Wipe the Smile Off Their Face
When Guido first heard “political” and “loo-roll” in the same sentence he immediately thought of Andrew Slaughter MP. On the 21st Feb 2008 Slaughter charged one pack of twenty-four Double Velvet rolls at £11.89 (+VAT) to the taxpayer. On the 14th April 2008 Slaughter charged another five packs of nine Triple Velvet rolls at £28.45 (+ VAT) to the people. In total that’s seventy-nine loo rolls in fifty-three days, or almost exactly one and half rolls a day.
But that aside Guido has been most amused with a batch of Dave and Gordon loo rolls:
You can treat yourself to the satisfaction of using a mental looking Gordon or a spliff smoking, tail-coated Dave here.
Brown by name, Brown by nature.
I’m backing Gordon.
especially after a Vindy and 10 pints of IPA….
great start to the day
its very vindy here today in amsterdam
Tories Pledge to Cut British Jobs and Infrastructure to “Save £6 Billion” — but Seek to Increase Foreign Aid(NWO bungs to corrupt third world politicians) to £13 Billion
I wouldn’t worry about it, nobody’s numbers add up.
£10 or £20 billion here or there doesn’t make a difference, really.
Wasn’t there something in the memo “Working with Liam Byrne” about when he liked to have his arse wiped?
Huntus sum
I thought Mr Robinson wiped Mr Brown’s arse
If it’s Brown, flush it down.
Unfortuantely, true to character, he would keep bobbing up like a seal pup!
Brown won’t let you down (or go down).
Harry Potter went down a toilet once to a find a snake (Mandelslug), perhaps Mc Slug would do the same in search for fame and fortune. We all know Tony would do aything for money and a legacy, he could be chief shit head.
What with? His toenails? That’s all that left sticking out!
I wouldn’t let McRuin anywhere near my arse… although I’ve heard some have.
EeeeeK — should have been “although I’ve heard some have been near his one
Gordon Brown really is desperate for any vote – including that of a Congolese rapist:
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/166150/Anger-as-rapist-avoids-deportation
<>
Of course, the ‘judge’ could simply have allowed the deportation to proceed and the deported rapist could have married the German national in Congo. But there’s an election coming up and every vote counts.
‘German national’: is that Kremlinese for non-German?
I would not want Gordon anywhere near my arse thank you.
Ooo, I don’t know, though…..
That’s a smear surely?
Wipe the ‘feces’ of their smile more like!
The lady on sky poos just said” Blair was pushing the brown package on the voters & the labour campaigners were lapping it up” eewww the dirty buggers.
Sorry Sarah — great minds think alike
He’s already been there.
I’ll take a couple of Brown Rolls, I’m feeling flush today!
I’m bored with this site now,too repetitive.
I’m bored with this site now,too repetitive.
It is probably not the site that is boring
but you – you are boring.
I’m bored with this site now, too repetitive.
How do you think i feel?? trying to do a pretend job!!
I’m bored with this site now,too repetitive.
I’m bored with this site now,too repetitive.
Simply fuckoff,problem solved!
Yeah like we did
still bored,not amused.
Makes you wonder what kind of “chump” sits on the blog complaining he’s bored doesn’t it?
I’m bored
Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
Some people just love bitching about their condition too much to be arsed to do anything about whatever it is that is pissing them off.
The ones that have never seen the inside of a polling station you mean?
and elect more of the same.soft Hunt
Guido, have you really got a picture of David Cameron smoking a spliff in a tailcoat?
Not bad but a picture of Dave injecting heroin would definitely get a syndication bidding war going.
You could probably even retire on it.
And picture of Gideon smoking crack cocaine would be worth a few quid too.
Surely some of the hookers he used to hang around with would have such a photo?
Come on ladies, think of all the dollars you could earn, you would never have to walk the streets again!
What do you expect the whole labour party are full of shit
the jocks are getting buried in snow,this time its the kind you canna snort
emergency stocks of tenents super are on the way
24 roll’s of triple velvet ! What a soft arse !
