April 30th, 2010

Friday Caption Competition (Window Licker on the Inside Edition)


  1. 1
    Templar says:

    I’ll be out late mummy, don’t wait up for me…

  2. 2

    If I keep practicing I am sure I will reach my eyebrows

  3. 3
    James says:

    If…I can…just…get past this…level….YES!

  4. 4

    “Just going for a drink with Alastair”

  5. 5
    Shas says:

    Add 1 billion, carry the two and bingo there is no budget deficit really. Thank goodness for a calculator on my phone.

  6. 6

    “iPhone porn. Can’t beat it!”

  7. 7
    One Careful Owner until he met Gordon says:

    Tory Bear Phoning to see if the VW Golf is still for sale.


    • 55
      • 144
        Jonah's Car Crash Campaign says:

        Turns out the driver was a Labour supporter, so that’s twice in one week that they have been sidetracked by their “supporters”. What will event number 3 be?

        • 168
          Geordie Scoot says:

          Reminds me of Caucesceau’s speech to the faithful just before Christmas 1989 or 1990 – I believe they shot him shortly after.

          • sinosimon says:

            we will know that is on the cards if labour announce plans for a grand rally after which the dear leader will be extracted by helicopter……its the right thing to do…….in fact the macabre thing is BOTH the former leaders bear a striking resemblance to their nu-labour counterparts……….as they will look in say 15 – 20 years time…..( shown in the images here )………….so given gordy’s known nocturnal lifestyle, and undead appearance the question has to be asked……was the execution the end for the transylvanian duo…or did they arise from the grave and rejuvenate(only slightly in gordy’s case obviously) and find a new band of peasants to fed on?…………….mwahhaahhhaaahaaahhaaaa!

  8. 8
    C M Carter says:

    It’s not the iphone he’s struggling with, it’s his thumbs he’s not used to.

  9. 9
    gone fuckin mental says:

    ” so its true Cooper is a man and i have the evidence”

  10. 10
    Inspector HoonClouseau says:

    Who de man?

    Car crash photo?

    Michelin Man Milliblink.

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Music for the lymph nodes makes tie droopy

  12. 12
    Call Me Dave says:

    Proof that Too many Twits do make a Twat.

  13. 15
    serving raf officer says:

    Another public paid waste of skin to give our lives for. Tum ti tum…

  14. 16

    Does my tongue look big in this?

  15. 17
    minge says:

    Tweeter wears Twat on head.

  16. 18
    gone fuckin mental says:

    “wheres the barbers ?”

  17. 19
    Bob says:

    Where is Emily ?!

  18. 21
    Steve Expat says:

    I’ll get to the snot if I do something else at the same time…

  19. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Now where is the nearest barbers…

  20. 23
    Did I Win? says:

    Peppa-the-Pig learns to tie a double windsor knot but hasn’t quite figured out how to use a BlackBerry yet?

    • 79
      No says:

      It’s clearly not a (double) windsor as one can see from the non-triangular shape and non-symmetricality. It’s most probably a half-windsor.

      Jesus Christ Nu Labour have really let tie knot education standards drop in the last 13 years…

  21. 24
    Jack says:

    And what about all that inside info from the Spin Room Guido ?

  22. 25

    “Right then, camera on in high def mode, shutter noise off, check.”

    Now to ‘upskirt’ Kuensberg.

  23. 26
    bunnco says:

    Nope or Dope? You Decide!

  24. 27
    gone fuckin mental says:

    “How many more years do i have left at guy news”

  25. 30
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Now, what comes after “C”?

  26. 31

    Since taking up the office job, Wolverine had really let himself go.

  27. 32

    What’s Toadfish from Neighbours doing on the campaign trail?



  28. 33
    gone fuckin mental says:

    ” this picture would look great on my id card”

  29. 34
    MI5 says:



    • 164
      the sheep will vote for the wolfs says:

      Same as the Tories and Dave the communist who will destroy the middleclasses with the aid of the EU.

      remember the EU, that fascist organisation that Tory boy Heath got rolling for us knowing it was a conspiracy to destroy Britain and democracy!

