Mad Menthol Ban Plan Highlights EU Sham

Bonkers EU kill-joys have banned menthol cigarettes. Guido was going to get angry about this until he realised the ban will come into force in 2022.

Does anyone really think that the EU will still exist then in its current draconian, sprawling, incompetent form?

Or if it does, that Britain will be a part of it?

Festivals Drug Free As Nation’s Youth Take Labour MP’s Advice

Or not. Shadow Home Office minister Diana Johnson is in full mum mode this morning, warning young revellers:

“Enjoy the music, but don’t play roulette with your health. My message is simple: if you’re going to a music festival enjoy the music and hope for some sun, but don’t risk your life with a pill.”

Clearly Diana doesn’t want anyone to experience anything more exciting than Tom Watson’s “fragmentary moments of pure music joy in a field in Glastonbury falling in love with a bloke barely in his twenties playing the guitar like a mid-west cyclone”. Wonder what she thinks about votes for 16-year-olds…

Naked Bodybuilder Took Ecstasy on Angela Merkel’s Jet

Guido ran out of time to do this yesterday, but it is well worth coming back to. Wearing nothing but his underpants, Turkish bodybuilder ‘Volkan T’ managed to sneak his way onto Angela Merkel’s empty government jet clutching a bag of marijuana and a handful of ecstasy pills, proceeding to hold what by all accounts sounds like a spectacular party-for-one. He even released the inflatable emergency slide. Angela must be kicking herself she missed out…

Plain Packs Whacked

Good news reported in the Sun this morning: Dave is ditching the nannying plans for plain cigarette packaging. Like minimum pricing, it was probably doomed from the start; plain packs would have cost the Treasury billions, alienated the half a million who said “hands off our packs” and was opposed by MPs of all parties. March’s Guardian scoop on the subject, will remain an exclusive…

Boozed Up BBC Partygoers Go Out With a Bang

20130328-085132.jpg Copious booze, staff nicking mementos and partygoers scoring in the studios; the Beeb’s Television Centre goodbye party sounds like a night to remember. Or, more likely, forget:

Meanwhile today half the hacks in the BBC’s swanky new studio are on strike over job cuts. Happy Easter weekend…

Eric Joyce Staffer Martin Brown Knocked Woman to GroundMP Reacted Angrily When Told His Friend Arrested

ERIC-JOYCE-MARTIN-BROWN

Guido has spoken to witnesses about last night’s fracas, this is what he has pieced together from various accounts.

At about 10.15 pm last night Eric Joyce’s researcher Martin Brown (pictured on the right above) exchanged words with Louise (an MP’s researcher, whose surname is known to Guido) outside the Sports and Social in the area where people smoke in the Commons Inner Court. In the ensuing altercation Louise was knocked to the ground.

alex-cruz-vidal

Alex Cruz Vidal (pictured, right), a researcher for deputy speaker Nigel Evans, intervened to protect Louise and restrain Martin Brown by wrestling him to the ground and sitting on him. The administrator of the Sports & Social came out and with Alex’s help manhandled a shocked Martin Brown into the bar’s little cupboard sized office and locked him inside until the police arrived. Police came to arrest Brown and Eric Joyce showed up shouting at the cops.

Joyce – who had already been involved in some argie-bargie in the Sports and Social earlier that night – is said to have arrived at the scene and reacted angrily to being told by a copper about the incident – he pushed the copper, who came back to restrain him, whereupon Joycey threw a punch at the copper. At this point another copper joined in to restrain him, resulting in the Honourable Member for Falkirk ending up on the floor being handcuffed before being taken away into the back of a police van.

