Rich's Monday Morning ViewBalls Owes Office to Coke Sniffin' Rev

You had to wonder what they were smoking over at the Co-op, and now you know. It was crystal meth…

Ed Balls did not have a very good weekend either. Not only was he publicly described as a “nightmare” by Team Miliband (albeit accidentally), the Shadow Chancellor would have been sweating about the Co-op story. Doing all that gear after his Select Committee appearance was not the only bad life choice that Rev Flowers has made recently. As the Telegraph reported at the beginning of the month:

“Rev Flowers confirmed he had been involved in authorising the payment of £100,000 to Mr Balls and his Parliamentary office, though he said the money had come from the Co-op Group and not the Co-op Bank as the lender was “politically neutral”.”

What was it that first attracted this coke snorting, meth buying, fiscally incompetent cluster of a banking boss to Ed Balls? And lets not forget that Labour owe the Co-op millions. You have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.

BANKING BAD: Co-Op Boss Caught Buying Coke & Crystal Meth

Mail on Sunday scoop in full hereYou had to wonder what they were smoking at the Co-Op, and now we know…

Natalie Rowe Claims She Met Osborne’s Fiancée

One more.

Eventually Osborne’s friendship with Natalie Rowe comes to an end, with her claiming she met his then fiancée:

My pregnancy also changed the dynamics between me and my three musketeers. George became quite caring towards me. It was a particularly cold winter and sometimes George sat with me, cosy on the sofa in Redcliffe Square and rubbed my pregnant tummy – even when other people were there. George was self-conscious of his figure – he would wear loose clothes to try and hide his belly, which was a bit flabby and spongy. Every now and then I’d comment: “Why are you wearing this? To hide your jelly-belly?” and would reach over and rub it playfully. I really appreciated George’s friendship because the pregnancy wasn’t smooth. At five months, I started to dilate and have contractions – and there was some bleeding. I rushed to the hospital and doctors put a stitch at the neck of my womb to stop labour. It was a risky move but if the baby had arrived then he wouldn’t have lived. The procedure worked and so I still held out hopes of giving birth to a healthy child. Then George got engaged to Frances, his future wife. I found out when I was at Chris’s place in Pembridge Villas, Notting Hill. William was on a bender at the time and Chris and George were there with a woman whom I didn’t know. I had no idea she was George’s fiancée. We did not get on at all. Thanks to George she knew what I did and asked about my escort services. She was hostile, full of disdain for me and jealous of how friendly George and I were. Afterwards George asked: “What do you think of her?” “What do you mean?” My face told the story. He didn’t ask anything more. George was obviously making plans for his future, to become respectable. He’d certainly been privy to some wild times in his youth; not least of which would have been the infamous Bullingdon Club parties.

Osborne has not commented about the book, though his lawyers told the Mirror that Rowe was an unreliable witness. In the past he has claimed:

“A friend of mine went out with a woman called Natalie and they had a child together. I met them occasionally in the autumn of 1993 and it soon became clear my friend had started to use drugs. He became more and more addicted and I saw his life fall apart. With his other friends I tried to persuade him to seek treatment. After rehabilitation he has now recovered and put his life back together.”

So he’s not “Joe”. Got that?

Foot Long Lines and Osborne’s “Shared Experiences”

More from Natalie Rowe’s book. Here is what she alleges the Chancellor’s set were up to in the early 90s:

“All the boys had the hots for coke fiend Peggy, she was so much fun and up for anything, even if she spent most of her time on another planet. They all knew how much she loved coke and so one night William, who was an out-and-out drug and drink fiend, cut a wide line that was a foot long. “Snort that and I’ll give you £ 100!” William said. “I’ll do it!” Cheers went up from the crowd. I was the only one to sound a note of caution. “For god’s sake Peggy, don’t do it, you’ll do yourself an injury.” She ignored me, bent down and started snorting as the men chanted “Pegg-y! Pegg-y! Pegg-y!” as if it were a drinking game. She finished the line but her triumph left her near-comatose, speechless and cross-eyed for the rest of the night.”

