In what is emerging as the biggest political scandal of 2030, dozens of MPs from all parties are set to have the whip removed after the contents of secret conversations and group chats were leaked on Chinese social media.

The files, published on Chinese social network Weibo, featured messages from MPs from the Tories, Labour, Lib Dems, SNP, the DUP, Greens and the newly formed Boris4King Party.

MPs used unencrypted chats to GOSSIP about party leaders, TRASH policies that they had voted for, RIDICULE their own constituents, and make disparaging remarks about lobby journalists.

One message from a Labour MP mocked the haircut of a well-known lobby reporter, “I reckon he goes to Mr Toppers LOL” – a reference to a popular London discount barber chain.

In a thread comparing constituents, one Tory complained “M8, all the Tory voting wrinklies in my constituency just keep going on about bins!!! Like, who cares?” A Lib Dem MP replied “My lot just keep banging on about a second referendum. Move on, lads. That ship’s sailed (And you can get duty-free gin on it now!!!).”

Of the 132 MPs who had messages leaked, 119 had voted for the Online Safety Act, which demanded that end-to-end encryption be compromised in the UK, ironically for “security” reasons.

A spokesperson for Index on Censorship, which campaigned vigorously to protect encryption before the law was passed in 2023, said:

“We hate to say we told you so, but, well, we did. Breaking end-to-end encryption has rendered private communications vulnerable to attack. Perhaps now MPs will act to restore security to British politicians and citizens.”

None of the affected MPs were available for comment, but party insiders say that Westminster is bracing for a raft of resignations. Bookmakers have stopped taking bets on a general election brought about by further revelations – which would be Britain’s 22nd since 2017.

*This is a spoof news article, but the threats are very real. The proposed Online Safety Bill will force platforms to monitor private communications among the British public, undermining end-to-end encryption and exposing sensitive information. With concerns about privacy online on the rise with cyberattacks from Russia and Iran, without changes and scrutiny and changes this Bill will make Britain and its people ever more vulnerable.

Content written by Index on Censorship.