“I Love Your Show”

Cameron retells a story about the international recognition PMQs gets. Great accent, Prime Minister…

Cameron’s Last Laugh Over May, Labour, and Watson

An email from “Judith” over Tom Watson’s threats to the Labour leadership poses a particular highlight in Cameron’s last PMQs against Corbyn. The buoyant PM looks raring to go…

Cameron’s Empty Schedule

“Other than one meeting this afternoon, the diary for the rest of my day is remarkably light.” Classy…

PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Danny Kinahan (South Antrim)

Q2 Jeff Smith (Manchester, Withington)

Q3 Graham Stringer (Blackley and Broughton)

Q4 Jack Lopresti (Filton and Bradley Stoke)

Q5 Mr Adrian Bailey (West Bromwich West)

Q6 Mr Peter Lilley (Hitchin and Harpenden)

Q7 Jo Churchill (Bury St Edmunds)

Q8 Carol Monaghan (Glasgow North West)

Q9 John Mc Nally (Falkirk)

Q10 Jo Stevens (Cardiff Central)

Q11 Margaret Ferrier (Rutherglen and Hamilton West)

Q12 Steve Brine (Winchester)

Q13 Wendy Morton (Aldridge-Brownhills)

Q14 Ian Blackford (Ross, Skye and Lochaber)

Q15 Mr Robin Walker (Worcester) (905847)

My Name is Jezzimus Momentus Corbinius, And I Will Have My Vengeance

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Those who still vaunt Jeremy Corbyn’s pacifism might take a moment to consider that the only thing keeping the Labour leader hanging on these past few days has been his steadfast desire to run Tony Blair through with a rusty bayonet (courtesy of Sir John Chilcot). It was a heady mix of spite and righteous indignation that sustained Jezza through this week’s endless barrage of condemnation and resignations. Though mortally wounded, he did not falter, limping valiantly on to the Iraq Inquiry debate in the Commons this afternoon.

Some PMQs hilarity before the Chilcot solemnity. The Prime Minister lauded Corbyn’s rotating frontbench as the “biggest job-creation scheme I have ever seen in my life”. The fact that the Tories were themselves split and would also have a new frontbench soon did not matter. This was demob-happy Dave, blissfully firing off a few shots without a care in the world before packing up for sunnier climes. In this same spirit he later admonished a particularly moany group of heckling Picts to stop “whinging endlessly”. A somewhat cruel admonishment considering how intrinsic such an activity is to being an SNP MP, but the message was clear: no longer did Cameron care to sugar (or batter in this case) the pill.

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PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Chloe Smith (Norwich North)

Q2 Mr Dennis Skinner (Bolsover)

Q3 John Glen (Salisbury)

Q4 Sir David Amess (Southend West)

Q5 Yasmin Qureshi (Bolton South East)

Q6 Seema Kennedy (South Ribble)

Q7 Kevin Foster (Torbay)

Q8 Mhairi Black (Paisley and Renfrewshire South)

Q9 Kevin Hollinrake (Thirsk and Malton)

Q10 Chris Law (Dundee West)

Q11 Martyn Day (Linlithgow and East Falkirk)

Q12 Rachel Reeves (Leeds West)

Q13 Alison Thewliss (Glasgow Central)

Q14 Margaret Ferrier (Rutherglen and Hamilton West)

Comments in the comments please…

Corbyn Gets His New Politics At Last

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Jeremy Corbyn managed – just – to find someone to sit next to him. He didn’t talk to Tom Watson (who’s gamely riding out the worst post-Glasto comedown conceivable), instead turning his head towards the less dangerous Kate Osamor. He then exchanged a few words with the surely harmless Clive Lewis, and some more with Dennis Skinner. Watson was blanked.

It’s times like this that one thinks of Tony Benn’s take on the Labour Party. The party, philosophised Benn, is like a bird, dependent on both its two wings to fly. The similarities don’t stop there. Both tend to migrate to second homes in sunnier climes over summer, living in comfortable nests far above the general population. And of course both have a tendency to crap on the British public from a great height. But I digress, Benn’s point stands, and right now those two wings couldn’t be further apart.

The Prime Minister’s frontbench was little better. The Chancellor, who has visibly aged by about twelve years since the Referendum result came in, opted to sit this one out having made two whole public appearances since Thursday. Squirrelled away in Number 11, George must have spent the time being consoled by the finest Peruvian imports (a last hurrah before it became an even more costly pastime with the pound crashing).

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Corbynistas Weaponise Cameron

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Pro-Corbyn supporters are jumping on Cameron’s call for Corbyn to goDave looked like he was being sincere but has he made it harder for Labour to get rid?

