Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Mims Davies (Eastleigh)

Q2 Byron Davies (Gower)

Q3 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q4 Ben Howlett (Bath)

Q5 Tom Tugendhat (Tonbridge and Malling)

Q6 Drew Hendry (Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey)

Q7 Suella Fernandes (Fareham)

Q8 Mike Wood (Dudley South)

Q9 John Stevenson (Carlisle)

Q10 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Q11 Mr Ben Bradshaw (Exeter)

Q12 Marion Fellows (Motherwell and Wishaw)

Q13 Liz McInnes (Heywood and Middleton)

Q14 Judith Cummins (Bradford South)

Comments in the comments please…

Chancellor Rasputin Lurks in the Shadows

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And so today saw the Chancellor grace us with his first PMQs appearance for almost a month. Such reticence from the man is common these days. George Osborne is becoming increasingly Rasputin-eqsue. In the shadows he lurks, wielding power over the Tsar, dripping poison in his ear and making outlandish predictions for the future. “I’ll eradicate the debt and cut the deficit” he’ll whisper, “each family will be four thousand three hundred pounds worse off if we leave” he’ll hiss. And when his untruths and false promises are questioned, he retreats from view, leaving the ruler to lumber in on his behalf to placate the angry and ignored. Of course any man who knows his Russian history knows how this story ends. Old Rasputin was poisoned, shot, bludgeoned, and drowned by those angered by his influence, with the entire saga only further weakening the regime he was so bound up with and hastening its collapse. One wonders how long is till Osborne, like the Russian, washes up on the banks of the Thames, peppered with bullet holes but still faintly breathing, sighing “long… term… economic… plan”.

Onto proceedings. Nigel Adams got things underway by praising the “dignity and grace” of her Maj ahead of the big Nine O tomorrow, a day that promised to be “a proper knees up” at the very least. The PM reiterated the Selby MP’s sentiments, before laying a trap for his opposite number. “I know the whole country and the whole house”, Cameron innocently opined, “will want to join me in saying, Long may she reign o’er us”. Corbyn wouldn’t play ball. “Thank you Mr. Speaker”, he replied plainly, “I am also looking forward to wishing her a happy birthday tomorrow, notably missing out any celebration of the continuation of her reign. In other words, have a good one Liz, but don’t have too many more.

Continue reading

Cameron’s Brutal Attack on Khan

At PMQs Cameron listed the nine times Sadiq Khan has shared a platform with Suliman Gani, as reported on Guido. Corbyn shouted “disgraceful” and Labour MPs howled “racist“. As the PM says, the point is not that Khan once shared a stage with an extremist once by accident, he did it over and over again…

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Q2 Geraint Davies (Swansea West)

Q3 Mr Christopher Chope (Christchurch)

Q4 Sue Hayman (Workington)

Q5 Jonathan Edwards (Carmarthen East and Dinefwr)

Q6 Kevin Foster (Torbay)

Q7 Matt Warman (Boston and Skegness)

Q8 John Spellar (Warley)

Q9 Imran Hussain (Bradford East)

Q10 Christopher Pincher (Tamworth)

Q11 Stella Creasy (Walthamstow)

Q12 Helen Goodman (Bishop Auckland)

Q13 Meg Hillier (Hackney South and Shoreditch)

Q14 Charlotte Leslie (Bristol North West)