We Slaughters bruise easily.
Most MP’s suffer from Verbal Diorreha.
I hope he got the aloe vera ones otherwise he’ll have more friction burns than Mandy in Marakesh.
aloe everyone, ‘av ya seen Vera?
No, but Alky Ada is amongst us everywhere
yep and the stupid pay us to talk shite
How about some balance?Our Mark O should get a look in.
All those loo rolls, and in that photo he looks like his finger just went though one.
What the f*ck have I done now?
I’d vote for a ‘spliff smoking Dave’.
I’d probably vote for a ‘Dave smoking spliff’ as well.
He’s picking his nose.
…and look where he’s about to wipe it…
Don’ like to be picky, but he actually only used the first 24 rolls in the 53 days. You don’t know how long it took to use the next 45.
Still a bit excessive mind.
Pedantry or pederasty ? I keep getting confused
If he lives with his family do they have to use different loo rolls, not paid for by the tax payer? Technically in my book they should.
he’s got a very clean arse
I should think so, he has us in twice a week
They should do an Ed Balls one with his tongue hanging out. The ultimate Arse Licker
Suspect most people would draw the line at having Ed Balls anywhere near their arses, even only on a bog roll.
Oooh, lovely. Haven’t looked at Ed that way before……
Sure sign that he has a mistress if the sheets per hour rate goes over 10.
… and at 1.5 rolls per day that’s 18sph – one suspects he may have more than one.
Or he had the trots for 53 days
What, we wouldn’t be seen dead stopping at his socialist, state owned flat
He’s crapping his pants that his tax payer funded socialist paradise is about to end.
He’s got a very slim majority in Hammersmith, and hopefully no chance of a cushy job back in the public sector, where of course he came from before becoming an MP….
Nice idea, I do hope they come with a supply of sealable poly bags so that you can return used sheets direct to Westminster in an act of attempted enlightenment!
24 rolls per pack.; Free 30-Day Trial and Next-Day delivery
http://www.letsbuyit.co.uk/product/20533022/tissues-toilet-paper/double-velvet-toilet-tissue-24pk
Perhaps, given the amounts some of them have managed to absorb, they submitted their expense claims on toilet paper.
“Labour MP in full of shit shocker!!”
Hold the front page…
perhaps they’re just shit
Hey Guido…Bugger the poxy loo rolls!
What abot a blog on the plethora of vote catching new Labour policies,like the National Care Service?
No I weren’t in the war son but I did do my National care service.
I used to have to use the patients toothbrush to clean the bogs.
and I stirred with it after him
During my National care service I saw some sights but worse was the gas attacks.
I was walking with this old bloke and then ‘PAaaaarp’ he just blew right off.
hilarious
I used 3 kitchen rolls per dump 5 times a day before we got the jetwash fitted in the bog.
Jetwash = Nick Robinson
Nick Robinson + itchy ringpiece = Andrew Marr
Andrew Marr is an excellent skidmark remover
Gordon Brown agrees
Always thought Blair was the biggest paper chaser
In light of the recent MP’s expense clampdown is this the start of a new House of Corruption merchandising line? Are we to see
The Right Honorable Fill WoolArse Tampons:
Ultra soft and easy to string along.
Fivebellies bathplugs:
Keep your grime in check with her face pointing towards the sewer each use.
Ed Balls Poppies:
Fake, of course and hollow inside. Self-flipping.
The Kaufman rug:
Ideal for coverups.
Mock Tudor Prescott Beams:
Holds up collapsing establishments just long enough to scarper when the real trouble starts.
Shock news from the BBC:
Heather Mills is bad-tempered and rude
Ricky Martin is Gay
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/sussex/8594938.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8594121.stm
Scoops tomorrow will be:
Bears shit in the woods.
A very tall person can see more when in a crowd than a dwarf can.
Unless they’re looking for something on the floor, you heightist bastard!
Stop fidgeting shorty, you’re spilling the pint I have resting on your head.
