Sad-Disco Sausage Fest

Young Labour activists were promised some night fever on Friday evening as their mayoral candidate vowed to cut some shapes at a “Sadisqco” party at Bankside. Yet just eight people had turned up by the time Khan arrived. All of them blokes.

More like a Sad-disco.

UPDATE: Sadiq allies get in touch to insist that at least 16 people turned up, including four girls.

Another U-Turn: Poppers Unbanned

Victory for Crispin Blunt as Home Office minister Karen Bradley confirms that the government no longer considers poppers a psychoactive drug:

“I understand that the Council has now advanced its understanding of the psychoactivity of the alkyl nitrites group under the Act and concluded that only substances that directly stimulate or depress the central nervous system are psychoactive under the Act. Having given due consideration, the Government agrees with your advice and interpretation of the definition. We do so in the understanding that “poppers” have these unique indirect effects. Our understanding is that this approach does not have any further implications for the operation of the Act and that other substances that the Act intends to cover are not affected.”

That sound you can hear coming from the parliamentary estate: “Wooooooooooooooo!”

Leadsom and Mordaunt Woo Outers Over Wine

Since he declared for Leave the odds on Boris joining Osborne in a leadership final have shortened, with ambitious colleagues jostling for position. Andrea Leadsom and Penny Mordaunt have both previously been tipped to mount leadership bids, they are both Outers who help run the intriguing ‘Fresh Start’ group of Tory MPs. Curiously the duo have begun hosting weekly drinks dos with Tory backbenchers, inviting “colleagues who are on the ‘leave’ side of the EU debate” to an “informal drop in each Monday evening” at Penny’s office. The “regular” 90 minute long sessions “over a glass of wine” have been a convenient opportunity to woo colleagues, while Leadsom is also having backbenchers round for drinkies at her swish Tufton Court residence. Tonight Penny and Andrea have arranged for Vote Leave to give a talk about strategy and answer questions, naturally “wine and snacks will be served”Boris’ operation, run by Ben Wallace and Nigel Adams, is famously lacking punch…

Strictly Cymru Dancing: Leanne Wood’s Wonderful Waltz

Plaid leader Leanne Wood – her off the TV debates – did a rather lovely bit of ballroom during her Strictly Cymru Dancing fundraiser this weekend. It would’ve got a ten from Len!

Tequila Scammers: Lansman’s Late Night Secret Election

Momentum is supposedly a grassroots organisation run by the people, for the people. So how do they elect their national representatives? Meet Frankie Leach, a 19 year-old International Politics student at Manchester Met. Frankie is also a Momentum activist who spent Saturday night boozing with the group’s boss Jon Lansman.

She tweeted at 1:06 a.m.
tweet 1With picture evidence (that’s Lansman on the right):

tweet 2

3 minutes later at 1:09 a.m., congratulations were in order:
tweet 3

Guido has no idea what happened in those three minutes, but lefty sources claim Lansman went from a tequila slammer to a sham of an election. Just what did the 58 year old silver fox, who appears to drink cider and black, see in Frankie?

Junior Doctors Jet Off on Cut-Price Val d’Isere Junket

Just as well junior doctors called off the second of their three planned strikes, scheduled for this week, because hundreds of them are jetting off to Val d’Isere today. Over the next 72 hours doctors are attending their annual winter conference, which has been held at the premier French ski resort for years. The good news is there are still 133 last-minute tickets left for doctors-in-training, at a reduced rate of £330. Medical students qualify for concessions at £210. It is even tax deductible if attendees present an eight-minute report or short paper.

Lectures include “What it takes to win”, “When things go wrong” and “Being sued”. Though far more exciting are the special offers available:

“Val d’Isere is considered to be the world’s premier ski resort. It offers the best skiing together with lively après ski. There are several ski companies offering special DoctorsUpdates rates for delegates in Val d’isere.”

Wonder if they’ll have any snappers for company at the “lively après ski”…

The trip finishes up on Wednesday with the 25th annual St George’s Cup Slalom Race:

“On the Wednesday we hold the great annual St George’s Cup Slalom Race. The rules of the race are cleverly devised so that skiers of all abilities can take part with an equal chance of success. Every competitor completes two timed runs down the same slalom course. The person whose second time most closely matches their first is the winner. This difference is sometimes as close as hundredths of a second!”

Good to see those £30,000-£70,000 junior doctors’ salaries aren’t going to waste!

