Prolific Liberal Democrat candidate Chris Twells has finally received the electoral reward his commitment to standing as a losing candidate deserves. He has just been elected to represent Tetbury with Upton. Despite already being a councillor 160 miles away…
Although his behaviour is legal, Twells’s literature did make the dubious claim he could “keep in touch and work hard for this area all year round”. The Mayor of Salford, where Chris is already a councillor, has now called on him to “do the right thing and resign”. He will now be able to claim double expenses. Chris had defended his electoral two-timing by claiming he was merely a “paper candidate”. Oops.
Mark Oaten, a former Liberal Democrat frontbencher who resigned amid scandal, is looking to make his electoral return in the upcoming local elections. The Lib Dems’ former Home Affairs spokesman, who made it into Guido’s A-Z of Lib Dem scandal, was forced to resign after he was exposed for his three-in-a-bed rent boy sessions. The News of the World reported he made requests “too revolting to describe”. Guido did think it would take longer to find a candidate with sexual proclivities so exotic as to rival Chris Mawby.
Oaten intends to stand in Severn Vale ward in South Gloucestershire – a seat where the Lib Dems came second in 2019. It’s certainly a result to watch on election night, though not everyone is excited for Mark’s comeback. As a local co-conspirator puts it, he is “truly an unflushable turd”.
UPDATE: Mark Oaten emails…
Hi team,
I get you need content. But I do ask you consider the following. What happened to me was 20’years ago. The news of the world issued a full apology. They admitted to hacking my phone. They paid a compensation. The guys that wrote the story went to jail. I made mistakes for sure. But do you not think it’s time to let me move on??
All the best
The Liberal Democrats have today released their latest PR stunt – a creative A-Z list of Conservative sleaze and scandal. So, Guido has taken the opportunity to provide a bit of balance to the debate by compiling one for the Lib Dems. Strap in…
- A is for Arson: When Nick Clegg admitted he wasn’t proud of setting fire to a German cactus collection in the 80s.
- B is for Boris death threats. In 2019 a Lib Dem candidate was axed for calling for Tory ministers to be hanged.
- C is for Cyril Smith: the self-confessed paedophile.
- D is for Davey’s dodgy tax returns.
- E is for Expenses. This extends from Nick Clegg’s £1,400 gardening costs to lavish second home refurbishments.
- F is for Forgery. In 2019 their head of press, Rosy Cobb, was suspended for forgery.
- G is for GDPR Breach. In 2018 the party launched an “urgent investigation” after they exposed the personal information of Lewisham voters.
- H is for Hinkley Point. In 2017, the National Audit Office blasted Ed Davey’s “risky and expensive” Hinkley Point deal.
- I is for Internal Polling Breaches. The Lib Dems briefed internal polling based on postal votes – despite electoral rules against it.
- J is for Jeremy Thorpe. Co-conspirators will of course be familiar with this case. The former Lib Dem leader was tried for conspiracy to murder and has the blood of great dane Rinka on his hands.
- K is for Khalid Fezan. The most recent addition to this list, Fezan is Guido’s “cocktail of hatred” candidate, suspended ahead of upcoming local elections.
- L is for Laws. David Laws resigned from cabinet over expenses after “a series of serious breaches of the rules, over a considerable period of time”.
- M is for Michael Brown: the pin-striped donor who stole millions for the Lib Dems.
- N is for Nick named in Bribery case. Nick Clegg was recently named “inadvertently“ in an OnlyFans bribery scheme case implicating Meta execs.
- O is for Oaten. Mark Oaten resigned from the Lib Dem front bench in 2006 when he was exposed for having a threesome with rent boys. The News of the World described one of his requests as “too revolting to describe”.
- P is for Paddy Pantsdown. The former leader famously had an affair with secretary Patricia Howard.
- Q is for Quizzed by Police. In 2018 the Met said Sarah Olney committed a criminal offence over election spending.
- R is for Rennard: the Lib Dems’ answer to Harvey Weinstein.
