July 14th, 2009

Telegraph Losing £200,000 a Week

telegraph logoThe Telegraph lost £9.8 million last year – which is a pretty good result for them – they lost £30 million the year before.

Circulation jumped 2% in May on the back of Expensegate, but fell back in June showing they were unable to hold onto readers.

Something to bear in mind about the Telegraph Media Group is that it is now a semi-nationalised newspaper.  The Barclay Brothers overpaid a stonking £665 million for the newspaper in 2004.  They are in hock up to their offshore eyeballs to RBS and HBOS, both nationalised banks.  So in a sense Gordon Brown is now their chief creditor.  Do you wonder why Guido calls it the Daily Labourgraph? You don’t want to upset your largest creditor too readily…


  1. 1

    ### Charles_E_Hardwidge ###


    • 3
      Chopya Knoboff says:

      Give me a gelding iron,and i’ll change you for starters

    • 6
      What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

      “[LabourList is] a mirror of a collapsing government being run over by an opposition with a free pass. Wake up.
      Charles Hardwidge @ 5:07 pm, Wed 8th Apr 2009 on LabourList

      • 11
        Anonymous says:

        How can we be sure th e real Hardwidge said that? There are so many of them

        • 14
          What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

          Check out the Dizzy Does… thread somewhere around comment 278. He confirms it was what he thought in April but that now everything is so much better.

        • 18
          What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

          If you put his name into Google, my post now comes fourth in the results. Tee hee.

        • 55
          Arthur Sandwich says:

          I have to admit to ‘passing off’ Charles

        • 111
          NewGirl says:

          WCHRB you are my hero.

        • 456
          no longer anonymous says:

          I have also impersonated him.

          Has the real one ever actually posted here?

        • 507

          ### Charles_E_Hardwidge ###

          CPU BOREDOM OVERFLOWserious.

        • 520
          kick one they all limp says:

          The Twat stands out a mile and his name Is in blue and takes you to the Lie-bore list and his dross makes you want to Murder him !

        • 534
          thick as thieves says:

          charles is a tory fifth columnist.
          didn’t you realise?

    • 10
      Engineer says:

      More stat porn for Guido. Keep it coming, Charlie – and you can interpret that any way you wish.

      • 13
        oldrightie says:

        So Jimmy Snot had a vested interest in giving them the expenses cd. Thought so!

    • 16
      Mr Slater's Parrot says:


    • 23
      Harri says:

      Try telling that to the Gorgon !

    • 27
      The Baiter's Master says:

      Good God, your actually quoting Michale Jackson. You must reallly be short of ideas.

    • 82
      Observer says:

      Fuck off, Charles. You old tosser.

    • 83
      mad fred 2 para retired says:

      You are an apologist for war criminals.

    • 110
      Sir William Waad says:

      Didn’t you do this one on another thread?

    • 190
      an assassination is urgently required says:

      Oh just fuckoff you sanctimonious bellend!

    • 195
      summer_Breeze says:

      Physician heal thyself!

      I bet it made your day, getting first post!

      • 272
        Mr Geoffrey Hoon MP says:

        I was a big man man last month. Now its all about Charles Hardwinge. Life can be cruel. I am still and will always remain an utter pudenda.

      • 537
        kick one they all limp says:

        He’s still wiping himself with tissues !

    • 316
      tat says:

      he’s looking at the man in the mirror
      he’s telling him to change his ways
      no message could have been any clearer
      if charles wants to make the world a better place
      he better look at himself and make that change.
      what a michael jackon nonce charles is!
      defintitely a tory troll.
      bugger off you cliche ridden nonce.

      • 381
        random idiot says:

        Shut up! Shut up or I’ll ban you! I’ll ban everyone!

      • 549
        random idiot's boyfriend says:

        Don’t start fighting again. thick as thieves will kick your fucking head in if you start you stupid bitch, you are going to get a right good hiding if you don’t shut your fucking gobby mouth you silly c’unt.

    • 488

      Charlie boy, either you’re completely rabidly delusional or you’re one of those satirists who are too damn clever to be funny.

      Haven’t made up my mind which.



  2. 2
    nabidana says:

    Like many a tory bot, I was an avid Telegraph reader until its editorials began to stick in the old throat a little. How strange that committed conservative I am, the bloody Times and Grauniad have become much more readable. Damningly, the presence of confirmed twats at their political desk, and the intellectual equivalent of a slice of bread dipped in dripping as its editor, have now made the FT a more readable paper than the Liebourgraph. Besides, as a Dublin based exile from the Conservative / UUP clusterfuck, it’s much more easy to find.

    • 7

      Irrationality and personality politics got its hooks into this issue ages ago. That’s why it’s turned into some dumb trial of strength with queues forming of people who are after some graft or a few easy votes. One merely wields the sword and if people want to jump in its way that’s their karma.

      • 8
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        “[LabourList is] a mirror of a collapsing government being run over by an opposition with a free pass. Wake up.”
        Charles Hardwidge @ 5:07 pm, Wed 8th Apr 2009 on LabourList

      • 508
        Master Baiter's Dad says:

        Hardwidgie doesn’t actually believe anything. He can’t. He doesn’t exist. He has simply stepped out of the pages of Owell’s 1984.

    • 24
      Engineer says:

      Telegraph isn’t what it was, that’s true. Good bits include:

      1) Matt.

      2) Letters.

      My all-time favourite was from about three years ago; “Sir, Gordon Brown as Prime Minister? The man’s shirt collar curls.” How prophetic that turned out to be.

      3) They often have a photograph of a well-groomed young lady on the front page.

      4) Rowan Pelling (usually utterly trivial, but fun).

      5) Charles Moore (usually thoughtful and considered).

      6) Jeff Randall.

      And that’s about it. Quite often not worth 90p.

      Since most of us now get our news from radio, TV and internet, the printed media are having to adapt, and they haven’t quite found the way yet. It would be a shame to loose them altogether, there’s nothing quite like sitting down with a mug of freshly-brewed coffee for a good read of the Saturday Telegraph for a bit of time out from a hectic schedule, and the larger sheets of paper are a considerable advantage when you need to protect the floor or a bench-top during shoe-cleaning or hosehold painting operations. And how are we going to get fires going with no newspaper?

      Keep going, Telegraph!

      • 191
        NewGirl says:

        There is a diary of a dead soldier in DT today which made me sob.

        • 267
          The Admiral says:

          Aw bless, m’dear

        • 323
          tat says:

          a tory scum troll with a heart?
          don’t make me larf new girL.
          our soldiers are dying in Afghanistan because dogs like you and your party fully supported the new labour war party’s occupation of other peoples countries.
          don’t start turning the water works on now you fake bitch.
          tony blair and gordon brown could not have committed the war crimes they did without the assistance of the conservative ‘opposition’.
          too late for tears now you silly whore.
          TROOPS OUT NOW!

        • 393
          Osama the Nazarene says:

          Tat you are a Communist / Pacifist troll.

          We are not in Afghanistan as an occupation force. We are there to rid that country of the Taliban simpletons who follow the medieval mumbo jumbo spouted by the extremist Wahhabi Muslims. These simpletons allowed the dangerous multi millionaire extremists from Saudi Arabia to set up training camps for the extermination of western civilisation.

          The idiot dubya Bush knew this when he sent in those cave busting bombs to bomb these bastards into the stone age. Unfortunately he was then hijacked by the neocons who persuaded him that he could avenge daddy’s misfortune in Iraq and forgot all about Afghanistan.

          Fortunately Barry Obama knows that the Taliban have to be tamed and he has helped the Pakistani government to wipe them out in Pakistan and is sending large US troop reinforcements into Helmand.

          Our contribution is just a fig leaf to legitimise the US drive and we should not kid ourselves. Nevertheless our brave boys are doing a wonderful job in helping the Yanks to protect our free way of life. Their lives are not wasted but they would be if we left Helmand without completing the job.

          If the scum of Al Qaeda were to obtain access to nuclear weapons we could all say bye bye to our way of life, you pacifist numpty.

        • 440
          Susie says:

          Indeed NG so did I.

          The Telegraph have championed Help for Heroes and got what was quite an obscure charity onto the national agenda. A good paper. Their obituaries are about people who really mattered too. Not so many of the gripping divorce stories nowadays, which is sad.

        • 551
          thick as thieves says:

          osama, never mind all your pathetic, incoherent propagandist bullshit you fucking communist, let us stick to the point.
          gordon brown has sent our troops under-equipped and underfunded into a slaughter house.
          not only did the traitor do that but he then compounded his criminally reckless error by sending an under-equipped and under-funded force on a summer offensive.
          it is as if the vampire wants our soldiers to die. what a blackmagic c’unt, eh?
          TROOPS OUT NOW!
          what do you have to say about that?
          you are such a gobby c’unt I am sure you must have an opinion.

      • 294
        Adrian Prole says:

        The obits page is usually quite interesting, especially the lives of those who fought in WWII. It can also be very humorous regarding those who led eccentric and colourful lives.

        • 324
          Master Baiter says:

          A generation of heroes:
          1945 general election results
          Labour 49.71%
          Conservitudes 36.2%
          Liberiberibull 9.04%

          Labour 393
          Conservitudes 197
          Liberiberibull 12

        • 345
          Winston C says:


          I would be very careful if I were you.

          It was a government of National Unity to fight a common foe but the Labour party still should hang its head in shame at some of the antics it got up to in the war years. At the end it could not wait to seize power given that someone else had sorted out all the problems beforehand.

          I think I have a feeling of deja vu as nothing really changes with Labour whatever name they brand themselves as.

        • 358
          Master Baiter says:

          Two words:


      • 434
        barefootcontessa says:

        You forgot the crosswords, … how could you? The obits are uplifting too.

        • 438
          barefootcontessa says:

          AP, just noticed your comment re obits. Great minds think alike, or, small minds never differ?

        • 442
          Susie says:

          About WWII, two words: Harold Wilson.

        • 509
          Engineer says:

          barefootcontessa at 5:34pm – erm, yes, fair comment! (I still can’t hack the cryptic crossword, but obits – yes, a definite omission on my part.)

    • 41
      backwoodsman says:

      Same here, totally misjudged their core readership and found blair – just when even non-commited readers were waking up to the fact that the fucker was just a snake oil salesman with an insufferable wife who hated everything DT readers stood for !

    • 61
      Man on the Clapham omnibus says:

      Shows my age but the DT was before the Barclays, always referred to as the Daily Belly Laugh!

    • 337
      Aaron A Aardvark says:

      Its standards have dropped through the floor. They referred recently to a Rottweiler’s jaw as being “well strong”, and the other week I saw the first occurrence of a DT journo using “their” instead of “there”.

      They’ll be writing in txt spk b4 u no it.

      I’m not paying 90p for that. Not unless they hold a prize draw to allow one lucky reader to shoot Bryony Gordon in the head at point-blank range.

  3. 4
    Mr Timney says:

    Good Point- I wonder how many more similar situations exist. We know all the dead tree press are losing millions…

    • 9

      Arguing and emotionalism is a waste of time and money but that’s something people can reflect on in their own time.

      I’ve found the whole affair to be an unedifying spectacle but if people needed to go through that to be reminded of better ways it will have been useful.

      In time, the potential improvement in politics is a considerable gain if people seize that vision. Thus, the Brown Doctrine triumphs even in our darkest hour. Hurrah!

      • 12
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        “[LabourList is] a mirror of a collapsing government being run over by an opposition with a free pass. Wake up.”
        Charles Hardwidge @ 5:07 pm, Wed 8th Apr 2009 on LabourList

        “Also, I’ve been singled out and am being impersonated on Gudio [sic] Fawkes blog. My content is being ripped off and some guy is trashing my name. ”
        Charles Hardwidge @ 4:20 pm, Thu 4th Jun 2009

        • 17
          oldrightie says:

          and some guy is trashing my name. ”
          Charles Hardwidge @ 4:20 pm, Thu 4th Jun 2009

          Not that difficult, Miller!

        • 49
          Anonymous says:

          i know it was me wat started it

        • 63
          Julie Thompson says:

          It was me ! Honest!

          Like – Charle E Sandwich I’m a ‘nobody’ but like Charles – with this blog – I can be anybody

          Today – I shall be Jule Thompson – until 6 o’clock – when I revert to Charles E Hardwinge – Come 10 pm? – I’m anybody!

        • 317
          Anonymous says:

          Must be your bad karma Charles.

      • 20
        Anonymous says:

        Can you ban this jackass? These seem to be just automated replies which aren’t even vaguely connected to the topic or the prior post, some of them are basically incoherent, others are clearly propaganda, and hundreds of people feel compelled to reply telling him to sod off.

        • 29

          Untangle your mind, open your heart, and you might understand.

          See what a nice guy I am? I’ve told you the secret to happiness.

        • 57
          Reg511 says:

          Dear Charles,

          Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance. Each year for the past fourteen, I have made a tour of Scotland and the North West, including Manchester, Liverpool and Glasgow and occasionally I visit Wales, to give a lecture on the evils of drink. On this tour I have been accompanied by a young friend and assistant, David Powell. David, a young man of good family and an excellent background, is a pathetic example of life ruined by an excessive indulgence in alcohol.

          David would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform whoozing and staring at the audiences through bleary, bloodshot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing wind and making obscene gestures’ whilst I would point him oout as an example of what drinking could do to a person.

          Last summer unfortunately, David died. A mutual friend has given me your name and I wonder if you would consider taking David’s place on my next tour.

          Yours in good faith,


        • 71
          What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

          Charles – pot, kettle…. Collapsing government…..

          Open your mind. And the wind will rush into the vaccuum.

      • 326
        Charles Hardwidge (Tory: 1st Class Anus) Troll alert Tory Troll alert I am a tory says:


        • 461
          The UK is becoming East Germany circa 1976 says:

          Do you imagine such trite name calling, classwar drivel, actually amounts to anything in this day and age?

          If socialists, even ones as awful as this bunch, want to shore up labour parteh support, you would be far better off over at the B&P site where most of your working class former followers are evaporating to.

          They dont much care for your parteh anymore, employing little middle class, shitty pretend, internet classwar warriors like you, is one of the reasons why.

