Chuka Boasts of Mystery Girlfriend

The Shadow Business Secretary and closet DJ Chuka Umunna has been boasting about what good mates he is with Tinie Tempah: “Tinie and I are friends, we go way back,” he told the Standard at a party: “We’re both Nigerian, both from south London. He’s from Peckham, I’m Streatham.” He even got a hug from the rapper later.

It was party boy Chuka’s chat with City AM’s diarist that really caught Guido’s attention though. Apparently Chuka prefers staying in now:

“I love watching Gogglebox with my girlfriend.”

A shocking revelation… What is it about Gogglebox’s constant laying into Ed Miliband that Chuka enjoys the most?

So This Is Doing the Rounds of Asian Trading Floors…

An oriental co-conspirator points out that PUKI is Filipino for vagina… 

Finding NiMo Another Special Adviser

Nicky Morgan hid in her office while she had the three SpAds she inherited from Michael Gove sacked back in July. Now she has finished replacing them. Guido is told Morgan has hired up Holly-Lee Davis from the Centre for Social Justice – which is becoming the government holding pen once embodied by PX. The LSE-educated brainbox who also works with an “initiative aimed at promoting peace amongst school-aged children in the Middle East”. Davis joins gay rights activist Luke Tryl and Lynton Crosby’s former assistant Chris Wilkins at DfE. She should be able to spot a Trojan Horse plot a mile off…

DATA SPECIAL: Karen Danczuk Twitter Selfie Analysis

Guido’s favourite Labour councillor Karen Danczuk was given a tough time during her appearance on Loose Women, coming in for some particularly unfair criticism about her allegedly provocative Twitter selfies. This blog has always been at the cutting edge of agenda setting data journalism, so Guido decided to investigate and put Karen’s defence to the test. The evidence presented below shows that Mrs D is right, despite what the Loose Women said more often than not her selfies are just good, clean fun:

In light of this indisputable new evidence perhaps Karen’s critics should start talking about some of her other assets…

Leaders’ Wives: Cos-t of Living Lib Dem Edition

Miriam complimented a business-like white shirt by showing her true LibDem colours with a yellow below-the-knee wool mohair skirt with folded front pleat, designed to sit on the waist, available from Cos for £89. Stylishly accompanied by a taste of home: gold heels from Spanish brand Uterqüe.

Nick wore a navy Hackett suit, with a white shirt and red tie from M&S…

Loads More Page 3

Guido is all for promoting the work of models on Instagram, so… As the No More Page 3 Anti-Sex League snipes at the Sun’s breast cancer and healthy body image campaigns, Page 3 star Rhian and pals, who she describes as the “#BoobTroop”, have hit back with an alternative t-shirt slogan: Loads More Page 3. Who do you think has more support?

Vorderman Teases Ed to His Face about Forgetting Deficit

Miliband might have thought he was on safe ground at the Mirror’s Pride of Britain awards last night, but he still ended up cringing in front of all his close friends like Yvette Cooper, Douglas Alexander and Ed Balls.

Sitting amongst an audience of hundreds of volunteers and media types, along with the PM, Ed did not appear to enjoy Carol Vorderman’s introduction. Welcoming them both, the sexy maths minx quipped something along the lines of: “Good job I had an autocue for that bit. Might be a lesson for you there Ed.” To make matters worse for Miliband, the largely non-political audience of celebs seemed to get it and loved it. Guido understands that collective wincing to be known as ‘cut through’.

Sam Cam's £99 Austerity Busting Conference Dress

Sod the tax cuts, as ever Guido brings you the important leader’s speech news. Sam Cam was wearing a new frock from Hobbs.

‘The Penrose Wrap’ retails at a austerity-approved £149, though if she bought it online she could have picked it up for just £99!

The dress is both serene and versatile, with the crossover detailing at the waist creating a slender silhouette, complimented nicely by the sleeveless and knee-length structure.