Crispin Pleads for Poppers

blunt-poppersThis afternoon could see the the banning of amyl nitrate “poppers” – a psychoactive substance popular in the gay community and with clubbers. Crispin Blunt is worried about the government banning poppers and has emailed fellow MPs:

From: BLUNT, Crispin
Sent: 20 January 2016 13:06
Subject: Psychoactive Substances Bill
Importance: High

Dear all,

This afternoon there may be an amendment moved to support the Home Affairs Select Committee’s recommendation to exempt alkyl nitrates, also known as “poppers” from the Psychoactive Substances Bill. The relative paragraph is 45 of their first report:

“We accept the evidence given by Professor Iversen, the National Aids Trust, and the Gay Men’s Health Collective on alkyl nitrites, also known as ‘poppers’. Professor Iversen said ‘poppers’ were “not seen to be capable of having harmful effects sufficient to constitute a societal problem” and therefore we recommend they should not be banned. If in the future there is any evidence produced to the contrary, then ‘poppers’ should be removed from the exempted list or controlled under the Misuse of Drugs Act”.

I am very concerned about this measure which would have the consequences outlined in paragraph 43 of the Home Affairs Select Committee report.

If amendment 5 is put, I will be voting for it, and I hope Colleagues will join me so that they might at least not be party to a grave error of judgement by the Government.

Yours ever,

Crispin

Guido understands that inhalation of poppers at the point of orgasm results in an extended woooooohhhh!

UPDATE: “I use poppers, I out myself as a popper user, and would be directly affected by this legislation.”

2 Million More Problem Drinkers Created By Government

ALCOHOL-LIMITS

Victory for the public health lobby fun police as the Department of Health announces its intention to lower the recommended limit for alcohol consumption from 21 to 14 units per week for men. For some context, the USA’s limit is 24.5 units, France 26, Italy 31.5, and Spain 35 units. Yet British men are being told they should only drink five pints per week…

Industry sources say this means the number of men drinking at what Department of Health calls “increasing risk” rises from 16% to 26% overnight. That’s around 2 million more men labelled binge drinkers by the government. Cheers for that…

Guru Josh R.I.P.

Guido is saddened to hear that Guru Josh (Paul Walden) died in Ibiza on Monday. Back sometime in the ’89-’90 Summer of Love Guru Josh was bringing out a follow-up to his worldwide hit “Infinity” and wanted to do something to promote it and get attention. So he asked for advice from the sartorially psychedelic publicist for Sunrise – the most successful rave organisers of the era who were never off the front pages. The publicist advised him precisely what to say, something politically controversial, guaranteed to be reported everywhere in the music press and get him “cut through”. The publicist promised it would get him attention.

The next day* in an interview with Record Mirror Guru Josh came out in favour of the poll tax which was about to be introduced by the Thatcher government. The resulting publicity did get the Guru the promised “cut through”. It was unfortunately entirely negative publicity from the left-wing music press…

How does Guido know this story? He was that publicist.

*Exact sequence of events may differ. If you can remember it, you weren’t really there. See page 74.

“This Debate Brought to You By…”

ash

Wondering if the debate this afternoon in Westminster Hall on the government’s future smoking strategy tabled by Kevin Barron this afternoon was fair and balanced? Bob Blackman appeared to be giving a speech from notes printed on the fanatical Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) campaign’s headed paper. His key point was more money was needed for tobacco control – in other words more taxpayers’ money for ASH – reading line for line from the their own note. Fancy that…

Osborne’s Pre-Spending Review Bash Gets Out of Hand

george

Corridor colleagues complain that a party held at George Osborne’s MP office last week got a little out of hand. Not only were empty wine bottles strewn across the floor outside, the landing now stinks of booze and a light-fingered reveller even nicked the sign with the Chancellor’s name from the door. “It was raucous,” says an unimpressed colleague. Hic!

Bugg Off: Dugher’s Late Night Soho Gig Cut Short

dggher

‘Lightning Bolt’ singer-songwriter Jake Bugg treated MPs to an impromptu performance in parliament as part of the BBC’s LetItBeeb campaign against cuts to music services. Afterwards Bugg wound up going for a “quick pint” with Shadow Culture Secretary Michael Dugher. Hours later, the pair were in a Soho bar where Jake decided to get his guitar out for a quick song. The manager of the establishment however had other ideas, walking briskly over to tell Jake to put it away. Dugher remonstrated with him that this was a platinum selling artist performing a free gig. “Alright, one song but that’s it,” replied the manager. Clearly not a fan…

Strictly De Kirchner

Well-known Corbynista and Argentinian President Cristina de Kirchner has delighted supporters by spontaneously dancing at a campaign rally in Buenos Aires:

This isn’t the first time she has let loose, having cut some shapes to Ninel Conde’s “El bombón asesino” in December of last year:

Partying like it’s 1983…

Corbyn Dances to “F**k You” as Stalin Looks On

Jeremy Corbyn found himself mobbed by a harem of tipsy fans at last night’s Mirror party. He politely shuffled his feet to Cee Lo Green’s “F**k You” but made his exit once his female admirers began throwing themselves at him:

Looking down upon him from the wall of Brighton Revolutions?

