Prime Mentalist Flips Out at Whips For Being Made to Work

Tory MPs walking to the Tea Room report that Gordon has been loudly remonstrating Labour whips in their office so loudly that they could hear from the corridor. The former Prime Mentalist is apparently rather unhappy at being made to come back to vote, as he is paid to do, when the Tory army rebellion was beaten comfortably. One tells Guido he was “having an absolute barney”. It’s almost as if he’s an ex-politician resenting being made to represent his constituents… 

“Ex-Politician” Gordon Paid £349,501 in One Month

No wonder the Prime Mentalist has forgotten he is still an MP. In October alone he has declared payments for outside work of £349,501, including for speeches and junkets to Shanghai, Johannesburg, Monaco and New York. As ever Gordon warns the press:

“I am not receiving any money from this role personally. It is being held by the Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown for the employment of staff to support my ongoing involvement in public life.”

Presumably that’s the “ongoing involvement in public life” he cannot remember he is still supposed to be doing.

That “office” flies Gordon around the world first class and puts him up in five star hotels, refuses to disclose how much it gives to charity, how much it pays Sarah Brown, how much is sitting in its bank account for when he finally quits. Who does he think he’s kidding…

WATCH: Gordon Brown Forgets He is an MP

Gordon Brown, speaking to Mishal Husain and the Queen of Jordan in Qatar today, reveals he sees himself as an “ex-politician”. Someone should tell the people of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath…

Sunny Hundal’s Greatest Hits Proof the IDS Welfare-to-Work Reforms Working

So farewell then, Sunny Hundal. Liberal Conspiracy is soon to be no more. Sunny is closing it down because “there is just too much opinion out there”, he is off to lecture at Brian Cathcart’s world-renowned Kingston University. Proof that IDS’ policies are working. Welfare-to-work has succeeded in reducing Hounslow’s unemployment rate…

We’re going to miss him. So many precious memories:

There was the time he took to Twitter from his mum’s spare bedroom to stick up for Chris Huhne, at the time Guido was pushing the story:

There was the time he “exclusively leaked” the Coalition agreement, when it had already been published by the BBC and was officially available to download. When he celebrated the hospitalisation of someone he disagrees with. The time he dismissed the student protest violence at CCHQ, calling the Tories and police wusses. And when he got to the bottom of what losing the Bradford West by-election really meant for Labour:

Who can forget the the time he voted Green. The time he voted LibDem. The time he said vote Tory. All despite being Miliband’s biggest cheerleader.

Not to mention when he was ridiculed by the entire internet for trying to argue that all right-wingers are evil. When he set up a petition to debate in parliament something he didn’t want to be debated in parliament. And when Jim Naughtie told him to shut up. Finally, when he was named the 16th worst person on Twitter:

“He perfectly encapsulates the uselessness of political discussion in Britain. He isn’t even effective at the minor, inconsequential tasks he sets for himself.”

“We want to be the hub” of left-wing online collaborative politics, Sunny said grandly back in 2007. Turns out it’s just a one-man show. ‘Innit…

N.B. Feel free to add any other favourites from the Sunny back catalogue in the comments.

Prime Mentalist Going Loco Down in Acapulco

Parliament has a full schedule this week, so of course Gordon is instead jetting off to a Mexican party town to address a conference on the financial crisis. He has clearly brought the Curse of Jonah with him. Just this week Acapulco has been battered by storms and heavy flooding, if that wasn’t enough CNN reports on its recent “economic devastation”. It is also reportedly set to go bankrupt. Hurricane Jonah strikes again…

Right-Wing Cornerstone Tories Slam “Muppet” Afriyie

Last night the greatest politician of this or any other generation tweeted:

However people in the room say this meeting was far from constructive. Guido is told that Bill Cash, Bernard Jenkins, John Hayes and Edward Leigh stuck it to Afriyie in no uncertain terms with the word “muppet” being thrown around about his EU referendum amendment. Euro-sceptic right-wing Tory MPs tell Guido that there is a growing consensus on the Tory benches that Afriyie has now blown his career so badly that he should stand down in 2015. “He won’t though, he still thinks he is a man of destiny”, says one.

