May 17th, 2010

Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

David Miliband has now re-launched his leadership campaign “formally”, what imaginary formality is that?  The skinny wonker has delusions of grandeur derived from still having bodyguards.  By my count that makes three “Miliband for leader” launches in the last week.  No sign of Burnham yet, let him launch first and see if he says anything worth nicking.

NEC is deciding the timetable for the Shad Cab and leadership elections this week.  Charlie is promising to twist a few PLP arms for me.  Watson’s mobile seems to go to voice-mail automatically, that shifty fat f*****r is playing a risky game, he was supposed to fix the NEC.  Maybe I’m being paranoid.

Thank f**k the Shad Cab elections will be scheduled for after the leadership elections, I’d be f****d if I bombed in  the Shad Cab before the leadership vote despite smiling like Gordon on Prozac and going on a tour of all the Unite-backed newbie candidates during the election campaign.  Canvassing in the wasteland that is my beloved constituency was depressing, fear PLP might be like some of those council estates, although hopefully no-one in the PLP will set their dog on me.  Wonder if I can claim for that suit on expenses?

Must re-affirm more, like the therapist said. I will be the leader. I WILL BE LEADER!

(*As leaked to Guido)

324 Comments

  1. 1
    hmmm.... says:

    BOLLOCKS

  2. 2
    photo ex machina says:

    Ed Balls is a Hoon. End of.

  3. 3
    English John says:

    Blinky, Groucho. Harpo, Cruddarse and Burn’em if he can get a letter from his mum. What a choice. What a shower.

  4. 4
    Ed Balls says:

    And we watched an era of Labour politics come to a close, as Gordon and Sarah Brown walked with dignity down Downing Street for the last time with their two young sons. John and Fraser will grow up proud of what their Dad achieved.

    http://www.edballs.co.uk/index.jsp?i=4953&s=1111

  5. 5
    photo ex machina says:

    Brown’s gimpy henchman, just what the public want!

  6. 6
    Not a member of the skanky NUS says:

    Socialist troughing scum.

  7. 7
    Bad Al Tweet says:

    Many thanks Royal Free and ENT hospital Gray’s Inn Road. Doctors anaesthetists nurses superb. Home same day. Banaged nose bit dramatic

  8. 8
    bandersnatch says:

    I suppose the grisly bulldog Balls must indeed have some cohones or he would have changed his name by deed poll to avoid embarrassment. He could have chickened out and chosen Schickelgruber instead.

  9. 9
    Eragorn says:

    Still not king.

  10. 10
    Brown Toast!!! says:

    You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    AFTER FLIPPING PROPERTIES AND EXPENSES, FLIPPING THE TWO MILLIES WILL BE FLIPPING EASY. MUST SELL BEFORE CGT GOES UP – YVETTE GET ON WITH IT… NOW FOR GODS SAKE.

  12. 12
    Balls for Fuehrer! says:

    Balls as Labour leader would instantly deliver twenty seats to the Tories at the next election.

  13. 13
    Great British Public says:

    Nothing trivial, we hope ??

  14. 14
    Smig says:

    The Diary of Johnnie McMong Aged 13 3/4
    It was so strange watching my Dad walk unaided to the car. Mum thought the stupid old cont was going to fall over and dribble on the tarmac again.

  15. 15
    Private Eye called, they appear to be unworried says:

    or a sense of humour

  16. 16
    Whore with a heart of gold. says:

    You lot don’t know what your missing.

    What are you going to do for fun now.

  17. 17
    A Boulton says:

    Don’t F*ck with me again.

  18. 18
    Running on Empty says:

    Keep flogging that dead horse no-one gives a fuck about.

  19. 19
    I live in hope says:

    Please!! Please !!! let blinky be the leader ,It would mean a decade at least
    of labour being in the wilderness.

  20. 20
    Not a member of the skanky NUS says:

    What a bunch of sad pathetic losers. They think they are special. Only sheeple will buy their tripe. Truly offal.

  21. 21
    bandersnatch says:

    No no I forgot… Hitler only had one…

  22. 22
  23. 23
    Smig says:

    Put your handbag away. If you take a swing you’ll only let go and lose it again.

  24. 24
    More Tories Please says:

    One of which would be his.

  25. 25
    On the never never says:

    And what did Gordon achieve?

    Every household now owes £90,000 of national debt, that’s what Gordon achieved.

  26. 26
    Alky Boulton. Are you talking to me mate ? Step outsid-Aargh! PUKE!! You're my best mate you are! says:

  27. 27
    BLINKY BALLS IS BACK AND BITTER. says:

    Message to OVERGROPINGUEHRER GUIDO.

    Victory is mine.

    Dumbells Miliblinks have split their vote and are boring everybody in sight.

    They are even sharing their campaign funds with me. David Abrahams is giving £100,000.00 to their campaign , which when subject to Marx Brothers true socialist redistribution principles gives Dave .0 Ed the other .0 and 100,000 smackers for me.

    God, this so easy.

    I won’t have to write any crappy Mine Camp Manifesto for the sodden proles

    to buy at £50 a pop. On the other hand, why throw away a good earner.

    So, if you have a month free, Guido, you can pen my Mine Camp Whatever

    and I will give you a free copy for yourself.

    No sign of Mad Hattie Harperson throwing her knickers into ring.

    Maybe at the next full moon.

    GoBalls

    Blinky.

  28. 28

    DAFO on his notes..

    Drunk and fell over.

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    I carnt spel banaged

  30. 30
    BLINKY BALLS IS BACK AND BITTER. says:

    Wash your mouth.

    I won’t be Mr Nice Guy forever.

  31. 31
    gildedtumbril says:

    It must be an enormously thick creature to, having been cursed with the surname ‘Balls’ resist the sensible action to adopt a more acceptable and less risible name, like Shithead. I feel that would be a winner with Unite voters who would vote for any useless bastard spouting total ballocks as long as it carries the labour label.
    Unsurprisingly the new arseholes in charge of Britain turn out to be arsewipes.
    How shocking.

  32. 32
    Hugh Janus says:

    And this is how it will all end Blinky, as it always does with NuLiebour:

  33. 33
    P. Doff says:

    ROTFLMAO!

  34. 34
    BLINKY BALLS IS BACK AND BITTER. says:

    You living in Rochdale?

  35. 35
    Bollocks4Leader says:

    Balls has to be Labour leader. Now Nick and Dave are the best of friends having a Milibros as Labour leader would be sooo boring.

  36. 36
    P. Doff says:

    By that I take it you mean the decade after the decade of them being on the sidelines which came after the decade of them being in third place!

  37. 37
    Swamp Creature says:

    I reckon Balls still dresses up as a Nazi. It’s an addiction like women’s clothes. Yvette probably puts on a dirndl skirt and pirhouettes around singing ‘High on a Hill Stood a Lonely Goat’, as everything spirals into an erotic frenzy involving German shepherds and rent boys in lederhosen.

  38. 38
    gone fuckin mental says:

    i fuckin hate ed balls more than brown !

  39. 39
    Not a member of the skanky NUS says:

    Nobody dishy in the no a scooby doo labour party. If they have no policies the least they can do is get some chippandale for the laydees!

  40. 40
    Reichschancellor ( in-waiting and waiting and waiting ) GoBalls says:

    Sir, you an impostor, albeit an excellent one.

    http://tinyurl.com/yjbjt44

    I claim my wheelbarrow full of Papiermarken.

  41. 41
    Edward Michael "Ed" Balls says:

    I have not rushed to a decision on whether to stand in this contest. Partly because I felt it my duty to talk to my party first. Partly because, like many MPs and party members, I wanted to let the events of the last few weeks sink in and did not think we should be rushed.

    http://www.edballs.co.uk/index.jsp?i=4953&s=1111

  42. 42
    Got it all planned out says:

    I’m going to spend the next five years reliving and hugely enjoying that moment when Snotgobbler McFuck, the most hated man on the planet, left Downing Street for the last time.
    Then I’m going to retire and go and live in the Canary Islands and drink a lot of wine.

  43. 43
    BLINKY BALLS IS BACK AND BITTER. says:

    Inspiring.

    People should know what warped fiend Miliblink is.

    Thanks for your generous support comrade.

