Friday Caption Contest
Another Twittish Tweet from Kerry McCarthy | BBC
What’s the Point of Our Anti-Business Secretary? | Ruth Porter
HuffPo Hiring Pro-Iranian Mehdi “Act of Desperation” | Fox News
Krugman is Seductive, Simplistic and Unrealistic | Jeremy Warner
Lower Taxes, Higher Growth, the Statistical Evidence | CPS
Bash the Unions, Gatecrash the Quangos | ConservativeHome
I Told You So: Euro is Doomed | Douglas Carswell
PM Speaks for the Nation When Bashing Balls | Quentin Letts
Time for an Alliance | Dan Hannan
Farage’s Plan | ConservativeHome
Guardian Open News is a Failure | Heather Brooke
Balls Calls for Deeper Cuts | Speccie
Lessons from the Thirties | CPS
PMQs Idiots | Harry Cole
Jon Cruddas is Not the Messiah | Dan Hodges
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Lord Lamont told ITV News…
“I think the PM is just human and Ed Balls is a pretty irritating person”
Wanna come up and nibble my nuts?
What’s the difference between a Chipmonk’s mouth and a Labour Cabinet,
Nothing
They’re both full of nuts
O/T – Hoon the Hoon has gone…
How’dya like to rock my cock ginge?!
If you saw him dither and waffle on DP yesterday, it seemed a done deal.
Brillo, I salute your indomitability.
Mind that hole…
“After you.”
“No, after you.”
…and do you mind if Geoff Hoon joins us?
Did Hoon go after the reshuffle or during it??
I’m confused !!!
Of course you can use my head to rest your pint glass on!
2 reasons why Gordon Brown refuses to stand by Prince Charles’ request to help save the red squirrel.
I bet mine is bigger than yours.
Chippy .. “Well now you come to mention it, it was a stupid idea..yes.”
Take your hand out of my arse!
Nice red bush … I mean “bus” (smirk)
“My place or yours?”
“Which one?”
winner
Loser.
The people will decide, that’s the point of this blog fuckwit.
As a renaissance man, I strongly object to these base and sexist comments.
Arf!
Fuck off.
Twat.
I pox on all our houses.
Any more champagne anyone?
As a man who panders to feminazis you are not a reniassance man but a New Man Nonce!!!
That is funny shit.
This one is the winner!!!
winner x2
pair of Hunts
Hain!
Guido, Hain is back!
I’d take that as a direct challenge if I was you. Did he ever pay back that money?
Hain is a good man. He has something about him.
He understands Tao, and he who understands the Tao understands eternal boredom.
does he ken £100,000?
p.s.
it wisnae me!
“gordon is a Hunt isn’t he”
“yes”
Purnell: “Hoon’s gone”
Blears: “I know the feeling”
Is purnell saying
“Can I have a look inside of your red box”?
Quality, Beast!
we have a winner
can I offer you a lift to oblivion ?
You show me yours and I’ll show you mine – expense claims form, that is.
I said, do you fancy a DP, not DWP.
No, no I’ve had plenty of job offers. Why just today Iain Dale offered me a spot reading out the emails on playUK at midnight.
If I stick my hand in your pocket like this, will I find Balls?
“I see your skip has arrived. Where are you moving to?
It hurts like hell, hiding this 3rd home up my ass
And his face went like this when I opened the umbrella I shoved up there earlier.
“Oh James, you can rock my boat anytime you want!”
Blears- ” i cant beleive the poor person driving this fucking great big lorry has actually stopped & take your finger out of my arse
Purnell “That is a fantastic impression of Gordon, there Hazel.”
I much prefer flipping to housework, too.
So Gordon says to me: if I grin like this, will it make me look normal?
“you ugly ginger shortarse”
“shurrrup joker”
down a bit, my clitty is more to the front!!
Hazel “I feel sea sick”
Purnell “I stop pulling the strings then.”
Oooh you’re right, that _does_ feel nice.
“Yes darling does take it up the arse”
“Gordon is being a right pain in the neck”
Now I’m leaving, they can give the booster cushion to Sir Alan Sugar instead.
Dunno why you are smiling, we’re just about to be run over by this bus.
“I’m nuts!”
“Give it a rest, Hazzer, love”.
Dont look James…There’s an ‘ordinary person’ driving that fucking red lorry
That’s your brother, Hazel
all those leaving……… front door and single file please.
Hazel; you kicking him in the balls by resigning on the eve of the European Election gave me as much pleasure as having a hammer in the bathroom!
Now we’ve got some time on our hands – fancy a quickie?
Purnell “Youtube if you want to Hazel, I am selling my resignation to the highest bidder.”
I’m a bigger cnut than you!
Y’know that rock the boat pendant you were wearing?
You don’t fancy wearing a pearl necklace instead do you?
I’d prefer a bit of rimming..
while you’re down there Hazel….
Crankies tribute act on their way to a Cabinet meeting.
Heheh..
“And it’s goodnight from me, and goodnight from him.”
“What has Alan Johnson promised you?”
Who’s Alan Johnson FFS ?!
Alan Johnson is the man who has less vision that Mr Blunkett on a good day
Boris Johnson is a cretin.
Glad to see you have bowed to the inevitable.
Didn’t you used to be Hazel Blears?
Didn’t you used to be funny?
The postman will never be PM. Booohooohooohoo!
Can you tell, I share the same speech writer as Dolores Umbridge.
Totally. Dolores Umbridge to a tee.
Purnell to Blears: Who’s a clever Chipmunk then?
Purnell: “And so Hazel Blears, this was your political life”
“Let run off together into the sunset! I love you Chipmunk”
“Ow thanks James but please stop following”
About bloody time Guido. Were you having a late lunch today? It has been noted that you have been a lazy-arse with this weeks postings. I think the fame from the “mr” mcBride affair has gone to your head. Get a grip and sort it out!
How was it for you
What the hell is it about gingers wearing tartan patterns?
Bloody ridiculous.
The Hoon has just resigned.
Geoff Hoon has quit the cabinet apparently (according to Iain Dale). Another skittle falls. 5 in 4 days. How can this continue? How can Brown go on?
Trouble is, apparently he’s in line for the EU Commissioner post. Disgraceful!
Any chance of a quick rim?
“We’re all fucked. I’m fucked. You’re fucked. The whole department is fucked. It’s the biggest cock-up ever. We’re all completely fucked. ”
[copyright Richard Mottram...]
Thank god I’ll never have to bend over in Number 10 again.
Hazel: Why does everyone take an instant dislike to Cooper-Balls, James ?
James: Dono, think it’s because it saves so much time.
Beast of Clerkenwell – LOL !!
Wanna ride me on my bike?
or
I fancy you in a leather suit!
or
Hazel, how convenient you’ve got some time to clean my kitchen as I can not claim for it anymore
or just
Troughing consequences: 2 minsters and 4 chins out
“Gottle of Blear”
Now try it whilst drinking
He: Want to come round for a cup of Tea on Friday night
She: That’s nice, won’t you be busy.
He: Doubt it – will CG Tips do?
I’m getting on with the job
i smile like this all the time because i have no idea whats really going on
Two presentable human beings going to attend the Brown’s Cabinet of thugs
Hoon leaving government
which one??
BREAKING NEWS:Geoff Hoon has resigned from the cabinet, BBC learns
the hoon of all hoons
Off to Nato or summin’. Obviously not enough troughing opportunities left at Westminster.
Gottle of geer.
Hoon’s gone!
“Gottle of Blear”
Who’s a pretty boy then?
Hoons out!
“Oh James….you can rock my boat anytime”.
Hazel : James, do you want to come round tonight, and join me, Jackie, and Ruth at our Scupperware party ?
Hoon the buffoon has resigned!
If only…
kiss my fishy hoon
Hazel: ‘And to think that Gordon once said that resignations from his cabinet were as rare as rocking-horse shit!’
