Theresa May: Come up and See Me Sometime

She’s Theresa Mae West…

Classic Corbyn: Leads PMQs on Chagos Islands


Oops, Corbyn accidentally read two questions in one go.  Strong message here…

Who is Asking the Questions Today?

pmqs live chat may corbynOral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Wendy Morton (Aldridge-Brownhills)

Q2 Tommy Sheppard (Edinburgh East)

Q3 Mr Douglas Carswell (Clacton)

Q4 Neil Gray (Airdrie and Shotts) If she will postpone proposed reductions to employment and support allowance and universal credit; and what recent discussions she has had with the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions on those reductions.

Q5 Lucy Powell (Manchester Central)

Q6 Mr John Baron (Basildon and Billericay)

Q7 Stephen Gethins (North East Fife)

Q8 Martin Docherty-Hughes (West Dunbartonshire) When she next plans to meet the First Minister of Scotland.

Q9 Judith Cummins (Bradford South)

Q10 Lisa Nandy (Wigan)

Q11 Stewart Malcolm McDonald (Glasgow South)

Q12 Geoffrey Clifton-Brown (The Cotswolds)

Q13 George Kerevan (East Lothian)

Q14 Albert Owen (Ynys Môn)

Q15 James Duddridge (Rochford and Southend East)

Corbyn and Bercow’s Football Chat Caught on Mic

The Speaker probably sniffing around for another freebie.

H/T @estwebber

PMQs Special Guest Sketch

sketch

First thoughts. I’m sorry, but Jeremy Corbyn. Gotta say it: He’s shabby! The guy looks a mess. No style – no elegance that’s for sure. Definitely needs a new suit, and you know what? I could help him with that. We do a great line in tailoring for party leaders at Trump Suits. Check it out, Jeremy. Seriously. Because do you know what makes it worse? Just look at the place: very elegant. Nice leather seats, chandeliers, wooden ornaments and finery (who carves this stuff? It’s exquisite, real high quality) – Almost as high quality as Trump Tower! Paint some of the benches gold and this could be a really tremendous piece of waterfront real estate. Got serious potential there.

Apart from that  – and I know he gets a lot of stick – I don’t think Corbyn did badly. He certainly made Theresa look real bad on that whole baby thing. It was a smart move to congratulate Conor McGinn on delivering his own child. Can you believe that by the way folks? Delivered it himself! Amazing. Anyway, Theresa, she had no idea about Conor McGinn and his baby, so she responded by talking about Jeremy’s granddaughter! I know, crazy – does he even have a granddaughter? But seriously, how could she not know about Conor McGinn’s baby? Even I knew about it. And congratulations by the way Conor, you’re now in that great period just after they’re born and just before they start becoming super hot. What!? I’m joking! Calm down folks! Ivanka knows I’m joking.

Continue reading

May Shames McLoughlin For Bad Baby Briefing

Plenty of bewilderment among the general public at the beginning of PMQs – let Guido explain.

  1. At the weekend, Labour MP and Corbyn-loathing former whip Conor McGinn delivered his own baby Neasa Constance.
  2. Jeremy Corbyn congratulated Conor and Neasa Constance on their happy news.
  3. Theresa May mistakenly thought Corbyn was talking about the birth of his own granddaughter.
  4. She publicly shamed Patrick McLoughlin for giving her the dud intel.

And they say PMQs is becoming ever more pointless.

Who is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Stephen Doughty (Cardiff South and Penarth)

Q2 Rehman Chishti (Gillingham and Rainham)

Q3 David Mackintosh (Northampton South) 

Q4 David Simpson (Upper Bann) 

Q5 Mark Pawsey (Rugby) 

Q6 Callum McCaig (Aberdeen South) 

Q7 Angela Smith (Penistone and Stocksbridge)

Q8 Ben Howlett (Bath) 

Q9 Jeff Smith (Manchester, Withington) 

Q10 Gavin Newlands (Paisley and Renfrewshire North) 

Q11 Kelly Tolhurst (Rochester and Strood) 

Q12 David Warburton (Somerton and Frome) 

Q13 Chris Stephens (Glasgow South West)

Q14 Steve McCabe (Birmingham, Selly Oak) 

Q15 Gordon Marsden (Blackpool South) 

You Know What? It’s rigged. The Whole Thing Folks, Bigly.

pmqs

If you’re wondering why this week’s PMQs felt a bit odd it’s because this is the first time in a year that the Tories have been in a pickle and the attention hasn’t been on Jeremy Corbyn managing to create an even worse crisis in the Labour Party. And yet where is the praise for Jez for not cocking everything up for one solitary week? Nowhere. You know why? That’s because it’s rigged. The whole thing folks. The crooked pollsters, the lying media: the BBC, ITV, The Guardian – all in on it, and bigly too. It’s a tremendous shame. Sad folks! So sad!

Instead this week everyone’s been talking about just how Theresa May manages to successfully sidestep so many direct questions about Brexit. The good people at the University of York have decided she does it by opting to give a “non-specific response to a specific question”: in other words her interlocutor asks her about staying in the single market and she brilliantly counters that we need “to make sure the UK gets the best possible trade deal”. Of course the eggheads are wrong, and this is nonsense. Continue reading

Who is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 James Morris (Halesowen and Rowley Regis)

Q2 Mr Christopher Chope (Christchurch)

Q3 Helen Hayes (Dulwich and West Norwood) 

Q4 Wendy Morton (Aldridge-Brownhills) 

Q5 Karl Turner (Kingston upon Hull East) 

Q6 Dr Alasdair McDonnell (Belfast South) 

Q7 Jim Dowd (Lewisham West and Penge) 

Q8 Alison McGovern (Wirral South) 

Q9 Mrs Anne-Marie Trevelyan (Berwick-upon-Tweed) 

Q10 Yasmin Qureshi (Bolton South East) 

Q11 Owen Thompson (Midlothian)

Q12 Sir David Amess (Southend West) 

Q13 Jeremy Lefroy (Stafford) 

Q14 Maggie Throup (Erewash) 

Q15 Stephen Hammond (Wimbledon)

Who Will Challenge the PM?

pmqs

The Foreign Secretary quickly cottoned on to the fact that this was not going to be the most riveting of PMQs bust-ups. That of course meant there was only one thing for it: time to get in a bit of light chin-wagging (read: serious ministerial business). Attempting to avoid detection or accusations of rudeness while his leader held court, Boris decided the best strategy would be The Cagney. Popularised by the black and white film star, this technique involves leaning in to one’s co-conspirator with head bowed and quickly yapping out the opposite side of the mouth: a useful tactic when stuck in the can. Unfortunately for Boris while the Cagney works a charm for Noo-Yawk lags on lockdown, it is rather less effective when attempted by a booming old Etonian with a penchant for peppering his sentences with Latin. He never was any good at “oratio sub rosa” (that’s “Boris” for “talking in secret”).

Proceedings had begun with all paying unreserved tribute to those lost in Aberfan Disaster, including the Labour leader. Naturally there will be those concerned that this indicates a breach of Corbyn’s Law, they need not worry – had Jeremy known of any other mass landslide casualties they would undoubtedly have been duly referenced. The leader of the opposition then decided to question his opposite number on mental health and the NHS. It’s a subject quite literally close to his heart as he has spent every Wednesday afternoon for the past year sitting a foot away from a man slowly losing his mind. Although fortunately Tom Watson did opt for the first time in PMQs to unclasp his hands, meaning that the small mouse he would usually crush over the course of your average session happily managed to survive this Wednesday.

Continue reading

Theresa May’s Mrs Bone Innuendo

Theresa May has just said she hopes Peter Bone’s wife is going to treat his birthday “in the appropriate manner.” The Speaker can’t contain his excitement. Calm down man!

PMQs Live

PMQs: Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions To The Prime Minister

Q1 Mr Peter Bone (Wellingborough)

Q2 Lisa Nandy (Wigan)

Q3 Marcus Fysh (Yeovil)

Q4 Stephen Pound (Ealing North)

Q5 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Q6 Drew Hendry (Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey)

Q7 Maria Eagle (Garston and Halewood)

Q8 Mrs Cheryl Gillan (Chesham and Amersham)

Q9 Anne McLaughlin (Glasgow North East)

Q10 Alison Thewliss (Glasgow Central)

Q11 Richard Fuller (Bedford)

Q12 Mr Jamie Reed (Copeland)

Q13 Lucy Powell (Manchester Central)

Q14 Robert Flello (Stoke-on-Trent South)

Introducing Corbyn’s Law

pmqs

Proceedings began with a lengthy discussion on the Member for Lichfield’s (now removed) prostate. The new, lighter, more streamlined Fabbers spoke of the treatment he received on the NHS, only to have the Labour leader somewhat rain on his parade in his opening remarks. “I obviously hope”, inquired a re-elected, reinvigorated Jeremy Corbyn, “that the treatment he got was the same as the treatment everybody else got?”

The implication here being that the NHS pay particular attention to the health of the glands should they be nestled inside a Tory MP, whereas for the rest of us serfs they just rip them out with some rusty pliers and then kick them up the corridors in a game of hacky sack. The House was not amused, forcing the Labour leader to plead “it’s not controversial, I’m just wishing him well, is that okay?”, before going on to smirk “sorry to start on such a controversial note Mr. Speaker, I do apologise”. It’s come to something when he can’t even successfully congratulate someone for beating cancer.

Continue reading

Theresa May Burns Emily Thornberry

Phil Hammond enjoyed it.

PMQs: Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Paula Sherriff (Dewsbury)

Q2 Meg Hillier (Hackney South and Shoreditch) 

Q3 Michael Fabricant (Lichfield)

Q4 Steve Double (St Austell and Newquay) 

Q5 Daniel Kawczynski (Shrewsbury and Atcham) 

Q6 Vernon Coaker (Gedling) 

Q7 Mr David Burrowes (Enfield, Southgate) 

Q8 Mr Philip Hollobone (Kettering) 

Q9 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q10 Dr Alasdair McDonnell (Belfast South) 

Q11 Liz Saville Roberts (Dwyfor Meirionnydd) 

Q12 James Cartlidge (South Suffolk)

Q13 Fiona Bruce (Congleton) 

Q14 Mr Ben Bradshaw (Exeter) 

Q15 Victoria Prentis (Banbury) 

Corbyn Finds Safe Space

pmqs
Theresa May began today’s PMQs with a requiem for her predecessor, opting in sombre tone to list the departing Member for Witney’s crowning achievements. He was, she opined, “a tremendous public servant”, whose tenure saw “the economy being stabilised..and people on low incomes being taken out of tax”. That was it: a two sentence elegy for a two bob Prime Minister whose achievements are so minor they could be comfortably rattled off without pause for breath.

In fact the only thing she missed out was the legalisation of same sex marriage. Marie Antoinette said “let them eat cake”, David Cameron said “let them…”. Well I digress. Either way both wound up with their heads chopped off a year later in the midst of a revolutionary uprising against a quasi-feudal chumocracy. Such is politics.

The Labour leader naturally decided to kick things off with his weekly memorial, bestowing on the lucky few the singular honour of his Parliamentary tribute. “Who this time?” The nation wondered. A fallen Hamas regional organiser? A PLO munitions supplier? The Grand Mufti of Gaza and the Occupied Territories perhaps? No, turns out not. This time Mr. Corbyn decided to pay his respects to the brave Police Constable who got shivved in Merseyside trying to arrest a rapist. What’s more, he didn’t even then go on to ask that we also pay our respects to all Police Constables around the world who get shivved trying to arrest a rapist, as he is so wont to do. Continue reading

PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions Today

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Deidre Brock (Edinburgh North and Leith)

Q2 Marcus Fysh (Yeovil)

QCraig Williams (Cardiff North) 

Q4 Victoria Atkins (Louth and Horncastle) 

Q5 Owen Thompson (Midlothian) 

Q6 Mr David Winnick (Walsall North)

Q7 Richard Burden (Birmingham, Northfield) 

Q8 Mr John Baron (Basildon and Billericay) 

Q9 Lucy Frazer (South East Cambridgeshire)

Q10 Fiona Bruce (Congleton) 

Q11 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North) 

Q12 Tom Elliott (Fermanagh and South Tyrone) 

Q13 Mary Robinson (Cheadle) 

Q14 Lisa Nandy (Wigan) 

Q15 Diana Johnson (Kingston upon Hull North) 

Comments in the comments…

More Than A Freudian Slip

freudianslip

And so we’re back, but from where? Well Theresa May chose to spend the Summer recess hiking with her husband Philip in the Swiss Alps: an interesting choice for a holiday jaunt and a million miles away from her predecessor’s Cornish jollies. Such Alpine treks are rare amongst today’s political and intellectual elite, but were a mainstay of the nineteenth century intelligentsia, favoured by all from Shelley and Byron, to Freud, and of course Freiderich Nietzche.

It was to their snow capped peaks that the philosopher turned following a particularly hurtful separation from a once close companion to walk and ponder, returning in 1882 with the revolutionary proclamation that “God is Dead”. For her efforts pondering a rather more significant separation the PM has brought back the similarly pithy declaration that “Brexit means Brexit”. We can only hope that the similarities end there as a few years later Freiderich wound up in a loony bin with neurosyphilitic brain damage after going a bit heavy on the prostitutes. Such a fate is of course quite unlikely to befall modern politicians… Continue reading

PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions Today

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Thangam Debbonaire (Bristol West)

Q2 Neil Parish (Tiverton and Honiton)

Q3 Richard Arkless (Dumfries and Galloway) 

Q4 Lucy Frazer (South East Cambridgeshire) 

Q5 James Heappey (Wells) 

Q6 Andrew Gwynne (Denton and Reddish)

Q7 Mr Bernard Jenkin (Harwich and North Essex) 

Q8 James Gray (North Wiltshire) 

Q9 Richard Fuller (Bedford) 

Q10 Charlie Elphicke (Dover) 

Q11 Ms Margaret Ritchie (South Down) 

Q12 Jeff Smith (Manchester, Withington) 

Q13 Julian Sturdy (York Outer) 

Q14 Helen Hayes (Dulwich and West Norwood) 

Q15 Tom Brake (Carshalton and Wallington) 

Comments in the comments…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Shadow Education Secretary Angela Rayner:

“We have no plans to write off existing student debt.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Sunday Shows Sunday Shows
City Confident as Hiring Rates Rocket City Confident as Hiring Rates Rocket
Watch: Best Maiden Speech of 2017 Intake Watch: Best Maiden Speech of 2017 Intake
Child Protection Investigation ‘Stalled to Help Labour’ Child Protection Investigation ‘Stalled to Help Labour’
Davis Accepts Donations from Top Blairite and TV Remainer Davis Accepts Donations from Top Blairite and TV Remainer
BBC #NotOnTheList Stars Paid Via Production Companies BBC #NotOnTheList Stars Paid Via Production Companies
Pants-Wearing Councillor Boasted He Had “Vaz in My Right Pocket” Pants-Wearing Councillor Boasted He Had “Vaz in My Right Pocket”
Champion: ‘Not Possible’ to Keep Student Debt Promise Champion: ‘Not Possible’ to Keep Student Debt Promise
BBC Rich List Revealed: Salaries In Full BBC Rich List Revealed: Salaries In Full
Torbynista Greening Loses Fight for New Money Torbynista Greening Loses Fight for New Money
New Labour Spinner Boasted of Bullying Angela Eagle New Labour Spinner Boasted of Bullying Angela Eagle
Remainers Behind Smears and Negative Briefings Remainers Behind Smears and Negative Briefings
Byline Fined For Defamation in First Impress Ruling Byline Fined For Defamation in First Impress Ruling
Freedom From Abuse Not Abuse of Freedom Freedom From Abuse Not Abuse of Freedom
Milne & Blonde Pictured in Restaurant Milne & Blonde Pictured in Restaurant
Corbyn Spends Evening With Assad Loving Genocide Denier Corbyn Spends Evening With Assad Loving Genocide Denier
Osborne Defends Blackrock’s Investment on Front Page Osborne Defends Blackrock’s Investment on Front Page
Taylor Review Hijacked by Union Sock Puppets Taylor Review Hijacked by Union Sock Puppets
Assange Lawyer Named as Milne’s Mystery Blonde Assange Lawyer Named as Milne’s Mystery Blonde