Meet Love Island’s Damian Hinds Adviser

Meet Zara McDermott, 21, the latest Love Island contestant who is billed as a “government adviser”. For the last eight months civil service rising star Zara has worked for Damian Hinds as a policy adviser at the Department for Education. Before that she did two years at the old Department for Energy and Climate Change dealing with PQs and briefing ministers. She’ll be able to tell the rest of them what Brexit is…

Bright Blue’s Laura Round to DFID

Guido hears Penny Mordaunt has nabbed Bright Blue comms chief Laura Round as her new SpAd at DFID. Round has helped put the wet Tory think tank Bright Blue on the map over the last couple of years, it seemed inevitable she would jump over to government at some point and this will be a good fit. She will be doing both policy and comms and replaces the departing Richard Parr. A relatively rare SpAd hire from Tory wonk world…

Meanwhile, the new Home Secretary Sajid Javid has taken his SpAds Salma Shah, James Hedgeland and Samuel Coates with him to the Home Office. Peter Cardwell, who only joined the Home Office recently, heads to Housing with James Brokenshire.

Let Guido know any updates

Who Is On Question Time Tonight

A proud moment for the brocialists on Question Time tonight: Diane Abbott (former girlfriend of Jeremy Corbyn) appears alongside Jennifer Robinson (relationship status with Seumas Milne unknown). Jennifer’s last high profile public appearance was rather different:

Guess they’ll be watching Newsnight in the Milne household…

Maitlis & Stripper

Trying to imagine the SJW reaction if Huw Edwards tweeted a picture of himself with a Hooters Girl…

May’s Chief of Staff in Late Night “Twinkystar69” Porn Shocker

The late night activities of Gavin Barwell, Theresa May’s chief of staff in Number 10, are usually limited to tweeting from Nando’s. On Monday night however, it appears he was choking the chicken rather than eating it.

Barwell’s Twitter account replied to a pornographic tweet featuring two ‘teen schoolgirls’ and their ‘mom’, as well as a second video from the niche website Blacked.com. Guido has analysed the tweets and determined it is impossible that Barwell was hacked or clicked on a funny link. The only way he could have tweeted a reply featuring these handles – which were tagged into the original porn tweet – is if he was viewing the tweet in question. The porn account’s name is “Twinkystar“, and Gavin was viewing it on his Android device at 9:21pm. At least he wasn’t doing it in the office, right Gavin? 

UPDATE: Barwell has now deleted the tweet, proving he does have access to his account.

UPDATE II: Told Barwell was not in Downing Street when he sent porn reply (phew!). No. 10 source: “Gavin Barwell replied to this tweet, which was in his timeline, in error. He has deleted the reply and regrets the embarrassment this has caused.”

Brexit Babe’s New Smash Hit

The latest number from Guido’s favourite Brexiteer songstress Mandy Boylett, who brought you the unforgettable Brex-pop classics “Britain’s Coming Home” and “Get the Party Started”. Her new release is titled No Divorce Bill. Bit late for that unfortunately but top marks for effort…

Tory Toffs Meet in Commons

Not sure Tory Toffs was the image they were going for in the reshuffle…

U-Strip: Meet UKIP Leader’s New Girlfriend

New UKIP leader Henry Bolton has left his wife for a topless model almost half his age. The Sun reveals the married Bolton wanderer, 54, is in a relationship with self-described Brexiteer Jo Marney, 29. They are understood to have spent Boxing Day together. Bolton tried to spoil the story with a pre-emptive statement but merely alerted the Mail, guaranteeing it made the front page of two papers. His spokesman said his wife is aware and is now living abroad…

By far the most interesting thing Bolton has done since becoming leader. It’s always the quiet ones…

Melania Sports SamCam’s Cefinn

The queen of beltway babes Melania Trump (47) is spotted sporting a stylish piece from Cefinn, Samantha Cameron’s fashion range. The First Lady looked gorgeous in green as she showed off the £295 green belted muslin shirt dress, which she wore to meet the Pittsburgh Penguins NHL ice-hockey team yesterday. SamCam founded Cefinn in February, pitching it her debut styles as: “sleek, fashion-conscious affordable office wear”. Good for Anglo-US exports…

