Stat Porn for May
Almost forgot: 2,465,072 page views from 1,310,859 visits by 231,416 visitors plus an additional 925,543 views via feed readers. Many thanks to advertisers and readers.
These figures don’t include page views from third-party distribution platforms. The blog can be accessed in dealing rooms via the Bloomberg terminal, in newsrooms via Lexis-Nexis and is now available to download via subscription onto the new Amazon Kindle, with iPhone and Blackberry friendlier versions of the blog coming soon. For good measure the blog is digitally archived by the British Library for posterity. Guido aims to be ubiquitous and available forever…
First
Not first.
Very jealous of your stats, Guido. Nearly 100 times better than mine, dammit.
Keep up the excellent work!
Changed to wordpress Guido? Defo buy the Guardian today – collectors edition.
CF I’ve repeat clicked on your blog a few times.
You’re a good man, Doctor. Perhaps I should share my $13.31 adsense revenue with you. Fancy a beer?
“the blog is digitally archived by the British Library for posterity. Guido aims to be ubiquitous and available forever”
So when the totalitarian EUSSR take full control and open the gulags and death camps as they surely will, they will have a direct reference of who to come for first.
I don’t fancy Atlas shrugged’s chances
However Guido will probably get a promotion to chief EUSSR internet censor, seeing as he does it so well! Either that or minister for EUSSR propaganda for promotion of pointless dead end parties and EU stooges like Cameron and dragging democracy down from his safe haven in Ireland, where he couldn’t give a crap.
You are in grave danger for exposing the TRUTH!!!!!!!!
(the TRUTH!!!! must always have exclamation marks. The more the truthier)
Happily I have just the link to save you.
How to make a tin foil hat
Very Fancy! posting a youtube url embeds it. I didn’t know that. Is it new ?
Yes and the EU is just a trade agreement right? the Euro does not excist and we make all our laws – right?
Still thanks for the Tin hat video, that is most handy – for exposing what a ignorant cretin you are!
Well named “straw men”. As “totalitarian” “gulags and death camps” are superb examples and absolute proof of your monumentally ignorant cretinism.
Don’t forget the referendum, we had a referendum right, after all they promised us one and they wouldn’t lie and push us into an undemocratic totalitarian organisation that has the power to over rule any thing we in this country decide, such as our armed forces, our legal system, conscription and rearranging our borders and currency – read the small print!
Only someone who woul;d wear a tin foil hat would believe any of that, mass public opposition to a constitution, rejected by 3 countries yet it still pushes ahead with no democratic mandate – of course these very same people will respect our freedoms right?
They would send you and your children to a gass chamber or dress you in a nice orange jumpsuite in the blink of an eye rather than give up their world domination goals.
Illegal wars?
Only a tin foil hat wearer would believe that the west would enter into an illegal war and heaven forbid torture people and hold them for years without trial.
Still at least the Bilderberg group is just a myth that the tin foil hat wearers made up – right?
Oh look the Totalitarian EUSSR wanted the right to spy on every single person in the UK and Dave gives his blessing.
How sweet?
The EU can halt all further elections once the treaty is fully ratified anytime it should so choose – ask Dave!
Strange that the media and our politicians don’t seem too alarmed, but then again there are plenty of non jobs for totalitarian political class yes men in Europe, you can become a millionair doing nothing in said organisation, just ask smegg.
Just keep the totalitarian oppressive laws coming eh!
You appear to be confusing the E.U. with a Bond Villain and Brussels with his underground volcanic lair.
Has the E.U. grabbed to much power as Politicians everywhere are apt to try ? Yep. Should that power be reduced. Absolutely.
But does that mean that every member state and it’s leaders are puppets of the Bilderburgers or the Illuminati or the Masons or whoever the fuck it is this week and Totalitarianism is imminent ? Sadly for you no.
But please continue as all this talk of “sending children to a gass chamber” is absolutely fascinating and in no way bolsters all I have said.
*backs away veeery sloooowly*
Is NuLabor passing the buck to the EU now? It all started in Europe.
just thought of a great name for our soon to be ex leader.HASH BROWN
So it wasn’t just the wisteria was it Dave?
Fuck off wanker
remember your discipline please! The correct term is hoon.
The SNP are going to push for a general election, now will EU Scameron and smelly Smegg back this call for a GE or will EU Dave bottle it or get smegg to take the fall?
Dave would bottle it or get smegg to roll over as if Dave won he would have to give the people a referendum that he has no intention of giving us, so Dave will bottle it.
