November 27th, 2009

Friday Caption Competition (Jonah Dubai Edition)


385 Comments

  1. 1
    Purpleline says:

    Can I have my Hand back Mister Brown

  2. 2
    jockstrap says:

    deal! we lend you 100 billion of taxpayers cash,

  3. 3
    Article 38 says:

    “You want a postcard, Johnny? A girl? My sister, she very clean. No? A boy, perhaps? I do you very nice price!”

    “No thank you, Mr Brown. In Dubai these things are not permitted”

  4. 4
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    Jonahs jinx is now more serious than any Iraq investigation/MP’#s corruption/Banking scandals. Come on, I mean with this on Monday and Dubai soon after there’s much more than mere coincidence now.

  5. 5
    jgm2 says:

    Ha ha ha ha. This dumb fucker’s economy is absolutely shafted after a decade of property speculation. We’ll be able to buy all their assets for fuck all.

  6. 6
    Suie says:

    Jonah: We can do business… there’s a lot of surplus water in Cumbria, swopsy for oil?

  7. 7
    On all your Houses says:

    Sheikh shakes jock pox

  8. 8
    iain,ni says:

    “I give you £50 for the paintings”
    “Done”

  9. 9
    Anonymous says:

    Welcome to the bankrupt club!

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Sheikh: Ha, that’s the hand I use to wipe my arse.

    Jonah: Ha, that’s nothing, that’s the hand I use to sign off Labour economic policy.

  11. 11

    http://www.w4mp.org/html/personnel/jobs/disp_job.asp?ref=22610

    “Media Monitoring Officer for Labour Party” job advert.

    Let’s all apply.

  12. 12

    “You have the perfect beard for camel racing”

    “So do you Mr Brown”

  13. 13
    The IMF is coming says:

    Which one is saying this?

  14. 14
    Craig says:

    You do know that you’re now fucked, Your Excellency?

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    “I’m looking for extra money to bail out a liitle bunch of offshore islands that hit financial trouble”

    “Funny, I was going to say the same thing!”

  16. 16
  17. 17

    Do-buy some of our debt won’t you?

  18. 18
    fr says:

    Q. Baksheesh, effendi ?
    A. Sorry, we don’t work that way here in Dubai.

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    “You look taller in the flesh, Mrs Boyle.”

  20. 20
    jgm2 says:

    Errrrrrr, that’s the point.

  21. 21

    “Ach, Allah be cursed; infidel wipes arse with both hands”

    “Ah, but only one is mine”

  22. 22
    jgm2 says:

    Brilliant.

  23. 23
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    It would be several days before the sheikh was satisfied that he had removed all of the bogies from his right hand.

  24. 24
    Gordon says:

    That’s a nice beard Sheikh, I’ll introduce you to mine after the photos.

  25. 25
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    The Scot that likes Snot loses his hanky so wipes his hand on a nearby oily rag.

  26. 26
    Lorcan says:

    we’re always happy to offer refuge to deposed leaders gordon, but we’re afraid you might lower the tone

  27. 27
    Faust says:

    ‘Freaks and Horrors': Madame Tussauds unveil their latest two dummys.

  28. 28
    The IMF is coming says:

    Labour Party
    salary £30k, Fixed Term Contract To May 6 2009
    The Labour Party is seeking to recruit a Media Monitoring Officer (code:Master Baiter)to work as part of our Press and Broadcasting team. The successful candidate will monitor all required television, radio, new media and print media outlets as required, and identify newsworthy stories providing reports and transcripts as required to a variety of key stakeholders. You must sit at a computer all day making inane comments to try and subvert the thoughts of normal people, although this can be fruitless sometimes.
    You must have:

    No need for an excellent knowledge of British party politics and current affairs,
    A background in journalism or politics is not necessary
    Excellent understanding of print, broadcast and new media is pointless.
    The ability to work to tight deadlines in a highly pressurised environment, and be bollocked often.

    A full job description can be found on the Labour Party’s website at http://www.labour.org.uk/new_job

    closes 5pm Thursday 3rd December 2009

  29. 29
    Steve Expat says:

    Sheikh Mo to Jonah – “Anything you can do, we can do better!”

    Sheikh Mo “If you’re so good at saving the world, please can I borrow a few Dirhams?”

    Gordon: “Can I have some of that gold on your dishdasha, I sold all ours for fuck all?”

    Sheikh Mo “At least we built more than a big welfare bill during our boom”

    Gordon “That agal (rope around headscarf), is it as good as piano wire for hanging oneself?”

  30. 30
    George Street says:

    Why? Have you been shoplifting?

  31. 31
    reuters says:

    Maktoum meets McDoom

  32. 32
    Just put it on the expenses says:

    The hand of Jonah
    Dubai or not tobuy that is the question.

  33. 33
    Susan Boiled-Ham says:

    I thought Peter Sutcliffe was banged up

  34. 34

    Done.

    “Hi, I’m writing in response to your ad for a media monitoring officer.

    I’ve been monitoring the media, both mainstream and liberated, for some time now, and I have discovered anyone who isn’t sucking on the public tit in one way or another despises labour and everything it stands for.

    Enjoy your wilderness years,

    Frank”

  35. 35
    Stepney says:

    Random brooks telephone supreme capstan roof podzolic erudite toothbrush elegy.

    (Let’s face it the above has got fuck all to do with the image, which judging by yesterdays limerick result, means this has got to be in with a really terrific chance of winning).

  36. 36
    Nick Drew says:

    Shelley had it right

    … “Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair !” /
    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay /
    of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare /
    the lone and level sands stretch far away

  37. 37

    You forgot two person attibutes –

    A strong stomach

    No conscience.

  38. 38
  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    …& can I end our meeting by wishing you all the luck with your wonderful development of Dubai. I am sure that it will be a great success!

  40. 40
    Road_Hog says:

    Brown: The UK shares much with Dubai, an unelected ruler, banks that are going bust, etc.

  41. 41
    Gordon says:

    So that’s what Peter meant when he told me to get a beard all those years ago.

  42. 42
    International-ist says:

    Aye! – an wae hav’ sand in Twatlan’ tae ye ken, –

    An oyle!

    We di’nae need ye, but ye can hae’ oor gold!

    Mind ye, – it’ll be cheap!

  43. 43
    Beano says:

    NICE ONE

  44. 44
    jgm2 says:

    Yep. Applies equally to both of ‘em.

  45. 45
    The reincarnation of Williams Calcraft says:

    One of these men is a Hunt.

    One of these men is the absolute ruler of a state in desperate financial turmoil One of these men does not owe his position as ruler, to a vote by the people of theirr nation. One these parastites is a grasping, corrupt, theiving shyster who’s financial prudence has led to the longest recession in thier nations history. One of these men does not govern for the benefit of the people of his nation, rather he safeguards the prosperity and lust for power of a small elite.

    The other is Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum

  46. 46
    Symptom says:

    Bitterness – Brown’s cancer

  47. 47
    Stronghold Barricades says:

    So, since you have all that money from me buying your gold, can I interest you in a retirement property?

  48. 48
    Sukyspook says:

    Doh! Beat me to it – but was just inspired:

    “GET THOSE ARSES OUT OF MY FACE!”

  49. 49
    Faust says:

    one of them has a beard

  50. 50
    The reincarnation of Williams Calcraft says:

    Damn your infernal automatic meddling! I did not type the word hoon, i typed the word cnut…only spelled differently!

  51. 51
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    I have all your country’s gold reserves Mr Brown. Picked them up at a firesale a few years ago. Thank you for making me an extremely rich man.

  52. 52
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Gordon to Sheikh

    I would like to get into your thriving buy to let scheme
    It looks like a real winner

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    the statue woman

  54. 54
    Race Horse says:

    Brown;

    “I AM sorry your highness,we got rid of our last horse – I sent her to the EU to be High Priestess”.

  55. 55
    Faust says:

    sorry @40 there first

  56. 56
    Gordon Brown says:

    You do torture?
    We do torture too. Miliband does our torture, maybe he should hook up with your guy to discuss torture methods.
    Currently we are achieving very high levels of information retrieval success by attaching electrodes to the enemies’ testicles. And the mutiliation of their genitals also yields very good results, they will say whatever we want them to.
    I am utterly convinced that only by torturing Afghans and occupying their country can we keep Britain’s streets safe from terrorists.
    Torturing Afghans and bombing Afghan weddings is the right thing to do.
    I am getting on with the job of torturing Afghans.

  57. 57

    We have a winner

  58. 58
    Wordplay - beats foreplay says:

    Try “c*unt” – it usually works for me.

  59. 59
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    sheikh my hand and then give me my watch back

  60. 60
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    sheiking thievens

  61. 61
    Odds Bodkins says:

    Brown: “No democracy, No management skills. The cost of running this mega foolish mirage has run into billions”.

    Al Maktoum: “That’s your job.”

  62. 62
    Sukyspook says:

    Careful – you might get labelled a ‘conspiracy kook’ ;O)

  63. 63
    The Jinx Enquiry - Room 220,QE2 Centre, London SW1. says:

    We need ANOTHER public enquiry – perhaps we could get a BOGOFF with the QE2 Centre and have it running simultaneously next to the Iraq Enquiry,then the witnesses could just flit between each room.

  64. 64
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry to be ot but the Jonah looks to be trying to make a new friend and probably get some economic advice.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1231384/Brown-extends-olive-branch-Mugabe-plans-readmit-Zimbabwe-Commonwealth.html

  65. 65
    backwoodsman says:

    Rag head meets dick head

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    What bastard put drawing pins on our chairs?

  67. 67
  68. 68
    backwoodsman says:

    camel jockey meets nob jockey

  69. 69
    Handy says:

    His Highness (thinks) ;

    “mmm – they told me he uses that hand to wipe his arse,or was it to pick his nose?

  70. 70
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    BREAKING NEWS

    Gordon Brown pledges to update the British Monarchy following a private meeting with the new Royal Defender of the Faith.

  71. 71

    AP1_2224

    Leader of the Conservative Party David Cameron meets His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Ruler of Dubai and Vice President of the UAE in his office in Westminster, London, Monday November 23, 2009.

    I smell rats

  72. 72
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    Phew, That’s got rid of the bogey. Saves having to eat it eh?

  73. 73
    Stepney says:

    Israel’s secret weapon initiates the downfall of the entire Arab race.

  74. 74
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Sheikh ‘n vacuous

  75. 75
  76. 76
    The Jinx - coming to a Cinema near you says:

    So that’s the two totty airline hostesses fucked – in the worst possible way.

  77. 77
    Odds Bodkins says:

    Come on then, which one of use martyrs himself first?

  78. 78
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    I do not understand Mr Brown how you let anybody and everybody twitter your wife. In my country we would stone her to death for that.

  79. 79
    Steve Expat says:

    Mo: “There’s being fucked, and there’s being FUCKED!”

    Mo: “Thank God I don’t have to face an election next year!”

    Gordon and Mo shake on Britian’s latest overseas investment opportunity

    Gordon: “I’ve got this superb sand here, if you would be interested in buying it?”

  80. 80
    Mudplugger says:

    When Brown met the Sheik he would say,
    “I’ve lost track of the time, by the way.
    I feel such a prick
    Writing this Limerick,
    ‘Cos the contest was closed yesterday”.

  81. 81
    THEATRE ROYAL says:

    LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW THAT THE PANTOMIME SEASON IS APPROACHING, THE THEATRE ROYAL IS PLEASED AND PROUD TO PRESENT TO YOU THIS YEAR’S WIDOW TWANKY AND HER UNDERSTUDY.

  82. 82
    Odds Bodkins says:

    The left one is for wiping and the right one is for shaking hands. No the left… er… shit, anyone got a spare Koran?

  83. 83
    rocknrolla says:

    perfect :)

  84. 84
    Odds Bodkins says:

    So you are left with Dubai owing $80 billion? You make it look far too easy.

  85. 85
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    That’s not my hand you are shaking Mr Brown.

  86. 86
    backwoodsman says:

    Just asked my friendly chop shop tenants to write requesting an application form in Bangladeshi – this could be good, like sending ‘donations’ of bricks to the LACS on a payment on receipt basis.

  87. 87
    rocknrolla says:

    never forget what brown did to our birthright, fought for over centuries, selling the nation’s gold to pay benefits to labour voters, fund wars and pay for unlimited immigration:

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article1654931.ece

  88. 88
    jgm2 says:

    They have a guaranteed interview policy for folk with certain disabilities that meet the ‘minimum criteria’. Surely the best way to fuck up their operation is to send in a whole load of bogus CVs with the necessary qualifications to meet the ‘minimum criteria’ plus claiming to have the ‘qualifying’ disability to be guaranteed an interview.

    They daren’t refuse any because for all they know this could be a put-up job by Tory HQ/B&P HQ/some disabilities quango and there might actually be a genuine, suitably qualified candidate in amongst all the chaff.

    Could probably tie the fuckers down for months with enough bogus CVs.

    There you go Tories, B&P, Liberals, UKIP. Knock yourselves out.

  89. 89
    rocknrolla says:

    I should add the article is from 2007, with gold over $1100/ oz today the figures will be worse still.

  90. 90
    Road_Hog says:

    OT,

    Strange, because I though that Scroteland didn’t take a copy and the UKBA didn’t find anything other than her ordinary passport with expired work visa.

    Baroness Scotland’s ex-cleaner is charged by police
    Loloahi Tapui
    Otolose Loloahi Tapui once worked as a cleaner for Baroness Scotland

    A former cleaner for Attorney General Baroness Scotland has been charged over immigration offences.

    Otolose Loloahi Tapui has been charged with possession of a false identity document, fraud by false representation and overstaying leave to remain.

  91. 91
    Brown - the ironic failure says:

    O/T but in the same area;

    “Gordon Brown, the British Prime Minister, said the world economy was now strong enough to cope with Dubai’s debt problems.”

    Bit like an axe murderer appearing in a TV ad for aforesaid axe.

  92. 92
    Maladroit Labour Chump says:

    Successful candidate will have access to Labour’s limitless supply of moral turpitude.

  93. 93
    john harding says:

    Follow my advice and you could soon have an economy as strong as Britain’s.

  94. 94
    bknister says:

    After you upgrade the WC and the kitchen, I think you’ll like it.

  95. 95
    chronic says:

    Its a deal then Baroness Uddin gets the fire place.

  96. 96
    The IMF is coming says:

    Sorry, I thought you said ‘Do you buy in Debt’

  97. 97
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Good Mr Brown, we have a deal, the 2012 Olympics will now be held in Dubai. I will, of course, make sure that nothing regarding the decision can be traced back to you.

  98. 98
    lolol says:

    One man got into debt by trying to help his country into the 21st century,the other man pissed money all over the place just to upset the opposition party.

  99. 99

    Old Holborn starts work as a Labour Media Monitoring Officer

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Shaky: “We have sport, here, which your Exalted One, Mr Peter Mandelson, found very much to his liking, perhaps, you would also like it.
    It is called “serf (sic) riding.”

  101. 101
    NS says:

    Not a very Beau Geste (hat tip Private Eye of course)

  102. 102
    McGroom says:

    Geoffrey Robinson has lent me the deposit.

    If I buy the whole UK island, I only want the Scottish bit and Peter wants the rump

  103. 103
    BananaMan says:

    It started in the Middle East

  104. 104
    McGroom says:

    You have a deal Mr. Brown – we sell you Dubai’s entire oil reserves for US$80 billion

  105. 105

    I’ve just applied as a Nigerian Muslim disabled homosexual refugee.

