Boon Scooting Off


Emma Boon, who has been SpAd-ing for Chris Grayling, is leaving the Department of Transport to go work for the electric scooter company Bird (fastest ever startup to become a ‘unicorn with a $2 billion valuation’ apparently). After over 3 years as a SpAd, the veteran of DEFRA and former campaign director for the Taxpayers’ Alliance is scooting off to Amsterdam. Her husband moved there in April for work so she’s been racking up the air miles. Spirited, last time Emma featured on here she rang up to complain that it wasn’t taggedTotty Watch“.

Guido also brings you a few updates of some other SpAd moves that we missed at the time. Sophie Dean is Esther McVey’s media SpAd, while Philip Hammond also has Steffan Ball and Tim Pitt working for him – Pitt was previously shared between Hammond and Liz Truss. Charlie Ogilvie, a man with a reputation for inter-departmental debriefing, is working for Claire Perry. Get in touch with any updates…

MSP’s Saucy Shout-Out to His Aide, Chelsea Rocks in Her Bikini

Alexander Burnett has proposed an unusual motion of congratulations in the Scottish Parliament. The 45-year-old Tory MSP submitted a motion congratulating Chelsea Rocks for her success in the “Ladies Junior Bikini Tall” category at the recent Physical Culture Association British Finals. The under-23s bodybuilding champ is also a staffer in his parliamentary office. Congratulations…

Burnett proposed:

“That the Parliament congratulates MSP staffer, Chelsea Rocks, who placed 4th in the Ladies Junior Bikini Tall category at the Physical Culture Association (PCA) British Finals; commends Chelsea on now being invited to compete in the upcoming PCA World Finals of Birmingham, and wishes her all the best at these finals.”

Scotland is we are told suffering an obesity crisis. Chelsea is setting a great example which we should celebrate…

Friday Caption Contest (Leather Kendall Edition)

Meet Love Island’s Damian Hinds Adviser

Meet Zara McDermott, 21, the latest Love Island contestant who is billed as a “government adviser”. For the last eight months civil service rising star Zara has worked for Damian Hinds as a policy adviser at the Department for Education. Before that she did two years at the old Department for Energy and Climate Change dealing with PQs and briefing ministers. She’ll be able to tell the rest of them what Brexit is…

Bright Blue’s Laura Round to DFID

Guido hears Penny Mordaunt has nabbed Bright Blue comms chief Laura Round as her new SpAd at DFID. Round has helped put the wet Tory think tank Bright Blue on the map over the last couple of years, it seemed inevitable she would jump over to government at some point and this will be a good fit. She will be doing both policy and comms and replaces the departing Richard Parr. A relatively rare SpAd hire from Tory wonk world…

Meanwhile, the new Home Secretary Sajid Javid has taken his SpAds Salma Shah, James Hedgeland and Samuel Coates with him to the Home Office. Peter Cardwell, who only joined the Home Office recently, heads to Housing with James Brokenshire.

Let Guido know any updates

Who Is On Question Time Tonight

A proud moment for the brocialists on Question Time tonight: Diane Abbott (former girlfriend of Jeremy Corbyn) appears alongside Jennifer Robinson (relationship status with Seumas Milne unknown). Jennifer’s last high profile public appearance was rather different:

Guess they’ll be watching Newsnight in the Milne household…

Maitlis & Stripper

Trying to imagine the SJW reaction if Huw Edwards tweeted a picture of himself with a Hooters Girl…

May’s Chief of Staff in Late Night “Twinkystar69” Porn Shocker

The late night activities of Gavin Barwell, Theresa May’s chief of staff in Number 10, are usually limited to tweeting from Nando’s. On Monday night however, it appears he was choking the chicken rather than eating it.

Barwell’s Twitter account replied to a pornographic tweet featuring two ‘teen schoolgirls’ and their ‘mom’, as well as a second video from the niche website Blacked.com. Guido has analysed the tweets and determined it is impossible that Barwell was hacked or clicked on a funny link. The only way he could have tweeted a reply featuring these handles – which were tagged into the original porn tweet – is if he was viewing the tweet in question. The porn account’s name is “Twinkystar“, and Gavin was viewing it on his Android device at 9:21pm. At least he wasn’t doing it in the office, right Gavin? 

UPDATE: Barwell has now deleted the tweet, proving he does have access to his account.

UPDATE II: Told Barwell was not in Downing Street when he sent porn reply (phew!). No. 10 source: “Gavin Barwell replied to this tweet, which was in his timeline, in error. He has deleted the reply and regrets the embarrassment this has caused.”