        • 554
          thick as thieves says:

          I am winning and you are losing.
          chatter chatter chatter the clock is ticking and we are heading towards a hung parliament.
          I am happy and tribal partisan c’unts like you will be sad.
          oh and if you do not like this place then why don’t you fuck off elsewhere.
          you dopey fucking wanker!

      • 542
        Sarge says:

        So please answer the questions:

        Why does Gordon send British troops to die without adequate equipment whilst at the same time promising billions for various overseas projects?

        Is he a stupid bastard, or simply a hater of all things British?

        Why does he celebrate our ‘mission’ in Afghanistan which has given Afghan women the freedom to walk the streets without having to wear the burkha,whilst at the same time celebrating the wearing of the burkha in the UK as a symbol of multiculturalism?

        Is he confused or devious?

        Answer some real questions for once and spare us your usual waffle.

    • 15
      oldrightie says:

      Get back to your porn, Timney.

  4. 5
    nabidana says:

    Charles E Hardwidge @ 1: You should cut out the boiled sweets mate.

  5. 19

    I generally think the reporting of the realities of this issue has been very poor. The media have done very little to scope out the real range of issues and how the law matches them, and been a bit too quick to latch onto any straw that casts a negative light on the government.

    Be still, grasshopper.

    • 22
      What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

      Collapsing government.
      Opposition being given a free pass.
      Ring any bells?

    • 36
      Postal Vote says:

      Indeed the reporting on the realities has been poor and hardly explaining the UK’s dire fiscal position:

      -Hardly any coverage of the OECD’s estimate of the UK’s strucutral budget deficit of 100 billion pounds per annum, or 4,200 pounds per person working in the private sector. This is the structural deficit that will be there after recovery, i.e. the deficit unburdened by a recession, the fantastic legacy of Brown’s 10 years in Nr 11.

      -The UK’s total budget deficit of 240 billion pounds next year equals 10,200 pounds per person working in he private sector.

      -The government debt will hit 100% of GDP in a few years time, 63,800 pounds per person working in the private sector.

      -All the above excludes the funding deficit of public sector pension funds, which seom estimate anywhere between 2/3 to 100% of GDP, or between 42,500 pounds and 63,800 pounds per person working in the private sector.

      Add the debt and public sector pension funding deficit together at the lowest estimate for the latter yields 106,300 pounds of burden per person working in the private sector, or 14.2 years of income tax at an assumed effective rate of 30% on the median UK wage that stands just below 25,000 pounds.

      And we haven’t discussed PFI liabilities yet.

      Cheeriu – glad to have left the UK!

      • 96
        Observer says:

        The real pain only starts shortly after the next General Election. Whenever that may come….

        • 162
          Postal Vote says:

          Election this autumn:

          -Before lots of tax and duty rises come into effect next financial year

          -Before the pre-budget, hence avoiding an official but probably misleading update on the state’s finances and spending and revenue targets

          -Before the BoE stops QE and gilts start falling as there are no overseas buyers of them

        • 176
          Gormless Gordon & Reichschancellor ( in-waiting and waiting and waiting ) Balls says:

          It will take wild horses to drag us out of Downing Street before June 2010 and even then we may barricade ourselves in with some cyanide pills

    • 74
      Little Black Sambo says:

      The cracker-motto, fortune-cookie style is infuriating. Is that why you do it, to annoy?

      • 249
        Doctor Mick says:

        Something to brag about to his elitist mates in the union bar. I really fucked their little tory minds today! It was mildly funny, this parody of a Labour apparachik, but after about 500 posts, the joke wears thin. Guido’s blog hit stats must be doing great though.

        • 332
          Charles Hardwidge (Tory: 1st Class Anus) Troll alert Tory Troll alert I am a tory says:


        • 335
          Tit for Tat says:

          Caps Lock Key to the left of your keyboard TaT. Try it.

        • 368
          TAT says:


    • 91
      jgm2 says:

      Very funny. Troll.

    • 445
      barefootcontessa says:

      Push the boat out and eat 2 opal fruits Charles.

  6. 21
    mad fred 2 para retired says:


    I am sure it is just a typo, but the underlying message is probably what the BBC is insisting on behind the scenes:

    “In the near future the BBC is urging the Bank of England to expand the scale of quantitative easing well beyond £125bn”.

    Troops Out.

    • 107
      Abolish the Licence Fee says:

      “In the near future the BBC is urging the Bank of England to expand the scale of quantitative easing well beyond £125bn.”

      What the fuck has it got to do with those c’unts? Who the fuck do they think they are??

    • 178
      ERRATA says:

      That’s the BCC doing the urging, not the BBC.

  7. 25
  8. 26
    SS says:

    Any Hedge Fund Guys/Bankers here know the story of the USD/JPY manipulation? Any rumours would be interesting.

    • 58
      Anonymous says:

      It’s at a 3 month low yes, but still in the middle of the range for the last 12 months. Nothing especially unnusual, just wondering why you’ve asked the same completely offtopic in about 5 threads now?

    • 235
      McGroom says:

      Japan has spent the last 20 years trying to re-inflate their economy after a financial crisis following overburdening debt. The stock market is still 77% below the peak made in 1989!!!!

      They have had fiscal stimulus packages, printed money and are still borrowing money while central government debt is 170% of GDP!!!

      have a look at http://www.safehaven.com/article-13892.htm which should tell you everything you need to know.

      I am always reminded of Henry Morganthau Jr. (FDR’s US Treasury Secretary), who said in 1939 of the failed fiscal stimulus packages during the Great Depression that “never in the history of the world has there been a situation so bad that the government can’t make it worse.”

  9. 28

    Would No 10 have a problem if a petition were created, on their abysmal site, to have Brown taken to Dignitas?

  10. 30
    silver surfer says:

    Gave it up Guido the last straw was the attack on you. I don’t always agree with you but the article was disgusting, so after 30 years I dumped it.

  11. 31
    Jethro Q. Walrus-Titty says:

    Mr H, can your Hardwick touch your anus?-then go fu~k yourself!!

  12. 32

    The following made me grin today. General Lord Guthrie of Craigiebank (former Chief of the Defence Staff) and General Sir Richard Dannatt (Chief of the General Staff) are begging for helicopters and two thousand additional combat troops to fight in the bitter war in Afghanistan, but fortunately for us Gordon Brown knows far more about conducting military campaigns than any mere career general.

    I grin with delight and shout for joy when I remember we are led by Gordon, a courageous hero on a par with Nelson, Wellington and Montgomery, all rolled into one.

    Because gallant Gordon took the big decision to send to war far fewer troops than the know-nothing army insists it needs, there will be far fewer troops to be killed by the Taliban. The Tories and Lib Dems just don’t get this, and nor does the army. Brave Gordon is giving the big and important message that he will not be distracted from his important mission by know-nothing generals whose only experience of war comes from fighting on the battlefield. By making the big decision to send no additional helicopters in the foreseeable future, clever Gordon is also reducing the military’s carbon footprint. Gordon is saving the environment, as well as money, men and the world. No other important world leader would (or could) be so bold.

    As everybody knows, Gordon is both a hero and a military genius. We’re all behind you, General Gordon, Sir!

    • 35
      Alchy Ada "Does Brown hate me because I'm a lush?" says:

      Well said, and you forgot to mention that having Brown in charge makes life so much easier for some

    • 131
    • 243
      an assassination is urgently required says:

      I didn’t bother to read your post as i already know your a stunning example of what is commonly called a ‘labour troll’.
      I’m just wondering how much do you get paid out of the public purse to spout socialist propaganda allday?.

      • 460

        an assassination is urgently required..
        You should have read it. Its a pastiche Hardwimp, and a good one.
        The real Charles_E_Coyote is busy working on Timechief. A PS3 game where players go back in time and change historical cock ups.
        Mission one is to prevent Gordon becoming Prime Minister by having Blair grow a pair and booting the brooding Gollum out of the treasury when he cuts the helicopter budget in 2003.
        Failing that players have a knuckle duster option.

    • 312
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      I agree, Brown has Wellington’s contempt of the common man (scum of the Earth), Nelson’s one-eyed outlook, and Monty’s denial of reality when he refused to accept that there was a Panzer Army regrouping round Arnham.

      • 352
        Anonymous says:

        First, The grouping together of these three figures is bizarre to put it mildly. A better way to view it is that it makes no sense. Subsequently drawing an analogy between them and Brown is nonsensical. Third, there was no “Panzer Army regrouping.” There were two divisions of 9th and 10th SS Panzers. And it’s Arnhem not “Arnham.”

  13. 34
    • 38
      Bowden Broken PPS to Gordon Brown says:

      It’s all lies

    • 45
      Doctor Mick says:

      Campbell again.

      • 121
        Master Baiter says:

        Dick to Mock


        • 236
          Doctor Mick says:

          Gallipoli was in the First World War, numbnutz. You can use Google but can you understand the results?

        • 449


          What does this mean? Is it a random word or are you making a point. If its some point I’m afraid its been lost on me. Would you like to explain further?

        • 545
          Sarge says:

          Sarge to Dickhead. Try minimal research before being making comments.

          The Dardenelles was no joke,which you might just grasp had you read one tiny fraction of the published accounts.

          You have no right to mock anyone,as you are an apologist for New Labour and a crap one at that.

  14. 37

    ### Charles_E_Hardwidge ###


    • 39
      It's all Balls says:

      Woof woof

    • 43
      postal Vote says:

      Don’t worry Charles, I’m on your side and expect Brown to get a hung parliament thanks in no small part to postal votes. It will certainly shorten the time over which I will make money expecting gilts to sell off once quantative easing stops and a government that is unwilling and unable to get the government’s finances back in order.

    • 48
      Angry Voter says:

      I have been around shit like you too. I shat my nappy just after popping out of a womb, realised that wasn’t a decent idea and stopped doing it after a while.

      Suggest you move on and stop soiling yourself every time you open your fucking mouth.

      Fuck off already.

    • 73
      What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

      “Don’t lecture me on the internet, boy. I’ve been at this game way, way longer than you. If you think drowning out trolling creates a good environment for discussion you’re wrong. All it does is drive ordinary people away for the sake of page hits. This experience has been consistent across newsgroups, forums, and blogs for 20 years. Labour List is nothing new or special.”
      Charles Hardwidge @ 4:20 pm, Thu 4th Jun 2009 on LabourList

      • 199
        Inside the mind of Charles E Hardwidge says:

        * wind * far-off chapel bell * tumbleweed rolls across stage *

  15. 44
    Underlying Health Condition says:

    I am getting on with the jobbies, focussed on the people of Britain day and night too. Nurse!

  16. 46

    [...] Guido: Telegraph Losing £200,000 a Week [...]

  17. 47
    The F'Lying Scotsman says:

    don’t question me, I wrote the book on courage

  18. 51
    Kingsize Twix says:

    You have failed the practice citizenship test.

    Questions answered correctly: 15 out of 24 (63%)


    shit……I am gonna get kicked out?

    • 64
      jgm2 says:

      It’ll be like every tick-box Labour exam. You won’t have to have a wide knowledge of the subject just very narrow and cherry-picked knowledge that has been identified as politically expedient. A working knowledge of English and a ‘Letts Revise Citizenship’ past questions would see you scoring 23 or 24 out of 24 by this afternoon.

      There will however be an expensive course of books, tutorials etc etc from an ‘approved’ supplier who will, purely co-incidentally, be a Labour donor, spouse of a prominent Labour activist/donor or some combination of the above. These materials will be made available via suitably generous council grants and overseen by suitably qualified (Labour voting) facilitators etc etc.

      It’s just cash for passports.

    • 66
      Angry Voter says:

      Is it coz u is a whitey?

    • 72
      Charles Flaccidwidger says:

      I’ll be going too – 13 out of 24. Not sure how relevant most of the questions regarding are though.

      • 86
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        15 out of 24. Damn. Or good. Whatever.

        What would make good questions for such a test? That actually say something about life in the UK?

        E.g. Spitting is to be encouraged at all times and in all places. Answer TRUE or FALSE.

        • 207
          See You Next Tuesday says:

          15 right, but who thought of these questions? So I can stay. Too late unfortunately, I’m leaving in September and taking an advanced skill set and business with me. The UK ain’t what it used to be.

          Toodle pip.

        • 208
          summer_Breeze says:

          ” Questions answered correctly: 13 out of 24 (54%)

          Time taken: 03 minutes 47 seconds ”

          looks like I’ll be spending the afternoon packing then. lol :-) Will we be entitled to £1500 when they kick us out?

    • 130
      Angry Voter says:

      Fuck me, 14 questions correct. Makes me proud if some Labour Hunt had a hand in setting it though.

      As What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes said, why the hell didn’t they include questions about what is and what is not acceptable if you live here? Fuck the Euro bollocks and prescription crap. Whoever did the window dressing for that ‘test’ needs shooting.

    • 134
      Stateless says:

      I failed, too (45% correct). Despite being born and raised in the UK and having lived there until I emigrated 3 years ago, I am obviously not suitable for citizenship. Just as well I’ve already fucked off, then, since presumably I would have been required to remove myself anyway (got to make way for a fresh wave of immigrants!)

    • 159
      Alien8n says:

      15 here as well.

      Is it just me or are most of the questions totally and utterly irrelevant?

    • 201
      stun says:

      12 here. 50%, or enough for an A*** at GSCE.

    • 228
      Man on the Clapham omnibus says:

      Who won World War II?

      Who came second?

      • 231
        Master Baiter says:

        USA, West Germany

      • 233
        French history books says:

        France won WWII.

        • 238
          French history books says:

          Nobody else. Just France. Everybody was in the Resistance. The whole of France. We did not provide handy lists of Jews to the Germans. hell no. Not us.

          France was emphatically not garrisoned by a couple of regiments while 30 entire German armies were fought to a standstill by the Russians.

          Allons enfants de la …. etc etc

        • 253
          Master Baiter says:

          Actually your drippy sarcasm inadvertently has made a point.
          France is not occupied.
          France has a genuine independent nuclear arsenal.
          UK has, well, aircraft carrier and early warning post status.