    I’ll print the response on my blog

  106. 106
    Pink Paper says:

    Gulf States Embrace Same Sex Marriage

  107. 107
    Arp says:

    Jeremy Beadle – The Unseen Tapes.

  108. 108
    Fools' gold says:

    Great big desert rats, in fact.

    It’s all a wee bit dubaious.

    Announced when New York shut for Thanksgiving, Moslemia shut down for Eid al Whatever and LSE has a couple of hours of no-trading due to a ‘technical glitch.’

    Can’t blame ‘em though.

    The stakes are high.

  109. 109
    Gorgon, the Drear dread incompetent Moron, useless Twat frae’ Twatland, Sav’r o’ tha’ wuld, ‘n that says:

    Ar’ spak’ as ar find –

    No frills on mae – ‘cept in ma hair when Mandy comes –

    YOUR STATE is as useless as ma’aen economy ‘n tha’ NHS

  110. 110
    Jimmy says:

    PM meets Tories’ new owner to discuss funding reforms.

  111. 111
    Al says:

    Gordon Brown: “Ooh, I do like a man in drag!”

  112. 112
    JL says:

    Brown ‘When you establish a new caliphate of Eurabia I want to be the caliphe”

    Raghead ‘Piss off bumboy’

  113. 113
    The Inquisition says:

    Financial misconduct = Conservatives

  114. 114
    FG says:

    Sheikh “Dubai fucked, Britain fucked”

    Brown “Bingo!!”

  115. 115
    Engineer says:

    “You have a fine beard.”

    “Thank you.”

  116. 116
    Sir William Waad says:

    Good morning Mr Blair, how is your wife Sharia?

  117. 117
    David "Cast Iron Guaruntee" Cameron says:

    give me oil i give you jihadist sponge wars. Nice.

  118. 118
    Master Baiter says:

    “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

  119. 119
    mondeoman says:

    And I insist on the world adopting the Tobin tax and Co2 tax, tax on tax, internet tax, tax on breathing……..

  120. 120
    Sir William Waad says:

    Brown: What ya gotta ask yourself, Emir, is “Do I feel lucky?”

  121. 121
    Master Baiter says:

    Sheik, your hand.

  122. 122
    Gorgon, at final press conference says:

    You see – I did not have sex with that woman!

  123. 123
    Young Nat says:

    Sheikh Buys Scotland

  124. 124
    Del says:

    “Gordon Brown says world economy (British taxpayer) strong enough to cope with Dubai debt problems”

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/6669430/Gordon-Brown-says-world-economy-strong-enough-to-cope-with-Dubai-debt-problems.html

    What do Gordon Brown and Mark Oaten have in common? Whenever they see a pile of shit they just have to go and stick their nose in it.

  125. 125
    Master Baiter says:

    A horse a horse, my kingdom for a horse!

  126. 126
    My Name is Mister Raj says:

    Very good very good

  127. 127
    older not wiser says:

    Do you need a hand with a government loan.

    I have a country full of suckers who don’t their arse from their elbow, so we’ll pass it off as prudence

  128. 128
    fred says:

    Dhimmi meets dummy.

  129. 129
    Goolanger says:

    Brown seals the deal to buy 200 tonnes of Dubai gold.

  130. 130
    George Osborne says:

    And so am I.

  131. 131
  132. 132

    “Lord Ahmed, how was prison?”

  133. 133
    GT says:

    Canny Gordon Brown invests £50 billion of taxpayers money in thriving Dubai property market.

  134. 134
    Bert says:

    Phwoar, sexy outfit Sarah!

  135. 135
    Master Spoofer says:

    Spoof!

    Isn’t it!

    Hahahaha!

  136. 136
    Master Baiter says:

    No one will read them.

  137. 137
    Engineer says:

    Camel, surely?

    The one on the left has definitely got the hump.

  138. 138
    Master Baiter says:

    Ahmed to that.

  139. 139

    Congrats on your win JGM2

    “Are you having Allahaf?”

  140. 140
  141. 141
    streamfisher says:

    Gordon drops another googly, the seven pillars of Wisden.

  142. 142
  143. 143
    Master Baiter says:

    ‘It’s oil gone, sorry.’ said the Sheik

  144. 144
  145. 145
    Mr Ned says:

    Even my wildest conspiracy theories cannot match what is actually going on these days!

  146. 146
    concrete pump says:

    Brown : your dress smells of cum

    Sheik : inshallah

  147. 147
    McTwat says:

    Arab: “In my country they cut off the hands of thieving bastards. How come you have still got yours.”

  148. 148
    Post Early for Xmas says:

    I wonder if Gordon will threaten to use the Terrorism Act like he did with Iceland ???

  149. 149
    nabidana says:

    Meritocracy: We disprove it thus.

  150. 150
    Old Soak says:

    Sarah’s Winter Make-over Brings Out Gordon’s Smile.Yes ,they’re sleeping together again.

  151. 151
    Film Fun Weekly says:

    Brown denies rumours that he is to star in re-make of Lawrence of Arabia following meeting with Omar Sharif Junior

  152. 152
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    Stone me.

  153. 153
    Sheik Adbullah Adbullah says:

    The Sheik is used to touching crap with his arse wiping hand.

    From one kind of brown to another.

  154. 154
    Master Baiter says:

    Baita!

  155. 155
    Anonymous says:

    Welcome to Britain Sheik Maktoum. Oh, and consider yourself fucked by the Hand of Gord!

  156. 156
    Alistair Camp bell says:

    Your job is under review because you’re so shit at it. Re-apply if you have to at

    http://www.w4mp.org/html/personnel/jobs/disp_job.asp?ref=22610

  157. 157
    Coney Island says:

    My dear Shiekh – I do hope you haven’t lost your ability to erect a tent and water a camel.

  158. 158

    LMAO – even better than the Susan Boyle one above

  159. 159
    Jordan says:

    I like a man with a strong handsheikh

  160. 160
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    It’s been a pleasure doing business with you Mr Brown. I’ll arrange for the oriental eunuchs, skilled in the arts of bathing, dressing and other functions to be flown immediately to the Cap Cod address you requested.

  161. 161
    Hugh Janus says:

    Splendid!

  162. 162
    Gold selling sage says:

    Gent on Left – “Bloody hell!, what was that going past?”

    Shyster on right – “nothing much, just all your gold being ‘borrowed’ by Alistar”

  163. 163
    streamfisher says:

    Gordon strikes deal on Houses of Parliament window cleaning contract with Sheik A’Shami.

  164. 164
    Carry On Don't Lose Your Head (1967) says:

    Here’s a little ‘present’ Mr Brown – a modest gold bar. Remember, don’t flog it, it’s an investment.

  165. 165
    Hugh Janus says:

    …and quick on your feet to avoid flying objects.

  166. 166
    Suie says:

    Like this one

  167. 167
    Jon1 says:

    In Dubai the right hand is used for wiping ones bum, so of course they are both passing on shit to one another…

  168. 168
    thick as thieves says:

    not so good.

  169. 169
    Cyco Billy says:

    :-)

  170. 170
    jgm2 says:

    That was Monday’s news.

    Today’s news…

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1231282/Recession-worse-feared-Chancellor-predicts-steepest-slump-ever.html

    IT’S FUCKED. Fucked by spendaholic Labour imbeciles.

    Brown, Darling, the treasury. They’re lying. They were lying in 2003 when they justified borrowing 27bn that year, they were lying in 2004 when they justified borrowing 38bn…..not once did they come in under their budgetted borrowing.

    In 2007 it was ‘what recession?’ In 2008 it was ‘we’re uniquely [well?] positioned’ In 2009 it was ‘we’re leading the world out of recession..’

