Guido has not awarded an Order of the OTT for a while. This entry however, up on the New Statesman website this morning, was just too good to pass up:
Readers can have one guess who the author is…
Laurie Penny’s steaming hot take goes on to suggest that an intoxicated David Cameron’s alleged porcine molestation is somehow symbolic of the class struggle power dynamic, her psycho-analysis concluding that the future Prime Minister’s penetrated pig is a metaphor for the country he would go on to run:
“Power and money are accessed through the back door, or, as it may be, the pig’s mouth, and as with any kink, the eroticism isn’t about the act, but about what the act symbolises. It’s about humiliation, about control, about power play. What might the young swain have been thinking as he unzipped? What went through his head? If you ask me, I’ll bet he was thinking: Soon. Someday soon, I will do this to the whole bloody country.”
Talk about hamming it up…
Tonight’s Guy News special has obtained exclusive footage of an unrequited lover outside the gates of Downing Street:
This story’s still got trotters…
According to Lord Ashcroft and a single-source unnamed Tory MP, David Cameron placed “a private part of his anatomy” into a dead pig’s mouth during an initiation at Oxford. This is how the internet responded to the news:
Tonight I'm reminded of one of George W Bush's best quotes: When I was young and foolish, I was young and foolish
— Tim Montgomerie ن (@montie) September 20, 2015
Shit. Turns out Black Mirror is a documentary series.
— Charlie Brooker (@charltonbrooker) September 20, 2015
"Shh now. Shh" pic.twitter.com/n3ShvwwCNC
— SimonNRicketts (@SimonNRicketts) September 20, 2015
"Dave did WHAT with this pig?" pic.twitter.com/6cF26GYQaT
— GavIN (@blueliberal1) September 20, 2015
I just found out about the pig thing.
Suddenly, voting for a vegetarian Marxist doesn't seem quite so bad an idea. #piggate
— Tim Stanley (@timothy_stanley) September 20, 2015
"When I look at a pig's head, what is going through my mind is… respect."
— Robert Hutton (@RobDotHutton) September 20, 2015
— Dave Jones (@WelshGasDoc) September 20, 2015
Ashcroft on Cameron: illustrates old adage that revenge is dish best served cold – but dresses the plate with some pork crackling #oinkoink
— Andrew Neil (@afneil) September 21, 2015
I've never been more pleased to be a vegetarian.
— Tim Farron (@timfarron) September 20, 2015
"The Daily Mail is a vile rag, spreading lies and smears about Jeremy Corb- Ooh. A pig? Really? Disgusting! Says a lot about David Cameron".
— Philip Cowley (@philipjcowley) September 21, 2015
The packed out Lobby briefing this morning is going to be about hamage control…