    Give me a £100,

  44. 44
    Hugh Janus says:

    Get it right Campbell – it’s the Royal National Throat Nose and Ear Hospital, Gray’s Inn Road.

    ‘Home same day’ presumably means that they couldn’t wait to get shot of you. Neither could we come to that.

  45. 45
    Dribbler says:

    It’s a sad state if the only individuals that Labour can find to raise their heads above the pavement in this leadership event are the two Millipedes and a load of BOLLOCKS!! There is so little talent on the Opposition benches now, makes you wonder how they managed without Presser and why the Cameron machine couldn’t effectively crush them when the Tory boys almost won the election. Maybe they had too many mixed messages for the electorate to understand?

  46. 46
    Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

    Well done Ed !!

    A classic piece waffle straight from my ‘Guide to Dithering Whilst the Economy Collapses’.

  47. 47
    Liar Byrne says:

    Do you think the markets have taken note of my valedictory note to David Laws on the state of the Nation’s finances at the end of Gordon’s scoTched earth policy ??? http://tinyurl.com/yjbjt44

    The Pound seems to be getting another hammering.

  48. 48
    Stepney says:

    From the Balls website:

    “That is why I say we must listen before we pronounce; talk the language of the people not politicians; root what we do not in tactical positioning but in our values”

    Fuck me backwards that is some Damascene conversion.

    “That is why I say we must listen before we pronounce” Balls? Listening?

    “…talk the language of the people not politicians…” beleive me blinky you won’t fucking like what you going to have to talk about. It’d get you chucked out of Toynbee’s garden party that’s for fucking sure.

    “…root what we do not in tactical positioning but in our values.” And what values are those then? Mugabe politics as you vainly cling on to power trying to usurp a democracy? Snout-piggery in the trough? Pissing my monye up against the wall with universal benefit and corrupt contracts with your lover boy PFI boys?

    Deranged bastard.

    You know what? I fucking love having him back with a 1000 majority. He’s completely shafted.

  49. 49
    Lord Mandelson of weaselwords says:

    Hello my liberal conservatives. Do not worry about Ed Balls, he has an aversion to ky jelly. When the wonderful David Miliband is elected I am in no doubt you will want join the party of celebrations. Wonderful things will happen. Goodbye for now you beautiful intellects.

  50. 50
    Michael68000 says:

    A point that many therapists often miss is that low self esteem can be a good attribute in people who are utterly useless as it discourages them from screwing things up for others.

  51. 51
    Sir William Waad says:

    If Balls is the answer, what is the question?

  52. 52
    Maladroit Labour Chump ( & trainee bigot ) says:

    Sir W, I suggest the question may have been, who is number three in the Top Ten Thousand Most Detested Liebour Scumbags.

  53. 53
    Adolf Balls says:

    Sieg Heil !!

  54. 54
    Stepney says:

    That question you were after:

    What’s ugly, needs constant monitoring and is the nearest thing to shit?

  55. 55
    Sir William Waad says:

    Blinky has this in his favour, that he is a good big target for a custard pie. The Milibands are too tiny and Burnham is too pretty – it would be like soiling the Rokeby Venus. Prescott would just have eaten the pie and given you a knuckle sandwich in return. It would just slide off Blair without leaving a mark. No, the portly pongwhiff is the mark for me.

  56. 56
    Post-Election Frolics says:

    I believe I would make a gweat leader. I have integwity and pwobity. And Yvette says I’m vewy good looking and attwactive.

  57. 57
    Dame Davina Pancake says:

    Ooooh – Guido, you are awful, but I like you!

    Davina x

    PS: Sorry not to be erudite, but Ed Balls is a Hunt.

  58. 58
    Liar Byrne (Still laughing BTW) says:

    I was misquoted.

    What I said was, “There’s no money left. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha”.

  59. 59
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Excellent summary of the political situation. I’m navigating by Blind Faith and hoping we won’t wake up one morning to find the UK has been sold off as bankrupt stock by the EU to the Chinese.

  60. 60
    Sir William Waad says:

    If you wish to speak the language of the people you should not talk in triads; should not use ‘pronounce’ as an intransitive verb; should use not rhetorical antithesis but direct phrases.

  61. 61
    Just a guess says:

    What the closest thing to an arsehole?

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Blinky = vacuous obnoxious c’unt

  63. 63
    Blinky Is A Wanker says:

    Ed Balls in a former career.

  64. 64
    Balls the sex machine says:

    “We talked to the Liberal Democrats thinking they were a progressive party – and then they jumped into bed with the Tories.”

    Perhaps they just realised you’d be a lousy fuck?

  65. 65
    Thick As Thieves says:

    Change was so important, that not one significant change has been made… The biggest change Cameron has made is the curtains in number 10

    David Cameron is nothing but a chiselling hoon

  66. 66
    It's all complete ball cocks says:

    “John and Fraser will grow up proud of what their Dad achieved….” ?????

    What like …ruining the UK economy;making The UK the laughing stock of the World and trying to steal the election that booted him out you mean ?? Although it’s all in keeping with the Labour traditions…of leaving a bloody pile of manure to clear up while boasting that the UK “was well placed to survive the recession” and would be first nation out of it !

  67. 67
    13eastie says:

    Seems like Darling is getting a bit prickly – worried about Dave’s Audit, perhaps, Alistair?

    “They’re blaming someone else…”

    Or, to put it another way, “the trillion pound debt is all the Tories’ fault…

    TWAT

  68. 68
    HERMANS REMPLOY VAN says:

    I am suprised that you are laughing at your mate TAT !

  69. 69
    It's all complete ball cocks says:

    Trivial Pursuit; Xmas 2015 Edition

    Who was the Labour leader who reduced Labour’s share of the popular vote to below 20% in the General Election of 2015 beating the records set previously for the worst General Election results for Labour set in 1983 by Michael Foot and 2010 by Gordon Brown ?

  70. 70
    Meye5 says:

    Like to do some DNA checks on that lot.

  71. 71

    I should imagine as soon as they are old enough they will be demanding a DNA test to find out who their real father is!

  72. 72
  73. 73
    J'accuse says:

    Well let’s face it if you move into a house and you find that every room has had its light fittings removed;the kitchen units ripped out and the bathroom suite rubbished and someone has shit in every room it’s a good bet that it was the previous tenants who may have been responsible. Same with the public finances…the Three “guilty” men are Brown;Darling and Byrne and if it’s proven that they’ve not acted responsibly and have been playing politics with no cares for the nation’s finances then charges need to be brought..ex-Ministers and even ex-Prime Ministers would do well to realise that they can be held accountable for their actions in government if found to be acting negligently…there is no immunity from prosecution

  74. 74
    Gloryhunter says:

    he is my mate too

  75. 75
    AC1 says:

    Don’t forget the mountain of housing debt from falling affordability.

    The rent-seeking classes must be loving this easy money, and if it looks like a default, BANG! bailout and the money keeps flowing. No risk, all gain.

  76. 76
    Nazi Labour Party says:

    Ed is a Nazi with learning disabilities. He looks and sounds weird. Best Labour can do I am afraid.

  77. 77
    David Cameron says:

    I said to my wife “Let’s have anal sex right now!”

    She flatly refused. I was so enraged I grabbed her by the hair, hurled her down the stairs, ripped her knickers off and had my own way with her.

    As I was pulling up my pants I stood over her broken body and said “Don’t you dare ever tell anybody about this. If anybody asks, you fell and twisted your ankle, hence the reason you’re limping.”

    As she made her way to her feet she replied “Okay I promise I won’t, hurry up it’s our stop.”

  78. 78
    Chill out Charlie says:

    Ed Balls is most unpleasant.

  79. 79
    Alyingstare Darling says:

    Some big boys came into the Treasury and just stole a Trillion Pounds whilst we were in government !!

    Gordon and I tried to stop them but they just ran off with all your money.

    It all started in America.

  80. 80
    Madbadger says:

    If I see Liam Byrne I’m going to kick his fucking teeth in. Be warned you bastard.

  81. 81

    If Balls is the answer, what is the question?

    Is it ..which character does Tony Robinson play in ‘New Labour the musical’

  82. 82

    shhhhh!
    Bedtime now..