    And here we are Q4 2009 – first into recession and last out. A deeper recession than the great depression and Brown and Darling are still giving it…. ‘if we just keep borrowing more money….’

    THEY’RE LYING. They’re always lying.

    They lied about a PR referendum. They lied about a Lisbon referendum they’re lying about just how badly fucked the situation is just so they can creep over the election finish line and dump the whole shit-pot in some other poor bastards lap and then jeer from the sidelines.

    They (Labour) are the economic and political equivilent of teenagers who set fire to a house, phone the fire brigade and then chuck rocks and shoot at the firemen with air-rifles when they show up.

  171. 171

    Dubai’s in deep shit then.

    Any tips on the 3.05 at Lingfield Park

  172. 172
    Anon says:

    Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle, Australia, was asked
    on a local live radio talk show just what he thought about the allegations of
    torture of suspected terrorists.

    His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause
    from the audience.

    HIS STATEMENT:

    ‘If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner’s testicles to a power supply to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one
    Australian life, then I have only three things
    to say:

    ‘Red is positive,

    Black is negative, and

    Make sure his nuts
    are wet.’

  173. 173
    Gordon Brown says:

    I understand that fourteen of the nineteen terrorists who attacked America and flew planes into the Twin towers were from your country.

  174. 174
    McGroom says:

    Master Baiter/The Inquisition/Bananaman = Pathological Denial

  175. 175
    Sheik Adbullah Adbullah says:

    Stick a pony in me pocket,
    I’ll fetch the suitcase from the van.
    Cos if you want the best ‘uns,
    But you don’t ask questions,
    Then brother, I’m your man.
    Cos where it all comes from is a mystery,
    It’s like the changin’ of the seasons,
    And the tides of the sea.
    But here’s the one that’s drivin’ me beserk,
    Why do only fools and horses work?
    La-la-la
    La-lala-la
    La-la-la
    La-lala-la.

  176. 176
    Sheik Adbullah Adbullah says:

    No income tax, no V.A.T.,
    No money back, no guarantee,
    Black or white, rich or poor,
    We’ll cut prices at a stroke……
    Allah bless Downing Street,
    Viva Downing Street,
    Long live Downing Street,
    C’est magnifique, Downing Street,
    Magnifique, Downing Street,
    Downing Street (to fade)

  177. 177
    art1000 says:

    “Thanks for forgiving our $80Billion debt Jonah, …sorry Global, ….sorry Gordon. Its the right thing to do”

  178. 178
    MR NOSY says:

    BTW who won the crap mps book competition?

  179. 179
    ABDULLA'S SLAVE says:

    LORD! LORD! DO NOT TOUCH THE JONAH’S HAND!
    AN ETERNAL CURSE WILL BE PLACED ON THE SAUDI FAMILY IF YOU TOUCH IT
    GORDON BROWN IS BLACK MAGIC SATANIST HE DRINKS BLOOD!
    WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT LET THE SATANIST TOUCH YOU ABDULLAH!
    OH SHIT…. TOO LATE.
    FUCK.

  180. 180
    climategate ongoing at www.wattsupwiththat.com says:

    ‘ No,your Excellency,you don’t understand! You’ve been investing,not creating debt!’

  181. 181
    conspiracyguy says:

    The prime minister congratulates the sheikh on his purchase of the latest high speed bank note printing machinery

  182. 182
    (o/t) More pretentious LieBore Bullshit exposed . . . says:

    “Second hospital exposed for failing patients” (Times)

    Correction:

    ‘Hospital’ . . . yeah yeah yeah –

    ‘ ‘NHS’ . . JOKE !

    ‘ ‘University’ . . Huh !!!! grandiose twaddle !!

    ‘ ‘Foundation’ . . . . LOL

    ‘ ‘Trust’ . . . gone long ago

  183. 183
    Gordon cockman says:

    Emir: “I have made a stew that tastes of jew cocks – I eat it all the time (between sucking). Come Gordon, let’s have some jew cock stew before the jews arrive so we can get our taste buds ready for the sucking.”

    Gordon: “Ololoerooliool!”

  184. 184
    Diablo says:

    Sheikh – I don’t suppose I could persuade you to visit Israel instead of us next time?

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    Strangers in the night,
    Dubai, Dubai, doo,
    Exchanging glances…

  186. 186
    climategate ongoing at www.wattsupwiththat.com says:

    ‘Lawrence of Arabia was a liar and a self-propagandist! Are you related,by any chance?’

  187. 187
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “Where’s my watch?!”

  188. 188

    Lord Pearson new UKIP leader

  189. 189
    Lil' Missy Shitty of da Green Shooty, commenting, says:

    Der am de Massa of de H O L E world!!

    He sho’ am de Main Man.

    He make de ‘Kulared’ bros pay up – sho ’nuff

  190. 190
    Camels Arse says:

    ‘That I have been reduced to shaking hands with a tin pot leader of a corrupt regime fills me with shame’
    Says sheikh Maktoum

  191. 191
    Anonymous says:

    “Haven’t got a wee camel for me to ride?”

    “No, but I can let you have as much camel wee as you want!”

  192. 192
    C.h.o.c.o.l.o.t.i.s. says:

    I did city and guilds building studies in the 1980’s and they told us then sand was not a suitable place to build

    Who is teaching these eastern european builders?

  193. 193

    Result, Gerry Batten- 2571, Mike Natrass- 1092, Lord Pearson – 4743, Nikki sinclair 1217,

  194. 194
    Camels toe says:

    ‘Are you the bloke from MASH and the Gumball rally?’ asks Brown

    ‘David Milliband briefed you up then Gordon’ replies shiekh

  195. 195
    The Brown Death says:

    Prime Minister Brown Excepts The Grim Reaper Award(pictured right) From Labour Supporter.

  196. 196
    Anonymous says:

    Good story, but not true unfortunately.

  197. 197
    climategate ongoing at www.wattsupwiththat.com says:

    ‘I hope you found the sand I put by your WC suitable for its purpose?’ ‘I don’t wish to offend you,Prime Minister but I’m afraid your cat had already found it suitable.’ ‘We don’t have a cat…’

  198. 198
    Cyco Billy says:

    McLackey: “Silvio mentioned Your Excellency might have a couple of tips for me”.

  199. 199
  200. 200
    James says:

    After President Obama cancelled his scheduled meeting with Gordon Brown as he had far too many important things to attend to, a genius Labour intern struck on the idea of hiring a look-a-like…

  201. 201
    Anonymous says:

    This is just so original. Well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.

    I’d only read it about a thousand times on every newspaper today.

  202. 202
    Mr Plum says:

    Congratulations Broon
    You’ve joined the club and ev’rybody here agrees
    We got the finest blend of nearly honest men
    Welcome to the forty thieves

    A fraternity of thugs that you can trust
    There’s nothing up our eighty sleeves
    Got lots a grub to share
    Pull up on easy chair
    Welcome to the forty thieves

    Now you get to lie and cheat
    Never have to brush your teeth
    But we always aim to please
    Care for one another, you’ll never miss your mother
    (Oh, I love you guys!)

    Scheming up a scam out on the lam
    Takin’ whatever we please
    And if you like to lurk, you’re gonna love this work
    Welcome to the forty thieves

    Welcome to the forty thieves

    Together we’re the perfect team
    Larceny is in the genes
    Dare to share the family dream
    Live a life or leisure, counting all your treasure

    As an honorary member of the gang
    That no one alive ever leaves
    Ya gotta snatch and sneak or else your future’s bleak
    We got a life time contract that you’re bound to keep
    Ya wanna save your skin, you’d better fit right in
    Wel, Wel, Welcome to the
    Wel, Wel, Welcome to the forty thieves

  203. 203
    Suie says:

    Gordon and the solar panel heating salesman close the deal which will mean 90% of the UK needs will be met by green energy by next Friday… Mr Brown said “What works in Dubai will work for us and I will have saved the world again at Copenhagen”

  204. 204
    markybruv says:

    jgm2……..a fix.

