Friday Caption Competition (Jonah Dubai Edition)
How Mervyn King Lost Bank Battle War | WSJ
BBC Corporation Tax Horror Story | IEA
Sally Bercow Judgement in Full | Mr Justice Tugendhat
Commies Blame Capitalism For Terror Attack | The Commentator
Lord Black v Press Regulation | Guardian
Osborne’s Complacency | FT
DWP’s Welfare Failings | Isabel Hardman
Get Used to Coalitions | David Aaronovitch
Woolwich a Showcase in the Banality of Evil | Fraser Nelson
The Enemy Within | Max Hastings
Muslim Led Military-Style Free School Needed | Toby Young
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Ed Balls stretches credulity by claiming he isn’t ambitious…
“I would love to be part of Ed’s Labour government but what I do next for me is not an all-consuming passion. I’m more bothered, in a personal sense, about getting to grade 8 piano by the time I’m 50.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Can I have my Hand back Mister Brown
Why? Have you been shoplifting?
Financial misconduct = Conservatives
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
This is just so original. Well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.
I’d only read it about a thousand times on every newspaper today.
I’m aware of where it comes from.
I just don’t see what you parrotting it after a thousand other people have done on this Dubai story adds to the debate.
Other than to prove you’re a muppet of course.
what a load of crap
No but they have comment sections where 1000 people of a sharper wit than you have posted this before you.
I won’t take lessons in house-building from an arsehole who failed to fix his roof when the sun was shining.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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Faound On Merlins* Wall
WOT DID NIMROD SAY TWO ABRAKADABRAHAM
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WURSHIP THAT WYTCH PROTEQKTS YU MEN FROM THE WIND
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ASTA
“Lord Ahmed, how was prison?”
Ahmed to that.
Sarah’s Winter Make-over Brings Out Gordon’s Smile.Yes ,they’re sleeping together again.
Welcome to Britain Sheik Maktoum. Oh, and consider yourself fucked by the Hand of Gord!
Dubai’s in deep shit then.
Any tips on the 3.05 at Lingfield Park
Lord Pearson new UKIP leader
Result, Gerry Batten- 2571, Mike Natrass- 1092, Lord Pearson – 4743, Nikki sinclair 1217,
I saw that Tory, Archer in there.
So 51% of UKIP postal voters didn’t want Pearson then?
Master Baiter/The Inquisition/Bananaman = Pathological Denial
Master Baiter = MB = McBride
He’s right, it doesn’t matter where it started.
What matters is that Gordon has left us up shit creek without a paddle, and whilst others are swimming away we are stuck in the shit.
He will find out how the electorate view his sterling failures in 2010, because of course he didn’t have the bottle to find out until then – if he’d called the election when he first got selected by the Labour Party to be PM he might have won.
What a tool. Just like selling our gold for 1/6th of its current value, every decision he makes is the diametric opposite of SOUND.
What matters more is how you deal with the situation once it has started, and how you prepare in case it starts.
Gordon has failed abysmally on both counts.
I can’t wait to see him humiliated in 2010.
You are SOOOOO boringly predictable (and factually incorrect)
Baiter, please stop, You are embarrassing the party and with Gordon in charge we can’t take any more.
No Matter how often you post the message from your Borg controllers.
It simply won’t work on here.
All that will happen is that you will eventually come to actually believe it yourself.
Which will then need expensive therapy.
JG Broon: (For ’tis he) Well that’s you fucked sunshine!!
Mustafa: You too. That’s my dick you’ve got hold of and I have the clap.
Arab sheikhs off the drip.
Shelley had it right
… “Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair !” /
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay /
of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare /
the lone and level sands stretch far away
Yep. Applies equally to both of ‘em.
Congrats on your win JGM2
“Are you having Allahaf?”
Doh! Beat me to it – but was just inspired:
“GET THOSE ARSES OUT OF MY FACE!”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/conservatives/4134033094/
Leader of the Conservative Party David Cameron meets His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Ruler of Dubai and Vice President of the UAE in his office in Westminster, London, Monday November 23, 2009.
I smell rats
Great big desert rats, in fact.
It’s all a wee bit dubaious.
Announced when New York shut for Thanksgiving, Moslemia shut down for Eid al Whatever and LSE has a couple of hours of no-trading due to a ‘technical glitch.’
Can’t blame ‘em though.
The stakes are high.
And so am I.
Cameron Wuz here first,the curse preceded me!
After you upgrade the WC and the kitchen, I think you’ll like it.
“Haven’t got a wee camel for me to ride?”
“No, but I can let you have as much camel wee as you want!”
Shouldn’t you be on The Hajj? I hear that the “camel piss cure for everything” has been watered down this year, what with the rain & that.
David Cameron Met the sheik on Monday.Rats Galore.A loser meets another loser.
(Both men simultaneously:) “Any chance of a loan?”
Dubai is a sandy empire built on borrowing. It is environmentally unsafe and it is good to hear of its failure. The tasteless hotels and apartments catered for the rich of this world who have little compassion for the poor. So good riddance I say. Gordon distance yourself from the ruler of this failed state.
Gordon I wish I had your charisma and your wife.
Gordon Brown shakes hands on the deal that he hopes will give him & his friends unlimited access to small Arab boys.
Brown: “Need a mass-murdering terrorist released from jail? I’m your man.”
deal! we lend you 100 billion of taxpayers cash,
Brown: The UK shares much with Dubai, an unelected ruler, banks that are going bust, etc.
OT,
Strange, because I though that Scroteland didn’t take a copy and the UKBA didn’t find anything other than her ordinary passport with expired work visa.
Baroness Scotland’s ex-cleaner is charged by police
Loloahi Tapui
Otolose Loloahi Tapui once worked as a cleaner for Baroness Scotland
A former cleaner for Attorney General Baroness Scotland has been charged over immigration offences.
Otolose Loloahi Tapui has been charged with possession of a false identity document, fraud by false representation and overstaying leave to remain.
