June 2nd, 2010

Keeping Up With Technology

Now Guido knows that former MP Siôn Simon, who is now editing the Labour leadership tracking website Labour-Uncut, hasn’t had the best of luck with computers and the internet in the past, but today he sinks to a new humiliating low. While pushing Twitter traffic to his site, it appears Simon has pasted the wrong link into his web link shortener.

Don’t know how long before the offending tweet is deleted but when his followers click “http://tiny.cc/ax5eg” instead of getting an informative interview with Eric Joyce MP they are taken to a Swiss website that sells and ships non-prescription Viagra to the UK:

The site states “Our specialized field of treatment is Erectile dysfunction (impotence). Therefore, we offer our customers several sexual enhancers. Alongside high-quality branded products you can purchase a wide assortment of favourably-priced generic sexual enhancers offering the very best quality.” Guido is trying to get hold of Siôn  for an innocent explanation, meantime a suggestion for him: shut your work browser when ordering for playtime. Such are the pressures on an old man of a younger mistress


  1. 1
    gone fuckin mental says:

    what a twat


    • 12

      Viagra isn’t something he needs.
      Everyone knows Sion is giant prick.


      • 14
        gone fuckin mental says:

        He has that face that only a mother could love


        • 19
          GEORGIE PEORGIE says:

          We’re all comparing the size of our policies together.


          • gone fuckin mental says:

            aint you meant to be cutting the defcit?


          • Life's too short says:

            Yeah, yeah Guido, but is that in Switzerland or at Switzerland?

            Maybe Derek Drooper can advise – it’s not hard, is it? (D’ye geddit?).


          • 13eastie says:

            Meanwhile, Luciana Berger MP tweets:

            I’ve already placed my order so I can get a copy to put on YouTube for all to see :)

            The finished product could be rather more popular than some of Siôn’s previous youtuibe endeavours…


      • 35
        Mike (England) says:

        he needs viagra, its the only way you could get a prick his size up in the morning.

        still its nice to know that his followers need it too, says a lot about what he thinks of them. (and oddly coincides with what i think of liebore supporters too)


      • 54
        Rufus Stone says:

        The Labour Pain needs something to perk them up.


      • 68
        • 72
          Gone fuckin mental says:

          well stop sending missiles over the border you nutjob


        • 73
          touchy pali says:

          Free Palestine! cool I will take 2 pls what’s the guarantee like? as I saw one on the news and it was a total sh+thole !


        • 74
          concrete pump says:



        • 76
          Nick2 says:

          LM – you should stick to CiF – your comments seem to be more at home there.


        • 82
          Sand and Rubble says:

          What is Palestine pray?

          Bits of Egypt and Jordan that for some reason Cairo and Amman don’t want back after a full peace Treaty.

          Any thoughts?


          • Gone fuckin mental says:

            Nuke it


          • Mr Vindictive (but, to be honest, you know I'm right) says:

            The fact that no-one in the middle east wants the ‘Palestinians’ speaks volumes about them. Not even Iran or Saudi wants them. How Islamically useless do you have to be for Iran or Saudi not want you?

            Sink the ‘aid’ boats, shoot a few of the survivors, then release the sharks. Let those in Gaza starve.



        • 201
          Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

          London Muslim – you are a prat, Sir (or Madam), as you’ve demonstrated here too often.

          Don’t you realise that Palestine has been maintained INTENTIONALLY as a giant, festering sore for generations by none other than the Muslims of the Middle East?

          The incredible wealth of the Saudis, to mention but one nasty gang, could easily have made Gaza a land flowing with milk and honey. But they chose not to do so, preferring instead to dole out cash to innumerable princelings who whizz off to Europe and the USA at every opportunity for VERY unIslamic entertainments at enormous expense.

          Get real, matey. Recognise that your ‘brothers’ (with friends like that, gawd help you) want to maintain a, external focus for your, and their, rage against the West for acquiring civilisation and its trappings first, and that Palestine is it. Recognise that you are operating with the mental and social apparatus of Europe in the 13th to 15th centuries. Recognise that you need your own Luther and Henry Vlll, and pronto. Recognise that primitives with Kalashnikovs and nukes will never be able to vanquish advanced civilisations with the same armouries – centuries of development have given us more brain-power than you, and that’s what wins conflicts ultimately.

          ‘Twas not ever thus. It was Arabia that saved so much classical knowledge after the idiot Christians set fire to the Great Library of Alexandria, where all the known books in the world were stored, robbing us – intentionally – of so much of the heritage of antiquity. It was when your lot turned their backs on printing that your civilisation juddered to a sudden halt, and you’ve been eating sand ever since.

          You do not actually have to be so stupid as you are nowadays. You used not to be. Why not give a few of the old ways a try once more?


      • 130
        P. Doff says:

        Perhaps he uses Swiss Viagra for an Alpine Horn!


      • 267
        Peter Gompertz says:

        sorry Bill Sion is not a prick, a prick is useful!


    • 22
      Quent says:

      Great observation.


    • 27
      stilyagi_air_corps says:

      Could have been worse, could have been amyl nitrates and rohypnol…


    • 65
      Ant & Dec says:

      Dave will obviously have to go to Cumbria and Nick will obviously want to go too.

