LibDems Feline Funny

If you go to the LibDems’ website this morning, this is what you see. Apparently it’s all because when Joey Essex met Nick Clegg he thought the party was called the “Liberal Democats”. Well using cat pictures in a vain attempt at increasing your popularity worked for Buzzfeed…

Labour Campaign Chief Breaks Social Media Election Law

The parliamentary rules for MPs’ social media use during the election campaign could not be clearer:

“If your website, Twitter account, Facebook page etc. refer to you as an MP (on their pages or in the address or in the handle) make sure you have either set up alternatives to use from Monday 30th March at 00:01 until polling day, or frozen the account, or published the necessary disclaimer making it clear you are not an MP during the Dissolution period.”

Yet as of 10:35am this morning, the Twitter bio of Labour campaign chief Lucy Powell still referred to her as an MP:

Within minutes of Guido politely pointing this out, “MP” had been quietly changed to “candidate”. 

Yet, in a display of Powell’s winning judgement, she summoned all of her famous deflection skills to spin that Guido was talking about her handle, @LucyMPowell, which refers to her middle name Maria, and not her bio:

You would have thought, after yesterday, she would have learnt when to put down the spade…

DWP Press Office Wins The Internet

The Department for Work and Pensions press office won the internet today with this peach of a tweet to dreamy-eyed 1D heartthrob Zayn Malik following his departure the bang. Has Richard Caseby all over it…

Labour are the Response Team

Guido has had some fun with centralised attempts from Labour HQ to win the online battle in the past, so imagine his joy to be invited to join their latest wheeze. This season’s Derek Draper / Damian McBride / Kerry McCarthy is tubby two fingered typer Jon Ashworth, who has emailed supporters in a  bid to set up a rapid online rebuttal unit:

“We can’t outspend the Tories to rebut their smears, and we can’t rely on the media to do it for us (spoiler: they won’t). So we’re taking matters into our own hands — and that’s where you come in. We’re calling it the Labour Response Team — a team of grassroots activists fighting back by exposing the Tories’ dirty tactics and highlighting their real record. I’m looking to recruit a few thousand of Labour’s most committed members and supporters to join this new team — and I want you to be a part of it.”

In other words: we tell you what to Tweet.

Amusingly Ashworth breaks the first rule of firefighting in the first line of his call to arms email. Never, ever, repeat the charge:

“The Tories have a plan to win this election…”

It’s fitting though. Labour’s entire campaign so far – from the ‘a better plan’ slogan down – has been totally reactive.

Million Signatures Friday:

bbc-banner x540

The Bring Back Clarkson petition is on course to hit a million sigtomorrowon Friday and we have a big surprise lined up. Make it happen by sharing this on Facebook and Twitter.

CLICK TO SIGN THE #BRINGBACKCLARKSON PETITION

Return of WebCameron

The Sun’s new non-paywalled SunNation election website takes us behind the scenes with the PM, who wore a spy camera to let us see a day in the life of Dave. Watch him tell off Michael Gove above…

95% of the Way to a Million Backers

bbc-smillion

CLICK TO SIGN THE #BRINGBACKCLARKSON PETITION

We are 95% of the way to reach a million signatures on the petition. We could be there by tomorrow evening. Share with someone who hasn’t yet signed…

900,000 Say “Bring Back Clarkson”

900k-bbc

Click to sign the #BringBackClarkson Petition

Bring Back Clarkson Petition Hits 820,000 Signatures

jeremy-clarkson

Click to sign the #BringBackClarkson Petition

Craig Oliver v Raheem Kassam Twitter Bitch Fight

Nigel Farage has upset the old parties and the BBC with his comments from last autumn – which are suddenly emerging now – about axing race discrimination laws. And lo, Nige and Dave’s thumb-twiddling tweet doctors are having it out on Twitter. In text speak.

Why not just ditch the whole TV debates thing completely and decide it all in 140 characters. Said no one ever.