        • 261
          French history books says:

          Yes. And the UK has the most fuckwitted Prime Minister in recorded or indeed mythical history.

          But this is not purely the cause of the great De Gaulle. You have elected this fuckwit Brown’s fuckwitted party three times in succession. You deserve the blitzkrieg of economic imbecility you have brought on yourself. In the meantime we, in ze glorious France, enter this recession with a fiscal surplus you Scot-lead economic nincompoops..

          Allons enfants de la ….

        • 284
          Doctor Mick says:

          Baiter that is Seventies Trotskyite speak. You need to update your material.

    • 329
      Mary Hinge says:

      Failed. 14 out of 24.

      I think I’ll emigrate to Lanzarote. I very much enjoyed my visit there (I was careful
      to avoid the chavtastic resorts). The tax rate is 5%.

    • 528
      Bzzzz says:

      Another failure.

      Does this mean I get a free ticket to New Zealand? Please?

  19. 52
    Scorched Earth says:

    Thank Christ Guido is laying into the Dead Tree Press instead of grovelling at the feet of one of their worst offending editors pretending they weren’t up to their neck in illegality.

    Still, even these dinsosaurs got a the biggest political Scoop in recent times that Guido and the rest of the bloggers dined off of for many weeks.

    Murdoch let’s remembber, turned it down.

    And it made the McBride Scandal look like laughably small beer in it’s wake.
    Good to see there’s no hard feelings then Guido old fruit, eh ?

    • 85
      Anonymous says:

      Scorched earth rewrites history. Because of the widespread backlash against the Telegraph’s spoiler on the McBride story and its criticism of Guido, the Telegraph had to do something to try and stop thousands of readers cancelling subscriptions and stopping buying the paper; so the Telegraph paid for the expenses discs. Never would have happened without Guido.

      • 112
        Scorched Earth says:

        And I thought Softwidge was delusional.

        Presumably the Telegraph also forced Rebekah Wade to try and get the Expenses Disk on the cheap and lose the story. With their mindbending hypnopowers no doubt.

        Yoy’ll pardon me but most of the Telegraphs subscribers are still trying to cope with the horseless carriage so old are they. So the idea that droves of them would give a f*ck about Guido is hilarious.

        The Telegraph bought the Disk because it was a massive political story.
        End of.

        • 129
          Master Baiter says:

          Please don’t conclude any comment with the despicable and irritating expression, end of.

        • 136
          Scorched Earth says:

          Softwidge is a twat. End of.

        • 170
          jgm2 says:

          Yep. That’s about the strength of it. Good story well worth a few quid. Couldn’t buy that amount of advertising for that kind of money.

  20. 52
    Johnny Norfolk says:

    If you compare todays DT to when say Max Hastings was editor. The Times going Tabloid, The leftie FT.

    There is a great opening for a serious right of centre newspaper.

    • 105
      resurgemus says:

      Even bigger opening for a right of centre financial paper.
      I can’t bring myslf to buy the FT – complete shit since Balls and his mates worked there.

  21. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Guido, are any of the dead tree press currently making money?

    We know the Indy is almost dead, and the Grauniad will be once all the non-job ads disappear soon.

    I’m surprised that the DT is losing money, although 8 million is small change to the Barclays.

    The Times circulation is also down year on year, so who is still making a profit??

    ABC figures in a nice table at:

    • 59
      Steve Expat says:

      How did I turn anonymous all of a sudden?!?!

      • 370
        TAT says:


        • 372
          TAT says:


    • 126
      Scorched Earth says:

      Newspapers worldwide are under pressure and have been for years.
      But more and more of them are now crumbling under that pressure.

      Sooner or later the UK is going to lose a couple of titles as they are all trying to do journalism on the cheap in a crowded cut-throat marketplace and more often than not it shows.

      • 474
        barefootcontessa says:

        They’re fading chiefly because we are all swopping news on the internet including reading, (partially), newspapers on line. It takes time to read a newspaper thoroughly, and if you don’t read it from cover to cover you feel you are not justifying it’s expense. These days people aren’t as tribal as they used to be so it is more and more difficult to find one that reflects one’s point of view. I fear newspapers are unhappily almost redundant. Our culture suffers from addiction to pictures, and serious reading is passe’.

  22. 56
    Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Barclays Bankers= wankers
    Never ever trust twins
    Hoons all of them

    • 125
      Lexander says:

      Never trust twins – absolutely right. Once went to bed with a pair (Melbourne, 1964) and took months for the cock to recover. On a serious note: I have been reading the DT for so long that even the Brothers buying it could not put me off. I also fancy like fury that Gordon gal (what knockers). My wife would not tolerate me cancelling it either. Toodle pip.

  23. 60
    not auspicious says:

    The BBC are advertising on Guido’s site … does this mean that he’s going soft on them?

    • 93
      Steve Expat says:

      Doesn’t mean he won’t take their money if they offer it ;-)

      Maybe they’re trying to ‘persuade’ him to be nice – don’t think it will work somehow!

      • 108
        resurgemus says:

        Maybe if they they offer to put Toenails on top of his bonfire he may relent

  24. 62
    Hardwidge's Hemorroid says:

    Gordon Brown his government and those silly inept cheerleaders aka ‘Blairs babes’, (who are still demanding to be taken seriously) will have the sad sorry pride of place of being the very worst government ever.

    If any of them had an ounce (oops is that term illegal too?) of honor they would resign today.

    • 69
      jgm2 says:

      They have been weighed, they have been measured and they have been found wanting for the past 12 years.

      I don’t see why they would suddenly develop a conscience, principles and backbone today. Even a foetus manages it within 9 months.

      Pure scum.

  25. 65
    Mr Bags o' Cash says:

    It’s one thing bailing out the banks – I can see the need to maintain a fiscal capability. But subsidising politically biased newspapers? That’s a different things altogether…

    If it’s losing cash, we’ve underwritten the debt and it is not commercially viable (it may be politically viable, but that’s not the case here) then it should be allowed to collapse.

  26. 67
    Rexel 56 says:


    May I be the first to predict that McSnot’s decision to deny the General’s request for 2,000 extra troops in Afghanistan will be the act which finally consigns him to his political grave?

    Will Cameron force the truth out of him at PMQs tomorrow? Surely McSnot won’t lie about this one.

    Will John Hutton get up and sink the cnut?

    • 79
      jgm2 says:

      Brown will lie till the cows come home. And then lie until they fuck off again.

      The jury is out as to whether he does it deliberately or is his head so spectacularly fucked that he is able to believe a dozen impossible and self-contradictary thing simultaneously.

      But while it is just possible to believe that one person could be so fucked in the head it defies belief that an entire Labour party would stand there and watch him fuck up the UK so spectacularly with each passing moment of lunacy.

      And not one of them acts. Another 12 months of pay/expenses and pension contributions for me ‘v’ another 200bn quid down the shitter. And for all 380 of the fuckers they don’t give it a second thought. Yeah baby, another 100K for me.

      I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in divine retribution because if I did it would make it much easier to know that these fuckers would rot in hell. As it is I have to live with the fact that the glib fucking imbeciles will likely die of old age surrounded by their nearest and dearest instead of jumping around on the end of a rope which is what they so desperately deserve.

      And I’m not happy about it.

      • 99
        Ratsniffer says:

        Broon will do what he always does. Obfuscates by spewing out reams of meaningless statistics. He never gives a straight answer, he is incapable of it. His Stalinist mentality means all he can do is spew out tractor production stats whatever question is asked of him.

      • 114
        resurgemus says:

        Talking of Brown and cows, slaughter the fatted calf and buy veal.

        If the Brown’s won’t eat it, it must be good for you.

        British veal the nation’s new health food.

      • 476
        barefootcontessa says:

        But presbyterians don’t lie, do they?

    • 88
      Steve Expat says:

      Eight hearses going through Wooton Bassett later today, how many Ministers with the balls to turn up and pay their respects?

      Thought not…

      • 382
        Agent 99 says:

        I would like them to turn up, McLiar in particular and explain face to face to the families that the men had everything they needed for the job.

        NuLabour are just the utter scum of society and in one way I am gld they did not go as they would only have soiled the solemn occasion.

    • 100

      Cameron couldn’t force his way out of a damp paper bag. Fuck all of them in parliament.

    • 156

      And he should be joined by liebour (not quite so) armed forces minister, Bill Rammell who gave a new world low liebour performance here.

      Warning: Do NOT watch if you have high blood pressure.

    • 319
      Fubar_Saunders says:

      If only Rexel, if only….

      I think someone said on here last week, if Cam had been half as ruthless and brutal with Broon as he has been with his own grandees, he’d be an absolute shoo-in to No10. The man has missed so many open goals…. if I can continue the footballing analogy, fate has set up so many 6 yard box tap-in’s for Cameron over the last twelve months.

      I cannot understand why he still refuses to administer the coup de grace, for the sake of the nation.

      This lack of genuine anger on behalf of us voters makes me wonder whether he’s cut out for the job. The whole country is completely fucked off with the Golem and CMD must know it… so why doesnt he articulate it and channel it? Blair did it to Major, week-in, week-out at the same stage of the last Tory administration.

      I’m sure he’s a decent guy and all that, in as much as members of the political class can be, I dont see him as the megalomaniac that Golem is, but… is he the true inspirational leader we need? I need to be convinced and he aint hitting the target yet.

      Hutton being the turkey that votes for Xmas? The one NL Defence minister who had half a chance of being able to fill the shoes last ably filled by Tom King?

      Nice thought…. but highly unlikely to happen.

      Never mind. Three weeks to go and I’m outta here.

  27. 68
    Anonymous says:

    Possible quote of the day from Quentinn Letts .

    “All hang off the taxpayer like a cave full of vampire bats.”


  28. 70
    Slap the cloakroom attendant about a bit if she loses your coat says:

    Apologies for going totally off-topic, but how does it feel to be regarded as slightly less important in the world of the media than, er, Cheryl Cole?


  29. 76
    Julie Thompson says:

    Gordon Brown’s overwhelming incompetence is only exceeded by his bullying of his Ministers – what a total bloody disgrace!

  30. 77
    Observer says:

    “Newspapers” have never really been profitable businesses. They’ve generally been run to flatter the egos of their owners at no small expense to same. Anyway, who wants to read something that’s out of date by the time you get it, tries to tell you what to think and leaves your hands covered in dark smudges? Not fucking likely, thank you.

    • 119
      Engineer says:

      True, but you can’t use a radio, TV or computer to cover the benchtop when you’re painting something, or cover the parquet flooring when you decorate the hall. Neither can you kip behind them on the train.

    • 186
      NewGirl says:

      Or read ‘em in the bath. Or use them to light a fire.

    • 502
      Nearly Headless Nick says:

      The Telegraph is and always has been particularly bad in the residue it leaves on one’s hands after reading it – INK -= before you smart-arses say anything else!

  31. 90
    Hardwidge's Hemorroid says:

    As the official pain in Charlie boy’s arse I am best placed to be able to confirm that all who know him regard Charles hardwidge as a true pain in the arse – he is a Labour troll nothing more and nothing less. That is why he exists and that is what he does.

  32. 95
    Hardwiget's Nurse says:

    A bad night. Charles awake for most of it, frantically choking his chicken, with “spray” everywhere, and then when he did sleep lots of ramblings about Gordon, hard working families, and graphics fidelity.

    Then his breakfast ruined by breaking off half way through his kipper for another frantic bout of friggery when he saw a picture of gordon in his beloved Guardian. Care in the community is not easy, you know.

    • 123

      Jeez. And you waste your time writing this stuff?

      • 133
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        “…a mirror of a collapsing government being run over by an opposition with a free pass….” says Charles Hardwidge April 2009

        • 148
          jgm2 says:

          I’m not bothered a bout a collapsing government. They deserve to collapse and be ground under the tank-tracks of 40 million irate voters and the weight of history.

          I’m far more concerned about the collapsing economy and his fuckwitted governments approach to it. Ie printing exponentially increasing amounts of money.

  33. 98
    MP Quiz says:

    Who’s favourite breakfast is Chocolate Ready Brek?

  34. 102
    Sir Michael Shite's rent boy says:

    Perhaps the Telegraph needs to go left wing and get a slice of the Guardian advertising money from the Government. Just lick the shit of Gorgon’s arse and suck his cock like the Guardian does and hey presto, problem solved.

  35. 109
    john says:

    I’m not surprised the Telegraph’s ailing. The editor Will Lewis is a drinking buddy of Balls and McBride and it shows in the coverage, which is often sympathetic to New Labour.
    The Telegraph is not the BBC. It doesn’t have to pretend to be balanced. It has lost a lot of its core readership, who find The Times increasingly pro Cameron.
    An ex-Telegraph reader, I find the Indie is much better these days, although it seems to be losing more money than any of them.

    • 193
      Fells Point barfly says:

      Since I cancelled daily delivery of the Telegraph late last year, for all the obvious reasons, they have been calling me, and writing to me, to restart the subscription. Each time, I tell them why I cancelled, but they just don’t get it. Even the mention of the unmentionables (Mary Riddell, etc.) is seemingly not understood.

      I’ve also found that it is cheaper to buy rolls of decorator paper and plastic for all the painting jobs, when needed. B&Q always have it on sale.

  36. 115
    Master Baiter says:

    Murdoch’s News Corporation lost six billion last year but who’s counting?

    • 146
      Booga Benson says:

      You are, evidently.

    • 150
      jgm2 says:

      Maybe the governmnet should step in and buy it and have The Sun print something nice about that jackass Brown. Apart from ‘Gordon Brown still not dead – millions disappointed’ which is what I would run as a headline every day.

      • 489
        barefootcontessa says:

        Stop Press. Mr Bean is touring the country giving financial advice………….
        No wonder we’re having money troubles!

    • 177
      Doctor Mick says:

      6 bill is chuck change to Rupert.