      Do they go as a double act?


      • 71
        Tip Toe thro the . . . says:

        yeah – like a double-barrelled shotgun – oops


        • 87
          farmer eric says:

          I really do hope that the Coalition government resists the temptation to pass knee jerk firearm laws yet again. Basically the only legal guns we can keep at home under licence are shotguns and .22 rifles. It is quite clear the the Cumbrian nutter had something much more deadly and was beyond the law.


          • AC1 says:

            Maybe they should unban legal owners from having the tools to shoot back?

            When Seconds count the police are only minutes away.


          • Mr Ned says:

            I agree AC1.

            If the gun laws allowed us to protect ourselves, then there could be 11 more of my fellow Cumbrians alive tonight and 25 less injured.

            Who’s insane idea is it to have gun laws that guarantee that the only people with guns are the criminals and furthermore that these criminals also have the knowledge that their victims will all be unarmed and defenceless?

            If they proposed a law which specifically stated that they would only arm criminals and disarm the law-abiding, who the fuck would support that?

            Yet that is EXACTLY the situation we have in the UK today. It is an INSANE policy.

            Look at any massacre in Europe or the USA and what is the common factor? The locals are not routinely armed.

            The Virginia Tech massacre in the US would have not had more than one death IF that had not been in a designated “Gun free zone” The nutter in that instance knew he could kill with impunity as guns were not allowed.

            Legalise gun ownership and let us defend ourselves against these insane people.


          • AC1 says:

            The road to hell is paved with “good intentions”, and socialists have a lot of good intentions.


        • 92
          What would Arnie do? says:

          I am not so sure that the Plod had such a good idea when they phoned the pub at Boot to round up all stragglers in the area and invite them inside. Mr Bird would have had a field day if he had gone in for a pint.


          • All power comes from the barrel of a gun says:

            if enough of us armed ourselves there is nothing they could do about us except accept it.


    • 146
      David Laws says:


      If only the Telegraph had exposed me just 5 days later, I would have got away with murder.


    • 277
      Ian says:

      This might be a better site!



  2. 2
    Non Com Day says:

    hacked off


    • 62

      hacked off….?

      “Labour Uncut” is clearly Sion’s euphemism for “not circumcised”.

      The viagra king uses the web-site as his plaything – signalling his virility and availability to hairy lipped Labour inclined ladies (and gents…..).


      • 183
        A. Riddler says:

        My balls are soft,
        My dick is limp,
        My party’s a bore
        And I’m not stiff

        Who am I?


  3. 3
    Swiss Bob says:

    Michael Gove: Ed Balls’ Cook Book

    Michael Gove: Ed Balls’ Cook Book.


    • 16
      Baldermort,Balls,Bad Al, Mandy & McPoison says:

      You bastard, Gove. We’re coming for you next !!


      • 168
        Down with Brown! says:

        Sarah Teather gets excited at the thought of Ed Ball’s mighty muffins.


        • 207
          choke on a sausage says:

          That look on the bastard Balls right at the end of that clip was priceless. Pity he didnt choke on his own recipes. Blinky eyed twat.


    • 282
      Henry Wood says:

      Priceless! I’d not heard of that clip before. I laughed so hard I thought my pants would never dry.
      (That’s the great thing about Guido’s blog – every day you are guaranteed to find a diamond among all the nutty slack.)


  4. 4
    gone fuckin mental says:

    then again they have lost the buzz of power


  5. 5
    upright says:

    Perhaps he really does want to be inside eric joyce


  6. 6
    gone fuckin mental says:

    No recipets either lol


  7. 7
    Ariel Sharon, in a permanent vegetative state says:

    I don’t need viagra anymore. I’m a vegetable. But it came in handy when I raped. You don’t think a fat c-unt like me got women consensually, did you?


  8. 8
    opsimath says:

    If you buy the little blue pill from this site, does it come with a glass paradigm? My Missus keeps saying she’d like one of them.


  9. 9
    gone fuckin mental says:

    If you missed it , labour “honesty”



  10. 10
    Goldman Sucks says:

    What do you expect for such a big cock?


  11. 11
    Genghiz the Kahn says:

    most appropriate for a party of full of self important pricks.


  12. 13
    mac the spoon says:

    so labourites need help with getting the lead in their pencils? Caused by all their coprophilia and necrophilia.


  13. 15

    Unlike you to knock a man when he’s down Guido: perhaps he’s just using the stuff to keep a stiff upper lip, or possibly its just his way of keeping his end up in difficult times. Perhaps he simply likes the “horse’s handbrake” look.


  14. 18
    Sloppy Slimy Sion says:

    Trouble with my computer ?? No, just problems with my hard drive. All these years of using a floppy dick disk.


  15. 20
    Quent says:

    What a fucking prick shamon is. Is Lauras Kuensberger single?
    I quite fancy her. Has she got a nice arse? (I bet she has).


  16. 23
    Sion Simon says:

    I’m an ugly Hunt and I know it. Now leave me alone.