Good job that B. S. broke NO rules at all!
An economy built on (quick)sand. But which economy does that describe? lol.
“You want a postcard, Johnny? A girl? My sister, she very clean. No? A boy, perhaps? I do you very nice price!”
“No thank you, Mr Brown. In Dubai these things are not permitted”
NICE ONE
Splendid!
“In Dubai these things are not permitted”
Pull the other one.
I know, I know… just for the craic…
Jonahs jinx is now more serious than any Iraq investigation/MP’#s corruption/Banking scandals. Come on, I mean with this on Monday and Dubai soon after there’s much more than mere coincidence now.
Careful – you might get labelled a ‘conspiracy kook’ ;O)
Even my wildest conspiracy theories cannot match what is actually going on these days!
We need ANOTHER public enquiry – perhaps we could get a BOGOFF with the QE2 Centre and have it running simultaneously next to the Iraq Enquiry,then the witnesses could just flit between each room.
Ha ha ha ha. This dumb fucker’s economy is absolutely shafted after a decade of property speculation. We’ll be able to buy all their assets for fuck all.
Which one is saying this?
Errrrrrr, that’s the point.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Politics/CBI-Conference-IMF-Backs-Gordon-Brown-Brown-On-Fiscal-Stimulus/Article/200911415463304?f=rss
That was Monday’s news.
Today’s news…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1231282/Recession-worse-feared-Chancellor-predicts-steepest-slump-ever.html
IT’S FUCKED. Fucked by spendaholic Labour imbeciles.
Brown, Darling, the treasury. They’re lying. They were lying in 2003 when they justified borrowing 27bn that year, they were lying in 2004 when they justified borrowing 38bn…..not once did they come in under their budgetted borrowing.
In 2007 it was ‘what recession?’ In 2008 it was ‘we’re uniquely [well?] positioned’ In 2009 it was ‘we’re leading the world out of recession..’
And here we are Q4 2009 – first into recession and last out. A deeper recession than the great depression and Brown and Darling are still giving it…. ‘if we just keep borrowing more money….’
THEY’RE LYING. They’re always lying.
They lied about a PR referendum. They lied about a Lisbon referendum they’re lying about just how badly fucked the situation is just so they can creep over the election finish line and dump the whole shit-pot in some other poor bastards lap and then jeer from the sidelines.
They (Labour) are the economic and political equivilent of teenagers who set fire to a house, phone the fire brigade and then chuck rocks and shoot at the firemen with air-rifles when they show up.
We are going to have to knock down all those schools and hospitals build in the brown boom as won’t be able to maintain them
what a mctwat running a massive deficit for the last 9 years on the back of banker bonus tax receipts
and we the tax payer own 55% of the Dubai debt mountain that is housing mctwats celebrity friends on palm island!
‘They (Labour) are the economic and political equivilent of teenagers who set fire to a house, phone the fire brigade and then chuck rocks and shoot at the firemen with air-rifles when they show up.’
You got this from a Biffa Bacon cartoon which appeared in Viz, circa 1991.
the statue woman
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MAYDAY
MAYDAY,
AOUWER SHIP IS GOING DAOUWN,
THE KAPTINS* NAME IS DGJONAH,
AND THE KAPTIN IS A KLAOUWN
MAYDAY, MAYDAY,
AOUWER SHIP IS GOING DAOUWN,
SAVE AOUWER SOLES
PLEASE DON*T LET US DRAOUWN
*
ASTA
Jonah: We can do business… there’s a lot of surplus water in Cumbria, swopsy for oil?
‘It’s oil gone, sorry.’ said the Sheik
Boom boooom.
Sheikh shakes jock pox
“I give you £50 for the paintings”
“Done”
Welcome to the bankrupt club!
Sheikh: Ha, that’s the hand I use to wipe my arse.
Jonah: Ha, that’s nothing, that’s the hand I use to sign off Labour economic policy.
lol
http://www.w4mp.org/html/personnel/jobs/disp_job.asp?ref=22610
“Media Monitoring Officer for Labour Party” job advert.
Let’s all apply.
Labour Party
salary £30k, Fixed Term Contract To May 6 2009
The Labour Party is seeking to recruit a Media Monitoring Officer (code:Master Baiter)to work as part of our Press and Broadcasting team. The successful candidate will monitor all required television, radio, new media and print media outlets as required, and identify newsworthy stories providing reports and transcripts as required to a variety of key stakeholders. You must sit at a computer all day making inane comments to try and subvert the thoughts of normal people, although this can be fruitless sometimes.
You must have:
No need for an excellent knowledge of British party politics and current affairs,
A background in journalism or politics is not necessary
Excellent understanding of print, broadcast and new media is pointless.
The ability to work to tight deadlines in a highly pressurised environment, and be bollocked often.
A full job description can be found on the Labour Party’s website at http://www.labour.org.uk/new_job
closes 5pm Thursday 3rd December 2009
You forgot two person attibutes –
A strong stomach
No conscience.
Successful candidate will have access to Labour’s limitless supply of moral turpitude.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Politics/CBI-Conference-IMF-Backs-Gordon-Brown-Brown-On-Fiscal-Stimulus/Article/200911415463304?f=rss
.
…and quick on your feet to avoid flying objects.
Old Holborn starts work as a Labour Media Monitoring Officer
Done.
“Hi, I’m writing in response to your ad for a media monitoring officer.
I’ve been monitoring the media, both mainstream and liberated, for some time now, and I have discovered anyone who isn’t sucking on the public tit in one way or another despises labour and everything it stands for.
Enjoy your wilderness years,
Frank”
They have a guaranteed interview policy for folk with certain disabilities that meet the ‘minimum criteria’. Surely the best way to fuck up their operation is to send in a whole load of bogus CVs with the necessary qualifications to meet the ‘minimum criteria’ plus claiming to have the ‘qualifying’ disability to be guaranteed an interview.