      • 209
        UKIP Until We're Free says:

        Heath should be dug up and ceremonially hung as a traitor. We’d have no problem assembling a mass turnout of choirboys for the event – quite fitting, some would say.

  30. 35
    Nick B says:

    Having stolen Mandelson’s remote PM control, Tory Bear has the power to make Gordon laugh or curse at the touch of a button.

  31. 36
    jgm2 says:

    Tory Bear spots the hidden camera and covers his cold sore up just in time.

  32. 37
    The IMF is coming says:

    Gordon Brown lookalike contestant does last minute revision of tractor stats

  33. 38
    Anonymous says:

    TB, dear, you put those two things that look like big chocolate marshmallows over your ears, love mummy

  34. 39
    jgm2 says:

    Tory Bear texts the first photo from the hanging of Gordon Brown.

  35. 41
    Catosays says:

    ‘Kerry, I’m good at licking envelopes..need any help?’

  36. 42
    Backwoodsman says:

    “Dear Electoral Commisioner, I am forwarding the enclosed tweet from a K. McCarthy, which I believe is a serious breach of the law.” Yrs TB

  37. 43
    jgm2 says:

    Tory Bears models the new ‘Pie-Master’ range of chin massagers.

  38. 44
    someone who went to school in the 80's says:

    “joe -eeey!”

  39. 45

    Mandelson was cruising on Gaydar and found the only Bear in the room.

    • 87
      PD77 says:

      I remember an episode of Top Gear where that Lie-bore luvvie Stephen Fry was a fan of an I-Phone App called “Grinder” works just like Gaydar but without the guesswork plus it works anywhere in the country.

      • 96
        The Morris Marina a nasty log laid by British Leyland says:

        Yes and notice that there were no “complaints” to the BBC (well officially). I just wonder if a male straight celeb had gone on there with an app to find female prozzies if the BBC would have slapped Clarkson down?

        The BBC “Shit stabbers are fine with us and whatever they do”

  40. 46
    A Firm PAir Of Breasts says:

    Hopefully I this time machine will work!

  41. 48
    Harriet's Gnarled Clit says:

    I’ll stitch that fucker fawkes up if it’s the last thing I do.

  42. 50
    guess who says:

    David Aaronovitch’s new toy boy practices his rimming technique.

  43. 52
    gone fuckin mental says:

    “did you here the one about me, guido and emily ?”

  44. 53
    jgm2 says:

    #text to Brown: How’s that dopey, strangey grin working out for y’all?

  45. 56

    Chris Moyles making a call to ‘comedy’ Dave Cameron.

  46. 57

    “Oh… this is an odd text from Guido. ‘I bet you can’t stick your tongue out and touch your nose.’ I’ll give it a try and see… {{++flash!!++}} What was THAT?!”

  47. 59
    gone fuckin mental says:

    ” Dave can i be your window licker?”

  48. 61

    Want to kill Gordon with a mobile triggered I.E.D? I’ve got an app for that.

  49. 63
    Cameraphone says:

    After spending 6 years without success searching for a Gordon Brown lookalike, artist Alison Jackson fianally finds her man.


    • 90
      barefootcontessa says:

      Try his brother.

      • 138
        Family of expenses cheats says:

        Under what charges? Is it the cleaning bill thing again?

      • 163
        Andrew Brown says:

        Hi Contessa

        I’m HIS brother and I’m in Paris taking orders from Electicite de Frence

        So that we can take over the UK nuclear industry

        Complete accident that I am HIS brother of course…

        • 171
          the sheep will vote for the wolfs says:

          The corporatocracy of the NWO does not exist, nothing to see, move along.

  50. 64

    Its a picture of Sue

  51. 66

    There’s even an app for ‘Gordon is moron’

  52. 67
    gone fuckin mental says:

    ” tory bear recives naked picture of justin greening”

  53. 71
    Penfold says:

    Tory Bear tries to remember the instructions to turn on his moby……

  54. 72
    Philip McArthur says:

    Just texting Broadmoor to let them know the grinning lunatic they are probably looking for is on the stage at Birmingham University.