Watch eeet!
old fart is amused by old fart telling fart joke
I think I went to his curry house last night.
Gordon Brown should change his last name to Green.
This will make people think about his enviromental crusader credentials instead of a steaming turd
I’ve ordered some, can’t wait to try it out, I’m gonna go for it. 10 pints of Guinness and a nice Phaal Curry to follow.
I’m applying for a transfer
something utterly predictable
I’ve got the Brown roll. He’s actually about to wipe a bogey down his tie – the same coloured tie he wore the day he did it for real.
Dave with a spliff! Brilliant!
WTF. Triple Velvet !
As used by northerners and Lib Dems.
Tory MP’s use Izal.
They’re fucking hard.
Us Greens don’t use toilet paper.
No gay fucking male beeboids use their tongues for free.
Really!
My catholic upbringing requires me to use sandpaper.
Opus Dai for you then my son.
Opus Dai…………..What’s that, the welsh division?
Brillo pads in Lent.
ahh zan izal. i used to trace with it.
I use a bath plug and save for our weekly out of the body experience.
Listen you southern puff
up norf we use brillo pads and sand paper
where as you limp dick faggots lick each others arses clean
One and a half rolls a day? He must have my mother-in-law staying. I think she must be burning it in her room to keep warm or something. It’s un-fucking-believable the amount of bog-roll, tissues and kitchen towel the woman gets through.
There are entire logging communities in the Yukon sending their kids through college thanks to my mother-in-law.
jgm2:
I therefore recommend for your mother in law the more prudent Brown roll.
On second thoughts forget it, your costs will double.
Mine kept me warm for about 2 hours then I had to put more coal on
Buy in that cheap shit that slides off your arse like we used to have in school, its the right thing to do.
prison paper you mean
Once i’ve laid a ‘Cable’, nothing better to get rid of the ‘Cleggs’ than using bumpaper with Brown or Camerons face on.
I propose that we name those still under the starry eyed spell of St Vince of Hindsight as “Cable-Layers”
I do enjoy watching modern fathers dropping the kids off at the pool.
LibDems the Cable Layers love it.
And like my turds the Libdems have got nuts in as well.
The ‘Cable layers’ it is then.
And just like my turds there are lots of nuts in the LibDems as well.
“Drowning puppies” in our house, with no more than 3 squares to wipe a hole smaller than a 50p piece
Seeing an old pal off to the coast!
Who wants to spunk all over the Prime Minister?
I like the cut of yer jib mate
When can we start?
Doesn’t look anything like Cameron,though! Isn’t the joke supposed to be that you are wiping your face on their image? Looks like the glasses-less son of the father and son team who valued the china on antiques roadshow.
The Cameron caricature is more like Kevin Maguire.
Oh, I don’t know . . . http://www.presentsformen.co.uk/product-PFM-Politician-Loo-Rolls-8795/
I’d rather shit on him with one X
The Gorgon shit roll is the only one that looks better after you’ve used it.
Does anyone know what a vitalograph is?
It’s a company that makes lung monitors.
FFS. GOOGLE.
Speaking of steaming T*r_ds
Expenses fiddling, dodgy nondom, pension-raiding, corrupt, lying Labour donor Rt Hon Lord “thief” Paul grabbing a salad in the Debate.
http://twitter.com/eyespymp
Love it!!
heres an idea. All of us stand for election and we all vote for each other.Its bound to fuck the election process
more fucking waste.killer doing life is getting charged with killing,he can have a few days in court now, or a lot of days,depends on how he wants to play it.
I used to tear up the Guardian for toilet paper but found there was already shite on both sides of the pages.
Great vid here:
Excellent. ROFL.
Cracking up here, quality!
its been on here most days this week, as I said before BORED
In his speech, Mr Blair said he was optimistic about Britain’s future and that “the financial crisis does not diminish this optimism (that I will remain a multi-millionaire)”.
Charlatan!!
Yes?
