It seems Chris Philp let his temper get the better of him in the Commons yesterday. After (reluctantly) yielding his time at the despatch box, Guido thought he heard the Under Secretary for Justice mutter something less than respectful of the Speaker under his breath. The audio is slightly muffled, so Guido asks: what do you think he said?

As reported in The Times this morning, Sir Lindsay’s parliamentary prohibition is set to come to an end tomorrow as two Commons dining outlets – Adjournment and the Members’ Dining Room – will resume selling alcohol to MPs who purchase a substantial meal. Given the ongoing discourse around what constitutes a “substantial meal” Guido checked the MP menu offerings and spotted that Portcullis House’s Adjournment diner menu does includes Scotch Eggs.

Despite today’s No. 10 press briefing for the Lobby refusing a definitive answer during seven minutes of questioning on whether the food constitutes a substantial meal, the House of Commons press office is much more clear-cut, telling Guido:

“A person has to order a main course for it to be counted as substantial.”

Looks like MPs will have to force themselves to order themselves taxpayer-subsidised steak to enjoy their discounted booze…

The Leader of the House of Commons is in for a rough ride this afternoon as he is expected to face a hostile reception from opposition MPs who reject the great British institution of queuing. As Guido depicted yesterday, if 400 MPs queue in a socially distant way, the line would stretch almost a kilometre. Last night a Commons briefing note described how the (optimistically estimated) 30-minute process will work:

• MPs line up and vote in the chamber, either side of the Speaker’s chair, rather than the voting lobbies.
• MPs will file down the left-hand side of the Table to vote Aye, and the right to vote No.
• Four tellers will be in place behind the speaker’s chair to count the votes.
• As with swearing in, this process will be broadcast live. Keen viewers will be able to calculate the results of divisions before the Speaker does…

Members have consequently been advised that “when you are near the front of the queue you should be aware that what you say may be audible”. Spoilsports.

A storm is brewing, however, over vulnerable MPs who are shielding at home and who want to vote. Shielding Tory Rob Halfon is mounting a campaign to extend the proxy voting available to MPs on maternity leave to those who are shielding as well. Guido hears that the Government may be receptive to this argument. One to watch at 13:30…

The Commons returned from Easter recess today in the strangest of circumstances, with the few MPs in attendance observing new tape on the floors, rows of benches blocked off, and prayers cards replaced with ticks and crosses. Ress-Mogg admitted to already having been told off for getting too close to Sir Lindsay…

As Guido reported last week, plans for a ‘hybrid’ virtual House of Commons have now been revealed, allowing up to 50 MPs in the Chamber following strict social distancing rules, with a further 120 MPs at any one time being able to take part in proceedings virtually. Controversial app Zoom has been chosen as the video communication tool of choice for MPs to use…

This is despite a number of security concerns, not least about user data being routed through China or personal email addresses being leaked to other users, being raised about the app. As a result of the controversy companies and Governments have begun to advise it is not used…

• Google banned employees last week to not use Zoom any more
• The US Senate has told its members not to hold meetings over the app
• Siemens told its employees not to use Zoom
• New York City Department of Education has banned it over ‘Zoom bombing’ where uninvited guests gain access to and join calls that were meant to be private.
• Taiwan banned any government authorities from using Zoom, as University of Toronto researchers found that Zoom traffic was being routed through China.
• Indian Government banned Zoom “for use by government employees for official purposes.”
• Singapore banned teachers from using Zoom

Most of Zoom’s product development personnel are based in China, where it has some 700 staff. Presumably given the proceeding of Parliament are in public, the Chinese Communist Party listening in is not deemed a risk…

Speaker Lindsay Hoyle updated the House today on new rules to deal with Coronavirus. Guido has compiled a handy list:

• Parliament advises members and staff to work remotely where possible
• Social distancing in the chamber
• Video conferencing for committee proceedings being worked on as a matter of priority over the Easter Recess.
• Number of catering areas have been closed. Only the tea room, terrace cafeteria, members, debate, and dispatch box, remain open. Social distancing is being implemented in the venues and takeaway options encouraged.
• Sale of alcohol in House of Commons has been ended.
• Divisions will now have staggered alphabetical entry for members. A division may now take between 30 and 40 minutes to take place in this way.
• Members must think twice before putting down multiple questions.
• Further changes may be needed.

The Commons continues trying to limp on as the country shuts down…