  17. 23
    mac the spoon says:

    maybe if takes it to stop him rolling out of bed, or to help him not to piss on his shoes.


  18. 25
    gone fuckin mental says:

    Maybe he needs it to help find it ?


  19. 26
    Free to choose says:

    Ooo. So labour are impotent!


    • 58
      The Labour Disease says:

      Anybody have a cure for political dysfunction?


      • 102
        Maximus says:

        Piano wire


      • 193
        Mzzzz. 'Mad' Hatty HaHaHa-Person, Leader of Lie_Bore Clitorati says:

        Come round to my place ducky.

        I’ll see what I can do to get that nasty old dysfunction out of your system!

        I’ve got everything ready, and some nice soft silk ropes.

        You can struggle – but you’ll never get free!

        And you’ll be mine – to play with as I like.

        And I can make it last as long as I like – cos I’ll be your Master! Just like Gordon did.


  20. 29
    I need rape change Harman says:

    Harperson will scream rape at Siôn and have him locked up without anonymity for this. Rape rape and rape, it’s all that’s on Harriet’s mind these days. A few viagra pills sneaked to Jack should sort her out.


  21. 30
    Ed Balls says:

    Us Labour lads don’t need viagra! We’re hard 24/7. Wa-hey!


    • 184
      Just one look says:

      Just one look at his missus though – messes me up fer days – just can’t concentrate on nothing.


  22. 31
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Since every member of the liebour party is now officially a loser, mocking their antics such as this one is borderline cruelty to the socially disadvantaged.

    Sion Simon trying to get relevant – isn’t pity more appropriate?


  23. 32
    Philip McArthur says:

    No Guido it is not a mistake it is part of his Affiliate program


  24. 33
    Ad Hoc "Balls not Bananas" Campaign says:

    Can’t believe ths new Tory Government! Job losses are defo comin!

    3 Prostitutes in Bradford got axed and now 12 cumbrians get the bullet!


    • 199
      UKIP Until We're Free says:

      It’s just Gordo’s post-election clearance programme – he’s identified all the non-Labour voters in marginal seats and he’s eliminating them in blocks.

      He doesn’t have an alibi – he wasn’t at PMQ’s today. Go figure……..


  25. 34
    sion simon says:

    i cannot have sex with that woman


  26. 36
  27. 37
    Free to choose says:

    Labour are a bunch of impotent saddos. Thank goodness they are powerless. They are desperate lot.


  28. 38
    Catflap says:

    Labour Uncut,unadulterated filth with extra Balls and Banana’s.
    A quick word from our sponsor.
    “Do you have trouble getting in?”


  29. 39
    Margaret Beckett says:

    9pm tonight, room 218 at the Holiday Inn in Whitehaven. I’ll bring the gimp mask, you bring the viagra.


  30. 40
    gone fuckin mental says:

    Is anyone sick of the world cup already?


  31. 41
    gone fuckin mental says:

    Isnt Mrs Balls on the womans version , Niagra= makes you gush like a waterfall


  32. 42
    Free to choose says:

    Nice one Guido! Labour needs to come to terms with its impotence. They deserve to be in opposition because they are ruining everybodies lives with their silly policies and destructive games. Labour are morally bankrupt. The negative impact they have had on my life ensures that I will never vote for them.


    • 147
      AC1 says:

      If only there was a pill for curing people of the mental illness called socialism.


      • 158
        Works a treat says:

        threre is depuranium


      • 253
        C@ntcampbell says:

        No known cure, however we can split the country in 2 send them all to the northern half and giggle as they go bankrupt. I suggest we call it Scotland


      • 254
        notcampbell says:

        No known cure, however we can split the country in two send them all to the northern half and giggle as they go bust. I suggest we call it Scotland

        damm moderation


  33. 44
    Dr Eric Comfort says:

    Mr Simon there is no need of these chemical stimulants. Its all in the mind. Read my book and save yourself money and embarrassment. I suppose you will be doing another YouTude video mocking yourself. Twat.


  34. 45
    Sarf of the River says:

    Fucking idiot.


  35. 47
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    “Uncut” that would be site for those of a non north London persuasion who didnt attempt to buy peerages?


  36. 48
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    The only thing he appeared to be able to stand, of his own accord, for was his re-election.


  37. 52
    Gordon Brown says:



    • 56
      Mike (England) says:

      is that the position labour are going to come in the next general election?


      • 63
        Ed Balls says:

        Look once am elected leader of the party , i will lead them to glory and smash the con dem coalition , I will promise no more boom and bust and i will abolish all white people (except labour members ) voting in the genral election .



  38. 53
    gone fuckin mental says:

    No luck gettin in touch yet guido?


  39. 55

    Not only is it wrong and, as yet, undeleted, when I clicked on the link, I was told by Web of Trust that the site had a bad reputation – no shit!


  40. 60
    Derek Bird says:

    If only I had known about this site before this morning.


  41. 61
    Derek Bird says:

    I could of gave Sir William Waad a run for his money on a safari. They didn’t nick name me CRACK SHOT for nothing did they.


  42. 64
    Free to choose says:

    So let me get this straight labour are going to find that their new members are likely to be dysfunctional in number of ways.