  205. 205
    Jonah Watch says:

    We are going to have to knock down all those schools and hospitals build in the brown boom as won’t be able to maintain them

    what a mctwat running a massive deficit for the last 9 years on the back of banker bonus tax receipts

    and we the tax payer own 55% of the Dubai debt mountain that is housing mctwats celebrity friends on palm island!

  206. 206
    simon r says:

    Sheik – ‘ You must visit my country some time ‘

    Gordon – ‘ I can’t, homosexuality is illegal over there isn’t it ?’

  207. 207
    streamfisher says:

    Gordon welcomes another member into the fold at gamblers anonymous H.Q, let’s sheik on it quips comedian (though still in denial) Brown.

  208. 208
    Jonah Watch says:

    That advertisement means that Master Baiter is going to get the sack!

  209. 209
    Brown - the colour of shit says:

    No one said it was supposed to be CLEAN limericks.

    Bit much expecting it from us lot.

  210. 210
    Anonymous says:

    I’m aware of where it comes from.

    I just don’t see what you parrotting it after a thousand other people have done on this Dubai story adds to the debate.

    Other than to prove you’re a muppet of course.

  211. 211
    Anonymous says:

    “In Dubai these things are not permitted”

    Pull the other one.

  212. 212
    simon r says:

    The headmaster of the ‘ALL JEWS ARE SCUM WHO SHOULD BE DRIVEN INTO THE RED SEA AND ALL INFIDEL UNBELIEVERS AND GAYS SHOULD BE THROWN INTO A PIT OF FIRE AND STONED TO DEATH SCHOOL ( FOR GIRLS )’ thanks Gordon for his generous cash gift from the taxpayer.

  213. 213
    Just like Brown says:

    Simple

  214. 214
    Anonymous says:

    Sheikh’n knots turd?

  215. 215
    The Director of Politically Krect ‘n Convenient Troof at AlJaBeeba, - the State Propaganda Service says:

    Ever eager to learn, in this picture we see Our Glorious and Beloved Leader asking the un-elected foreign potentate, what, if any, ideas, he would suggest in the event of natioanal bankruptcy.

    The Noble Shake merely smiled and shook the Beloved Leader’s Hand, commenting upon its softness.

  216. 216
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Sheikh: ‘I’ve been talking to your Sir Mandelson Mr Brown. Is he a Jew?’
    Brown: ‘I wouldn’t know your holiness. I prefer it with the lights out.’

  217. 217
    simon r says:

    ‘Hi Mr Netanyahu, how nice to meet you’

  218. 218
    Susan Boyle says:

    Rumbled!

    Damn!

  219. 219
    007 says:

    sheikh’n knots turd?

  220. 220
    Not long till labour gone says:

    A handshake is all Gordon requires to believe his new cleaners claim that he is not an illegal.

  221. 221
    simon r says:

    ‘ I like your wife, very big teets, may I have her for my harem ? ‘

    ‘Take her, she’s no bloody use for me, swap you for an Arab boy ?’

  222. 222
    Labour Lies says:

    Did McCoward offer Margaret Beckett as “good Camel breeding stock by chance”?

  223. 223
    .243 Win says:

    Brown’s “golden handshake” turns into a golden shower for Dubai.

  224. 224
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Mr Brown, I do not understand your immense satisfaction at winning a one-horse race for the leadership of your party.”

  225. 225
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Mr Brown, are those your wives at the foot of the column?”

  226. 226
    simon r says:

    Sheik – ‘I’ve got you some Turkish Delight’

    Gordon – ‘Oh goody, what’s his name ?’

  227. 227
    The Hitch says:

    Sir William I wouldnt mind any of those young ladies on my column

  228. 228
    The Hitch says:

    ” I sell you feelthy peektures”

  229. 229
    The Hitch says:

    Camel Jockey meets Knob Jockey

  230. 230
    Four Eyes says:

    Master Baiter = MB = McBride

  231. 231
    Arthur P says:

    lol probably a grain of truth in it as well

  232. 232
    Anonymous says:

    He’s right, it doesn’t matter where it started.

    What matters is that Gordon has left us up shit creek without a paddle, and whilst others are swimming away we are stuck in the shit.

    He will find out how the electorate view his sterling failures in 2010, because of course he didn’t have the bottle to find out until then – if he’d called the election when he first got selected by the Labour Party to be PM he might have won.

    What a tool. Just like selling our gold for 1/6th of its current value, every decision he makes is the diametric opposite of SOUND.

  233. 233
    The Hitch says:

    Sensible policies

  234. 234
    The Hitch says:

    I fucked his grandaughter

  235. 235
    sinosimon says:

    You can’t blame it all on the Jewish bankers…….that’s my line……

  236. 236
    Groucho says:

    Who is this Pastor Williams chap who appears to have predicted this years events back in January? He reckoned Dubai would be a ‘wasteland’ by about now.

    Any of you financial bods know anything about him? Does he know what he’s talking about, or is it a load of old conspiracy theory bollox?

    I hope its the latter….

  237. 237
    The Kirk-Aldi Cleark says:

    Tell you what – I’ll swap Maggie Beckit, The Smut woman, and HarPerson for three o’ your camels.

    Keep me lawn nice, they would.

  238. 238
    Doc Trough says:

    So Your Sheikhyship, let me see if I’ve got this right. The curse which is upon me may be lifted by my purchase from you and your associates at the very reasonable cost of my country’s future, of the Holy Falafel of O’Reilly?

  239. 239
    Outlier says:

    You are SOOOOO boringly predictable (and factually incorrect)

  240. 240
    Sinking ships says:

    An economy built on (quick)sand. But which economy does that describe? lol.

  241. 241
    streamfisher says:

    Sheik Maktoum is impressed with Gordons secret change the U.K. into a desert programme.

  242. 242
    Henry Crun says:

    Sheik: Good to see you again Osama. I told you it would be a good plan to hide in plain sight. Our plan to destroy the West is proceeding as planned.

  243. 243
    Colonel Nut. says:

    Sheikh.”Do buy our Dubai apartments.Theyre fully equipped with tea towels.”
    Brown.”I can see that with one eye by just looking at you, you cheeky Arab.What’s in it for me?”
    Sheikh.”Sand.”

  244. 244

    Sheik: I built my country on sand.

    Brown: I built my country on sh*t.

  245. 245
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Brown: “So you built your dazzling economy on sand. Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything quite so solid here.”

  246. 246
    Eric Von Pickleshaub says:

    We also do Arabs…

  247. 247
    Dave "Cast Iron Guarantee" Cameron says:

    I like my women like I like my ketchup.

    Need a good slapping to get it to come.

  248. 248
    Andy Carpark says:

    ‘They (Labour) are the economic and political equivilent of teenagers who set fire to a house, phone the fire brigade and then chuck rocks and shoot at the firemen with air-rifles when they show up.’

    You got this from a Biffa Bacon cartoon which appeared in Viz, circa 1991.

  249. 249
    Cassandra King says:

    Gordon Brown praised Dubai as a stunning success and a model of what can be achieved by global finance circa 2008 and now we realise that it was nothing more than a huge white elephant built on sand and the UK is a major stakeholder in this monster disaster circa 2009.

    Gordon Brown and disaster, they go together like flies and shite on a hot day in the desert, still never mind eh? You win some and you lose some OR in Brownworld you lose some and the then you some more. I wonder how much the UK taxpayer will have to fork out this time?

  250. 250
    Airey Belvoir says:

    (Both men simultaneously:) “Any chance of a loan?”