They daren’t refuse any because for all they know this could be a put-up job by Tory HQ/B&P HQ/some disabilities quango and there might actually be a genuine, suitably qualified candidate in amongst all the chaff.
Could probably tie the fuckers down for months with enough bogus CVs.
There you go Tories, B&P, Liberals, UKIP. Knock yourselves out.
I’ve just applied as a Nigerian Muslim disabled homosexual refugee.
I’ll print the response on my blog
No one will read them.
I’ll apply as a transvestite! Funny because it’s true!!
Just asked my friendly chop shop tenants to write requesting an application form in Bangladeshi – this could be good, like sending ‘donations’ of bricks to the LACS on a payment on receipt basis.
That advertisement means that Master Baiter is going to get the sack!
Self abuse, always.
“You have the perfect beard for camel racing”
“So do you Mr Brown”
You do know that you’re now fucked, Your Excellency?
“I’m looking for extra money to bail out a liitle bunch of offshore islands that hit financial trouble”
“Funny, I was going to say the same thing!”
Do-buy some of our debt won’t you?
Q. Baksheesh, effendi ?
A. Sorry, we don’t work that way here in Dubai.
“You look taller in the flesh, Mrs Boyle.”
Brilliant.
We have a winner
perfect
Rumbled!
Damn!
“Ach, Allah be cursed; infidel wipes arse with both hands”
“Ah, but only one is mine”
It would be several days before the sheikh was satisfied that he had removed all of the bogies from his right hand.
That’s a nice beard Sheikh, I’ll introduce you to mine after the photos.
The Scot that likes Snot loses his hanky so wipes his hand on a nearby oily rag.
we’re always happy to offer refuge to deposed leaders gordon, but we’re afraid you might lower the tone
‘Freaks and Horrors’: Madame Tussauds unveil their latest two dummys.
Sheikh Mo to Jonah – “Anything you can do, we can do better!”
Sheikh Mo “If you’re so good at saving the world, please can I borrow a few Dirhams?”
Gordon: “Can I have some of that gold on your dishdasha, I sold all ours for fuck all?”
Sheikh Mo “At least we built more than a big welfare bill during our boom”
Gordon “That agal (rope around headscarf), is it as good as piano wire for hanging oneself?”
never forget what brown did to our birthright, fought for over centuries, selling the nation’s gold to pay benefits to labour voters, fund wars and pay for unlimited immigration:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article1654931.ece
I should add the article is from 2007, with gold over $1100/ oz today the figures will be worse still.
Brown: “So you built your dazzling economy on sand. Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything quite so solid here.”
Maktoum meets McDoom
The hand of Jonah
Dubai or not tobuy that is the question.
I thought Peter Sutcliffe was banged up
Random brooks telephone supreme capstan roof podzolic erudite toothbrush elegy.
(Let’s face it the above has got fuck all to do with the image, which judging by yesterdays limerick result, means this has got to be in with a really terrific chance of winning).
Bitterness – Brown’s cancer
…& can I end our meeting by wishing you all the luck with your wonderful development of Dubai. I am sure that it will be a great success!
So that’s what Peter meant when he told me to get a beard all those years ago.
Aye! – an wae hav’ sand in Twatlan’ tae ye ken, –
An oyle!
We di’nae need ye, but ye can hae’ oor gold!
Mind ye, – it’ll be cheap!
One of these men is a Hunt.
One of these men is the absolute ruler of a state in desperate financial turmoil One of these men does not owe his position as ruler, to a vote by the people of theirr nation. One these parastites is a grasping, corrupt, theiving shyster who’s financial prudence has led to the longest recession in thier nations history. One of these men does not govern for the benefit of the people of his nation, rather he safeguards the prosperity and lust for power of a small elite.
The other is Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum
Damn your infernal automatic meddling! I did not type the word hoon, i typed the word cnut…only spelled differently!
Try “c*unt” – it usually works for me.
So, since you have all that money from me buying your gold, can I interest you in a retirement property?
one of them has a beard
sorry @40 there first
I have all your country’s gold reserves Mr Brown. Picked them up at a firesale a few years ago. Thank you for making me an extremely rich man.
Gordon to Sheikh
I would like to get into your thriving buy to let scheme
It looks like a real winner
Brown;
“I AM sorry your highness,we got rid of our last horse – I sent her to the EU to be High Priestess”.
You do torture?
We do torture too. Miliband does our torture, maybe he should hook up with your guy to discuss torture methods.
Currently we are achieving very high levels of information retrieval success by attaching electrodes to the enemies’ testicles. And the mutiliation of their genitals also yields very good results, they will say whatever we want them to.
I am utterly convinced that only by torturing Afghans and occupying their country can we keep Britain’s streets safe from terrorists.
Torturing Afghans and bombing Afghan weddings is the right thing to do.
I am getting on with the job of torturing Afghans.
Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle, Australia, was asked
on a local live radio talk show just what he thought about the allegations of
torture of suspected terrorists.
His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause
from the audience.
HIS STATEMENT:
‘If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner’s testicles to a power supply to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one
Australian life, then I have only three things
to say:
‘Red is positive,
Black is negative, and
Make sure his nuts
are wet.’
Good story, but not true unfortunately.
sheikh my hand and then give me my watch back
sheiking thievens
Brown: “No democracy, No management skills. The cost of running this mega foolish mirage has run into billions”.
Al Maktoum: “That’s your job.”
Sorry to be ot but the Jonah looks to be trying to make a new friend and probably get some economic advice.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1231384/Brown-extends-olive-branch-Mugabe-plans-readmit-Zimbabwe-Commonwealth.html
So that’s the two totty airline hostesses fucked – in the worst possible way.
Rag head meets dick head
Racist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What bastard put drawing pins on our chairs?
The inaugural meeting of Westminster’s Gamblers Anonymous
camel jockey meets nob jockey
Not a very Beau Geste (hat tip Private Eye of course)
His Highness (thinks) ;
“mmm – they told me he uses that hand to wipe his arse,or was it to pick his nose?
