A notice has just gone round from the parliamentary authorities telling staffers and MPs that they should report in if they plan on working on the estate over the weekend:

“As you may already be aware, during water quality checks in early September legionella bacteria was identified in the boiler which provides hot water to the Palace’s taps and showers. The system was treated on 14th September to address this.

Test results for additional samples were received on 30th September which recommend that further mitigation measures were taken forward.

As a result, the House is planning to chemically treat the hot water system in the Palace over the weekend of 5th and 6th October. The chemicals are at a low level and present no health risk. However during this time, it is recommended that hot water taps are not used, unless fitted with a filter.

There will be signage around the Estate and filters fitted where required.”

A bemused staffer tells Guido:

“It’s just more proof how crap Parliament is to actually work in, we have no working air conditioning or heating, the buildings leak when it rains, rats are everywhere and now the water is trying to kill us… again.”

Legionella and other savoury incidents like sewage leaks are no rare thing around Whitehall. Back in 2022 the bacteria hit the fairly new Portcullis House. Now it looks like it’s spread further. It’s not just the politics that’s dirty…

MPs across the benches are calling to recall Parliament as streets of Britain burn in the wake of the Southport stabbings. Reform leader Nigel Farage has called for a more “honest debate” about immigration, while several veteran Labour backbenchers have taken to X to demand a recall: Diane Abbott, Dawn Butler, Ian Byrne, Zarah Sultana and Clive Lewis. Though Yvette Cooper said this morning that this will not happen “right now”…

Meanwhile, Number 10 are desperately trying to downplay Keir Starmer going on holiday, saying that he won’t be going…at the “start of this week” – not a denial that he will be going some time soon. While riots grow to levels last seen in 2011, the pressure is piling on Starmer to act swiftly – this is not the time to prioritise “family time”. So much for any honeymoon period he may have hoped for…

Parliament effectively shut down yesterday, though not because of the usual reasons (recess, prorogation, or it’s just an average Friday). Instead, a “catastrophic” IT failure across the palaces meant MPs and peers couldn’t access their emails, computers, constituency work or online meetings from lunch time to the evening. Though at least it meant our politicians had to get off their phones for once. Zuckerburg and Bezos may have noticed a decline in usage...

Concerns arose that it might be a cyber attack due to the extensive outage, which required several hours to resolve. However, House of Commons authorities have vehemently denied this, instead citing “human error” for the failure. Given our fine politicians’ track record, the latter reason comes as no surprise…

While it might not have matched the box office value of Boris’s appearance last year, Sir Chris Bryant did at least provide some light entertainment at today’s Liaison Committee hearing. The Civility in Politics winner grilled Rishi over his poor attendance at PMQs – he’s missing the next two appearances – and kicked up a fuss over the Kangaroo Court’s report. Apparently Zac Goldsmith needed to apologise for attacking the ‘roos because he was a minister; the other 7 MPs named in their report should make up their own mind. Rishi hasn’t actually read the full 30,000 word report, though Guido can hardly blame him. There was also some confusion over which report Bryant was actually talking about in the first place: the 30,000 word doorstop, or the 14 page whinge about the Court’s critics. Bryant thought the latter was only 3 pages, for some reason…

Earlier in the hearing, Rishi also claimed there is no such thing as the blob in Westminster:

Whitehall’s office occupancy stats might beg to differ… 

Politicians have finally found a way to deliver on the often peddled pledge to “clean up” politics and, unsurprisingly, it only extends to getting someone else to do their dirty work. As if Parliament didn’t already have enough washed up rags, yesterday, a trial dry cleaning service began operation in the Palace of Westminster – exclusively available to Members. The service is being run by high-end provider Jeeves and, if successful, will be rolled out to other passholders. The announcement said:

“A new dry-cleaning service on the estate is now available to Members from Wednesday 17 May for six months. This service is part of a trial provided by Jeeves.

Members will be able to deliver and collect clothes from the Hall Keeper’s Lodge, off St Stephen’s Hall. To use the service you must first register to use the service online.

Information about the service, including the pricing, will be available from Jeeves and from the Hall Keeper’s Lodge.

Jeeves were selected as a supplier after considering customer service needs and environmental credentials of service providers.

If successful, the service will be rolled out to other groups of passholders to gradually scale up the service.”

It just won’t wash with the voting public…

Legionella bacteria has been detected in the sprinkler system recently installed in Parliament. According to Politico’s Esther Webber, the potentially deadly bacteria was discovered in the basement this week, just months after the same germ forced the closure of the showers in PCH as a “precautionary measure”. Now it’s back, thanks to a £140 million sprinkler network which was only installed because decisions on a major restoration of the Palace keep being delayed…

A spokesperson for the Commons said:

“We are working with contractors to drain and sterilize the system before it is fully recommissioned. Fire safety is a top priority for parliament and we are in close consultation with the London Fire Brigade.”

They insist the basement is still safe to work, despite the bugs. If any staffers experience high temperature, feverishness and chills, or pneumonia, that might be the Legionnaires’ disease kicking in. Pop outside and get some fresh air. Just avoid the the rats.