 

And then they found out what Rowe did for a living:

“I let them in and told them to wait., forgetting about the domination gear. When I got back William was pretending to whip George, while Chris was sword fighting with the cane. “What’s all this Nat?” Chris asked. I smiled. Confession time. “I’m a dominatrix.” They were impressed. “Tell us what you get up to!” So I told them some stories about clients. They bombarded me with questions. “So how much do you charge?” George asked me. “It depends on a few things, on their pain threshold, how much work is involved, and so on but there’s a basic rate to start.” They loved to hear what was going on and I enjoyed telling them. They certainly hadn’t met anyone like me before. The trio started to hang around in the flat while I was working and would sometimes even meet clients after they’d been through a session. They’d chat together with them about domination over a drink. George really enjoyed this; it was as if he was sharing in their experience with me.”

Still no news on the identity of “Joe”

Gold: Sensitive George Dancing and Brawling to Spandeu Ballet

According to Natalie Rowe’s memoirs, George Osborne used to be quite the dancer:

“The three musketeers were proper little ravers and loved to go clubbing. When George got tipsy, he lost his reserve and wanted to dance (I have a photo of him dancing at a party at my flat). He was a terrible dancer but wasn’t alone. I used to cringe when we went clubbing with the three musketeers and their friends. I couldn’t bring myself to share the dancefloor with them – just imagine tipsy public schoolboys at a disco doing robot impressions. The higher they got, the better they thought they were. George loved We Could Be Heroes by David Bowie and the three musketeers would sing it together top of their voices on the dance floor. George also adored Gold by Spandau Ballet. George didn’t have much of dress sense, neither did he make an effort to dress up – he just wore jeans and T-shirt.”

Yet he was sensitive:

“Although George never once said anything like: “I really hate what they’re saying,” at the time (I suppose he thought he’d be better off saving his energy – there was no chance of him making them stop), he was the most upset of the three and this made me feel close to him. Perhaps George was more upset because some of his acquaintances were racist towards Jews (George, who is Jewish, was christened Gideon and changed his name when he was a teenager to ‘fit in’). They’d say, “Shut up you f**king Jew,” to describe anyone they thought was being stingy. When we were alone George told me he couldn’t understand why I was with William; he said we just weren’t compatible.”

A fighter, not a quitter:

“I went and sat with George on the sofa. George couldn’t hold his own in conversation with his peers, which is why we ended up talking a lot together – we would share the fact that we didn’t have a clue, nor were we interested in what the others were going on about – arts, politics and the social shenanigans of the landed gentry. We were passing comment on somebody at the party when I leant over to whisper something to him and playfully licked his ear. William appeared. He’d seen what was going on and was pissed off. “What are you guys talking about?” he asked angrily. “Calm down William,” George said. “You’re letting your paranoia get the better of you.” The argument escalated quickly. When George tried to stand up William pushed him back down into the sofa. George then made a grab for William and they started tussling with one another. As I leapt out of the way the sofa tipped over and they rolled out onto the floor, still fighting – although it was the hugging-and-rolling type rather than the punching-and-kicking kind of fight. I thought it was hilarious. “Come on, stop it, this is ridiculous!” By the time they’d calmed down and made up, nobody had thrown a punch.”

More to come…

Osborne: the Naked “Son of a Curtain Salesman”

The Chancellor is only commenting through his lawyers – who dismiss Natalie Rowe as a dodgy witness – but the former hooker from that photo has her book out today. Guido will bring you some key extracts today, suitable for a family blog.

Their first meeting:

“Chris met George Osborne while at Oxford; they were both members of the infamous Bullingdon Club. By the time I started seeing William, the three of them were close friends and often turned up at my place together. I called them my ‘Three Musketeers’. Individually, William was ‘Willie Wonka’, George was ‘Georgie Porgie’ and Chris was ‘Christopher Robin’. George first arrived at my place with Chris, along with his friend Philip Delves Broughton, a writer for the New York Times. George was an attractive 22-year-old and it was immediately clear that girls considered him to be highly eligible – they were always vying for his attention. I thought he was quite good-looking but much preferred William. At this time George didn’t show any signs of the defiant character he went on to display as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Chris and William teased him about his background, that he was the “son of a curtain salesman” (his father is the co-founder of Osborne & Little, the fabric and wallpaper designers) and because he didn’t go to Eton. George took it without complaint; he had this ‘look’ he would give me that said ‘How pathetic are they?’”