  43. 66
    Ed Balls (Leader of the Labour Party) says:

    Columbine Massacre: 15 dead, 24 wounded, 2 gunmen.
    Cumbria shootings: 12 dead, 25 wounded, 1 gunman

    Fuck it, makes you proud to be British


  44. 70
    Gone fuckin mental says:

    I really really really hate this cock


  45. 77
    Derek Bird says:

    I could of be in the Olympic shooting team.


  46. 78

    He will brass it out.

    Tough on dobbers, tough on the causes of dobbers!!!!


  47. 79
    Alastair Campbell says:

    It’s a shame Mr Bird killed himself. Labour could have used his talents in case another problem like Kelly comes up.


  48. 81
    Jonah McRuin says:

    I always buy a pack of Viagra before I go to Cape Cod.


  49. 83
    Wacko Simo says:

    You know I’m bad, I’m bad, you know it. And the whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again: Who’s bad in bed?


  50. 86
    Derek Bird says:

    I don’t need Viagra. I never have a problem shooting my load.


  51. 88
    Jus Saying says:

    Labour members may shoot blanks, but proper English folk like Derek Bird don’t.


  52. 89
    Marmite Soldier says:

    It would seem that his URL is in need of lengthening rather than shortening lol.


  53. 90
    Derek Bird's last book loan from local library says:

    Gordon Brown’s book on courage.


  54. 93
    OiOi says:

    Click to make it bigger. [snigger] ;-)


  55. 94
    Raggasonic says:

    It makes you wonder. Labour are so good at shafting the nation but when it comes to their personal abilities, they can’t get it up can they.

    Sion Simon’s a nasty piece of work, a lickspittle toad of a man. No surprise to see he needs pharmaceutical help to get an erection. A weak brain, a weak cock.

    By the way, has anyone seen Gordon Brown? He seems to have gone AWOL.


    • 95
      Gone fuckin mental says:

      Gordons in Broadmoor


      • 103
        nell says:

        Apparently gordon has started writing his next book , which is, so the mirror was saying, to be based on his ideas of Fairness.


        • 112
          Peter Sutcliff says:

          he’s not getting the pen until I’ve wrote my appeal


          • cant hunter says:

            Gordon may be doing a Heath like sulk, and one that will probably last as long, but A.Campbell definately isn’t; after the One Show ( crap name,crap show) the other night, he was apparently on Steve Wright’s Radio 2 show today. I suppose he’s got some rubbishy book to push, but really is he going to be on every BBC programme/show. Just what has he got on the BBC overlords ?


          • Goldy says:

            has to be rumanian boys


        • 119
          Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

          It’s not about Fairness, it’s about Loch Ness.


        • 152
          AC1 says:

          Let me guess these ideas of “fairness” will be
          1/ punishing productive people greatly
          2/ Rewarding the feckless
          3/ Enabling a talent-free bureaucratic class to feel generous with OPM.


        • 255
          notcampbell says:

          Title ideas: Its soooo unfair
          Fairpak economics for dummies
          My fair mady
          Vanity Blair: A novel without a hero


  56. 96
    Note left by Derek Bird says:

    As a lifelong Labour supporter, I saw who’s standing for leader and I decided to pack it in. Cheerio.


  57. 97
    Jus Saying says:

    Don’t buy cillit bang, buy Derek Bird and bang the dirt is gone.


  58. 99
    Jus Saying says:

    Was Derek Bird really thick as thieves? thick did say he was leaving forever the other day…maybe he meant it in the literal sense.


  59. 100
    nell says:

    I read that sionsimon was planning on becoming the mayor of birmingham and after that a seat in the lords.

    At least that’s what he was telling his friends.


  60. 101
    Spokesman for constituency of Kirkcaldy says:

    As Mr Bird succeeded in what he set out to do, unlike our incumbent MP, he’ll be our parliamentary candidate at the next election. The fact he’s dead won’t stop Labour supporters voting for him. Look at who they’ve voted into this seat for the last two decades.


  61. 104
    Ed Balls says:

    As future ruler of this country my first act will to ban cricket as it is a sport for toffs and uneducated labour voters dont understand it .

    My second act will be to ban anyone white and born here from voting as the labour party think this is bad for democrcy

    My third act will be to raise tax on all those in the private sector so labour voters can have benifits and watch jeremy kyle all day .


  62. 105
    Shami Chakrafarty says:

    Forget the massacre. Everyone should be outraged by the racist town name Whitehaven! It should be called Multihaven!


    • 118
      Non descript skin says:

      Like the multi cliffs of Dover


    • 121

      I presume you live in a brownstone villa, eat black pudding washed down with Pitfield’s Dark Star, and holiday in Crinkly Bottom.


    • 132
      Engineer says:

      Get thee to Cockermouth.


    • 256
      D.Abbott says:

      Jamie Reed, the local Labour MP, said it was the “blackest day in our community’s history”.