  251. 251
    caesars wife says:

    I liked purple lines “can i have my hand back ”

    however

    GB “so you say if UK finance plc buys sand it will quadruple its investment and cure the national debt problem ”

    Sheik ” yes a david becham its in the back of the net”

    GB “ill run it past Ed and Alistair , hold on a mo Ill just phone them ”

    few minutes later

    GB “couldnt get hold of Alistair sec says he doesnt know how come hes 25% out on economy contraction , but spoke to ed says if you name a boulevard after him and throw in 50 camels ,hes in ”

    shiek “good ill give you sole rights if we conclude in the next 5 minutes ”

    GB “is cash ok ”

    shiek ” oh i only do business in gold ”

    Gb “thats Ok ive run out of cash anyway “

  252. 252
    Grt says:

    It started in the UAE.

  253. 253
    BillyBob poops on ZaNuLab says:

    ” I saved the world, don’t you know “

  254. 254
    caesars wife says:

    I thought it was peter butterworth at PMQs gurning disgrace !

  255. 255
    dr. sipp says:

    “i have some FLIPPING properties for you”

    yes–i know a bargin when i see one

  256. 256
    "Boy" George Osborne says:

    Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

    After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

    The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, “What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

    The woman replies, “It’s Keith, the midget.”

  257. 257
    Four Eyes says:

    Gorgon: I really like that statue of Michael Jackson in his burkha.

    Sheik: He was very nice boy.

  258. 258
    Master Baiter says:

    Self abuse, always.

  259. 259
    Cassandra King says:

    The UK now leads the world in funding Islamic ‘schools’ the cunning plan is to swamp the islamist agitators in the UK with so much much funding and favours that they will forget all about the Jihad against the west they have been taught to hate and despise.
    The cunning plan has one tiny flaw though, the islamists will take the free cash, laugh at our utter stupidity and then carry on with the Jihad against us fully equipped and nourished with taxpayers cash. How long before the very same islamists who have had cash lavished on them will turn themselves into human bombs to return our generosity with interest?

  260. 260
    Jonty Pryor says:

    Baiter, please stop, You are embarrassing the party and with Gordon in charge we can’t take any more.

  261. 261
    Stephenshorland says:

    ‘My friends call me Rashid.’ ‘My friends call me collect.’

  262. 262
    Mr Plum says:

    Gordon shakes on a deal for 5 billion sand bags in exchange for Royal Bank of Scotland

  263. 263
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    ‘My friends call me Rashid.’ ‘My friends call me collect.’

  264. 264
    CHIPPY says:

    what a load of crap

  265. 265
    Anonymous says:

    What matters more is how you deal with the situation once it has started, and how you prepare in case it starts.

    Gordon has failed abysmally on both counts.

    I can’t wait to see him humiliated in 2010.

  266. 266
    Sir Barrington Minge says:

    JG Broon: (For ’tis he) Well that’s you fucked sunshine!!

    Mustafa: You too. That’s my dick you’ve got hold of and I have the clap.

  267. 267
    Anonymous says:

    No but they have comment sections where 1000 people of a sharper wit than you have posted this before you.

  268. 268
    nell says:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/27/gary-mckinnon-extradition

    O/T sorry but I see that Alan Johnson has authorised Gary McKinnon’s extradition to America. This despite the CPS asking him to allow them to prosecute him here on lessr charges, which would have prevented his extradition, and also would not likely have resulted in a custodial sentence.

    Johnson has told the CPS ‘to step aside and let the Americans have him.’

    Callous evil uncaring incompetent government!!!!

  269. 269
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    ‘Gottle a Geer’

  270. 270
    markybruv says:

    Sheik : Go on, show us a trick with your false eye.

    Brown : Och nooo, it’s a bastard to put back in.

    Sheik : I’ll give you free tickets to wild wadi.

    Brown : Crivens….ok then………pop!!

    Sheik : Ha ha ha……..Twat.

  271. 271
    Doc Trough says:

    Gordon couldn’t quite put his finger on it, there was something well……different about Mr Speaker after the recess.

  272. 272
    Anonymous says:

    Hmm does this imply that Mckinnon did indeed find evidence of ET on US DoD Computers and badly secured one to boot.

  273. 273
    Anonymous says:

    What do you mean ‘Michael Ashcroft sold Britain to you?’

  274. 274
    Senor Frizby says:

    “I’d like to thank his excellency for calling Scotland a power country!”
    “I said poor!!”
    ..”POWER…”
    “POOR!”
    “.. no, no… I distinctly remember (and the people of Great Britain will agree with me on this one), you said power!”

  275. 275
    Anonymous says:

    Ah we are agreed then you offer me the job of Finance Minister if I have to flee the UK.

  276. 276
    Anonymous says:

    “Swarthy, bent and rich – you are David Cameron and I claim my £500 billion.”

  277. 277
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    ‘I hear you turned Britain into a nation of Camels?’ ‘?’ ‘You give everyone the hump!’

  278. 278
    NS says:

    see #68

  279. 279
    Anonymous says:

    “So you lost billions building islands in the sea – could you speak to Boris Johnson for me”?

  280. 280
    50 Calibre says:

    Master Baiter should really try and get out a bit more…

  281. 281
    caesars wife says:

    you can sense the net community ebbing away from labour

  282. 282
  283. 283
    Frank says:

    I really wanted to meet Tony Blair, unfortunately I couldn’t afford him.

  284. 284
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Gordon loved the sight of Master Baiter in a dress but he wasn’t sure that the beard suited him.

  285. 285
    Sheik Rattlanroll says:

    I won’t take lessons in house-building from an arsehole who failed to fix his roof when the sun was shining.

  286. 286
    Trev says:

    O/Y (??)
    FT Alphaville (hat tip CoffeeHouse) point out we are massively in the shite re UAE/Dubai compared to everyone else.

    http://ftalphaville.ft.com/blog/2009/11/27/85801/european-banks-most-exposed-to-uae-debt

    ‘According to the Bank for International Settlements, banks have claims totalling $123bn on debtors in the UAE, $88bn of which are held by European banks and $50bn by UK banks alone.’

    Meantime the farting mediaocracy blather on about the pointless iraq inquiry.

  287. 287
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    ‘Sarah! Come out of there!’

  288. 288
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    Gordon: Would you like a sheik with your burger? Sorry, just practicing for my next job.

  289. 289
    Greychatter says:

    Gi’ us a Job!!

  290. 290
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    Indeed. It should be whoever designed the security on the computer system who should be called to account. Fortunately, for everyone, it was someone with a benign intent and Asperger’s syndrome looking for UFOs and not a terrorist who got there first.

  291. 291
    Cockney Christian says:

    he’s a lizard not a moose

  292. 292
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    ‘Please come to Dubai,Prime Minister! If we have a weapon of mass destruction,creditors will be too afraid to ask for their money back.’

  293. 293
    Sue says:

    The Saviour of The World agreed that, in general, a little retail therapy at Harrods was just the thing to stimulate the economy of Dubai.

  294. 294
    Cockney Christian says:

    which one is Fanny May and which is Freddie Mack?

  295. 295
    Suave Guy says:

    haha

  296. 296
    Cockney Christian says:

    Nobel prize winners for social cohesion and tolerance and financial acumen congratulate one another recently.

  297. 297
    Cockney Christian says:

    richest man in world thanks poorest man in world for selling him gold at such a good price

  298. 298
    Cockney Christian says:

    Two other wise men refuse to pictured as third wise man shakes hand of a complete fool.

  299. 299
    Mr Plum says:

    Sheikh – Well its curtains for me and its Burtons for you

  300. 300
    Grrr says:

    Well, thats agreed then. The UK will print some more money, then we will buy up all of your empty properties as a staging camp for those seeking asylum in the UK. I think that is a win-win-win situation.

  301. 301
    I was there says:

    Come closer you beardy sexpot. Have some more cheap gold.