    • 547
      Sarge says:

      I suggest Murdoch

  37. 116
    The Master says:

    So how are Guardian Media’s losses compared to Telegraph’s? On the basis that the Guardian is a known mouthpiece for NuLabour, does that mean that the Telegraph is now in this stable Guido? One thing both papers have in common is that they do their best to minimise their tax liabilities. It sounds as though there is a sprinkling of Common Purpose magic dust flying around……

  38. 117
    Ratsniffer says:

    By the way why doesn’t the Telegraph try a simple experiment? Revert back to being a proper Tory paper for a month and see how it affects the ratings. Being Nulabour Lite is always going to be a loser, all the lefties read the Guardian and they are never ever going to swap to the Telegraph.

    Start with an editorial denouncing Snotty and Labour as being a national disaster, sack those handwringing lefty hacks – pack them off to the Grauniad where they belong – and get back to your core readership.

    Win new readers by updating some of the features to appeal to people younger than 65. It’s not difficult.

    Now get on with it and report back to me in a month.

  39. 124
    Sir William Waad says:

    Newspapers try to write about everything, so any individual reader isn’t interested in most of the content. Then, what they do write is refracted through the lumpy lens of journalism. If you’ve ever seen something happen and then read about it in the paper you’ll wonder whether you were really there at all. The Telegraph will go the way of the telegraph.

  40. 128

    My award-winning research into graphics fidelity taught me that hard work, confidence and the long-term view pays off big time.

    Is that so difficult to understand? Less mouthing off and more focus on being a better person and you’ll quickly see Britain start to improve.

    As usual, the Tories just don’t get it.

    • 132
      jgm2 says:


    • 138
      What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

      “Perhaps, Labour didn’t do enough but when you’ve got such a closed minded shower of guttersnipes like the Tories opposing you at every step because their moral compass is broken waddya do? In spite of the economic crisis and public demands the Tories still haven’t changed and are soft-peddling Turbo-Thatcherism. I’d like those pompous and grinning twits to be busted for fraud they are.

      Showtime. ;-)”
      Charles Hardwidge @ 7:10 am, Fri 29th May 2009 at LL

      • 144
        jgm2 says:

        He really is a cast-iron fuckwit.

      • 188
        NewGirl says:


        • 258
          What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

          And I still have more lovely examples of What He Really Thinks! So every time he posts, I’ll post himself back to him. Until he goes away.

          Btw I used to be PT Barnham. I am now a crippled pensioner with a mission. Be afraid ;)

        • 415
          NewGirl says:

          Oh PT! Def buying you pints. Puiblic service all through your life…

  41. 135
    Scorched Earth says:

    A future of churnalism, hastily reworked AP and Reuters copy and reams of P.R. guff pretending to be News awaits those Newspapers still alive after the ever increasing loss of Advertising and classified small ad revenue guts them completely.

    Real News costs. Celebrity pap and opinions don’t .

    • 143

      All the rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.

      Ecclesiastes 1.7

      • 149
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        Courtesy of N&Q from the Guardian, in answer to What is the best way to die?:

        If by best you mean painless, a nuclear bomb would do the trick. Your nerves would be fried before they had a chance to register surprise with the brain.

        Charles E Hardwidge, Bristol United Kingdom

      • 158
        Scorched Earth says:

        The sea certainly isn’t as full of shit as you are Softwidge.

      • 180
        I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:

        god said unto moses come forth, but he came fifth and won a teapot.

      • 219
        Charles E Hardwidge says:

        That was not the real Charles E Hardwidge – this is. I suppose I should be flattered by you people aspiring to be me – the most sincere form of flattery, after all. But it hurts. Despite my god-like intellect, my involvement in the wholly mystical graphics fidelity and the fact that I experience satori every day before breakfast, sometimes twice, it does hurt. I’m human too, you know. Albeit a better, more enlightened kind of human than you.

        • 257
          Doctor Mick says:

          When did Buddhists start feeling superior to their fellow humans?

        • 399
          Charles E Hardwidge says:

          I am a superior Buddhist, as evinced by my dazzling prose and great contribution to computer gaming, graphics fidelity. In fact, I have long suspected that I am, in fact, the true reincarnation of the Karmapa lama. I’m clearly a better candidate – for one thing, I don’t like hip-hop. I’m more of a Paper Lace man myself. But you wouldn’t understand.

        • 409
          Master Baiter says:

          Dick to Mock
          Ask the Tamils.

        • 491
          barefootcontessa says:

          Karma lite?

      • 533
        talamunji says:

        Yes; but GIVEN TIME – as should befall you.

  42. 140
    Liebour the stalinest party. says:

    I just listened to the chair of the trustees of the bbc. It didnt say anything but the bloke sitting on it said something along the lines that the bbc licence fee could become part of general taxation, then all media types, including the deadwood newspapers could be entitled to funding? This means the govt could use the fund to prevent the guardian from going bust, for example .

    A dreadful thought, but thinking ahead, would blogs and websites be entitled to funding too? Guido you want some?

  43. 145
    £94K BBC Ladyboy says:

    “the cost of living has fallen again. in June the Consmer Prices Index stood at 1.8% down from 2.2.% in May.”

    • 154

      Until some tosser ‘realises’ their Excel is ‘fucked’ and it has to be revised upwards, after the headlines have been made you understand.

      • 161
        jgm2 says:

        Yep, thanks to a one year late ‘realisation’ it seems we entered recession at the same time as everybody else and not ‘later’ as bragged by the liar Brown. Still, the lie was repeated for a full year before being allowed to wither.

        No doubt a similar ‘error’ will be made closer to election time which will allow Brown to claim that we are now officially out of recession thanks to the 400bn quid he borrowed and printed over the last 2 years.

        Vote Labour.

      • 164
        £96k BBC Ladyboy says:

        sorry MITS, I was pointing up the fact that the nation’s state broadcaster put out a headlining bulletin on ‘the fall in the cost of living’ when the presenter – some sundry jockess/southern ladyboy – doesn’t understand that a fall in the rate of price increase is not an absolute fall in the cost of living. we know that this is deliberately done from above at the BBC(they cover themselves the RPI figure later, in case of legal challenge) and put into the mouths of overpaid buffoons to say to gullible muppets, i.e. the consumers, not citizens of the UK.

        sad fuckup of a country. no integrity or value left. can’t wait to leave.

    • 155
      jgm2 says:

      RPI negative. Prices falling. House prices still in freefall. Mortgage approvals still at (near) historical lows, unemployment booming and will get an even bigger ‘kicker’ when this years graduate cohort hit the official unemployed register. Government spending out of control. Private company workers being asked to take 10% paycuts and unpayed holidays.

      Nice work Gordon. Remind us again – what the fuck were you doing this past 12 years while this nascent shit-storm was gathering pace?

      Borrowing and squandering hundreds of billions of pounds? Really? And how did that work out? Really? And your ‘cure’ is to borrow and squander hundreds of billions more and print 150bn quid this year?


      You really are a fuckwit aren’t you.

      • 172
        Anonymous says:

        And yet I still hear some refer to him as a financial genius. My god they must be really barking.

        • 174
          jgm2 says:

          These things are relative. Gordon Brown might be a fucking imbecile but he only needs to be smarter than the average Labour voter to get 21% of votes.

          A very low bar that only the truly fuckwitted can limbo beneath.

        • 194
          Alien8n says:

          He’s been labelled a financial genius because he handed all the real economic decisions to the Bank of England. He then rigged the inflation figures by removing housing from the costs and fiddles the CPI. The only things he actually had any control over was public sector spending, which he has proven over and over again that he’s totally incompetent at.

          There was a very good BBC article once that looked at a 1970′s measure of inflation, the loaf of bread. Because a loaf of bread is one of the simplest things to measure, it’s effectively just wheat and transport, it matches inflation very closely. Guess what? Inflation between 1997 and 2007 was actually running at close to 10%, not the 3% lie that we were given. Which makes sense given that I’ve seen my grocery bill over double in the last 10 years with almost no change in what I actually buy week to week.

  44. 152

    ### Charles_E_Hardwidge ###


    • 157
      jgm2 says:


      • 165
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        “Brown isn’t anywhere the temper throwing control freak I am but even I know when something isn’t up to par and someone else is better left to handle a speciality they do better. Brown really needs to cool the bluesky waffle and delegate better. His natural authority would rise and his party would get behind that. I’m pretty sure government would start doing a better job rapidly and the country would get behind that.”
        Charles Hardwidge @ 10:15 pm, Wed 29th Apr 2009 at LL

        • 173
          jgm2 says:

          More horseshit from Charles. Brown doesn’t delegate which is why the entire economic, social, legal and ethical framework of the UK looks like a giant clusterfuck after 12 years of his idiocy.

          And now that it is so comprehensively fucked that even he (Brown) has to scramble around looking for foreign governments and internal sabateurs to blame he still proclaims with that lob-sided glibly fuckwitted leer of his that he is the man to ‘fix’ it.

          He needs a 5c fix.

        • 198
          exon says:

          I’m calling Poe’s Law on Twitwidget. Nobody is that stupid.

    • 160
      Blake's7 says:

      I wish they would fuck off an be equal somewhere else. I’m think on a live volcanic island or the moon for example.


      Labour is a party of corrupt opportunistic Dumbo’s who offer opportunities to anyone who is of no value to the country.

    • 167
      mad fred 2 para retired says:

      Except for the English.

      You are an apologist for war criminals.

      Those 18 year old lads who are being flown back to Great Britain with honour today individually displayed more courage in their short lives than your unmandated Prime Mentalist has shown his entire life.

      Defending them makes you scum.

    • 184
      an assassination is urgently required says:

      yeah opportunity if your anything but white English and from the south.Go boil your head you nonce!

  45. 153
    Judy Scribble says:

    blue language is not clever

    • 168
      S.Dali says:

      bollocks, suppose your prefer Hunting red.

    • 182
      Engineer says:

      I’ve told you before, just ignore it. You don’t have to use it yourself – it’s not compulsory. I try not to use it unless I’m really peeved. Or drop something heavy on my foot….

  46. 166
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:

    Any one know how much money the unions have given or donated or lent in any shape or form to the Labour party? I am absolutely convinced though that they would never have received any thing in return would they?

    • 179
      Engineer says:

      The UNISON (or UNITE- or whatever it’s called) gaffer was rumbling a few weeks ago about the donation to the Labour party being in doubt unless public sector jobs and wages were protected. It’s gone quiet in public since, but I’ll bet there’s some serious talking going on in private.

    • 538
      albacore says:

      You can find Labour’s balance sheets and accounts and details of donations on the Electoral Commission’s website.

  47. 169
    nell says:

    140.I don’t think the Guardian is going bust just yet.

    True it, in tandem with it’s sister paper the Observer, lost £25million last financial year (but what do you expect from such a rubbish paper) and it is proposing to cut a quarter of the jobs at its Guardian Print Centre to cut its operating costs.

    It’s losses however are offset by its sale of 50% of its share in AutoTrader – in 2007 I think – for £335million. That might keep the Observer runnning at a loss for a few years yet.

    • 171
      Angry Voter says:

      Are people still buying cars, new or otherwise?

    • 175
      mad fred 2 para retired says:

      What about the slush fund that Labour siphons in their direction with Public Sector job ads?

      I notice that there were 62 pages of non jobs in the public sector in last weeks Grauniad – the taxpayer funded mouth piece for Champagne socialists.

      If the Grauniad & the BBC really knew what the armed forces thought of them they would be alot more respectful.

      • 185
        nell says:

        It’s to be hoped that the tory govt next year will not only be cutting back on govt non-jobs but also advertising the remaining govt jobs on their own website – thus dispensing with the Guardian altogether.

        That should help to cut into the guardian reserves a bit more heavily and bring them to a quicker end.

        Of course the guardian could always try an alternative strategy of being less hostile to the tories and producing more baanced reporting – in the the hope that the tories will keep their advertising revenue going. Let’s hope not!

        • 189
          Anon says:

          A skunk never changes it’s smell.

        • 192
          Engineer says:

          On the plus side, the Grauniad is as good at soaking up oilspills as any other paper, though old copies of the Telegraph have the edge, being larger. As for reading said Graun – don’t know, never bother, still less pay for it.

          (P.S. Nell – It’s happened again, I should really get some work done!)

        • 197
          Steve Expat says:

          They’ll be gone next year, what a shame. Their main source of revenue is those non-job ads. As nell says, why don’t the govt just advertise on their own websites, would save millions in public spending and ensure that another Liebour mouthpiece is silenced.

          I wonder who’d employ ‘sir’ Michael White and Polly under a Tory government?

        • 224
          anonymous says:

          I think it would be fun to tie Michael White’s feet to a lamp post and then pull him as far as possible, stretching him beyond his limits, then letting go – doooiiiinnnnngggggggggggggg

        • 395
          Agent 99 says:

          I heard they owned Auto trader and while that makes money Guardian will survive. Sad if true but scocialism is like a cockroach infestation.

          Bloody hard to get all the little bastards at the same time.

  48. 181
    Anonymous says:

    The Flying Scotsman is to be re-named in order to honour Gordon

    At last, Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign.

    His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a
    railway locomotive after him. So a senior civil servant – ‘Sir Humphrey’ -
    went from Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate
    the possibilities.

    “They have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names,” a
    specially-sought consultant told the top civil servant. “Mostly, however,
    they are freight locomotives.”

    “Oh dear, that’s not very fitting for a prime minister,” said Sir Humphrey.
    “How about that big green one, over there?” he said, pointing to a beautiful
    train numbered ’4472′.

    “That’s already got a name” said the consultant. “It’s called the ‘Flying

    “Oh. Couldn’t it be renamed?” asked Sir Humphrey. “This is a national museum
    after all, funded by the taxpayer.”

    “I suppose it might be considered,” said the consultant. “After all, they
    did rename a number of their locomotives after directors of the company, and
    even renamed one of them Dwight D Eisenhower.”

    “That’s excellent”, said Sir Humphrey, “So that’s settled then ..
    let’s look at renaming 4472. But how much will it cost? We can’t spend too
    much, given the expenses scandal!”

    Well, said the consultant, “We could always just paint out the ‘F’”

    • 196
      Engineer says:

      Hmmmm…..Old, noisy, polluting, prone to breakdown, needing constant attention to keep it going and not particularly well-liked by the people who have to operate it (in comparison to others) – yes, not a bad association of man and machine!

