June 4th, 2009

Countdown to Chaos

10pmYou wouldn’t know there was an election on would you?  The governing party is in chronic meltdown.  The Prime Mentalist is reduced to begging his sworn enemies for support.  One Blairite told Guido “if you think this is bad, wait until the polls close”.  Currently Ministers and MPs are straining to be loyal, Lord Falconer yesterday morning on the Today show put a sell-by-date on that loyalty.

After the polls close at 10 pm tonight, the battle will be joined for real…


  1. 1
    Vimeiro says:

    Would be entertaining, if the country’s situation was not so serious.

  2. 2

    Labour MP’s? WANKERS!

    I wouldn’t want to go into battle with ANY of you FUCKING COWARDS. Round Robin? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!

    When will ONE of you have the guts to stand up, grab a weapon, and say “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”?

    What’s the worst that could happen? The whip is removed? FFS!


    We are fucking dying for you out here for you! Get up off your knees and do the right thing for your country for a change you self-serving scum.

  3. 3
    Hazel Blears says:

    i need a small ginger poo

  4. 4
    MrPeregrination says:

    Does anyone have a a website which shows where the nearest voting centre is?

    This lefty wants to make sure Labour gets the message and fucks right off.

  5. 5
    An Election Day Message From The Archbishop says:

    Dear Brethren,

    As you all know, the Church never gets involved in politics. However, on this occasion an exception has been made. A quick reminder then of the main points of the Church’s campaign in these elections.

    The Church is terrified of the threat posed by a minor party whose policies mean the death of foreigners, racial tension and civil disintegration. I am speaking of course of the Labour Party.

    We are also concerned about other parties who have consistently sought to facilitate undemocratic external control of the British people in the name of economic self-interest, namely the Liberal Democrat and Conservative parties.

    It is therefore your patriotic and moral duty to vote for one of the parties which more truly represent the views and aspirations of the great majority of the British people, namely UKIP, the BuMP party, the Greens, Libertas, the English Democrats, or one of the others. It’s the right thing to do and you will be rewarded in Heaven.

    The situation is dire. Here ends the Lesson.

  6. 6
    Sunny Jim says:

    Wankers? The bastards aren’t that good…

  7. 7
    The Small Parties' Cat says:

    Hello pigeons!

  8. 8
    Sunny Jim says:

    Hazelnut, sweetie, you ARE a small ginger poo…

  9. 9
    W.W. says:

    No it IS entertaining, some of us have been waiting 12 years for this, and are enjoying every second of it.

    The country is fucked now anyway, there is nothing on TV, but the real fun will begin very, very shortly.

    I am just pooping out for extra popcorn.

    Make no mistake, he will not go quietly.


  10. 10
    Dee Selleck-Brown says:

    Can anyone see other world leaders taking postman Pat seriously ?

  11. 11

    I want gorgon to stay, he deserves to suffer electoral wipeout.

  12. 12
    Grumpy as hell says:

    Labour MP’s will put party before country,so this will be a long painful lingering slide into oblivion for them.
    Not Funny but horrible.
    Gordon will have to be dragged out of No.10 kicking and screaming like a petulant kid from a sweet shop without his sweets.

    Yet we will have to sit by without any real ammunition to force the one eyed wally and his inept cohorts out.

  13. 13
    Sunny Jim says:

    Nope. Next?

  14. 14
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:


  15. 15
    chris says:

    Tonights results are going to be great entertainment. Get a case of beers in, large curry and sit back and watch the final hours of new Labour.

  16. 16
    Mr Ned says:

    I can’t wait! Time to get the popcorn out and a few tins of the cold stuff and stay up all night to watch the fireworks as the labour snake eats itself.

    This will finally become the battle between the Blairites and the frustrated socialists who never left. The collapse and partial nationalisation of the banking system has strengthened the old left’s resolve and now they are hungry and ready for a feast.

    They have been extremely frustrated by waiting for 30 years to get a wiff of power after 18 years of tories and 12 of faux tories.

    The Blairites are still a significant force at the head of the labour party and with their determination to implement the globalists vision for a new world order, they will fight for their lives to protect the vile interests of the international hyper rich elite.

    BOTH sides are utterly discredited. Look out for high-profile defections to the tories over the coming weeks too if the blairites look like losing.

    That will be very good television indeed.

  17. 17
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    Not so sunny Jim,
    Cheer up sonny.
    And show some respect for the next PM.

  18. 18
    Dr Feelgood says:

    The address of your Polling Station will be on your Poll Card.

  19. 19
    MI6 says:

    Who are we supposed to Vote for. All of the big thinkers in Politics have been marginalised to the fringes so that the Whitehall lackies are left in Charge. I mean who the F–k supported Jackie Smith? She was a Joke and so was Blind Pew and Reed All Lackies of the State

  20. 20
    Hey Presto says:

    anyone for a glass of ginger cordial?

  21. 21
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    You tories really are a bunch of self serving scumbags aintcha.
    Better Alan Johnson than the thief millionair Cameron, innit!

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    Can Mandelson using his skills at spin polish this turd of a Government?

  23. 23
    MonkeyBot5000 says:

    You can poop popcorn!?

    Are you on YouTube?

  24. 24
    Dr Feelgood says:

    Can anyone see other world leaders taking Gordon Brown seriously?

  25. 25
    Emmanuel Goldstein says:

    Quite apt really: BBC Radio 4’s “In Our Time” that was on this election day morning and it is discussing the destruction of another scotch anti-democratic unelected tyrant who almost ruined England, namely King Charles I.

    Links here:
    MP3 download (after 11:0am): http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/iot/
    Main In Our Time web page: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qykl

  26. 26
    Mr Ned says:

    If only this were a General election…

    The final hours of new labour will be well worth watching and recording to watch again and again.

    Unfortunately that will not be tonight. Hopefully it will be within a few short weeks and I cannot wait, but sadly, tragically even, it will not be tonight.

    Tonight is only a warm up for the main event. It will still be incredibly good to witness though.

  27. 27
    Lonesome Dave says:

    …I have even brought a range of spare batteries in case my Walkman goes down on me…ahem, now that would be a real bonus in a crisis…

    This weekend will prove to be so much fun it hurts.

  28. 28
    Sir Fred Goodwin says:

    So guys, how’s that Court of Public Opinion working out for you?

  29. 29
    The Grim Reaper says:

    Now that Guido has helped to expose the crooks at the House of Common Criminals, the next publicly funded slush fund to be investigated has to be the Evil Empire – the BBC. The BBC lives in a Londoncentric, pampered bubble like our MPs. Protected by huge amounts of public money they arrogantly ignore their Charter and act as the broadcasting front for the Left Wing elite. And every time they are fined for overstepping the mark – now a regular event – it’s the telly tax mugs who pay. They are totally out of step and are no longer a trustworthy or reliable source of news coverage. The taxis lining up at Television Centre are testament to an expenses scandal yet to be exposed. In 2009, we have too many other broadcast/information sources (inc Guido etc) to choose from rather than to have to pay for this highly commercial and greed driven champagne socialist broadcaster.

  30. 30
    Swiss Bob says:

    Posty for PM by Monday.

    Woman on a Raft Mandy’s Diary, Mittewoch 3 Junio.

  31. 31
    Steve Expat says:

    Got the large telly, half a dozen beers and a bag of popcorn – This is way better to watch than any movie :-)

    Certainly waited a few years for this, if not 12 – this is way worse than the last days of the Major government, at least his own ministers didn’t resign on him…

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    Ian Dale is interesting on Reid/Brown. He says…EXCLUSIVE: John Reid told Brown He Should Resign
    Iain Dale 11:41 PM

    Reports earlier today said that Gordon Brown offered John Reid the job of Home Secretary in a secret meeting last night in Downing Street. What the media haven’t reported is that not only did John Reid turn the job down, he told the Prime Minister he should resign. I am told that this is how the conversation went.

    Brown: Will you be my Home Secretary?
    Reid: No
    Brown: You have to support me.
    Reid: No I don’t. I have to support my country and my party, and that means you have to stand down.

  33. 33

    The situation is desperate, but not serious.

  34. 34
    David says:

    Is it too much to hope there will be a wave of resignations at 10.00pm tonight? Are there Ministers left with the self-respect and patriotism to address the needs of the country? We can only wait and hope.

  35. 35
    MisterE says:


  36. 36
    W.W. says:

    Are you Mark Oaten??


  37. 37

    Here you are: Here’s how to vote today.

    If everyone works on that basis, we’ll be fine.

  38. 38
    The Yorkshire Ripper says:

    Agreed. Usual Hoonery from Socialists – every time they come to power, this is how it ends. Last 3 goes they’ve had, same result. They only lasted this time as 10 of the 12 years they were being led by a Tory in disguise. Now he’s gone and doing the after-dinner gig, normal service is resumed with backstabbing, lying, greed – the usual chaos associated with Liebour. Loving every minute of it. Just need McBust to keep on going a bit longer so they get buried for a generation at the GE – absolute poetic justice for this shower.

  39. 39
    David says:

    Quote of the day!

  40. 40
    Dr Feelgood says:

    I believe most counts won’t start until start of the working day on Friday for the locals, and only after polls close for the Euros.

  41. 41
    Brown's a Fkin Kunt says:


    He has to stay ! I am enjoying watching thios melt-down and car-crash government. Brown is great for the Tory cause !

    Anyhow I want the koont to be taken out of number 10 in a straight jacket ! Another 2 months of in-fighting should do it !

  42. 42
    Lomcevak says:

    Heh … I voted ‘early’ today (anything but NuLab)
    … I enjoyed the experience so much … putting the metaphorical boot in … that I may do it again … and ‘often’ at that ;-)

    … bye-bye Bottler

  43. 43
    Alan Bread says:

    They’re all fucking nuts, Blears all pleased with herself with her lame “rocking the boat” badge, you can only assume that she had mislaid her “stealing from the taxpayer” one. Fucking Milburn, when is this idiot going to fuck off with all this keeping the Blairite legacy going cock, what legacy? To us average punters there is no legacy just tons of NuLab shit that we’ll have to pay for, for decades to come. Then we hear that Darling and that little squit Miliwank won’t move from their jobs.

    This just gets better and better!

  44. 44
    cheche says:

    Is it being covered by the Tele? Cant see it

  45. 45
    Mr Ned says:


    Johnson is as much of an inept, criminal, fuckwit as the rest of the cabinet. He is and has been an integral part of the same cabinet that has collapsed completely into failure and disarray whilst in power….. AGAIN!!!

    This is a Government that has failed and collapsed TWICE in only two years!!!

    And you think we should vote for this incompetent collapsing corpse AGAIN???

    Are you on medication for your mental condition? You should be!

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    He looks as if he wears slip-on shoes – ALL the time.

  47. 47
    Steve Expat says:

    PMSL – I bet that’s exactly what he’s thinking right now!!
    What goes around, comes around, I think they say…

  48. 48
    W.W. says:

    typical ‘lefty’ too fucking thick to find the polling station.

    Here is a clue, it will have a big sign outside, saying ‘Polling Station’.

    This is why the country is so fucked, these morons have been ‘ruuning’ it for the last twelve years.

    They can’t even find the fucking polling station.

    You utter, utter buffoon.


  49. 49
    South East Voter says:

    Does anybody know the latest polls in the Euro Election in the South East? I want to vote for whoever will push Brown into 4th Place

  50. 50
    soon you'll all have a postal vote says:

    there will be no results tonight, the boxes need to be stored overnight with access only for those ‘on message’

  51. 51
    Blake's7 says:

    So we have had a sheet metal worker running the commons, a one eyed retard running the country, now they want us to have a fucking postman to take over from the retard. I mean you could not make this shit up. Honestly I have seriously been considering buying a gun and just shooting McCockhead and putting this filthy dying animal out of it’s misery. Honestly I would be prepared to do the time, I could use human rights as my defence. Mind you where would the fun in that be. I hope the entire Labour party resigns leaving the school bully to play with his toys on his own. Can’t wait to vote later. He he

  52. 52
    Horace says:

    Mandelson is a fine one to talk about party unity when he was one of the first on the New Labour Axis to be caught fiddling his mortgage, soliciting secret loans, and all the rest….

  53. 53
    Steve Expat says:

    I don’t think any of the mainstream channels is going big on it, so I’d say Sky News is the best bet

    unless you think the BBC’s political coverage is any good at the moment

    Dale is doing an online radio show all day tomorrow, details on his blog…

  54. 54
    Tin Cunliffe says:

    A walkman ??

    How very last century!

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    I have commented on this before. But 900,000 people attend C of E services each week. Labour would say the C of E is dying minority and should be dis-established. Labour once again fucking over our culture because some red-brick uni weaned the politico things we all celebrate Ramanadan and want to be ruled by EU Catholic Commonwealth.

    Yet Church attendances are rising.

    And the Labour Party? Its membership is less than 450,000 (and falling!)

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    I agree with you Vimeiro, but at least we’ve had entertainment value. I’m wondering how long these daily disastrous events for Labour can continue – it’s almost unbelievable! Gordon is reaping the whirlwind, but the whole country suffers.

  57. 57
    Lofa on the Sofa says:

    are there enough ministers left to make a wave?

  58. 58
    Moley says:

    I could not agree more. The MPs are all locked up like lunatics in their own tiny little world, not realising how utterly stupid and pathetic they look to the real people.