      Typical racist blaming immigrants


      • 274
        Sir Keith Joseph's Preserved Pulsing Head says:

        Was having breakfast with Lady Joseph this morning and had BBC breakfast on
        we both thought we saw Dianne Abbott talking on TV
        then she started talking about SPACE TRAVEL
        we both said “bloody hell – Dianne Abbott’s an ASTRONAUT? she’s leading a British mission to Uranus or something?

        Anyway we started paying attention and it it turned out this large black lady (who seemed very clever) was actually one of Britains leading space scientists and the resemblance was only superficial

        My how we laughed


  63. 107
    Peter Mandelson is aroused by Derek Bird says:

    I love a strong, powerful man.


  64. 114
    The family of Derek Bird hires Israeli Defence Force to do their PR says:

    Mr Bird tried to avoid casualties but we should remember that he was only acting in self-defence.


  65. 116
    Info says:

    just got told Birdy had a winchester 300 deer hunting rifle


  66. 120
    Alistair Campbell says:

    He has a meeting with me and Lord Mandelson, I told him to come prepared, big boy


  67. 123
    Head Lizard says:

    he has spotted it Guido



    • 179
      stilyagi_air_corps says:

      Hmmmm. How does he know the Swiss meds are dodgy… unless he’s sampled them?


  68. 127
    The Right to Choose says:

    Good for Gove! I hope the right to choice is a theme that is central throughout the Conservative policies.


  69. 129
    David Laws says:

    Can i come back yet Nick and Dave ?


  70. 133

    We should be proud that in this great and diverse country of ours it is possible for Douglas Bader (a totally legless man) to become a fighter ace; for David Blunkett (a totally blind man) to become a Cabinet minister, and Sion Simon, a total mong, to become an MP.


    • 140
      Engineer says:

      Odd really. Used to be a principal qualification for an MP’s job to be legless as often as possible.


    • 191
      The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

      I have seen you legless, blind drunk and monged
      Be careful what you accuse others of


      • 279

        I was sniffing the fruit beer from the barmaid’s apron Beast, never a good thing. No doubt our mutual shame of that evening will be re-enacted shortly.


      • 280

        My excuse is that I had been sniffing the fruit beer from the barmaid’s apron, Beast.

        No doubt our mutual shame of that evening will be re-enacted shortly.


  71. 134
    Negative Rights says:

    The problem with the communitarianism & cooperatives is they impinge on individual rights.


    • 137
      Engineer says:

      That’s true. Cooperatives are nowhere near as good as Sainsbury’s.


    • 139

      ..and they live in the past. F’rinstance, according to the party.coop web site,

      “There are currently 28 Labour/Co-operative MPs including Ed Balls, Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families, as well as seven other Government ministers.”

      I think someone needs to tell Dave about the quislings in his cabinet, sharpish.


    • 204
      Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

      ‘…they impinge on individual rights.’

      Of course they do. That’s how they were designed. Remember the words of the founder: ‘the greatest good to the greatest number’ – ie sod any minority viewpoints.


  72. 136
    Engineer says:

    Wasn’t Sion Simon Minister for the Interweb and All Things Tecky in a previous existence? Has he perhaps learned that it’s not quite as simple as some people would like us to believe, or did he delegate the job of twittering to someone with a sense of humour?


    • 145
      Luciana Berger says:

      Kerry Mccarthy?


    • 148
      nell says:

      Makes you shudder when you think how many incompetents were crammed into gordon’s rubbish government doesn’t it?

      sionsimon, twatson,aintbustinagut,straw,the militwits, postmanpat, gordon himself of course, kevan, balls and the shrill yvette, hattieharpic, malik and not to mention the unelected one’s like mandy, alastairc, damian, derek,whelan, nye, adonis, sugar.

      A government of all the (rubbish) talents indeed!!! And thank the lord that they’ve gone!!!

      As for sionsimon for Mayor of Birmingham- not a chance in hell I don’t think!!


      • 151
        Engineer says:

        Be fair, nell. They were pretty talented at troughing.


        • 157
          nell says:

          Yes indeed and lying, smearing and bullying!!!


          • Head Lizard says:

            and getting away with it then getting re-elected in some cases.how did they do that


          • (Inevitable) Dead Parrot says:

            By taking inspiration from Phineas T. Barnum?


          • Glasgae Mick (in a lather of sweat, wrapped in ermine) says:

            Ya fettlin’ footling fuckars!

            We got talent ya Anglish Tory bastards can oonly dreem ov!

            An’ war got talunt such as would fill a whuskey barrel.

            Ye’ll ne’er match us fa’ tha’ troughin’ an’ tha’ lyin’

            An’ ye’ll ne’er be Luds ‘n Laddies like wot we are.


      • 203
        Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

        I rather miss them all. They were magnificent in their idiocy.I doubt we shell ever see such a concentration of buffoonery in one place again.

        Which is why I am pleased Fatty Prescott is going to the Lords and why I hope Balls makes it to leader.


  73. 138
    Millipede says:

    It ill behoves a man to make light of another man’s erectile disfunction. But to laugh openly and loudly is nothing short of an outrage.
    Under New New New New New New Labour, I will ban, via the legislative process, the ridiculing of flaccid genitals.
    I hope that I have made myself clear
    Edward ‘Trouble-at’ Milliband


  74. 144
    Luciana Berger says:

    Comments are closed

    under every story. What does this mean?