By this time there was a large crowd and around a dozen policemen outside the Sports & Social – including PoliticsHome’s Tony Grew – who only saw the second altercation involving Joyce not the original altercation involving Martin Brown that kicked the whole thing off. Police closed the Sports & Social and the Strangers Bar early…

Police have this morning contacted those witnesses who had their names taken last night, to tell them they will be required to give full statements in due course. Charges will almost certainly follow…

Coincidentally Joyce’s 12-month community order for his last brawl expired six days ago. Two things that are clearly reinforced by this brawl; we need to end the obscene taxpayer subsidy that means the Commons bars are the cheapest pubs in Central London, secondly we need a real power of MPs’ recall. As we were promised by the coalition parties after the expenses scandal…

Pope 265 is Live

pope265-is-live

Urbi et Orbi time, baby!

Clegg-nam Style: Deputy PM Mimics Korean Pop Star's Moves

During his keynote speech at Lib Dem conference this weekend Clegg seemed to do some K-pop moves:

clegg-nam

This genius observation was made by the Daily Mail’s Francesca Infante.

The Guy Newsroom salutes you Francesca…

UPDATE:

Join Guido at the YBF Rally, Then Fatboy Slim

Guido is off to parliament to speak at the ultrasound Young Britons’ Foundation rally this evening. Afterwards he is hoping to gatecrash Fatboy Slim’s charity DJ set at the Terrace bar.

Right here, right now – could hardly be more appropriate for YBF…

Poll: Majority Want Cannabis Decriminalised

Before Christmas the PM rejected calls for a royal commission on drugs, arguing somewhat unfeasibly that the current policy was “working”. Despite that Clegg has moved in the right direction coming out as pro-liberalisation, packing off Jeremy Browne “Sugar” to Amsterdam on an, ahem, “fact-finding mission”. Tonight a new Ipsos Mori poll shows that 53% support either the legalisation or decriminalisation of cannabis.

Two thirds want a review of all policy options, rather encouragingly that figure increases to 70% among Conservative supporters. A Portuguese-style decriminalisation of drugs is also backed by just under half of the population. Dave is resisting the British public’s freedom to party…

Right Here, Right Now, In Parliament Fat Boy Slim to DJ Westminster

Guido is preparing to relive his more youthful days as Fat Boy Slim is playing in Parliament on 6 March, thanks to the Last Night A DJ Saved My Life Foundation. Norman Cook is excited too: “I’ve played some exciting and unique places around the world from Bondi Beach to The Great Wall of China to an Igloo but playing in the House of Commons might be the most unique to date.” See you at the “House The House” event. Sorted.

Two Faced Chuka’s Christmas Message

If you take a stroll  past Chuka Umunna’s constituency office in Streatham today, you are greeted by this message:

And where is their saviour when you need him?

His villa in Ibiza perhaps? 

No, in fact he’s hosting another one of his parties tonight for media types instead of being there for his constituents. The only problem is that it seems not many of them want to go and the city agency that Umunna has outsourced running his party to are starting to flap:

That’s what happens when you try to be all things to all people…

Browne Sugar LibDem’s ‘Fact-Finding Mission’ to Amsterdam

BROWNE

Coming out as pro-liberalisation if not pro-drugs legalisation, at least Nick Clegg is moving in the right direction this morning. There is much talk in Westminster, surely not rooted in jealously, of his announcement that Jeremy Browne will be sent on an all-expenses paid “fact-finding mission” to Amsterdam, Portugal and Latin America. The Home Office minister will be, ahem, researching the effects of liberal drugs policies in these countries. At least that’s what he is telling his boss…

Gaza’s Aqua Park has Been Destroyed

The Crazy Water Park, which was at the heart of Gaza’s vibrant tourist scene, has been destroyed by fire. Gazans used to be able to swim and relax by the pools and there were water slides for the young children. It was a happy place once but the Middle East News Watch reports:

“40 gunmen tied up and blindfolded a nightwatchman before setting fire to an administrative building and restaurant. The fire engulfed different parts of the club, including an administrative building, and then spread to the main restaurant and cafeteria, which is three storeys high.”

No, this was not the repressive IDF attacking the strip, it was Hamas terrorists who were outraged that the park had “hosted parties in which men and women mingled.” Nice bunch.