  302. 302
    idle says:

    “Nice beard, yurr Highness”

    “Thank you. Mrs Brown is also a handsome woman”

  303. 303
    tipple says:

    Shouldn’t you be on The Hajj? I hear that the “camel piss cure for everything” has been watered down this year, what with the rain & that.

  304. 304
    caesars wife says:

    shiek “it is such a pleasure to meet madame zigg zigg at last”

  305. 305
    "Boy" George Osborne says:

    Our Indian restaraunt down the road has started to sell donkey curry.

    Fuck me, it’s got right kick to it

  306. 306
    Roger Daley says:

    Greetings Effendi Mac
    To get your cash back you will have to wear for me nothing but a yashmak.

  307. 307
    FINNEGAN'S BAKE says:

    Dubai is a sandy empire built on borrowing. It is environmentally unsafe and it is good to hear of its failure. The tasteless hotels and apartments catered for the rich of this world who have little compassion for the poor. So good riddance I say. Gordon distance yourself from the ruler of this failed state.

  308. 308
    Lorna M says:

    Gordon I wish I had your charisma and your wife.

  309. 309
    Georgie Porgy says:

    Cameron Wuz here first,the curse preceded me!

  310. 310
    I Hate Tories says:

    David Cameron Met the sheik on Monday.Rats Galore.A loser meets another loser.

  311. 311
    PolicyOptions says:

    Gordon: ‘What you want for Eid?’
    Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum: ‘4 billion and all your furniture’.

  312. 312
    Roger Daley says:

    It started in Caledonia.

  313. 313
    I Hate Tories says:

    I saw that Tory, Archer in there.

  314. 314
    tipple says:

    For fucks sake don’t sit on anything!

  315. 315
    P. Doff says:

    Waxwork meets cardboard cut-out… or could it be the other way around?

  316. 316
    A Silent Emission of Bowel Gas says:

    “I’ll tell you one thing, your Highness. That mosque in Downing street is out the fucking window.”

  317. 317
    Mr J G Brown Esq says:

    “I am Jonah Gordon Brown Esq”!

  318. 318
    stilyagi_air_corps says:

    Said all three people left, smugly, to themselves.

  319. 319
    Mr Slater's Parrot says:

    SKWAAAARRRRKK!!! (fluff) ARRRRRRRRWK!!! (krrrrrrrrr) ENKOOLEYZ!!!

  320. 320
    Anonymous says:

    So the British taxpayer in the shape of RBS will be keeping Dubai World afloat, just like the UK economy, Prime Minister?

    This will not go unrewarded. How does 20 virgins a day for the rest of your life sound?

  321. 321
    HASH GORDON (saviour of the universe) says:

    The villan from Stingray Meets Doctor Evil

  322. 322
    Cockney Christian says:

    good one

  323. 323
    Rt Hon Baron Derek Draper of Berkeley Phd MA BSc VC MC DFC KCMG CMG says:

    Racist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  324. 324
    Mr B Brush says:

    Boom boooom.

  325. 325
    Gordon 'I'm not the Anti-Christ' Brown says:

    Rag ‘n’ bone head shake on a new cart(el).

  326. 326
    anon anon anon....... says:

    Brown:-” Well one of us is the Devil and it’s not me. I cast a shaddow”

  327. 327
    chrisg says:

    (Sheik to himself)

    Some people get wise men bearing gifts, we get a wally with a cursed hand shake…

  328. 328
    Faux Cul says:

    So 51% of UKIP postal voters didn’t want Pearson then?

  329. 329
    anon anon anon....... says:

    “That Gold braid round your shoulders used to be ours”

  330. 330
    anon anon anon....... says:

    ” Tony chose Catholisism, I’m trying Islam”

  331. 331
    Glaswegian says:

    “Don’t worry about it your Highness, I’ll put you in touch with my pal Mervyn, he just prints the money when required.”

  332. 332
    anon anon anon....... says:

    Brown :-“Have you seen that arse on Guido’s site? No not me the one wearing the white thong.” And you lot want to cover them up??????

  333. 333
    Anonymous says:

    It seems your place is going down the crapper as quickly as my financial credibility did!

  334. 334
    Gordons favourite Butt Plug says:

    No Matter how often you post the message from your Borg controllers.

    It simply won’t work on here.

    All that will happen is that you will eventually come to actually believe it yourself.

    Which will then need expensive therapy.

  335. 335
    Gordons favourite Butt Plug says:

    Good job that B. S. broke NO rules at all!

  336. 336
    jgm2 says:

    I’ll apply as a transvestite! Funny because it’s true!!

  337. 337
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    You’re right. Not so good, just fucking brilliant.

  338. 338
    dobbin says:

    Portsmouths new owners meet the press

  339. 339
    Robin B'stard MP....... says:

    Gordon, how can i thank you for the Barclays shares?

  340. 340
    thick as thieves says:

    I am top boy, I am always right.
    who brought this silly fucking slag with them?

  341. 341
    T. Nuck says:

    So let me get this straight I give you 20 billion Mr Brown in exchange for a signed copy of the Big Issue?

  342. 342
    Anonymous says:

    “What do they call this war-loving barbarian?”

    “Brown?”

  343. 343

    “Oh, bollocks. I thought I had ordered James Brown the popular singer, not James Gordon Brown, the unpopular Jonah. Oh, shit! I shook his hand! Still, our economy is basically sound. What can the handshake of one man do to damage it?”

  344. 344
    Mc Shape me a fcuking ISA in the sea says:

    Good one Mr Boom And Mr Bust

  345. 345
    Simon R says:

    LOL!

  346. 346
    Article 38 says:

    I know, I know… just for the craic…

  347. 347
    Simon R says:

    McAngus wishes Alistair Darling well before the Treasury’s Nativity play, where the three Kings bear gifts of frankincense, myrrh and a diverse portfolio of wildly-fluctuating currencies and stocks.

  348. 348
    Simon R says:

    “Pull my finger, Prime Minister”

    “Och, tha’s a bonnie bug fingrrr!”

    “Um, zat eez not my finger you have hold of, and stop stroking it”

  349. 349
    Simon R says:

    So you’re unelected, broke and like boys too?

  350. 350
    Davy says:

    Both of them better count their fingers

  351. 351
    Schweinhund says:

    Just for you two, some songs about being broke for you to hum over your eyeball and testicle curry tonight.

    Blind Alfred Reed, “How Can A Poor Man Stand Such Times And Live?”
    Geto Boys, “Ain’t With Being Broke”
    The Clash, “Career Opportunities”
    Crystal Waters, “Gypsy Woman (She’s Homeless)”
    The Beatles, “Can’t Buy Me Love”
    Bruce Springsteen, “Atlantic City”
    Dolly Parton, “Coat of Many Colors”
    Creedence Clearwater Revival, “Fortunate Son”
    Loretta Lynn, “Coal Miner’s Daughter”
    Sham 69, “Hey Little Rich Boy”
    Bob Marley “Them Belly Full (But We Hungry)”
    Pulp, “Common People”
    Erik B. and Rakim, “Paid In Full”
    Desmond Dekker, “The Israelites”
    Ruben Blades, “Adan Garcia”
    “Annie” soundtrack, “It’s A Hard Knock Life”
    Roger Miller, “King of the Road”
    Townes Van Zandt, “Marie”
    Stevie Wonder, “I Wish”
    Ray Charles, “I’m Busted”
    Randy Newman, “Mr. President (Have Pity on the Working Man)
    Merle Haggard, “Workingman Blues”
    Phil Collins, “Another Day In Paradise”
    The Temptations, “Papa Was A Rolling Stone”
    Gwen Guthrie, “Ain’t Nothing Going On But The Rent”
    Run DMC, “Hard Times”
    Clarence Carter, “Patches”
    Kanye West, “Spaceship”
    Jerry Reed, “She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft.”

  352. 352
    Yachydda says:

    Me mam says she wants her tea towel back…..