Comments in the comments please…

SKETCH: Unnamed Prime Minister in Slippery Threesome

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“All that rebranding, all that time and all that effort and what was the point. What was the bloody point. The single biggest endeavour of my career has been to rebrand the Party, and for what? For nothing. The Left still think I’m a heartless, tax-dodging Tory bastard. I hugged huskies in the Arctic. The Arctic for Christ’s sake. I don’t even like the cold, or huskies for that matter. They’re terrifying. I almost froze my todger off up there detoxifying this party. And that’s just the physical ordeals. What about the countless personal embarrassments I endured? Having to pick a football team and then suffer the indignity of forgetting it in front of everyone like a malfunctioning robot, or ride a pedal bike to work everyday for a year in £3.99 polyester tracksuit bottoms, or touring the most Chlamydia infested recesses of the North East encouraging people to embrace the scallywag Asbos that loiter there. I even flew easyJet. But what good did it do me? I’m being hammered from the Left and screwed from the Right. In fact I’ve got more slippery pricks trying to do me in than there are in Elton’s paddling pool. When I leave this prison of a job I’m going to go full Blair and get a yacht and I’m going to sit in it in my pants watching Top Gear. And not the BBC version either, the proper one, with Clarkson in it. Oh yeah and I’m going to murder Stelios for all the easyJet flights I’ve had to sit through before I hop on my learjet to St. Tropez to drink Bollinger out of the bottle and eat caviar by the kilogram. And wear white tie and tails, oh yes”.

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Dave Thinks He’ll Oversee Brexit Negotiations

This is optimistic…

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Wendy Morton (Aldridge-Brownhills)

Q2 Mr Douglas Carswell (Clacton)

Q3 Mr Alistair Carmichael (Orkney and Shetland)

Q4 Stephen Timms (East Ham)

Q5 Jenny Chapman (Darlington)

Q6 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q7 Caroline Lucas (Brighton, Pavilion)

Q8 Jesse Norman (Hereford and South Herefordshire)

Q9 Jo Stevens (Cardiff Central)

Q10 Neil Carmichael (Stroud)

Q11 Chris Green (Bolton West)

Q12 Dr Rupa Huq (Ealing Central and Acton)

Q13 Steven Paterson (Stirling)

Q14 Catherine West (Hornsey and Wood Green)

Q15 Nigel Huddleston (Mid Worcestershire)

Comments in the comments please…

SKETCH: Cameron’s Theatre, Corbyn’s Reality

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And so after a week punctuated by dissent and disquiet, it began. First the formalities commemorating Brussels, giving the Prime Minister a chance to do his serious face by furrowing his brow and talking slowly, taking great care to enunciate every word. In response the assembled expenses frauds, sex pests and careerists solemnly opined “hear, hear” in deep and mournful tones, with Newport MP Peter Bottomley going on to meditate profoundly on the grand themes of “hope” and “hate” in the first question of the day.

Commiserations proffered, now onwards to the heart of the matter. The Labour leader began by hitting Cameron on disability benefits, citing a letter from one Adrian of outer Timbuktu (or at least he might as well have been because Mr. Corbyn didn’t deign to expand on the whereabouts of his mysterious pen-pal). “Could the Prime Minister do what the Chancellor failed to do yesterday, and apologise to those that went through such anguish and upset during the threat of a cut in their personal independence payments?” he asked.

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Corbyn Yells “Disgraceful” at Cameron For Raising Anti-Semitism

This is a terrible look for Corbyn. As Cameron raised the importance of tackling anti-Semitism, the Labour leader furiously and repeatedly shouted “disgraceful” at the PM. Read Guido’s story that reignited Labour’s race row here

John Woodcock’s Deleted PMQs Summary

You can probably call that “hostile”…

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Sir Peter Bottomley (Worthing West)

Q2 Mike Freer (Finchley and Golders Green)

Q3 Mr Alistair Carmichael (Orkney and Shetland)

Q4 Stuart Blair Donaldson (West Aberdeenshire and Kincardine)

Q5 Dr Rupa Huq (Ealing Central and Acton)

Q6 David T. C. Davies (Monmouth)

Q7 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q8 Mr Peter Bone (Wellingborough)

Q9 Michael Tomlinson (Mid Dorset and North Poole)

Q10 Patrick Grady (Glasgow North)

Q11 Richard Arkless (Dumfries and Galloway)

Q12 Rushanara Ali (Bethnal Green and Bow)

Q13 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q14 Ms Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh (Ochil and South Perthshire)

Q15 Mr Douglas Carswell (Clacton)

Comments in the comments please…

See Who is Asking the Questions Today

pmqs chat

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Karen Lumley (Redditch)

Q2 Michael Fabricant (Lichfield)

Q3 Byron Davies (Gower)