Clarkson Petition Hits ⅔ Million

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Click to sign the #BringBackClarkson Petition

Anti-Recycling Green Party Poster

BLAIR-RECYCLING-GREEN-PARTY Gaia Guido has come up with an idea for a Green Party campaign poster which he is happy to share for free. Following Tony Blair’s generous recycling of £106,000 he got from various dictators to various Labour candidates in marginal constituencies, here is a poster idea for their Green Party opponents. If you like the idea and want a higher-resolution Photoshop version, do email in…  

Government Wants to Pry About Prying

GCHQ at Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

The government have been kind enough to launch a consultation on the revisions and updates to the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act. Essentially they want to know what you think about their plans to spy on you. Specifically, they want to hear from the public on the newly-proposed Equipment Interference Code and an updated Interception of Communications Code of Practice. In a forward to the consultation, James Brokenshire, Minister of State for Immigration and Security, assures the public that:

“In order to continue to keep us safe, the Security and Intelligence Agencies need the full range of investigatory tools at their disposal. But the public needs to know that these powers are used appropriately and are subject to stringent oversight…

There are limits on what can be said in public about this work. But it is imperative that the Government is as open as it can be about these capabilities and how they are used. The public and Parliament needs to have confidence that there is a robust statutory framework for the use of such intrusive investigative powers and that there is a strong system of safeguards in place…

The abilities to read or listen to a suspect’s communications or to interfere with his or her computer equipment are among the most important, sensitive, and closely scrutinised powers available to the state..”

You can let Mr Brokenshire know what you think by taking part in the consultation hereOr just discuss it on Whatsapp or Snapchat with someone with a foreign sounding name…

Jim On The Run

Jim Murphy has pulled out of a public appearance today, after the McAshcroft poll pointed to a total rout for the party north of the border. Guido is told that Scottish Labour hope to ‘reschedule’ a stunt that would have their leader selling copies of the Big Issue for the day. Jim will have the opportunity to do so full time at this rate…

Meanwhile, here is the party’s mature response to utter Caledonian clusterf*ck. You would never have thought they’re a bunch of former NUS chumps:

Yeah, retreat to that comfort zone. That will solve everything.

Confirmed: WhatsApp to Blame For ISIS Advance, Not Snapchat

Last week Techno Guido reported that former defence secretary Tom King believed the reason for ISIS’s advance across Iraq and Syria was entirely down to either Snapchat or WhatsApp. After much speculation as to which teenage sexting app Lord King was referring to, he has gone on the record to confirm that he believes the speed of ISIS’s advance “was achieved on WhatsApp”. Despite King’s revelation, the House of Lords rejected his rehashed Snoopers Charter amendment. Again.

“our legislation has failed to keep pace with the rapid growth of the new technologies around the internet and the complications in the whole field of social media communication. One should recognise—it is common ground—that the extraordinary speed of ISIL’s southwards advance across Syria and into Iraq was achieved on WhatsApp, which is able to communicate with thousands of people at the same time”

Thousands of terrorists communicating together in one group chat? You’d think the security services would be pleased…

Douglas Carswell Goes All “Hello Kippy”

hello-kippy

Guido assumes that Douglas Carswell’s kids have got hold of his iPad or iPhone:

Though Douglas is an advocate of digital democracy so perhaps this is a virtual simulation of utopia…

UPDATE: Carswell tweets:

Tories Admit New Voter Software is Busted

A leaked email has revealed the Tory field data operation is in dire straights just 98 days from polling day. With half of their associations dumping the dire Merlin voter data software for a new voter contact system, CCHQ have now been forced to admit that the upgrade is busted too. In the busiest donation period of the entire election cycle, party bosses have admitted that all donations of over £500 have to be declared manually to CCHQ with a spreadsheet rather than simply entered in the software – as promised. Which defeats the point of the expensive change over…

To: ALL CONSTITUENCY OFFICES, CHAIRMAN, DEPUTY CHAIRMAN MEMBERSHIP AND FINANCE
Cc: FIELD STAFF

As you know, the Party is replacing the MERLIN software with a new membership and campaigning system called VoteSource. Over 350 associations have already decided to move to VoteSource, and their MERLIN has not been updated with the new registers of electors that were published on 1 December in England and Wales*. For these users VoteSource must now be used for all election campaigning. Donors giving over £500 to the Association, or over £50 directly to a candidate, must be checked on VoteSource, but see below for how to report.