BREAKING NEWS
Gordon Brown pledges to update the British Monarchy following a private meeting with the new Royal Defender of the Faith.
Very good
Phew, That’s got rid of the bogey. Saves having to eat it eh?
Israel’s secret weapon initiates the downfall of the entire Arab race.
Sheikh ‘n vacuous
LMAO – even better than the Susan Boyle one above
Like this one
Simple
Sheikh’n knots turd?
sheikh’n knots turd?
Come on then, which one of use martyrs himself first?
I do not understand Mr Brown how you let anybody and everybody twitter your wife. In my country we would stone her to death for that.
not so good.
You’re right. Not so good, just fucking brilliant.
I am top boy, I am always right.
who brought this silly fucking slag with them?
Mo: “There’s being fucked, and there’s being FUCKED!”
Mo: “Thank God I don’t have to face an election next year!”
Gordon and Mo shake on Britian’s latest overseas investment opportunity
Gordon: “I’ve got this superb sand here, if you would be interested in buying it?”
When Brown met the Sheik he would say,
“I’ve lost track of the time, by the way.
I feel such a prick
Writing this Limerick,
‘Cos the contest was closed yesterday”.
Very good very good
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW THAT THE PANTOMIME SEASON IS APPROACHING, THE THEATRE ROYAL IS PLEASED AND PROUD TO PRESENT TO YOU THIS YEAR’S WIDOW TWANKY AND HER UNDERSTUDY.
*
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THIS YEARS*
KNOT THIS YEAR’S SUKKER
PRYDE PREESEEDS THE FAWL
THE QWEEN IS DUING FRYNDGJE PANTO THIS YEAR SUKKER
FOUR THE WRUOYL FAMILY IN KILLIEKRANQKEY
THE QWEEN IS THIS YEARS* OUIYYDDOUGH BANKY
THE QWEENS* UNDERSTUDAEIS OUIDDOUGH HANKYPANKY
*
ASTA
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GHEEDOUGH
PUT THIS INTU YORE CHAPATI AND SMOKE IT FOUR THE TIME BEING
THE QWEENS* UDDER BUDDY IS
OUIYYDDOUGH HANKYPANGQUAYBERNANKEYBANKEY
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ASTA
The left one is for wiping and the right one is for shaking hands. No the left… er… shit, anyone got a spare Koran?
So you are left with Dubai owing $80 billion? You make it look far too easy.
That’s not my hand you are shaking Mr Brown.
O/T but in the same area;
“Gordon Brown, the British Prime Minister, said the world economy was now strong enough to cope with Dubai’s debt problems.”
Bit like an axe murderer appearing in a TV ad for aforesaid axe.
And I insist on the world adopting the Tobin tax and Co2 tax, tax on tax, internet tax, tax on breathing……..
Follow my advice and you could soon have an economy as strong as Britain’s.
Its a deal then Baroness Uddin gets the fire place.
Sorry, I thought you said ‘Do you buy in Debt’
Good Mr Brown, we have a deal, the 2012 Olympics will now be held in Dubai. I will, of course, make sure that nothing regarding the decision can be traced back to you.
One man got into debt by trying to help his country into the 21st century,the other man pissed money all over the place just to upset the opposition party.
Shaky: “We have sport, here, which your Exalted One, Mr Peter Mandelson, found very much to his liking, perhaps, you would also like it.
It is called “serf (sic) riding.”
Geoffrey Robinson has lent me the deposit.
If I buy the whole UK island, I only want the Scottish bit and Peter wants the rump
It started in the Middle East
You have a deal Mr. Brown – we sell you Dubai’s entire oil reserves for US$80 billion
Gulf States Embrace Same Sex Marriage
Jeremy Beadle – The Unseen Tapes.
Ar’ spak’ as ar find –
No frills on mae – ‘cept in ma hair when Mandy comes –
YOUR STATE is as useless as ma’aen economy ‘n tha’ NHS
PM meets Tories’ new owner to discuss funding reforms.
Sheikh Buys Scotland
Gordon Brown: “Ooh, I do like a man in drag!”
Brown ‘When you establish a new caliphate of Eurabia I want to be the caliphe”
Raghead ‘Piss off bumboy’
Sheikh “Dubai fucked, Britain fucked”
Brown “Bingo!!”
“You have a fine beard.”
“Thank you.”
lol!
Good morning Mr Blair, how is your wife Sharia?
give me oil i give you jihadist sponge wars. Nice.
Brown: What ya gotta ask yourself, Emir, is “Do I feel lucky?”
Sheik, your hand.
Spoof!
Isn’t it!
Hahahaha!
Baita!
Your job is under review because you’re so shit at it. Re-apply if you have to at
http://www.w4mp.org/html/personnel/jobs/disp_job.asp?ref=22610
You see – I did not have sex with that woman!
“Gordon Brown says world economy (British taxpayer) strong enough to cope with Dubai debt problems”
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/6669430/Gordon-Brown-says-world-economy-strong-enough-to-cope-with-Dubai-debt-problems.html
What do Gordon Brown and Mark Oaten have in common? Whenever they see a pile of shit they just have to go and stick their nose in it.
A horse a horse, my kingdom for a horse!
Camel, surely?
The one on the left has definitely got the hump.
Do you need a hand with a government loan.
I have a country full of suckers who don’t their arse from their elbow, so we’ll pass it off as prudence
Dhimmi meets dummy.
Brown seals the deal to buy 200 tonnes of Dubai gold.
Canny Gordon Brown invests £50 billion of taxpayers money in thriving Dubai property market.
Phwoar, sexy outfit Sarah!
OT
24 Hours to save the NHS (managers)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6661925/Hundreds-of-patients-died-needlessly-at-NHS-hospital-due-to-appalling-care.html
So that’s where all the borrowed cash went.
Gordon drops another googly, the seven pillars of Wisden.
Brown : your dress smells of cum
Sheik : inshallah
Arab: “In my country they cut off the hands of thieving bastards. How come you have still got yours.”