Osborne gets naked:

“On one particularly drunken evening at my flat in Prince of Wales Terrace, I made a bet with George, Chris and William that they would strip off naked, run out the door, down the street to a building that was fifty metres away and back again. The first one back would get a ‘prize’. Eventually, after a bit of cajoling, the three of them agreed, stripped off and waited by the front door. “Ready?” I said, my hand on the door handle. “Set… Go!” I threw open the door and off they ran down the front steps, bottoms wobbling as they pounded down the street. And, of course, I locked the door and went back inside. I watched as they came running back, cheering them on. They all arrived more or less at the same time and couldn’t believe what I’d done to them. “Please let me back in!” the future Chancellor of the Exchequer pleaded. They all begged, hands over their willies, and I just watched, laughing. I laughed so much that I collapsed and thought I might even wee myself. Luckily for them, my building was in a quiet cul-de-sac. I gave them a good few minutes, which must have seemed like hours, god knows what any passer-by would have made of three naked men standing in the street. Finally, when I’d decided they’d had enough, I let them back in. They loved it and were all laughing afterwards – they’d enjoyed the joke.”

Rowe is very clear that the character of “Joe”, a young politician with the safe word “Mary” is not Osborne.

Though regular readers will remember the word “Louise” from a while back…

Pot Protesters Smoke Up Outside Parliament

Legalise marijuana protesters are lighting up spliffs on College Green and you can smell them from a mile off:

There are no police around so see you down there.

Bring snacks.

Photo via Robert Oxley

UPDATE: A co-conspirator sends this from the scene:

Mad Menthol Ban Plan Highlights EU Sham

Bonkers EU kill-joys have banned menthol cigarettes. Guido was going to get angry about this until he realised the ban will come into force in 2022.

Does anyone really think that the EU will still exist then in its current draconian, sprawling, incompetent form?

Or if it does, that Britain will be a part of it?

Festivals Drug Free As Nation’s Youth Take Labour MP’s Advice

Or not. Shadow Home Office minister Diana Johnson is in full mum mode this morning, warning young revellers:

“Enjoy the music, but don’t play roulette with your health. My message is simple: if you’re going to a music festival enjoy the music and hope for some sun, but don’t risk your life with a pill.”

Clearly Diana doesn’t want anyone to experience anything more exciting than Tom Watson’s “fragmentary moments of pure music joy in a field in Glastonbury falling in love with a bloke barely in his twenties playing the guitar like a mid-west cyclone”. Wonder what she thinks about votes for 16-year-olds…

Naked Bodybuilder Took Ecstasy on Angela Merkel’s Jet

Guido ran out of time to do this yesterday, but it is well worth coming back to. Wearing nothing but his underpants, Turkish bodybuilder ‘Volkan T’ managed to sneak his way onto Angela Merkel’s empty government jet clutching a bag of marijuana and a handful of ecstasy pills, proceeding to hold what by all accounts sounds like a spectacular party-for-one. He even released the inflatable emergency slide. Angela must be kicking herself she missed out…

Plain Packs Whacked

Good news reported in the Sun this morning: Dave is ditching the nannying plans for plain cigarette packaging. Like minimum pricing, it was probably doomed from the start; plain packs would have cost the Treasury billions, alienated the half a million who said “hands off our packs” and was opposed by MPs of all parties. March’s Guardian scoop on the subject, will remain an exclusive…

Boozed Up BBC Partygoers Go Out With a Bang

20130328-085132.jpg Copious booze, staff nicking mementos and partygoers scoring in the studios; the Beeb’s Television Centre goodbye party sounds like a night to remember. Or, more likely, forget:

Meanwhile today half the hacks in the BBC’s swanky new studio are on strike over job cuts. Happy Easter weekend…

Eric Joyce Staffer Martin Brown Knocked Woman to GroundMP Reacted Angrily When Told His Friend Arrested

ERIC-JOYCE-MARTIN-BROWN

Guido has spoken to witnesses about last night’s fracas, this is what he has pieced together from various accounts.