      • 217
        genghiz the kahn says:

        also costs a fortune to maintain, the machinery is clapped out, the repair bill is over budget and there is no source of income either.

      • 247
        Be gone Gordon! says:

        Couldn’t resist a little photoshop on an old BR poster tee hee !



      • 527
        barefootcontessa says:

        Engineer, thanks for comment about swallows. The swallows are markedly down in nos from last year.. Have bred well, on 2nd families, but will not nearly catch up on usual years. Worrying, at end of season there are usually over 100, this year probably c20. ( SW France). Greetings on Bastille day! Went to see the Tour today,…..Fantastic! 180 pairs suntanned legs, and courage far beyond those pansy cricketers! (This post a little light relief from political intrigue, forgive me Guido?)

    • 204
      R.McGeddon says:

      > In London an aged priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had
      > faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for
      > his nurse to come near.
      > “Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
      > “I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Chancellor before I
      > die”, whispered the priest.
      > “I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.
      > The nurse sent the request to Downing Street and waited for a response. Soon
      > the word arrived; Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Darling would be
      > delighted to visit the priest.
      > As they went to the hospital, Gordon commented to Darling, “I don’t
      > know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly will help
      > our images and might even get me re-elected Prime Minister. After all,
      > I’LL DO ANYTHING TO BE RE-ELECTED”. Darling agreed that it was a good thing.
      > When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Gordon’s hand in
      > his right hand and Alistair’s hand in his left. There was silence and a
      > look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
      > Finally Gordon spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen,
      > why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end ?”
      > The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life
      > after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”
      > “Amen”, said Gordon. “Amen”, said Alistair.
      > The old priest continued, “Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would
      > like to go the same way.”

  49. 200
    Scampi Nik Nak Sack says:

    now, can somebody tell me the difference between a chocolate orange and a blood orange!

    • 214
      Richard Timney says:


    • 290
      Sir William Waad says:

      Yes, you’ve never had some kid in WH Smith make me feel angry and sympathetic at the same time by trying to flog you a blood orange when all you wanted was a copy of Heat.

  50. 205
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Blair should be charged with fucking treason:

    “In an interview on British Armed Forces Radio yesterday, the Prime Minister said: “If commanders on the ground want more equipment — armoured vehicles for example, more helicopters — that will be provided. Whatever package they want, we will do.” And in an article for The Sun, Mr Blair went further, stating: “[British forces] will get, I promise, whatever front-line commanders tell us they need to complete their job.”


    • 209
      jgm2 says:

      There is precedent for this. The UK government declined to send timely reinforcements at the behest of the Scottish fuckwit, Alexander ‘War of Attrition’ Haig, during WWI. Nobody faults the UK government for that particular decision since the general feeling was that they had rather carelessly appointed an absolute nutcase to Field Marshall.

      However the growing chorus from the military that they should be given the men and materiel to do the job does suggest that this time around the fuckwit again hails from Scotland.

      For all that Scotland proclaims its history of engineering invention it also has an equal and opposite history of political and military idiocy.

      • 221
        nell says:

        Callous disregard for the lives under his care and throwing away the lives of soldiers for too little gain . Sound familiar?

        Obviously brown has read Haig’s autobiography and decided this is how you wage war.

        • 227
          jgm2 says:

          Do you think, rather like Haig in later years was wracked with guilt by his imbecile trench warfare tactics giving rise to the death of the cream of a generation, that Brown’s monumental economic idiocy will finally dawn on him?

          Do you think there will ever be a Gordon Brown Debt Day so that we can remember 60 million lives thrown into disarray and trillions of pounds squandered as a constant reminder never to vote Labour again?

          We could have Solvency Sunday with solemn wreaths laid before the Bank of England by Liberal, SNP and Tory politicians. We could have a two-minute silence to remember the sheer economic auto-destruction of a single Caledonian clown. He’d probably think it was a compliment.

        • 229
          Sir Real says:

          What this country needs is mission creep, send more troops to get entangled and killed.
          India is occupying Kashmir with a force of 700,000 troops.
          How many British troops would it take to occupy Afghanistan successfully?
          Why don’t you sign up for Karzai’s army. Go on help them out.

        • 541

          Not when you got twats like labour’s armed forces minister Bill Rummell – see for yourselves here

      • 223
        Penfold says:

        Governments have prevous in this country of starving the armed forces of equipment and men.
        Plus ca change.
        But, we now have an unpopular PM, 24 news coverage and the good people of Wootten Bassett, who are high-lighting the fact that no firkin minister or apparatchik can be bothered to go to Lyneham and see the relatives and say something or at least greet the dead.
        Scum, a pox and plague on ‘em all.

    • 412
      Agent 99 says:

      The lie is well and truly outed here by a soldier on the front line ‘walking a tighrope’ he once said. He’s dead now by the way KIA.

      Labour are just complete Hoons.


    • 496
      barefootcontessa says:

      Surely you didn’t believe in what that blair said? That god loving fake.

      • 583
        celt says:

        God loving fake? Did not Pope John Paul ll tell him in Rome not to go to war (PUBLICLY)!

    • 548
      Sarge says:

      Hey this is a Blair promise -never going to happen

  51. 206
    Desperate Dan says:

    I like this Labour claim that Coulson “should have known” what his underlings were up to. The list of things Gordon Brown “should have known” about is as long a several arms.

    • 211
      Sunonmars says:

      its hilarious, by that account Brown must have known what Macbride and his cabinet were up to. So which is it, total incompetence or bald face lying.

      • 220
        Master Baiter says:

        There were payments by News International to private investigators for hacking phones and blagging medical records, those payments were authorised by the Editor, Coulson.
        However in the eyes of the electorate they are repulsed even more at the revelation that David Cameron has employed as his press secretary, the former editor of the News of the World. What a shocker!

        • 237
          Blake's7 says:

          In your dreams wanker, the electorate is only thinking of one thing at the moment, GE. The removal and destruction of Labour. You could catch Dave have sex with a Hippo and the electorate would not raise an eyebrow. Get it? This is a shit smear by a shit newspaper, Brown is fucking up everyday, in fact there is so much Brown poo flying around it is no wonder that it is sticking on to other people.

        • 268
          Anonymous says:

          MB, if your bunch had the faintest idea what repulsed the electorate, you wouldnt still have that stupid one eyed jock megalomaniac in charge.

          The whole country fucking hates him.

          Hasnt it got through your fucking thick skulls yet?

        • 276
          Master Baiter says:

          Reality is a problem for many people, not least you.
          Cameron has a former editor of the News of the World as his press secretary, get that through your numb mind. The News of the World is a filthy rag.

        • 286
          Sir William Waad says:

          There is more joy in heaven over one sinner that repents, than over ninety-nine righteous persons.

        • 293
          Doctor Mick says:

          And the Labour Party comprises a bunch of filthy shysters. At least the News of the Screws has not sent ill equipped young men to their deaths in illegal wars.

          Your duplicity is truly shocking. For shame you Hoon.

        • 330
          resurgemus says:


          you should listen to MB, imagine if one of our Prime Ministers had made an ass of himself to the Murdoch press we’d end up as the laughing stock of the world


          Cherie says size matters ( her salary presumably )

    • 215
      Penfold says:

      And that the Grauniad has used very dubious means in the past to get stories and has dobbed in civil servant whistleblowers who have gone to jail.
      It’s all a left wing conspiracy to get even after McBrides scalp and the recent Tory successes and spate of defections from the Cabinet.
      Brings back marvellous memories of the FuhrerBunker during 1945.

      • 242
        ERRATA says:

        Should the penultimate line read, ‘ and spate of defecations departing from the Cabinet ‘ ?

    • 266
      Doctor Mick says:

      Coulson did not know what his underlings were doing but he did nonetheless accept responsibility for their actions as a honourable leader would do. He resigned. By contrast Brown knew full well what his dirty tricks department were up to and yet was quite prepared to deny and throw them to the wolves to save his own skin. Who would want to work for such a man? Who would want to be lead by him?

      His only legacy, for which I suppose we should be thankful, will be to consign the Labour Party to the dungheap of history. Fuck off and never come back. Roll on next Summer.

      • 285
        Master Baiter says:

        McBride was charged with no crime as no crime was committed.
        Coulson was charged with no crime but crimes were committed.
        Coulson participated in the crimes.
        Cameron knows Coulson was involved in criminal activity.
        Worse than that Cameron knows Coulson was editor of the News of the World.

        • 291
          Conservatives for Coulson says:

          We don’t care if he’s a son of a bitch,he’s our son of a bitch.

        • 295
          Doctor Mick says:

          Fucking liar you have no proof only spreading smears for what would be convenient for the Labour Party shites to believe.

          The public don’t give a fuck when they are facing redundancy and watching coffins of young lads roll off the planes.

        • 307
          Master Baiter says:

          Get over it.
          Coulson edited a filthy rag and now works for the Conservitude party, what more proof do you need?
          Probably half the electorate think McBride worked for Coulson who now works for Cameron’s Conservitudes.

        • 309
          Master Baiter says:

          Coulson edited a filthy rag and now works for the Conservitude party, what more proof do you need?

        • 314
          Voice of Half the electorate says:

          Half the electorate think they’re all turds in the same midden

        • 342
          Tin Cunliffe-Arsely says:

          Was McBride employed to elminate opposition against internal party rivals?

          Underhand, stalinistic, and you just love it.

        • 373
          Voice of Half the electorate says:

          Half the electorate think they are all floaters in the cesspool of politics

        • 375
          Master Baiter says:

          McBride is an idiot who used his offical email account to indulge in lewd gossip in the face of a Conservitude PR operation run under a well known hacker and blagger, Andy Coulson previously of the filthy rag the News of the World. Now that is thick.

        • 378
          Voice of Half the electorate says:

          The other half are awaiting moderation

      • 321
        resurgemus says:

        MB always loves a good AC\DC story

        • 418
          Anonymous says:

          alistair campbell [bliars attackdog] once wrote pornography MB .pots & kettles

    • 497
      barefootcontessa says:

      The Guardian is proof-lite.

  52. 210
    nell says:

    O/T Sorry. But I must confess to being irritated by the govt’s strategy to panic the masses over the flu.

    andy b*rnham the health Minister is today ‘urging us to keep calm and not panic over the swine flu’ Has any of us noticed our neighbours in hysterics over this subject yet?

    The Guardian is trumpetting the message that “swine flu is going to bring the UK a halt” – my message to them – you come to a halt if you want to but our household has to keep going whatever.

    And Laim Donaldson is warning there be will be more deaths of healthy people. (Did I reach the flu outbreak has reached no.10?)

    Why is this Labour govt trying so determinedly to panic people and politicising a flu outbreak? They’ll fail – the english are stoic we simply cope with whatever comes.

    But whilst we are on the subject whatever happened to the 120million doses of anti-flu injections that they were ordering for 60million people? (Maths is not their strong point is it?)

    • 225
      Master Baiter says:

      Ahh! Nell’s childless, adopt or even better foster, give something back Nell, you only get one run round the track.

      • 244
        Doctor Mick says:

        Bit rich coming from a poof.

      • 288
        The Admiral says:

        Don’t you just hate some bastards…..

      • 355
        Tin Cunliffe-Arsely says:

        Thats very unpleasant. I wonder how many years it will take you to realise quite how low and unpleasant that attack was. I think it needs saving for prosperity.

        Guido? See that one. keep it safe.

        • 367
          Master Baiter says:

          Perhaps tin pot you meant posterity
          Anyhow it’s a serious point, it is panic inducing that young healthy kids are vulnerable, ask Guido, he’s a breeder.
          Adopting or fostering is a wonderful thing to do for others.
          You know, give, or are you a mean spirited devil take the hindmost Conservitude?

        • 379
          Tin Cunliffe-Arsely says:

          yeah, I tuyped to fast! (But on the other hand perhaps he can sell the story if you ever get into any prominent position).

          I’m right, you will never understand. You’re also a bit dim when it comes to my political positions.

          Note: I can see more hate speech from you. tut tut

        • 392
          Master Baiter says:

          tin pot It’s ok it’s quite understandable that you’d be embarassed to be labelled a Conservitude.

        • 529
          Engineer says:

          Master Baiter

          Your comments are way out of order – you need to pay more attention. If you had been, you would know that Nell is not childless, she is a working mother, and one of her children, following negligent healthcare, is disabled.

          You may consider an apology to Nell appropriate, when you get the chance.

        • 555
          thick as thieves says:

          yeah, nell is the only decent tory here for fucks sake.

      • 574
        Master Baiting makes you blind says:

        MB: That’s really nasty to Nell. Suggest you crawl back into your shell and stay there.

    • 232
      Steve Expat says:

      Why is this Labour govt trying so determinedly to panic people and politicising a flu outbreak?

      Civil Contingenies Act 2004 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_Contingencies_Act)

      Passed in the wake of Sep 2001, this Act basically allows Cabinet Rule to be imposed in the event of a “National Emergency” and almost any law to be suspended at the Government’s request (such as the one mandating an election next year, for example)

      • 241
        jgm2 says:

        You do wonder at what point the intellectual Labour supporters will finally twig that this government is an enemy of truth and democracy don’t you?

        • 250
          Steve Expat says:

          What I really do wonder is how this point has not been passed already – surely anyone with half a brain can see that the country is completely fucked up??

          Does anyone believe Gordoom & Co over Mervyn King, the IMF, OECD, World Bank and now General Sir Dannatt??

      • 280
        Sir William Waad says:

        The best cure for the flu is self-employment.

        • 524
          See You Next Tuesday says:

          * applause * mixed with resentment.

          We don’t want these swines clogging up the surgeries and spreading it to each other and to the healthcare personnel. If you believe in Tamiflu or vaccinations (most of us don’t), phone in. If you’re non-believers, get yourself some 1-3, 1-6 beta glucans. They seem to be very effective in protecting against flu, swine or otherwise.

    • 245
      Eve Ryman says:

      I don’t see any stories about swine-flu running out of control in other countries, so why exactly should something that started in Mexico be such a big deal here in the UK ?
      Has the bug been deliberately released here ? Is that why the Mexican president paid us a visit recently ?
      Perhaps we should in future refer to it as the Brown Plague.