    Hazel Blears is the only Labour MP with any balls.
    No behind the back stuff there.

    (Real people. noun. Population of UK excluding politicians).

  59. 59
    Lofa on the Sofa says:

    are you registered as a postal voter?

  60. 60
    Auto Asphyxia says:

    At last, someone finds the bollocks to stand up to Brown.

    There were only two people in the room so that story could have only come from one source. And I thought John Reid was one of the men in grey suits?

  61. 61
    Spelling bee says:

    maybe could take you seriously if you knew how to spell. Its righteous rage. And its what I suffer when I reflect on the appalling failings of our edukashun system.

  62. 62
  63. 63
    Hugh Janus says:


  64. 64
    Mr Hankey says:

    Surely chaos woud be a big improvement?

  65. 65
    grandma B says:

    I agree with you Vimeiro, but at least we’ve had entertainment value. I’m wondering how long these daily disastrous events for Labour can continue – it’s almost unbelievable! Gordon is reaping the whirlwind, but the whole country suffers.

  66. 66
  67. 67
    MI6 says:

    The Next time these C–ts want a War, Lets make sure their Kids and relations are on the Front Line. It would make the decision of sacrificing our lads a little bit closer to home. Did Conway vote to send our lads while his boys where at University having a Party at Tax Payers expence. Mind you if he had sent his boys the Arabs would have laughed thier C—s off especially if they had camped it up for them

  68. 68
    Auto Asphyxia says:

    I don’t think polls aren’t allowed on polling day.

    You could always try the website for you local newspaper, run a search for “poll”

  69. 69
    Lizzie says:

    People should get out there in droves and vote Conservative. What about a march to Downing Street telling Brown to give the people a general election. The weather is improving, the walk would do people good in many ways. If you don’t vote, then you can’t complain, give Gordon a real good send off.

  70. 70
    Dr Feelgood says:

    Blair may have been a wet Tory, but he left Brown to run the economy – who did so on traditional Labour lines for the whole 12 years.

    Massive expansion of public spending (heading to >50% GDP).
    Massive expansion of debt.
    Creation of enormous client state dependent on public jobs and benefits.
    Huge increase in taxation.
    Fiddling of stats, and what counted as public debt.
    Avalanche of regulation to suppress entrepreneurialism.

    A total fucking disaster.

  71. 71
    Salford slim says:

    Nice to see Ms Blears on form. The country is fucked, the economy is fucked, her party is fucked and she has been caught flipping more than a pancake chef.

    Still the odious little twat is on film beaming like a ginger Jimmy Krankie proudly showing off her “hilarious brooch”

    “Rocking the boat” indeed, you disloyal little Hunt.

    Fuck off.

  72. 72
    Anonymous says:

    I voted early but I was a little surprised to find that I had only one vote even though there are 10 MEPs in my euro-constituency. If for example I was a Green-veering Limp Dim who wanted to vote for half-green, half LD there was no way to do it. And if I wanted to vote for a party but specifically exclude a sitting MEP from my vote there was no way to do that either.

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    He always reminds me of Bricktop from Snatch.

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:


  75. 75
    The Brussels Octopus stalks us all says:

    You’re not wrong.
    As we will not only have the Labour meltdown to enjoy but the beginnings of the Conservative Eurosceptic fightback too.

    Unless anyone thinks all those Conservatives were voting UKip for a laugh ?

    Because it will be taken as a very clear signal for the debate on Cameron’s Europe “policy” to begin anew.

    Kenneth Clarke will be keeping a very low profile.

    Tebbit on the other hand might just feel the time is ripe to make a good few comments to the media about the future direction of Conservative Policy on Europe.

  76. 76
    Dungeekin says:

    Given the resignations, Brown’s having to use a radical approach to Cabinet recruitment in this ‘reshuffle’.

    But to be honest, I don’t think LieBore are going to do as badly as predicted in the elections today. I’m sure the postal voting system will help them out.


  77. 77
    use yer loaf says:


  78. 78
    charlie says:

    who’s the Portillo moment going to be at the GE? Ed Balls? Remember everybody clapping and chanting ‘out out out’ at David Mellor?

    Can’t wait to give Ed Balls the same. Where’s his constituency?

  79. 79
    Mr Ned says:

    Oh if you really want to have a go at REAL self-serving scum-bags, I suggest to write to members of the CURRENT cabinet.

    How you could not see that they are anything other than self-serving at the moment, when the VAST MAJORITY of the public are screaming out for a general election and a referendum on the EU treaty, BOTH denied by the labour party for the sole purpose of serving THEMSELVES, then you are either clinically insane, or terminally stupid.

    How is the labour party serving the public? They are doing NOTHING to serve the public, but a great deal in direct OPPOSITION to the demands of the public.

    But one example is their massive help for home-owners who are facing losing their homes has managed to help a massive TWO families so far. YES TWO!!!

    it would have been cheaper for the tax-payer to pay off these mortgages altogether. It would have cost US less than the MP’s have claimed on expenses too.

    All this as the PUBLICLY OWNED Northern Rock keep kicking more and more hard working families out of their homes whilst the ministers in control of this bank flipped mortgages and made a killing, TAX FREE, in the property market.

    And you have the unmitigated cheek to call tories self serving???


  80. 80
    nigella says:

    i guess toenails will be wetting his whistle – 10pm – once again that twat gets to sit in the limelight.

    Laurel and fucking Hardy.

  81. 81
    The Grim Reaper says:

    Would that be from Old Beardie, the Archbish of Canterbury who’d be more at home as a Old Labour councillor in the Cambrian Mountains?

    The bearded whinger – a fully paid up member of the Labour Luvvy Club – has single-handedly destroyed the remnants of Anglicanism. Rather as his friend Gordon MacBeth has destroyed the Labour Party and relegated them into opposition for a least two decades. He’ll have to wait for Sharia Law and the Final Dissolution of Christianity to come along a little later than unplanned.

    He’s off to the Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen soon as he’s flying by evil jets to save us all in a passionate wish to reduce our carbon footprints.

    However, we musn’t all Bash to Bishop too often or we will all go blind.

  82. 82
    Steve Expat says:

    Bee ‘n’ Pee

    was the last order I saw, so UKIP or Green has the best chance of putting Lab 4th (or even maybe 5th)

    Blog post from Hannan on the subject:


  83. 83
    Hugh Janus says:

    Well done, here’s an A*** in English for you.

  84. 84

    We may as well sit back and enjoy all this – as we’ve all paid at least £22k per head to fund this bunch of loosers.

  85. 85
    UKIP to push out Brown says:


  86. 86
    Auto Asphyxia says:

    Well said. This Government is definitely half-cocked, just needs someone to pull the trigger.

  87. 87
    The MacSnotty tragedy says:

    OT just a little…

    Same fight to get the BBC troughers Mr Fawkes!


    follow them by local authority troughers the “chief execs” and their motely creepy crew.

  88. 88
    chris says:

    Brown will end up in the next bed to Susan Boyle at the Priory. “At least the people voted for me Mr Brown!”

  89. 89
    Lofa on the Sofa says:

    Agreed, but Mandleson is like the herpes virus, and the country is infected. For as long as he lives now, he will keep popping up to cause harm. There is no cure, he has infected the nucleus of the body politic, and is attached to its DNA, like a parasite.

  90. 90
    Mary Hinge says:

    Vote Tory. Dan “The Man” Hannan is at the top of their list.

  91. 91
    Inspector Foyle says:

    I endorse this statement. I am very pleased with it. pass the bread please.

  92. 92

    Get writing that Commons resignation speech. Refer to Hansard for the Geoffrey Howe version!

    The Penguin

  93. 93
    Mr Ned says:

    Buried for a generation? That would be a failure of epic proportions.


  94. 94
    Anonymous says:

    Major was elected and ran out of steam. The only thing that would have saved him would have been a concerted get out of the EU campaign. And there was some silliness. And policies were tired. But the economy was OK. Our culture still intact.

    Yes you are right this is about 1000 times worse.

  95. 95
    liberal consensus says:

    Yes, everyone could really do with a little bit more of the same.

  96. 96
    Hugh Janus says:

    Well Fred, Manhater-Haprperson vowed to stop your pension, and we know that NuLiebour always keep their promises.

    So you’re quite safe,

  97. 97
    Master Baiter says:

    Boris Johnson tried to claim £16.50 for a Remembrance Sunday wreath on his expenses while he was Henley’s MP.
    He claimed £85,299 between 2004 and 2008 for his constituency home near Thame.
    Mr Johnson’s annual salary as an MP was £64,766 and in his last year he declared outside earnings of £340,000 to £405,000.

  98. 98
    The Grim Reaper says:

    Don’t be so mean to School Prefect, Banana Boy Mr Bean, Milibland of the FO.

    What a shower! (ackn. Terry Thomas, Carlton-Browne of the FO)

  99. 99
    I will pay off the nation's debt burden if I can have a little go on Gordon's tits says:

    These NeoLabour vermin have absolutely zero concern for the nation, it’s economy, finances, or indeed standing in the world.

    We are left with the American Pres trying to get our head of state invited to the D-Day ceremony because the little Scotch troglodyte was so desperate to be in his company he was unable to rationalise the importance of ensuring her Madge was invited.
    Instead we will be represented by a gurning, gibbering death’s head with his trousers tucked into his socks

    They are simply desperate to cling on to power because as socialist idealogues that is their right.

    The concerns, aspirations and struggles of the masses are but sound bites for these wretches.
    While they avoid capital gains tax on publically funded second homes, they talk of affordable housing.
    While they talk of full employment they fill the country with cheap labour.

    Personally I wouldnt ‘alf mind a NeoLabour victory in the General Election.
    Let them take the pain of breaking their contract with the hordes of professional benefit scroungers, the legions of local government paper shufflers, and the millions of despicable liars who decide they are too unfit for work.

    If they are too cowardly to take the choices, the IMF will move in to run the country, then the Tories can assume the role of good governance.

    Perhaps then we can also smash the last bastion of Labour’s control over Britain, the worthless BBC

  100. 100
    21st century dude says:

    What’s a walkman

  101. 101
    MrPeregrination says:

    Such wisdom! Thanks you. Just so your tiny little brain doesn’t get confused – yes, that was sarcasm.

    I’ve just moved to a small town and have no idea where anything is. I’m sure I can find the polling station on my own if required but I will be working late and would prefer to know exactly where to go instead of wasting my time trying to find it.

    Retards like you is why the country is going to stay fucked by the way. Intelligent people can have different opinions on how best to run the country. Idiots will vote for ‘their’ party because ‘the other lot are too fucking stupid to think the same way as me’.

  102. 102

    Sorry for the typo, i had a late night and not much sleep. I`m sure you have never made a spelling mistake in your sad inane life have you :)

  103. 103

    Get drafting your Commons Resignation Speech. Check with Hansard on the Geoffrey Howe example.

    The Penguin

  104. 104
    Mr Ned says:

    That would be a very very good start!

  105. 105
    Captain Nitpicker says:

    Loose is what McSnot’s bowels are going to be when the results come in.

  106. 106
    Inspector Knacker of the Yard says:

    Spot on.

  107. 107
    Don't lets make fun of the Socialists says:

    Hallo 16%, or is it down to 12% now?

  108. 108

    Fucking useless fucking broadband fucking connection!

    The Penguin

  109. 109
    Boris for P.M. says:

    This the same Iain Dale who thought Kirkbride should and would stay, that Madine Dotties wasn’t bonkers and thought that Labourlost had the scoop on the leaking of whacky Jacqui Smiths resignation ?

    Yeah, his credibilities been shot to pieces lately compared to Guido and other bloggers.

  110. 110
    Gordon's glass eye says:

    I suspect the following Cabinet Ministers were bullied at school.

    David ‘Bananaman’ Milliband. Ed ‘Reichsfuhrer’ Balls. James ‘Dodgy sideburns’ Purnell. Mandy. Douglas/Sister Wendy Alexander.

  111. 111
    Hugh Janus says:

    I prefer the version that he merely dropped in when passing to talk about football.

    Quite convincing really, bearing in mind the track-record of this shower of sh*t.

  112. 112
    Master Baiter says:

    Vote Early! Vote Often!

    Vote For Our Glorious Socialist Future!

  113. 113
    Bob says:

    If you were on £450,000 p.a. would you want the little people having a real say.

  114. 114
    no longer anonymous says:

    Master Baiter, people might pay more attention to you if you had the guts to criticise your own side as well.

  115. 115
    Aristotle says:

    Voted – I encourage you all to use your vote too

  116. 116
    Dr Feelgood says:

    A bit harsh W.W.

    If the guy wants to vote “to make sure Labour gets the message and fucks right off”, then fair play to him. Seems a very reasonable sentiment to me!

    A lot of people who once voted Labour now need to vote differently and should be welcomed and encouraged.

  117. 117

    You fucking retard, he was a fucking postie for YEARS before his little grey cell (singular) worked out that being a union tosser mean a nice dry office and less fucking walking in the rain. PM material? Near as bad as Balls.

    The Penguin

  118. 118

    He already is :)

  119. 119
    Mark Oaten says:

    Hazel, I want to eat you.

  120. 120
    Gordon's glass eye says:

    Have I missed anyone out?