  83. 83
    Ash Cloud says:

    Bye for now, everyone. I’ll be back soon, promise!

  84. 84
    Speech Therapist says:

    Is David the one who sounds the most effeminate of the two?

  85. 85

    “…And I still need to find two people willing to endorse my candidacy.”

  86. 86

    […] be clear on one thing: elections for Labour’s shadow cabinet – pace Guido Fawkes – are going to happen pretty soon, almost certainly before even an early leadership contest. […]

  87. 87

    “Hattie was right! It is all Lord Ashcloud’s fault!”

  88. 88
    Sir William Waad says:

    You have all won. Please email your address plus £4.95 for post and packing and you will receive a FREE Waad’s Wonders Family Farm T-shirt.

  89. 89
    The Libs were a con! PR NOW! says:

  90. 90
    Mr Brassic says:

    What teeth

  91. 91
    The end of the world will be televised says:

    Translated= I need more time to somehow bribe the unions with someone elses money and set up proxy bully boys to rubbish the milibanana bros, answers on a post card please.

  92. 92
    Granny smith says:

    At least Balls would be entertaining.The Millibores speeches, it was like watching paint dry.

  93. 93
    concrete pump says:

    Are you a bit confused Herman?

    Never mind eh………….

  94. 94
    Madbadger says:

    Rephrase that, I am going to kick his fucking teeth in, no ifs no buts.

  95. 95
    Engineer says:

    That, Sir, is a spectacular understatement.

  96. 96
    theprofromdover says:

    off-topic-

    Teddy Bollox might need the refurbshed Bad-Al Campbell on his team.
    He is bragging on his weblog that he has a brand new nose from NHS -and no waiting list amazingly enough.
    He has had to bribe his carers with signed copies of his boook. Ehhh?

    Choc full of nuts with chutspah. What a guy.

  97. 97
    Cheese Lover says:

    Body guards? Surely these can’t be funded from the government purse? He’s out of power and no longer of any account. I assume if he still has them, Unite are paying…

  98. 98
    Where's that hilarious bloke who posts something funny from youtube? says:

    He’s here!

  99. 99
    Plutoid says:

    Ed a pain in the NECk!

  100. 100
    BLUUUUUGH! says:

    Agree, completely.

    If, Dave would have been a real Conservative, we would not be looking at a coalition government, we would be looking at a majority, and Labour left with 50 seats, max, and a dismal, and distant 3rd.

  101. 101
    It's Simple says:

    No Jury and no double jeopardy too I hope.

  102. 102
    BLUUUUUGH! says:

    What does Pweter Fondlebum love to have rested on his chin?

  103. 103
    concrete pump says:

    I don’t want to piss on your creme brulee, but the wine in the Canaries, especially Lanzarote, is fucking awful.

  104. 104
    Dack Blog says:

    I caught Dave M doing his speech on News24 before I left work. Jeez he was awful.

  105. 105
    Not a scooby doo Labour says:

    Eek! Labour the Milibland Regressive party or Ed’s Nazi Party. Labour are lost!

  106. 106
    Gordon Brown says:

    If I had been able to remain as Prime Minister, I would have made the right and proper big important decisions which would have taken Britain out of recession – a recession that was caused by the Tory Party, by the way – by May 16th 2010.

  107. 107
    Tessa Tickles says:

    You mean to check if they’re human?

  108. 108
    Jim Notts Red White & Blue says:

    hahahahaha

  109. 109
    portrait photographer says:

    Cruddarse is actually quite photogenic. I understand he’s a loon, but he’d be the easiest to make look good in a campaign poster.

    The others are dogs.

  110. 110
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    Very funny mind pictures there!!!

  111. 111
    Unsworth says:

    Is that German shepherds as in canine? And I thought it was goatherd – but you may be right.

  112. 112
    Tessa Tickles says:

    He fell over whilst drunk. Obviously didn’t break his neck. Here’s to next time.

  113. 113
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    My whole worldly wealth is on it not being the Gay Boy, Mincing Queen, that spent the National Piggy Bank on a succession of Rent Boys.

  114. 114
    Bob says:

    Drunk again you old lush…

    Or Adam lamped you finally ?!

    How are the wives BTW !!

    Fishwives fighting again ?

    PS Anji must be as jealous as hell that Sue Nye is getting a Vermin Ermine Peerage !!!

  115. 115

    your blog is a piece of shit

    written by a wanker for wankers

  116. 116
    Stalin says:

    fair votes for all, thats what I voted for and thats what I got, a conservative government.

  117. 117
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    Try NZ. Much nicer!!

  118. 118
    nobody cares says:

    numbers plummeting
    interest waning
    election cash running out..

  119. 119
    Bob says:

    Come on Blinky

    Show us a leg

    Was all that aggressivity just bluster ?

    Or has Thuggie Whelan just told you to go back down your hole ???

  120. 120
    nell says:

    http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/simon-carr/simon-carr-mr-speaker-author-of-a-great-jekyll-and-hyde-psychodrama-1975069.html

    sallybercow is apparently boasting on her twitter page that the squeakers are supporting edballs bid for the leadership.

    Very partisan of them too.

    I do hope the coalition is going to arrange for a new speaker by election very soon. There are two or three very decent libdems, who incidentally have not had chance to be speaker for many decades, that will do an honest and impartial job without turning to HoP into a circus ring as bercow does!!

  121. 121
    right up the bullingdon! says:

    just like Cameron’s kids then

  122. 122
    MI5 says:

    We have all noted your comment Midget

    A fitting epitaph to the New Labour Pinzi fraud

    You thought it was joke

    We think you are sick in the head …

  123. 123
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    The Communist Party of GB will have to undergo yet another rebranding.

    Labour, New Labour, Next Labour, or my personal favourite ‘No Labour’.

    I think the ultimate name has much more of a pleasant ring to it!!

    Harperson, or Balls will be fine by me.

    They could re-insert Brown, because it would be the right thing to do!!

    Nueral Linguistic Programming champion, fat gay bastards class 1997-2010

  124. 124
    MI5 says:

    Oh you are howwible…

  125. 125
    MI5 says:

    Plus the HIDDEN TRILLION

    Darling was just the useful idiot used to camouflage the New Labour Ponzi Fraud

  126. 126
    Silvyo Tally says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    HAO TU SQKWARE A GR8* YEUWQKLYDAEAN SURQKLE

    AESZAE

    INIT

    *

    ASTA

  127. 127
    Reality approaches says:

    You used to have to register the company to get a co.uk tag. When did this change? No edballs ltd that I can see on Companies House.

  128. 128
    concrete pump says:

    Whereas YOUR blog is…………………………..

  129. 129
    Hattie Hairpin says:

    Does Guido set the date ?

    Do candidates have to be approved here please Sir ?

  130. 130
    English gent says:

    Quite agree Nell

    And time is running out

    Must be MING the only Scot acceptable in England…

  131. 131

    Silly Bill!

    You know that the contract forbids that! (However much I’d love to share the details with you through a lucrative Hello article!)

  132. 132
    English gent says:

    What is all this tosh Dave is putting around about our being in a family with the Irish, SCots and Welsh

    What utter Balls

    We want to loive freely as English

    Untaxed and unencumbered by the Irish, Scots or Welch

    Get real Dave….

  133. 133
    Leive_bour says:

    Vote Milliband get Millipedes
    Vote Balls get Goerballs
    Something creepy coming over that once ignoble party

  134. 134
    PD77 says:

    Mine Camp? Surely it should be “I’m Camp”?

  135. 135
    Maximus says:

    Does he uhhh know about Yvette?

  136. 136
    MI5 says:

    He wants us to pay for all the sheep shaggers and Celts..

    FFS

    While they insult us….

    He must be mad

    (or he has been nobbled by HM who wants to keep her Kingdom together at our expense)

  137. 137
    jolly says:

    the plague of millipeeds is everywhere. call in mr balls up, to sort it out jolly

  138. 138
    you're a spamming cunt says:

    You’re a spamming c*nt!

  139. 139
    THE THIRD ROUNDEL says:

    Bercow makes a mockery of Parliament and must go – the sooner the better.
    Sadly he will still take his £40,000 Speaker`s pension with him even after such a short tenure. Who`s cleaning up parliament?