Momentum Soft Smut Snapper Rejected as Labour Candidate

A top Momentum activist Guido revealed as a soft smut glamour snapper has been turned down for selection as a Labour candidate because of his saucy extracurricular activities. Mike Fieldhouse, who boasted of working with“top price models” with “perfect body statistics”, applied to stand as a local election candidate in Southend. He was rejected after a video emerged of him posing-up sultry seductresses in stockings and suspenders. A letter to Fieldhouse from the assessment panel read:

“The decision not to approve your candidature this time was taken in respect of the potential for your profession as a glamour photographer and the work your produce in that role to cause embarrassment to the party and/or be used as a a political weapon by our opponents given the public coverage it has received thus far. It was further felt that your disclosure of this was insufficiently detailed and that you considered this a trivial matter.”

The smut-merchant got the hump and took to social media to bewail the decision:

Prudes…

Holy Crabb! Look At The Size of That!

What’s ‘appening with Stephen Crabb these days? A female researcher points out he is sporting a bulge the size of the Preseli hills in his official Commons portrait. Probably just his phone…

Telegraph Publishes 17 Stories About Love Island in 24 Hours

Remember when MediaGuido uncovered the Telegraph’strash traffic” strategy to game Search Engine Optimisation and secure millions of extra Google juice clicks? Well, in the last 24 hours the Telegraph website has published a grand total of 17 articles about Love Island, the popular ITV2 reality show featuring scantily-clad ladies and on-screen romps. This is the sort of “premium content” lucky Telegraph subscribers get to read today:

  • 16 things Love Island taught us about sex
  • Love Island’s Caroline Flack: ‘It’s not about sex’
  • How Love Island convinced me to stud my poodle
  • The top 10 cringiest moments from this season’s Love Island
  • Viagra sponsorship: how will Love Island contestants will make their millions?

A reminder that at the Telegraph it’s the SEO Chartbeat monkeys, not editors, who call the shots…

Ellie Goulding Burns HS2

The government is feeling superstar songstress Ellie Goulding’s remarkable Burn today as she brands the HS2 rail project “ridiculous“. It’s the First Time that Ellie has spoken out on infrastructure spending; she suggested Starry Eyed ministers should spend the money “elsewhere“, if not it will be Your Biggest Mistake. Ellie’s intervention is a Goodness Gracious moment for HS2 supporters: it puts the issue of public spending up in Lights for her Army of 6.83 million Twitter followers. With Ellie’s fans mobilised against the project, Anything Could Happen. Sadly it’s not Dead In The Water yet. How Long Will I Love You? As long as you oppose HS2, and longer if I can…

Rich’s Monday Morning Cartoon

Momentum Glamour Snapper Seeks CLP Chairmanship

Britain’s top Corbynista ‘glamour photographer’ Mike Fieldhouse remains set on climbing the greasy pole of Labour politics. The soft smut snapper lost out in his bid to become South East regional chair of Momentum; he was busted when a video emerged showing him posing-up sultry models clad in stockings, corsets and thigh-high leather boots. He was also running a website called ‘MAFWorld: Life through the lens of a glamour photographer’, which has now been taken offline. Can’t have done his feminist credentials any good…

Now Fieldhouse is seeking to become chair of Rochford & Southend East CLP. Guido hears local Momentum members are turning a blind eye to his day job in order to cement a Corbynista foothold. Socialism isn’t sexy…

Meltdown After Nuclear Power Plant Holds Bikini Contest to Choose Interns

A Czech nuclear power plant operator has apologised for using a bikini contest to choose its next intern. Power generation conglomerate CEZ had 10 bikini-clad high school graduates pose in a cooling tower of its Temelin nuclear power plant with the most popular following a Facebook vote winning a 14 day internship at the plant. A local TV station covered the finals:

In a press release CEZ likened the photoshoot to its previous cultural enrichment programs, such as hosting the Bohemian Philharmonic at the plant in South Bohemia. They said the experience was greatly enjoyed by the girls, who were required for safety reasons to wear hard hats and enclosed shoes at all times in the Czech Republic’s largest power station.