I wonder if Gordon will threaten to use the Terrorism Act like he did with Iceland ???
Meritocracy: We disprove it thus.
Brown denies rumours that he is to star in re-make of Lawrence of Arabia following meeting with Omar Sharif Junior
Stone me.
The Sheik is used to touching crap with his arse wiping hand.
From one kind of brown to another.
My dear Shiekh – I do hope you haven’t lost your ability to erect a tent and water a camel.
I like a man with a strong handsheikh
It’s been a pleasure doing business with you Mr Brown. I’ll arrange for the oriental eunuchs, skilled in the arts of bathing, dressing and other functions to be flown immediately to the Cap Cod address you requested.
Gent on Left – “Bloody hell!, what was that going past?”
Shyster on right – “nothing much, just all your gold being ‘borrowed’ by Alistar”
Gordon strikes deal on Houses of Parliament window cleaning contract with Sheik A’Shami.
Here’s a little ‘present’ Mr Brown – a modest gold bar. Remember, don’t flog it, it’s an investment.
In Dubai the right hand is used for wiping ones bum, so of course they are both passing on shit to one another…
I understand that fourteen of the nineteen terrorists who attacked America and flew planes into the Twin towers were from your country.
Stick a pony in me pocket,
I’ll fetch the suitcase from the van.
Cos if you want the best ‘uns,
But you don’t ask questions,
Then brother, I’m your man.
Cos where it all comes from is a mystery,
It’s like the changin’ of the seasons,
And the tides of the sea.
But here’s the one that’s drivin’ me beserk,
Why do only fools and horses work?
La-la-la
La-lala-la
La-la-la
La-lala-la.
No income tax, no V.A.T.,
No money back, no guarantee,
Black or white, rich or poor,
We’ll cut prices at a stroke……
Allah bless Downing Street,
Viva Downing Street,
Long live Downing Street,
C’est magnifique, Downing Street,
Magnifique, Downing Street,
Downing Street (to fade)
*applause*
“Thanks for forgiving our $80Billion debt Jonah, …sorry Global, ….sorry Gordon. Its the right thing to do”
BTW who won the crap mps book competition?
jgm2……..a fix.
No one said it was supposed to be CLEAN limericks.
Bit much expecting it from us lot.
The readers of Guido’s daft blog
Are Tories, libertarians and trogs
They’re quite often crude
And sometimes post nude
Through a thick cannabinoid fog
LORD! LORD! DO NOT TOUCH THE JONAH’S HAND!
AN ETERNAL CURSE WILL BE PLACED ON THE SAUDI FAMILY IF YOU TOUCH IT
GORDON BROWN IS BLACK MAGIC SATANIST HE DRINKS BLOOD!
WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT LET THE SATANIST TOUCH YOU ABDULLAH!
OH SHIT…. TOO LATE.
FUCK.
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GO BAQK TU AMERRYKA WARE U BELONG SUKKER
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ASTA
‘ No,your Excellency,you don’t understand! You’ve been investing,not creating debt!’
The prime minister congratulates the sheikh on his purchase of the latest high speed bank note printing machinery
“Second hospital exposed for failing patients” (Times)
Correction:
‘Hospital’ . . . yeah yeah yeah –
‘ ‘NHS’ . . JOKE !
‘ ‘University’ . . Huh !!!! grandiose twaddle !!
‘ ‘Foundation’ . . . . LOL
‘ ‘Trust’ . . . gone long ago
Emir: “I have made a stew that tastes of jew cocks – I eat it all the time (between sucking). Come Gordon, let’s have some jew cock stew before the jews arrive so we can get our taste buds ready for the sucking.”
Gordon: “Ololoerooliool!”
Gordon: “No thanks, I’ve got a Mandelson at home, if I could just prise him off the Brasilian help…”
Sheikh – I don’t suppose I could persuade you to visit Israel instead of us next time?
Strangers in the night,
Dubai, Dubai, doo,
Exchanging glances…
‘Lawrence of Arabia was a liar and a self-propagandist! Are you related,by any chance?’
“Where’s my watch?!”
Der am de Massa of de H O L E world!!
He sho’ am de Main Man.
He make de ‘Kulared’ bros pay up – sho ’nuff
‘That I have been reduced to shaking hands with a tin pot leader of a corrupt regime fills me with shame’
Says sheikh Maktoum
I did city and guilds building studies in the 1980′s and they told us then sand was not a suitable place to build
Who is teaching these eastern european builders?
‘Are you the bloke from MASH and the Gumball rally?’ asks Brown
‘David Milliband briefed you up then Gordon’ replies shiekh
Prime Minister Brown Excepts The Grim Reaper Award(pictured right) From Labour Supporter.
‘I hope you found the sand I put by your WC suitable for its purpose?’ ‘I don’t wish to offend you,Prime Minister but I’m afraid your cat had already found it suitable.’ ‘We don’t have a cat…’
McLackey: “Silvio mentioned Your Excellency might have a couple of tips for me”.
UKIP Leadership results now in:
http://www.westbournemouthukip.com/main.htm
I fucked his grandaughter
he’s a lizard not a moose
After President Obama cancelled his scheduled meeting with Gordon Brown as he had far too many important things to attend to, a genius Labour intern struck on the idea of hiring a look-a-like…
Congratulations Broon
You’ve joined the club and ev’rybody here agrees
We got the finest blend of nearly honest men
Welcome to the forty thieves
A fraternity of thugs that you can trust
There’s nothing up our eighty sleeves
Got lots a grub to share
Pull up on easy chair
Welcome to the forty thieves
Now you get to lie and cheat
Never have to brush your teeth
But we always aim to please
Care for one another, you’ll never miss your mother
(Oh, I love you guys!)