Rest in Peace – Prince Roy of Sealand “I might die young or old, but I will never die of boredom”

Farewell then Prince Roy of Sealand, leader of the free micro-state based seven miles off of Suffolk coast. The pirate radio guru,  former British Army Major and libertarian poster-boy Paddy Roy Bates has died aged 91. Prince Roy seized Sealand in 1967, and declared it an independent nation in 1975. After various coups and run-ins with the British Navy, Sealand was finally recognised as a nation after the Germans sent a hostage negotiator to the 5,920sq ft former civil war fort after an attempted coup in 1978.

After broadcasting pirate radio across the south-east of England, the principality has latterly made its money out of hosting servers and selling titles to the likes of Neo-Guido, a Baron of the free-land. Prince Roy is succeeded, after a minor power struggle with Princess Joan, by Michael, the new regent and head of state. There could be a challenge though by one Johannes Seiger who is head of the shadow Sealandic Rebel Government, based in Germany, since his father was forced out after the failed coup of ’78.

A major film is in production about the nation’s history, until then Guido will leave you with the motto of this concrete paradise: “E Mare Libertas”

Evan Harris Actually on Drugs

If you missed the much-maligned Professor David Nutt on Radio 4 this morning, then Guido would highly recommend catching up on the interview here. His research into using drugs like ecstasy and magic mushrooms to treat depression or to allow victims of trauma to open up about their experiences was fascinating. It’s now emerged that former LibDem MP Evan Harris will be taking party in Nutt’s Channel Four show which will look at the effects of MDMA. The usual crowd are shocked and appalled that a former MP will be dropping a bean live on TV. Guido had always presumed Evan Harris was on drugs anyway…

Lobbyists, Wonks and Tories Mingling at the Russian Embassy Conservative Friends of Russia Launch Party

Last night Guido infiltrated the Russian Embassy for the Conservative Friends of Russia launch party. The vodka was flowing as lobbyists, businessmen, wonks and Conservative MPs mingled with Russian diplomats and pals of Putin. Guido gathers that the decision to set up Conservative Friends of Russia was not taken lightly, with the Tory hierarchy expressing concerns that the group was being established the week after the Pussy Riot girls were imprisoned. Perhaps that was why the advertised keynote speaker Malcolm Rifkind didn’t show…

Replacing Rifkind was John Whittingdale, who awkwardly noted that “sometimes our country will not agree with your country, and sometimes your country will not agree with ours“. With the pleasantries dealt with the Russian Standard booze was wheeled out and tongues were loosened. One champagne-swilling Russian reader told Guido that he would be locked up if he ever decided to relocate the blog to the motherland…

UPDATE: CFoR have got in touch claiming that Rifkind is in Scotland and was never due to speak at the event. Despite being their Honorary President

UPDATE II:  Guido has independently confirmed that Rifkind was in Edinburgh yesterday and was never intended to be there.

Labour MP’s Meow Son Skips Court

A Labour MP’s son charged with selling legal highs has failed to turn up at court…because he was on holiday. Sean Ellman, the son of Liverpool MP Louise Ellman, was supposed to appear in the dock yesterday but his barrister told the court he was abroad with his “respectable family“.

The irony was not lost on the judge, who described the excuse as “utterly unacceptable“.

Meow… 

Video: Dave Ain’t Got the Moves Like Johnson

There was only ever going to be one winner…

UPDATE: The soulless killjoys at the IOC have demanded the video of BoJo’s finest hour be removed from YouTube, so here’s a gif instead…

Mensch on Drugs

Louise Mensch admitted on Question Time last night that using Class A drugs had “messed with her brain“. Guido would never have guessed…

Via @liarpoliticians.
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Tory MP Nick Boles says what everyone thinks…

“There is a timidity and lack of ambition about Mrs May’s Government which means it constantly disappoints. Time to raise your game, Prime Minister.”

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