A number of associations have decided to remain on MERLIN. For these seats, donors giving over £500 to the Association, or over £50 directly to a candidate, must be checked on MERLIN, but only after you have explicitly been told by the Helpdesk that your MERLIN is being rolled over to the new register. If in doubt about your MERLIN’s status, please email XXXXXX@conservatives.com, or to check donors email their name and address to XXXXXX@conservatives.com

Donation reporting functionality will be added to VoteSource soon. Until then, donations over £500 must be recorded on the attached spreadsheet. We will, as usual, send a spreadsheet at the end of the quarter** showing any donations that reach us through MERLIN, but otherwise this sheet should be your main reporting form. For the password, please call us on 020 7x XXX XXX

Remember that donations for January to March will need to be reported by 10 April, ie in the middle of the peak of campaigning, and so we strongly recommend that you update this sheet as and when you receive donations in order to avoid extra stress in April. Donations that are being made directly to a candidate or the election agent account are subject to the £50 threshold for checks, and are listed on the return of election expenses INSTEAD of reporting to us.

The Helpdesk will announce when donation functionality is available in VoteSource, but until then if you have any donation or reporting queries please do not hesitate to contact us: XXXXXXX@conservatives.com, 020 7XXX XXXX

* In Scotland, registers are not due to be updated until 10 March.

** Donations checked between 1 January and 30 March will be emailed to the association office on 11 April.

There are a lot of rather irate agents out there, facing a load more hassle.

Peer: ISIS Gains “Entirely Due” to WhatsApp or Snapchat

In a moment of admirable honesty while scrutinising the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill, former defence secretary Tom King admitted that while he’s not a tweeter and he does not know about WhatsApp and Snapchat, he is certain that “the terrorists and jihadists do”:

So certain is Lord King of the terrorists’ prowess with WhatsApp and Snapchat, that he believes the reason for ISIL’s advance across Iraq and Syria was entirely down to the teenage sexting apps:

“It includes the use of things that not all your Lordships—that certainly includes me—are masters of. I am not a tweeter. We have Facebook and Twitter. Somebody tried to explain WhatsApp to me; somebody else tried to explain Snapchat. I do not know about them, but it is absolutely clear that the terrorists and jihadists do. The understanding is that part of the reason for ISIL’s amazing advance across Syria and into Iraq was that their communications were so good and the way they kept together was entirely due to one or other of the last two systems that I mentioned, which they handled with great intelligence.”

 This message will self destruct in 10, 9, 8….

Tories Deny Photoshopping Miliband to Make Him Look Fat

Tory sources deny any manipulation of Ed’s face to make him look fatter on their new poster.

We report, you decide…

UPDATE:

This is the source image, via Getty:

UPDATE II:

[gigya src=”https://abfiles.s3.amazonaws.com/swf/audioboom_default_player_v1.swf” style=”background-color:transparent; display:block; min-width:300px; max-width:700px;” flashvars=”image_option=small&imgURL=https%3A%2F%2Fd15mj6e6qmt1na.cloudfront.net%2Fi%2F12591067%2F300x300%2Fc&link_color=%2358d1eb&mp3Author=LBC&mp3Duration=104929.0&mp3LinkURL=https%3A%2F%2Faudioboom.com%2Fboos%2F2823963-grant-shapps-admits-tories-photoshopped-ed-miliband-poster-to-make-him-look-weird&mp3Time=04.30pm+23+Jan+2015&mp3Title=Grant+Shapps+admits+Tories+photoshopped+Ed+Miliband+poster+to+make+him+look+weird.&mp3URL=https%3A%2F%2Faudioboom.com%2Fboos%2F2823963-grant-shapps-admits-tories-photoshopped-ed-miliband-poster-to-make-him-look-weird.mp3%3Fsource%3Dwordpress&player_theme=light&rootID=boo_player_1&show_title=true&waveimgURL=https%3A%2F%2Fd15mj6e6qmt1na.cloudfront.net%2Fi%2Fw%2F1817387″ width=”480″ height=”150″ allowFullScreen=”true” wmode=”transparent”]

The Tory chairman tells Iain Dale:

“This is clearly a mocked up poster and so clearly it’s a bit of Photoshop work.”

New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm

king road

Following the death King Abdullah this morning, the newly appointed absolute monarch of Saudi Arabia King Salman has waited no time in doing what all good employees should – updating his online presence. Within hours of his brothers death, Google has changed the name of Prince Salman Road in Riyadh to King Salman Road.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Shadow Education Secretary Angela Rayner:

“We have no plans to write off existing student debt.”

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