  75. 149
    I did says:

    Come on fess up who else thought when they first saw and heard the headlines;


    that it was Gordon Brown?


  76. 153
    Birdy says:

    Labour’s dirty tax laws made me do it.


  77. 161
    nell says:

    What on earth does ‘labour uncut’ mean?

    Or is that another suggestion for their new name rather like davemilitwit’s idea to call them ‘next labour’ !!!


    • 188
      Engineer says:

      Is it an anagram?


    • 197
      Beeb says:

      we at the beeb know labour uncut as charlie plus some other names snort


    • 210
      Indigo says:

      I assumed it was “uncut” in the sense of not circumcised. So, Labour for gay men, some of whom may or may not have advertised themselves on the web as “uncut” (remembering one White House lobbyist in particular but not exclusively). Ie a right-on, “edgy”, male in-joke.


  78. 162
    Down with Brown! says:

    Great performance at PMQs by Cameron. Unlike Jonah, he answered the questions. I am surprised Jonah was not there. He was always very keen to ask Cameron questions at PMQs.


    • 170
      nell says:

      Question is, where is gordon??

      He got himself re-elected by his Kirkcaldy constituents and said he intended to stay on as an mp at £70k pa plus generous expenses, (not to mention the phenomenal cost of that 24 hour protection team and top range vehicles he now has because of his stint as an unelected pm). So why isn’t he in Westminster representing them??!!

      Has he taken sick leave?


      • 182
        Simon Sion says:

        nel, in these times it’s best not to ask, or you’ll find out the banal answer of him been seen in his constituancy buying football stickers for his kids. So says Jo Coburn on the Daily Politics, after she had found the info on guess what. Go on. Guess where she’s likely to find such happenings. Yes, you guess correctly – twitter.


        • 219
          Down with Brown! says:

          The last reported sighting of Jonah was in Morrisons in Cowenbeath.

          Sarah Brown tweeted…
          Plan B meant that their dad took them to Morrisons in Cowdenbeath to get new World Cup sticker albums…
          3:33 AM May 30th via web


      • 234
        The Milky Bar Kid says:

        when every question gets a reply that drones on and on and we all get bored to shit listening to it you will know you have a real government getting on with the job


  79. 163
    Bastards says:

    just got a ticket for shooting a red light when Birdy took aim at me.


  80. 166
    Lady Hamilton's Pussy says:

    I bet Sion Simon has a tiny little penis. You only have to look at his silly, angry-baby face to have your suspicions, and this seems to confirm that he knows he is inadequate.


    • 258
      South of the M4 says:

      If he owns a big BMW then your suspicions will be correct. 2010 spec. Beemers have 5m of double yellow lines in the boot as an extra. If you cannot find any to park on, you can now park on your own. Apparently. Buyers of the new M6 get false ‘ disabilty’
      parking space road stickers for the same use.


  81. 167
    The Rugged Individual says:

    Does S.Simon wear a wig? He aint that old but he does look like a fat porker.


    • 171
      nell says:

      Interesting (not) chap, sion simons, but not the sort of intelligent stuff the inhabitants of Birmingham want for a Mayor!!!


  82. 172

    He’s the MP for Caithness, Sutherland & Easter Ross.


  83. 173
    OiOi says:

    Just watched simon sions Cameron rant video again,grabbed a screen shot from it.


  84. 177
    Real Man says:

    If Lucianca Berger wants a real man to give her a jizz moustace then I can accomodate her needs.


  85. 179
    libertarian says:


    Your quote of the day from bad Al about his sex appeal. Did he mention that it was Ann Widdecombe that sent him the text ?


  86. 181
    Moderate Palestinian says:

    Tallal Abu Ghazallah, President of the leading firm of public accountants in the Arab world:

    “The Jews have to become Palestinians, to be part of that state. My ambition is to get all of Palestine, not just the West Bank…. The Jews could not get a better deal than they would get now if they settle. The US won’t be the strongest power in the world forever. When Israel faces us on her own she will lose.”


  87. 185
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    I wish that these tooled up homicidel lunatics would once in a while get down to westminster for a spot of target pracstice
    F_ck I would even give them a lift, pay for lunch and help with the reloading


  88. 194
    Our Cilla says:

    You gorra gorra larf. The guy’s an utter twittering twat.


    • 198
      Alistair Campbell says:

      Listen, Liebour won the election sonny Jim and we have the finest idiots. I was so pleased for Harriet today, she showed just how fine our stupids are.


  89. 195
    Mandy says:

    You all might be hard up but I NEED Viagra to keep up with the boys.


  90. 196
    nell says:

    Sorry to change the topic but another Royal Marine killed, whilst on foot patrol in Sangin, by a roadside bomb.

    290 of our lads and lasses killed to date in Afghanistan.

    How many more are we going to lose before the government of this country stops our lads doing those suicidal foot patrols to detect and defuse them and brings in robots.

    We used robots in Northern Ireland in the 70’s so why are we using our lads for this now??!!