  121. 121
    Walther PPK says:

    Gordon – Let’s see some of your famous courage!

    I am in the top right drawer of your desk, willing to help, day or night.

  122. 122
    Mr Ned says:

    It WAS 900,000 and climbing, but then the recession started to bite and the Polish fucked off home. Now it’s falling again!

    Should be back to single digits again soon.

  123. 123

    James Gordon Brown, the “Right Honourable” member for some ghastly Scotchland dump, unelected leader of the NuLiebour Party, Prime Mentalist through political thuggery, whose reputation for being a brilliant Chancellor is now in tatters for all to see and sneer at, is a student of History as well as the author of books on ( other people’s!!) courage.

    He seems to be incapable of actually listening to criticism, or of considering anyone else’s point of view, but in the dark hours before the dawn do you suppose that he realises the actuality of his situation, and how he will be recorded in the history books?

    I don’t know how to do one of those “Downfall ” videos, but surely some bright bugger could do one concerning the sad loss of his loyal lieutentants recently?

    The Penguin

  124. 124
    Anonymous says:

    True. Devolution for the Celtic Fringe. As long as the ruling parties in those assemblies are Labour subsidiaries. Party. Party. Party.

  125. 125
    Hugh Janus says:

    What do you mean – “LIKE a parasite”? This lot have shown parasites a whole new way of life.

  126. 126
    Mr Ned says:

    “Rather as his friend Gordon MacBeth has destroyed the Labour Party and relegated them into opposition for a least two decades.”

    We will have failed as a nation if the labour party survives even as an opposition party.

    They must be routed and removed from power forever.

  127. 127
    Lord Gideon Partisan BabblingBigot says:

    A “walkman” is the Bullingdon term for an aspiring young buck whose duty it is to “service” a Lord Mayors needs at all time. Even using certain battery operated “implements”.

  128. 128

    He thinks Jacqui is “nice”. All you need to know about his judgement.

    The Penguin

  129. 129
    Lizzie says:

    At least they don’t wear sandals!

  130. 130
    Anonymous says:

    “necrotic” now ther’s a word you don’t hear very much today.

    How about rebranding New Labour as ZaNecroticLieBore?

  131. 131
    Hugh Janus says:

    Arrogance, combined with incompetence, is truly a deadly combination.

  132. 132
    Steve Expat says:

    Dan “The Man” is top of their list indeed, so if the Tories get 8% of the votes he will be elected – that is beyond any doubt I would think!

    The question has to be, would it be better to see the Tories get 45% with Labour in 3rd, or the Tories get 30% with Labour 4th or 5th..??

  133. 133
    Mr Ned says:

    Respect must be earned. That is something that labour people will NEVER be able to do.

    Johnson is a coward. He is a fuckwit and a looser. If he had any balls, or any consideration for the people of this country, he would have killed off Brown last year.

    He was too much of a coward then, and he is just as bad as all of the rest of the labour party.

    They are a sick joke!

  134. 134

    I won’t bother tuning in. My cat has better judgement.

    The Penguin

  135. 135
    Hugh Janus says:

    If not, they should have been.

  136. 136
  137. 137
    Bob says:

    Spot on, the tories would never sell the country down the river by joining the common market, selling off every utility they could completely fucking up the manufacturing base, encouraging the presonal greed ‘no society’ mantra, then passing on that template to labour to copy.

  138. 138
    It's the Tyburn Jig for you laddy says:

    So who is behind that email being sent to MP’s?

    Sky reckon it is former Education Secretary Charles Clarke.

    With English skills like that, it’s the Tyburn Jig for you laddy.

  139. 139
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    We’re all praying more, too

  140. 140
    W Mitty says:

    You got a Polling Card?????!!!!

    I didn’t although I got one for the General and the Mayoral Elections. Hmmmmm

  141. 141
    Blair is a charlatan says:

    Blair Legacy is a figment of Milburn’s imagination.
    These hoons have been bulled up for far too long by the BBC to believe that they are held in awe by Joe Public.
    I remember when they promoted Jacqui Cinqbellies, BBC were so enamoured by it, WTF she is hooning useless.
    Get the fecking basics right before you dream up more policies, FFS!

    Think about it..
    We want less government not more….

    Life’s necessities

    Food….go to the shop
    House…(used) to get a mortgage
    Clothes…Primark will do
    Companionship….find a wife/husband
    Kids…..if wanted find a spouse
    Sport…join a club
    Transport….buy a car..pay taxes for fuel/licence..pays for infrastructure

    No large government required for any of these…WTF

  142. 142
    Hey Presto says:

    bullied – rightly fucking so, if Brown would have turned up a one of my “parties” with a bag of bricks instead of beer he would have been thrown over the fence into next doors garden

  143. 143
    Augeas says:

    The most frustrating thing is that the avalanche of regulation was so misdirected and mismanaged that it completely failed, as we saw with the banks, giving the Hoons the chance to argue that we had not had enough regulation and impose still more.
    Absolutely barking mad.

  144. 144
    Dodgyastheycome says:

    It’s signing on day and the sun is shining…..probably 1%

  145. 145

    Yes, she’s a Hunt, but at least she had the balls to stick it to Gorgon face to face. Unlike the so-called men in the cabinet.

    The Penguin

  146. 146
    Moley says:

    Please, please, can someone do a translation!

    The Germans are doing spoof videos with Brown speaking the lines of Hitler in the Bunker!

  147. 147
    Sir Mallard (my expenses are private) TwatterSteen says:

    They will be expecting miracles from a millionaire Public relations wonk cokehead next.

  148. 148
    Anonymous says:

    The BBC has to go. It has become the NuLabour librium of the masses

  149. 149

    UKIP all over the country are best placed to shove Labour into fourth – anyone who says anything else is bullshitting you. I’m not a UKIP supporter, but I will be voting UKIP today for this reason, and to piss off the europhiles, naturally.

  150. 150
    Left Footer says:

    The EU might contain a lot of Catholic countries but the European Bureaucrats/Elite are far from pro-Christian let alone pro-Catholic. Remember the hoo-hah regarding the absence of any mention of Europe’s Christian heritage in the Treaty/Constitution?

  151. 151
    Anonymous says:

    Poles tend to be Catholic, not CoE

  152. 152
    Lonesome Dave says:

    Ok, ok I’m an old fogey. Hmph, garumph.

    I cannot be huffed today I’m in a state of heavenly Brown hating, fogeyish bliss.

    Any last minute bets on him “retiring” with health problems?

    …right, back to the wireless.

  153. 153
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    GREAT !
    We swap a twat for Postman Pat
    Job sorted

  154. 154
    MrPeregrination says:

    I’ll be voting Greens in the hope they push Labour into fifth. A number of my friends and colleagues will be doing the same so I’m certainly no alone in my thinking.

    I’ts a bit of a bonus that I happen to think the Greens are a useful minority to have in any parliament. Certainly wouldn’t want them running the place though. Then again, they probably wouldn’t make any more of a mess of things than the current lot.

  155. 155

    So you didn’t like your neighbours?

    The Penguin

  156. 156
    Jocks über alles says:

    Fucking hell, the Krauts are now calling Brown a wanker:

    ‘Gordon Brown gerät immer mehr ins Wanken’


  157. 157
    Gordon's glass eye says:

    These people are all overgrown student politicians. Oily little cretins that would try and secure your vote for them to run the university media and communications unit to enhance their CV. I didn’t mind it then as it didn’t mean anything. However, now they’ve somehow been handed the keys to the ship and are running it straight into the iceberg that they spectacularly failed to notice because they were so busy lining their own pockets and a lack of general common sense/intelligence. Hoons!

  158. 158
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    Good point.
    Nobody can respect a thief like David Cameron.
    I fear you are rather arguing against yourself though!

  159. 159
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    That’s a 100% increase on last month. Liebour, the achieve nothing party.

  160. 160
    Anonymous says:

    At least with train crashes you get enquiries and prosecutions

    Will there be enough left afterwards to do the investigation?

    Will they be prosecuted?

  161. 161
    Sticky Bun says:

    Is it me or does Milburn just seem very, very thick?

  162. 162
    Common or Garden Upper Middle Class Chap says:


    You find it so hard to disguise your envy, don’t you?

    Boris could probably buy your whole street with with cash and you just can’t stand it, can you?

    You actually think you can make a principle out of jealousy!

    You are hilarious.

    But you are also nothing but a pleb.

  163. 163
    Master Baiter says:

    Where’s the outrage, is it because he is blonde?
    Boris Johnson tried to claim £16.50 for a Remembrance Sunday wreath on his expenses while he was Henley’s MP.
    He claimed £85,299 between 2004 and 2008 for his constituency home near Thame.
    Mr Johnson’s annual salary as an MP was £64,766 and in his last year he declared outside earnings of £340,000 to £405,000

  164. 164
    Scallywag says:

    I must stay up with a good bottle of St Emillion and watch the fun develop on Sky News…

    I have been waiting a long time for this!

  165. 165
    Master Baiter says:

    There’s an article about you on the BBC website.

  166. 166
    Anonymous says:

    but he does have a hankering for the chipmunk

  167. 167
    Ashamed of W.W. says:

    Most local councils seem to have details of polling stations on their websites. Or if you have your polling card with you, you could type the address on the polling card into Google maps.

  168. 168
    Dr Feelgood says:

    I Wish Dan was my MEP, if only because of this:

  169. 169
    View from the boundary says:

    Every voice in the Cabinet should be an important voice; I’ve been contemplating Ms Blears’ resignation.

    Is it moral for her deep, and doubtless sincerely-held, desire to reconnect with her Salford constituents to come before the duty to the UK’s communities she committed to when accepting the Cabinet position?

    Surely the moral position is that Ms Blears should remain in the Cabinet.

  170. 170
    Slobberdown Menob says:

    Vote Nationalist!
    It pisses off our resident wanker no end.

  171. 171
    slightly anonymous says:

    great link – thank you

  172. 172
    k.b. says:

    Bob, you hit the nail on the head!

  173. 173
    Fred Goodwin's Goose Palace says:

    And would be infinitely more entertaining.

  174. 174
    M.T.BUCKET says:

    The jury is out, trial over almost, verdict shortly. The judge looking a bit peeved would’nt want to be on the recieving end of the expected guilty verdict.

  175. 175
    k.b. says:

    He coat tails all the super rich super citizens and procures passports for them.
    What’s Noble about that Noble Lord, the Lord of Sleaze? He was not elected, he was invited by like-minded people.!

  176. 176
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Next door have probably got several Rottweillers

  177. 177
    Ivor Mill from Biggin Hill says:

    Just watched the BBC news, over 20 minutes of that fucking yank in Cairo, anything to avoid showing how deep in the shit the slimy wobbly gob jock twat really is, the fucking BBC should be closed down

  178. 178
    Anonymous says:

    guido you really should look at the mep declarations and start with your friends

  179. 179
    Anonymous says:

    you dont need one

  180. 180
    slightly anonymous says:

    are you sure?

    got two cleaning my moat as we speak

  181. 181
    Gordon's glass eye says:

    Wanted: Any surviving Heinkel pilots. Experience of missions over the London area preferable. Target. Ein Schweinhunde Brown, purported leader of formerly Great Britain.

    Target is holed up in his bunker underneath Number 10 Downing Street. Collatoral damage is acceptable if it is limited to his Darling next door and any acoloytes who happen to be receiving their orders. Master Baiter in particular would be a valued scalp.

    Email gordonmustgo.com

  182. 182
  183. 183
    Chantelle O'Shea says:

    It’s all rather disturbing to note that so few here can see beyond the system that currently masquerades as “democracy.” Labour, Tory, Liberal, call ‘em what you will, there’s no point in discussion before the removal of those lacking the imagination or simply too thick to understand the basic tenets of democracy. You can pick your individuals, Brown and his staggeringly corrupt clowns, Cameron, the moat brigade, the refusal to even consider proportional representation or the ending of an unelected body of law makers called “the Lords” (in 2009, no less), or Clegg and his dodgy bunch of donors and assorted losers hollerin’ for gravy on the train that never ends…

    No, they have all got to go. And I mean all, including the luvvies that support them, and the institutions that deny equal opportunity to the talented as they reserve occupations for their mates. Today we learn, for instance, that the BBC has fought tirelessly to deny access to the salaries paid to presenters. Sounds a tad familiar, that. The fact is that this country has never had any democracy at all: it has always been a plutocracy. It is a plutocracy fiercely defended by something euphemistically known as “the establishment,” a phrase that is nothing other than a byword for misery for millions in this country.

    Don’t let them fob you off with the empty panacea of “reform.” Resist the cliches of “root and branch” this or that. ALL of these clowns understand that real reform would mean the end of the line for them. And that won’t be allowed to happen. In the interests of self respect, I refuse to play their games anymore. I’m better than that.

  184. 184
    Shire Tory says:

    Put Europe to one side for now – on second thoughts permanently. I live in one of the few remaining Labour Shires. Let’s get shut of those first. Of course ‘Buff’ Hoon lives here, so he may nee to flip home.

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    Exactly MI6 – I feel like a turkey voting for Christmas…

  186. 186
    albacore says:

    Easy on the popcorn – not a great combination with beer – or it may not be Brown getting stuffed that monopolises your attention.