  55. 73
    Al Megrahi,s Doctor says:

    “Ill have..er..a lamb bunah, pilau rice, kima naan. poppadoms, & an onion bahgee… 10 mins? “

  56. 76
    Nasty Bastard says:

    Chin punch

  57. 77
    Grebo says:

    This snake game is quite addictive really

  58. 78
    John Bull says:

    special needs salad dodger finds animal porn shots on guido’s blackberry

  59. 80
    twats r us says:

    Another twat twitters

  60. 81
  61. 83
    Stepney says:

    Bored with debates? Headphones not working? Try Pornography.


  62. 85
    barefootcontessa says:

    One…………two…………four, no, that’s not right, start again. One……..three…….four……..nearly got it. Oh yea, just come to me, One…two….three….four. Knew I’d get it in the end.

  63. 85
    Is the pope a Catholic? says:

    Where’s the nearest wood, Guido? I’ve gotta go!

  64. 88
    Sir William Waad says:

    It had all gone wrong for John Grimes since Jedward split.

  65. 89
    Major Bonkers says:

    [Keying into his blackberry] I am a hot blonde slut, take me hard you great black stallion.

  66. 93
    Dr Frankenstein says:

    Igor!! Increase the voltage!!!

  67. 94
    Engineer says:

    It’s from Abdul Basset Al-Megrahi.

    “Hi TB. Weather here, wish you were lovely.”

  68. 97
    Burnt to crisp says:

    Ed Balls has just been toasted at a hustings in Morley.

  69. 100
    Busted nokia says:

    Curse of Jonah: Gordon Brown’s launch of a poster interrupted by a car crash.

    See times “Labour follows debate failure with car crash event”

  70. 101
    Right Bastard says:

    “Somehow, Gordon’s truss has ended up round my neck.”

  71. 102
    RatCatcher says:

    James! Stop calling me about Kerry’s sex life!

  72. 105
    Bobby says:

    TB, licking his lips, : I’ve just stuffed hoodie Whelan again…

  73. 106
    I K H L F says:

    lip smacking, fast texting, suit ill-fitting, tie akimbo, eyes bulging, not listening, spin doctor ignoring, blackberry using, ever twittering, hair fizzing, Tory Bear

  74. 109

    Was this picture take a split second before the air-bags on Harry’s PoliticsHome.com pro dashboard went off?

  75. 111

    How do you spell ‘gastric bypass’?

    (sorry bear)

  76. 113
    the real lolol not the one who's using my moniker says:

    Thought Guido used the friday picture to ridicule people,so what wrong has Tory Bear done to you.

  77. 114
    Don't forget to vote Labour Gran! ...you big0t says:

    paulwaugh —-on Blairs return

    Cameron on Blair:

    “Great to have him back in the country. He’s one of few people who can afford another Labour govt.”

  78. 116
    Kim Jong says:

    Brown just had a 10 year old ask him about the post code lottery for prescription drugs

  79. 117
    Kim Jong says:

    Sky freeview news just had a weak or no signal during Dave’s rant about Brown taking the public for fools, lucky there’s this eh?

  80. 121
    barrackroomlawyer says:

    To edit (even spelling mistakes) or removing another’s posts (no matter how unlawful) means you risk losing the laws protection ….

  81. 124
    Gobshite says:

    “You are a much better shag than my husband, Mr. Telegraph journalist.”

  82. 126
    bandersnatch says:

    My PC is sick and in dock. I’m on my better half’s machine in the sitting room and I haven’t got a Friday picture to caption :-( There is just a blank space… Boo hoo

    • 131
      Granny Power says:

      get flash sado

      • 172
        random says:

        this site has 16 scripts running in the background, many related to the ad’s and google. Block ‘em. Then use no script to allow to allow the java / flash scripts you need (ie youtube). The rest are just spying on ya!!