Scheming up a scam out on the lam
Takin’ whatever we please
And if you like to lurk, you’re gonna love this work
Welcome to the forty thieves
Welcome to the forty thieves
Together we’re the perfect team
Larceny is in the genes
Dare to share the family dream
Live a life or leisure, counting all your treasure
As an honorary member of the gang
That no one alive ever leaves
Ya gotta snatch and sneak or else your future’s bleak
We got a life time contract that you’re bound to keep
Ya wanna save your skin, you’d better fit right in
Wel, Wel, Welcome to the
Wel, Wel, Welcome to the forty thieves
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WUN FEELS AT HOME IN A TENT,
PAYING LESS RENT,
SITTING ON THE DESERT SAND
MUNTCHING A D8*
WITH A COUGHIE M8*
AND LIVING A LIFE
EVER SEW GRAND
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ASTA
Gordon and the solar panel heating salesman close the deal which will mean 90% of the UK needs will be met by green energy by next Friday… Mr Brown said “What works in Dubai will work for us and I will have saved the world again at Copenhagen”
Sheik – ‘ You must visit my country some time ‘
Gordon – ‘ I can’t, homosexuality is illegal over there isn’t it ?’
Gordon welcomes another member into the fold at gamblers anonymous H.Q, let’s sheik on it quips comedian (though still in denial) Brown.
The headmaster of the ‘ALL JEWS ARE SCUM WHO SHOULD BE DRIVEN INTO THE RED SEA AND ALL INFIDEL UNBELIEVERS AND GAYS SHOULD BE THROWN INTO A PIT OF FIRE AND STONED TO DEATH SCHOOL ( FOR GIRLS )’ thanks Gordon for his generous cash gift from the taxpayer.
Sensible policies
The UK now leads the world in funding Islamic ‘schools’ the cunning plan is to swamp the islamist agitators in the UK with so much much funding and favours that they will forget all about the Jihad against the west they have been taught to hate and despise.
The cunning plan has one tiny flaw though, the islamists will take the free cash, laugh at our utter stupidity and then carry on with the Jihad against us fully equipped and nourished with taxpayers cash. How long before the very same islamists who have had cash lavished on them will turn themselves into human bombs to return our generosity with interest?
Ever eager to learn, in this picture we see Our Glorious and Beloved Leader asking the un-elected foreign potentate, what, if any, ideas, he would suggest in the event of natioanal bankruptcy.
The Noble Shake merely smiled and shook the Beloved Leader’s Hand, commenting upon its softness.
Sheikh: ‘I’ve been talking to your Sir Mandelson Mr Brown. Is he a Jew?’
Brown: ‘I wouldn’t know your holiness. I prefer it with the lights out.’
‘Hi Mr Netanyahu, how nice to meet you’
A handshake is all Gordon requires to believe his new cleaners claim that he is not an illegal.
haha
‘ I like your wife, very big teets, may I have her for my harem ? ‘
‘Take her, she’s no bloody use for me, swap you for an Arab boy ?’
lol probably a grain of truth in it as well
Did McCoward offer Margaret Beckett as “good Camel breeding stock by chance”?
Brown’s “golden handshake” turns into a golden shower for Dubai.
“Mr Brown, I do not understand your immense satisfaction at winning a one-horse race for the leadership of your party.”
“Mr Brown, are those your wives at the foot of the column?”
Sheik – ‘I’ve got you some Turkish Delight’
Gordon – ‘Oh goody, what’s his name ?’
LOL!
Sir William I wouldnt mind any of those young ladies on my column
” I sell you feelthy peektures”
Camel Jockey meets Knob Jockey
see #68
You can’t blame it all on the Jewish bankers…….that’s my line……
Who is this Pastor Williams chap who appears to have predicted this years events back in January? He reckoned Dubai would be a ‘wasteland’ by about now.
Any of you financial bods know anything about him? Does he know what he’s talking about, or is it a load of old conspiracy theory bollox?
I hope its the latter….
Tell you what – I’ll swap Maggie Beckit, The Smut woman, and HarPerson for three o’ your camels.
Keep me lawn nice, they would.
So Your Sheikhyship, let me see if I’ve got this right. The curse which is upon me may be lifted by my purchase from you and your associates at the very reasonable cost of my country’s future, of the Holy Falafel of O’Reilly?
Sheik Maktoum is impressed with Gordons secret change the U.K. into a desert programme.
Sheik: Good to see you again Osama. I told you it would be a good plan to hide in plain sight. Our plan to destroy the West is proceeding as planned.
Sheikh.”Do buy our Dubai apartments.Theyre fully equipped with tea towels.”
Brown.”I can see that with one eye by just looking at you, you cheeky Arab.What’s in it for me?”
Sheikh.”Sand.”
Sheik: I built my country on sand.
Brown: I built my country on sh*t.
We also do Arabs…
I like my women like I like my ketchup.
Need a good slapping to get it to come.
Gordon Brown praised Dubai as a stunning success and a model of what can be achieved by global finance circa 2008 and now we realise that it was nothing more than a huge white elephant built on sand and the UK is a major stakeholder in this monster disaster circa 2009.
Gordon Brown and disaster, they go together like flies and shite on a hot day in the desert, still never mind eh? You win some and you lose some OR in Brownworld you lose some and the then you some more. I wonder how much the UK taxpayer will have to fork out this time?
I liked purple lines “can i have my hand back ”
however
GB “so you say if UK finance plc buys sand it will quadruple its investment and cure the national debt problem ”
Sheik ” yes a david becham its in the back of the net”
GB “ill run it past Ed and Alistair , hold on a mo Ill just phone them ”
few minutes later
GB “couldnt get hold of Alistair sec says he doesnt know how come hes 25% out on economy contraction , but spoke to ed says if you name a boulevard after him and throw in 50 camels ,hes in ”
shiek “good ill give you sole rights if we conclude in the next 5 minutes ”
GB “is cash ok ”
shiek ” oh i only do business in gold ”
Gb “thats Ok ive run out of cash anyway “
It started in the UAE.
” I saved the world, don’t you know “
I thought it was peter butterworth at PMQs gurning disgrace !