Q4 Ian C. Lucas (Wrexham) 

Q5 Dr James Davies (Vale of Clwyd) 

Q6 Kevin Barron (Rother Valley) 

Q7 Richard Graham (Gloucester) 

Q8 Ronnie Cowan (Inverclyde) 

Q9 Callum McCaig (Aberdeen South)

Q10 Mr Ranil Jayawardena (North East Hampshire) 

Q11 Kevin Hollinrake (Thirsk and Malton) 

Q12 Andrea Jenkyns (Morley and Outwood) 

Q13 Stephen Metcalfe (South Basildon and East Thurrock) 

Q14 Steve Double (St Austell and Newquay)

Q15 Sir Simon Burns (Chelmsford) 

Comments in the comments…

Hundred, Not Out

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So Jeremy Corbyn reached his century. Today he asked his hundredth PMQ question. It feels like so many more, doesn’t it? The awkward shift from local radio phone-in host (“Claire from Nuneaton has a question…”) to floundering supply teacher (“It’s not funny!”) to what Nye Bevan would have called a “desiccated calculating machine” with a muddled spewing out of obscure data.

Corbyn never really has a good week at PMQs. He has some weeks that a worse than others. Perhaps due to the novelty wearing off this was one the worse ones.

Even before he got to his feet he had been challenged by David Cameron over the decision of the Labour Party to welcome in Gerry Downing – a Trot wacko who says: “We defend the Islamic State in Syria and Iraq”, “Why Marxists must address the Jewish Question”. Good scoops those…

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Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Karin Smyth (Bristol South)

Q2 Richard Burgon (Leeds East)

Q3 Julie Elliott (Sunderland Central)

Q4 Catherine McKinnell (Newcastle upon Tyne North)

Q5 Mr Khalid Mahmood (Birmingham, Perry Barr)

Q6 Dr Roberta Blackman-Woods (City of Durham)

Q7 James Berry (Kingston and Surbiton)

Q8 Mark Spencer (Sherwood)

Q9 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q10 Anne Marie Morris (Newton Abbot)

Q11 Martyn Day (Linlithgow and East Falkirk)

Q12 Mr Ranil Jayawardena (North East Hampshire)

Q13 Jack Dromey (Birmingham, Erdington)

Q14 Jim Dowd (Lewisham West and Penge)

Q15 James Cartlidge (South Suffolk)

Comments in the comments please…

Corbyn’s Naked Pole Dancing*

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Today we discovered the difference between a threat and a promise.

For years we’ve been promised that a calmer, more serious House during Prime Minister’s Questions would be good for the whole country. Less ya-boo and more speaking up for constituents with real problems.

Well, that’s pretty much what we got today, and I doubt if I’m the only person watching who thought it was bloody dull.

As for the threat – well, didn’t the EU referendum threaten the unity of the Tory Party? Wouldn’t PMQs descend into cat-calls and insults between David Cameron and his backbenchers, as well as between his MPs? There was oddly none of that today and there better be some fireworks soon or else ordinary hacks – not to mention ordinary voters – are going to tune out on pretty short order.

Corbyn didn’t help, naturally. The man could perform a semi-naked pole dance and he would still bore you to sleep. So banging on, for all six questions, about education (first nursery, then primary, then secondary) left his own side looking slightly relieved. After all, he might have gone on something he feels really passionately about, like Trident. But they also looked, well, not quite there. Most of his front bench were staring into space, probably imagining what they were going to have for lunch after this was over, or trying to remember if they’d watched the latest episode of The X-Files…

Dave did his usual – read out some statistics which proved, after all, that he’s just brilliant. His weekly “joke” has become as tired and lame as Jezza’s personalised emails. Today he had a go at Labour for hiring Marxist tzatziki connoisseur Yanis Varoufakis as an adviser, labeling the decision as (Jesus…) “Acropolis Now”. As promotion-seeking Tories slapped their thighs to try to contain their mirth, Jez just kept his head down and read all his questions out without even a thought about maybe challenging anything Dave said. Did you know the Leader of the Opposition draws the equivalent of a ministerial salary for doing this job? No, I don’t know why either.