  140. 140
    Anonymous says:

    Do you mind old boy, I`m David now, not Dave.

  141. 141
    13eastie says:

    Indeed.

    Instead of cosying up to nationalist arseholes, he should be outlining the electoral reform we’ve been promised:

    1. Eject Scotland and Wales from the Union and become English military occupiers
    2. Deport any dissident Scotch / Taffs to Ulster
    3. Withdraw British forces from Northern Ireland
    4. Stop postal votes
    5. Bring back the poll tax

    P.S. Some good news at last – Gordon Brown is self-immolate on the Forth Bridge tomorrow, according to SarahBrownUK

  142. 142
    PD77 says:

    Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

  143. 143
    We're All 'Cleggons' Now says:

    Hear hear…

    New Speaker Now!!!

  144. 144
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    Unexistant.

  145. 145
    Bill says:

    Ed Balls for leader of the Labour Party Facebook Group

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=101021353277462&ref=ts

  146. 146
    13eastie says:

    Mr Harman’s old pals at Unite looking like complete cocks again…

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/10119196.stm

  147. 147
    Right Wing = not repersented in parliament says:

    Thats what you idiots get for thinking the Tories are a party of the right anymore.

  148. 148
    Sir William Waad says:

    We apologise for the delay to strike BA94. This is due to blockheaded incompetence on the part of Mr Woodley and his minions. In the meantime we suggest you sit around aimlessly in a kind of frustrated stupor. Buy some very expensive coffee. Walk round the shops for the twelfth time. We frankly don’t care what you do.

  149. 149
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    In that heading banner is Ed showing a crowd how he ingratiated himself with the late Mr McMental and his keeper Baron Fondlebum?

  150. 150
    Anonymous says:

    Heil Balls

    Ein Volk, ein Reich, eine Yvette

  151. 151
    Nazi Labour Party says:

    God! 13 years of Labour Bollocks and now they are going dish out more!

  152. 152
    Joining of the desperate says:

    join labour to vote for Balls

  153. 153
    nell says:

    I feel sure you mean complete’ crooks’ again.

    Remind me again how much the UNITE bosses earn and are then paid in expenses and then also claim in housing allowances all of course from their membership fees – Oh! and monies generously donated by brown’s and ball’s labour government (but that of course will be coming to an end and not a moment too soon!)

  154. 154
    Latest Balls2U tube says:

  155. 155
    anon says:

    blinky balls is back and …. bigger ……hehehehehehehe

  156. 156
    anon says:

    what, like should talk proper?

  157. 157
    nell says:

    I do hope bullyballs succeeds , he’ll be a bigger disaster for the labour party than gutlessgordon was.

    Let’s not forget the three musketeers – the three bosom pals who led gordon to disaster, although he’d have gotten there on his own just the same, bullyballs,charliewhelan and damianmcbride. What an attractive trio they are!!!

  158. 158
    Yorkie Barred says:

    But it’s cheap and, after the first three bottles, who gives a shit ?

  159. 159
    AC1 says:

    Pity that Frank Field will be too busy ending the failure rewards system in the UK.

  160. 160
    Chill out Charlie says:

    Indeed!

  161. 161
    Another little man with a big ego says:

    That Balls chappie is a complete and utter clot – Does he seriously think he is capable of doing the Job?

    To have that twat with, literally, his finger on our nuclear button scares the shit out of me – he is a creature of the system no more no less. He does not have any concept of being a proper leader and statesman of the United kingdom.

  162. 162
    Gladys Pew says:

    Excellent!

  163. 163
    Chill out Charlie says:

    Good Lord, his eyes are different, still mad and odd… were these people all on some medication?

  164. 164
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    This is more exciting than a trip to Tesco with Richard Madeley. I wonder who Bruin will back? More to the point, will his famous jonah touch still be present even though he’s now joined the ranks of the irrelevant?

  165. 165
    nell says:

    What a hard faced labour party lot he’s got around him there. Talk to the voters! bullyballs is no more going to talk to any voters, other than hardcore labour ones than he’s going to take a trip to the moon!!

    They’re all, including the militwits, seriously engaged now in navel gazing and introspection amongst themselves.

    They don”t want to hear what middle england, floating voters or people who voted for libdems, tories or others are saying because all of those are rejecting labour’s ‘progressive’ nonsense ie take from the hard working population and give it to labour’s idle class largely created over the last 13 years .

    And Oh Yes! bullyballs and the militwits are still dressing it up as taking from the rich and giving to the poor as though the electorate are idiots, like gordon with his one brain cell, and will believe their lying rhetoric!!!!

  166. 166
    Yorkie Barred says:

    It was revealed today that, in Bradford primary schools, 43% of the kids do not have English as their first language – do the maths – in a generation’s time that really is ghetto-city.

    And Bradford is not alone, it is merely the pathfinder. With that in mind, there is only one feasible Labour leader……

    Come in Keith Vaz, your time is now !

  167. 167
    Ratsniffer says:

    The “it was all the tories fault” has already started. Anyone else hear Darling on BBPravda this morning? Trying to kill stories that zanulabour left the treasury in a complete state, riven with debt, and with just a note left for the new incumbents with “I am sorry to have to tell you there is no money left”?

    He said it was a classic tory trick to try to blame the previous administration! You just gasp at the cheek of the marxists, why doesn’t David Cleggeran do the right thing and CALL IN THE IMF to independently audit the books? That way it’s above board, and the liars who are labour cannot pretend it is some kind of stitch up.

  168. 168
    BLUUUUUGH! says:

    Bandersnatch…..Interesting name.

    Did you, or were you anything to do with Imagine Software circa 1985-86?

  169. 169
    Eddie Booth from Love Thy Neighbour says:

    Going viral… 2 views so far.

  170. 170
    Tim R says:

    Shame about Guido – used to be worth reading – now it’s just sad articles like this in place of news / gossip.

    You had a poor election GF – not essential reading anymore I’m afraid to say. Do you know it too?

    Sorry I don’t mean to be unkind

  171. 171
    Labour is a cancer on society says:

    England lives with the ever present horror that the Labour monster may revive itself and behind a flood of lies and a charismatic leader once again fool the proles en masse to vote for them. Five more years of them then its certain penury, civil war and the stone age.

    The head of this monster lives in Scotland. The only way to stop this disgusting party from gaining power again is to cut Scotland adrift. It is simply self preservation. Be prepared for a flood of refugees south of course as the country would probably descend into a North Korea.

  172. 172
    The end of the world will be televised says:

    Its blogporn and we love it. With such an erudite comment you must be a leftie, maybe next time you can be really original and call us cocks or even knobs! Really hurts our feeelings you can be sure, im off to cry

  173. 173
    Blinky Is A Wanker says:

    I can’t believe there are still people who think Labour is for the poor and the working class. In the run-up to the election, I had conversations with Labour supporters who genuinely believe Labour is the only party that wants to help the poor and the disadvantaged, and is the only party that will protect people’s freedoms! Where have they been the last 13 years?! This is the same Labour party that’s shat on the poor and on pensioners, took part in an illegal Neo-Con war, and made this the most surveilled First World country in peacetime history and introduced 3,500 new offences and wanted to bring in ID cards! They just can’t compute that it’s the Tories who have the progressive policies of scrapping the ID card scheme and scrapping plans to extend the time you can detain suspects without charge, and are going to drop the damaging increase in NI contributions. It’s as though they’re still so obsessed with harking back to Thatcher that they want to believe Tories are eternally evil and Labour are eternally good. Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.

  174. 174
    barefootcontessa says:

    The sooner he goes the better. He’s a nasty little turd with a giant chip on his shoulder.

  175. 175
    This is So nonconservative and unfair. says:

    Have to say unless Osborne introduces a Taper relief element into his Draconian capital gains tax then the Tories are toast .

    Capital gains tax used to be fair and encouraged long term investment and discouraged the quick buck. Until Gordon changed all this and encouraged speculation.

    Osborne should be aware that many sensible investors need to be rewarded for long time commitment. As it stands a tax of 40% is draconian and a reason for a fire sale of assets.

