A handful of MPs are now getting involved in new vaccine trials, proudly sharing photos on social media as they help the development of the next bout of vaccines beyond Pfizer, Moderna, and AstraZeneca. Only one MP so far has felt the need to go completely topless for the jab…
Rarely do they see such a wimp in these parts when it comes to injections, but the lovely staff at Derriford Hospital made it all as seamless as ever this morning, in the latest round of the COVID-19 vaccine trial we’re doing here in Plymouth.. 🤦🏽 pic.twitter.com/nDrhhXjCUM
— Johnny Mercer (@JohnnyMercerUK) February 5, 2021
Thankfully, Johnny did muster up some modesty:
Yes. That one was cropped for my modesty. You should have seen the wide shot. #preparedforanything
— Johnny Mercer (@JohnnyMercerUK) February 5, 2021
The Tory party got some primetime – albeit disastrous – publicity on Channel 4 last night as Jess Anderson, a parliamentary staffer for a Tory MP, set out to find love. Social media was decidedly loveless given some of her prime Tatler Tory quotes:
- “People say don’t talk about politics, religion, sex on a first date, and I’m like “there’s no other element to my personality”
- “I hate animals”
- On Fulham being posh: “I really don’t think it is”
- “It was a cheap private school”
- “I don’t drink tap water”
Not to be outdone, her date – The Telegraph’s Josh Kaplan – tried claiming he’d gone to university in the North (Nottingham to be exact). As if the hour-long broadcast wasn’t embarrassing enough for CCHQ’s image makers, posh Jess Anderson works for ultra-working class, former miner turned MP, Lee Anderson. Jess may not help keep the blue wall, though she certainly had Guido’s attention…
With Extinction Rebellion attracting substantially smaller crowds than last year’s protests, they’re having to double down to make headlines. A group of topless women have currently chained themselves to the gates of Parliament this morning along with the sign “can’t bare the truth”. What a bunch of tits…
Click here for the full monty…
Miss Swimsuit UK 2019 has been stripped of her title after posting an “All Lives Matter” Facebook post, it has emerged. Jasmine Archer-Jones, 23, made the posts last month in which she questioned if George Floyd was innocent. All traces of Jasmine have been removed from the pageant’s website…
Archer-Jones also wrote “let’s not forget that George Floyd also has a criminal record”. Apparently Jasmine had “tried to sweep [the post] under the carpet” however the Miss Swimsuit organisation had already voiced support for the BLM movement and wasted no time in cutting ties. Hopefully Miss Swimsuit UK’s next crowning won’t go tits-up…
Dishy Rishi is about to live up to his nickname after the Treasury conditionally approved a £170,000 investment in a female-focused sex party company for swingers. Taking his “Eat Out to Help Out” slogan literally…
Killing Kittens, described by the Guardian as “a members-only sex club”, launched a crowdfunding campaign in May – to help it transition from an events-based company to a “sex tech platform” company that runs some events – raising £170,000 from investors, which the government is to match through the Future Fund scheme. Thanks to Rishi, the UK taxpayer will hold a 1.47% stake in the company if it fails to repay the government loan…
Rishi’s Wednesday mini-budget was criticised by some left-wing MPs for being too targeted at male-dominated industries, so the likes of Sarah Olney will be delighted to hear the Treasury’s latest taxpayer splurge are to a company designed to be “female friendly”, with Killing Kittens:
“fully focused on the pursuit of female pleasure. Girls remain at the forefront…in control, knowing what they want whilst also empowering adventurous couples the world over.”
Presumably Labour will oppose the Treasury handout, if only because the company’s name will bring back sore memories for their Shadow Business Secretary. Guido does question the viability of the sex-orgy business in a time of social distancing, still, it is only taxpayers’ money…
A new study analysing UK Google search data claims to reveal the sexiest politicians in the UK. The analysis puts Home Sec Priti Patel ahead of any other MP with 3,800 monthly searches for terms: ‘Priti Patel sexy’ and ‘Priti Patel hot’. Guido brings you the rankings:
- Priti Patel
- Esther McVey
- Angela Rayner
- Theresa May
- Andrea Leadsom
- Liz Kendall
- Penny Mordaunt
You may be wondering where are the male politicians? Aside from just three politicians, the study found that there are zero monthly sexy search enquiries for male politicians in the UK. The top three are…
- Dominic Raab
- Jeremy Corbyn
- Nigel Farage
Raab and Corbyn both achieve 110 sexy search queries per month, while Nigel Farage manages 30. For reference, ‘Kim Jong un sexy’ has a volume of 40 searches per month…
The analysts behind the study tell Guido they surprised to see no search volumes for Keir Starmer, Dishy Rishi, or former military men Dan Jarvis and Johnny Mercer. They, and newer MPs may have more luck with the return of a certain comparison website that Guido is told will be relaunching soon. MPs can email in their own photos if they don’t like their official Parliamentary portraits…