Purnell: ‘He’d know…’
“Gottle of Geer, Gottle of Geer”
Hoon gorn
Does any of you Tory boys do any work you lazy truckers
Purnell: I understand that ITV are looking for someone to take over from Richard & Judy. What about it Hazel ?
Fuck you hoon !
You Hunt
Hoon is a Hain
you have failed me for the last time Hoon , the rebel alliance must not take bases in Derbyshire , now feel the full force of the Dark side
Tories have taken Derbyshire.
May not just affect the Hoon, but also be a cue for that hag Beckett to spend more time with her caravan.
Apology accepted General Hoon.. You. The one that looks like an elf! Cooperboy! You are in charge of the fleet now.
Purnell: “Don’t look now but I think your expenses have just arrived.”
Dear old “Buff” Hoon is going out of government
…to spend more time with his taxpayer-funded property portfolio.
Bugger, I have overdone the bloody Botox yet again!
Purnell: Nuts?
Blears: What does that make you?
NUTS WHOLE HAZEL NUTS !!
mmmmmmmmmmmmm
‘I told ‘em I’d nick it I’m a geezer innit. I’m a bit werrrrr, a bit waaaaay…’
‘Funny you mention the fast show, you always kinda reminded me of Colin Hunt…’
Have you stung them yet lovely Poison Dwarf ?
Now we’ll have so much more time to spend together!
The Penguin
HOON ! HOON !
Even people in trouble with the Telegraph can sometimes be praiseworthily courageous. My estimation of all those ministers who have resigned has improved by about 5%, by 10% in the case of James Purnell who combined his resignation with an explicit demand for his “boss” to do likewise. Ministers who have failed to take the honourable course of action of quitting this corrupt degenerate joke of a government, have shown themselves to prefer guilded, but rusting, chains and swordid affluence. Each will only escape the label of nauseating coward by emulating those colleagues who have shown themselves, after all, to have a ray of decency and strength of character.
‘I told ‘em I’d nick it I’m a geezer innit. I’m a bit werrrrr, a bit waaaaay…’
‘Funny you mention the fast show, you always kinda reminded me of Colin Hunt…’
Helps if you put your name in
No bad magic, you are definitely not a geezer.
I meant I accidently posted it annonymously about 2 minutes before.
4pm live tv message from mcmental ?
job done—BROWN IS SAFE
C’mon Darling you know you wanna Make Gordon’s day.
If I keep doing this fake smile do you think the lynch mob won’t hang us?
It is the best hope we have.
JP :mmm I look so big and tall like a smooth assasin
HB : the ladies not for chutney
Hoon is Gawn !!!
FREE AT LAST! WE’RE FREE AT LAST!
[hazel ] I told you those sideburns made you look fucking stupid !!
[purnell] But how else would people know that I’m a prepubescent twit ??
James….what long fingers you have.
Geoff Hoon has had enough. He’s resigned.
http://www.textualrelationsblog.blogspot.com
And as they start to cross the road Brown hits the lorry’s accelerator.
Blears: I love it when it’s hot and throbbing between my legs.
Purnell: So do you want a shag, then?
Blears: No, you twat – I was talking about my motorbike!
Hazel Blears loves the attention of the media now she’s set her mobile to vibrate.
HA HA Ha !! Shaun Woodward is still stuck in Northern Ireland despite his Olympic standard arse-licking !!!
At least the IRA aren’t still making environmental improvements.
Hazel: “And this was the face he pulled when I said f – off.”
James: “Really?”
bbc takes the p1ss, conservatives take control of lancashire council, 18% swing, and tv reporter says to new council leader “well, it was a bit tight there for a minute wasnt it, didnt look like you’d do it”.
eh ? 18% swing and they’re saying it was close ?
It probably was close for the first 2 minutes of vote counting….
Actually neck ‘n’ neck before they opened the doors at 7am (i am reliably informed). Couldn’t have been closer until the last 15 hours.
Despite having no driving license and only one good eye, Gordon steered the truck straight and true to wreak his awful revenge.