- R is also for Rinka the dog. Killed as a result of Jeremy Thorpe’s lovers tiff.
- S is for Steel. Former leader David Steel was forced to retire from public life over his cover-up of Cyril Smith’s paedophilia.
- T is for Tuition fees. No explanation needed.
- U is for Undeclared spending.
- V is for Vicky Pryce, wife of Chris Huhne. In 2013 both were sentenced to jail for perverting the court of justice, after she took speeding points for the former Lib Dem Energy Secretary.
- W is for Welsh Wizard. Like all Liberals, David Lloyd-George wasn’t without his scandals. The Liberal Prime Minister awarded cash for honours and was implicated in the Marconi scandal.
- X is for X-rated antisemite. In 2022, Guido revealed a Lib Dem candidate was a porn star. She was then suspended for antisemitism.
- Y is for Young Lib Dem’s Wetherspoons Meltdown. In 2018, activists clashed after some young liberals compared visiting Spoons to supporting apartheid.
- Z is for Zoot. On the campaign trail in 2019, Jo Swinson admitted: I inhaled, and I liked it.
There is enough scandal material over the years to do the alphabet twice over…
Local election season means Guido’s inbox is being inundated with cases of crackpot council candidates, and Liberal Democrat Fezan Khalid is no exception. Fezan is standing for election to Rochdale Council, and a quick look at his Facebook page is all you need to see that the Lib Dems’ due diligence process is failing. Yesterday, Fezan shared a post saying that Suella Braverman’s Buddhist, Indian Christian, Hindu and Jewish background provided for a “cocktail of hatred”. He accused the Board of Deputies of British Jews of orchestrating Corbyn’s suspension from Labour and shared a detailed post outlining why “Anti-semitism is a complete fraud”. Maybe stick to planning applications…
As British supermarkets have been hit with vegetable shortages, ITV’s Good Morning Britain assembled a panel to get to the bottom of it in the only way they know how. By inviting on a remainiac Liberal Democrat activist, hiding her campaigning background, and nodding along as she blamed the unseasonable frosts in Morocco on… Brexit.
Liz Webster was introduced simply as “a farmer and chair of Save British Food”, before she launched a tirade concluding that the “underlying problem” was Brexit. Ignoring the fact that her argument was a complete fabrication – even the BBC agrees Brexit is “unlikely to be a factor” – the real issue is that voters weren’t given sufficient context to judge the credibility of the expert activist.
In addition to tweeting about the “criminal greed” of “evil” tories, and repeating how much she hates Brexit, Liz is a die hard Lib Dem. She’s spoken at their conference and it’s hard to find an elected position Liz hasn’t stood for – and lost. She’s been a Lib Dem candidate for parliament, police and crime commissioner and President of the party. As always, Liz is entitled to her platform. However, considering how much time she spends on the campaign trail, and the strength of her views, it’s clearly something GMB should have informed the viewers about…
Given the current state of the Conservative Party’s polling, even safe seats are now under threat. Though the people of Ruislip, Northwood and Pinner can rest easy in the knowledge that their Liberal Democrat candidate is also well up to the job. Ian Rex-Hawkes is standing for the seat and boasts some resounding endorsements. One goes on to say:
“You have the moral integrity and high standards in all aspects of the requirements of your potential constituents. You will stand up to injustice and defend those deemed to have had injustice against them. You are committed to environmental change and to look after the less well off in society.”
With words like this plastered on his website, co-conspirators could be forgiven for thinking they came from a big beast of liberal politics. The source was, in fact, his own mother.
Ian’s impressive endorsements don’t end there. His website publicises praise from his brother, aunt, jū jūtsu instructor as well as two former co-workers. And perhaps the biggest name of the lot… “Anonymous”.
In addition to his self-publicised sycophancy, Ian’s site includes blog posts and links to his podcast. He’s quick to criticise Nadhim Zahawi’s tax affairs, saying he “should no longer be allowed to serve as an MP”; Ed Davey‘s own dealings must have slipped his mind. His podcast is also a must-listen. His exclusive guests: all family members…