Sam accompanied it with an old pair of LK Bennett shoes. 

UKIP Banks on Mystery Donation Figure……and Don't Mention His Mrs and Mike Hancock

There is some bafflement in Tory circles this morning over from where exactly UKIP have plucked the quarter of a million pound figure for defector Arron Bank’s donations to the Conservative Party since 2005. A hungover scan of the Electoral Commission website by Guido shows only two donations of £25,000 from Banks to two Tory branches since Cameron became leader: Thornbury & Yate and Northavon, and no money to the central party. Which makes the £250,000 being punted on the news channels look a little iffy.

Leaving that aside this initial confusion while it’s investigated, what will Arron Banks’ new friends at UKIP have to say about his wife’s somewhat mysterious acquisition of the right to stay in the UK? Banks married Ekaterina Paderina in 2001, who regular readers will remember was a good chum of LibDem turbo-perve Mike Hancock:

“Miss Paderina came to Britain from Ekaterinburg in eastern Russia on a student visa in the late 1990s. In November 1998 she met and married Eric Butler a retired merchant seaman from Portsmouth, who was more than twice her age. Immigration officials were suspicious about the marriage and Miss Paderina was informed she could face deportation. But after seeking help from their local MP, Mr Hancock, Miss Paderina was allowed to stay in Britain, despite her marriage to Mr Butler allegedly lasting just three months.”

According to Paderina’s ex, Handy-cock “went out of his way to help the blonde Russian after she paid several visits to his constituency office.” Rather awkwardly for Banks, Hancock’s seat is very high up the list of UKIP targets that he’s now funding… 

UPDATE: UKIP sources are confident of the figure. They immediately point to an outstanding loan from 2007 of £75,000 from Banks’ Panacea Finance to the Thornbury association, as well as the £50,000 given in his own name. So that’s halfway there then…

COMPETITION: Guess Whose Boots?

Think you know? Have your say in the comments…

#EverydaySexism Rife at Labour Conference

Everyday sexism is rife at Labour conference. Tom Watson waddled off yesterday after describing a bacon butty bearing babe as a “Sun model”:

A rather patronising assumption to make about Cherry Wilson, who is a journalist at the paper specialising in features:

Meanwhile, Sky News political correspondent Sophy Ridge has had her own encounter with a dinosaur:

What would Harriet say?

Venezuela Goes From Boob to Bust

venezuela2

It is not just the economy which is sagging in socialist Venezuela, the country has been hit by a shortage of breast implants, a foretaste of what Britain can expect under a Miliband government. Despite attempts by former leader Hugo Chavez to nip the craze in the bud, boob jobs have become a key cultural asset of the Latin American nation, with the country racking up a whopping 85,000 procedures last year. Recently however the enhanced price of implants has meant a reduction in the numbers having the surgery. “The women are complaining. Venezuelan women are very concerned with their self-esteem” says Ramon Zapata of the Venezuelan Society of Plastic Surgeons. President Maduro, who has seen his government rapidly lose support, is being kept abreast of the issue…

No More Page 3's Jubilation Sags

The anti-sex league were really milking it yesterday, their cups runneth over:

The cause for their celebrations? Uncle Rupert had signalled a possible change of heart, just as Page 3 had been absent from the Sun for a few days – not unusual at the moment:

Had their war on fun been won? This morning the Sun’s editor tweeted:

Not quite the ‘support’ they thought they had.

Hari-Kiri-s On Being a Fraud

Guido regrets to report that disgraced former Indy writer Johann Hari’s re-education has not been a success. Hari has embarked on something of a comeback working for Russell Brand and making up a new book, but today forensic internet sleuth Jeremy Duns, fresh from slotting Mo Ansar, has caught him up to his old tricks once again. Hari says he’s a changed man and posts audio clips of all his interviews to back up his claims. Yet comparing Hari’s written account of a new interview with the audio posted on his website, Duns finds the same old discrepancies. He writes:

It’s the first quote from Sarah Brook. The clip is just seven seconds long. She says: ‘I was the person who found the – me and my colleague – who found the bullet in the leg.’

I’ve put it in quotes because it is a direct quote. That is what she said. But it’s a little awkward. How to render that in an article? Well, I’d probably not use that quote, but instead write something like ‘Brook and a colleague found the bullet in the leg.’ And then quote her.

But that isn’t what Hari did in his article published this month in the British Airways magazineHigh Life. Instead, he has this:

‘Then a corpse was found. It had been there a while. Most of the meat had rotted away. It was a skeleton with hooves. The horn had been chopped off, and the entire skull was found elsewhere. The tail had been cut off. ‘I was the person,’ Sarah tells me years later, in a café in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, ‘who found the bullet in the leg’. It became clear that Sarah had stumbled into a turning point in history — one she couldn’t have foreseen. She was standing over the body of the last ever Vietnamese rhino. This subspecies had survived unchanged for nine million years, and now it was gone forever.’

That quote is inaccurate. I have heard it and verified it was not said directly to Johann Hari, and you can, too. It is significantly inaccurate, too, because it leaves out a key fact – two people found the bullet. There is no valid journalistic reason to leave out the second person his interviewee has told him about. Hari has misquoted his interviewee, and in doing so risked making her come across as boastful when she was not, a  liar when she was not, and perhaps even created a problem for her with that colleague. And he has also misled us, his readers.

Bloomsbury will be reading Johann’s new book very carefully before they let it hit the shelves… Hari’s one time defenders are very quiet.

WATCH: Saucy Susanna Reid in "Beating Off Men" Slip

The viewers of Good Morning Britain were spluttering into their cornflakes during Susanna Reid’s interview with Downton Abbey hunk Dan Stevens earlier:

She managed to shake it off with consummate professionalism…

Bryant's Nads Mix Up

Chris Bryant has got his knickers in a twist after Nadine Dorries mistakenly accused him of being a video star:

Nads was delighted to be able to set the record straight when Guido reminded her that she may have been thinking about these snaps, thankfully in still rather than moving form:

As ever Guido is happy to clear up the misunderstanding…

Mrs Danczuk’s Now and Then Bikini Snaps

When Labour wife Karen Danczuk isn’t tweeting photos of her baps on sale at her Rochdale deli, she spends her time giving MP husband Simon plenty of support online. Karen has delved into the archives however to mark Throwback Thursday, a Twitter hashtag where people share old pics of themselves. Lucky followers have been treated to a past poolside holiday snap:

And then a more recent selfie:

Still got it…

SpAd Movements: Truss Takes PX’s Porter to Defra

Liz Truss has landed a big name from wonk world as her new media SpAd. Guido understands Policy Exchange brainbox Ruth Porter will be shopping for a new pair of wellies as she heads off to Defra. It’s a strong move all round, Ruth’s media handling experience will help boost the public profile of ambitious Liz, while another PX graduate moving into the heart of government bolsters their reputation as a feeder club for top Tory talent. Politically-ambitious Porter herself must be in line for a decent seat next time round. She will be replaced at PX by former Bank of England economist Steve Hughes. White Dee cruelly overlooked for the job…

Mehdi’s Morning Glory

Morning Mehdi, you appear to have copy and pasted the wrong link into your tweet:

As you can see, the link in question is certainly not appropriate for a family blog:

Perhaps he was hacked by Mossad?

Bercow Faces ‘Cash for Access’ Accusations Speaker Accepts Donation From Sally’s Security-Cleared Pal

John Bercow is facing accusations of ‘cash for access’ after Guido revealed he has accepted a donation from a businesswoman to whom he gave a parliamentary pass. Farah Sassoon, who is a close friend of Sally Bercow and is well known for her booze-fuelled exploits with the Speaker’s wife, was granted clearance by the Bercows allowing her to bypass parliament’s security checks.[…] Read the rest

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