Hazel Blears ,star of politics……. THIS IS YOUR POLITICAL DEATH
To lose one Cabinet Minister may be regarded as a misfortune….
James’ first attempt at taxidermery was not a great success.
classic!
‘This is the face I’ll pull when I say I resigned on health grounds – people will think I’ve had a stroke’
“…so I simply squeezed one out on his desk, like this….pnnnnghh!”
Purnell: “Have you guffed?”
O/T
Sky news website:
Hoon has quit!!
Bye bye Snotty
Purnell: No, let me guess, Duracell! that’s it! You’ve come as a battery!
‘You look happier now Hazel’
‘Yes, I’ve just been round Caroline’s house stamping on her PRETTY LITTLE FACE !!’
Oh that’s seen to him then!
Hoon – another one trying to make himself look good by resigning, when we all know how he played the second-home game (and remember his “I saw nuffin” defence in the David Kelly inquiry). A real third-rater who has been overpromoted like all the rest.
Still, it’s all good fun isn’t it?
How is the butt plug?
HB – I Shouldn’t have tried the Gordon sized special
Hazel; you mean you only found out about the benefits of Nokia when climbing out of a window at Number 10 with your rear end exposed?
Hazel smiles as James tells her how he plans to photoshop Gordon and Alan Sugar on a rocking horse together and sell it to The Sun.
“Gottle of Geer”
We are 3 Right Hoons!
This assassination game is such fun !! – do you think Geoff H**n would like to play?
O/T sorry – Hoon has quit !!!! – doesn’t this start to look like a steady drip-drip of resignations – one every few hours – or is that just my imagination?
If I’m right – who’s next?? Phil W**las?
Blears: that’s one down, six to go!
Oh! and Gordon?
“Now WTF – He’s just installed Eddie the Eagle as Defence Secretary”
Bad Company
Hazel; Ohhhh James rock my boat!
James; Ohhhh Hazel fondle my nuts!
McMental; Ohhhh four cough the both of yous’e!
Beckett’s gone
So you actually saw the big queen in his nappy ?
tribute song too beckett
I’m not sure I’d put THAT on his headstone, but it’s nice to see him dead.
Is that Gordons Nokia in your Trouser Pocket James ?
Yes, Beryl. By the way I never asked you this before but, before I resign do your collar and cuffs match?
Yes, James they match Kay Burley’s Hunt
GB due to hold a news conference in the next hour.
Margaret Beckett has left cabinet
JP – “Don’t worry Hazel, those sycophants may lick Brown’s arse, but our true friends won’t let us down !”
HB- “How true ! They’d never do something as fucking reprehensible as deny us by reading out some fatuous ‘lines to take’ from the Number 10 bunker…”
Purnell: Would like to nibble on my nuts?
Blears: I’d rather blow on some Balls
Purnell: Which one?
Blears: Yvette of course!
Purnell: Well she is the one that wears the trousers in that relationship.
“Great Hazel! Hold that look and repeat after me…gottle of geer, gottle of geer….brilliant,that’s our new careers sorted!
What has a Hazel Nut in every bite?
Chipmunk Sh1t…
Ian Gibson = TOAST !
‘Do you want to Share …Or Shaft ‘ ?
How on earth can Gordon have a ‘press conference’ at 4 pm, while the reshuffle still isn’t agreed ??
Labour couldn’t make a bigger fuck-up of this reshuffle if they really tried…
It’s a NuLiebour thing. Remember the total shambles of Bliar’s reshuffles? Piss-ups and breweries, beer and glasses provided….
Good job they are better at running the economy.
James, have you got somewhere to stay tonight?
“…..I look down on her, because she is working class.”
Would Labour do blackmail type tricks to keep peeple in like such as “bummer” pictures?
Have we had the midget porn caption yet ?
Purnell: “Well little girl, and what would you like to be when you grow up?”
PURNELL: You look cheerful, Hazel…
BLEARS: I am, we’ve got Gordo hogtied in the back of the lorry
What the fuck has happened to Margaret Beckett ??
She was born like that.