  187. 187
    Lord Mandleson says:

    I assure you they are already loose.

  188. 188
    Anonymous says:

    yes, time for the full transparency

  189. 189
    Anonymous says:


  190. 190
    Silvio Tanner says:




  191. 191
    Master Baiter says:

    Vote for Mr Bean Pea brain, they have an excellently camp leader, who thinks of himself as a legendary creature with the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle. Then we can organise and kick them and their followers off the streets, the fascist scum.

  192. 192
    Stronghold Barricades says:

    At least he brings his own cat

  193. 193

    No ministers in Government – just what I like at the end of a long day.

  194. 194
    Ted says:

    Greens to beat the insufferable Liberals would perhaps be even more fun than Greens to beat doomed Labour. Bring it on.

  195. 195
    An indignant sheep says:

    Hazel, I served with Geoffrey Howe : I knew Geoffrey Howe; Geoffrey Howe was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no ZZzzzzzzzzzz…

  196. 196
    Augeas says:

    Labour party membership is a LOT less than 450,000 – it was 176000 in December 2007 and can hardly have increased since then.
    C of E should be disestablished for its own good. It’s absurd to have a religion (ie full on set of beliefs) where a monarch is titular head, particularly given the chequered history of ours, and the Prime Minister approves appointments. JC was quite strong on separation of church and state.
    If we were officially atheist, or at least neutral towards religion, there would be no pretext for making special cases for Islamists.

  197. 197

    Oh dear..those hoodies you paid £10 to vote liebour just drunk it. The confused granny ticked the right boxes but couldn’t remember her name..
    Its not going well so far Mr Baiter.
    But don’t worry. plenty of immigrants in our street. Our lads have got some fake dept of immigration I.D’s . we’l scare the fuckers into giving us a few votes.
    Hang on Gordon! Master Baiter and the grim council estate crew is coming..

  198. 198
    Alvin Stardust says:

    When will the media stop going on about ‘Blair Babes’ they are not babes; could you imagine magazines with pictures of Patricia Hewitt in her pants lying on satin sheets with a come hither look in her eyes or Five Bellies giving us the lowdown on her sex life. No it’s just wrong, please stop.

  199. 199
    Margy says:

    Now you are repeating yourself you mad creature.

    Whatever you try to spin the fact still remains that out of the top 20 troughing MPs, 2 are tory, 2 are liberal and 16 labour. I think that says it all.

    You are a bad loser and a coward – but then that probably doesn’t bother you as you seem to be a blatent shameless liar.

  200. 200
    Election Delivery Unit says:

    10.45 am: Brown reports turnout is 101% and climbing. All votes counted so far have been cast for Labour. Shredders working well.

  201. 201
    George Osborne says:

    ‘Ere stop messin’ abaahht!

    Did you see me, they let me out yesterday, well I can’t really remember much now, but I’m sure they did, I saw the sun, definitely, I did, I did, I DID !!

    Let go, let go of me!

  202. 202
    k.b. says:

    Why didn’t Labour rescind all the Tory legislations en masse? They were elected with landslide majorities. The first thing they did was to boost their own pensions and remove all the Tory tax refunds in PEPs and pension fund investments.

  203. 203
    Dr Feelgood says:

    Not just bullied. Many would have been unloved by their parents, hence why the socialist desires the state as a mother substitute.

  204. 204
    cutofyourjib says:

    Haha, brilliant!

  205. 205
    M.T.BUCKET says:

    I can and will give him my vote, hope that makes you feelgood Dr.

  206. 206
    MrPeregrination says:

    Cheers. I don’t have a polling card unfortunately but I rang the council a little while ago to make sure I was registered so I’m not worried. I guess I’ll have to ring them again and ask them where to go to cast my “F off you thieving bastards” vote.

    Happy voting people!

  207. 207
    Slobberdown Menob says:

    Well said Sir!
    Be nice if we could send David Blunkett to do a spot of mine clearance.
    I’ll supply his ear defenders!

  208. 208
    k.b. says:

    Corporate BBC is the voice of the establishment; no doubt about that.

  209. 209
    Mr Ned says:

    I would be happy with the tories getting 21%, UKIP 20% Jury team 20% English Democrats 19%, BNP 10% no2eu 8% and the rest of the treasonous bastards fighting over the last 2 %

    I would prefer Jury Team getting somewhere near 80%, but clearly the country has not evolved out of our conditioning enough for that yet.

    Too many people are still falsely conditioned into believing the lies which get us to sacrifice our freedoms to a party system which is set up to benefit the parties instead of the people voting for them.

  210. 210
    Giles says:

    Haven’t had so much fun in ages.

    This is the gift that will keep on giving. Labours party rules are so rigid that any new leader won’t be upon us until September at the earliest – so the nation can look forward to Labour tearing itself apart in public over the summer.

  211. 211
    The Kirk says:

    Presbyterianism is really catching on!

  212. 212
    Gordon Brown says:

    you rang?

  213. 213
    Anonymous says:


  214. 214
    JMT says:

    Sounds good to me.

    Unfortunately in Northern Ireland we are not allowed to have proper elections – just periodic tribal headcounts.

    Really hope that there is a UKIP guy. DUP/UUP/SDLP/Sinn Fein are all a shower of troughing arseholess.

  215. 215
    This is a Prime Minister who.. says:

    Surprised that Gordon Brown is still hanging on?


    * This is a Prime Minister that cannot read: he has half sight in one eye

    * This is a Prime Minister that cannot write: see his recent letters scribbled with a black marker pen

    * This is a Prime Minister that cannot hear: he reiles on a small band of acolytes to tell him what he cannot see

    * This is a Prime Minister that cannot speak: see his stuttering performances and jaw-dropping evasion

    * This is a Prime Minister who cannot smell: he couldn’t smell a plot if it was stewed in garlic and rubbed in his face.

    This is a man completely cut off from the world, reliant on a couple of malcontents and thugs for guidance. No wonder we are where we are.

  216. 216
    Silvio Tanner says:






  217. 217
    Anonymous says:

    Nail on head Ripper ..

    Socialists are just those who lack the backbone to be Communists ..

    The present Conservatives have mislaid the spine to be true Tories ..

    Whilst the Liberal-Dumbo-Prats dither on the fence .. waiting to see who they can be new “best friends” with next ..

    They’ll all get what they deserve ..

  218. 218
    W.W. says:

    Turncoats the lot of them
    Them voting for these bunch of fucking retards have allowed them to destroy the very fabric of this country.

    Which mine and your children and Grandchildren will pay for, both financially and socially.

    But it’s OK becuase now they have seen the light. Too late, way to fucking late.
    They didn’t mind voting for that nice Mr Blair, and now they don’t mind voting for that nice Mr Cameron.

    I and others have been screaming from the rooftops about these cuunts for years, only now at the fall of Berlin, there are no members of the Nazi Party, and no one knew anything about the gas chambers.
    To any lefties on here to thick to understand I was using that as a metaphor.


  219. 219
    Gonzo porn says:

    Could be worse – what if they were in bed together?

    There’s a lovely mental image for you all.

  220. 220
    Gordon Brown says:

    no but Jess will

  221. 221
    Mick says:

    The prat should be fed to the pigs aswell.

  222. 222
    Sub Editor says:

    Voting Day Tips:

    Local Government: Vote for the people doing a good job and those that promise to cut non-jobs at Town Hall. It’s important you think local.

    Euro elections; Personally I am going to write “I will not validate this undemocratic institution” all over the ballot paper. I will use my hard-earned vote but I will not be responsible for sending someone over there to suck up taxpayers money and to sit around and have no effect whatsoever. I live in Britain, and, much as I despise the current bunch of shits, I want to be governed by my own elected NATIONAL government. If the majority of the vote was spoiled -THAT would send a message.

    And before you window-lickers have a go, UKIP are a bunch of dangerous, self-indulgent, pointy headed saddos who I would not even share a lift with.

  223. 223
    grandma B says:

    Agree with you – I’m off to vote now! Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize!!!

  224. 224
    Mary Hinge says:

    If you’ve just moved you won’t be on the voters’ list at your new place. You’ll be still registered to vote at your last abode, and you can go back there and vote.
    Should you by some chance be eligible to vote at your new place, ask your neighbours where the polling station is.

  225. 225
    Gordon Brown says:


  226. 226
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Afghanistan-NGNG – agree wholeheartedly with your general thesis but have to disagree with one point of great importance.

    If only you guys were dying (and let’s not forget those whose lives are permanently blighted by injury) for the NuLab shower it would at least be to protect British subjects, despicable though many are.

    But you are not.

    You are protecting the corrupt govt of Afghanistan, shoring up its drug-baron warlords (a.k.a. ministers) in the hope of a better future, eventually.

    And what is that future? Read the constitution of Afghanistan – it’s online on their website – which says that the foundation of the state is Sharia Law.

    So British blood is being spilt in the cause of a Sharia state.

    It’s the same lunatic logic as causes bankrupt Britain to give millions in development aid to China, and to India (which it spends on nuclear weapons and a space programme).

    And to allow Sinn Fein’s 10 absentee Westminster MPs each to claim £24,000+ per year for housing allowance.

    And to allow Brown to escape blame for the closing of all but four of the big-firm final salary pension schemes via his £5bn p.a. tax raid.

    And the rest. All brought to you in the name of socialism, my friends. These people are off their trolleys.

  227. 227
    albacore says:

    If you didn’t get a polling card, like W M, phone the local authority to check that your name is on the Electoral Register.

  228. 228
    Frank says:

    ‘Tis no more than a wet dream. The mentalist will not step down, before or after the elections today and there is not enough testosterone between the front bench to mount a serious challenge.

    He might otherwise find it difficult to form a Cabinet however he has all the higher paid jobs within his gift and so will find it relatively easy to win hearts and minds.

    What we should all be more fearful of is the reported comment that he will only leave number ten in a box.

    And that brings into question the next GE.

    Fuck me, just imagine the mentalist as PM FOREVER

  229. 229
    Vultures says:

    Well done Mr P, and don’t speak to any nasty socialists on the way.

  230. 230
    Right-wing social engineer says:

    Greens are far-left twats. Liberals need to do well to help them replace Labour as the second party. Socialism must be killed off forever.

  231. 231
    Gordon's glass eye says:

    Mandy defending his ‘pal’ GB today. Picture the scene last night. Brown begs Fondlebum to help him:

    Oh Mandy

    Well you came and you gave without taking
    but I sent you away, oh Mandy
    well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
    And I need you today, oh Mandy

    Yesterday’s a dream I face the morning
    Crying on the breeze
    the pain is calling, oh Mandy

    Well you came and you gave without taking
    but I sent you away, oh Mandy
    well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
    And I need you today, oh Mandy

  232. 232
    grandma B says:

    How can that be? I haven’t voted yet, but I’m certainly going to.

  233. 233
    Anonymous Misogynist says:


    Everything you love, you fear you will lose.

    Think about it.

    Now you may go.

  234. 234
    Derek Draper says:

    Oh do SHUT UP

  235. 235
    Anonymous says:

    Do not worry. The “hordes” know they will only get their next fix by voting NeoLabour. There is no way labour will crash and burn in a general election. There are too many people that know their handouts will stop.

    That has been the policy. Maximize the dependents, both low paid and the rich troughers. The relaxation of banking regulation, relaxation of privacy regulation (selling your information) and loss of manufacturing, has resulted in a country full of loyal Labour supporters that can not afford to let them out of their real promises.

    It is certainly nothing to do with socialism. Just plain greed and bribery. The whole housing boom, and section 106 bribes and affordable housing is the next troughers fraud.

  236. 236
    W.W. says:

    See my above reply.

    Don’t be ashamed on my account,

    I have been ashamed of this government for the last twelve years.

    I have been ashamed of my country the fact there have been enough people to vote them into power three fucking times, even after the illegal Iraq war.

    I have been ashamed about the fact they sent our soldiers to die in the afore mentioned illegal war without the right equipment.

    I been visiting Guido’s site since the days when if he got 20 posts it was a good day.

    And have been trying to enlighten people about these fuckers since before May 1997.

    Save your shame for those who deserve it


  237. 237
    Frank says:

    Oh, go on.

  238. 238
    Ballot Box Billy says:

    or 99% once the postal votes are counted.

  239. 239
    Anonymous says:

    All I can hope is that there is much screaming and lots of blood when the SS ZaNuLabour slips beneath the waves.

    And no stopping to pick up survivors.

  240. 240
    Mr Ned says:

    I used to like the House of Lords. It was a quaint throwback to a bygone era when the Bill of Rights was recognised and people were free. It’s undemocratic nature meant that it could hold the “democratic” (so called) chamber to account without fear. It was a pretty good check and balance against executive abuse. It was not perfect by any means, but it was not too bad at it’s job either.

    It has offered the British people more protection from the abuses of the tory and labour parties police state models, than any other organisation could.

    If it were not for the House of Lords, the labour Government would still have indefinite/permanent detention without charge or trial happening in this country. Never mind your 42 days controversy, Labour tried to get permanent detention passed for foreign “suspects” (groups of people, 80%+ of which are entirely innocent). Labour had plans to further extend the indefinite detention of “suspects” to be applicable to British nationals too.

    Thank the House of Lords for defeating that Stalinist measure.

    However, I would agree to a radical restructuring of the Lords if it meant that we could be free of that vile creature; Mandelscum.

  241. 241
    albacore says:

    Blush! You beat me to it by 8 Minutes Mr P.

  242. 242
    Master Baiter says:

    Are you trying to be provocative when you refer to people as plebs or are you simply trying to detract from the cheapskate Boris Johnson and his face wreathed in smiles after he claims for the overheads of remembering those killed serving their country?
    If Boris Johnson had any class he wouldn’t have claimed for a Remembrance Wreath, would he?

  243. 243
    Thats News says:

    A profile of every European Election candidate

    Bit late -only got this information a few minutes ago, but better late than never! Might be useful…

  244. 244
    Socialism is dead in the UK says:

    Theres an article about you in the wankers weekly under the heading wanker of the week.

  245. 245
    Charles E. Hardwidge says:

    The great work of Lao Tzu treats the cosmogony of the world and the subsequent organization of the material universe by the guiding hand of the celestial soul or tian-po. For the sake of indulging the ignorance of the proles, the celestial soul endowed knowledge of its awesome secrets to select heroes. Gordon Brown is one such of these heroes. As one of the few surviving masters, born out of the chaos of the primeval election, and reared in the nursery-manse of human valour and genius – Scotland -, as recorded in holy books by the Immortal Philosopher, he alone of Britain’s politicians stands able to shepherd you proles into the new world.

    In this post-democratic, neo-feudal, LGBT-friendly and all-transcending world, you proles without the State are nothing, and similarly the State without brutal, absolute Nu Labour domination is nothing. The malevolent Tory-spirits who blighted the primeval election have, as foretold in the Gwar-dian-ing, returned, and only Brussels can preserve us. This is why do-nothing, mealy-mouthed Cameron is predestined to fail; disregarding the blessed advent of EU dictatorship, with native British collaborators delegated wheelie-bin powers, i.e. Rule by Quango. Not so one-eyed is Brown and his disciple Balls, he who is untainted by sin (along with that succulent and virginal minx Yvette).

    This strikes a note of conceptual similarity with my invention Fidelity Graphics, as it descants upon multiplatform progressive scam spooling, of which you proles may enlighten yourselves by perusal of my bestselling pamphlet, F.L.O.P.S. (Floating Operations per Second) or How I learnt to Stop Thinking and Embrace Clock-speed Megahertz Processing.

    The event of this coming mortals’ election is of no heavenly consequence, as Gordon knows. In his electoral annihilation, is his spiritual victory.

    To close, I should like to quote a line from the inaugural oration of the veracious Barack, he who is full of fu-king bol-lo-xia, or “who speaks with the courageous tongue of the dragon”, as he ridiculed, by paraphrasing, that evil individualist Reagan; “In this present crisis, freedom is not the answer to our problems – Freedom is the Problem.”

    Wouldst thou not be led astray by the waywardness of thine moral compasses, the unPresbyterianness of thine consciences? O!, wert thou unmoved by the hardness of Tory hearts, and the avarice of Guido’s belly!

    And, to gratify your proletarian, uninitiated curiosity, that secret kept firm in Brown’s bowels? The secret of Gordon’s character lies in its perfection…

  246. 246
    Mr Ned says:

    True enough!

  247. 247
    Master Baiter's rusty star says:

    More likely about me.

  248. 248
    Mike Hodges says:

    The only way anyone will get Brown out of No. 10 is by using a group of large men, a couple of crowbars and a large jar of industrial strength Vaseline!

    Frankly, Gordo The Yellow is, was and always will be the best thing to ever happen to the Conservatives. His manifest incompetence and appalling public persona are a godsend to David Cameron. In fact old David could just sit back and watch while Gordo beats himself.

  249. 249
    Long Word Willy says:

    That’s bestiality at best and necrophilia at worst.

  250. 250
    JMT says:

    Hope the postal voting does not mess things up.

    I heard that the final figures for Glenrothes were:

    Tory: 5%
    LibDem: 5%
    SNP: 63%

    while the other 76% voted Labour!

  251. 251
    Frank says:

    Workers of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains………..

  252. 252
    Parish Councillor says:

    Margy – lies and thieves all of them (say 95%)

    A thief is a thief, a liar a liar. Transends party politics.

    Kick them out. Let them live in the real world.

  253. 253
    Anonymous says:

    Do you live in Berlin ?.

  254. 254
    Mr Ned says:

    The count does not start until Tomorrow morning :(

    Oh well, I shall be up bright and early for that, AND the start of the fight for the heart and soul of the labour party as they tear themselves to bits, thrashing around for an idea!

  255. 255
    The Master says:

    Charlie F was never elected to anything.He is a beneficiary of friendship,Blairs.
    Dale is moaning about ballot boxes being too small.Claptrap.You just fold the ballot paper.Simple origami for voters.By 8.10 this morning a total of 10 people had voted in my Acton central vote station,so there will be plenty of room in the ballot box.

  256. 256
    Constantine says:

    Always liked the idea of a federal center right Christian Europe. No real time for the “mother of Parliaments” rubbish, it has always been a Lab/Con talking shop with a bit of flunky ceremony thrown on for plebs. Who to vote for today Europe is screwed because the parliament is a servant of the Commision and our own Parliament is a joke?

  257. 257
    Slobberdown Menob says:

    Master Baiter says:
    June 4, 2009 at 10:45 am

    Vote for Mr Bean Pea brain, they have an excellently camp leader, who thinks of himself as a legendary creature with the body of a lion and the head and wings of an eagle. Then we can organise and kick them and their followers off the streets, the fascist scum.

    See! Told You!
    Sends him totally of his trolley. ;0)
    His comments give you some insight into what our resident wanker thinks of democracy.

  258. 258
    Frank says:

    Oh, all right MB, its because he is blonde.

    How did you guess?

  259. 259
    Millionaire says:

    Nothing wrong with being a millionaire, provided you have made the money honestly yourself, like Heseltine, rather than by fraud like Blair, Hoon or Mandelson or inheritance like Cameron. The real problem with Cameron is the same as all the NuLab gang – he has never had a proper responsible job. Nothing wrong with being a postie either, other than it doesn’t give you any experience of management.

  260. 260
    Socialism is dead in the UK says:

    Taken a couple of days off to enjoy the sun and the end of Mc Doom and his
    government of retards.Been looking forward to this for the last 12 years.

    Is it too much to ask that Snotty is going to be dragged screaming from no 10
    and face the Court of Public Opinion.

    Vote for anyone other than Labour and give them all the biggest fuck off in history.

  261. 261

    1. Common Market was a business arrangement, not rule from Brussels.
    2. Do you believe that the State should run the country?
    3. The heavily unionised manufacturing labour force had already fatally wounded British Leyland and other manufacturers before the Tory arrival in 1979.
    4. Myopically mishandled multiculturalism has done far more to divide the country that the Maggon – and she didn’t say “there’s no such thing as society”, or indeed mean anything of the sort: do please look the quote up before repeating it.
    5. Interesting then that it was a Labour manifesto commitment to leave undisturbed most of what they inherited in 1997.

  262. 262
    deeznuts says:

    hence the term….as greedy as a pig !

  263. 263
    Screaming Lord Sutch says:

    Gordon is nore dead than I am. Vote insanity – you know it makes sense.

  264. 264
    Grytpype-thynne says:

    Your comment is spot on.Any other PM would have gone long ago;Brown will not quit voluntarily.He KNOWS he is the cleverest man on the planet and that to be PM is his due.His party will lose catastrophically today but he will carry on to final victory.

  265. 265
    Mr Singh says:

    Can someone please explain exactly what all the above rambling nonesense actually means.

  266. 266
    The Dark Lord says:

    toss off

  267. 267
    Churchillian says:

    Great delivery, better than Cameron. What’s he doing in Europe?

  268. 268
    Apostrophe bee says:

    Maybe could take you seriously if you went away and learned about apostrophes.

  269. 269
    English Liberation Front says:

    Keep trying Marcus. No-one is interested in your pathetic attempts to divert attention from the real elephant in the room. The one, the only, unlovely, useless, serially demented and delusional Gordon Brown.

    The idiot that you stupid lefto-fascists rooted for in your tribal covens, plotting and planning the great socialist revolution. The biggest student-union wally in the land, leading a midget cabinet of pea-brained incompetents with a talent only for treachery and dissembling.

    Proud of all that? You’re an even bigger idiot than your troll posts suggest.

  270. 270
    Gordon Brown says:

    would you like a cup of tea?

  271. 271
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Alan Johnson proved his unsuitability to lead some years ago. For some reason he had been placed in a position of influence that allowed him to deal with public sector pensions.

    With much huffing and puffing he announced that he would review the final-salary arrangement universal among public employees as it could no longer be afforded. (And that was a few years before Brown bankrupted us.)

    Predictably, the NuLab’s TU paymasters rose up in wrath and a day later he mumbled something about preserving hallowed arrangements and not a word more was heard.


    (1) He has enough intelligence to recognise the bleedin’ obvious;
    (2) He speaks his mind accordingly;
    (3) He is an abject coward and cannot be trusted with responsibility.

    Oh, and (4) He’s the best that NuLab can manage.

  272. 272
    Grytpype-thynne says:

    How very interesting .

  273. 273
    g.o.b.b.l.e.r. says:

    I am thinking of sampling some ginger chutney

  274. 274

    You missed the verse about the rectal probe and the teabagging.

  275. 275
    solopolis says:

    Well said!

    I propose that the next time our repugnant leaders decide that we should go to war, that they should lead by example. If they make cause for military action, they should be the first in with bayonets at the ready.

    Appoint only Defence Ministers that have a military background. The current incumbent is no more than a lecturer of law from a middling old polytechnic.

  276. 276
    JMT says:

    Visit GrumpyOldSod.com

    He always has a “Wanker Of The Week”.

    He is always looking for new nominations as well.

  277. 277
    one-eyed jack. says:

    It`s all a game, and will the voters, especially the newly redundant, and the cloth capped, choose an ex-postie, with a moderate intellect, or an ex-etonian with a smooth manner, an extensive manor house, a large portfolio of investments, and an ambition to extend those investments?

    Most will realise that one party went for moats, ducks, and third homes, whilst the other lot went for pornfilms, television sets, and second homes.

  278. 278
    Gordon Brown says:

    But I am full of COURAGE

    Anyway, I’m not going anywhere. You people will have one helluva fight to get me out of here. I am the right man for the job and I’m getting on with it. Now PISS OFF.

  279. 279
    I did not say this / you did not hear it says:

    rumour / the Telegraphs disk is going walkabout or someone who has access to the original / said to be in negotiation with another broadsheet / might all be rushbridge / sorry rubbish

  280. 280
    Silvio Tanner says:



  281. 281
    Richard the Lion heart says:

    On a different note saw this on petition site:

    postmortems should be stopped. as a muslim we believe that the deceased can still hear and feel everything..this is a disgusting act that mocks are faith. i strongly believe that postmortems should be banned and the law should have a minimum understanding of religion. i find it very disrespectful and it hurts me greatly to think that even when a death is of an obvious reason, postmortems are still carried out. myself being a british citizen is terrified to die in this country due to what the law requires on the deceased. i understand that postmortems take place to determine the cause of death. in some cases postmortems do come of an help but if the deceased wishes not to have a postmortem carried out, these wishes should strongly be respected. please take my views..and the same views of millions across the country and consider making postmortems optional.myself and many others believe the decision should be left with the family of the deceased whether or not the postmortem should be carried out

    Who do these people? think they are ?

    Role on the crusade………..

  282. 282

    If you’re an Alan Johnson supporter, does that mean you’re only allowed to postal vote?

  283. 283
    JMT says:

    Vote Labour.

  284. 284
    Camouflage says:

    There’s an old Italian saying: “In every joke there is a kernel of truth”. It definitely applies to that link.

    Unfortunately for Brown there have been almost no “good days to bury bad news” recently. Even the Air France plane crashed into sea thousands of miles from any cameras.

    That’ll be the curse of Jonah.

  285. 285
    bandersnatch says:

    Despair must be percolating down even to the cheerful types in Labour party offices who make sure the freebie post local/EU election leaflets are sent out

    We had Tory and Liberal, we had UKIP, BNP, Green, even Libertas but from Labour, new or otherwise – nada.

  286. 286
    Paul J says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed voting as much as I did this morning. Putting my own little nail in Gordon Brown’s political coffin was an almost orgasmic experience.

    After 12 long years of being over taxed, lectured to and treated like a child by that economically illiterate socialist, it felt so good to be able contribute in a small way to his complete destruction.

    Given his culpability in almost all of Labour’s worst decisions there is something excquisite about seeing him as the captain of the ship hitting the iceberg. And hopefully what we will now see is the Labour Party turning on him and confirming what we all know- that he was a lousy Chancellor and the worst Prime Minister in recent history. I want to see him consigned to the political garbage pile without a shred of his reputation left intact. Hopefully his desrtruction will be so complete that he won’t ever dare to raise his head above the parapet and comment on any political issue. He simply isn’t worth listening to.

  287. 287
    Silvio Tanner says:


  288. 288
    It doesn't add up... says:

    I’ve seen reports that UKIP are complaining because voting papers have been double folded prior to being handed out so that their candidate’s listing is hidden by the second fold.