Brexit Babe’s New Smash Hit

The latest number from Guido’s favourite Brexiteer songstress Mandy Boylett, who brought you the unforgettable Brex-pop classics “Britain’s Coming Home” and “Get the Party Started”. Her new release is titled No Divorce Bill. Bit late for that unfortunately but top marks for effort…

Tory Toffs Meet in Commons

Not sure Tory Toffs was the image they were going for in the reshuffle…

U-Strip: Meet UKIP Leader’s New Girlfriend

New UKIP leader Henry Bolton has left his wife for a topless model almost half his age. The Sun reveals the married Bolton wanderer, 54, is in a relationship with self-described Brexiteer Jo Marney, 29. They are understood to have spent Boxing Day together. Bolton tried to spoil the story with a pre-emptive statement but merely alerted the Mail, guaranteeing it made the front page of two papers. His spokesman said his wife is aware and is now living abroad…

By far the most interesting thing Bolton has done since becoming leader. It’s always the quiet ones…

Melania Sports SamCam’s Cefinn

The queen of beltway babes Melania Trump (47) is spotted sporting a stylish piece from Cefinn, Samantha Cameron’s fashion range. The First Lady looked gorgeous in green as she showed off the £295 green belted muslin shirt dress, which she wore to meet the Pittsburgh Penguins NHL ice-hockey team yesterday. SamCam founded Cefinn in February, pitching it her debut styles as: “sleek, fashion-conscious affordable office wear”. Good for Anglo-US exports…

Momentum Soft Smut Snapper Rejected as Labour Candidate

A top Momentum activist Guido revealed as a soft smut glamour snapper has been turned down for selection as a Labour candidate because of his saucy extracurricular activities. Mike Fieldhouse, who boasted of working with“top price models” with “perfect body statistics”, applied to stand as a local election candidate in Southend. He was rejected after a video emerged of him posing-up sultry seductresses in stockings and suspenders. A letter to Fieldhouse from the assessment panel read:

“The decision not to approve your candidature this time was taken in respect of the potential for your profession as a glamour photographer and the work your produce in that role to cause embarrassment to the party and/or be used as a a political weapon by our opponents given the public coverage it has received thus far. It was further felt that your disclosure of this was insufficiently detailed and that you considered this a trivial matter.”

The smut-merchant got the hump and took to social media to bewail the decision:

Prudes…

Holy Crabb! Look At The Size of That!

What’s ‘appening with Stephen Crabb these days? A female researcher points out he is sporting a bulge the size of the Preseli hills in his official Commons portrait. Probably just his phone…

Telegraph Publishes 17 Stories About Love Island in 24 Hours

Remember when MediaGuido uncovered the Telegraph’strash traffic” strategy to game Search Engine Optimisation and secure millions of extra Google juice clicks? Well, in the last 24 hours the Telegraph website has published a grand total of 17 articles about Love Island, the popular ITV2 reality show featuring scantily-clad ladies and on-screen romps. This is the sort of “premium content” lucky Telegraph subscribers get to read today:

  • 16 things Love Island taught us about sex
  • Love Island’s Caroline Flack: ‘It’s not about sex’
  • How Love Island convinced me to stud my poodle
  • The top 10 cringiest moments from this season’s Love Island
  • Viagra sponsorship: how will Love Island contestants will make their millions?

A reminder that at the Telegraph it’s the SEO Chartbeat monkeys, not editors, who call the shots…

Ellie Goulding Burns HS2

The government is feeling superstar songstress Ellie Goulding’s remarkable Burn today as she brands the HS2 rail project “ridiculous“. It’s the First Time that Ellie has spoken out on infrastructure spending; she suggested Starry Eyed ministers should spend the money “elsewhere“, if not it will be Your Biggest Mistake. Ellie’s intervention is a Goodness Gracious moment for HS2 supporters: it puts the issue of public spending up in Lights for her Army of 6.83 million Twitter followers. With Ellie’s fans mobilised against the project, Anything Could Happen. Sadly it’s not Dead In The Water yet. How Long Will I Love You? As long as you oppose HS2, and longer if I can…

Rich’s Monday Morning Cartoon

Momentum Glamour Snapper Seeks CLP Chairmanship

Britain’s top Corbynista ‘glamour photographer’ Mike Fieldhouse remains set on climbing the greasy pole of Labour politics. The soft smut snapper lost out in his bid to become South East regional chair of Momentum; he was busted when a video emerged showing him posing-up sultry models clad in stockings, corsets and thigh-high leather boots. He was also running a website called ‘MAFWorld: Life through the lens of a glamour photographer’, which has now been taken offline. Can’t have done his feminist credentials any good…

Now Fieldhouse is seeking to become chair of Rochford & Southend East CLP. Guido hears local Momentum members are turning a blind eye to his day job in order to cement a Corbynista foothold. Socialism isn’t sexy…

Meltdown After Nuclear Power Plant Holds Bikini Contest to Choose Interns

A Czech nuclear power plant operator has apologised for using a bikini contest to choose its next intern. Power generation conglomerate CEZ had 10 bikini-clad high school graduates pose in a cooling tower of its Temelin nuclear power plant with the most popular following a Facebook vote winning a 14 day internship at the plant. A local TV station covered the finals:

In a press release CEZ likened the photoshoot to its previous cultural enrichment programs, such as hosting the Bohemian Philharmonic at the plant in South Bohemia. They said the experience was greatly enjoyed by the girls, who were required for safety reasons to wear hard hats and enclosed shoes at all times in the Czech Republic’s largest power station.

Gaia thinks this is yet another terrible case of everyday sexism…

Hard BreXXXit – The Movie!

“Hard BreXXXit” on Richard Desmond’s Television X is from the same stable as the Daily Star, so you know the production values are going to be top-notch. As we are family- friendly these are the only images we are reproducing.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

One Tory MP remarked yesterday…

“How many are in four Bakers’ dozens? About 35…”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.