Ed Miliband has now called for Corbyn to go – no Shadow Cabinet job for him then. Momentum have curiously cancelled their “Keep Corbyn” event tonight “due to overwhelming demand”, which is odd. The manoeuvring John McDonnell meanwhile has a “major” speech lined up for Friday morning. Team Corbyn are under no illusions what that means…

PM to Corbyn: “For Heaven’s Sake Man, Go!”

Ouch…

PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Mr Alistair Carmichael (Orkney and Shetland)

Q2 Justin Madders (Ellesmere Port and Neston)

Q3 Stephen Metcalfe (South Basildon and East Thurrock)

Q4 Alex Salmond (Gordon)

Q5 Mr Douglas Carswell (Clacton)

Q6 Mike Gapes (Ilford South)

Q7 Nick Thomas-Symonds (Torfaen)

Q8 Jeremy Quin (Horsham)

Q9 Paul Blomfield (Sheffield Central)

Q10 Simon Danczuk (Rochdale)

Q11 Jake Berry (Rossendale and Darwen)

Q12 Jim Shannon (Strangford)

Q13 Neil Gray (Airdrie and Shotts)

Comments in the comments please…

SKETCH: Cameron’s Last PMQs?

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Outside, a 35-strong fleet of Brexit-backing fishing boats sailed past with Nigel Farage at the helm. The only parallel that springs to mind is the Raid on the Medway during the Second Anglo-Dutch War of 1667 (also in June). Then, Dutch vessels launched a daring campaign that would pave the first steps for the overthrow of King James II. A year later the Bill of Rights was enshrined ensuring the sovereignty of Parliament and an end to its subjugation by overbearing despots, intent on imposing laws on a servile populace. Well, if it worked for them…

Inside, Jeremy Corbyn started poorly and somehow managed to get even worse. The Labour leader wasted his six questions, opting for a scattergun approach that included the posting of workers directive (yes, again, and no, we still don’t care), phone-hacking (for those nostalgic for 2011), having a dig at Boris and Gove (obviously something that would appeal to the PM) and fishing quotas (the sort of subject that really gets your wavering voter going). Corbyn finally managed to get on to the EU referendum in his sixth and final question. “With just eight days to go before the referendum”, he began to uproarious cheers from the Tory benches, “the Labour position is that we are going to be voting to Remain because we believe it is the best way to protect families, protect jobs and protect public services”. Not exactly “I have a dream…” but at least he set out the “Labour position” (although some will have noticed he declined to elaborate on his own position).

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Corbyn Will Block Osborne’s Dead Cat Budget

“We would oppose any post-Brexit austerity budget, just as we have opposed any austerity budget proposed by this government.” It ain’t gonna happen…

Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Peter Aldous (Waveney)

Q2 Mr George Howarth (Knowsley)

Q3 Amanda Solloway (Derby North)

Q4 Mike Freer (Finchley and Golders Green)

Q5 Mr Alan Mak (Havant)

Q6 Roger Mullin (Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath)

Q7 Carolyn Harris (Swansea East)

Q8 Mr David Nuttall (Bury North)

Q9 Kelly Tolhurst (Rochester and Strood)

Q10 Robert Jenrick (Newark)

Q11 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle)

Q12 Ruth Smeeth (Stoke-on-Trent North)

Q13 Jack Lopresti (Filton and Bradley Stoke)

Q14 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Comments in the comments please…

PMQs Bout: Not the Greatest, Not a Thriller

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It’s all gone a bit Pete Tong for the PM. It turns out lining up every global leader, trade envoy and financier from Canary Wharf to Chongqing to warn the serfs to vote Remain on threat of nuclear apocalypse wasn’t actually the best idea. Who’d have thought it? People voting in a referendum on global elites don’t want to listen to those same global elites telling them which way to vote. How very bizarre!

Luckily for the Leave camp, master political strategist David Cameron is so comprehensively divorced from any semblance of normality that he doesn’t realise this, and will continue treating the British people like benighted little peasants who need to sit down and listen to what the clever dignitaries and technocrats tell them. In fact, unwittingly, the red-faced ex-Buller boy is one of the Leave campaign’s single biggest assets.