    • 200
      Cleggsmeg says:

      If camerclegg allows another one we can take it as fact he does not give a fuck,he reads this blog.


    • 237
      QWERTY says:

      What the fuck are they doing there anyway. Liam Fox said the right thing (13th century shit hole) we need to get our lads out now. Who gives a fucking shit about inbred mong Muslims?


      • 243
        AC1 says:

        They have a habit of landing planes in buildings. Personally I think we should quarantine off areas infected with Islam.


    • 246
      Nick2 says:

      I don’t think that robots can be used to patrol – but they can be used to defuse IEDs.

      Also, unlike the UK, the US protect their foot patrols using airborne drones to remotely detect recently excavated earth etc along patrol routes. The MoD could at least adequately equip & protect our troops – but the money’s spent elsewhere.


  91. 202
    Hughes. says:

    There was me thinking Sion was already a complete prick.


  92. 205

    Liam Byrne* has just won a place in the semi-final of Britain’s Got (no) Talent. He said there was no money left, but does he need a new job so soon?
    (* Paul Birling = Liam’s doppelganger )


  93. 208
    Lets get real says:

    Howcome the French surrender monkeys manage to deploy their troops with brothels full of prossies yet out lads have to wank over Page 3 girls.

    Lets sort out some fucking entertainment and shagging for our lads over in trashcanastan it’s the least we can do.


    • 211
      Lets get real says:

      You think i’m joking as well google French Mobile Field Brothels, the fuckers have been doing since before Vietnam.


      • 220
        broiling for beginners says:

        “You think i’m joking as well google French Mobile Field Brothels,”

        Ah, the internet.


      • 225
        Hmmm, said Harriet says:

        Policy: The 1925 Penal Code stated that prostitution was not a crime in itself, but that it was a crime to advocate it, to aid or abet a woman to enter prostitution or to operate a brothel. The current regime believes that execution – by firing squad or stoning – is a more fitting penalty.

        Practice: Execution is common. Some Iranian feminists regard mut’a, a form of temporary marriage where the woman has few rights, as akin to prostitution. Under mut’a, it is possible to be ‘married’ for as little as half an hour.


  94. 215
    Down with Brown! says:

    The total tossers at Next Left use the shootings in Cumbria to attack libertarianism.


    There are a lot more shootings in tyrannies and totalitarian states that in free societies. Keep the flame of liberty burning!


    • 216
      Lets get real says:

      Communists think it’s only their god given right to put someone in front a firing squad, ala Stalin and every other left wing scum bag.


      • 226
        Socialism..principled, scientific, progressive says:

        We are the arbiters of the common good.

        We have the best interests of the majority at heart.

        We are caring and sharing and anyone who disagrees with that is nasty.

        And we all know what is best for nasty people.

        For the many not the few.

        Let us explain…..


    • 227
      nukes for all says:

      we should all be allowed to have mini nukes,say .75 kiloton


    • 241
      AC1 says:

      Of course if the people had been able to shoot back rather than running away and hoping for the police to do something the number of people murdered might be less.


  95. 222
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    Phew !! The years as Middle East Peace Envoy now. Making outstanding progress……on making myself very,very rich.


  96. 232
    • 235
      The Milky Bar Kid says:

      cops seem to be keeping tight lipped about the rifle,wonder why?


      • 249
        Pierrepoint says:

        It’s fairly common to see guys with rifles where I live in my part of Cumbria. If they are after deer or just standard pest control, they need the tools to get the job done.
        A rifle, or shotty is a tool. No different to a hammer in the hands of a fitter, or a scalpel in the hands of a surgeon
        The tool doesn’t kill people. People do.


  97. 236
    Pierrepoint says:

    Sat here this morning with my doors locked and my rifle across my knee, and my shotty close by, I felt a lot safer than some of the poor buggers with no defence that bought it.
    You can not legislate against nutters. You can, however, do the best you can to protect you and yours.
    This Hunt was 50 yards from my home.


  98. 238
    Kuwait Times says:

    KUWAIT CITY, April 29: Capital Governorate securitymen have arrested seven homosexuals for wearing indecent clothes while sea swimming in Sharq.
    After receiving information on a group of homosexuals clad in indecent clothes, the securitymen rushed to the location and found some of the homosexuals swimming and others on the seashore. They were referred to the authorities for the necessary legal action.


    • 247
      Kapo says:

      Well done lads, outstanding.

      Puffs arrested by ‘monkey arabs’, the New York Times and the English Guardian will love this.

      “Move on move on, no dead peace-nics here”.

      Now tell us ! Public relations disasters. We shit them. Ha, well done.


  99. 239
    Odds Bodkins says:

    It takes c**ts like us to make pricks like Sion Simon stand to attention.


  100. 240
    Odds Bodkins says:

    This should be twat watch not totty watch surely?