      • 364
        Tin Cunliffe-Arsely says:

        “I don’t see any stories” Basic lesson in media studies required for you. Were you wasting your time at school doing something like physics?

        More seriously – probably to do with patterns of holidaying.
        More deaths in Australia. (+ more likely places like canada, argentina,USA).

    • 500
      barefootcontessa says:

      These ‘no good’ ministers are just trying to look masterful, when in truth they’re wading knee deep in shit. Anything for a good diversion.

  53. 213
    Penfold says:

    And lets us not forget that the Barclay brothers are tax exiles on their own little island in the Channel.
    Tut, tut, Gordo financing tax dodgers, now there’s a story……..

  54. 230
    boulay says:

    just heard bradshaw on radio 5 claim that the election is “labour’s to lose”.

    labour are fcking lucky that there is an inbuilt bias against the tories otherwise they would be totally wiped out.


    • 234
      Steve Expat says:

      Eh? If it’s anyone’s to lose then it’s surely Cameron’s. Latest Guardian poll has Con 42 Lab 27 LD 21…

      • 248
        jgm2 says:

        Labour? 27%? Who are these fuckwits? One in four of the population is a mean-spirited, intellectual fuckwit with the mathematical ability of a grapefruit?

        Say it ain’t so.

        • 255
          Steve Expat says:

          http://www2.politicalbetting.com/index.php/archives/2009/07/13/and-the-july-icm-numbers-are/ – True I’m afraid :-(

          How many people in public sector non-jobs or on “benefits” are there? I would say that there is a strong correlation between the two numbers…

        • 256
          The Wasp says:

          Well 27% must account for Liverpool, Newcastle and 12 years worth of asylum seekers.

        • 265
          What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

          Wasp, you forgot Hull, SHunthorpe, large parts of Sheffield and the Sarf and East of London.

        • 273
          Charles Flaccidwidger says:

          “One in four of the population is a mean-spirited, intellectual fuckwit with the mathematical ability of a grapefruit?” A category that is over represented in the cabinet then.

        • 274
          jgm2 says:

          How thoroughly depressing. 27% of the population believe that the correct way to award a party that has spent 12 years destroying the entire economic, social, ethical and legal framework of the UK is to vote them back into power?

          Are there really that many Al Queda folk in the UK?

          Al Queda don’t need to bomb the tubes. Another five years of this bunch of economic fuckwits and beserkers and we’ll be in Mad Max territory.

        • 281
          No Change says:

          And 42% believe Cameron has the answers?
          The Blair effect is alive and well.

        • 292
          jgm2 says:

          The ‘Blair effect’ has just become President of the US.

          Boy, are they going to be disappointed.

        • 297
          Gordon Brown says:

          27% percent of the population work for the Government. By 2015, 63% will work for the Government (that’s me, Gordon).

          Double plus good!

      • 251
        Blake's7 says:

        Yeah so translates to 48 Tory, Lab 13, Lib 22, Other 17. The guardian is so unbiased :-)

      • 260
        Master Baiter says:

        41, 27, 20, other 12

        • 311
          Dr Ian Gibson says:

          Any idea what the Norwich North figures will be on 23rd July? Are you expecting to hold the seat, MB?

        • 348
          Mr Slater's Parrot says:


        • 401
          Steve Expat says:

          Politicalbetting have the Tories something like 12/1 ON to win Norwich North. Not even worth puting money on them. The bookies seem more interested in whether Liebour are going to end up 4th or 5th…

    • 283
      CCL says:

      why do these people get the airtime for their propoganda; bradshaw, ainsworth brown, they are not fit for purpose, the country is suffering as a result, we are a laughing stock.

  55. 252
    Judy Scribble says:

    you lot are worse than a bunch of drunken undergraduates, don’t you ever ask yourselves, is it time to grow up?

  56. 254
    Gordon Brown says:

    You voters make me tremble me rage! I’m working hard for GB with only eating the odd nose nugget to keep up my energy. I’ve overspent on the Armed Forces by 20p – up 200% from the previous year. I’ve made Ross Kemp the new Defence Secretary. Our fight against the forces of Eurasia will be triumphant! Big Sister Harperson is on course to eliminate the female orgasm by eliminating men and Southerners. I’ve introduced an internet tax to inhibit people’s access to free speech.

    For this I am delaying the next General Election until 2034 and cancelling the XMAS choco-rations.

  57. 262
    Anonymous says:

    the telegraph is fucked up like its readers…nasty paper for nasty people.

  58. 263
    Gordon Brown says:

    “Courage” by me. As advertised on Songs of Praise. Available at all good bookshops and Downing Street gift shops.

    • 270
      Charles Flaccidwidger says:

      Does it come on an easy to dispense roll?

    • 304
      jgm2 says:

      All part of the great delusionist’s fantasy of being compared to Churchill in the history books. Since the fucker clearly can’t draw or tell of his military career he’s invented himself as a man of high literature to ‘compete’ with the ‘Greatest Briton Ever’.

      Hence this risible book which Freud would have much to say about revealing, as it does, his deep desire to be considered courageous and brave while his whole political career is littered with examples of cowardice and betrayal.

      The whole UK is being used as a platform for one vile man’s enormous ego and the entire Labour party is complicit in allowing the imbecile to destroy the economy and then grandstand that he is just the man to fix it.

    • 308
      jgm2 says:

      All part of the great delusionist’s fantasy of being compared to Churchill in the history books. Since the fucker clearly can’t draw or tell of his military career he’s invented himself as a man of high literature to ‘compete’ with the ‘Greatest Briton Ever’.

      Hence this risible book which Freud would have much to say about revealing, as it does, his deep desire to be considered courageous and brave while his whole political career is littered with examples of cowardice and betrayal.

      The whole UK is being used as a platform for one vile man’s enormous ego and the entire Labour party is complicit in allowing the imbecile to destroy the economy and then grandstand that he is just the man to fix it.

    • 313
      jgm2 says:

      All part of the great delusionist’s fantasy of being compared to Churchill in the history books. Since the fucker clearly can’t draw or tell of his military career he’s invented himself as a man of high literature to ‘compete’ with the ‘Greatest Briton Ever’.

      Hence this risible book which Freud would have much to say about revealing, as it does, his deep desire to be considered courageous and brave while his whole political career is littered with examples of cowardice and betrayal.

      The whole UK is being used as a platform for one vile man’s enormous ego and the entire Labour party is complicit in allowing the imbecile to destroy the economy and then grandstand that he is just the man to fix it.

  59. 282

    Dear All

    I know who the Telegraph can be solvent.

    The run a national campaiign with George Osborne to set the Wallpaper Council of Great Britain.

    Once established and run by his family, the Wallpaper Council can tackle Britain’s social fabrics.

    Every house should look like a Tory brothel!

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

    • 300
      Doctor Mick says:

      Don’t give up the day job Georgie. Your humour is cringingly embarressing. Or maybe there’s a vacancy in the Krankies?

      • 398

        Dear Doc Mick

        The trouble with people like you is that you have no vision.

        Doctor by fuck?

        No, trolley dolly?

        I can buy into that.

        Yours sincerely

        George Laird
        The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

        • 493
          jgm2 says:

          Sorry for triplicate post. Just disappeared into space so reposted. And again.

    • 369
      Anonymous says:

      only good for tossing and alcohol

    • 374
      Sir William Waad says:

      I’m intrigued by the idea of a Tory brothel as opposed to, say, a Labour brothel. I imagine the first as being luxurious in a slightly spivvy way, with the girls working very hard and the owner making a fat profit. One day it would be sold off for development. In the Labour brothel you would have to queue (unless you were an asylum seeker) and all the girls would be paid the same regardless of effort, looks or smell.

      The LibDem brothel would be unsafe, apart from the vigorously inclusive AC/DC policy, because of the LibDem obession with recycling every little thing.

      The SNP brothel would seem all right after a few bottles of Buckie.

      • 459
        Kilroys guide says:

        In the Green brothel,they’re all veggies.
        Best to avoid anal!

      • 466
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        You’ve omitted any element of positive discrimination/quotas in at least two of those brothels….

      • 556
        Granma Wuffles says:

        Why would political parties want to get involved with running soup kitchens?

        (I’ll get me shawl ….)

  60. 287
    Anonymous says:

    And I see that Tim Nohope has stitched himself the Leadership in europe-a true Cameroon methinks.

  61. 302
    Sir William Waad says:

    The Telegraph crossword is just not as good as the one in the Guardian. “African country with no egg gets my vote” (7) ????

  62. 303
    michel de montaigne says:

    Guido, before we send Brown to an early demise he really ought to have something by which he will be remembered. I suggest ” Brown’s Law “!

    Start a thread for suggestions please.

    • 310
      The Wasp says:

      Brown’s Law: The act of wishing someone good fortune while dooming them to misfortune.

      • 318
        michel de montaigne says:

        good for starters

      • 320
        Charles Flaccidwidger says:

        Brown’s principle. The certainty that if an individual covets a job for years, once the job is acquired, he or she will be completely shit at it.

      • 419
        Groucho says:

        Brown’s Law states that the desire to perform a given task is inversely proportional to the ability to actually carry out that task.

      • 420
        Agent 99 says:

        Browns Inverse law of common sense

        If it aint broke…. FIX IT !

      • 429
        Groucho says:

        Brown’s Law states that if a Prime Minister surrounds himself with enough useless people, then a critical mass may be achieved such that the entire government collapses into a singularity of infinite density. From this so called ‘Brown Hole’, nothing sensible or worthwhile can ever escape.

    • 328
      wheredidmyjobgo- well Germany actually says:

      Brownian Motion. The skill of appearing busy, saying one thing and meaning another whilst actually doing *ugger all.

    • 338
      So17 says:

      Whether we like it or not Brown will be remembered. In 50 years time when the national debt is paid off the news channels will show a sepia photo of the cu*t that did it and the Chancellor of the new government will announce that at last Britain is free of this Zionist Crusader debt.

    • 349
      Groucho says:

      Brown’s Law: be careful what you wish for. That long yearned for prestigious job may just turn out to be a living nightmare where everything you do goes horribly wrong.

    • 386
      genghiz the kahn says:

      Brown’s Law. 1. Offer completely impractical solution to any problem raised by the tabloid newspapers in a bid to be seen as doing something. 2. To disappear almost without trace for days on end particularly when there are questions to be answered. 3. To turn up at sporting events to wish one side well, only to see them lose to their opponents. 4. to visit ot Old Trafford to see Man U lose at home to Man City. 5. To lead Labour on to destruction.

    • 405
      Dr Nuts says:

      Brown’s Law: Where all self-inflicted misfortunes started in America… or were the Conservatives fault.

      • 416
        Master Baiter says:

        If you include partially employed workers and discouraged workers who left the U.S. labor force, the US unemployment rate is already 16.5%.
        It’s a crisis, ok?

        • 575
          Man on the Clapham omnibus says:

          It is indeed a crisis that started in America and was fanned into blaze by American Banking methods and financial instruments being peddled in the City of London by financial executives who got huge commissions, selling paper that was triple A rated by American institutions but had no collateral value.

          American business practice has been rammed into Britain since WWII.

          Banks that originated as solid institutions changed their role from lender to speculator following the American financial philosophies with incredible leverage.

          This information would have been known to the Treasury and Chancellor but Banks were not cautioned re over-exposure during the pre-crisis period until Northern Rock and RBS et al.

          Now the Bank rescues (Nationalised Banks) are taking all of the available national credit to stabilise them, and leaving industry and the essentail services including the military and NHS without financial support.

          Essential to the economy private sector productive companies are going out of business creating unemployment.

          Whose fault is it?

      • 417
        resurgemus says:

        Not a crisis if governments actually address the real problems


        • 427
          Master Baiter says:

          It is a crisis and it did start in America and it’s getting more acute there and will here and all around the world.
          The crisis has not been caused by government spending, government spending is alleviating the crisis.

        • 433
          resurgemus says:

          Voters don’t think so

          Time for control on government spending, it is after all the voters’ money.

        • 441
          Master Baiter says:

          If you think that is the way to decide economic policy good luck to you. The result will be a massive spike in unemployment and the collapse of even more businesses and livelihoods.
          The financial system has broken down. Foreign banks have withdrawn commercial credit. The credit mechanism is being propped up by the government.
          It started in America, the contagion has spread throough out the world.
          Really, it has.

        • 444
          jgm2 says:

          That is a bare-faced lie MB. The UK’s crisis has been caused by UK government squandering. You know it. We know it. And we know that you know it.

          I don’t understand anybodies motivation for apologising on behalf of la-la-la-la-labourlands fantasy rewriting of the past decade of UK economic history.

          Denial won’t make the pain go away. This government is like an unrepentent alcoholic only they are on a debt binge.

        • 451
          Master Baiter says:

          You are unsurprisingly wrong.
          No economists or other reputable commentators agree with you.
          This crisis is unfolding right now, think about General Motors controlled by the US government.
          Think about the US banks under government control.
          Wake up you utter dimwit.
          It is a world wide financial crisis and it did start in America.
          Even Cameron finally admitted there’s a recession through out Europe.
          Try to catch up if you can.

        • 453
          resurgemus says:

          Try working in a private business.

          Workers, management have all taken pay cuts and are working longer hours for the privilege.

          Budgets are being cut back to save cash.

          In the meantime the government continues to push forward with pay rises, higher taxes, additional and unhelpful legislation.

          Government spending for spending’s sake is not the solution. the government needs to pull back from non-essential items – recruitment of highly paid non-jobs, pay rises for the public servants, an uncontrolled public pension deficit ( why should the low paid contribute more for civil service pensions than their own ), executives paid more than the PM to a quango, ID cards ( still spending ), £ 4 billion per year on consultants etc.etc,

        • 454
          jgm2 says:

          You can choose to blame capitalism breaking down if it helps you sleep at night. I blame a cynical opportunist pump-priming an economy with hundreds of billions of borrowed money and creating a million unfunded non-jobs and then letting credit expansion rip.