When Speaker Bercow called Bernard Jenkin, there was much anticipation that at last we’d get the EU row we had all hoped for. But his name was called and nobody stood up. “Where is the fella?” shouted Bercow. Remember when you were at school, how excited everyone got if someone brought a dog into class? Well, that’s MPs when someone whose name’s on the Order Paper at PMQs doesn’t show up. Much laughter (affected and hysterical) ensued until Bernie’s stunt double, David Davis, was called in his stead to ask what was probably the same question – about immigration from the EU. Dave quickly (and accurately) referred to this as a “single transferable question”.

Boom-tish, as they say. Continue reading

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Patricia Gibson (North Ayrshire and Arran)

Q2 Seema Kennedy (South Ribble)

Q3 David Mowat (Warrington South)

Q4 Neil Coyle (Bermondsey and Old Southwark

Q5 Bill Esterson (Sefton Central)

Q6 Andy McDonald (Middlesbrough)

Q7 Alberto Costa (South Leicestershire)

Q8 Mr Bernard Jenkin (Harwich and North Essex)

Q9 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q10 Rachael Maskell (York Central)

Q11 Richard Benyon (Newbury)

Q12 Bill Wiggin (North Herefordshire)

Q13 Stuart Andrew (Pudsey)

Q14 Amanda Solloway (Derby North)

Q15 Dr Phillip Lee (Bracknell)

Comments in the comments please…

Mary Cameron Stars in Mother of Parliaments

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It was all motherhood and apple pie. The star was the Prime Minister’s mother, Mary Cameron. On a question about public spending in Oxfordshire, young Dave responded to a heckle: “You want me to ask my mother? I know what my mother would say. She would look across the despatch box and say: Put on a proper suit, do up your tie and sing the National Anthem”. Imagine the stir it would cause if Mary came out for Brexit. Boris would certainly have to smarten up to secure such an endorsement.

Later Cameron Jnr added: “My mother would be pleased to know that 1.9 million more people are going to A&E.” That sounded rather sinister, but I suppose it was meant in a positive way. As the discussion was about the NHS, it drifted into “If Nye Bevan was alive today he’d turn in his grave” mode. Jeremy Corbyn couldn’t think of a good retort on the spot but he later tweeted a quote from Einstein: “If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes & shoddy furniture let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas & shoddy philosophies”. Jolly good – if only he had though of it on time.

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Cameron’s “My Mother” Comeback to Corbyn

Corbyn unwisely brings up Cameron’s anti-cuts mum at PMQs, Cameron blows him away with a dynamite comeback:

“I know what my mother would say. She’d look across the despatch box and say, put on a proper suit, do up your tie and sing the national anthem.”

The Labour benches silent, Lammy with his head in his hands, as Watson and Eagle try to keep a straight face…

UPDATE: Corbyn eventually thinks of a comeback:

PMQs Live: Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Michelle Donelan (Chippenham)

Q2 Neil Gray (Airdrie and Shotts)

Q3 Chris Davies (Brecon and Radnorshire)

Q4 Ian Blackford (Ross, Skye and Lochaber)

Q5 Alberto Costa (South Leicestershire)

Q6 Maggie Throup (Erewash)

Q7 Craig Mackinlay (South Thanet)

Q8 Tulip Siddiq (Hampstead and Kilburn)

Q9 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle)

Q10 Richard Arkless (Dumfries and Galloway)

Q11 Michael Ellis (Northampton North)

Q12 Imran Hussain (Bradford East)

Q13 Callum McCaig (Aberdeen South)

Q14 Kelly Tolhurst (Rochester and Strood)

Q15 Nusrat Ghani (Wealden)

Comments in the comments please…

Corbyn’s PMQs Ammo From BBC

At the last PMQs Jeremy Corbyn asked a question from “Rosie“, a fan of the Labour leader who opposes the government on housing. Afterwards, Rosie wrote on her Facebook about why she prefers Jezza to Dave. There are some choice words for the PM.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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