  101. 242
    Mr Floppy says:

    Guido don’t be so Hard On floppy Simon. /


  102. 244
    Kuwait Times late night final says:

    KUWAIT CITY, May 4: The Jahra police have arrested a Canadian man of Arab origin, following a complaint filed by his wife —believed to be a citizen of an unidentified GCC state — for forcing her to have indecent sex with him, reports Al-Rai daily.
    In her complaint, the wife said although she married the man four months ago, she is still a virgin.
    However, when the husband was summoned for interrogation, he denied the ‘baseless’ accusations, but admitted that his wife is still a virgin.
    He told police she is still a virgin because she does not allow him to come near her and asks for divorce.
    The husband added the wife fabricated the story because he asked her to return his dowry and wedding gifts. The husband has also requested the concerned authorities to refer his wife to Forensics to prove that her allegations are wrong.
    The husband has been released on bail and upon his request she has been referred to Forensics.


  103. 245
    Anonymous says:

    LOL !!

    People wot “tweet” are brain-dead Hunts , honey .

    Fuckin twats x .

    E x .

    P.S. How does one do it , darlin ??? The tweety thingy , that is .


    • 248
      Pee Stains says:

      Don’t worry your little head. This blog only gets 253 hits a month according to MI5. Go somewhere more productive.


    • 263
      albacore says:

      Why go incognito, Ewanme?
      Can that be an imposter?
      Or are you borrowing Nell’s whacky laptop?


  104. 250
    The tyranny of control says:

    OT. Gove’s Academy proposal is looking good.


  105. 252
    Kuwait Times Readers Letters says:

    Members of extremist groups have involved the entire world in the ‘hijab’ (veil) issue. This is considered personal freedom as we are not against any woman or girl wearing ‘hijab’, in the same manner that we do not condemn those who have opted not to wear it. We all know that Allah, the Almighty, stressed in the Holy Quran the fact that in religion there is no compulsion.
    Since the issue is related to personal appearance, we cannot force any woman to wear or not to wear ‘hijab’. If a woman covers her head against her will, she is also forced to change the way she looks although she is far from the areas that obligate women to wear the veil. We can cite neighboring countries like the Islamic Republic of Iran and Kingdom of Saudi Arabia as examples of these areas.
    Imposing a certain dress code usually ‘whets the appetite’ of some extremists for power, believing they are in control of the whole society. I have received an interesting email that says Al-Shabab – a Somali Islamist group – controls the streets, forces women to wear ‘hijab’, and lashes out at women. Do you know why? These women are wearing bra! The group strongly opposes the use of this undergarment due to its western origin, claiming that it gives men a wrong impression on the actual size of women’s breasts. For the group, this is another form of cheating!
    Halima Al-Somaliya, a Somali woman, lamented Al-Shabab has been forcing them to wear ‘hijab’ according to the group’s style. After this, the group banned the use of bra. What a wonderful stand for Al-Shabab! The group probably thinks it can enhance the position of Islam and protect the rights of women through this idea.


  106. 261
    AsYouLikeIt says:

    I forget, was it the Luciana or Lusitania that sank?


  107. 262
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Siôn Simon met a placeman going for selection
    Said Siôn Simon to the placeman, “You should give me an erection!”
    Said the placeman to Siôn Simon “Have you tried Viagra?”
    Said Siôn Simon to the placeman, “Yes, but it falls just like Niagra.”

    Siôn Simon went on YouTube pretending to be Dave
    But his job, as junior minister, it did not help to save
    On Sky he told the interviewer that she should “be quiet”
    The Culturalistic tone employed helped to shed some light.
    His clairvoyant skills seemed wanting in forecasting increased vote
    So did he jump, or was he pushed, off the sinking Labour boat?
    Now this giant of media wants to stand as Brummie mayor,
    Brum will deserve all it gets, they cannot claim “Unfair!”
    And as he stepped down to achieve this dubious feat
    Another placeman was crow-barred in, to his former seat.


    • 271
      albacore says:

      Don’t come to Brum
      We don’t need a bum
      If you can’t get viagra
      Just suck on your thumb


  108. 264

    I fucking dispise that Hunt face Siôn Simon.


  109. 265
    A 5 ¼ inch floppy dick says:



  110. 266
    Mr Plum says:

    Just heard yesterday in parliament on R4 sounded like Harman gave Dave a good hiding at pmq’s.


    • 269
      Down with Brown! says:

      That might be how the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation reported it. But watching it live, Cameron won easily.


  111. 268
    Down with Brown! says:

    Even Mandy admits that New Labour is dead!!!!!!



  112. 272
    Phil says:

    Speaking of new technology or old for that matter does anyone remember when when a certain petition calling on Brown to resign was put on the Downing street website? It would be interesting to know if and/or who may have manipulated the result bearing in mind that it froze or slowed down to a crawl when nearing the top spot or am I being paranoid?


  113. 278
    angelnstar says:


    Oh hahahaha that is absolutely hilarious! To put the wrong link is bad enough, but one for Viagra, you couldn’t make it up!

    Boris has cut a record! Is there no end to his talents and has Simon Cowell heard about this? If Sion needs some sexy music to put the lady in the mood, he should play this, although I want Boris to record Barry White. There is also a Barry White song on the link with a lot of yelping and moaning, so you can compare Boris’s voice with Barry White’s. FABULOUS.


  114. 284
    In Soviet Russia says:

    technology keeps up with you!


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