Boris Unveils New Immigration Policy on Facebook Live

In another sign of the changing times, Boris has become the first Prime Minister to announce a new policy to the nation from his desk via Facebook Live. Scheduled to hit commuters on the way home and in time for the evening news. Boris is introducing an immigration rule-change to make the UK “even more welcoming” to scientists from around the world. Global Brexit starting to take shape under someone who actually believes in it…

UPDATE: Note the bus in the background. Cue conspiracy theories…

UPDATE II: We’ve now learned the details: Boris wants boffins to be able to avail themselves of a new fast-track visa to come to the UK as easily as possible. Boris’s policy is “to ensure the UK is the most attractive country to live in and develop new ideas”, he is set to discuss a range options with leading institutions and universities including:

  • Abolishing the cap on numbers under the Tier 1 Exceptional Talent Visas
  • Expanding the pool of UK research institutes and universities able to endorse candidates
  • Creating criteria that confer automatic endorsement, subject to immigration checks
  • Ensuring dependents have full access to the labour market
  • Removing the need to hold an offer of employment before arriving
  • Accelerated path to settlement

The plan is to launch the new visa later this year…

mdi-timer August 8 2019 @ 17:35 8 Aug 2019 @ 17:35 mdi-comment Comments
Experian Snubs Brexit Party Despite Working With Labour and Tories

Amid the perennial spectacle of Carole Cadwalladr trying to milk the activities of a small over-hyped data company for all it’s worth, the tinfoil hat brigade have been remarkably unfussed about an organisation that has been amassing one of the largest databases of personal information in the UK for over 30 years. They claim to process a staggering 750 million data records from 600 sources about UK citizens each month, holding data on 51 million individuals in Britain. They’ve also regularly run data-driven marketing campaigns for the Labour Party for over a decade, culminating in a major data scandal last year. The credit rating agency Experian…

They even boast of being able to provide “actionable insight on every UK consumer, household and location” – exactly the sort of ‘micro-targeting’ that normally gets Carole’s antennae spinning like a washing machine. Top tip for “fearless investigative journalists”: micro-targeting by Obama or the Labour Party = good, microtargeting by Leavers or Tories = bad.

Experian claim that their data “segments UK consumers through financial behaviour, demographic classification, digital behaviour and buying habits”, giving their clients the opportunity to tailor marketing campaigns using 500+ variables. Clearly they’re happy for corporates and political parties to “meet your data self” too, for the right price…

When they’re not running their irritating “data self” ads, Experian have also done work for the Tories and the Better Together campaign in the 2014 Scottish referendum, while they still host Labour’s main ‘Contact Creator’ database. So the Brexit Party were surprised to find that when they approached Experian as well, they initially made good progress in their discussions before unexpectedly being told:

“Experian has taken the decision to not provide services to any organisation which is explicitly campaigning for or against Britain’s exit from the European Union. As a consequence we are not able to help you on this occasion.”

Presumably they’ll be immediately cancelling all of their lucrative contracts with the officially Remain-campaigning Labour Party too then…

mdi-timer August 1 2019 @ 13:59 1 Aug 2019 @ 13:59 mdi-comment Comments
Cable Enjoys Summer Bash After Plugging Huawei

Vince Cable has long been a staunch advocate of greater Huawei involvement in the UK. From stepping down as Business Secretary in 2015 right up to this year he’s been busy penning op-eds talking them up and defending them in interviews. He even launched a public attack on Theresa May in 2016 over the fact that she demanded more stringent security vetting for Huawei when they were in Government together…

Luckily for Vince all that loyalty hasn’t gone unrewarded, he was happily enjoying Huawei’s hospitality at their Summer Reception in Banqueting House on Whitehall last night. Also on the guestlist were Shadow Business Minister Chi Onwurah and Labour MP Daniel Zeichner, the SNP’s Lisa Cameron and Tory peers Lucy Neville-Rolfe, Michael Bates and David Willetts who gave a speech opposing a blanket ban on Huawei 5G technology. Whether or not they’re allowed to help connect the UK’s 5G network, they’re certainly good at making connections in Parliament…