          This was understandable for George Bush because he is a de facto imbecile but in a country (the UK) that only 15 years prior had undergone a similar credit expansion and property boom/bust it is unforgiveable. Brown knew exactly what he was doing. Blair was supposed to get the first term, Brown was supposed to get the second term and the Tories were supposed to be landed with the bust.

          Blair reneged on the deal and the rest is history.

          But at least we all know where the blame lies. The cynical economic machinations of Gordon Brown.

        • 462
          jgm2 says:

          MB you are so far wide of the truth you’re not even wrong.

          How the US deals with its bust banks and bust auto industry is its business. Personally I would cut the auto industry loose just like we had to do in the 1980′s.

          Here in the UK we have replaced the Auto workers and miners of the 1980′s with a million box-tickers who add the square root of fuck-all to our lives but cost us 60 billion a year to keep in the manner to which they have become accustomed.

          They all need to be fired. Each and every one of them. Every single position created by the governemnt since 1997 needs to be given a P45 today. Either that or the entire civil service take a 20% paycut today.

          The solution is simple. But it would need a man of courage to articulate it and Brown is a coward to the very core of his being.

        • 464
          resurgemus says:

          re your comments to JGM2

          Actually many commentators agree it’s time to control spending. Try Mervyn King and probably Darling if he wasn’t afraid of his boss.

          The US government does not own Ford; GM went in to Chapter 11 as a result of it cost base which had been pushed up by the UAW. GM was spending $1500 of every car sold to fund pensions and healthcare for its former workers – a bit like the UK government today.

          The it started in America argument doesn’t work as it begs the question why didn’t it stop when it reached the UK ; that is down to the choices made by our government in the last 12 years.

        • 469
          jgm2 says:

          MB is right about one thing. It will get a hell of a lot worse. You cannot print 150bn quid and borrow another 200bn in one year alone and expect to come through with no casualties. We are officially fucked for years. The sick thing is that the government will not admit it.

          I’d even be prepared to let Brown away with his lies about ‘it started in America, it’s all the evil banks fault, it wasnae me…’ if the fucker would get a grip and come up with a credible plan for how we are going to address this.

          Printing a trillion quid and coming up with some fantasy numbers that Mervyn King has broke ranks to say are a load of shit is not the way to deal with the situation. The sooner we face reality the sooner we can start to fix it.

          But Brown, for cynical electoral reasons is going to push us unnecessarily another 200bn quid in debt this year just so he can tip the inevitable tough decisions onto somebody elses watch and then have imbecile apparatchiks swooning about ‘cuts’ to ‘essential services’ from the sidelines.

          As if they weren’t necessary in 2007 never mind 2010.

    • 581
      Jon Forest says:

      Brown’s law – that being utterly, totally crap at your job is no impediment to promotion if you lie well enough and often enough.

  63. 305
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’d just like to wish all our courageous troops the best of luck in Afghaniraq. I’m sending them all a copy of my book, “Courage” (available at all good bookstores) to inspire them.

    Good luck again boys!

    • 322
      Gordon Brown says:

      I forgot to mention: “as advertised on Songs of Praise”. Thanks BBC. You scratch my back….

      • 325
        Gordon Brown says:

        At least by underfunding the Army I can write a sequel to my book about “ordinary people” (unlike me, the Saviour of the World) dying horrible deaths in Afghaniraq.

        Available to buy from Amazon. Remember to add a nice comment for me!

        Love Gordikins.

      • 327
        Mandy's rent boy says:

        Mandy likes his back being scratched too.

    • 569
      Dr Feelgood says:

      In this section, Chelsea Pensioner has made some exceptionally good points and I thank him for it.

  64. 331
    nell says:

    I see the Queen sent her representative – Prince Edward – to RAF Lyneham – to pay her respects to the fallen eight that are being repatriated today.

    • 339
      Vote vote vote for Jacqui says:

      Is this the very same Prince Edward who pulled out of Army training when the going got too tough?.

      Should have sent AirMiles,he’s been to the Theatre.

      • 377
        P1 says:

        He pulled out of the Royal Marines, not the Army, so to speak.

        • 408
          Dr Nuts says:

          Oh come on, it’s the oldest saying in the armed services.
          Join the Army be a man
          Join the Air Force look a man
          Join the Navy feel a man!

        • 565
          Dr Feelgood says:

          RM training is probably the toughest in the world. I doubt many would succeed – fair play to the guy for giving it a go.

      • 467
        What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

        Join the Navy and feel a man?

        Not if you want to still BE a man the next morning, mate.

    • 340
      Anonymous says:

      Phew, thank God for that. I mean, without a Royal it just wouldn’t be the same, would it?

      • 371
        Chelsea Pensioner says:

        Eight of our service men were killed in action in Afghanistan last Friday. They died for Queen and Country. They didn’t die for a political party, whether in government or opposition; nor did they die for a specific political cause. They volunteered to serve wherever instructed by whatever government is in power. Serving the The Queen as head of the country’s armed forces symbolises a disinterested and selfless sacrifice. This is why all units of the armed forces have ‘Royal Colonels’ or their equivalent. Prince Edward is Royal Colonel of the 2nd Battalion The Rifles, five of whose men are being returned in coffins today. The armed forces respect their Royal commanders and patrons. I think it is an appropriate time for you to respect their loyalty and sacrifice.

        • 385
          Anonymous says:

          That you think it acceptable to state that these brave men died for the Queen is, frankly, nothing short of obscene.

        • 387
          Chelsea Pensioner says:

          You would prefer that they served Gordon Brown and Bob Ainsworth?

        • 426
          Agent 99 says:

          No he dosent mean that Chelsea Pensioner.

          These heroes died for the Queen but as a result of Bliar and McYellowstreak .

          Most people would prefer McYellowstreak and Bliar died for these hero’s as a result of the queen.

          Duty of care and all that…….

        • 519
          St George Spits says:

          Pretty sad you have to explain the obvious.

          I suppose history is no longer taught and the concept of service is alien to many people these days.

          If it was September 1 1939, would today’s UK even think of going to war to honour a commitment to an ally ?

        • 566
          Dr Feelgood says:

          @Anonymous: July 14, 2009 at 4:51 pm

          You stupid sod, forces serve HM Queen and swear oath to serve her.

          Chelsea Pensioner is quite correct and provides an excellent summary.

    • 341

      Wasn’t he the one who couldn’t hack the military, left early and thereafter became involved in theatre?

      • 344
        Vote vote vote for Jacqui says:

        Yes that’s right. He set up “The really use fulTheatre Company or something similar.

        Naturally,it went skint.

      • 347
        Anonymous says:

        He’s always had a role in theatre,having been in the cast of the long running soap opera,Westenders.

      • 350
        Ratings Winner says:

        And of course “Its a royal Knockout”
        Wish it was.

    • 343

      He’s Liz’s Personal Aide-de-Camp as well.

    • 351
      The Admiral says:

      What a bitchy bunch of Poofs you all are………..

    • 353
      Chelsea Pensioner says:

      Prince Edward is Royal Colonel of the 2nd Battalion The Rifles. Five soldiers from 2 Rifles were killed in action on Friday and their bodies are being repatriated today. Prince Edward is attending the repatriation at RAF Lyneham at the invitation of the Battalion.

      • 360
        Anonymous says:

        I think the complaints are against according such authority to a bloke who failed to complete his military training. His company went bust at least twice, too. And he has nothing to do with these brave, unfortunate men who passed away. That’s why.

        • 365
        • 366
          Vote vote vote for Jacqui says:

          Spot on,Anonymous.

          Should have sent Air Miles,he’s seen Argie Bargie Action,maybe not so
          dangerous as” It’s a Knockout though.” Grrrrr.

        • 567
          Dr Feelgood says:

          At least Edward tried to get Royal Marines commission – that in itself requires a degree of guts and commitment most of us wouldn’t wish to make. Almost impossible to achieve this for a person of normal physical capabilities and mental strength.

        • 571
          kick one they all limp says:


      • 380
        Chelsea Pensioner says:

        Prince Edward as Royal Colonel has no “authority”. He represents the Queen. His power, like the Queen’s, is symbolic. His personal history and service record is irrelevant. The “brave, unfortunate men who passed away” would have fully understood and respected this distinction.

        • 390
          Anonymous says:

          Prince Edward has much authority, like the Queen, whose power is far, far more than symbolic. His very presence is indicative of power. Quite how his record is irrelevant escapes me. One wonders if a politician with his record was sent as a representative: the uproar would be tremendous.

        • 391
          Steve Expat says:


          It’s not Edward the man that was there, it was the Colonel in Chief of the Regiment and the Official Representative of the Queen.

          Still not seen any Ministers (or Opposition Ministers) there though. Shame on them.

        • 402
          Chelsea Pensioner says:

          Why is it so difficult for you to understand the role of Prince Edward in this sad and dignified ceremony? The bodies of these soldiers were received by their bereaved families and an official party at RAF Lyneham. Do you think the widows and fatherless children objected to Prince Edward’s presence? No, he won’t have diluted their grief and sense of loss: no one will be able to do that today. But amidst the tears and numbed shock his presence will have been of some comfort.

        • 414

          “Do you think the widows and fatherless children objected to Prince Edward’s presence? ”

          Who said they did or even intimated as much? As much as it pains me to say this, there are no gold medals in the mourning stakes.

      • 384
        A Pensioner says:

        Chelsea Pensioner is correct. Its not the bloke (limp dick that he is) its his official status and what he represents, which is most appropriate on such a sad occaision.

        • 396
          Anonymous says:

          388. Chelsea Pensioner.

          What century are you living in? And why the fixation with serving? This is not Balaclava and the Charge of the Light Brigade. Kipling is dead and gone, I’m afraid. The military does not “serve” the Queen any more than it does a government. To suggest that it does is antiquated at best. It is a professional army and to most soldiers the idea that they are “serving” the queen would be laughable.

        • 406
          Master Baiter says:

          Serve is correct.

        • 425
          Chelsea Pensioner says:

          I am living, only just, in the 21st Century. Are The Charge of the Light Brigade, the Battle of the Somme, the Battle of Goose Green and the military operations in Helmand different in any material way except scale and date? I have read Tennyson and Kipling, also Owen and Sassoon, and many others. “The Poetry is in the pity”.

          There is nothing modern or “professional” about giving one’s life in war. Equally there is nothing “antiquated” in the concept of service.

        • 435
          Sir William Waad says:

          “Men sleep peacefully in their beds at night because rough men stand ready
          to do violence on their behalf.” (Orwell) In this ‘service to the Queen’ symbolises service to all of us, whatever our opinions of the war. If we win, there will many less murderous misogynistic fanatics in the power in the world.

        • 447
          Chelsea Pensioner says:

          Mr Anonymous, let us not fall out on this sad day. I do not glorify war, nor does any soldier who has experienced the battlefield. This does not mean we repudiate the concept of service nor do we disrespect the symbolic leadership of the monarch.

          If you really want to learn more about war and sacrifice may I suggest you read “The Great War and Modern Memory” by Paul Fussell. I must have first read it around 30 years ago but it is still in print. A little googling found it on http://www.amazon.com/review/R1G7U42CS1P6IT.

        • 468

          “f we win, there will many less murderous misogynistic fanatics in the power in the world.”

          Are you having a laugh? How come the borders are so, urm, transparent and have been for years? Letting in all and sundry, people from cultures that still live in the middle ages and behave as they do.

          What is going on in Afghanistan won’t stop anything nasty happening within our shores. It never will.

          Every so often a government appears to need to go to war to prove something. That they are still in the pay of weapons manufacturers is without doubt. I bet if LDV manufactured munitions they would be as safe as houses.

        • 517
          stilyagi_air_corps says:

          Rightly Anonymous:
          “Two thousand pounds of education drops to a ten-Rupee jezail…
          Valid as ever. He even wrote about ignorant, sheltered idiots like you: go look. And you thought your views were so modern! When push comes to shove, or worse, I think you’ll find that you are the dinosaur…

        • 522
          barefootcontessa says:

          Interesting serious discussion here. I abhor war. Trained soldiers are in an entirely different situation from conscripts. I don’t believe that we are in Afghanistan to defend our country. Politicians have changed their reasons to justify this war several times. Why? We’ve moved from poppies to insurgents.

          Only a few years ago the Americans and Britain were arming and sponsoring and training Ben Laden, his troops, and the Taliban to fight the Russian army. The present action will not succeed, and more lives
          will be lost, on both sides of the argument. There are supposed to be another ?c40 countries involved in this war, have they the shield of invisibility? .

        • 525
          Anonymous says:

          Man in the street; actually LDV did have a design for a battelfield vehicle, which was recognised to be superior to those purchased at Blair’s behest so that he could be a good European and advance the Constitution and its Presidency. See Chris Booker or Rrichard North for the full details. If order had gone to LDV, better vehicle, jobs saved maybe increased, and probably less deaths.

    • 394
      nell says:

      I’m just glad there was someone there representing the Queen. It doesn’t matter that it was Prince Edward or one of the other’s. What matter’s is that the sacrifice of those brave men is acknowledged by people in authority.

      And I think there should be a representative of the Queen there every time one of our young men is repatriated like this.

      I have no doubt brown, if he had his way, would bring them home as quietly and inconspicuously as possible and hope that the rest of us don’t notice. No doubt he’d prefer not to bring them home at all just do to them what they did to those men we lost in the last two world wars – just have names carved into stone walls in a foreign place and send the family a telegram.

      That must never ever be allowed to happen again!

      • 400
        Master Baiter says:

        Serious point.

        Can they (the media) please say ‘brought home’ or something similar instead of ‘repatriated’, which seems uncaring and sterile at best?

        • 410
          Chelsea Pensioner says:

          Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.

          Not said without irony, Master Baiter, but on balance I prefer to keep the faith.

          I also prefer repatriated but then brought home will do. Each to their own.

        • 421
          Master Baiter says:

          It’s Enoch Powell’s and others repeated misuse of the term ‘repatriation’ that creates the negative impression.

        • 430
          Agent 99 says:

          I never thoughyt I would agree with anything MB said but to this one point 100%

        • 455
          Chelsea Pensioner says:

          I see where you are coming from MB and I hadn’t made the connection you did with controversial immigration policies.