    • 136
      bandersnatch says:

      Here comes the pic… What a slow machine!

      Tory Bear (or whoever) sniggers:

      ‘If I jiggle this knob I can make Hattie Harperson’s tits wobble.’

  83. 127
    Car crash Gordon says:

    Photo of Blair in the Times now





  84. 128
    Zen says:

    Guido you are twat, twat, twat of twatter world.

  85. 129
    Granny Power says:

    Brown getting attacked by grannies left right and centre

  86. 134
    I K H L F says:

    Retweet.. Eng Dems xxx; Greens xxx; UKIP xxx; TUSC xxx; BNP xxx; Lib Dem xxx; Tory xxx; Labour xxx, #gameON!

    Opps… delete.. cancel…

  87. 139
    Har Har says:

    serves them yanks right for laughing about our ash cloud now they have oily slicker

  88. 142
    Doctor What the f.. says:

    From BBC GE 2010

    1457 Mr Brown is asked by one pupil why he went into politics – he says he saw unemployment around him as he was growing up and wanted to do something to help. He then asks the children what subjects they like at school and what they want to do when they grow up. One says he wants to be an inventor and invent a time machine. Mr Brown says he could introduce the boy to Doctor Who – quite a claim, but then several Doctors have backed Labour’s election bid.

    Well his dream came true, Brown increased unemployment!
    Perhaps the numerous Doctor Who’s supporting him can take him back in the TARDIS and he could decide on another profession instead of politics such as a businessman, that would do something about unemployment; but no, Brown’s types always want to take the money off the businessmen and staff and want the ability to spend it a little on us but the rest on their pet social projects!!

  89. 145
    happy man says:

    Where have the Miliwank sisters got to? Haven’t heard from them for a while.

  90. 147
    Ambulance man says:


    Alky “We’ve had it” Campbell just taken to the Priory

    He’s having another nervous breakdown and was seen publicly blubbering again…

    Could not have happened to a nicer person..

  91. 148
    jgm2 says:

    OT – From BBC live feed.

    Fucking hell – Gordon is on a roll….


    Leaving a Nottinghamshire school on the Labour leader’s tour, we witness another literal rather than metaphorical car crash at a nearby roundabout, says the BBC’s Iain Watson, One of those days!

    • 149
      jgm2 says:

      Might be a good idea to ground all the planes again until after 6th May.

      • 150
        Ambulance man says:

        Lock up Jonah they cried

        Even the binmen…!!

        And even the BBC is turning its coat…

    • 156
      Florence Nightingale says:

      A labour candidate crashed into a roundabout in Kent this week also

      Labour have problems with roundabouts

      Since they think the earth is flat

      They think roundabouts are there to drive over

      Poor things..or perhaps they are just too “emotional”

      Like Prezza losing it again this morning…

      Poor things

    • 157
      Bobby says:


      Another miss

      Please be more accurate

  92. 151
    David Cameron says:

    It’s Martin Day in drag

  93. 152
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “What do you mean my hair’s unruly? I’m a BEAR for fuck’s sake”

  94. 153
    Jon Rosenberg says:

    ToryBear looks lustfully at the picture of a pot of honey that came through on his internet porn fetish bookmark.

  95. 158
    sid dayshus says:

    Fuck the funny comment, I just want to punch it!

  96. 159

    “who was prime Minister of the UK but was never elected.? Begins with G.”

    Wow, tough quiz. I know! …G..L..A…D..S..T..O.

  97. 161
    Anonymous says:

    New poll gives the tories chance of a majority according to the daily express, whilst labour slumps and the lib dems would take second in vote and seats.

    Tories 42%
    Liberal Democrats 35%
    Labour 18%

  98. 165
    Chubbarow says:

    > OK maybe you are, but you still look like one to me.
    > Cheers, Gillian Duffy (Mrs).