Can’t we hand over Bomber Blair to the Serbs for a good hanging. After a trial of course.
My kecks look like the Turin Shroud after a few lagers and a Bombay Doorsopen. The enigmatic face is uncannily like Gordon. Is this a holy miracle?
No! just simply disgusting.
Bring it over my child I am sure the Vatican can shake down a few saps for money.
Even the makers of loo rolls can’t be arsed (no pun intended) to go to the trouble of producing a Nick Clegg bog roll. Doesn’t that tell you something?
What about Hoon? Balls? Hewitt? Flint? The glamour puss, Abbott? I’d have a curry every night for the next year if it allowed me to wipe my arse on their faces.
I would adopt a beetroot and sweetcorn diet to get the very best out of my smear campaign against Gordon.
Actually, on second thoughts, he isn’t fit to wipe my arse.
Could we have a Kevan Jones version? I could hand the used tissues to him when he comes around canvassing.
Tissue is no good for mopping up spunk,the free curtains we get from john lewis are much more hygenic.
From The Green Book:
‘Claims must only be made for expenditure that it was necessary for a Member to incur to ensure that he or she could properly perform his or her parliamentary duties.’
‘Claims should be above reproach and must reflect actual usage of the resources being claimed.’
Well Andrew Slaughter did your toilet roll claims satisfy these two tests?
Its not my fault the rules were too confusing,we need clear instruction on how much bog paper we can claim, Mandy had been round that week and my chocolate starfish had taken a right pounding.
Slaughter had to write his speeches on something
I would like Hoon, Hewitt and Byers on the one roll. That would be Cheaper and kinder to the environment. I wonder if Lidels stock them?
Look!
I’ve had enough of this. It’s too silly
We need to get to the bottom of this matter
I see unlike the libdems and old holborne this site has decided not to stay on it
While driving my snow-cat I came across a car almost buried in the snow. The guy in it says his name is Purcell and that he has to get away again, whatever he means by that I don’t know as I am from Iceland. I’m not sure what I should do as I don’t want to get involved in any thing illegal, like bank fraud or something. What should I do?
I thought he was in Ireland in his staged return to Glasgow.
That wasn’t snow he was buried in.
Another file has been sent to the CPS. No information on who it is in connection with.
Fucking CPS. In my day the inspector stood in court and said my officer said this man did this and the court found him guilty.Case closed. Job done and it cost less
Don’t worry when we get back in courts will be a thing of the past
here has anyone seen my nail file ….?
These loo rolls won’t sell very well
I can’t see how you would get your arse clean wiping it with Gordon
It WOULD be the right thing to do…
That’s easy to answer. You use the Brown loo roll for the first two or three wipes then the ‘Now wash your hands’ loo roll to finish the job.
Not being a Londoner, I found my personal supply at The Present finder of Sherborne.
Just seen Woodley of UNITE on BBC News Channel
Like Brown he’s fucckked – he’s on his knees – well and truly fucckked !!
Really great to see
He’s fucckked – Brown’s fucckked – they’re both on their knees !!
Saw it
you are right
he’s begging for a resolution
Willy – put the BOOT into UNITE
Is Tony Woodentop’s colleague still in the Playskool bar in Bangkok ??
Thank you. I am pleased someone knows what it is.
Uh oh which mp has had their expense file handed to the cps ?
I am white, English and becoming fucking radicalized. Any chance of a big fucking grant Snotface
yes, here’s a cheque. Off you go and get fucked
is it cos I’s white?
It’s point less any MP’s using toilet paper
as the shit dont stick to any of them !
Lord Mandelson called ‘Mandelweasel’ by MP
http://www.onenewspage.com/news/UK/20100330/9619487/Lord-Mandelson-called-Mandelweasel-by-MP.htm
All weasels worldwide can feel just aggrieved by this insult.
andy turner hat tip
Vote Labour if you’ d like the Country to be run by Union Barons
http://tinyurl.com/yj7cokk
Has Non Dom Botox Blair come back to pay some tax ?
he looks like somebody has dragged his skin back and tied it in a fucking big knot behind his head
‘I didn’t come into politics not to take what’s owed to me’
Now that’s a loo roll I’d love tae see (and use).