  176. 176
    Post-Election Frolics says:

  177. 177
    barefootcontessa says:

    The sooner he goes the better. He’s a nasty little t.rd with a giant chip on his shoulder.

  178. 178
    nell says:

    damian are you getting bored with that school job again??

    I hear gordon is advertising for a minder as he starts to set out his store for a job in the G20 or the World Bank where he thinks his unique monetary wrecking talents will be indispensible.

    You and he made an exceptional team when it came to thuggish talents for getting gordon his own way regardless of truth. You should apply!!!

  179. 179
    Cheese Lover says:

    Unite Orders: Use the dim proles at BA to probe all the detail of the law, brothers, then, when the cuts come, we’ll be able to press on with the public sector strikes knowing there is no way they can be stopped…

  180. 180
    Hugh Janus says:

    “That Balls chappie is a complete and utter clot”

    Another spectacular understatement, one that might even border on the criminal! However, I am happy to back his bid for the leadership as it should keep NoLiebour out of office for a very long time.

    Bring it on Blinky!

  181. 181
    barefootcontessa says:

    No, he doesn’t seem to be at the political cutting edge does he?

  182. 182
    Hugh Janus says:

    That NuLiebour finds it amusing to think that they bankrupted the country just about says it all.

  183. 183
    Post-Election Frolics says:

    3:00 – 3:20 has some golden Cameron jokes about Baldemort.

  184. 184
    The end of the world will be televised says:

    You can tell hes lying when hes blinking, faster the blinks the bigger the lie!

  185. 185
    nell says:

    Let’s wait and see shall we? There is going to have to be an increase in CGT we have to accept that. I favour VAT increased to 20% but I suspect the coalition is still reeling from what they are finding in labour’s hidden accounts and there is going to have to even more severe measures.

    liambyrne’s sneering comment ‘sorry the money’s all spent’ says it all!!

    We have to wait for the audit the coalition have called to tell us how bad it really is . The figure is undoubtedly going to be between £1780billion and £3trillion. gordon’s £860billion was an outright lie!!!

  186. 186
    Dave (and Nick) says:

    Free museums & free libraries are NOW a thing of the past.

    Why should taxpayers fund free loading relic hunters?

    To make it a tad more painless, books on loan are 50p a time and Museum entrances are £1.50p

    No serious and poor book borrower and fossil hunter will be put off or excluded at these stupidly low prices.

  187. 187
    The end of the world will be televised says:

    Labour gave up on the working class long ago its now the party of immigrants, non-jobs and benefit thieves. It stands for nothing but lies and spin. Brown spent years attempting to make us all so dependent on the state we would do nothing else but vote them back in, and he fucked up in spectacular fashion.

  188. 188
    Dick Sniffer & Ball Licker says:

    *SNIFF* *SNIFF* *LICK* LICK*

  189. 189
    This is So nonconservative and unfair. says:

    Quite agree with your assesment Nell. But surely a revesion to the former Tory taper relief system is the only fair way for smaller investors and a way that encourages long term investment from investors both big and small?

    This is a Gordon Cock up, no need for Osborne to make it worse.

  190. 190
    DESTORY THEM ALL says:

    GO ON CAMBO SON FUCKING BASH THEIR SKULLS IN ABOUT THE DEBT GOOOOOOO ON.

  191. 191
    Lightweight Cast Iron says:

    Ah, the good old VIC-20.

    Happy days…

  192. 192
    Another little man with a big ego says:

    Labour have a problem and its structural – basically they attract then promote then elect men and wimmin who have never done a proper job and have never grown a business or created wealth. When fishing around for a new effective leader, therefore, they are fishing in a very shallow pond.

    Then you have to take into account the Marxists and commies who hide within the party trying to gain control to bring or hurry along their Marxist ‘Utopia’.

    What to do? Well I don’t particularly like the Bloke but if Alan Sugar was the leader of the Labour Party at least you might have a business orientated “CEO’ as a potential PM.

    Balls is more the type to be on the doors acting as a bouncer

  193. 193
    c.eng says:

    What a nauseating pseud piece of shit was that Stephen Fry arsehole

  194. 194
    Anonymous says:

    Labour won’t be happy until they’ve created an East Germany right here on this very land, brought about by voters who are so dumb they would vote for the very party who would enslave and oppress them ie Labour.Aided by the beeb spewing out marxist propaganda and using censure on anything they disagree with.The beeb hate the Tories and Liberals for believing in freedom as its against their socialist collectivist utopian dream.
    I really wish we had a news organisation in this country who would counter the beebs marxist bllocks,censure and spinning for the Labour Party.Sod it ! even Fox News at least the people would have a news channel that actually debates issues.I wish.Its like living in the old Commie block, we brits never get the truth from any televised news organisation in this country and its needs to change.Scrapping the tele tax would be a very good start.

  195. 195
    c.eng says:

    39,483

  196. 196
    Liar Byrnme says:

    FOUND !!! Weapons of Mass FINANCIAL Destruction…

    http://tinyurl.com/28rhj8n

  197. 197
    The UK is a lost cause says:

    You were all warned, but cowered in fear as soon at the word Racist was thrown about, the best thing you can do now is find a white enclave abroad and flee to it before it really is too late and the attacks against whites ramp up to levels never seen before.

  198. 198
    Engineer says:

    I beg to differ. He is a balanced character; a nasty little t.rd with a giant chip on BOTH shoulders.

  199. 199
    AC1 says:

    Where’……s the blog?
    Where’s the blog? Where’s the blog?
    Where’s the blog? Where’s the blog? Where’……s the blo-o-og?
    Where’s the blog? Where’s the blog? Where’s the blog?
    Where’……s the blo-o-og? Where’s the blog!?

  200. 200
    nell says:

    Yes I expect there will be something like taper relief in the budget but who knows??!

    financially incontinent labour has spent us into worse straits than the african congo .

    We have to wait and see what financial horrors this Coalition find in labour’s hidden debts and extreme expenditure and what they need to do about it to et us out of this hole that gordon/balls and labour have so deliberately dug for us!!!!

  201. 201
    Engineer says:

    In a spirit of magnanimity, here are freely offered some excuses that former Treasury ministers and political advisers may care to deploy in the coming months:

    1) Efficiency cuts in the Treasury meant that the abacus had insufficient beads.

    2) The GOATs ate the paperwork.

    3) It wasn’t us. The civil service fiddled the figures while we were out to lunch.

    4) Accountancy isn’t our strong point. (Worked for Jack the Straw – sort of.)

    5) It was Thatcher’s fault.

  202. 202
    Jan says:

    O/T The snoops haven’t gone away.Apparently every child under five will have a visit from ‘Big Brother’ to check out that there is a smoke alarm in their house, locks on medicine cupboards blah blah blah. Who is going to pay for all this and who is going to carry out the checks? What if a family won’t let the snoop in? Who decides what is safe? ..Whoever thought of this is barking.

  203. 203
    AC1 says:

    Labour is the party of the rent-seeker.

    The party of the unemployable, and the easily bribed party of the establishment, all funded by the working classes (as there’s next to no middle class left in the U.K. (how many can afford a servant)).

  204. 204
    nell says:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/8688149.stm

    I see the failed labour lord amstrad sugar is now touting to become the next FA leader. labour’s gone – have to find another source of generous income quick!!!

    What a very immoral, shallow, self-serving lot this labour crew are!!!

  205. 205
    Anonymous says:

    Cut the ‘progressive’ crap or the lady gets it!

  206. 206
    EDWIN TESTICLES says:

    SHAKE AND BAKE

  207. 207
    Next Labour says:

    Interesting facts on the Milibrats’ father, Adolphe here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Miliband

    An illegal immigrant and a bit of a cradle snatcher Marxist, Militantband senior
    found a home from home inside the Labour party…

  208. 208
    Liar Byrne says:

    It started in America ??

  209. 209
    Poz says:

    Does anyone think that the elder boy is the pot double of Mrs Blair? Or is it just me??

  210. 210
    Whistleblower says:

    Thank you for joining my campaign
    Dear Guido,

    Thank you for joining my movement for change. I have been energised by the thousands of messages of support and offers of help.