More chins than a chinese phone directory – boom boom
Gottle of geer
What the fuck has happened to Margaret Beckett ??
Has she been ‘disappeared’ ??
yes
“After you.”
[sideburns] I hope you and Caroline are looking forward to your congratulatory fuck for standing down round at my place this weekend !!
[hazel ] I’ve asked Flinty to bring the condoms and an extra large bottle of K-Y Jelly !!
how old are u anon its been in a tube for at least 40 years. memo to self; get another one
The vilest of the vile leave the sinking ship. The rest to follow asap please God.
Purnell – I am partial to the odd jar of ginger chutney
Blears – well you are talking to the ginger chutney monkey with a cupboard full of pickle
What do you get if you cross a rat with a chipmunk?
A Hoon.
Brown 40% competent – fuck off
I will if you will!
Size doesn’t matter.
“Oh and thank you for the broach, James…”
Is that a pound of acorns in your pocket, or are you pleased to see me?
Fuck off, I’m knobbing a bitch off Newsnight. Oh all right then, maybe a quicky. It’ll have to be in one of your houses though, mine’s a right shithole.
‘ Don’t worry,if the worst comes to the worst,we can release the ”rocking horse” pics’!
Purnell to Blears: Have you received your pension form yet?
I’ve just had a poo and I imagined geoff hoons face was at the bottom of the bowl. Weird I know, but so, so satisfying.
Try it ! you’ll see..
Who gives a shit about this caption competition of Guido’s when there’s so much else going on?
Well I do Hazel?
Who gives a shit about this caption competition of Guido’s when there’s so much else going on?
Well I do Hazel1
Who gives a shit about this caption competition of Guido’s when there’s so much else going on?
Well I do Hazel!
So that’s Gordon’s Removal van booked then….
mcnulty – gone ! fuck me today is awesome
Splendid. He was a particularly aggressive little bastard. Outstanding result!
James: So, it’s back to managing Celtic, is it Gordon ?
Yes, we are both getting out at the right time, the money has gone from politics now. I was on the phone to RBS this morning.
I knew you was a goer, but I didn`t think you could go quite so fast.
Gordon says he is getting a four seater cabinet table so I can have the big one
My god Pat, you look like Hazel Blears in drag!
“I blame the taxpayer for having this vibrator left inside me all day long. Well, they did my it for me…”
“So you say Berlusconi was actually PAYING his his taxes and he’s being brought down by a sex scandal?”
“I know! Hilarious!”
New Krankies tribute act starts UK tour
http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/2466533/Homecoming-snub-for-The-Krankies.html
Yes mine are also ginger, but are yours grey?
“Gottle o’ Geer!”
Now get yer hand out of my arse!
So what’s so wrong with a faceful of pillow, Big Boy?
Flinty gone!
I see captain Barking has even brought back Hain
You are a wag James, but we have established that I do have bigger balls than you.
Wicked Witch cackles after making James’ dick vanish
Ronald McDonald and Hamburglar seen fleeing the scene.
Actually Caroline Flint may still be up for that threesome after all !!
You” have to show her the money first, you don’t get a booty like that for free mate!
So you’re off to help Santa wrap all the presents then Hazel?
But Nutkin sang as rudely as ever–
Old Mr. B! Old Mr. B!
Hickamore, Hackamore, on the Queen’s kitchen door;
All the Queen’s horses, and all the Queen’s men,
Couldn’t drive Hickamore, Hackamore,
Off the Queen’s kitchen door!”
Then all at once there was a flutterment and a scufflement and a loud “Squeak!”
The other squirrels scuttered away into the bushes.
When they came back very cautiously, peeping round the tree — there was Old Brown sitting on his door-step, quite still, with his eye closed, as if nothing had happened.
But Nutkin was in his waistcoat pocket!
This looks like the end of the story; but it isn’t.
Old Brown carried Nutkin into No 10, and held her up by the tail, intending to skin her; but Nutkin pulled so very hard that her tail broke in two, and she dashed up the
staircase, and escaped out of the attic window.