Éoin Clarke is an Idiot (Part 94)

According to the Office of National Statistics in May 2010 UK unemployment increased to 2.51 million or a rate of 8%.

According to the Office of National Statistics in a release yesterday in August 2013 UK unemployment decreased to 2.49 million and the unemployment rate dropped to 7.7%

Éoin Clarke is an idiot…

UPDATE: A number of readers in the comments are asking “Who is Éoin Clarke?”. He is an idiot.

See also The Many Apologies of “Dr” Eoin Clarke

Afriyie Two Times Tories

Adam Afriyie’s quest for world domination continues from strength to strength.

Guido hears that the future Tory leader has been taking tea-party soundings with various backbenchers.

These niceties are essential for any future Prime Minister building support amongst his party troops, yet you would have expected someone of Afriyie’s monumental standing and renowned competence to keep a list of who has been invited.

The Tory benches are awash with tales of various members being summoned for not one, but two, cuppas and a chat with their future leader, only to discover Adam is introducing himself again as if they had never met. Yes he did!

 

WATCH: Jo Swinson’s Finest Hour

By some distance. Afriyie’s face was a classic.

Via @liarpoliticians.

Tory MPs Humiliate Afriyie

Scoop from the Speccie: 140 of the 147 members of the 2010 intake Tory MPs have signed a letter telling Adam Afriyie to drop his EU amendment.

Dear Adam

Delivering a referendum on our membership of the EU is, as you have said, essential. We believe that the bill before the House provides in its current form the best opportunity to secure this outcome, in part because of its uncomplicated, unambiguous nature. This gives the Bill the best chance of progressing through the House.

So, whilst we recognise the sense of urgency reflected in your amendment, we feel that this will jeopardize the progress of legislation and the prospect of a referendum. Knowing that you value and respect the views of colleagues we hope and request that you withdraw support for the amendment tabled in your name.

Which is just about as awkward as it could get for someone who wants to be leader. Going on Question Time this evening yet another Team Afriyie media strategy success…

When Adam Afriyie Didn’t Care About a Referendum

Guess who abstained from the 2011 Tory EU rebellion that was calling for an EU Referendum? Someone who has made a lot of noise about the need for an EU referendum before the election and should not have been worrying about possible career progression under Cameron enough to vote against what he believes is a vital issue. Slow clap for Adam Afriyie.

Gordon Confronted About McBride

Gordon’s alive!

And he’s been spotted on the fringe…

…of the United Nations General Assembly:

Telling…

Phillip Schofield Oblivious to Irony

This would be the same Phillip Schofield who cost ITV £125,000 in damages after smearing Lord McAlpine as a nonce…

Where’s Gordon?

An MP sitting in the chamber texts to confirm the former Prime Minister is not present for a debate on a major international crisis that could ultimately result in British troops being committed to military action.

Labour Charging Members for Laughter

What’s the only thing worse than an email from the Labour Party? Well one that opens with “Your invitation to join Eddie Izzard and Jo Brand” must be pretty high up the list.  Labour are organising “Stand Up For Labour” – an evening of comedy with scant disregard for the feelings wheelchair bound members. The name reminded Guido of the last time he heard a politician utter those words, and given it’s a very slow Friday in the middle of August:

Apparently the event will “you rolling in the aisles with a great night of laughs for Labour.” A feeling many of us do not need to pay £30 for the daily pleasure.

Harman's Son Grasses Mean Media to His Mummy

Joe Dromey, a red prince of the Labour aristocracy, stands accused of using his mother’s position as Shadow Secretary of State for Culture Media and Sport to try to threaten a national newspaper. Crowing about a minor clarification that he had won on the back of reporting the Mail to the PCC, Harriet Harman’s son Joe insisted that the complaint was solely his and he “used the PCC, as anyone else can”. He later confessed that he had CC’d his mother in an email to the newspaper. Given her sensitive role around the implementation of the Leveson recommendations and the setting up of a new media regulator, Guido will let you draw your own conclusions on whether this was in anyway appropriate conduct for any politician’s child, let alone one that told comrades that he aspires to be an MP himself one day. Running to mummy is one thing, running to mummy the shadow media regulator is quite another…

