Le Totty Watch : Meet Sarkozy's New Minister

Sarkozy certainly knows how to pick his women. Caribbean-born Christine Kelly, 39, is is to become minister for overseas territories.

The Mail quotes a source as saying “Mr Sarkozy is hugely impressed that she is not only attractive, but in touch with the modern world… Christine has a huge fan base thanks to her regular appearances in the media, and will be a massive asset.”

She certainly has great assets.

Spice Up Your Wife

haliwell-downing-streetOur ending-celebrity-culture Prime Mentalist had Gerri Halliwell visiting Downing Street this week.  Not sure what the Spice Girl was doing, perhaps she was advising Sarah on push up bras or maybe Gordon on monetary policy.  Both equally as likely.

haliwell

Marina Hyde’s Lost in Showbiz Blog* is excellent on the subject.  It is from her that Guido learns that Geri said “I love talking about poo and wee”.  Aha, it all becomes clear…

*Years ago in the infancy of this blog a number of stories and jokes got recycled in Marina’s Guardian Diary without attribution.  A heated exchange of emails followed and the recycling stopped. Note Guido’s careful attribution.

LibDem Youth Teeny Totty Tantrums

libdem-girlsIt seems Nick Clegg is having trouble with the kids, after personally launching the rebranded Liberal Youth movement last year, the kids are now biting the hand that feeds them. Their election for a new chairman has descended into the kind of fight that only student politics can. The incumbent chair, Elaine Bagshaw, is a Labour defector (pictured here raving) who has been compared to Vicky Pollard by Quentin Letts. Opponents say she is playing dirty to secure a second term.

Her libertarian leaning opponent Sara Scarlett (pictured smiling), has resigned from the kids club executive after rounds of furious bitching* chronicled by the Tory Bear blog.  Mind you she managed to slag of the sheer “corporate incompetence” of Cowley Street before she went.  In an illiberal move worthy of Trotskyite splinter group, Bagshaw is now trying to get her opponent kicked out of the party to clear the way for her re-election.

Both candidates for the top job have  called for Liberal Youth the organisation to be scrapped – does that show leadership potential?

*There was a  Downfall spoof video, a must have for any political bitchfight these days, sadly that disappeared after talk of legal action.

Is Theresa Villiers Taking Fashion Advice from Sarah Palin?

The Tories are doing a live videocast and live-chat right now, with Greg Clark, the Shadow Energy and Climate Change Secretary, and Theresa Villiers, the Shadow Transport Secretary. Guido is mesmerised thinking that Villiers is going for a Sarah Palin look – see for yourself.

Totty Watch : “I’m Babz, Fly Me”

A press release arrives from Conservatives for International Travel:

TORY GRASSROOTS GROUP APPLAUDS HEATHROW DECISION

Conservatives for International Travel, the grassroots group that supports keeping the cost of flights as low as possible, today applauded the decision by the Prime Minister to go ahead with a third runway at Heathrow...

It is a great victory for the campaign and all credit to Babz Normille, the campaign director.

She can give up the modelling career and focus on lobbying media luminaries…

Totty Watch : Big Brother Tory Titillates

Celebrity Big Brother is back with freaks and celebs for all. Lucy Pinder has attracted attention because of her natural 32G chest and because she is according to the Sun, “posh totty”, a “bit of a Tory” and “admires Margaret Thatcher for being the first female PM”. The 25-year-old is coulrophobic — she is scared of clowns – which may also explain her antipathy to Gordon Brown. Shockingly Dale has come over all Guidoesque with risque pictures of Lucy on all fours after seeing her go into the Big Brother house saying “I’m a bit of a Tory Bird … best not to put me in with any bleeding heart liberals”.However one of Dale’s readers (AnOnEye) comments “Lucy Pinder is the perfect symbol of the Cameron/Osborne Tory party: a pair of t*ts with no brains!” Ouch.

Totty Watch : Mink Minx

Anne Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Kellyanne Conway and a few more U.S. women conservatives have done a calendar “Pretty in Mink” to raise funds for the Clare Boothe Luce Institute. The left have flipped in outrage, as was obviously intended.

The institute offers political leadership training to right-leaning women and discourages promiscuity. Guido therefore won’t be buying the calendar.

Hat-tip : ABC News photo story here.

Totty Watch : TottyCheeky Girls II

Lembit seems to be finding it difficult to let go of the past. He has been appointed as The Sport’s only political columnist. The publicity shots are in a sad way poignant, two young slim, sexy dark haired girls in his arms. Oh the memories…
Lembit is the living embodiment of the Guidoisation of politics. He has had a tragically tough year. Clearly to find happiness he needs the love of a good woman, or women even.

Firm Support for Beer Tax Cut

It makes Guido choke on his Guinness that Gordon gets over a quid every time he buys a pint. 33% of the cost of a pint is tax – which alone must mean that Guido is a higher rate taxpayer.

This was the scene this morning in Westminster where Jennifer Ellison was pulling pints, Kym Marsh stayed up north in her local.

[…] Read the rest

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Off Down the Pub

For a cause and a pint.

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Totty Watch : Possibly the Best Tax Cut Photo Op Ever

Guido will be in the Westminster Arms tomorrow Thursday morning. Bit early even for Guido you might think, this however is for a good and noble cause: the launch of the Save the Pub campaign to to promote a Great British tradition and oppose plans to increase beer tax.[…] Read the rest

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Totty Watch Italia : Italian Minister for Equality Sues Over “Blowjob for Silvio” Smear

Italian prime minister Berlusconi’s Equal Opportunities Minister Mara Carfagna (pictured) – a former topless model – is suing over claims that the 32-year-old got her job as minister by performing oral sex on Mr Berlusconi.Carfagna’s relationship with Silvio Berlusconi is ununusual – he said in 2007: “If I was not already married I would have married her immediately.” Carfagna says the rumour-mongering about her and Silvio proved she was the victim of a sexist campaign.[…] Read the rest

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Maybe Later this Evening

Judging by the banner hanging over the front door, the Rocket Club lap-dancing joint is not exactly embarrassed by all the free publicity it has received. Guido has his discount voucher. Should be more fun than having a drink with David Willets.[…] Read the rest

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Totty Watch : Labour Looker Spotted

Just snapped this totty straight off the telly. Julia Toft actually looks glossy and well spoken enough to be a Tory girl. What is she doing in the Labour Party?

Reports from those returning from Manchester suggest the number of activist delegates was way down on previous years.

[…] Read the rest

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Totty Watch : Tatler Tory Totty Special

You would, wouldn’t you?* Guido couldn’t help noticing when watching the Democrat and Republican conventions that the Republicans were better groomed and better looking. Forza Italia look like they have just come off the catwalk. Are right-of-centre types universally better looking than their left-of-centre counterparts?[…] Read the rest

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Beauty and the Basher

People asking what did David Davis achieve with his “Freedom By-Election” might be surprised to discover that he appears to have won over a convert. The news is that Miss Great Britain, Gemma Garrett, is switching political allegiances to the Tories.[…] Read the rest

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