    Some ballot papers are over 50cm/20″ long. That’s probably at least twice as long as even for a by-election that attracts a lot of loony fringe candidates. I can believe that some ballot boxes may prove too small. Folding won’t change the volume of the paper. Tearing it in half and discarding part of it might though…

  289. 289
    Anonymous says:

    The Greens are for the abolition of the monachy, complete nuclear disarmament and the legalisation of all narcotic drugs… I was going to say that was against to views and aspirations of most Brits- but then I thought again…

  290. 290
    Sub Editor says:

    He won’t go you know.

    The stuff about being carried out of No 10 in a box is bang on the money.

    And that INCLUDES the next General Erection – watch this space for a Government of National Unity by September – present dreadful conditions, only way we can get through this as a nation, cancel election la-di-dah-di-dah.

    You only need to know one thing about the Fife bullyboy:

    He is NO democrat. He hates the very concept. The perfect Soviet who was born on the wrong side of the Don.

  291. 291
    Anonymous says:

    I’d sooner be “Fascist scum” .. than a “Socialist slime-ball” ..

    Just toddle off & thrash your acorn .. there’s a good lad ..

  292. 292
    Master Baiter says:

    European predictions
    CON 24, LAB 22, UKIP 17, GRN 15, LDEM 14,

  293. 293
    Margy says:

    I agree. It is that twit Master Baiter who tries to bring party politics into it. However, it is factual regarding the top 20.

  294. 294
    WorkingClassOracle says:

    What he’s trying to say is that Gordon Brown’s some sorta bleedin angel what’s got a destiny worked out that’s gonna end him in the poo.

  295. 295
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    A small minority are twats, the rest are normal human beings. In fact, much like Christians, Jews, Hindu’s, Sikhs, Buddhists etc etc. Comments like role (sic) on the Crusades are just ridiculous. Voting for the Bee Enn Pee are you?

  296. 296
    13eastie says:

    Watching Obama on Sky News…

    A masterful speech in progress.

    Why do the Yanks get him, and we get the fat, chippy, pig-headed, jealous piece of shit that is Gordon Brown?

  297. 297
    Blake's7 says:

    I think my 9mm would have something to say about that one.

  298. 298
    Headmaster says:

    Perhaps, once you’ve mastered the rather basic art of punctuation, you can start criticising others for their mistakes…”its” should be “it’s“, you pedantic twat.

  299. 299
    Master Baiter says:

    Hey dribbles down your chin,
    Read it again, think.
    Run along

  300. 300
    Cecil Parkinson says:

    I can imagine that.

  301. 301
    Dan Brusca says:

    Are you sure about this, Guido?

    I can’t shake the feeling that this is all going to fizzle out into nothing as it has so often before.

  302. 302
    Blake's7 says:

    and the shitting on the glass coffee table and the rimming.

  303. 303
    Mickey Winner says:

    “Calm down, dear – it’s only a blog”

  304. 304
    Laney says:

    I’ve had 4 BNP leaflets through the door, 1 Conservative and not one Labour?

    If Labour can’t be arsed why should I?

  305. 305
    Gordon's glass eye says:

    Mandy issued an injunction against those ones!

  306. 306
    Anonymous says:

    “Where’s the outrage, is it because he’s blonde?”

    And where’s your outrage at the Labour MPs who did exactly the same thing? Is it because you’re blind? Too much master baiting, eh?

  307. 307
    MrPeregrination says:

    If I had been in the country at the time I would have voted for Blair the first time to get rid of the aweful bunch who came before him. I wouldn’t have voted for him again once he showed his true colours. I certainly wont be voting for that idiot Cameron. I gave him due consideration but he failed miserably with the expenses scandal. He’s just Tony Bliar junior. I’ll vote for some third party in the general election too – if I can be bothered casting a wasted vote. The electoral system needs changing desperately.

    Once again – just because people have a different view on the world to you it doesn’t make them wrong. Grow up and try seeing the world from more than your tiny little perspective.

  308. 308
    Tommy MacWellie says:





  309. 309
    Ratsniffer says:

    What is it about Labour? Whenever they are in charge they always spiral into catastrophe, debt, and ultimately failure. This seems to be the way with all socialist governments, the more extreme of which maintain their grip on the population by Stalinist methods of subjugation.

    This lot have tried that, and it’s failing – so far – so let’s hope that the next few weeks sees an end to the social engineering loving, spend thrift regime and that they have the good grace to call an election and let the people decide. I know that democracy goes against the socialist nature, but perhaps just this once….

  310. 310
    Jethro Q. Walrus-Titty says:

    Brown be gone, else I shall use the magic staff against thee.

  311. 311
    Kidney Bingoes says:

    I don’t think this is the real Hardwidge. A good pastiche but tongue seems to be firmly in cheek. Unless of course he’s really lost it…

  312. 312
    A Silent Emission of Bowel Gas says:

    When Daisy Cameron and his fags spew their version of goverment over us, I hope those who’ve been promising change will fucking apologise.

    There will be no difference. No difference at all.

    There can’t be.

    The EU now handles the bulk of our governance and simply won’t allow it.

  313. 313
    Paddy Pantsdown says:

    Me too.

  314. 314
    Master Baiter says:

    So do you find it acceptable for Boris Johnson on an income of over £600,000 pounds claiming £16.50 for a Remembrance Wreath?
    If you find it unacceptable, why the silence?
    If you find it acceptable, why the silence?

  315. 315
    Kidney Bingoes says:

    Are you the bloke who directed Get Carter?

  316. 316
    Ratsniffer says:

    Then we should tell the EU to stuff its poxy fishing quotas, fiddles, and subsidies for french farmers right up its hoon-hole.

  317. 317
    sir digby dirtbox says:

    invite the taliban over to behead the fucking lot of them .be worth the plane fare

  318. 318
    Anonymous says:

    Just seen this on Sky News site:

    “niallpaterson: Alan Sugar has just left Downing Street. Alan Sugar for Chancellor? ”

    More likely Alan Sugar said “Gordon, you’re fired”

  319. 319
    Alvin Stardust says:

    The guy is fucking a1 moron with a very inflated view of his own worth

  320. 320

    I see you must be using the same I(lo*)SP as me.

    *Lack Of

  321. 321
    NewGirl says:

    would love to see him in the Commons..sure I read somewhere that he was coming back?

  322. 322
    Colin says:


  323. 323
    artboyusa says:

    We can’t trust Dave to keep his promises on the EU, so a UKIP vote is the best way to (a) kick Gorgon in the nuts and (b) put Dave on notice that he better not sell us out on Europe, like every other lying, scumbag “its only a trade federation” politcian has done for the last forty years.

  324. 324
    Bob says:


  325. 325
    Augeas says:

    Liberals will always underperform until they get the plot on the EU

  326. 326
    NewGirl says:

    Only cuz she’d fallen out of favour though. otherwise you can be sure she’d be parroting her usual impossibly chirpy drivel on every channel. they are all just self interested.

  327. 327
    Dee Selleck-Brown says:

    Man ???

  328. 328
    Trough Mixture says:

    Presbyterianism is well defined by an old book I have on the shelf here. It’s a book of cartoons from the first half of last century, entitled ‘Mr Punch goes to Scotland’.

    The cartoon I have in mind is set in the single living room of a croft. A father and his son are seated opposite each other across a rustic table, heads bent over a chess board and looks of deep concentration upon their faces. Mother, holding a spoon and mixing bowl, is glowering at them from the kitchen. Per the legend she is saying, ” Ach Donal – ye’ll ruin yon laddie’s heid wi’ a’ your frivolous goin’s on!”

  329. 329
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    I think this might be the fake Charles E Hardwidge. The real one, when he honours us with his presence, posts as Charles Hardwidge. Otherwise, a pretty convincing parody – total bollocks dressed up as well thought out philosophy.

  330. 330
    Anonymous says:

    Good post, and he may try it, and I think he would have had a decent-ish chance if he’d done so in an alternative history scenario where the exes scandal hadn’t broken. But everyone’s seen through him now, and the Libs and Cons won’t wear it. Nor will we the people, not if we have any self-respect left.

  331. 331
    Bob says:

    They’re already here mate

  332. 332
    Blackthorn says:

    Just got this email

    UKIP is being inundated with calls from voters complaining that UKIP is not on the ballot paper.
    Voting has only been going on for three hours and already hundreds are calling the UK Independence Party to complain that they were not able to vote for the party.
    The problem is that Returning Officers have been folding the ballot papers. They have been folding them so that the last two, three or four parties in alphabetical order are hidden when the first fold of the paper is opened. It thus appears that UKIP is not on the ballot paper.
    UKIP has already contacted both the Electoral Commission and the Returning Officers on this matter.
    But it is important that the news gets out: that voters must make sure they completely unfold the ballot paper. And that Returning Officers and electoral officials must stop folding the ballot papers.
    We have had reports from Carlisle, from York, from Hampshire, Dartford and other places, showing that the problem is nationwide, not just an isolated incident.
    UKIP is collecting the names and addresses of those complaining and will be preparing the grounds for a legal challenge to the election result.

    Tim Worstall
    UKIP Press Office.
    0207 222 9365

  333. 333
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    Haven’t you got some fish you should be eating?
    Leave the politics to the grown ups Penguin.

  334. 334
    Frank Cook Labour MP says:

    Anyone spare a fiver ?? Gotta put something into the collection at Church.I’ll pay you back when I get it back from the Taxpayer

  335. 335
    Augeas says:

    Yes – the last pisstake of Flaccid was criticised for not mentioning the Tao, so this one’s got it in early, as well as the Fidelity Graphics lunacy.

  336. 336
    Eric Cantona says:

    No, I didn’t get a card either, although my wife did. Provided you are on the electoral register, your name will be on the list of registered voters at the polling station. I didn’t have any problems voting – but only the EU elections here. The voting slip was a yard long with all the no-hopers listed on there.

  337. 337
    Carnot says:

    Hello Ed. Ready for your new job as Jonah’s book cooker.

  338. 338
    Anonymous says:

    Is she in line for a ‘Portillo moment’? (one of many I hope)

  339. 339
    NewGirl says:

    why, MB, you still haven’t given us your take on Uddin and Moran. think we’ve been waiting, ohh 3 weeks or so?

  340. 340
    Anonymous Misogynist says:

    We understand your pain Master Baiter.

    Everything you love, you fear you will lose.

    Think about it.
    Now you may go.

    We’re also having a fuckin’ good laugh at you at your expense!

  341. 341
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    Cameron is a thief and Gideon is a clown who begged for money from a Russian villain.
    Go back to bed Ned.

  342. 342
    Dr Feelgood says:

    This is getting better – the experimental AI based on Hardwidge is getting closer to the real thing. The more detailed references to Tao and ‘graphics fidelity’ are a great improvement.

    Meanwhile, the real Hardwidge was on LabourList yesterday and as far as I can tell was about the only believer present.

  343. 343
    Strawberry Delight says:

    As this as a milkshake thickened with cornflour.

  344. 344
    Omar Little says:

    Thought Dale would be an expert at cramming things into small apertures

  345. 345
    Bob says:

    Well you know what they say about men and wanking – 90% wil admit to it and 10% are liars.

  346. 346
    Craigoh says:

    … D’oh! The above comment wasn’t meant to be anonymous, it was me – honest guv’ !

  347. 347
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Yeah, but it’s much more fun that she resigned.

  348. 348
    A. Darling Chancellor ( current ) says:

    What’s wrong with that ?? Those numbers look fine to me ??

  349. 349
    Goggle Translate says:

    The government of British Prime Minister Gordon Brown gets because of the expenses scandal increasingly compromised. One day before the European and local elections announced within 24 hours, the second minister in her resignation this week to.

    LONDON HB. Hazel Blears, department head for Kommunales, came on Wednesday as so shortly before the charges were also included in the affair became interior minister Jacqui Smith an expected cabinet reshuffle before. For the angezählten Brown, this was another low blow, because it was considered certain that he with the exchange of fallen out of favor ministers also wanted to demonstrate, still the control of Labor to have. Instead, in his own camp the votes after his resignation ever louder.

  350. 350
    Tourettes guy says:

    “Voting has only been going on for three hours and already hundreds are calling the UK Independence Party to complain that they were not able to vote for the party.

    The problem is that Returning Officers have been folding the ballot papers. They have been folding them so that the last two, three or four parties in alphabetical order are hidden when the first fold of the paper is opened. It thus appears that UKIP is not on the ballot paper.

    UKIP has already contacted both the Electoral Commission and the Returning Officers on this matter.

    But it is important that the news gets out: that voters must make sure they completely unfold the ballot paper. And that Returning Officers and electoral officials must stop folding the ballot papers.
    We have had reports from Carlisle, from York, from Hampshire, Dartford and other places, showing that the problem is nationwide, not just an isolated incident.

    UKIP is collecting the names and addresses of those complaining and will be preparing the grounds for a legal challenge to the election result.”

    – UKIP E-mail

    Wont be suprised if this is true, Electoral Commision, bunch of tossers.

  351. 351
    My Vote Never Counts says:

    Same here in the People’s Republic of South Yorkshire.

    The ballot paper could be used a loo roll (you might say that was a more useful purpose). The box was way too small. Previous voters’ papers were sticking out of the slot. A shambles, if you ask me.

