The Ministry of Defence isn’t known to be the most well run department in the civil service. Having had nearly a hundred complaints of sexual misconduct and bullying, the Permanent Secretary for Defence has now had to apologise for more mismanagement of the department. It turns out, the MoD overstated the size of army inventory by over 250 million items. While war rages in Gaza and Ukraine, you’d hope that our defence department may be more on top of things…
The department stated in its 2022-23 annual report that it had 740 million items in its inventory and 640,000 types of inventory, when the actual figures were 457 million items and 520,000 types of inventory. Defence PUS David Williams made a grovelling apology, saying: “I apologise… there is no real excuse for our not having spotted it much earlier.” Meanwhile, Tugendhat, Wallace, and Boris Johnson are pushing for increased defence spending…
Despite PMQs avoiding the topic, SW1 is abuzz with chatter over The Sun’s revelation that a second Trident missile failed while Grant Shapps was on board the sub in January. Tobias Ellwood has gone further than anyone else in revealing what is known about the test’s failure, telling GB News that he has conducted “investigations” and understands “it was some equipment that was actually attached to the missile itself that prevented the firing of the rocket system“. Details that should be closed…
An MoD source confirms to Guido that “no one has been asked not to talk about the DASO (Demonstration and Shakedown Operation) in general” – implying that they have been told not to talk about specifics. Government sources insist to Guido that the deterrent is effective and all other details, including that of the leak, are “second-rate“, and that Ellwood would likely have heard more details of the test second or third-hand. Meanwhile, a “serious investigation” is being launched over the original leak of the test, starting with a police investigation into who was on the sub at the time of the failed launch. Splashes in the ocean are causing ripples in Westminster…
Guido was flicking through the government’s civil service job listings this afternoon and noticed a new job advert for a “Nuclear Emergency Response Manager – Navy Command” at His Majesty’s Naval Base Clyde, “home to the United Kingdom’s Strategic Nuclear Deterrent“. The MoD wants someone to help deliver “a Nuclear Emergency Response capability” by providing “training to the Nuclear Emergency Response Organisation“. Their hire will “ensure all nuclear emergency response facilities and support equipment on the Faslane site are managed and maintained at a constant state of readiness” and maintain “the currency of documentation supporting Nuclear Emergency Response Arrangements“. In other words – an important cog in averting global nuclear Armageddon…
The modest salary of £35,290 is dwarfed by other taxpayer-funded positions which Guido ventures are less vital to the public’s welfare. TfL for example is right now hiring a “diversity and inclusion lead” for £80,000 to “champion initiatives that support the D&I agenda“, while the NHS has hired diversity and inclusion managers on salaries of up to £108,000. Guido will resist a “Dr. Strangelove” pun…
While Hamas launches hundreds of missiles into Israel and Putin attempts to wipe Ukraine off the map, you’d think it would be all hands on deck for the Ministry of Defence Communications and Strategy team. Not quite…
The Director of Communications, Claire Pimm, whisked over a hundred of her staff across the river for a “Delivery and Strategy Away Day” at the plush four star Park Plaza Hotel today. Forced fun included scheduled “quizzes and games” and bingo, with a finger buffet to keep their strength up. This was following a speech about “how long the hours are” for the team…
The event included just 20 minutes of presentations. The rest of the day was filled with quizzes, games, and back-slapping. Quite the day to choose…
The temporary Director of Communications, Claire Pimm, recently enjoyed a taxpayer-funded, 5-day all-expenses paid trip to Miami involving a nicer hotel. Don’t count on becoming the permanent Director of Communications Claire…
Newly-appointed Defence Secretary and TikTok sensation Grant Shapps has removed the popular Chinese-owned social media app from his personal phone, and has surrendered control of his beloved account to his constituency staff. A source close to Shapps told the Express this afternoon:
“Grant knows that TikTok can be a valuable tool for communicating with his constituents… Aware of security concerns, he doesn’t have the app on his phone and the account is instead managed by his constituency staff.”
Earlier this year, Shapps’ team told Guido he would continue to use TikTok in future – despite the ban on the app across all government devices – arguing it’s an effective tool to reach voters. He made it pretty clear he planned on staying:
@grantshapps This morning the government announced a TikTok ban on government devices. That’s sensible. I’ve never used TikTok on government devices and can hereby confirm I will NOT be leaving TikTok anytime soon! #politics #news #foryoupage #FYP #trend #wolfofwallstreet #imnotleaving #tiktok
Not so much…
Yesterday, two hours after Guido reported the MoD had invited an Extinction Rebellion activist to their annual leadership lectures day, the Army rescinded the invite. Unfortunately for Her Majesty’s forces, they’re still set to be lectured by The Guardian’s Arwa Mahdawi:
🎉New speaker announcement🎉
— 🇬🇧 Centre for Army Leadership (@Army_Leadership) November 9, 2021
We are excited to announce that Arwa Mahdawi will be presenting at our Culture and Leadership Conference on Wed 1 Dec 21. Arwa is a journalist for @guardian and author of 'Strong Female Lead'.
Sign up here: https://t.co/OfMVAWY3xg@ArwaM #culture pic.twitter.com/LS2TcsOu0R
Some co-conspirators may know Mahdawi best for her infamous flip-flop op-eds, in which she notoriously accused “toxic masculinity” of killing people via refusal to wear facemasks, then opined that people shouldn’t be shamed for not wearing facemasks. She also wrote that Melania Trump’s new hairdo should “make us very afraid”, then wrote a scathing riposte when AOC’s barnet came under the spotlight.
Just the sort of consistent, strong-minded leadership from which our troops need to learn…
Among her other work, perhaps the Army will be surprised to learn she’s not too keen on the military. In 2017 she slammed the Israeli actress Gal Gadot as she’d “happily spent time in the Israeli army kicking Palestinian ass and supports the IDF”.
She also wrote an op-ed on the BLM riots in the US under the headline, “If violence isn’t the way to end racism in America, then what is?”; and another in which she lamented that Britain’s now “embarrassing” and that Priti Patel is a “ghoul” – all of these opinions no doubt perfectly suited to a day at Sandhurst lecturing the Army. Still, maybe one of our boys will be keen to ask about how to avoid their barrack thermostats being “constantly set to a ‘sexist’ temperature”…
