“Great quivering jellies of indecision” and “the Labour leader of the moment” all in the space of two minutes…

Lisa Nandy seemed to like the joke somewhat less…

Co-conspirators will be familiar with Guido’s longstanding test of whether the government is really committed to diverging from the over-regulation of the EU: do they abolish the endless online pop-up banners reminding users that websites will use cookies to store information about them. The banners are both obvious and tedious – we all immediately click yes, yet they pop up constantly as we surf the web. A typical, pointless EU directive.

Despite plenty of lip service from the likes of Oliver Dowden, the pop-ups persist. Today, however, the cookie may finally crumble. Guido understands the Queen’s speech will contain an explicit promise to end the annoying, time-wasting requirement for cookie box-ticking via the new Data Reform Bill. The process will be streamlined, and everyone will save a few precious seconds of their day – at long last. Brexit was worth it.

The Queen has just wrapped up her 67^th state opening speech to Parliament; announcing an enormous 31 bills the PM plans on passing over the next year, as he hopes to move his premiership on from Covid to enact some of his 2019 manifesto. The long to-do list came during a very low-key Covid-friendly ceremony, with a significantly reduced number of MPs and Lords, press, and visitors – with the Queen even arriving in a car instead of a royal coach. The bills in full are:

1. Health and Care Bill: Improve technological innovation in the NHS; allow patients to receive more tailored and preventative care, closer to home.
2. Advanced Research and Invention Agency Bill: Legislation to establish Cummings’s ARIA research agency
3. High Speed Rail (Crewe – Manchester) Bill: Transform connectivity by rail and bus
4. Product Security and Telecommunications Infrastructure Bill: Extend 5G mobile coverage and gigabit broadband
5. Skills and Post-16 Education Bill: Lifetime skills guarantee to provide access to training throughout people’s lives
6. Subsidy Control Bill: Measures to support businesses, reflecting the UK’s strategic interests and drives economic growth
7. Procurement Bill: Simplify procurement in the public sector
8. National Insurance Contributions Bill: Creating eight new Freeports
9. Planning Bill, Leasehold Reform (Ground Rent) Bill: Enhanced rights for renters, modernisation of the planning system, end the practice of ground rents for new leasehold properties
10. Building Safety Bill: Preventing repeat Grenfell tragedies
11. Dormant Assets Bill, Charities Bill: Reducing bureaucracy in the voluntary sector, releasing additional funds for “good causes”
12. Environment Bill: Set binding environmental targets
13. Animal Welfare (Sentience) Bill, Kept Animals Bill, Animals Abroad Bill: Promote the highest standards of animal welfare
14. Electoral Integrity Bill: Ensure the integrity of elections
15. Higher Education (Freedom of Speech) Bill: Protect freedom of speech at universities
16. Judicial Review Bill: Restore the balance of power between the executive, legislature and the courts
17. Dissolution and Calling of Parliament Bill: Abolish the Fixed Term Parliaments Act
18. Northern Ireland (Ministers, Elections and Petitions of Concerns) Bill: Strengthen devolved Government in Northern Ireland
19. Legacy Legislation: Address the legacy of the past in Northern Ireland
20. Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill: Increase sentences for the most serious and violent offenders and ensure the timely administration of justice
21. Draft Victims Bill: Address violence, including against women and girls, and to support victims
22. New Plan for Immigration Legislation: Establish a fairer immigration system
23. Draft Online Safety Bill: Ensuring internet safety for all, especially for children
24. Armed Forces Bill: Honour and strengthen the Armed Forces Covenant
25. National Insurance Contributions Bill: Provide National Insurance contribution relief for employers of veterans
26. Counter-State Threats Bill, Telecommunications (Security) Bill: Counter hostile activity by foreign states

In addition to these bills, there were a few other vague commitments laid out by the government, including:

• Proposals on social care reform will be brought forward
• Address lost learning during the pandemic
• Address racial and ethnic disparities and ban conversion therapy

No time to waste…

Ahead of the Queen’s speech later today, Matt Hancock made the media round this morning to offer hints at what the speech might contain – or at least, what it won’t. Pressed by Nick Ferrari on LBC over the government’s long-promised plans to reform social care, Hancock hesitated, saying: 

“The truth is we are going to have a long-term plan to reform social care, it’s incredibly important, and as you say [it’s] long overdue. We committed to it in our manifesto in 2019, we then of course had […] the pandemic to deal with […] we haven’t been able to focus on it as much as we might’ve liked.”

Hancock did later say Boris expects to lay out more detailed plans later in the year, although when exactly those delayed plans will be revealed is anyone’s guess. They’ve supposedly been ‘oven-ready’ since 2019…  

The government has announced a prorogation and Queen’s Speech for the 11^th May, with Her Maj set to approve that various government bills will be carried over from this parliamentary year, including the Police and Crime Bill, the Environment Bill and the Armed forces bill. The Queen will also confirm the much-awaited repeal of the Fixed-term Parliaments Act…

Given the pandemic will be ongoing, the government has laid out plans for a unique, socially distanced state opening, involving “significantly fewer MPs and peers in attendance, a reduced Royal Procession into the Lords Chamber and no diplomatic or non-parliamentary guests”. Government sources are also intriguingly trailing that many of the eye-catching manifesto promises of 2019 will finally make an appearance in the speech…