  352. 352
    Craigoh says:

    Been to Finsbury Mosque lately?

  353. 353
    Hugh Janus says:

    If you don’t like our laws and traditions then no one is forcing you to remain here; you are free to leave whenever you like.

  354. 354
    Eric says:

    Well, having posted a couple of inane comments over the past 4 weeks, here’s my 3rd one.

    For the first time in 10 years I have got my sweet ass (ok I know … arse) down to the polling station and voted ….. Jury.


  355. 355
    Anonymous says:

    OT – strapline on Sky News : “Justice Secretary : Two French students would not have died if probation services had of been managed properly”.

    “HAD OF”…..What sort of English grammar is that? Standards have slipped since my day – my old English teacher Miss Ferguson would have vapourised us with her death ray stare if we had committed such a cardinal error.

  356. 356
    sed miles says:

    The Celtic tribal lands have way too many Westminster seats. England voted Conservative.

    Would like to know how fast we can get troops out of Helmand without shattering their morale. IMO the whole of the medieval inbred maniac population of ‘Stan wasn’t worth losing a single squaddie for. And that applies to anywhere else in the world where our fuckwit messianic student politicos propose to launch their next crusade.

  357. 357
    NewGirl says:

    Actually it doesn’t bother me in the least.

  358. 358
    G.Brown & R.Mugabe says:

    It’s a new system we both recommend

  359. 359
    Anonymous says:

    Final proof that Socialists don’t want us to have fun. At all. Evar.

    Enjoyed that feelgood factor when two Ministers resign on one day and another the next? Of course you did! And rightly so! But today …nothing. Not a sausage. Not a one of them has resigned. Now we feel a bit silly, a crescendo of mounting joy for two WHOLE days, and now comes this crashing tide of disappointment. And the bloody sun’s gone in, to complete the misery.

    How very dare they? They just don’t give a damn about our happiness. If Flint, for one, had any love for we the voters, she would have resigned just before polling opened -but did she hell as like. Doing it after polling has closed doesn’t give deliver us our well-earned happiness back, honey bunny, in case you were going there. Not so loyal to your sisterhood, now, are you?


  360. 360
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Normanton, aparrently. Check out http://www.edballs.com/ if you have a strong stomach….

  361. 361
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Or even “apparently”

  362. 362
    Ratsniffer says:

    I really hope he promotes Ed Schoolbullyballs. That will go down with the public like a sack of shit. Not to mention other labour MPs, who seem to hate him more than we do. It will be most entertaining…..go for it Snotty…

  363. 363
    Duntyping says:

    Are you on a typing course?

  364. 364
    Anonymous says:

    I will vote for any party that introduces compulsory post-mortems for all

  365. 365
    Lab Rat says:

    And the pathetic voter,votes Labour

  366. 366
    Anonymous says:


  367. 367
    NewGirl says:

    Has anyone heard how many names thought to be on the petition yet?

  368. 368
    Amstrad crap says:

    Lord Sugar of shitty old stereos.

  369. 369
    Craigoh says:

    Trouble is, they’re trying to take us all down with them. Scorched earth.

  370. 370
    Angela Ferkel says:

    Ihm war ‘s nicht!

  371. 371
    History Repeats Itself says:

    Is this the Al Jolson everyone is on about ??

  372. 372
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Wasn’t that referred to as like being savaged by a dead sheep? Perhaps the Blears version could go down in history as like being savaged by a dead gerbil.

  373. 373
    Victor Meldrew says:

    Shurely if she has balls then she must be keeping them behind her back?

  374. 374
    Craigoh says:

    Good comment, but surely it’s best directed at Charles E. Hardwidge…

  375. 375
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Mmmmm, Margaret Beckett

  376. 376
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    Are you saying that the ballot paper should not be folded at all?
    I had to unfold mine which was folded into three pages. I voted UKIP, of course but am concerned.

  377. 377
    Craigoh says:

    SS ZaNu Labour / Scorched earth

    D’oh! Gosh darn those mixed metaphors.


  378. 378
    Lab Rat says:

    I have now heard two commentators remark on Browns failing sight. This would explain his writing with felt tip,and may be his excuse to resign.

  379. 379
    Odds Bodkins says:



  380. 380
    Sylvia's Mother says:

    67 Dr Feelgood:

    Whole heartedly concur you are spot on in just about every way. Would just add to the list the breakdown of family and family values. Labours laws and endless legislation is mind blowing and a severe erosion of OUR civil liberties. Broon is serious menace to this country and needs to go NOW NOW NOW.

  381. 381
    Victor Meldrew says:

    The only people who should be allowed to stand for election as MPs are those who have completed at least 5 years service in HM Forces.

  382. 382
    Craigoh says:

    Might have come in useful at 8 o’clcock this morning…

  383. 383
    Eat Your Greens says:

    Get Caroline Lucas to sit on your face.

  384. 384
    Victor Meldrew says:

    Dead chipmunk, shurely?

  385. 385
    Craigoh says:

    GB as PM ad nauseam?

    I think the Gurkhas might have to intervene in that scenario.

  386. 386
    W.W. says:

    “just because people have a different view on the world to you it doesn’t make them wrong. Grow up and try seeing the world from more than your tiny little perspective”

    I agree, unless that different view involves voting Labour.

    As for a ‘tiny little mind’ well it was big enough to spot these lot for the bunch of lying, thieving snake oil salesmen that they are, even before they got into power.

    Anyway, you should definately vote, it’s what your ancestors fought and died for.


  387. 387
    Sylvia's Mother says:

    There is no way that any other party could do worse than this sorry excuse for a government. IMHO.

  388. 388
    My Daily Dose Of Outrage says:

    Great, let’s do the whole of last month again. It was fun.

  389. 389
    Craigoh says:

    Usually vote Liberal, but their rabidly pro EU stance is putting me right off them.
    At least Libertas are trying to reform the bloody Brussells louts.

  390. 390
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    Don’t neccessarily agree Victor but certainly the Minister for Armed Services should have done so.

  391. 391
    Karma Chav says:

    Simple. We get the politicians we deserve.

  392. 392
    Bob says:


  393. 393
    Amstraddling Widdecombe says:

    You forget the hugely popular Amstrad e-m@iler

  394. 394
    Sugar Porkies says:

    I sold at least four of those

  395. 395
    Anonymous says:

    That’s the way the cookies crumble.

  396. 396
    Craigoh says:

    Any surviving Heinkel pilots might be inclined to leave McBroon in place; he’s screwing up the country worse than anything Hitler managed to do.

  397. 397
    Cynic says:

    While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies . So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
    “Welcome to Heaven,” says Saint Peter, “I would love to admit you straight away but under our new ‘HEAVEN CHOICES’ policy designed to empower you, the deceased, , you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you’ll live for eternity.”

    “But I’ve already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” replies Brown. “I’m sorry .. But we have our rules and performance targets,” Peter interjects. And, with that,St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down …all the way to Hell.

    When the doors open Gordon is amazed. He finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialists — John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They greet him and reminisce about the good times they had. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, “Have a tequila and relax, Gord!”

    They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it’s time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator and heads upward.

    When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. “Now it’s time to visit Heaven,” the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other’s company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it’s not caviar or lobster.

    The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, “Well, you’ve spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity.” Brown reflects for a minute … Then answers: “Well, I would never have thought I’d say this — I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends and former colleagues.”

    So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

    The doors of the elevator open and he finds himself in the middle of a bare, toxic industrial wasteland. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

    The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder.” I don’t understand,” stammers a shocked Brown, “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!”

    The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, “Ah but yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!”

  398. 398
    Goat says:

    No, polishing turds is impossible. I hear he can burgle them though.

  399. 399
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    WW. If you really want to feel ashamed and can afford to do so I would visit one of our loyal settlements. Such as Niagara, home from home if you remember what Britain used to be. Same for Cayman Isles. Respect and authentic.

  400. 400
    Paul McSpender says:

    He’s trying to bore Islam to death.

  401. 401
    Trough Mixture says:

    Slotgob was on Lorraine Kelly earlier. I didn’t watch for more than a few seconds, but did notice that it is starting to look like Davros.

  402. 402

    I don’t think he’ll want to go at all. As it says in Mel Brooks’ “History of the World Part I” … ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082517/quotes ) “is good ta be tha King!”

    He’s got office machinery to throw and break, and all paid-for.

    Also, they need the money (for as long as it’s coming.)

  403. 403
    Master Baiter says:

    Re wreaths:
    Are you happy with Boris Johnson being a cheapskate and claiming £16.50 for a Remembrance Wreath when he was an MP on an income in excess of £600,000. Should he be disciplined by Cameron’s “screw tinny panel van”?
    Re women in Parliament
    Moran is barred from being a Labour candidate.
    Uddin should be investigated and if she has broken the law she should be prosecuted. If she has not broken the law but has behaved in a way to bring the Labour Party in to disrepute she should have the Labour whip removed and be expelled from the Labour Party.
    Please give us the benefit of your opinion on the one homed Berkshire Botoxed by an inebriated orangutan, Nadine Dorries, who dispite having one home only claims the rent for it as her additional costs allowance. At least Uddin actually has a second home.
    You may go.

  404. 404
    Soldier's Granma Wuffles says:

    Absolutely, Afghan & MI6.

    As has been suggested superbly elsewhere:


  405. 405

    It happened at mine this morning. I had to physically unfold it and __/look for/__ UKIP right at the bottom.

    Wonder why they didn’t fold it the other way, so that the BNP (at the top of course) got hidden instead? Do they want us all to vote for it so they can call a state of emergency or summat?

    “Pissed-off”, Lancs.

  406. 406
    Not made up for a change says:

    My Grandma gave me a pearl of wisdom when I was young:

    No one looks at the fireplace when they are poking the fire.

  407. 407
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    Name a world leader that isn’t just as bent. They only came over for the G20 for the nosh and to escape from their own problems.

  408. 408
    Eek says:

    To me the question is and always should be

    Was the item required by the person or the item required because of the job the person does.

    While paying for a single Remembrance Wreath may seem off, if you have to attend multiple ceremonies in a consituency (because of the job you do) you surely should not be expected to pay for multiple wreaths yourself. After all you are only there in your role as their MP.

    I have far less problems with claiming for wreaths than I do for claiming for church collections (that no entity MP from Stockton North) or books for people doing voluntary political work for you (Ed Balls).

  409. 409
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    There are plenty of Posties that could do a whole lot better than most politicians. They work bloody hard if you like and gather more about the state of the country than cab drivers.

  410. 410
    Duffel Coated Remembrance Day Hoon says:

    and (5) he looked older than Michael Foot yesterday.

  411. 411
    Chinese Whispering Acolyte says:

    He said “Vote Labour” Prime Minister.

  412. 412
    gordon brown says:

    very good but it will never happen. I know better than you what the future holds and I’m not leaving….

  413. 413
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    Piece of shite. I bought four of ‘em you know. If I ever meet the person I got them off….

  414. 414
    Craigoh says:

    Get on with it then. We need to get the f****r out by Monday.

  415. 415
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    It’s the British way.

  416. 416
    Craigoh says:

    Yes, that’s right. Two young men in the prime of life are sadistically, brutally murdered because of the numpty PC Dalek jobsworths running this country, but in Engalnd, what really matters is grammar.

  417. 417
    Mark Oaten says:

    [insert joke here]

  418. 418
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    Well I sent him a toilet roll and a Magic Marker requesting his autograph to go with my original Sun Front page. ‘It was The Sun wot won it’ but haven’t had anything back yet.

  419. 419
    Craigoh says:

    Aye. Seconded. Amen.

  420. 420
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    Egnaled? Tsk, tsk.

  421. 421
    Saw Him Coming says:

    You didn’t realise that after the first one then?

  422. 422
    Costa Del Sol Chippy says:

    Unfortunately I fear you are right.

  423. 423
    peter carter-fuck says:

    This has put me off Topic bars for life.

  424. 424
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    of the same standard applied to Dr David Kelly and that poor man what got pushed over by the cops walking through that rally?

  425. 425
    Man standing in corridor not listening to idle gossip says:

    Charles Clarke littered it with mistakes to throw off the bloodhounds. That’s the gossip in the corridors anyhow

  426. 426
    Peter Grimes says:

    Are UKIP voters so fucking stupid they cannot unfold the ballot paper for themselves?

    OOh er – I guess that is WHY they vote UKIP!

  427. 427
    Sir Robin Knest-Magpie says:

    Well as I was going into the polling station, this bloke with a blue rosette asked if he could have my number. I said piss off I’m married. Bloody cheek.

  428. 428
    Slobberdown Menob says:

    By answering my post i take it that you have no objection to being referred to as the resident wanker?
    rejoice in the name! hold your head up high! (but keep a sharp lookout for hairs on the palm of your hand.)

  429. 429
    Margaret Thatcher says:

    don’t you mean sh1t on you ?

  430. 430
    Anonymous says:

    One wonders what horror stories lie concealed behind the doors of the Treasury? It would explain, in part, the desparate efforts being made to avoid a general election. Here’s one possibility, have they been offering guaranteed exchange rates/values to overseas holders of significant Sterling balances? Absurd you say, well it’s been done before. And what about hidden incentives to try and discourage UK busnesses moving abroad to get away from our screwed up, bombed out, debt burdened economy.

    Brown makes much of being the party of action but I cannot recall seeing/hearing anything resembling a coherant properly planned/structured strategy to get us out of th mess he has got us into. All he seems to do is stagger from one crisis to the next using short term solutions for what will be long term problems.

  431. 431
    Peter Grimes says:

    Oh do fuck off, Mastur Bator, you are pissing off the human beings on here!

  432. 432
    molesworth says:

    iain fotherington-tomas sa hello clouds, hello sky. he is a gurlie.

  433. 433
    Keith Chegwin says:

    you liar !

    They came for our glorious leader’s advice on how to combat the current global depression that started in America

  434. 434
    South East Voter says:

    I may do that, but it will depend if the ballot paper is folded!

  435. 435
    Acai Berries. Do they work? says:

    37,438 at the count, including 267 Cialis sellers. That’s what you get with a public Hotmail address. Hoons the lot of them.

  436. 436
    Ginger Nut says:

    Or Stavros.

  437. 437
    RAW MEAT 3 says:

    There’s plenty more like Master Baiter on RAW MEAT 3.

  438. 438
    Eton, Oxford, Sandhurst, Guards says:


    It’s a nice day for spending the afternoon out on the lawn.

    Unless you’re too much of an oik to possess one, of course (in which case, you can instead take your Staffordshire bull-terrier for a walk around the ‘estate’).

  439. 439
    Ever Vigilant says:

    Master Baiter is Kevin Mcguire . It is impossible to believe that two people have the same absurd opinions and twisted logic

  440. 440
    Angela Merkel says it all. says:

    Don’t wet your trousers waiting. Having lived there for 6 years I can confirm that the Germans don’t do humour. Even if the vidoe’s existed (which they don’t), the humour would consist of Gordon Brown walking round Parliament at very high speed looking in scantily clad women’s bras. Altogether now: dah……. da da di da da da di da da…

  441. 441
    School for Scoundrels says:

    Too true. There is a school somewhere that teaches these Hoons how not to answer a straight question. How much of our taxes have been spent on lessons there I wonder?

  442. 442
    Lord FondleBum says:

    I can supply the (very) large jar of industrial strength vaseline

  443. 443
    Red Faced Rat Arsed And Proud says:

    I bought two dozen tinnies expecting a good night in tonight. Now I will have to go out tomorrow morning and get another two dozen.

  444. 444
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Has it ever occurred to you that you are a complete nob?

  445. 445
    Small girl crying says:

    If I don’t win, can I try again?

  446. 446
    Firing Squad Team Leader says:

    To me the question is, and always should be, do you want a blindfold?

  447. 447
    Threshers says:

    No results will be released until tomorrow to allow for ballot stuffing tonight.

    Save the St Emillion, try the Blue Nun instead.

  448. 448
    Pasteur's shade says:

    I will vote for any party that introduces pre-mortems for the current Front Bench.

  449. 449
    Dr. Alex Comfort says:

    Congrats Eric. Voting is like losing your virginity. The longer you leave it the greater the relief when it’s over.

  450. 450

    I find it acceptable for Boris Johnson, on an income of over £600,000 pounds ,claiming £16.50 for a Remembrance Wreath, as it’s part of his Job to attend memorials etc.

    I’m guessing you find it totally unacceptable that Shaheed Malik claimed 700 pounds for a massage chair? Why the silence?

  451. 451
    Britain needs respite care says:

    …and I got more than 20% of the vote, Mr Brown!

  452. 452
    gearing up for the Election says:

    is there anywhere on the web where all of the mandleson details can be read? I remember stuff about the mortgae but not in detail and I want to be able to raise it point by point when the canvassers start to call …

  453. 453
    gearing up for the Election says:

    that’s PR for you; you can’t vote against an individual … takes all the fun out of it, really ….

  454. 454
    Wholly, necessarily and exclusively says:

    Heard on BBC at lunchtime that NO 10 are briefing that the rebellion ‘cannot succeeed’ because of the system that Labor have in place for replacing a sitting leader. shows how thick the bunker walls are that they think this is simply the work of the usual dissenting Labor MPs. Complacement isn’t in it …

  455. 455
    Mary Hinge says:

    Wait till 10 o’clock tonight. There’ll be a shitstorm of resignations. Then there’ll be the letter with its 75+ signatures…

  456. 456
    Election Delivery Unit says:

    Turnout looks low – we aim for 200%.

  457. 457
    Chantelle O'Shea says:

    It is difficult to imagine a politics beyond what we have isn’t it?

  458. 458
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    You can waffle on all you like about Brown but he will soon be gone.
    And so will his rubbish policies.
    What will you moan about then Ned?
    Oh yeah, the size of your cock.

  459. 459
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    If that is the best ammo you tories have on Johnson then you are really toiling.
    Dave’s a thief, Gideon’s a clown and you are a tit.
    Oh and William Hague is a northern oik and all the rest of the tory front bench are millionaires.
    And Lord Aschcroft, the tories main donor is a tax evader.
    Bloody Hell! It is not looking good for the tories, is it?

  460. 460
    AJ is the man - get used to it. says:

    Hmmm.. that is probably because the New Labour Project was a Conservative one.
    God you tories are so thick.
    We have just had 30 straight years of tory rule and look at the mess we are in.
    And the tory solution is – more toryism!

  461. 461
    people slag off the great tat - then they steal his material! CHEEKY INNIT! says:

    Thick as thieves will not be happy when he sees you copying his lines AM.
    In fact he will probably bash your brains out.

  462. 462
    jerry says:

    Yeah, let’s have a surfeit of boring cυnts like you back on, and he can go back to having -40 comments a day.

  463. 463
    people slag off the great tat - then they steal his material! CHEEKY INNIT! says:

    Oh dear, first AM steals thick as thieves lines and now Masterbater is doing it as well.
    Come up with your own stuff Masterbates or I am fairly sure you will find that your skull has been caved in by tat.

  464. 464
    Shithead says:

    I employed a young lad – late teens – who’d come out of our wonderful education system and COULDN’T SPELL HIS OWN SURNAME. Seriously. No kidding. I took him on as he had brains and potential and he proved me right, but when he had to do written work he was stuffed, totally and completely. His teachers were only interested in their three months a year paid holiday and weren’t the least bothered about sending a bright young chap out into the big wide world with the literacy skills of a four year old.

  465. 465
    Golden Days says:

    Surely exit polls, which are generally a fair guide?

  466. 466
    Golden Days says:

    Could be the next big public obsession: Diana, MPs, BBC…

  467. 467
    Golden Days says:

    You’re voting Labour, then?

  468. 468
    Golden Days says:

    What is it about Labour? It’s based on a nonsensical, idealist view of human nature and an equality that doesn’t exist. It tends, in my experience. to attract people who want to sound caring and terribly decent but are basically selfish shites.

  469. 469
    lord bend over wendover manhandle mandleson says:

    you may join the labour party if you like it up the gary glitter.if not join the liberals

  470. 470
    Jethro says:

    141 Blair is a Charlatan
    Spot on, old pal, spot on! But then, what would a Cornish Farmer know? They said ‘Dig for Victory’, so we dug; they said ‘there ought to be… a Milk Marketing Board, to ensure that supply and demand are always kept in step': well, we’d managed without that since the Middle Ages: if there was a glut, the price dropped; if there was a shortage, the price rose – but… then, it was growing grain, ripping out hedges, making prairies where once there’d been meadows, fields, and leas: the bigger the fields/prairies, the bigger they made the Combines…then they started to pay people to grub up their ancient orchards… then they were paying people to ‘set aside’, and there were ‘Butter Mountains’ and ‘Milk Lakes’ … and now, every animal has to be tagged, every field plotted: if a bullock farts, DEFRA needs to know; if a cow loses its ear-tag, DEFRA needs to know; if a Farmer hangs himself, DEFRA doesn’t want to know!
    Now, most of our milk is imported, most of our meat, most of our fruit (and most Cider is made from imported apple-juice). While foxes and other vermin are protected, Farmers are being hunted to extinction!

  471. 471
    Dr. Heinz-Kiosksay... says:

    … we are all guilty!

  472. 472
    Jethro says:

    Don’t tell Threshers this: it’s actually, ‘St. Emilion’.

  473. 473
    Jethro says:

    … but it’s easy to remember a politics that we used to have.

  474. 474
    grandson GB says:

    I think you’ll find, my dear, that you’ve voted already!
    But never, mind, you voted for me, so no harm will befall you.

  475. 475
    Jethro says:

    Frank, for Heaven’s sake, don’t encourage her!

  476. 476
    Jethro says:

    Sorry, Graigoh: we’ve had the ad nauseam; it’s the ad infinitum that really gets the B.P. off the scale.

  477. 477
    Jethro says:

    Charles E. Hedwig, you are The Archbishop of Canterbury, and I claim my £5, my Prebendal Stall, and my Indulgence!

  478. 478
    Jethro says:

    Paterson here: I’m afraid Carter’s out at the moment, estimating for a job in … let me see — in Downing Street.

  479. 479
    Jethro-Singh says:

    How can you be so hateful! You invited us here! You made us leave our own Culture – the Culture you had Colonially exploited! You encouraged us with the idea of ‘Multiculturalism! You had all the Benefit Application Forms obligingly printed in our own tongue: you even supplied expensive translators! Now you tell us we are ‘free to leave’? I cannot believe such insensitivity! Why, it borders on harassment, and is indubitably Racialist in origin, and – which is arguably worse – Religious Discrimination of the most primitive kind!
    Fortunately for me, but unfortunately for you, Keith Vaz is my Member, and I have kinship with Baroness Uddin; I can also claim acquaintance with Lady Shriti Vadera: all upright people; all well-respected people; all well-known people.
    You have not heard the last of this, Mr. Janus, oh no!

  480. 480
    Jethro Oaten/Thorpe/&c.... says:

    Cooky? I didn’t realise there was anything cooky about Craigoh

  481. 481
    Jethro says:

    Dear Laney,
    If Labour can’t be arsed at all, but other parties can, why not vote for one of them – perhaps even the one that cannot be named, but who didn’t realise they’d leafletted you several times already?
    You know it makes sense!

  482. 482
    Jethro says:

    I think that what might possibly begin (I’m being extremely indulgent here) as being concerned for/standing up for/standing for – the underdog, the hard-done-by, the unfortunate suddenly transmutes into a ‘these people can be encouraged/induced to vote for us’ movement. For all their (probably) professed Darwinism, Labour actually try to defeat Darwinism, by engineering the survival of the least-fit.
    This requires such a mental swallowing-of-the-unpalatable, that, of course, they need to be paid for this distasteful work!

  483. 483
    Jethro says:

    …which is why I, an hitherto (did you notice, and enjoy that “an”?) life-long Tory, put my x TWICE for UKIP today! (Once for County, once for Europe, lest you were worrying).

  484. 484
    Jethro says:

    Craigoh, it might begin with Grammar (‘it doesn’t matter: being creative does!’)… but that’s (Murder) where it ends: Societies have to have rules by which to live, and abrogating one, invites an unending succession of ‘salami-slices’.
    Anonymous’ Miss Ferguson knew and taught that the Past Subjunctive of the verb ‘know’ was ‘would have known': she also knew that our slipshod English pronunciation (imitating the drawling voices of our betters!) made no difference in sound between ‘should have’ and ‘should of’. For decades now, people who should know better have said (of the English language) ‘it’s usage that counts': i.e. ‘what was once considered ‘wrong’ is now used by so many people that it must now be considered ‘right’ (for the moment). So now, with all of The Ten Commandments: Adultery? O.K. – but watch out for the Lawyers, and for a woman’s wrath. Theft? O.K. – but just keep it within bounds, get a good Accountant, or make sure you’re not found out. Lying on Oath? O.K. – but it could, just possibly could, get you in trouble later: get a good Lawyer. Murder? A bit iffy still, these days: get yourself a good Lawyer – and a tame Psychologist or two.

  485. 485
    Jethro says:

    I just love the ‘AUNIE MAUD’ bit: subtle touch, that, dont’cha think?
    And the ‘BOARING’…
    But, the man says ‘NORMAL PEOPLE… SWITCH OFF CAPS LOCK…’ (oops, sorry!), so Abnormal People, welcome another Abnormal Person: Mr. Tommy MacVikker!

  486. 486
    Jethro says:


  487. 487
    Mark Oaten-straw says:

    Did an Irishman call?

  488. 488
    dave cameron: thieving cunt, unfit for office fuck off dave you thief! says:

    David Cameron is a man who has stolen over 100k from the taxpayer to pay for his very, very, very large house.
    If you think he is fit to leas the Tory party then you must be a raving lunatic.
    The desire for victory has blinded you to what is right and what is wrong.
    Stealing is wrong and as David Cameron is a thief.
    That’s just the way it is.
    It was David’s decision to make false claims, no one forced him.
    Thieving fucking c’unt!

  489. 489
    I will pay off the nation's debt burden if I can have a little go on Gordon's tits says:

    Dirty, hate filled, unemployable little wretch

  490. 490
    Peter Grimes says:

    ‘Worst decisions’!

    Perm any one from the lot!

    They have fucked everything up!

  491. 491
    Polly Titian says:



  492. 492
    margreat says:


  493. 493
    margreat says:

    hes a spineless bar steward

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Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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