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Save As
SAVE AS A SOLE IN NO MANS* LAND,
SAVE AS A PLAICE IN HOLLYWOOD GRAND,
SAVE AS A SHEKEL
SAVE AS A HAM,
SAVE AS A SMILE,
SAVE AS SAND
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ASTA
“i have some FLIPPING properties for you”
yes–i know a bargin when i see one
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, “What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies, “It’s Keith, the midget.”
Gorgon: I really like that statue of Michael Jackson in his burkha.
Sheik: He was very nice boy.
‘My friends call me Rashid.’ ‘My friends call me collect.’
Gordon shakes on a deal for 5 billion sand bags in exchange for Royal Bank of Scotland
‘My friends call me Rashid.’ ‘My friends call me collect.’
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/27/gary-mckinnon-extradition
O/T sorry but I see that Alan Johnson has authorised Gary McKinnon’s extradition to America. This despite the CPS asking him to allow them to prosecute him here on lessr charges, which would have prevented his extradition, and also would not likely have resulted in a custodial sentence.
Johnson has told the CPS ‘to step aside and let the Americans have him.’
Callous evil uncaring incompetent government!!!!
Hmm does this imply that Mckinnon did indeed find evidence of ET on US DoD Computers and badly secured one to boot.
you can sense the net community ebbing away from labour
Said all three people left, smugly, to themselves.
Indeed. It should be whoever designed the security on the computer system who should be called to account. Fortunately, for everyone, it was someone with a benign intent and Asperger’s syndrome looking for UFOs and not a terrorist who got there first.
There was no security designed for the systems. Just a simple login/password system. The fault lies at the admin of those machines for leaving the password for the logins blank, or using simple passwords like….’password’.
Mckinnon did not use any proper hacking techniques like buffer overflows etc, so he shouldn’t really be called a hacker/cracker.
Not too sure about the ‘Fortunately’.
Completely Useless Nonentities Talking Shite
Acrostics aside, what the fuck are we doing with Postman fucking Pat in charge of a decision like this? I wouldn’t trust him to decide which side of the toast to butter, the incompetent c’unt.
Typical NuLiebour – hate Britons, love the Septics.
‘Gottle a Geer’
SKWAAAARRRRKK!!! (fluff) ARRRRRRRRWK!!! (krrrrrrrrr) ENKOOLEYZ!!!
Sheik : Go on, show us a trick with your false eye.
Brown : Och nooo, it’s a bastard to put back in.
Sheik : I’ll give you free tickets to wild wadi.
Brown : Crivens….ok then………pop!!
Sheik : Ha ha ha……..Twat.
Gordon couldn’t quite put his finger on it, there was something well……different about Mr Speaker after the recess.
What do you mean ‘Michael Ashcroft sold Britain to you?’
“I’d like to thank his excellency for calling Scotland a power country!”
“I said poor!!”
..”POWER…”
“POOR!”
“.. no, no… I distinctly remember (and the people of Great Britain will agree with me on this one), you said power!”
Ah we are agreed then you offer me the job of Finance Minister if I have to flee the UK.
“Swarthy, bent and rich – you are David Cameron and I claim my £500 billion.”
‘I hear you turned Britain into a nation of Camels?’ ‘?’ ‘You give everyone the hump!’
“So you lost billions building islands in the sea – could you speak to Boris Johnson for me”?
Master Baiter should really try and get out a bit more…
Uncle Guido,
I found the perfect prize for this weeks caption winner;
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/NINTENDO-WII-CHEGGERS-PARTY-QUIZ-HOURS-OF-FUN_W0QQitemZ170410851780QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_VideoGames_VideoGameConsoles_VideoGameConsoles?hash=item27ad473dc4#ht_500wt_975
What a bargain.
I really wanted to meet Tony Blair, unfortunately I couldn’t afford him.
Gordon loved the sight of Master Baiter in a dress but he wasn’t sure that the beard suited him.
O/Y (??)
FT Alphaville (hat tip CoffeeHouse) point out we are massively in the shite re UAE/Dubai compared to everyone else.
http://ftalphaville.ft.com/blog/2009/11/27/85801/european-banks-most-exposed-to-uae-debt
‘According to the Bank for International Settlements, banks have claims totalling $123bn on debtors in the UAE, $88bn of which are held by European banks and $50bn by UK banks alone.’
Meantime the farting mediaocracy blather on about the pointless iraq inquiry.
So now we know what the £61 billion was towards…
‘Sarah! Come out of there!’
Gordon: Would you like a sheik with your burger? Sorry, just practicing for my next job.
Gi’ us a Job!!
‘Please come to Dubai,Prime Minister! If we have a weapon of mass destruction,creditors will be too afraid to ask for their money back.’
The Saviour of The World agreed that, in general, a little retail therapy at Harrods was just the thing to stimulate the economy of Dubai.
which one is Fanny May and which is Freddie Mack?
Nobel prize winners for social cohesion and tolerance and financial acumen congratulate one another recently.
richest man in world thanks poorest man in world for selling him gold at such a good price
Two other wise men refuse to pictured as third wise man shakes hand of a complete fool.
Sheikh – Well its curtains for me and its Burtons for you
good one
Well, thats agreed then. The UK will print some more money, then we will buy up all of your empty properties as a staging camp for those seeking asylum in the UK. I think that is a win-win-win situation.
Come closer you beardy sexpot. Have some more cheap gold.
“Nice beard, yurr Highness”
“Thank you. Mrs Brown is also a handsome woman”
shiek “it is such a pleasure to meet madame zigg zigg at last”
Our Indian restaraunt down the road has started to sell donkey curry.
Fuck me, it’s got right kick to it
Greetings Effendi Mac
To get your cash back you will have to wear for me nothing but a yashmak.
Gordon: ‘What you want for Eid?’
Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum: ’4 billion and all your furniture’.
It started in Caledonia.
For fucks sake don’t sit on anything!