    Reading through my Facebook inbox, my Twitter feed and the response form on the website, I have been touched by the thousands of members of the public, Labour well wishers, students in Labour clubs, constituency members, bloggers, and trade union activists, who have volunteered to help my campaign and have told me about the ideas you have for our Party.

    We will try and involve each and every one of you and will be getting in touch again with ways you can help when my website formally launches this week.

    Meanwhile, please forward this email to 10 of your friends and family and ask them to sign up to the campaign at http://www.davidmiliband.net

    Really looking forward to working with you over the campaign and beyond.

    Best wishes,

    David

  211. 211
    Hugh Janus says:

    I think we already knew that Nell, but it will do no harm to go on reminding the world of this fact.

    On the Sugar point, what has he actually achieved since being elevated to the peerage, apart from another telly series? What, exactly, was the point of his trip to the H o L? Can any of the NuLiebour lot enlighten us please? Is it a very long list of distinguished achievements? Or was it just an opportunity for another headline by the not-at-all lamented McBust of Drowning Street? Do tell.

  212. 212
    Anonymous says:

    You never had to register a company to get a .co.uk address.

  213. 213
    Hugh Janus says:

    “Balls is more the type to be on the doors acting as a bouncer”

    I doubt it – with his history of bullying and rudness he wouldn’t obtain an SIA licence!!

  214. 214
    Gobshite says:

    He ain’t no Clive Sinclair.

  215. 215
    Gobshite says:

    He did go to Oxford though.

    But so did Nick Griffin.

  216. 216
    Jimmy says:

    Not getting any better is it?

  217. 217
    HERMANS REMPLOY VAN says:

    YOU NEED TO READ SMIG’S POSTS
    It’s him and so is Gloryhunte
    But hey you two can always get a room !

  218. 218

    What’s wrong with David Laws’ mouth? Has he got a fish-hook in it?

    BBC just figured out that an “independent” panel appointed by the govt… isn’t actually that independent. Bit of a coincidence, them only noticing after 13 years of Labour using that dodge for everything from the Kelly murder inquiry to crashing educational standards…

  219. 219
    Lord Amstrad of Cockenee says:

    Listen. You stand there, lord luvva duck, you insult my fabulous products, which have revolutionised the electronics industry. So let me remind you of my famous internet telephone. Dahn at the old bull and bush! A work of bleedin’ genius. Who needs a computer when you can type e-mails into yer phone? ok, how was I to know that when people send texts they are already doing that? So, just shut it. Roooowoll ahhht the barrel, let’s have barrel o fun…consider yerself one o’ the family…yap yap rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit yap yap unzip a banana!

  220. 220
    At home with the Browns says:

    Any minute now, Sarah, the phone will ring and President Omaha will ask me to lead the Global economic economy out of recession and into increased growth and prosperity by abolishing boom and bust.

  221. 221
    AC1 says:

    You mean extortion funded museums and Libraries…

    I might be wrong I am unaware of any museum or library where the staff work for nothing and the building is supported by charity in this country.

  222. 222
    Christy says:

    Just where is all this potential talent that the Liebour party imagine that they have as leadership candidates?.
    What a motley crew:- The Marx Brothers,Blinkybully Balls,Mascara (death tax man) and Crudd.
    Straw won’t touch it with a bargepole,Harridan ain’t interested and neither is Darling buds of May,it really is a poison chalice for whoever gets implanted.
    My hope is that Goebells gets it via his unite backers and that really will be game set and match for this bunch of NuLab tossers,never to exercise any control over the goverment of this country ever again.
    This bunch of commies have been the most treacherous,duplicitous wreckers that this country has ever known,they make the whores and prostitutes that Cromwell addressed in his famous speech look like saints.

  223. 223
    AC1 says:

    How’s that massive investment in commercial property at the height of the bubble doing?

  224. 224
    The Invisible Man says:

    Look, you ain’t seen me, right?

  225. 225
    13eastie says:

    Oxford might have given you Blair, but Dick Sniffin got his 2:2 from Cambridge, thank you.

  226. 226
    The Invisible Man says:

    +++ BREAKING NEWS +++

    Backbench MP Jon Cruddas has said he will not stand for the leadership of the Labour Party.

    BBC

  227. 227
    LIAM BURN in HELL says:

    Osbourne: Wheres the fucking cuts you promised ?
    six billion is lose change compaired to what we need

    1 50% of all non front line staff in the NHS
    2 cut ALL over seas aid
    3 get rid of ALL quango’s
    4 end All the over priced IT contracts for government dept’s
    5 scrap all new start schemes
    6 stop benefits to all lazy bastards that dont get a job within twelve months
    7 end the fucking stupid practice of giving fathers 12 months off work after child birth
    8 end all benefits to non working single mothers after ONE child
    9 no benefits to anybody who is in this country illegally (just a one way plane ticket to where they came from)
    10 prosecute ALL MP’S from any party who stole money from tax payers

    i voted for a party of change and one which will implement the cuts that they promised

  228. 228
    Maggies Drawers says:

    Burnham looks like a Sesame Street puppet.

  229. 229
    My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

    Ein ball!

  230. 230
    Maggies Drawers says:

    Balls like any goose stepping nazi is probably alright “out of the office”. I bet he likes a giggle over a pint like the rest of us, that is when he’s not stabbing people in the back.

  231. 231
    Tony B Liar says:

    What is important is.

  232. 232
    Maggies Drawers says:

    Where’s Lord Lucan?
    Where’s Shergar?
    Where is Shangri-La?
    Where is tat’s blog?
    Where is Santa Claus?

    These are some of the great mysteries of the modern world.

  233. 233
    Kent Friend says:

    Sarah can’t talk right now because her face is buried in my snatch. And if you phone this number again, I’ll call the police.

  234. 234

    Comment 14 refers to ‘Johnny McMong’. It would be jolly irresponsible of anyone to retaliate with snide quips about poor wee Ivan.

    The Ed Ball’s Diary is – well – not very funny is it? I’m hardly likely to laugh my fanny off in the near future. Give it a rest – you’re no sketch writer.

  235. 235
    Maggies Drawers says:

    And the Great PFI Swindle. They’ve built all these hospitals, but they haven’t been paid for and nobody knows what they will cost. I bet its loads.

  236. 236

    Calm down, you deranged fucker.

  237. 237
    AC1 says:

    As London Muslim is out at his madrassa I thought I’d post the

    Miss USA winner.

    MISS USA

  238. 238
    revolting peasant says:

    Good interview with David Laws on Newsnight.For once Paxman is managing to ask decent questions and allow the viewer to hear the answers. Laws seems straightforward and genuine.

  239. 239

    WHAT an amusing name? Do you write the Ed Balls Diary? Certainly has your winning ways with comedy.

  240. 240
    Christy says:

    This late bunch of NuLab commissars really are as they say in Irish Scriosta Cuideachta party and no I am not Irish but I take an interest in the language I suppose Guido will correct me if I am wrong,but as I see it this means the destruction party.

  241. 241
    Whistleblower says:

    “Guido Fawkes admits frankly:

    “Hand on heart, I do not want to be leader of the Labour party or subsequently prime minister. These require certain qualities I do not possess. “The role of leader is one of the greatest honours imaginable – but it is not a bauble to aspire for. It is a duty to fulfil. I do not feel that I am in a position to deliver on the hopes and expectations that will be placed in the next leader.””

  242. 242

    Smig – you’ve never had a shag, have you?

  243. 243
    revolting peasant says:

    He said standing for Labour leadership would “require qualities that I do not possess”.

  244. 244
    AC1 says:

    1 Privatise the NHS
    2 Scrap extortion-funded overseas aid
    3 Get rid of all quangos
    4 If it needs a complicated database then the law is too complicated, so scrap the law.
    5 Scrap new start
    6 Stop Benefits
    7 Stop giving fathers and mothers the legal right to pay for not working
    8 End Child benefit.
    9 No Benefits except equal Citizens Dividend funded by LVT and IPVT.
    10 Prosecute all MPs and connected persons claiming expenses that would be illegal for a company employee.
    11 Scrap Income Tax
    12 Scrap NI
    13 Scrap VAT
    14 Hypothecate Fuel duty for Transport.
    15 All State charges come out of C.D.
    16 Phase out state pension (replace with C.D.)