  99. 166
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    Gordon uses his finger but I can do it with my tongue

  100. 170
    PhaetonFlanFlinger says:

    Text: “I need a man with a tongue like a lizard and can breath through his ears. Yours Harriet xxxx”

    TB heavy breathing…

    TB: “Ok, check tongue…. ” …. oh boll*cks….

  101. 178
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    This screen is not big enough to see Sally’s complete flange.

  102. 181
    Jimmy says:

    Tory Modernisation Programme continues: #94: Opposable Thumbs.

  103. 182
    Susie says:

    Hmmm… not a bad dandruff harvest… should keep me going.

  104. 184
    Prince Rupert says:

    What has happened to the Bad Al Video, has he bullied Guido to remove it???

  105. 185
    Del says:

    Give me a pony, mummy, or I will hold my breath! I will! I will! I Will!

  106. 186
    verticalwater says:

    Brown calls Mrs. Duffy a “baguette”, pass it on. ……..wait a minute!

  107. 188
    Mohamed was a kiddy fiddler! says:

    Who is it, anyway?

  108. 189
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Fucking hell that Ed Ball’s pushed all my buttons
    with this Busters world website !

  109. 190
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    If you think this lap top decoration is childish
    you should see my school books !

  110. 191
    Jolly Todger says:


    • 194
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      MUUUUUM !

      • 196
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Evening Frankie! We have had some TaTs today on this morning’s page but they don’t work after lunch, despite putting in overtime claims to Victoria Street.

  111. 192
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Harry Botter?

  112. 193
    TB's unsent text says:

    “Guido, I have embarrassing photos of you so don’t
    you dare photo caption me.”

  113. 195
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    This Photo has definitley Not been “HairBrushed “!

  114. 197
    The Beast of the west says:

    The hair to scare

  115. 199
    Lincolnshire Squire says:

    Fuck me. Ties like that are back in fashion? Better go and rescue them from the bondage drawer.

  116. 202
    Pamplemousse says:

    The lovechild of Orson Welles puts the finishing touchs to his greatest tweet yet…

  117. 203
    jimbob says:

    Gordons ‘special’ advisor.

  118. 204
    The unvarnished struth says:

    Weak, Guido. On the final Friday before the GE, I expected to be ripping into a pic of pasty, unshaven McDoom as he mumbled through the debate, not one of your pasty fat media pals. But it’s your website.

  119. 215





  120. 217
    Barnabas Scudamore says:

    “window licker ” ?

    That’s a bit harsh.

  121. 218
    Archie Wedderspoon says:

    Who is this bastard? Why isn’t he under lock and key?

  122. 219
    Anonymous says:

    Yeah, who is he? I don’t get it …

  123. 220
    Diablo says:

    Damn predictive text! Every time I try to type Nick, I get Gordon!

  124. 221
    easyleys says:

    Only another few millimetres and I’ll get that bogie out

  125. 222
    Dame Davina Pancake says:

    TB endorses the exclusive New Labour saloon “Hair by Hopeless”.

  126. 224
    Anonymous says:

    Pleeeezze someone tell me – WHO IS HE!!!
    Obviously one of Broon’s mongos but I can’t join in the fun till I have a proper name ….

  127. 226
    cynic_99@live.co.uk says:

    I love this bit where she takes her knickers off

  128. 227
    Cynic says:

    You don’t know me but I have been following you now for 8 weeks and opening your email and I think I am in love.

    Please Gordon tell me you’ll be mine!

  129. 228
    Cynic says:

    Any time he was down he watched it, again and again. Tim loved the subtle way Maggie’s breasts quivered as she announced “The Lady’s Not for Turning” ……. but still he could dream!

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Who Tells Ed When He’s Wrong? | Speccie
Hands Off Our Cojones, Mr Clegg | Laura Perrins
London Live Averaging Just 2,400 Viewers | Forbes
Ed’s Constitutional Failure | ConHome
UKIP Poster Girl’s Naked Photos | Sun
Miliband’s Radical Old Labour Agenda | Fraser Nelson
Meet Team Miliband | Dan Hodges

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Nick Clegg says:

Do you want lies with that?

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