I am sure a politicians or troughing sleb’s face painted on a dart board would be popular.
Grease proof paper is no good for wiping your arse with ask any school kid.
or pampers.ask Gordon
What a bowel obsessed thread. I can only assume you are all public school educated!
Tut, Tut accusations about public school boys and anal activities.
I personally went to a state school and think the loo rolls are brilliant.
So much so I went to Preposterous Presents in Upper Street (no pun intended) and bought a job lot of the Brown loo roll.
Money well spent!!!
Guess what? I found the loo rolls in the Scificollector Shop, 79 The Strand.
They have Simon Cowell and Alan Sugar loo roll as well!!
My ablutions will never bee the same again!! Oh joy.
I was at Preposterous Presents this morning, the blokes going to make a mint!
I bought a dozen to distribute in the local polling station toilets when the day is announced.
What fun. Yes I am an ex public school boy!
If only I could access the house of commons toilets!
They are actually worth the money, 300 printed sheets of 2 ply tissue.
These crazy guys also do a Simon Cowell, Alan Sugar and St Georges Cross loo roll.
They also do one with NOW WASH YOUR HANDS written on it. Ideal for a politician!!!!
They wash their hands of everything!! Very apt.
Here’s a nice big dump of a question. Why did the IRA never target the BBC?
They did: a stolen black cab was parked outside the main entrance and blew up causing extensive damage and a couple of injuries. Can’t remember the year but certainly within the last 10 years.
4th of March 2001
fucking bomb was too small !
Who was the cab?
Three years ago the HMS Great Britain was sailing along fine
then a mutiny by the crew saw the captain stabbed in the back and pushed into walking the plank
now with the ship severly holed and listing
all the treasure thrown overboard just so they can stay afloat
several failed mutinies lated
they realise that second in command
Poopdecker McBust with his gay lover Rear Admiral Peter HandlesBum are totally fucking clueless
and
are steering the stricken vessel straight towards the rocks
so in a last ditch attempt to stay afloat they call on the captain to save them all But at what price ?
Who in their right mind gives a stuff about saving the Labour party? They are an enourmous pile of Turd.
The 31% of retards that still support the thieving fuckers !
Mandelson must have phoned him and said “Tony it’s Peter Lord of the Rings here
i was looking through some old paperwork and i came across the copies of your receipts for all your expenses i just happened to mention it to the daily telegraph and they said they would be really interested in looking at them so i told them that as the labour party would most likely be out of office in a month or so that we would have no further use for them but in the unlikely event we might win then i would keep them in the interest of the party of course” !
Wet & waiting for the punch line.
what odds would i get on McBust retiring due to mental stress and Blair taking charge of the labour party just to get them through the election ?
BBC 5 live this morning had a debate with a room full of voters i think in reading
discussing the preformance of the chancellors totally unbias apart from the fact they just happened to have Labourhome’s Jag Singh there to tip the balance
Shut the fucking BBC down NOW !
Not funny.
Doesn’t anyone respect our leaders?
Obviously not if there is a company making a living out of political toilet rolls!
[...] Meanwhile Guido (http://order-order.com/) has identified this rather useful addition to your bathroom: http://order-order.com/2010/03/30/wipe-the-smile-of-their-face/ [...]
I live in Hammersmith & Fulham – the constituency Slaughter will be trying to secure in the election — he already has a poster in the window of his office in Greyhound Road Hammersmith – “Andy Slaughter MP” suggesting that he already holds this office which is misleading and should be referred to the Speakers Office. The prat hasnt got a chance of winning…..
Presumably these toilet rolls are aimed at the floating voter. (Have we already had that one?)
That’s a smear!!
Well it is now, I’ve just used my first four sheets of Brown loo roll.
A joyous occasion.