“The Hitch” Meets Peter Hitchens

The Hitch has just called with news, he has met the object of his homage this morning outside the British Museum.

Having spotted his hero he, of course, asked him for an autograph.

The not-at-all-bonkers Hitchens produced a grubby biro from his pocket, apologised for not having a fountain pen and proceeded to sign, just as he reached the letter “H” the Hitch said “I think I owe you an apology”. He immediately stops and asks “Why?”

As the Hitch recounts

“I’m the one who called himself Peter Hitchens on the Guido blog.” His chin hits his chest, a look of righteous indignation spread across his face followed by the screwing up of the autograph and his saying “In that case you aren’t having my autograph.”

I proffered my apology saying that as soon as I realised not-at-all-bonkers Hitchens had been hurt by my homage, I stopped doing it, this apparently wasn’t enough for the committed Christian. A frank exchange of views was then exchanged. Despite having told him it had all been in good spirit, Hitchens replied “If you really believe that then you are an even bigger aperture than you look”. To which I then retorted with a sub-Wildean flourish “And you are even more of a pompous w****r than I ever imagined, and you have a fat arse, now f*** off!”

The Hitch reports that his not-at-all-bonkers namesake then did just that, affording him a fine view of the Hitchens posterior as he wandered off a broken man. The Hitch is a disappointed, autograph-less man this morning…

See also the infamous blog post Peter Hitchens Stalking The Hitch




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Heather Wheeler talks to Burton Mail about her tweet…

“It was a tongue in cheek pop after the European Parliament tweet – it was purely that. I also wanted to congratulate Team GB on a brilliant result and thirdly congratulate the Commonwealth countries who also did very well. Fourth, I am also looking forwarded to establishing new trade agreements. That was it – nothing more. Let’s just enjoy the summer!”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Burkini Unbanned Burkini Unbanned
Who Said it: Blair or Smith? Who Said it: Blair or Smith?
Labour MPs Love Theresa May As Well Labour MPs Love Theresa May As Well
Labour Adviser Created “Theresa May for PM” Campaign Labour Adviser Created “Theresa May for PM” Campaign
FARAGE TO TRUMP “I COME TO YOU WITH A MESSAGE OF HOPE AND OPTIMISM” FARAGE TO TRUMP “I COME TO YOU WITH A MESSAGE OF HOPE AND OPTIMISM”
Max Mosley Funds Tom Watson’s 11 Advisers Max Mosley Funds Tom Watson’s 11 Advisers
“JEREMY, JEREMY, JEREMY” “JEREMY, JEREMY, JEREMY”
FANCY A JOB IN DANCZUK’S OFFICE? FANCY A JOB IN DANCZUK’S OFFICE?
TEAM GB SING NATIONAL ANTHEM ON VICTORY JET HOME TEAM GB SING NATIONAL ANTHEM ON VICTORY JET HOME
HOW BRITISH EMPIRE BEATS EU FOR OLYMPIC MEDALS HOW BRITISH EMPIRE BEATS EU FOR OLYMPIC MEDALS
PRCA Complain to Carolyn Harris Over Lobbyist’s Pass PRCA Complain to Carolyn Harris Over Lobbyist’s Pass
Oily Smith the Devolution Dodger Oily Smith the Devolution Dodger
Times Runs Full Page Ad for “China Heroes” Times Runs Full Page Ad for “China Heroes”
SONG FOR JEREMY SONG FOR JEREMY
DROMEY CUTS SHORT ATTACK ON CORBYN TO GREET CORBYN WARMLY DROMEY CUTS SHORT ATTACK ON CORBYN TO GREET CORBYN WARMLY
LABOUR MP GIVES LOBBYIST PARLIAMENTARY PASS LABOUR MP GIVES LOBBYIST PARLIAMENTARY PASS
BILL ETHERIDGE SPEAKS: “IT’S BEEN HARD TIMES” BILL ETHERIDGE SPEAKS: “IT’S BEEN HARD TIMES”
JAMIE OLIVER’S SUGARY, FATTY ADVERTISING HYPOCRISY JAMIE OLIVER’S SUGARY, FATTY ADVERTISING HYPOCRISY
LABOUR CONFERENCE CRISIS TALKS BREAK DOWN LABOUR CONFERENCE CRISIS TALKS BREAK DOWN
BRUTAL TORY ATTACK AD SAYS LABOUR SOFT ON ISIS BRUTAL TORY ATTACK AD SAYS LABOUR SOFT ON ISIS