Is it too cynical of Guido to wonder if old twinkle toes is not thinking about his retirement and that perhaps a few non-executive directorships for the former Business Secretary would be in order. Given Vince’s SpAd at BEIS was Ashley Lumsden, who just so happens to now be head of Government Relations for Huawei, this is more likely than you might think. At least that way he’ll get paid for the service he is now giving Huawei for free…

mdi-timer June 26 2019 @ 15:50 26 Jun 2019 @ 15:50 mdi-comment Comments
Clegg: ‘Absolutely No Evidence’ Russia Influenced Brexit

Carole Cadwalladr and David Lammy have been spluttering furiously into their cornflakes all morning after Nick Clegg told the Today Programme that there was “absolutely no evidence” that Russia or Cambridge Analytica influenced Brexit. Clegg said “we have a duty to explain fact from some of the allegations that have been made”. Clearly not a duty that Carole has ever felt bound by herself

“Much though I understand why people want to reduce that eruption in British politics to some kind of plot or conspiracy, some use of new social media through opaque means, I’m afraid the roots to British euroscepticism go very, very deep…”

Never mind the fact that the official report from the Information Commissioner’s Office already crushed all of Carole’s grand conspiracies about Facebook, Cambridge Analytica and Brexit, raising questions about her pet whistleblower Chris Wylie instead. Clegg hasn’t triggered anyone this badly since tuition fees…

If she wants to start addressing disinformation on social media she could start with her own Observer ‘scoop’ over the weekend in which she deliberately mistranscribes a video of Steve Bannon talking about Boris. Bannon says “we went back and forth over text”, instead Carole transcribes this as “back and forth over the text” which then forms the crux of her story. The same people who’d be the first to say Bannon is a pathological liar are now taking an entirely unsubstantiated boast from him as the gospel truth before distorting it even further themselves…

mdi-timer June 24 2019 @ 10:26 24 Jun 2019 @ 10:26 mdi-comment Comments
Government Cocks Up Porn Laws

The Government is continuing to have a hard time getting their ludicrous Porn Laws through, this morning Jeremy Wright came to the Commons to confirm Guido’s report from last month that the Porn Laws will not be coming into force on 15th July. The problem apparently is that DCMS forgot to notify the EU of the change in the law, a cock-up which Wright says he only noticed last Friday, meaning the turgid legislation will be delayed for at least a further six months. Beautifully sums up May’s dire premiership – she can’t even get her grossly authoritarian legislation enacted because she hasn’t managed to leave the EU…

If anything this looks like a convenient excuse for ministers who have belatedly realised just how counterproductive and unenforceable the legislation will be, not to mention how deeply unpopular it will be when the unsuspecting public get caught with their pants down. Guido has spoken to MPs and ministers who were genuinely taken aback when they realised just how much of a mess the Government’s bone-headed policy is. DCMS won’t give a hard deadline following this third delay, by the time a new PM takes over the legislation will be so limp they should just toss it out…

mdi-timer June 20 2019 @ 13:40 20 Jun 2019 @ 13:40 mdi-comment Comments
Tory Leadership Cat-astrophe

Pakistan’s ruling party discovered the purrils of social media over the weekend after an unfur-tunate incident – politicians from Imran Khan’s party were left unamew-sed after the party’s official Facebook feed livestreamed a press conference. With a cat filter on:

The party evidently didn’t see the funny side and issued a humourless clarification for their cat-astrophic error. To stop Westminster watchers feline left out, Guido has given the Tory leadership contenders a similar makeover for your purr-usal:

Purr-haps the only surprise is that Rory Stewart hasn’t done it himself already…

mdi-timer June 17 2019 @ 16:12 17 Jun 2019 @ 16:12 mdi-comment Comments
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