And so onto proceedings. As is apparently the fashion these days, the Leader of the Opposition kicked things off by offering his solemn condolences to the fallen celebrities of the past week. Today that honour was bestowed upon Muhammad Ali, eulogised by Corbyn as “the greatest in his chosen field” (that “chosen field” being battering another man’s skull in until he loses consciousness). Those initially shocked at the Labour leader’s seeming admiration for Ali’s proficiency in bloodsports will have been reassured when he went on to praise his “courageous campaigning on civil rights, anti-racism and peace”. Mr. Corbyn noticeably skipped over the fact that Ali was a firm believer that a woman’s place was at home and avowedly against interracial relationships (for which he deemed death to be a suitable punishment). On top of that he wasn’t too keen on the Jews, although I’m not sure that would bother Jeremy all that much. Continue reading

PM Laughs Off Leadership Challenge

The PM batted off a question from the SNP’s Stephen Gethins at PMQs: “The time to reflect on your mistakes is clearly when you’re close to the end of your time in office, so that doesn’t apply.” The third time Cameron’s leadership post-Brexit has been called into question over the last week. Chants of “four more years” from Tory loyalists rung out…

Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Mims Davies (Eastleigh)

Q2 Richard Drax (South Dorset)

Q3 Ann Clwyd (Cynon Valley)

Q4 Alan Brown (Kilmarnock and Loudoun)

Q5 Mark Spencer (Sherwood)

Q6 Helen Goodman (Bishop Auckland)

Q7 Steven Paterson (Stirling)

Q8 Matthew Pennycook (Greenwich and Woolwich)

Q9 Dr Rupa Huq (Ealing Central and Acton)

Q10 Karl McCartney (Lincoln)

Q11 Craig Mackinlay (South Thanet)

Q12 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North)

Q13 Stephen Kinnock (Aberavon)

Q14 Neil Carmichael (Stroud)

Q15 Stephen Gethins (North East Fife)

Comments in the comments please…

Ozbot versus Androgenoid

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David Cameron couldn’t make PMQs today having had a busy week buying a new motor for his missus. The vehicle in question was a clapped out 2004 Nissan Micra with 90,000 miles on the clock – in Tory blue of course – for which he shelled out the princely sum of £1,500 (two seconds on AutoTrader would have revealed similar mileage models regularly go for half that price).

Unfortunately for Dave his millionaire spouse was not impressed with her millionaire husband buying her a beat up old Nissan to potter around Chipping Norton in. In a rage she summarily banished him to the dog house, and so the PM fled to Japan to put as much distance between him and the old dear as possible under the pretence of attending vital G7 meetings. To be honest I can’t understand what she’s so upset about, sure the Nissan’s interior is nothing special, but it’s certainly not the most useless and overvalued old banger SamCam’s had to sit on.

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Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Maria Caulfield (Lewes)

Q2 Stephen Pound (Ealing North)

Q3 Tom Blenkinsop (Middlesbrough South and East Cleveland)

Q4 Cat Smith (Lancaster and Fleetwood)

Q5 Richard Drax (South Dorset)

Q6 Philip Davies (Shipley)

Q7 Patrick Grady (Glasgow North)

Q8 Julie Elliott (Sunderland Central)

Q9 Judith Cummins (Bradford South)

Q10 Ruth Cadbury (Brentford and Isleworth)

Q11 Nusrat Ghani (Wealden)

Q12 Andrew Griffiths (Burton)

Q13 Barbara Keeley (Worsley and Eccles South)

Q14 Dr Alan Whitehead (Southampton, Test)

Q15 Jason McCartney (Colne Valley)

Comments in the comments please…

A Nigerian, an Afghan and Englishman Walk into an Anti-Corruption Summit

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David Cameron had good cause to enter the Chamber even more rosy cheeked than usual today. Yesterday video was leaked of him chin-wagging with the Queen at a Buckingham Palace Reception. “We’ve got some leaders of some fantastically corrupt countries coming to Britain”, he said ironically, going on to highlight “Nigeria and Afghanistan, possibly the two most corrupt countries in the world”. At this point the Archbishop of Canterbury felt impelled to interject, soberly reminding the PM that “this particular President is actually not corrupt. He’s trying very hard”. That put an immediate stop to the joking, and all stood silent, no doubt thinking “Good God lighten up man, no need to get on your high horse about it”. That’s the problem with Archbishops you see, they can get a bit pious. Luckily Speaker Bercow was on hand to sarcastically inquire, “They are coming at their own expense, I would assume?” The PM chuckled, and banter was resumed.

This is the real David Cameron. Droll, sardonic, and not afraid to make a politically incorrect joke that winds up an Archbishop. It’s a completely different figure to the artificial one we see every week in PMQs: his stab at the “socially liberal nice guy” persona which resembles not so much a man as a string of focus groups welded together into a vaguely humanoid shape. Continue reading

Tim Farron Met With Wall of Groans

The name “Tim Farron” is met with a wall of groans from the Tory benches. Cameron swatted him away with minimal effort…[…] Read the rest

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Quote of the Day

Embattled Henry Bolton on his battles…

“I’m going nowhere. I have seen people die, I have seen people blown up, I have seen people shot. Even the Taliban doesn’t quite prepare you for UKIP, though.”

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