  353. 353
    Bum Dealer says:

    A property manager dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells him “You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding.” So he chooses to check out hell first.

    He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and doing the limbo (and nobody’s doing the Macarena!). Everyone is laughing and having a great time.

    Next St. Peter takes him up to heaven to look around. Everything is white and pristine. People are speaking softly about philosophy and mathematical formulas. Others are simply contemplative and serene. He’s bored in about five minutes.

    St. Peter then says to the property manager, “I want you to sleep on it and meet me back here in the morning to let me know your decision.” The next morning he comes back and says to St. Peter, “Heaven is very nice and all, but hell looks great, so I’ve decided that I want to go to hell”. So St. Peter puts him on the escalator down to hell.

    When he gets there he sees Satan whipping people and there’s fire everywhere and everyone is screaming in pain. So he goes over to Satan and says “Hey, what gives here? Yesterday I came here to check the place out and everyone had me partying and it looked like a great time. What happened?”

    Satan looks at him and says “You used to be a property manager so you ought to know the answer to your own question. Yesterday you were a prospect. Today you’re just another resident!”

  354. 354
    Dave says:

    *applause*

  355. 355

    The readers of Guido’s daft blog
    Are Tories, libertarians and trogs
    They’re quite often crude
    And sometimes post nude
    Through a thick cannabinoid fog

  356. 356

    Gordon: “No thanks, I’ve got a Mandelson at home, if I could just prise him off the Brasilian help…”

  357. 357
    alex taylor says:

    Brown……ok its a deal then , for every barrel of oil at the 10% discount we take in ten of your countrymen

  358. 358

    Completely Useless Nonentities Talking Shite

    Acrostics aside, what the fuck are we doing with Postman fucking Pat in charge of a decision like this? I wouldn’t trust him to decide which side of the toast to butter, the incompetent c’unt.

    Typical NuLiebour – hate Britons, love the Septics.

  359. 359

    So now we know what the £61 billion was towards…

  360. 360
    Uranus, the Magician says:

    You’ve got to laugh at a bunch of overweening ragheads getting their come-uppance, haven’t you?
    Ho,Ho,Ho!

  361. 361
    Professor Phil Jones says:

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  362. 362
    13eastie (159 Days: Bye-bye, Gordon) says:

    “Good-bai, Gordon”.

  363. 363
    CAMERON BALLS OF A MOUSE says:

    Leading middle east terrorist meets
    some arab bloke !

    Both Their Castles Were Built Upon Sand !

  364. 364
    CAMERON BALLS OF A MOUSE says:

    Boom Meets Bust !

  365. 365
    CAMERON BALLS OF A MOUSE says:

    Camel Jocky Meets Knob Jocky ?

  366. 366
    Biffo says:

    Gordon Brown shakes hands on the deal that he hopes will give him & his friends unlimited access to small Arab boys.

  367. 367
    CAMERON BALLS OF A MOUSE says:

    Rag Head Meets Dickhead !
    Our Economy Is Bust ,So Is Mine ! or
    Brown: I wish your economy ever sucsess in the future ! Or Brown is thinking
    Why Didn’t We invade this place instead of that shit hole Iraq ?

  368. 368
    Not long till labour gone says:

    There was no security designed for the systems. Just a simple login/password system. The fault lies at the admin of those machines for leaving the password for the logins blank, or using simple passwords like….’password’.

    Mckinnon did not use any proper hacking techniques like buffer overflows etc, so he shouldn’t really be called a hacker/cracker.

  369. 369
    itsbehindyou says:

    Gordon wishes Sinbad good luck for the panto season.

  370. 370
    Biffo says:

    Not too sure about the ‘Fortunately’.

  371. 371
    Sid in Scotland says:

    oh thank god .we have finally found a country that is in a worse state financially than the glourious United Kingdom. now we are only the second worst!
    Sid

  372. 372
    John Bowman says:

    “Why aren’t you grovelling like that nice Mr Obama?”

  373. 373
    Hang All Bankers says:

    Gordon – “Dont worry about the money, we will just print some more”

  374. 374
    Abu Derby says:

    £
    %
    *
    *
    *
    *

    BISTO PANDGJE KYBOSHDOSH SUKKER

  375. 375
    Abu Gravitas says:

    $
    %
    *
    *
    *
    *

    IT STARTID IN AMERRYKA

  376. 376
    Abu Grave says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    YU HAVE STARTID SEW YU MUST FINISH

    YU MUST GO ON WRAOUWND THE BEND,

    WAR IS NEVER JUSTIFIED

    IS WUN OR LOST

    INDyEND

    *

    ASTA

  377. 377
    Alley Baba says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    WUN FEELS AT HOME IN A TENT,
    PAYING LESS RENT,
    SITTING ON THE DESERT SAND

    MUNTCHING A D8*
    WITH A COUGHIE M8*

    AND LIVING A LIFE

    EVER SEW GRAND

    *

    ASTA

  378. 378
    Churchill's Cattleprod says:

    Brown: “Need a mass-murdering terrorist released from jail? I’m your man.”

  379. 379
    Churchill's Cattleprod says:

    Arab sheikhs off the drip.

  380. 380

    *
    *
    *
    *

    MAYDAY
    MAYDAY,
    AOUWER SHIP IS GOING DAOUWN,
    THE KAPTINS* NAME IS DGJONAH,
    AND THE KAPTIN IS A KLAOUWN

    MAYDAY, MAYDAY,
    AOUWER SHIP IS GOING DAOUWN,

    SAVE AOUWER SOLES

    PLEASE DON*T LET US DRAOUWN

    *

    ASTA

  381. 381
    Little Read Wreeding And Wryding Hood says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    Faound On Merlins* Wall

    WOT DID NIMROD SAY TWO ABRAKADABRAHAM

    *

    WURSHIP THAT WYTCH PROTEQKTS YU MEN FROM THE WIND

    *

    ASTA

  382. 382
    RAVI WANGQKAR says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    THIS YEARS*

    KNOT THIS YEAR’S SUKKER

    PRYDE PREESEEDS THE FAWL

    THE QWEEN IS DUING FRYNDGJE PANTO THIS YEAR SUKKER

    FOUR THE WRUOYL FAMILY IN KILLIEKRANQKEY

    THE QWEEN IS THIS YEARS* OUIYYDDOUGH BANKY

    THE QWEENS* UNDERSTUDAEIS OUIDDOUGH HANKYPANKY

    *

    ASTA

  383. 383
    CORPUS BRAOUWN HOLDING A BUM DEAL says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    GHEEDOUGH

    PUT THIS INTU YORE CHAPATI AND SMOKE IT FOUR THE TIME BEING

    THE QWEENS* UDDER BUDDY IS

    OUIYYDDOUGH HANKYPANGQUAYBERNANKEYBANKEY

    *

    ASTA

  384. 384
    Urnie Saver says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    Save As

    SAVE AS A SOLE IN NO MANS* LAND,

    SAVE AS A PLAICE IN HOLLYWOOD GRAND,

    SAVE AS A SHEKEL

    SAVE AS A HAM,

    SAVE AS A SMILE,

    SAVE AS SAND

    *

    ASTA

  385. 385
    Abdab says:

    *
    *
    *
    *

    GO BAQK TU AMERRYKA WARE U BELONG SUKKER

    *

    ASTA


Seen Elsewhere

Liz Kendall For Leader | Indy
Bashir Booted Out By Respect | Respect
Americans Try Haggis | Guardian
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Steven Woolfe For UKIP Leader? | Asa Bennett
Mohammed — in Pictures | Speccie
Leon Brittan’s Accusers Must Show Their Evidence | Dan Hodges
New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm | TechnoGuido
In Davos, Carrying a BlackBerry is a Status Symbol | Business Insider
New Labour in Peep Show Quotes | Telegraph
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC


Find out more about PLMR AD-MS


George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”


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