Watch this space…Dave is the new Tony.
Great stuff Guido.
Only stat porn I know was that I had a reet expensive wank – lubbly jubbly
So it wasn’t just the wisteria Dave was it?
podium
“Guido aims to be ubiquitous and available forever…”
So does Brown.
After Friday Brown may be free to answer all calls for after dinner speeches
Why spoil a good dinner with indigestion?
Lets see if Brown is “in control” at Question Time” today
does anyone care what this dickhead has to say anymore before or after dinner ?
Its a great morning, sun shining and birds singing and every newspaper has rather negative headlines for mr brown.
Could’nt be more satisfying the day before going to the polls.
I got a soapy titty wank off Jacqui too – may have been kebabs tho, far too drunk natch
did she show you her butt plug sorry bath plug ?
My apologies Mr Anon my handle dropped off and did’nt notice.
Well done Guido.
Today’s job is to get someone at PMQs to ask what the exact employment status is of Mr Damian McBride and on what date he left the civil service. It’s a 50/50 chance, but if he hasn’t gone already this should push him over the line.
Don’t forget it’s just “McBride” now – the Great Helmsman never knew him as ‘Damian’, or even as ‘Mr McBride’. Who was it you were asking about? Never knew the fella.
and whether he was sacked as Mr Brown claimed on Sky TV or whether he resigned as No 10 said at the time …
Yes…and scaked or resigned from what? It’s probably a bit like Watson, who is “stepping-down” from his job, but continuing to advise Brown. It’s all smoke and mirrors and doesn’t mean a thing.
Thanks – I’d forgotten that. I assume it’s the same chap who shared an office with the Great Helmsman and who watched “Footie” with him in his flat, but maybe the GH just forgot to ever ask him for his first name?
My MP (Labour) wrote to the “Cabinet Office” on my behalf asking that particular question some 2/3 weeks ago.
No answer – and when I do eventually get one, what’s the chances its not a binary No he isn’t/Yes he is ?
Bloggers of the world unite you have nothing to lose except your anonymity.
Many Bloggers a day keep the political crooks away. Well done Guido and thanks to all commentators and contributors for the wealth of education and vocabulary I have received.
Praps such success could engender a bit more technical help Guido ?
You lost 6 hours(ish) of posts from the blog last night and no doubt such things can be expected with occasional glitches but it prolly caused a mite of frustration to anyone who had posted then.
It is a lovely morning. And in such an unlikely backdrops is dark and dreadfull political skulldugery happening. Westminster will be thick with plots today.
Thick with clots too
The control freaks have lost what little control they ever had. I’ve waited 12 years for the destruction of this government and they are finally obliging in such a spectacular way. And now I’m listening to Lord Oily Falconer refusing to back McBust. And here comes Hattie Manhater-Harperson with another load of complete waffle. Yesterday was a ‘purposeful day in the business of government’. Sure was – ministers walking away in droves, our veterans only just securing the attendance of the Prince of Wales at an event where HMQ should have been invited many months ago…..
Total and utter shambles. At this rate I’m counting on McBust taking the entire party with him.
Sorry Guido, very ungracious of me, hearty congratulations are of course in order. I was spitting blood and feathers listening to a couple of NuLiebour loony and then lost the connection….
maybe another couple of scalps today ? from liebore a kind of cheap pre election stunt
hate to say it but i told you so see 72 bye bye blears you troughing whore ! prediction : darling gone by monday !
Did the censors steal half of yesterday’s posts or are they preserved too?
Can I remind everyone that when Labour passed the Anti smoking bill, it exempted the subsidised House of Commons Bars from the Legislation?
There are no words in the English Language sufficient to describe my feelings on that level of hypocrisy.
Make sure that Labour voters know about it please, Mr Cameron.
Being a smoker I am with you on this one, why should those sh1ts enjoy a smoke and a pint in comfort when we have to stand out in the cold and rain.
They do it because they can…..
It’s the rules, you see. The rules are of course terrible, but what can a poor MP do but follow them to the letter and smoke 40 a day inside (probably paying for them form their £400/month second home food allowance)?
And we subsidise their fecking beer!!!
simple because they know whats best fof you !
If they exempted themselves and get a smoking related desease they should be billed by the NHS, assuming they don’t go private with all their hoardes.
Also in the missing posts was a post from “Whistleblower” with a link to an article revealing that Governments and Health Trusts have received millions of pounds from the pharmaceutical companies which manufacture nicotine replacement medicines to implement smoking bans.
The same article revealed that the failure rate of these aids was 98%.
It also stated the dangers of secondhand smoke had been greatly exagerated.
Yes
Thanks for raising that Moley – still haven’t seen my v. furious stuff on Guido bl;og – must ‘of’ been too much for him.
Let’s keep pushing the bastards.
~
I think Times Roman makes me come across as mature and professional?
OMG – don’t you get some REEEL fucking – sorry Huhning – - sorry Hooning – ladies salty parts with arty-fat-farty trendy-bent-bendy party!
VERY well done Mr Fawkes!
Good stuff – moving rapidly from the dark shadows of blogland and onto the sunlit uplands of mainstream. Rosa Prince and Melissa Kite will no doubt be begging you for a column any day now.
might want some writing too
your work here is done-time to go out into the real world and get a job. Should be a cinch with your contacts. I wish you all the best,you’ll need it!
Congratulations Guido.
Nice Morning – wonder if Hazel is going to resign today. PM looking decidedly liverish in the papers this morning. And it’s PMQ’s!!
Bet Dave presses again for a GE and Gordon mutters something about doing his duty and staying on forever …………………
Interesting day – Cup of tea time. Morning folks.
This is no time for party politics.
Gordon will speak for the whole country today when he offers his sincere condolences and recites the names of the latest dead soldiers and the executed hostage.
He does it without fail.
Turn it round and use it against him.
Poor equipment.
No proper policy on Afghanistan.
An armed forces Minister who forces troops to live in squalid accommodation and uses taxpayers money to tart up his house.
Uncanny how the BBC trumped the ‘Labour in Chaos’ story with a story on Al Qaeda(Arabic: The Base or slang for toilet). Uncanny and convenient.
John Rentoul threatens to check in at the Priory if this continues. Shame.
Rentouls a prize cock.
He looks like an Undertaker.
Linking in with the internets theme…
Survey suggest a broadband Internet Connection has become one of lifes essentials”
Britons say broadband ‘essential’
UK consumers now believe broadband is becoming as essential a utility as electricity or water, according to a panel of government advisers.
Some 73% of those questioned described a high-speed connection as important.
The Communications Consumer Panel’s research involved 16 focus groups and a face-to-face survey with 2,000 people across the UK.
Its findings will be submitted to Lord Carter’s Digital Britain review, due to be published on 16 June.
Full story below
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8079637.stm
The web has made the tele old technology. I only use mine to watch DVDs.
This Government thinks broadband is there for us to pay our taxes online, so they think 128k is probably adequate for the proles.
I live about 8 miles from the third largest city in Scotland. I was upgraded from half to a one meg connection last year. Marginally better than when in I was in Nigeria.
Last year, in a little hamlet in the middle of nowhere in Norway my flat had 8 meg connection.
Oh and also for showing beaming / smiling prime ministers on youtube – 32k would be ok.
Postle
Great now broadband is going to be a “human right”
“The Communications Consumer Panel’s research involved 16 focus groups and a face-to-face survey with 2,000 people across the UK.”
Yet another publicly funded Quango, doing the governments bidding.
Sixteen “focus groups” well you know they have all been hand selected and a face to face survey with 2000 people.
Wowzi!!! a whole 2000, again it would be interesting to know just who the 2000 were and how these 2000 were selected.
I place my £5 on an “EU initiative” behind this bullshit, which of course will lead to a “Directive” AKA an order, from the unelected parasites in another country and billions being spent by this useless “government” to fund this “essential” bullshit.
What they are after is an internet tax to fund the BBC which no one can avoid.
on the final journey to a Dignitas clinic
Congratulations, Mr. Fawkes. Keep sticking it to them.
The Penguin
Well Done Guido.
Just read the Private Eye story about Anthony Steen suing the Western Morning News for their story about him being a touch sharp with his expenses claims. They lost, apologised and coughed up £10,00 damages.
In the light of the recent stories has he apologised and returned the money to the Western Morning News. I could be wrong, but suspect not.
http://www2.carter-ruck.com/recentwork/Anthony_Steen_PressRelease080908.html
Congratulations! As one of those 231,416 visitors, can I just say how refreshing it is to read something that tells us about politicians as they really are.
Sorry, didn’t mean to be anonymous. Not sure where my name went. It was me.
my name went missing last night could it be mi6 collecting them to track us down as political sabateurs trying to bring down their masters god ! they might do a david kelly on us ! if they get rid of all anti liebore voters G brooon will win with a landslide 23 votes
Sort of ‘ Missing in Redaction ‘ ?????
All well and good Guido, but I think you will struggle to hit these figures again once Dave’s in his honeymoon and the fury dwindles. But that is the nature of politics and mood – the narrative is fickle and moves on. You’re doing a good job here – I’ll be immodest and say a lot of us are – but that particular job is nearly done now. And the next job won’t have such broad support or broad agreement – to turn the country around, not just a government.
PS You are mortal
The honeymoon will be very, very short for “call me Dave”.
Once he starts Ratting on his promises and he will, the chase will be on again.
The big three are entirely corrupted, the LabLibCon trick well and truly rumbled and there is no way back to the cosy old past for any of them.
A new political class that reflect what the people want, not what the political class decide they will allow, will subsume the political landscape from now on.
Call me Dave may have a short term victory, because of the contempt and hatred felt towards Browns ZanuLabour government of spivs, liars and traitors, but unless he grasps the nettle, his blue labour party of “progessive conservatism” will quickly find that the peoples contempt is not restricted to Browns “progressive” fascism and no matter how you dress it up, we dont want what they have been ordered to give us.
Guido.
Bit of an investment tip for me on day trading.
Go LONG Guardian.
Go SHORT McMental
The rejoice, rejoice, nay rejoice.
The end of the incompetent hypocrite is nigh.
Only 240,000 readers.
Not enough for a revolution – especially as you are all at home on-line – ready to be taken out en mass by a handful of ISP CISOs (Chief Information Security Officers) – no need to even cut the power to the telephone exchanges.
I will only believe it is all over when we get to see the plea bargaining – ie. “I will resign before the summer recess provided you leave me out of the “conspiracy to defraud” and “pay back to HMRC plus normal penalties” cases after the next election.”
Guido,
Congrats.
A thought for the fure – I’ve had to suffer using a PDA to view your growing organ for the last week, any chance of a small but perfectly formed version that is more PDA matched?
Regards
Surely some magnification required for Guido’s growing organ?……
It is on the drawing board.
Just be careful no one sticks a drawing pin (small size!) in it!
Keep it clean Mr Fawkes ~ some of our readers are of wilting disposition.
Tidy numbers Guido. I can’t face breakfast without a browse.
An honourable job well done.
I have just read *that* Guardian leader (in Seen Elsewhere). I shall save everyone the trouble of reading it and provide a summary:
- the writer is calling for a new leader and a Labour-Lib Dem coalition in the interests of ‘progressive government’ (i.e. to keep the Tories out);
- electoral reform is the most pressing issue because without it the Tories might win. And that would be bad;
- there is no mention of the need for a general election, of course, because that would mean a Tory victory. Obviously, a democratically elected Tory government would be bad for democracy and would hinder the cause of progressive politics;
- it would be far better, claims The Gaunad, for Labour to stay in power and bring the country completely to its knees before handing over the entire bloody mess to the Tories. When the country finally goes to rat-shit, it will harm the cause of progressives if Labour is in government, so it is far better to dump everything on the Tories. The Tories deserve to inherit a basket-case because, well, they are Tories.
I hope this is useful.
FUCK ‘PROGRESSIVE’ LIMP DIMWIT / TRENDY-BENDY POLTICS – INNIT!
Grauniad ?? Gaunad ??
I thought that rag was entitled the ‘Gonad’ as it’s just utter BALLS ?
so thats it then the newspapers will pick the next government . no need to vote then ,dont know what’s worse jurno’s or troughers ?
SALUTE TO GUIDO
“Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities… because it is the quality which guarantees all others”.
Steady Winnie, if you are not careful it won’t be only his organ that’s swelling.
Well done on a great job.
The numbers are very impressive.
Well done.
Buy yourself another Guinness…
Ms Harman insisted Mr Brown “had a plan” for steering the country through the economic downturn and for dealing with the scandal over MPs’ expenses.
Unfortunately he’s not sure what it is.
Neither is she.
Has anyone seen my vision?
Well done Guido
I love the smell of toast in the morning.
Something tells me I’m in for overload…
Have you ever seen so many criminals trawling the tv stations this morning trying to save their skins and defend their great leader “only Kim Il Brown can save the world”.
And they want us to believe that they are the ones to get us out of this mess?
I am , well there is no language to explain it really, but how out of touch can they be? it really is breathtaking to listen to these fuckin arseholes.
All wrapped up in their cotton wall by the taxpayer, salaries and expenses on call when ever they want, paid for by you and me.
If you have any commeon sense, apart from all those who live off them too in the form of benefits coming out of their ears, tomorrow you will all give them a very wide berth on that ballot paper. Remember Gordon is the only prime minister in history who wouldn’t call a general election beacuse he thought he would win it!
I really know now what it must have been like to live under communist dictatorship. You can imagine them parking their tanks in Parliament Square and doing a tiananmen square. Only 37% of the people who voted inthe last election, voted for Labour any way. No one voted for Brown to be leader of the Labour Party and no-one voted for Brown to be our Prime Minister. Rules for MPs for MPs again. The great unelected dictator.
This must never happen again. They are all abhorrent and affecting our lives considerably. So fuck off now you lying c u n ts. I hope you all rot in hell!
Still sweeping up the scales …
Excellent – keep it up, and thanks. JD
You journos keep abbreviating Ms. Boyle’s name to ‘Subo’, so why have nt you dubbed Gordon Brown, ‘GOBRO’ ????
Beware megalomania & hubris, Guido!
Look where it got Fat Gordo McDoom!!
And do keep grinding away at the ZaNuLieBor bastards – please!!!
Well done Guido – another good month for those who want to see the government go.
Keep up the good work
Now, 172 minutes until PMQs, can’t wait to see Broon squirming again
If you persist with this harassment of me and my democratic regime there will be another terrorist outrage. A man callled Osama bin Rigormortis who lives in a cave in a far off fairytale land told me so. Just saying. Mind how you go.
Gordon Brown ( or should that be ‘GoBro’ ? ) is following our Zanu policies brilliantly !! My congratulations !
Good news on the numbers
Re: iPhone – anyone have any idea why Guido’s icon shows as a “W” rather than his pic? Presume WordPress “overpowers” it somehow
Notice that you thank your advertisers before your readers. Wonder what you’re in it for?
well piss off to another blog, plonker
Guido, Minister of Information.For the sake of the nation.
Support for blackberry/iPhone/Mobile web?
About bloody time. Welcome to 2009. Finally.
It’s one bloody plugin – takes 30 seconds to install.
Once a hoon, always a hoon
*
*
*
*
THEY DIED FOR THE GOOD OF THE PEOPLE OF AFGHANISTAN
*
*
*
BENTLEY BOY DELIVERS A LODE OF CONDOLENCES
PLATITUDES ACROSS THE FLOOR
CORPUS BRAOUWN IS STAYING IN PLAICE AND THAT IS THAT
THERE WILL BE NO GENERAL ELECTION
NO BLEEDERSHIP CONTEST
SPEAKER SAYS AWDUR AWDUR
*
*
*
NUFFING
NUFFING
NUFFING
MUTCH AD ABAOUWT NUFFING
TORK
TORK
TORQUE
*
*
*
KARS
PUBLIC FUNDS
MORE CONDOLENCES
TOTAL MELTDAOUWN
PARALYSED
EXHAUSTED
THE GOVERNMENT IS A VOID
*
*
*
*
*
NO TRUST
NO MORE
IRAQK DOSSIER
BLANQUE DOQKUMENT
ILLEGAL WAR
YU KNOW THE SQKORE
*
*
*
*
THAT THE QUEEN CAN BE TRUSTED GOES WITHAOUWT SAYING
BY THE SAME TOQKEN
THE PRINTS OF WHALES IS OBVIOUSLY A MAN THAT CAN BE TRUSTED
*
JOANNA LUMLEY SUPPORTS THE QUEEN AND THE PRINTS OF WHALES
*
*
*
*
THE QUEEN WILL WIN INDyEND
Slightly O/T, but does anyone think this will do the ST any good?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/jun/03/sunday-times-website
I still buy it occasionally but as a read, it’s worth about 20 minutes whereas 20 years ago there was enough for a lazy Sunday.
Anyone would think that politics is a popularity contest.
Bloody hell.
*
*
*
THE POLICE ARE ARMED
THEY HAVE BEEN ARMED BY PARLIAMENT
IT IS AS IF AN ALIEN CULTURE RULES ENGLAND NAO
YU GET WOT YU VOTE FOR
*
*
*
*
ALAN SUGAR
SALARY~FREE
PUBLIC SERVICE
ENTER PRIZE CZAR ALREDDY
LAUD SHUGGA TO BE
DGJHOBS FOR THE BUOYS
INIT
M8*
*
*
*
*
JOANNA LUMLEY WOULD MAKE A GOOD MAYOR OF LUN DUN