Dromey Jr is claiming that he did not have his mother’s permission to CC her in his email to the newspaper, though he is asking us to take him at his word on that one. Once again we have politicians, albeit in this case a wannabe one, throwing their weight around in an attempt to bully the media. Joe is right when he says anyone can go to the PCC, only a red prince however can use his mother’s prominence in public life as a stick to try and beat away scrutiny. If Harriet Harman didn’t give permission for her son to use her name in his complaint, what action did she take when she saw that she had been CC’d in the email? 

Fake "Dr" Eoin Clarke to Eat His Words

Regular readers will remember serial idiot “Dr” Eoin Clarke. The doctor (of Irish feminism) was making predictions this morning about the spurious High Court challenge to the changes in handouts:

So how did that go for him?

Eat them Clarke, eat them right now.

See also:

Labour Shadow Health Minister Loses It After Debate Jamie Reed's Foul Mouthed Tirade

reed

Tensions are running high in the heat. After the unedifying scenes in the House earlier, Labour’s Shadow Health Minister Jamie Reed cracked under the pressure. During the statement Tory David Morris, who represents one of the Trusts that was plagued with problems, called for Burnham’s resignation. After leaving the Chamber Morris said hello to ever irritating, but usually mild mannered, Jamie Reed MP. “F**k Off” Reed bellowed in response before waddling away in huff. Raw nerve, eh?

UPDATE:

To the Manor Born: Chuka's Small Business Blunder

Last Thursday the National Skills Academy for Retail organised “Independents’ Day” to celebrate local independent businesses. As is so often the way, the Shadow Business Secretary Chuka Umunna saw the perfect chance for a photo-op. He posed outside The Manor Arms, an independent pub in his Streatham constituency:

Yesterday it was announced that The Manor Arms has been taken under control by Broken Foot Inns Ltd, a pub chain. That went well then.

Gordon's Alive!

Perfectly timed as Ed goes for MPs with second jobs, the Prime Mentalist will speak in the House this evening for just the third time in the last year:

ADJOURNMENT DEBATE

Until 7.30pm or for half an hour (whichever is later) (Standing Order No.

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Radio Derby: “Do you know what a mugwump is?”

Theresa May: “What I recognise is that what we need in this country is strong and stable leadership.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Zac Back? Watch Our Guy News Special Zac Back? Watch Our Guy News Special
Campaign Report: 43 Days To Go Campaign Report: 43 Days To Go
Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch
Farron U-Turns and Sacks David Ward Farron U-Turns and Sacks David Ward
‘Spring’ Breaks: Jolyon’s Short-Lived New Party ‘Spring’ Breaks: Jolyon’s Short-Lived New Party
More Selection Shenanigans More Selection Shenanigans
Bouattia Ousted Bouattia Ousted
David Ward Becoming a Problem for Farron David Ward Becoming a Problem for Farron
Clive Lewis Slammed by ICM for Fake News Poll Clive Lewis Slammed by ICM for Fake News Poll
Radio 4 Gossips Link Peston to Today Radio 4 Gossips Link Peston to Today
Mirror Chicken Fattened for Election Slaughter Mirror Chicken Fattened for Election Slaughter
Len Tries to Stitch Up Liverpool Walton for His Bag Carrier Len Tries to Stitch Up Liverpool Walton for His Bag Carrier
Starmer on Corbyn: Then and Now Starmer on Corbyn: Then and Now
Updates: Who’s Standing? Who’s Standing Down? Updates: Who’s Standing? Who’s Standing Down?
Banks Bottles It Banks Bottles It
Corbynista Unfurls “Farron Hates Gays” Placard Corbynista Unfurls “Farron Hates Gays” Placard
Esther McVey for Tatton Esther McVey for Tatton
Zac Back? Zac Back?
UKIP’s Islamo-Banifesto UKIP’s Islamo-Banifesto
Karen Danczuk Seeks Selection in Bury Karen Danczuk Seeks Selection in Bury