Sweet-Toothed Rayner Caught Red-Handed Pouring Jar of Pear Drops Into Her Bag

Concerned co-conspirators tell Guido they spotted Angela Rayner taking an inordinate number of pear drops from a pick n’ mix stand at Google’s summer party on Monday night. The party was held at the swanky Garden Museum, with canapés, champagne and confectionary aplenty for the distinguished guest list. Pornstar martinis were served in teacups, and an entire pick n’ mix station offered a smorgasbord of sweet treats…

Guido’s sources say Rayner approached the stand as a co-conspirator was picking their own sweets. “What’s your favourite?” she asked. “Pear drops”, replied the hungry co-conspirator…

With that, the sweet-toothed Deputy Leader of His Majesty’s Opposition grabbed the jar of pear drops and emptied “almost three-quarters” of the sugared contents into her bag. Below is a picture of the remaining drops after Rayner had tipped out her generous supply. Note how few remain relative to the other sweets…

Given Rayner’s habit of fudging the numbers with all those AirPods receipts, maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise to see her taking advantage of a corporation like this. Some might argue Guido’s comparing apples and pears with this mallow-drama.

mdi-timer 5 July 2023 @ 16:49 5 Jul 2023 @ 16:49 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
MPs and Staffers Accept Chocolate Bribes from Corrupting, Deforesting, Child Labour Exploiting, Price Fixing, Russian Sanctions Busting Corporation

Anybody within of the Palaces of Westminster today would notice a distinct buzz in the air, as MPs and staffers alike have been queuing up to receive freebies from an event organised by Cadbury’s parent company Mondelez International. Guido would advise ethical parliamentary co-conspirators to avoid rushing to the terrace for their fill free chocolate bars. The golden tickets aren’t what they seem…

Mondelez international is far from an ethical supplier, here are just some of their problematic issues:

  • They illegally cleared parks to grow cocoa in national parks and protected areas in Ghana and the Ivory Coast. In 2018 they were found to have helped push orangutan to the brink of extinction by clearing 70,000 hectares of rainforest.
  • Mondelez has been found to rely on child labour in their supply chain. They have themselves ‘fessed up to the issue.
  • Whilst other companies have ceased operations in Russia, Mondelez continues to operate. In a statement on the subject, the company Committed to “helping maintain continuity of the food supply during the challenging times ahead”.
  • Perhaps most relevant to our elected officials, in 2013 they were forced to pay up $13 million amid charges it violated federal anti-bribery laws.
  • In 2015, they were accused of wheat futures price-fixing, raising the price of the commodity and earning millions in the process.
  • Cadbury’s 2016 takeover resulted in 500 UK job losses and the abandonment of their fair trade commitment.

No wonder they’re trying to sweeten British MPs…

Amid all the hubbub, a Guido investigative journalist ventured down to the terrace this afternoon. After Guido had a single slice of chocolate cake, a Mondelez executive escorted him out…

mdi-timer 25 April 2023 @ 16:48 25 Apr 2023 @ 16:48 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Life is Like a Box of Chocolates for the House of Lords

The slower-paced House of Lords, sometimes referred to as London’s premier retirement home, is doing little to change its reputation of being as useful as a chocolate tea pot. A contract spotted by Guido shows the upper chamber is about to spend a whopping £50,000 of taxpayers’ money… on chocolate provision.

The four-year contract is seeking to appoint one or two supplies to “provide a variety of Chocolates for sale within its retail and catering outlets”

“We recognise that Chocolates are popular at different levels: as impulse buys, self-purchase, as souvenirs, and as luxury gifts. Members like to purchase chocolates as gifts and they are frequently used in banqueting in goodie bags or table gifts.”

For any prospective Willy Wonkas hoping to apply, the contract application closes on the 18th November. For elderly Peers, Guido hopes the chocolate provision will boost their ability to work, rest and play…

mdi-timer 26 October 2021 @ 16:32 26 Oct 2021 @ 16:32 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments