Introducing Corbyn’s Law

pmqs

Proceedings began with a lengthy discussion on the Member for Lichfield’s (now removed) prostate. The new, lighter, more streamlined Fabbers spoke of the treatment he received on the NHS, only to have the Labour leader somewhat rain on his parade in his opening remarks. “I obviously hope”, inquired a re-elected, reinvigorated Jeremy Corbyn, “that the treatment he got was the same as the treatment everybody else got?”

The implication here being that the NHS pay particular attention to the health of the glands should they be nestled inside a Tory MP, whereas for the rest of us serfs they just rip them out with some rusty pliers and then kick them up the corridors in a game of hacky sack. The House was not amused, forcing the Labour leader to plead “it’s not controversial, I’m just wishing him well, is that okay?”, before going on to smirk “sorry to start on such a controversial note Mr. Speaker, I do apologise”. It’s come to something when he can’t even successfully congratulate someone for beating cancer.

Continue reading

Theresa May Burns Emily Thornberry

Phil Hammond enjoyed it.

PMQs: Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Paula Sherriff (Dewsbury)

Q2 Meg Hillier (Hackney South and Shoreditch) 

Q3 Michael Fabricant (Lichfield)

Q4 Steve Double (St Austell and Newquay) 

Q5 Daniel Kawczynski (Shrewsbury and Atcham) 

Q6 Vernon Coaker (Gedling) 

Q7 Mr David Burrowes (Enfield, Southgate) 

Q8 Mr Philip Hollobone (Kettering) 

Q9 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q10 Dr Alasdair McDonnell (Belfast South) 

Q11 Liz Saville Roberts (Dwyfor Meirionnydd) 

Q12 James Cartlidge (South Suffolk)

Q13 Fiona Bruce (Congleton) 

Q14 Mr Ben Bradshaw (Exeter) 

Q15 Victoria Prentis (Banbury) 

Corbyn Finds Safe Space

pmqs
Theresa May began today’s PMQs with a requiem for her predecessor, opting in sombre tone to list the departing Member for Witney’s crowning achievements. He was, she opined, “a tremendous public servant”, whose tenure saw “the economy being stabilised..and people on low incomes being taken out of tax”. That was it: a two sentence elegy for a two bob Prime Minister whose achievements are so minor they could be comfortably rattled off without pause for breath.

In fact the only thing she missed out was the legalisation of same sex marriage. Marie Antoinette said “let them eat cake”, David Cameron said “let them…”. Well I digress. Either way both wound up with their heads chopped off a year later in the midst of a revolutionary uprising against a quasi-feudal chumocracy. Such is politics.

The Labour leader naturally decided to kick things off with his weekly memorial, bestowing on the lucky few the singular honour of his Parliamentary tribute. “Who this time?” The nation wondered. A fallen Hamas regional organiser? A PLO munitions supplier? The Grand Mufti of Gaza and the Occupied Territories perhaps? No, turns out not. This time Mr. Corbyn decided to pay his respects to the brave Police Constable who got shivved in Merseyside trying to arrest a rapist. What’s more, he didn’t even then go on to ask that we also pay our respects to all Police Constables around the world who get shivved trying to arrest a rapist, as he is so wont to do. Continue reading

PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions Today

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Deidre Brock (Edinburgh North and Leith)

Q2 Marcus Fysh (Yeovil)

QCraig Williams (Cardiff North) 

Q4 Victoria Atkins (Louth and Horncastle) 

Q5 Owen Thompson (Midlothian) 

Q6 Mr David Winnick (Walsall North)

Q7 Richard Burden (Birmingham, Northfield) 

Q8 Mr John Baron (Basildon and Billericay) 

Q9 Lucy Frazer (South East Cambridgeshire)

Q10 Fiona Bruce (Congleton) 

Q11 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North) 

Q12 Tom Elliott (Fermanagh and South Tyrone) 

Q13 Mary Robinson (Cheadle) 

Q14 Lisa Nandy (Wigan) 

Q15 Diana Johnson (Kingston upon Hull North) 

Comments in the comments…

More Than A Freudian Slip

freudianslip

And so we’re back, but from where? Well Theresa May chose to spend the Summer recess hiking with her husband Philip in the Swiss Alps: an interesting choice for a holiday jaunt and a million miles away from her predecessor’s Cornish jollies. Such Alpine treks are rare amongst today’s political and intellectual elite, but were a mainstay of the nineteenth century intelligentsia, favoured by all from Shelley and Byron, to Freud, and of course Freiderich Nietzche.

It was to their snow capped peaks that the philosopher turned following a particularly hurtful separation from a once close companion to walk and ponder, returning in 1882 with the revolutionary proclamation that “God is Dead”. For her efforts pondering a rather more significant separation the PM has brought back the similarly pithy declaration that “Brexit means Brexit”. We can only hope that the similarities end there as a few years later Freiderich wound up in a loony bin with neurosyphilitic brain damage after going a bit heavy on the prostitutes. Such a fate is of course quite unlikely to befall modern politicians… Continue reading

PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions Today

pmqs live chat may corbyn

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Thangam Debbonaire (Bristol West)

Q2 Neil Parish (Tiverton and Honiton)

Q3 Richard Arkless (Dumfries and Galloway) 

Q4 Lucy Frazer (South East Cambridgeshire) 

Q5 James Heappey (Wells) 

Q6 Andrew Gwynne (Denton and Reddish)

Q7 Mr Bernard Jenkin (Harwich and North Essex) 

Q8 James Gray (North Wiltshire) 

Q9 Richard Fuller (Bedford) 

Q10 Charlie Elphicke (Dover) 

Q11 Ms Margaret Ritchie (South Down) 

Q12 Jeff Smith (Manchester, Withington) 

Q13 Julian Sturdy (York Outer) 

Q14 Helen Hayes (Dulwich and West Norwood) 

Q15 Tom Brake (Carshalton and Wallington) 

Comments in the comments…

Oily’s Confused Advice to Corbyn for PMQs

confused

Oily Smith has helpfully written to Jezza with some advice on tactics at PMQs:

“Of course, with six questions, you could cover more than one topic … although you know from your own experience that covering too many topics in one session can make the scrutiny less effective.”

Oily as always faces both ways and then splits the difference. Yeah but no but don’t stick to one subject but don’t do too many…

UPDATE: Treated with disdain…

Haven’t We Seen This One Before?

may2

Last week the outgoing Prime Minister recalled being accosted when on a tour of New York with Mayor Bloomberg. “Hey, Cameron!” yelled a pedestrian, “Prime Minister’s Questions! We love your show!”. The House laughed, but it’s an interesting conceit, and one that is not without its merit.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

“Remind him of Anybody?”

Theresa May was sounding an awful lot like the last female PM, she opened with a jibe: “In my years here in this house, I’ve long heard the Labour party asking what the Conservative Party does for women. It keeps making us Prime Minister.”

She was at her most Thatcheresque on Corbyn’s troubles:

“He refers to the situation of some workers who might have some job insecurity, and potentially unscrupulous bosses.

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Theresa May’s First PMQs: Who is Asking the Questions?

Q1 John Glen (Salisbury)

Q2 Mr Jamie Reed (Copeland)

Q3 Julie Cooper (Burnley)

Q4 Sir Edward Leigh (Gainsborough)

Q5 Catherine McKinnell (Newcastle upon Tyne North)

Q6 Daniel Kawczynski (Shrewsbury and Atcham)

Q7 Nusrat Ghani (Wealden)

Q8 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q9 Imran Hussain (Bradford East)

Q10 Stuart Blair Donaldson (West Aberdeenshire and Kincardine)

Q11 Mr Barry Sheerman (Huddersfield)

Q12 Kelly Tolhurst (Rochester and Strood)

Q13 Stuart Andrew (Pudsey)

Comments in the comments please…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Wham, Bam, Thank You Cam

gallery-guido

Today was David Cameron’s 147th – and final – Prime Minister’s Questions. 147, not a bad knock all considered, and rather unfortunate in the manner of dismissal: caught out on the boundary by a Eurosceptic when swinging for a six. Rotten luck – he should have played it straight.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Cameron’s Farewell: “I was the Future Once”

“Yes we can be pretty tough and test and challenge our leaders – perhaps more than some other countries – but that is something we should be proud of, and we should keep at it. And I hope you will all keep at it, and I will will you on as you do.

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

“I Love Your Show”

Cameron retells a story about the international recognition PMQs gets. Great accent, Prime Minister…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Cameron’s Last Laugh Over May, Labour, and Watson

An email from “Judith” over Tom Watson’s threats to the Labour leadership poses a particular highlight in Cameron’s last PMQs against Corbyn. The buoyant PM looks raring to go…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Cameron’s Empty Schedule

“Other than one meeting this afternoon, the diary for the rest of my day is remarkably light.” Classy…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Michael Gove to the Commons on Trident:

“The unilateralists opposite complaining today are in the position of eunuchs complaining about the cost of Viagra.”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Corbynista Stoke Candidate Rails Against PLP Corbynista Stoke Candidate Rails Against PLP
Government Trident Spin Misfires Government Trident Spin Misfires
TfL Told Khan he Could Freeze All Fares TfL Told Khan he Could Freeze All Fares
Watch: Jez Called “S***” on Train Watch: Jez Called “S***” on Train
Watch: May Refuses to Answer Trident Questions Four Times Watch: May Refuses to Answer Trident Questions Four Times
FULL-LENGTH TRUMP INAUGURATION SPEECH FULL-LENGTH TRUMP INAUGURATION SPEECH
Farage Hired by Fox News Farage Hired by Fox News
UKIP Announce Nuttall for Stoke UKIP Announce Nuttall for Stoke
Osborne Buries BlackRock News Osborne Buries BlackRock News
UKIP Out-NHS Labour in Copeland UKIP Out-NHS Labour in Copeland
Labour Copeland Candidate’s Son is True Lad Labour Copeland Candidate’s Son is True Lad
Govt Cancels Carbon Capture Govt Cancels Carbon Capture
Seamus Officially Leaves Guardian Seamus Officially Leaves Guardian
Article 50 Splits Shadow Cabinet Article 50 Splits Shadow Cabinet
Revenge Porn Momentum Candidate Quits Revenge Porn Momentum Candidate Quits
Red Len’s Hospitality Hypocrisy Red Len’s Hospitality Hypocrisy
Momentum Man is Porn Baron Momentum Man is Porn Baron
PMQs Sketch – Labour MPs Googling Museum Directorships PMQs Sketch – Labour MPs Googling Museum Directorships
NEC Fudges Danczuk Decision NEC Fudges Danczuk Decision