          My first reaction is to agree with you but the additional irony added by your connotation may just persuade me to prefer the latinate form.

          Multiple layers of meaning are always richer

        • 480
          Rant against the machine says:

          You make a good point there, so credit wheres its due.

        • 515
          Ratsniffer says:

          Agree with MB – they are coming home.

        • 550
          Sarge says:

          Bit late for niceties after they are dead. Perhaps a few ministers should ahve signed a few orders for equipment. Much better idea.

          Why did Blair close the only factory which could have made better armoured vehicles without re-tooling? Why did Brown not re-open it? Cheaper than Trident.

          Are they useless or devious bastards beholden to the EU?

      • 532
        Anonymous says:

        “And I think there should be a representative of the Queen there every time one of our young men is repatriated like this. ”

        Anyone still of the opinion that the Queen and her representatives have “no authority”?

        • 535
          Anonymous says:

          Chelsea Pensioner.

          As you have read Tennyson, Sassoon, Owen, Kipling et al, I am sure you are aware how all turned viciously against conflict, all it stood for, and those who sought and maintained it. Owen’s disillusionment is well known, as is Kipling’s, but Sassoon chucked his war medal into the Mersey. Indeed, “dulce et decorum,” a phrase now synonymous with Owen, is a bitter critique of war (Horace meant it, Owen was cynical)

          Fussell’s book is interesting, though he is rather an elitist as his work on class makes clear. His Poetic Meter and Poetic Form is certainly his best work.

          To assume that a “Royal presence” is divorced from any sense of authority need not detain us–such a position is too ridiculous to entertain, as is the Royal vs Brown issue, a laughable analogy. Authority underscores, endorses, inscribes, attempts to legitimise, whether the authority be Royal or political. That’s at the heart of this issue. I wonder if the Royals ever have occasion to reflect upon Owen’s ‘Greater Love,’ where the poet closes with the wonderfully evocative, “weep, you may weep, for you may touch them not.”

        • 559
          thick as thieves says:

          it is great to see all you tories finally join the anti-war movement.
          well done!
          despite your vulgar, selfish politics as you are still welcome.
          but you did leave it a bit late, didn’t you. johnny come lately!
          anyway, welcome aboard the anti-war movement.
          now let us get to work eh?
          TROOPS OUT NOW!

        • 570
          Chelsea Pensioner says:

          We are not talking about “authority” in the sense of the power to take decisions to prosecute war and to assume political responsibility for the consequences. The “authority” is representative. The Queen’s or an alternative royal presence implies the country’s presence, in essence every one of us, Tory, Labour. Lib Dem or whatever; male, female; child, adult and pensioner. It is a symbolic authority.

  65. 397
    Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Prince Edward is there on behalf of our Queen
    If I were in one of those wooden boxes I would much prefer him to salute me and see me on my way rather than have McMental or the Lord of the Lies sucking up to my family and pretending that they give a fuck.
    It also also takes a bit of courage to admit failure as he has.
    Something that the political scum seem unable to do.

  66. 403

    The EU Parliament opens for business today:

    • 413
      Ymca eu says:

      Why are the Village People carrying the flag?

    • 423
      R.McGeddon says:

      So, the English Parliament goes into recess on 21st July ( returning 12th OCTOBER ) and the European UberParliament opens for ( dodgy ) business. Farcical.

    • 437
      P1 says:

      Farage is right of course – the great Euro con-trick is on a roll. The political “elite” think it’sa all a great game, but the end result will be devastating and frigghteneing, when the ignored popular voice is finally heard. This will be very messy………..

    • 443
      Anonymous says:

      just whose soldiers were they? why did they soldiers to open the this undemocratic institution? They wonder the meps love the place, you can become a millionaire in five years, ask the kinnocks they know. Our governemnt sends youd lads to guy in foreign l;ands because there are no other jobs while brown and the other cabinet members live off the fat of the land from their expenses. NOTHING CHANGES AND IT NEVER WILL, TOO MUCH MONEY WEALTH AND POWER INVOLVED.

      • 448
        Master Baiter says:

        That’s why there was a Labour landslide victory in the 1945 general election. Almost nobody swallowed the Churchillian thing.

        • 470
          resurgemus says:

          until the next election

        • 479
          Infanta of Castile says:

          In 1945 people thought that it was time for a change – just like they do now

        • 505
          Anonymous says:

          u r a c u n t

          you thinks it funny ha ha to score political points for your masters. brown needs his arse licked so get down there now and u can be first in the queue.

          there will be trouble ahead heaps of it dont worry

        • 523
          stilyagi_air_corps says:

          There are some that still say that the past 50-odd years have been the nation’s punishment for voting out Churchill. Discuss?

        • 552
          Sarge says:

          My friend,when it comes to history you do not have a clue. Why should you? History only started in year zero (1997) did it not? Or has the party view changed? If it did start in 1997,you can’t blame the conservatives for the failings of the past 12 years can you?

      • 465
        Barmy EU Army says:

        Get used to those uniforms.
        They will be parading in a street near you as soon as can be ratified

    • 446
      Anonymous says:

      meps in here prostituting themselves for money

    • 457
      Anonymous says:

      what a waste all those millions of our soldiers who died in the 2 world wars, they needent have bothered, we now have this stalinest institution that no one wants. All those eastern european states, gone from one dictatorship and repression, straight into the arms of an alternative dictatorship. Run by france and germany. God fuckin help us all. THEY ONLY DO IT FOR THE MONEY, ALL OF THEM

      • 483
        Infanta of Castile says:

        I’d think that you were my mother except that she doesn’t have access to the internet and she would never use the term “fuckin”. Otherwise, she regularly tells me how she can’t bear to think of how people she knew died to safeguard a country and way of life that Gordon Brown and Tony Blair have destroyed through their lies, greed and messiah complexes.

    • 487
      Jonathan Woss says:

      Was it the Brüno première in Strasbourg?

  67. 407
    drakes drum says:

    nell makes the point that Brown would have liked the bodies to return home unnoticed!

    Perhaps that is why they have not used RAF Northolt! as they used to!!!

    If it wasn’t for three old comrades who happenned to notice a hearse go by with a Union Flag over the coffin. They stood to attention, in Wootton Bassett, and then they asked the RAF to notify the town when the next body was to pass through. So the excellent scenes we witness took over.

    Brown has never attended any of these scenes. To be fair to the man John Hutton did go to the town when soldiers came home in their coffins. That I respect.

    Brown and Col Blimp his former communist shop steward, now Secretary of State for Defence would not have the guts.

    Those two cannot sink any lower in my estimation. Traitors!

    • 411
      HM and Parliament should be there says:

      Bush stopped US press covering flag drapped coffins coming home.

    • 471

      Maybe Brown wanted to prevent traffic hold-ups on the A40. It might have adverse effects on the economy of GB plc.

      He even fucked that up.

    • 475
      Chelsea Pensioner says:

      Why not land them at City Airport and transport them on a barge up the Thames past the Houses of Parliament. Now that would be Churchillian.

      • 482
        jgm2 says:

        The only ‘Churchillian’ event to emerge from this debacle (ongoing) will be the delusioanl narrative in Gordon Brown’s fucked up head.

        The more I consider his constant references to Churchill in his Mansion House speeches and other places. His constant desire to be photographed with top tier world leaders in some bizarre Yalta style re-enactment and his bizarre hobby of writing books while he presides over the biggest economic fuck-up in UK history the more I become convinced that the man, in his own fucked up fantasyland, sees himself as the next Churchill.

        Saviour of the UK in its darkest hour. Never mind that we didn’t have a darkest hour before the idiot got his hands on the financial levers.

        I’m serious. Brown really thinks he strides in the shadow of Churchill. Statesman, historian, writer.

        Deluded fuckwit more like.

      • 486
        Anon says:

        That’s an excellent idea Chelsea Pensioner, City Airport must be missing a few slots what with the economy going down the pan, after all that is all they care about.

        It would really bring it home to the tossers quaffing their dirt cheap drinks on the Palace of Westminster’s terrace that it really is in ‘their name’.

      • 577
        Man on the Clapham omnibus says:


        Now that, would really be British “Pride” and “Respect” for citizens who gave all that they could for their country!

        They should be remembered with pride

      • 579
        Pontius The Pilot says:

        Trying to put a C17 down safely onto that tiny strip at City Airport??? And get the fecker out again?

        Now THAT’d be worth watching…

    • 563
      Dr Feelgood says:

      I don’t think Brown and comrade Ainsworth would be welcome – even as a gesture.

      If they had ever demonstrated leadership and unequivocal commitment to provide adequate resources it would be a different matter, but 12 years of underhanded duplicity cannot be undone in afternoon.

  68. 422
    Zippy, George and Bungle says:

    Any news of the Timmy and Geoffrey Show yet?

  69. 424
    ballistic gell says:

    How can Brown write about courage when he is not prepared to face the families of the dead Soldiers

    I believe that an annual ceremony should be held for the families of the Soldiers who have died the previous year and those who have been invalided out of the army because of serious wounds

    This won’t happen as Brown appears to prefer spending his time visiting Infants schools

    • 428
      David Miliband says:

      I nearly wrote a book about courage

      • 436
        CCL says:

        and you have no spine!

      • 439

        Yeah, then you thought fuck courage, let’s go into politics, wiv my bro.

        Nepotistical wankers.

      • 510
        General Strapon says:

        can your brother do something about this bloody weather? It’s constantly pissing cats and dogs. I thought you told us it was going to be like the south of France? Was that bollocks too like we’re fighting in the ‘stan to stop suicide bombers attacking London.

        your faithful strapon.

    • 431
      CCL says:

      He is weak, he has no courage and he is ‘not officer material’.

    • 503
      Funambulist says:

      Mosques more like.

  70. 450
    Putin says:

    That Katy Perry appears to be a nice young lady, very athletic

  71. 463
    Branflack says:

    Brown’s idea of courage is three Duracell size D batteries up the anoos

  72. 472
    Fagged@Eton says:

    “The Barclay Brothers overpaid a stonking £665 million for the newspaper in 2004.”

    (ex-)telegraph shareholders own Conrad Black a pint or two!

  73. 478

    ### Charles_E_Hardwidge ###


    • 484
      jgm2 says:

      Hello troll.

    • 490
      So17 says:

      Nam Mayo Renge Kyo

    • 501
      Deggseh D says:


      Long time no see. You’re braineh an’ tha’. Do you think that ‘Terpsichore’ is a nice name for a babeh?

    • 512
      What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

      At 6:39pm on 08 Sep 2008, Charles_E_Hardwidge wrote [on Nick Robinson's blog]:

      Frankly I’m no longer bothered how Gordon Brown fills his time. At least while he’s in Birmingham he’s not passing another piece of ill-thought-out legislation at Westminster. I say send them all on a cruise for the next 18 months. Complete bargain. [...] If the Tory shadow Home Secretary offered to pay my relocation and resettlement costs it would be tempting to vote Tory and bale out of Britain the day they got into power, but I’m not that selfish.

      “[LabourList is] a mirror of a collapsing government being run over by an opposition with a free pass. Wake up.”
      Charles Hardwidge @ 5:07 pm, Wed 8th Apr 2009 on LabourList

    • 553
      Sarge says:

      arrogance and emptiness aptly describe your posts too.

  74. 485
    Anonymous says:

    Hmmm 900,000 per day. £200,000 a week loss.

    whats a loss of 31p per litter liner to knobs like them eh its gordonomics! print more! give em away, invent a scrappage scheme, take a week old telegraph and get 20p off a new one….same news different date.

  75. 499
    giantgonad says:

    Would it be possible to have a thread for Hardwidge’s exclusive use? He coud amThuse himself and leave the rest of us to carry on elsewhere?

  76. 506
    Nearly Headless Nick says:

    I am superior to everyone, including any man-invented god.
    I am therefore very superior.

    • 511
      Trough Mixture says:

      I was just saying to Miss Rigby here, “Stella my love”, I said, “See that bloke over there with his head hanging at a jaunty yet impossible angle? I’ve never seen anyone quite as superior!”

      Stella just laughed enigmatically and suggested you were probably a relative of Freddie Laker.

      Darzi has just chucked the towel in btw.

  77. 514
    kick one they all limp says:

    If they want to make money start on the Lords expences then Quango expences then Local Councillors and then on to the EU expences we will never tire of a paper that exposes Scum !

  78. 516
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:

    Liebour have bankrupted the nation yet again as they did in the seventies when we had to go cap in hand to the IMF. They are only spending now and printing money now until the general election to fool people in to believing things arnt so bad. Just wait till after the election and you will really see how bad things are. Previous recessions will seem like a day out in Las Vegas.

    Remember, they only ever lie and will do any thing to hold on to power,legal or otherwise.
    Liebour know nothing else other than to lie and bully. You only have to go back to browns’ press conference to see what a liar he is. All of them deceitful liars, mandelson harman, balls. Completely undemocratic too and that is the way they want it to stay. They tell you how to live your life.
    Hoons every single one of them, traitors to what was once a gentile and proud nation, blown apart by Liebour’s hatred to the English

  79. 521
    The Pedant says:


  80. 557
    A Big McMental with large lies please says:

    Please show these gentlemen the back door

  81. 572
    Abdul Mohamed Yassi says:

    you infidels

    is this mod a muslim week

    merciful allah will fuck you

  82. 573

    [...] Telegraph Losing £200,000 a Week The Telegraph lost £9.8 million last year – which is a pretty good result for them – they lost £30 [...] [...]

  83. 580
    I accept full responsibility, that's why I sacked the person responsible says:

    Gannet making $1,000,000 a Day.

    Heh heh.

Media Reader

Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Mirror’s Lazy Lie | Guardian
Mirror’s Weeping Child Picture Lying Lazy Journalism | Guardian
Coulson: Everything You Need to Know in 6 Seconds | MediaGuido
BBC Still Loves the Guardian | Breitbart
Establishment Times Chums Appeasing Tory Europhiles | UKIP
Andrew Pierce v Owen Jones | MediaGuido
Michael Rosen’s Expert Opinions | MediaGuido
Metro Editor Leaves | Buzzfeed

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads