March 20th, 2009

Spice Up Your Wife

haliwell-downing-streetOur ending-celebrity-culture Prime Mentalist had Gerri Halliwell visiting Downing Street this week.  Not sure what the Spice Girl was doing, perhaps she was advising Sarah on push up bras or maybe Gordon on monetary policy.  Both equally as likely.


Marina Hyde’s Lost in Showbiz Blog* is excellent on the subject.  It is from her that Guido learns that Geri said “I love talking about poo and wee”.  Aha, it all becomes clear…

*Years ago in the infancy of this blog a number of stories and jokes got recycled in Marina’s Guardian Diary without attribution.  A heated exchange of emails followed and the recycling stopped. Note Guido’s careful attribution.


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    now, what was it someone said about paying the pice to keep talent in this country?

    fucked again!

  2. 2
    Unsworth says:

    In the quote from the lovely Geri, “about” is entirely superfluous. Same could be said of her dashing host.

  3. 3
    Stepney says:

    Gerri and Gordon in the same room?! The last time I saw such a thing I mentally congratulated ExLax and flushed them away.

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    Oh dear, the Special one made a joke about the Special Olympics on the Jay Leno show. Not funny and not clever Mr.President!

  5. 5
    Spice up your life says:

    I dunno, I have a sort of affection for for Gerri – she is such a wonderfully combination of cheerfulness, brazen cheek and naivety.

    At least she tries…..

  6. 6
    strapworld says:

    Perhaps that chap on Question Time, last night, was spot on THE SPICE GIRLS WILL OPEN OUR OLYMPIC GAMES CEREMONY!!

  7. 7
    thick as thieves says:

    Guido bashes the retard yet again.
    well done!
    haven’t you got anything else to talk about Guido, you are starting to sound like and old fishwife.

  8. 8
    Simon Cowell says:

    I remember Gerri Halliwell on Top Gear a while back, she claimed she had her finger on the political pulse because Bliar had invited her as a groupie to Chequers, but on the same show it became fairly clear that had never even heard of Boris Johnson, she’s a total fucking lightweight. Was Aleisha Dixon there too? She’s another Brown loving simpleton.

    NuLab only surround themselves with the sharpest of minds, only the very best.

  9. 9
    Hamish Macbeth says:

    Also … “”You know, until you remember that she was in the Spice Girls and recently explained “I love talking about poo and wee” and that “evil, dark people are repelled by me”””

    I take it Mandy wasn’t there then !!!

  10. 10
    and let that be a lesson to you says:

    Hazel Blears

  11. 11
    no longer anonymous says:

    Wonder what she’s been cursed with.

  12. 12

    Shurely should be “perhaps she was advising Sarah on being brassy or maybe Gordon on push up policy?”

    *retrieves hat*

  13. 13

    If you don’t like it, please accept a full refund and fuck off.

  14. 14
    Bell End PR says:

    correct me if I am wrong but are not “poo and wee” Gordon Brown’s speciality subject

  15. 15
    Rebecca says:

    The curse of McCatastrophe will swiftly follow..Poor Ginger

  16. 16
    RavingMad says:

    talking of sharp minds, Anita Anand, alone today on the Daily Politics. In what way does she have the talent, experience and nous to front the show? Ah, sorry, yes it’s the Beeb and they couldn’t get Victoria Derbyshire.

  17. 17

    She (ginger) was Robbie Williams’ “safetyhump” emissions receptacle for a while (might still be); perhaps it was that common ground that brought her together with Gordon.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    That’s why he’s brought in a faecal stimulus

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    Her boobs will explode, her hair will turn green and her teeth will blacken and fall out to lie like rabbits’ droppings all over the fitted carpet.

  20. 20

    I nearly spat my coffee! : )

  21. 21
    The Beast says:

    I also like talking about wee and poo
    Labour are shit and I wouldnt piss on McMental if he were on fire.

  22. 22
    ZigZig says:

    ha a ginger minger

  23. 23
    Plato says:

    She’s not my type – these totty are though baaaa

  24. 24
    Aberdeen Angus McDayie says:

    I’d just finished reading the first para and was thinking McNuggets…

    No, this is taking the piss.

  25. 25
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Not necessarily in that order!

  26. 26
    Minekiller says:


    Government Of Absolute Total Shite

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    For once thick as thieves says something sensible – what do they say if you let a million monkeys loose on typewriters.

    Goodness knows what a trained psychologist would make out of Guido’s obsession about the PM’s mental state and his bodily functions – and no that wasn’t a invitation to Draper!

  28. 28
  29. 29
    Shit-Bag says:

    I thought Geri was a Tory girl?

  30. 30
    Frank says:

    Promotion to the Lords and swift promotion to be the new Chancellor of the Exchequer. Will be given a credit card with no limit and told to go shoppping and save the country

    Nothing wrong with that and better than the goon we have now. Pity we didn’t think to give him a credit card rather than trust him with the printing press

    Word has it the clown is to replace his entire front bench with a bunch of sweeties.

    That sure fucks David Cameron

  31. 31
    anon says:

    Wonder if Geri changed Gordon’s nappy, pushed him on the rocking horse and helped him find Mr Farmer when he rolled under the sofa?

  32. 32

    Another probing for Brown.

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    The second story down on the Iranian blogger

  34. 34
    thick as thieves says:

    as I said, mouth like a fishwife.
    if you cannot take it Guido, don’t dish it out old boy.

  35. 35
    thick as thieves says:

    and I was wondering how long it would take you to come up with that old chestnut. It only took you a year to build up the courage to say that to the great and heroic thick as thieves!
    you scaredy cat.

  36. 36
    labourwipeout says:

    In a way I hope she was there to discuss fiscal policy as it just has to be an improvement on what crash Gordon has been doing over the last 11 years.

    Is this a precurser to Gerry Halliwell and Carole Caplin being elevated to the Lords and being brought into Gords cabinet ?

  37. 37
    Lord Mandelscum of rent de' bois says:

    What are these fucking bitches doing in my bitches house!

  38. 38
    Minekiller says:

    We should all be concerned with the mental state of the Pm of the UK no matter who he or she, was, is or may be. We do after all have a rather large arsenal of nuclear missiles.

  39. 39
    thick as thieves says:

    another foul mouthed tory strikes again.
    you phoney. do we really want spastics like you running the country?
    in a word, no.

  40. 40
    Cillit Brown says:

    They had their moment, but much of it was hype and now they’re well past it.

    Labour and the Spice Girls clearly have a lot in common

  41. 41
    Culloden says:

    Guido is right to bang on about the PM. Gordon cannot be the solyewshun to the problem precisely because he is the problem.

    In times of crisis you need a leader who can inspire, motivate and give hope. Instead we have a socially inept, mentally unstable bureaucrat who would find it tough to motivate water to come out of the tap and would leave a rollover lottery winner feeling hopeless.

  42. 42
    Nasty, slippery, greasy, do you know who I am? ghastly Vaz says:

    She has spoken numerous times about the incredibly dark & prolonged moods she sometimes succumbs to….
    And crushing loneliness, she even spoke of that to a documentary camera crew years ago.

    I cant recall her having spoken about the problems of being a one eyed, Scotch, spendaholic, lying, phone throwing, coward, bully, & mental though, but I dont really follow the celebrity culture, innit

  43. 43
    lexander says:

    “Special responsibility for African mothers” ??? Why not ginger-haired mums from Britain. You could not make it up! Wish I was still covering No 10.

  44. 44
    Anonymous says:

    Hold the horses ,why the fuck did Ahmed plead guilty to dangerous driving and get a ( all be it menial) jail sentence when there was no evidence according to the judge that he was texting at the time of the accident ????

    Could this have been a carve up to avoid a trial and evidence being disclosed in court as to what he was doing, where he had been, where he was going and more imprtantly what was the contents of his texts ????

    Then surprise surprise they let him out after a few days.


  45. 45
    Wee Gordon The Jockbastard o' Kirkcaldy says:

    So that’s any chance of Geri’s comeback completely fucked then I suppose. Great shame, I was looking forward to the new, not so anorexic Ms Halliwell demonstrating her ample wares on the stage.

  46. 46
    Gordon is a mong says:

    Dwarf tossing

  47. 47
    Dirty Rat says:

    I heard that Geri is as tight as a moose’s ear hole – nice tits though although I don’t expect Brown cast his good (well half good) eye over them.

  48. 48
    vlad the pimp says:

    Oh come on. We have all got an interest in the mental health of the PM. I still can’t decide if he really is just a monumentally fucking stupid imbecile and truly doesn’t realise how has fucked and is continuing to fuck the country.

    Or is he just purely evil. Does he hate us all so much that he really does want to destroy us. Give us a little taste of the middle ages right here in the UK.

    But whichever it is I wish he would just drop dead. And those evil fucking complicit bastards in the parliamentary Labour party are even worse. Because whatever Brown’s motivations his actions are utterly insane. And yet their tribalism and hatred of the Tories has completely blinded them to the economic berserker in their midst.

    They seem content to allow Brown to peddle the lie that we just need to borrow, oh, a few more hundred billion quid to see us through this ‘global economic downturn which has fuck-all to do with me, Gordon Brown’ and then we’ll just be right back on track. Sweet.

    What fucking parallel universe is that jackasses? We were running 3% and 4% deficits for years before any of this shit blew up. That’s what kills me. The glib lies they tell their imbecile voters. Yeah, don’t worry we’ll just keep paying y’all and sending you cheques in the post. It’ll all work out.

    Yeah. When you saddle some other poor bastard with the job of actually paying all this money back. And then jeer about the ‘nasty’ party when they have to hike taxes and slash benefits and jobs to try and get the lunacy under control.

    Evil fucking bastards. Or utterly fucking incompetent?

    I still can’t decide for sure.

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:

    Fiona Philips next – now she has time to take up Gordo’s offer – a government of all the talents

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:


  51. 51
    Air Nokia One says:


  52. 52
    Anonymous says:

    An Iranian blogger who was jaied for insulting clerics is reported as having died in prison

  53. 53
    anon says:


  54. 54
    Minekiller says:

    Amazing….the first department that needs culled / disbanded when the Tories get in (OK, they won’t have the balls to do it) is the “Department for International Development” (DfID). Formerly the Overseas Development Authority (ODA), this outfit was upgraded to a full department with Cabinet portfolio for one Ms Clare Short when NuLabia got in in 1997, in fact they changed the name plate on the wall at abut 0900hrs on 2nd May 1997.

    Disbanding this organisation which blows millions per year supporting Indian and Chinese Space programmes and space war ballistic missile defence systems, as well as numerous Mercedes fleets in Africa – would save the UK taxpayer huge amounts per year. An ‘aid tax’ cut could be made and the chartiable sector / NGOs could benefit by hiring the ‘ talent’ released from the disbanded DfID. Taxpayers could then choose which charities / overseas aid and development organizations they wanted to support, including those with ‘special responsibility for African Mothers’, Mercedes Fleet maintainence, water sanitation, the environment or whatever.

    In the business, DfID is also known as ‘Dumb Fuckers in Development’

  55. 55
    Frank says:

    Have you never been driving on a long boring stretch thinking about some girl in the office?

    Have you never at that very moment fancied a quickie whilst driving?

    Much better that Ahmed was jailed for talking on hiss phone then, don’t you think?

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry, I’ve just farted. Open the windows a bit.

  57. 57
    Minekiller says:

    Thicko, you are just sooooo Labour. Why do you assume that all posters here are Tories? A reason why Labour is so knackered, is because of it’s pathetic and childish tribalism that dictates that ‘if you are against Labour you must be a Tory’. Grow up man, one of Labour’s most dangerous stalking horses is the BNP – and it has grown from malcontents in the Labour voting base not the Tories.

    Foul mouthed? You think Tory? Think again.

  58. 58
    Minekiller says:

    Frank, it is a condition known as ‘convoy cock’

  59. 59
    Bogeyman says:

    Marina Hyde is about the only good thing in the Grauniad. She’s astute and sometimes very witty. On top of which she’s fucking gorgeous, unlike the Halliwell slapper.

  60. 60
    Lord Mandelscum of rent de' bois says:

    My Dear Mr Thick,

    I am so terribly sorry that my profanity offends your delicate soul. I apologies without reservation.

    I take it you will be so kind as to accept the fact that your idiot postings ans support of Labour also offend me and indeed most of the country and that you would not mind fucking off at your earliest convenience.

  61. 61
    vlad the pimp says:

    It’s not a failure. It’s deferred success. A*.

    Vote Labour

  62. 62

    Is that you, Geri?

  63. 63
    Disabled of Leicester says:

    Typical Labour troll.

    Using a disablility as a term of abuse really sums you & your sicko party up nicely.

    I suppose insulting “spastics” is okey dokey to you, as long as those “spastics” vote for the other side, eh?

    And you are complaining about people using foul language?

    What a complete hoon you are.

    I never thought I qwould say this, but I truly hope you are struck down with a disability in the very near future & all the cruelty that humanity can offer is bought to bare upon you.

  64. 64

    Caption Competition please?

  65. 65
    Minekiller says:

    More than that Vlad, owing the amazing advances in Education under NuLabour, you can leave school with three A* A-Levels, fourteen GSCEs at A*+++ without the inconvenience of the old fashioned, out-moded- “forces of conservatism” ideas of having to learn to read, write, add, subtract, divide or multiply. Brilliant!! I just don’t understand why educators from around the world aren’t queuing up to learn about our amazing system, or why the International Baccaluereat, hasn’t been discarded in favour of British A Levels?

  66. 66

    Dear Mr TaT,

    As a lifelong Lib Dem voter, you have now convinced me to vote for New Labour. Only New Labour can save us. Thank you.

  67. 67
    oldrightie says:

    They were discussing which mental health charity might be best to help Snotty.

  68. 68
    Spice up your life says:

    But her taste in men (Morgan, P) is dubious…

  69. 69

    Oh Guido….

    If you thought the BBC were shit at the web, wait till they get another £30 Million

    As well as BBC Albania website (yes, really ) can we look forward to BBC Mongolia spreading the glorious word of Gordon to the hoards?

  70. 70

    Is that a euphemism for thick as shit?

  71. 71

    Evil fucking bastards. Or utterly fucking incompetent?

    Gordon’s all for choice.
    It doesn’t have to be either/or.

  72. 72

    connected with weak signal…….#

    Conservatories = Finchley uncompetitive


  73. 73
    NotaSheep says:

    And this is the man who wanted to mark the end of “celebrity culture”; what a phoney.

  74. 74
    Luke says:

    Gordon Brown;
    We must clamp down
    On this damp clown

    © Luke 2009

  75. 75
    mankey says:

    Anyone seen this headline?

    I wonder how many offers he’s had?

  76. 76
    Anonymous says:

    No, don’t do it, Guido.

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    I think ‘Thick’ has a point. You’re becoming like a broken record. If you’re running out of steam, why not give the blog a rest for a bit – it must be like being on treadmill.

  78. 78
    Max says:

    The evil ones lead the incompetent ones (and not always from the front)…

  79. 79
    Anonymous says:

    So if someone (hero, patriot, martyr) does off the one eyed Gorgon we can get them off the hook by claiming it as assisted suicide?

  80. 80
    Carlos says:

    Dizzy has covered this rather well.

  81. 81
    Dirty Rat says:

    Albania. Norman Wisdom is big there – another fucking comedian.

  82. 82
    Cicero says:

    You’re not supposed to say phoney – didn’t that nice Mr Martin tell you?

  83. 83
    Cicero says:

    Illiteracy + innumeracy = New Labour

  84. 84
    Ethan says:


    If it’s sponsorhip he’s afer I’ll throw in a fiver….

    Gordon too busy licking those windows I suppose.

  85. 85
    Max says:

    I know I’ve posted this before but at the risk of being a boring old fart it’s in part the “vocational” courses wot is buggering all the figures upwards. A vocational course (or whatever passes for one; see Civitas Link) is worth 4 GCSE’s at C to A* grade. Gawd knows why the press ignore this and everyone turns a blind eye but a quick course of patio laying or nail technology (ie painting your nails, I kid you not) or whatever does wonders for the school stats, particularly if the poor student is just off the boat courtesy of another Department’s immigration or asylum policy and it’ll take years just to get them speaking English…

    This bunch of mawkish twats and their frankly deranged supporters (as demonstrated on here) have spent 12 years tinkering with this country and it is very definitely now broke.

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    gordon’s shit himself again

  87. 87
    What you weally weally want says:

    I think I need help but I just find there really is something about that girl that just does it for me. Thick as shit of course but good at least for a sperm receptacle.

  88. 88
    ginger midget says:

    Hazel Blears?????????????????????


  89. 89
    Anonymous says:


    Government of arseholes, toerags and simpletons

  90. 90
    Air Nokia One says:

    Sorry that was meant to be TESTicles

    to McJonahs latest efforts

    A* Ahh shucks! thanks

  91. 91
    aproposofwhat says:

    Don’t talk about Sarah like that!

  92. 92
    Stalin MacSporran says:

    Geri Halliwell also likes anal sex but hates the mess it makes. She told Jonathan Woss, who told a mate of mine, whose kids go to the same school as his.

  93. 93
    ex Whitehall wallah says:

    Before they put the “f” in their title they were known as DID. We Whitehall wallahs knew them as the Diddy Men (while of course making no acknowledgement nor apology to Ken Dodd)

  94. 94
    thick as thieves says:

    never mind clit brown but thank you to all my fans for responding to my posts.
    note to disabled of leicester: it is bad enough that you are disabled, but living in leicester? you poor bastard, what a kick in the nuts!

    old holborn: a lib dem supporter? good one, very funny for a tory dalek.
    well done.

    well, you are just a vulgar nonce. it is not so much your vulgarity I dislike, for, as a juvenile delinquent, vulgarity is my currency. no, it is your degenerate nature I despise. after all, it is a lack of morality that has dropped the whole country in the shit, not just gordon the moron. don’t you agree?

  95. 95
    thick as thieves says:

    you are a cia agent and I claim my £5.
    next you will be telling us Iran has nuclear weapons, just like Israel.

  96. 96
    Thatsnews says:

    Not an invitation to Draper?

    Or was it a post from Draper?

  97. 97
    Anonymous says:

    Twat. I hope you have a breakdown and top yourself.

  98. 98
    Shit-Bag says:

    Has she never heard of enemas?

  99. 99
    Anonymous says:

    Ordure! Ordure!

  100. 100
    Jebus says:

    She’s such a hoon flap, and a bit of a c-u-n-t too.

  101. 101
  102. 102
    Lincolnshire Squire says:

    Bit bigger than rheas?

  103. 103
    Lincolnshire Squire says:

    Apparently Gutless Gordo wants to be ‘closely involved’ with the 65th anniversary celebrations of D-day. Thank fuck he wasn’t around in 1944 or the Germans would have driven us into the sea.

  104. 104
    Mr Halliwell says:

    It’s another way of saying “Don’t Let the buggers Get You Down”

  105. 105
    Mr Halliwell says:

    “Obama’s a lightweight”, “Dave’s a lightweight” but now it’s got really serious, apparently “Gerri Halliwell’s a lightweight”! Something must be done.

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    It started in Poland.

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Fabulous contribution on the Grauniad blog:

    African Mother: I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

    Gerri: So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

    African Mother: I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

    Gerri: So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

    African mother: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna reorientate aid towards micro-economic adjustment policies, to the detriment of national project financing; and enhance localised organisational structures to facilitate credit availability, the involvement of women in the local decision making process and the participatory management of natural resources – focussing especially on the legal formalisation of water rights.

    Gerri: Zigazig ahh.

  108. 108
    Anonymous says:

    During the height of ‘Girl Power’ the Ginger one stated that she WAS a Tory girl and thought that Margaret Thatcher was the original exponent of Girl Power.

    What a sack of shit that Girl Power thing was.

    Maybe she gets on with the scottish hoon because they are roughly the same age.

  109. 109
    Call me Infidel says:

    Thick as thieves indeed, you can’t even hit the right reply button. How stupid are you?

  110. 110
    aproposofwhat says:

    Well that one at least certainly didn’t start in America.

  111. 111
    Anonymous says:

    Test icle

  112. 112
  113. 113
    Huw Janus says:

    This is probably something quite innocuous. Ms Halliwell is patron of the charity called Breast Cancer Care (as was once, I think, Cherie Blair – maybe she still is), so I imagine their meeting is something to do with it.

    Yeah, dull, I know. Can’t think of anything else to say at the moment. Still recovering from the pain of being made redundant yesterday.

  114. 114
    obelamu mukambo says:

    Yeah, the first time you’ll hear of Iranian nukes is when you find out you’ve got 10 seconds to get under the nearest table. Good luck.

  115. 115
    golem says:

    “Thick as thieves indeed, you can’t even hit the right reply button. How stupid are you?”

    How long have you got?

  116. 116
    Ninnymous says:

    Geri has form for sharing her life with Gay men, as she spent a time with George Michael.
    She was probably comparing notes with Sarah

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    I see the News of the Screws is reporting how the diterer’s mate Nigel Griffiths has spiced up his wife!

  118. 118
    thick as thieves says:

    hello infidel and golem,
    you are new here, so I will be kind to you on this occasion.
    please try harder you retards. I am more intelligent than you and I can understand how that must frustrate your small brains until they feel as if they will explode.
    er, that is all for now, please return to conservativefoam.

  119. 119
    Anonymous says:

    She still looks good in the picture on the right!

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