And to this day, if you meet Nutkin up a tree and ask her a riddle, she will
throw sticks at you, and stamp her feet and scold, and shout —
“Fuck-fuck-fuck-fur-r-r-fuck-k!”
“I smile a lot for back-stabbing short, fat Hunt don’t I”
“I still smile a lot for a backstabbing short, fat c-u-n-t don’t I”
Purnell – “At least these ring-binders stop the press photographers, snapping my final expense claim with their flipping long lenses”.
Blears – “Careful though, they’ve got flipping good hearing”.
Purnell – “Nah just act naturally – I got a flipping good pension though”
Blears – “Yeh – I got a flipping good house”
Purnell – “I think it was a flipping smear to be honest”
Blears – “Oh I hate that flipping word – makes me feel flipping sick”
Purnell – “You getting the flipping bus then”.
Blears – Nah – Actually I’m getting a flipping taxi, courtesy of Sir Alan Sugar, that was flipping kind”
Purnell – “Yeh – flipping nice man – see ya”.
They’re having a laugh about this :
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6437959.ece
‘Gordon Brown doesn’t know what he’s talking about’ – what Sir Alan Sugar wrote
… in 1992
” I made a bigger profit than you on my second home.”
well, if you do stab Gordon, you can flip me and find out if l’m really ginger
“We were the masters of second homes, now we’ve carved him a second arsehole.”
“Did you pay tax on that second chin Hazel?”
JP – ‘Fancy a threesome with Caroline?’
“And I only got into government on the All Short Women list”
God, we’re both such massive Hunting tossers aren’t we!!? (animated laughter).
hahaha! You set the word Hunt to be replaced with Hoon! Guido you are amazing!
that was silly wasn’t it….curse my substandard education….
If I gurn like this can I plead insanity?
No, just behave as usual – that should do it!
Can I fuck you up the arse Hazel ?
Okay then, as long as its a good dry bumming !
‘I made more out of the additional costs allowance than you ever will.’
Come on Haze, lets have a good old sing song to cheer us up
“ten cabinet ministers hanging on the wall
and if one cabinet minister should accidently fall…”
“Fancy a shag, you dirty little pixie?”
“OK, Hazel”
The only way I could look more of a twat is by pulling this face. So I do it a lot.
JP: ‘if you had any tits I could see them from this angle’
HB: ‘we’ll be in cabinet in a minute, you can fill your boots!’
“So you want to join the sisterhood? Well, maybe you could become an honourary member.”
“How?”
“Well chuck, there’s something me and the girls need you to do on local election night…”
Hazel : Will you be able to cock your leg over my MV ?
“Yes it has Jimmy, this week has been all about my caught-out dormouse cousin Gordon Brown , who is the talk of the town on the floor of the House, which is a very haunted house; he’ll soon be thrown off the port bow, as the Labour Watership Now goes all the way Down,Down,Down!”
“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?”
“No, it’s a gun.”
Brill – I reckon Second Place for this one ( after ‘Your Place or Mine’ ‘Which One?)
Don’t worry, with the contents of these dossiers we are not just untouchable, we are virtually guaranteed a seat in the Lords…….
bleary now im gone i’ve cancelled that bloody cheque
“Hope you like ginger pussy?”
“More of a dog person, myself.”
Purnell: “Do you think my jacket’s too short and my trousers too tight, Hazel?”
Blears: “Well, I didn’t like to say anything but I’m trying not to look at that unsightly bulge…….”
Him: Have you got a safe seat?
Her: With Gordon around? My seat’s seen more action than the pope’s ring.
At least we got out before the team-building weekend cleaning Jacqui Smith’s house…
Where does a chipmunk keep its Hazelnuts?
I have proven Darwin’s theory, as I am able to pat myself on the back without stretching. And smiling is not alone peculiar to humans.
Let’s run away together…
Is that a packet of fags in Purnell’s right-hand trouser pocket?
Down a bit, ooh thats lovely!
‘You look Bleary eyed, Hazel”