At about 10.15 pm last night Eric Joyce’s researcher Martin Brown (pictured on the right above) exchanged words with Louise (an MP’s researcher, whose surname is known to Guido) outside the Sports and Social in the area where people smoke in the Commons Inner Court. In the ensuing altercation Louise was knocked to the ground.

alex-cruz-vidal

Alex Cruz Vidal (pictured, right), a researcher for deputy speaker Nigel Evans, intervened to protect Louise and restrain Martin Brown by wrestling him to the ground and sitting on him. The administrator of the Sports & Social came out and with Alex’s help manhandled a shocked Martin Brown into the bar’s little cupboard sized office and locked him inside until the police arrived. Police came to arrest Brown and Eric Joyce showed up shouting at the cops.

Joyce – who had already been involved in some argie-bargie in the Sports and Social earlier that night – is said to have arrived at the scene and reacted angrily to being told by a copper about the incident – he pushed the copper, who came back to restrain him, whereupon Joycey threw a punch at the copper. At this point another copper joined in to restrain him, resulting in the Honourable Member for Falkirk ending up on the floor being handcuffed before being taken away into the back of a police van.

By this time there was a large crowd and around a dozen policemen outside the Sports & Social – including PoliticsHome’s Tony Grew – who only saw the second altercation involving Joyce not the original altercation involving Martin Brown that kicked the whole thing off. Police closed the Sports & Social and the Strangers Bar early…

Police have this morning contacted those witnesses who had their names taken last night, to tell them they will be required to give full statements in due course. Charges will almost certainly follow…

Coincidentally Joyce’s 12-month community order for his last brawl expired six days ago. Two things that are clearly reinforced by this brawl; we need to end the obscene taxpayer subsidy that means the Commons bars are the cheapest pubs in Central London, secondly we need a real power of MPs’ recall. As we were promised by the coalition parties after the expenses scandal…

Pope 265 is Live

pope265-is-live

Urbi et Orbi time, baby!

Clegg-nam Style: Deputy PM Mimics Korean Pop Star's Moves

During his keynote speech at Lib Dem conference this weekend Clegg seemed to do some K-pop moves:

clegg-nam

This genius observation was made by the Daily Mail’s Francesca Infante.

The Guy Newsroom salutes you Francesca…

UPDATE:

Join Guido at the YBF Rally, Then Fatboy Slim

Guido is off to parliament to speak at the ultrasound Young Britons’ Foundation rally this evening. Afterwards he is hoping to gatecrash Fatboy Slim’s charity DJ set at the Terrace bar.

Right here, right now – could hardly be more appropriate for YBF…

Poll: Majority Want Cannabis Decriminalised

Before Christmas the PM rejected calls for a royal commission on drugs, arguing somewhat unfeasibly that the current policy was “working”. Despite that Clegg has moved in the right direction coming out as pro-liberalisation, packing off Jeremy Browne “Sugar” to Amsterdam on an, ahem, “fact-finding mission”. Tonight a new Ipsos Mori poll shows that 53% support either the legalisation or decriminalisation of cannabis.

Two thirds want a review of all policy options, rather encouragingly that figure increases to 70% among Conservative supporters. A Portuguese-style decriminalisation of drugs is also backed by just under half of the population. Dave is resisting the British public’s freedom to party…

Right Here, Right Now, In Parliament Fat Boy Slim to DJ Westminster

Guido is preparing to relive his more youthful days as Fat Boy Slim is playing in Parliament on 6 March, thanks to the Last Night A DJ Saved My Life Foundation. Norman Cook is excited too: “I’ve played some exciting and unique places around the world from Bondi Beach to The Great Wall of China to an Igloo but playing in the House of Commons might be the most unique to date.” See you at the “House The House” event. Sorted.

Two Faced Chuka’s Christmas Message

If you take a stroll  past Chuka Umunna’s constituency office in Streatham today, you are greeted by this message:

And where is their saviour when you need him?

His villa in Ibiza perhaps? 

No, in fact he’s hosting another one of his parties tonight for media types instead of being there for his constituents. The only problem is that it seems not many of them want to go and the city agency that Umunna has outsourced running his party to are starting to flap:

That’s what happens when you try to be all things to all people…

Browne Sugar LibDem’s ‘Fact-Finding Mission’ to Amsterdam

BROWNE

Coming out as pro-liberalisation if not pro-drugs legalisation, at least Nick Clegg is moving in the right direction this morning. There is much talk in Westminster, surely not rooted in jealously, of his announcement that Jeremy Browne will be sent on an all-expenses paid “fact-finding mission” to Amsterdam, Portugal and Latin America.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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