While female MPs were unimpressed by the #EverydaySexism on show:

See if you can spot an unlikely fan coming face to face with Jezza in the video…

Delingpole on Druggy Dave

James Delingpole recalls “a beautiful sunny afternoon in the summer of 1985”, where he, a young David Cameron and another James “are sitting cross-legged in an oak-panelled room high above one of Oxford’s grandest college quads stoned out of their brains on marijuana”.

“Check that out!” says Dave. His father’s a wealthy stockbroker; like the other James, he went to Eton; he’s very good at tennis, he’s got a gorgeous girlfriend called Fran and he speaks in the richy, fruity voice of one who knows he is born to rule.

“Check what out?” I say. Of the three, I’m the least posh. I only went to a ‘minor public school’ and I speak with a slight Birmingham accent.

“That amazing drum sound,” says Dave. “Where the beats all go close together and kind of merge into one.”

“Oh yeah. The flam” says James, who knows his music.

“Yeah the flam,” agrees Dave. “Maybe that’s what we should call ourselves: The Flam Club.”

“And what exactly is the purpose of the Flam Club, exactly?” I ask.

“We sit around getting stoned and listening out for the flams on Supertramp albums,” explains Dave.

Read the full account over on Breitbart here

Burnham ‘Just Checking Out’ Westminster Bubble

There was Guido making his way through the heart of the Westminster bubble last night, when who did he happen to stumble across? Only man of t’people Andy Burnham, posing for photos outside the Westminster Arms, the definitive core of the SW1 bubble. What on earth was an outsider like Andy doing at the very epicentre of the metropolitan elite? “I just thought I’d come and check out the bubble,” he told Guido.

Burnham was in a bullish mood about his chances last night, telling Guido “we can still do it” and insisting that second preferences meant he was the only candidate who can stop Corbyn. Of course Cooper’s people say the same about her. Keen to quickly get away from the bubble, Andy rejected the offer of a pint from a supporter and made his exit… to his flat less than a mile away in Kennington…

Osborne Mocks Labour Contest: “I’ve Got Three More Votes Left to Cast”

George Osborne just about recovered from his 2011 w*nker joke faux pas to land the coveted GQ Politician of the Year award at the Royal Opera House last night.

Westminster style icon Osborne was presented the award by his friend Bob Geldof, who revealed he personally called the Chancellor the day before to give him an ear-bashing about the refugee crisis. George’s gags were much better received this time, including an obligatory dig at the Labour leadership contest:

“The Labour leadership contest hasn’t got long to go and I’ve got three more votes left to cast”

Piers certainly enjoyed it…

The ever-svelte Osborne had a whole table sorted for his top Treasury team, though they quickly slipped off before the after party for prettier guests. GQ Politician of the Year 2016: Jezza Corbyn and his vest…?

Jez Dances as Corbynistas Chant “Vamos Corbyn!”

Footage has emerged of feelgood Jeremy Corbyn cutting shapes in a London nightclub, pumping his fist in the air in a Chavez-style ‘people power’ salute, as a Latin American guitarist leads a chorus of “Vamos Corbyn! Vamos Corbyn!” to the tune of the Gypsy Kings’ Bambeleo.

The senstational video was filmed on Saturday night, at the Latinos for Corbyn fundraiser at El Vergel:

He also played the bongos:

And had a bloomin’ good time:

Viva la fiesta! Viva Corbynista!

Corbynistas Plan to ‘Drink Blood of Thatcher’

Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters will be partying like it’s 1983 at the Speakeasy Bar in Epping tomorrow night. The Corbyn campaign is sponsoring an official ‘Cocktails for Corbyn‘ bash, offering drinks such as “Dianne Abbotts” [sic], described as “Champagne Socialist Martinis”, and “Kier Hardie” Old Fashioneds. Also on the menu are “Bloody Margarets“, a rather tasteless reference to the late Lady Thatcher. Only 11 people have RSVP’d so far, seems Essex isn’t a Corbynista heartland. Bloodthirsty Reds…

Post Plain Packaging Aussie Tobacco Sales Up 0.5%

F0694673-A289-4841-BEBC-C0C613122BA8

Despite claims to the contrary, following the introduction of plain packaging for cigarettes in Australia, tobacco sales increased by 0.5%. Sales were declining  by 5.4% per year in the years before plain packaging was introduced…

The Australian figures will come as an embarrassment for the puritanical British MPs who bulldozed through standardised packaging legislation in March this year. […] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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