Waxwork meets cardboard cut-out… or could it be the other way around?
“I’ll tell you one thing, your Highness. That mosque in Downing street is out the fucking window.”
“I am Jonah Gordon Brown Esq”!
So the British taxpayer in the shape of RBS will be keeping Dubai World afloat, just like the UK economy, Prime Minister?
This will not go unrewarded. How does 20 virgins a day for the rest of your life sound?
The villan from Stingray Meets Doctor Evil
Rag ‘n’ bone head shake on a new cart(el).
Rag Head Meets Dickhead !
Our Economy Is Bust ,So Is Mine ! or
Brown: I wish your economy ever sucsess in the future ! Or Brown is thinking
Why Didn’t We invade this place instead of that shit hole Iraq ?
Brown:-” Well one of us is the Devil and it’s not me. I cast a shaddow”
(Sheik to himself)
Some people get wise men bearing gifts, we get a wally with a cursed hand shake…
“That Gold braid round your shoulders used to be ours”
” Tony chose Catholisism, I’m trying Islam”
“Don’t worry about it your Highness, I’ll put you in touch with my pal Mervyn, he just prints the money when required.”
Brown :-”Have you seen that arse on Guido’s site? No not me the one wearing the white thong.” And you lot want to cover them up??????
It seems your place is going down the crapper as quickly as my financial credibility did!
Portsmouths new owners meet the press
Gordon, how can i thank you for the Barclays shares?
So let me get this straight I give you 20 billion Mr Brown in exchange for a signed copy of the Big Issue?
“What do they call this war-loving barbarian?”
“Brown?”
“Oh, bollocks. I thought I had ordered James Brown the popular singer, not James Gordon Brown, the unpopular Jonah. Oh, shit! I shook his hand! Still, our economy is basically sound. What can the handshake of one man do to damage it?”
Good one Mr Boom And Mr Bust
McAngus wishes Alistair Darling well before the Treasury’s Nativity play, where the three Kings bear gifts of frankincense, myrrh and a diverse portfolio of wildly-fluctuating currencies and stocks.
“Pull my finger, Prime Minister”
“Och, tha’s a bonnie bug fingrrr!”
“Um, zat eez not my finger you have hold of, and stop stroking it”
So you’re unelected, broke and like boys too?
Both of them better count their fingers
Just for you two, some songs about being broke for you to hum over your eyeball and testicle curry tonight.
Blind Alfred Reed, “How Can A Poor Man Stand Such Times And Live?”
Geto Boys, “Ain’t With Being Broke”
The Clash, “Career Opportunities”
Crystal Waters, “Gypsy Woman (She’s Homeless)”
The Beatles, “Can’t Buy Me Love”
Bruce Springsteen, “Atlantic City”
Dolly Parton, “Coat of Many Colors”
Creedence Clearwater Revival, “Fortunate Son”
Loretta Lynn, “Coal Miner’s Daughter”
Sham 69, “Hey Little Rich Boy”
Bob Marley “Them Belly Full (But We Hungry)”
Pulp, “Common People”
Erik B. and Rakim, “Paid In Full”
Desmond Dekker, “The Israelites”
Ruben Blades, “Adan Garcia”
“Annie” soundtrack, “It’s A Hard Knock Life”
Roger Miller, “King of the Road”
Townes Van Zandt, “Marie”
Stevie Wonder, “I Wish”
Ray Charles, “I’m Busted”
Randy Newman, “Mr. President (Have Pity on the Working Man)
Merle Haggard, “Workingman Blues”
Phil Collins, “Another Day In Paradise”
The Temptations, “Papa Was A Rolling Stone”
Gwen Guthrie, “Ain’t Nothing Going On But The Rent”
Run DMC, “Hard Times”
Clarence Carter, “Patches”
Kanye West, “Spaceship”
Jerry Reed, “She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft.”
Me mam says she wants her tea towel back…..
A property manager dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells him “You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding.” So he chooses to check out hell first.
He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and doing the limbo (and nobody’s doing the Macarena!). Everyone is laughing and having a great time.
Next St. Peter takes him up to heaven to look around. Everything is white and pristine. People are speaking softly about philosophy and mathematical formulas. Others are simply contemplative and serene. He’s bored in about five minutes.
St. Peter then says to the property manager, “I want you to sleep on it and meet me back here in the morning to let me know your decision.” The next morning he comes back and says to St. Peter, “Heaven is very nice and all, but hell looks great, so I’ve decided that I want to go to hell”. So St. Peter puts him on the escalator down to hell.
When he gets there he sees Satan whipping people and there’s fire everywhere and everyone is screaming in pain. So he goes over to Satan and says “Hey, what gives here? Yesterday I came here to check the place out and everyone had me partying and it looked like a great time. What happened?”
Satan looks at him and says “You used to be a property manager so you ought to know the answer to your own question. Yesterday you were a prospect. Today you’re just another resident!”
Brown……ok its a deal then , for every barrel of oil at the 10% discount we take in ten of your countrymen
You’ve got to laugh at a bunch of overweening ragheads getting their come-uppance, haven’t you?
Ho,Ho,Ho!
“Good-bai, Gordon”.
Leading middle east terrorist meets
some arab bloke !
Both Their Castles Were Built Upon Sand !
Boom Meets Bust !
Camel Jocky Meets Knob Jocky ?
Gordon wishes Sinbad good luck for the panto season.
oh thank god .we have finally found a country that is in a worse state financially than the glourious United Kingdom. now we are only the second worst!
Sid
“Why aren’t you grovelling like that nice Mr Obama?”
Gordon – “Dont worry about the money, we will just print some more”
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BISTO PANDGJE KYBOSHDOSH SUKKER
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IT STARTID IN AMERRYKA
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YU HAVE STARTID SEW YU MUST FINISH
YU MUST GO ON WRAOUWND THE BEND,
WAR IS NEVER JUSTIFIED
IS WUN OR LOST
INDyEND
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ASTA