Gaia thinks this is yet another terrible case of everyday sexism…

Hard BreXXXit – The Movie!

“Hard BreXXXit” on Richard Desmond’s Television X is from the same stable as the Daily Star, so you know the production values are going to be top-notch. As we are family- friendly these are the only images we are reproducing.

Guido is looking forward to following the adventures of Knickerless Virgin, Jizza Cwoarbyn, Teaser Maynot and Gladimhere Putitin. Certainly can’t be less plausible than Season 5 of “House of Cards”…

Tory SpAd Voted For Corbyn

It seems the Corbynista contagion permeated the minds of young Tory voters too. Remarkably, and to the bafflement of her former colleagues, it emerges that Stephen Crabb’s ex SpAd Emily Poole voted for Jeremy Corbyn. In a post on her blog, Emily, who worked in both Cameron governments, mourned the demise of Dave’s “cuddly Conservatism” and backed Jez:

“In response to the inevitable question, “but how can you vote Labour though? Jeremy Corbyn is useless/a communist/a terrorist sympathiser”: I’m not saying I think Jeremy Corbyn would make a good Prime Minister. But guess what? The situation we’re currently in isn’t very good either. The NHS is in crisis, our national security is already at risk, first-time buyers haven’t got a hope in hell of saving enough money to own a property and good school places are harder to come by than a Jane Austen £5 note. Do I care whether Jeremy Corbyn would or wouldn’t press the red button? Well why don’t we all just work on the assumption that we’re pretty screwed if we get to that point anyway?”

Red Tory…

Anti-CCHQ “Coup” in Upminster

A shock in Hornchurch and Upminster last night as Mark Field’s bag-carrier Julia Dockerill – of Downing Street memo fame – won the selection by an outright majority on the first ballot. The candidacy had been expected to go to either David Cameron’s former SpAd Shaun Bailey or Chris Grayling’s SpAd Simon Jones. However, multiple sources tell Guido that local association members were furious at being handed a Spadocracy shortlist by CCHQ, with no option of a local Brexiteer. So they decided to vote for Dockerill to prevent CCHQ’s favourites Bailey and Jones from winning the nomination. Bailey meanwhile was victim of a brutal briefing operation from senior association members. As one member put it to Guido: “The coup to stick two fingers up to CCHQ won”. A timely reminder of how local Tory associations cause grief when CCHQ tries to centralise control…

FLOTUS Official Portrait

The White House have released the new official portrait of the First Lady. Second airbrushing story of the day…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

President Trump on May’s Brexit deal:

“I would say that Brexit is Brexit. … The people voted to break it up. So I would imagine that’s what they’ll do. But maybe they’ll take a different route, I’m not sure that’s what they voted for.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Marr’s May Monopoly Marr’s May Monopoly
CCHQ Begs Association Chairmen CCHQ Begs Association Chairmen
Poll: Voters 2 to 1 for No Deal Poll: Voters 2 to 1 for No Deal
Paul Mason Reported to Police Paul Mason Reported to Police
Etonian Free Cabinet Etonian Free Cabinet
Tory MP Puts Letter In to Brady Tory MP Puts Letter In to Brady
Lord Carrington Lord Carrington
Poll: May’s Deal or No Deal? Poll: May’s Deal or No Deal?
Labour’s Chequers Survival Kit Labour’s Chequers Survival Kit
Whips’ Patsies in Full Whips’ Patsies in Full
Tories Will Lose Votes if They Cross Brexit Red Lines Tories Will Lose Votes if They Cross Brexit Red Lines
Remain Used Same Spending Tactics as Leave But Far Worse Remain Used Same Spending Tactics as Leave But Far Worse
Paul Mason’s Coming Home to England Paul Mason’s Coming Home to England
Penny’s Sign Language at Despatch Box Penny’s Sign Language at Despatch Box
Lefties Disappointed as England Win Lefties Disappointed as England Win
SNP Plot to Ruin England Match SNP Plot to Ruin England Match
MEPs Vote to Reject Transparency MEPs Vote to Reject Transparency
Labour Reinstate Jared Labour Reinstate Jared
Hancock Jumps on a Wall Hancock Jumps on a Wall