  245. 245
    AC1 says:

    Cameron actually said something that wasn’t stupid or pandered to the homeownerist rabble.

    “What we’ve said is there’s a very big difference between the capital gains that someone [makes] on a second home, which is not necessarily a splendid investment for the whole economy, and business assets.”

  246. 246
    The Negotiator says:

    Are these the issues you will not yield on or just your starter for ten?

  247. 247
    Corky the Catholic says:

    You fecking jaqueen.

  248. 248
    My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

    Guido,heres the bet, neither the bildeberger twins nor wanky eyes gets the lemon position of leader of Labour.Ed is running to sheild the bananaman and crowd the race,david is a metropolitan KNOB .wanky eyes is unlikely to be popular even in his own mind so I would suggest £100 be the wager or euros if you prefer.None of these twats is my instinct,whats yours?

  249. 249
    revolting peasant says:

    Newsnight focus group was asked to comment on potential Labour leaders. They all chose David Milliband and one labour voter said Balls looked like he worked in a kebab shop.

  250. 250
    grobdj says:

    Anyone else hear Alastair Darling say today that blaming the previous Government is the oldest trick in the book???????

  251. 251
    Mr Slater's parrot says:

    (k-krrakk) (sunflower) (ptoo!) (ping) RUBYRUBY!!! RUBYRUBY!!!

  252. 252
    Dack Blog says:

    Nwesnight: has Dave (red) had botox? God he’s got massive hands.

  253. 253
    Dack Blog says:

    Newsnight is ‘Nwesnight’ after three pints of cider.

  254. 254
    Dack Blog says:

    Is that ‘be a twat’?

  255. 255
    dodgy dave says:

    FFS BBC. You can’t stop licking up to Labour (e.g Newsnight). They’re a dead parrot for a few years. ‘Conserve a Lib’ is the new show in town, so ditch your champagne bottles and get real!

  256. 256
    Mr Slater's parrot says:

    SCHHHNNNNNIIIIFFFFFF… (splutter) (snurrk) (fluff) OOYEWLOOKIN’AT!!!

  257. 257
    Mr Slater says:

    Please! All this talk about deceased psittacines is as fresh and au courant as a 1969 Monty Python sketch. Can’t we concentrate on the living ones, for a change? They have such lovely plumage.

  258. 258
    revolting peasant says:

    Bring the troops home now.

  259. 259
    fuggy says:

    OT but edited for clarity

    From Times Online
    May 17, 2010
    Labour minister Liam Byrne left note on desk: ‘There’s no money left’
    Liam Byrne, the former Chief Secretary to the Treasury, last week wrote a letter for his successor – the Liberal Democrat David Laws – stating: “I’m afraid to tell you there’s no money left.”
    Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Mr Laws said: “When I arrived at my desk on the very first day as Chief Secretary, I found a letter from the previous chief secretary to give me some advice, I assumed, on how I conduct myself over the months ahead.
    “Unfortunately, when I opened it, it was a one-sentence letter which simply said ’Dear Chief Secretary, I’m afraid to tell you there’s no money left’, which was honest but slightly less helpful advice than I had been expecting.”
    The letter – which Mr Byrne claims was meant to be humorous – represents a sign of the stark challenges facing the new Coalition Government to reduce Britain’s record £163 billion budget deficit.
    Mr Byrne insisted that his parting message was meant as a private joke.
    “My letter was a joke, from one Chief Secretary to another,” he said today. “I do hope David Laws’ sense of humour wasn’t another casualty of the coalition deal.”
    The ill-judged private comment marks the second time in a month that the Labour MP for Birmingham Hodge Hill has made a gaffe. During the election campaign, Mr Byrne was caught swapping notes with Yvette Copper, the former Secretary of State for Work & Pensions, complaining that an event which they were attending was “second tier”.

    Andrew Murphy wrote:
    “people vote Labour because they believe in common humanity”

    Nonsense. People vote Labour because they believe that their view of the world is superior and that their plans and programs should be financed at the point of a gun via the taxation of productive citizens.
    May 17, 2010 5:47 PM BST on community.timesonline.co.uk
    Recommend? (23)

  260. 260
  261. 261
    Post-Election Frolics says:

    I wonder what kind of threats the Milibots and Balls made.

  262. 262
    dodgy dave says:

    I’ll join your parrot and pine for the fjords. Norwegian lasses are so….

  263. 263
    Sarah Palin's Witchfinder says:

    BURN THE BOOKS!!

  264. 264
    fuggy says:

    OT but fawkes modded my last post cos it were a wee bit long.

    People vote Labour because they believe that their view of the world is superior and that their plans and programs should be financed at the point of a gun via the taxation of productive citizens.

    Link : http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/economics/article7128665.ece#comment-have-your-say

  265. 265

    At the Treasury we round up from 0.1

  266. 266
    amongymous says:

    To me the far more shocking fact is that Diane Abbot got into Cambridge – how in god’s name did that happen??

  267. 267
    Dave is still keeping his powder dry says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

    You have to wonder just how hard Dave’s apologists will keep trying week after week when it’s blatantly obvious he’s told the Conservative right to go fuck themselves as he has his new Liberal friends now and doesn’t need them.

  268. 268
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Jeremy Paxman asks David Miliband if he is a wonk. Clearly Miliband is charming everyone in his campaign.

  269. 269

    The man who was buying Woolworths just weeks before it went under.
    Technicality kept him away from the whole mess but he was very lucky not to be badly burned.

  270. 270

    There’s a bus that goes up the M11.

  271. 271

    Yes..Did he add “It was the Tories” at the end or did I imangine that bit?

  272. 272
    Bow down to your new lord and master toryboys says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

    Keep on howling at the moon toryboys.
    Nick & Dave have made the right obselete.

  273. 273
    Bow down to your new lord and master toryboys says:

  274. 274
    ACI says:

    Only self obsessed narcissistic twats have blogs.

    Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, often used as a pejorative, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.

  275. 275
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    Toilets Maguire was spouting his usual shit on Sky News tonight. Anyone else noticed how his silly eyebrows go up and down more often than a geordie tarts knickers after three bottles of Bacardi Breezer?

  276. 276
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    Clearly Michael Pricks shower has died. Does he ever wash?

  277. 277
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    Does he not hang out in mens urinals then?

  278. 278
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    Does he get to see Yvette’s Kebab?

  279. 279
    Where's that hilarious bloke who posts something funny from youtube? says:

    He’s here!!

  280. 280
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    Alan Sugar, the ‘genius’ who stated that Bill Gates would never make any money selling software.

    And Nu liebour used his for business expertise?

  281. 281
    you're a spamming cunt says:

    you’re a spamming Hunt!

  282. 282
    New ComRes and ICM polls says:

    we have the first voting intentions since the General election. ComRes in the Independent on Sunday/Sunday Mirror have voting intentions of CON 38%, LAB 34%, LDEM 21%. From the general election the Liberal Democrats are down and Labour up, presumably a direct defection of Liberal Democrat voters who are more inclined to Labour and opposed to the party joing the Conservatives in coalition.

    41% of respondents thought that the Liberal Democrats had sold out their principles, with 47% disagreeing. This included 34% of Liberal Democrat votes. 35% of respondents agreed with the statement that Nick Clegg should have opted for a coalition with Labour rather than one with the Conservatives, that includes 33% of Liberal Democrats (presumably 33% of remaining Liberal Democrats, as opposed to 33% of those who voted Lib Dem in 2010).

  283. 283
    you're a spamming cunt says:

    You’re a spamming c’unt!

  284. 284
    The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

    No Liebour is up because the one eyed mong has fucked off.

  285. 285
    bye bye coalition says:

    when the Libs really start to tank in a few months time, then the fun begins

  286. 286
    TaT LOVES MARTIN WEBSTER and always talks about bumrape ! says:

    Eat shit and die TAT You mental pig fucker !

  287. 287
    TaT LOVES MARTIN WEBSTER and always talks about bumrape ! says:

    Gordon Brown’s mate knob’s that !
    and so would TAT given half a chance
    he’s got to lose his cherry one day !

  288. 288
    Angry and Despondent says:

    How about “Hard Labour”? That’s what the country’s been doing for the last thirteen years.

  289. 289
    Angry and Despondent says:

    Let’s face it, Supporters of Labour are fanatical and refuse to condemn any wrongdoing by their side. It’s a case of “They may be thieves, liars and cheats, but they’re LABOUR thieves, liars and cheats.”

    Uncritical Labour supporters are as corrupt as the party itself. All you hear from them about the expenses fiddling are about duck houses and moats. They’ll admit nothing about the likes of Darling flipping his second home four times so he could evade paying Capital Gains Tax on the profits when he sold them. They also say that M.P.s shouldn’t have second jobs, inferring it’s just the evil Tories who do that. The Likes of Adam Ingram, Nick Raynsford, Richard Caborn, Alan Milburn, David Blunkett, Hillary Armstrong, Stephen Ladyman etc getting themselves some nice little earners with companies they dealt with as ministers are just Labour good ol’ boys and girls bettering themselves.

    You ought to know by now that Labour voters would have elected Adolph Hitler, Robert Mugabe, Pol Pot and Saddam Hussein if they had stood wearing a red rosette in this country. Labour supporters are SO tribal they would vote for the party even if they knew their manifesto stated their intention was to slaughter every firstborn child in the land. That’s how stupid and unthinking they are, you’ll never change them.

    Never forget, it’s in Labour’s interest to keep the population stupid, resentful and envious. Why do you think Labour controlled areas of the country are centres of deprivation, even in the areas where they’ve been in power since time immemorial? They don’t want anyone to better themselves. That’s why they devised Comprehensive Education – let the schools turn out unthinking thickoes who’ll be unemployable and the ones who can read they’ll brainwash with Marxist propaganda. Simples!

  290. 290
    Maggies Drawers says:

    TAT does have a blog after all! It’s called Youtoob ;)

  291. 291
    Smig says:

    Herman and his Variety Club Sunshine Coach:

    I’m not TaT, but if you’re having to smear, I must be hitting the target.

    Smig 1 – 0 Gordoom Bruin F.C. (Fucked Country)

  292. 292
    Smig says:

    Pippa Townsend and her amazing ability to get URL’s wrong:

    Now you mention it, a “shag” is a bit of a tame way to describe my sexual shenanigans. I prefer to fuck gratuitously in a number of positions as prescribed in the Kama Sutra.

    How do you prefer it? Soft and gentle or with an unlubricated DonkeyDick slapping your arse prior to entry?

  293. 293
    Maggies Drawers says:

    Set Boulton on the twat.

  294. 294
    Maggies Drawers says:

    If you don’t like it, here’s an idea, start a funny blog of your own.

  295. 295
    Maggies Drawers says:

    Triesman made the mistake of telling the truth.

    Who can forget that penalty decision against Rooney in Moscow that threw us out of the European Championship? The ref was Spanish and Rooney wasn’t even in the box.

  296. 296
    Bow down to your new lord and master toryboys says:

  297. 297
    Bow down to your new lord and master toryboys says:

  298. 298
    A song for Alky Boulton says:

  299. 299

    Actually poor blinky deluded himself into thinking it gave him street cred. Anyway he’s still waiting for permission from Mrs. Balls if he can launch his leadership bid. After he’s done the dishes of course.

  300. 300
    Sir Everard Digby says:

    Don’t forget the efforts of Lady Kinnock,which were…………no I’m still trying to think of one.

  301. 301
    CuttingEdge says:

    Nope. Hard labour is what the country will be doing for the next 20 years.

  302. 302
    Rick the Roman says:

    “Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel or envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.”
    Churchill

  303. 303
    Dickio Maximus says:

    That’s not David Miliband, It’s obviously Count Arthur Strong.

    Evidence:
    http://www.comedy.co.uk/guide/radio/count_arthur_strong_radio_show/
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yfZt2cP6mg&feature=related

  304. 304
    CuttingEdge says:

    When is a c.unt not a fanny? When its a Balls…

  305. 305
    Tony Robinson says:

    Phil…. Carenza! Come and have a look at this object we’ve just found in the basement of Number 10. Could it be a mobile phone thrown during the death throes of the Mong dynasty? There’s some inscription on the bottom: “Property of GB, Saviour of the World”. The demented one himself!!

    Could we have stumbled upon the bunker? Is there a poisoned dog? Time Team has 2 days left to unravel the story.

  306. 306
    Where's that hilarious bloke who posts something funny from youtube? says:

    Hilarious!

  307. 307
    Canary Wharf Rat says:

    This thread is a waste of space. It doesn’t matter who is elected leader of Old Liars. 28% of the electorate will still vote for them even if Coco the clown is the figurehead. As for anyone with half a brain they will not go near them as this tale of economic incompetence, waste and scandal unfolds. Best thing they could do is split into three new factions/parties. Marxists, Khmer Rouge and Facists.

  308. 308
    Labour is a cancer on society says:

    Bang on. They are a bunch of commies. They have a client state that is 28% bought with taxpayers money who would even vote for Pressclot for leader.

    They are the enemy of society. The only way to deal with them is:
    1. ignore them
    2. reform the postal voting system to eliminate fraud
    3. redraw the constituency boundaries to ensure fewer of them elected
    4. bring their leaders (and past leaders) to trail for treason, false accounting, fraud, misconduct in public office etc
    5. let the public know the truth about them i.e. not assist the cover up as in Glasgow
    6. scrap the tv license and stifle their propaganda channels. Purge them from the BBC and sell it off.
    7. Stop the ‘jobs for trots’ gravy train in the public services.
    8. choke off their union funding by limiting donation size and an opt out assumption for political levy
    9. reform union laws so that they can be sued for damages by third parties caught up in a strike e.g. suppliers

  309. 309
    filipinomonkey says:

    You leave Bananaboy’s zip alone, it’s alarmed.

    As we all are if he ever makes PM…

  310. 310
    filipinomonkey says:

    Often, hence the bulging eyes…

  311. 311
    Voice of Treason says:

    Milipede – he has that aura of creepiness a bit like Mandelson. He’s far too swarthy and ugly to stand any chance against the two pretty boys.

  312. 312
    Archer Karcher says:

    This from a member of a government that has spent the last thirteen years, blaming everything that was wrong in the country, as Thatcher’s fault. Socialism is a mental illness.

  313. 313
    Smig says:

    Wake up and smell the reality of a fubared economy.

  314. 314
    Gladys Pew says:

    Where is Liam Byrne going to be over the next few weeks? Anyone have his itinery? I would dearly love to get in his face and tell him exactly what I think of the lying little arrogant hoon. Preferably with media around too. Maybe we should set up ambushes of straight talking tax payers to call out this piece of shit.

  315. 315
    Quantrill says:

    Correct

  316. 316
    BLINKY BALLS IS BACK AND BITTER. says:

    Very clever. Yvette.

  317. 317
    BLINKY BALLS IS BACK AND BITTER. says:

    I borrowed the ‘tach from Yvette Brawn.

    This is a state secret.

  318. 318
    Quantrill says:

    He made crap hi-fi equipment…………Amstrad = junk, garbage in = garbage out. I doubt he will do any better in politics, self serving grasping j.

  319. 319
    Keith Joseph's preserved pulsing head says:

    A long time ago ( how long ago it seems) we used to hear stories about Mctwat’s human side, his warmth, his kindness, his sense of humou,r how he wasn’t really like how he seemed….

    WE NEED the same about BLINKY!

    Come on Yvette! tell us about “your hero”

  320. 320
    Father Abraham says:

    jolly jolly good, pip pip pippa, now off you jolly well go for a jaunt to Paris with your champagne socialist chums there’s a good gel

  321. 321
    Smig says:

    Polly, make yourself useful and put the kettle on.

  322. 322
    Mr. E. Milliband says:

    Well, Tony got 5 mansions and 20 mill, so I expect Gordo will do nicely too., but it’s nothing to what I will make when I become leader!

  323. 323
    Mr. E. Milliband says:

    Or just sickbag.

  324. 324
    Mr. E. Milliband says:

    Gordon and Alastair on the back benches! How low can they sink. Must need the money badly.

  325. 325
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Thank you AC1. I hope it does as much for order-order’s circulation as it did for mine.


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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