Corbyn Fouls Up His Football Support

The extraordinary performances of English football teams in the European cup competitions this week has led to an outbreak of tragic attempts by politicians to look in touch with ‘ordinary people’ by making endless references to the ball-footy-kick thing. None more so than Jeremy Corbyn who posted a gushing tribute to Spurs on Wednesday night despite them being bitter rivals of his own team, Arsenal…

Yet despite Arsenal qualifying for their own European final almost 24 hours ago (ok it’s only the Europa League, but still…) Jeremy Corbyn is still yet to send any message of congratulations whatsoever to his own beloved team of several decades. He’s not Gooner win over any fans like that…

Windsor Castle: Its Coming Home

The band of the Royal Logistical Corps…

Paul Mason’s Coming Home to England

Orwell had the Guardian columnists of his time in mind when he wrote inThe Lion and the Unicorn”:

England is perhaps the only great country whose intellectuals are ashamed of their own nationality. In left-wing circles it is always felt that there is something slightly disgraceful in being an Englishman and that it is a duty to snigger at every English institution, from horse racing to suet puddings. It is a strange fact, but it is unquestionably true that almost any English intellectual would feel more ashamed of standing to attention during “God Save the King” than of stealing from a poor box.

On seeing Paul Mason’s tweets and flag-emblazoned cheeks last night John Denham pulled him up “Remember: no one made you say ‘I do not want to be English’” Mason retorted that “It’s still my position – My ethnicity is British – my nationality proletarian”. Which is of course bollocks. “British” is not an ethnicity and proletaria is not a place. Rather than knocking Mason let’s celebrate his coming home to that most English of things – football. His emotional connection to the flag and the national sport shows that, underneath the buzzword-laden ideological ramblings, he is still a human…

‘SNP Plot’ Could Ruin England Match for MPs

It’s Estimates Day in the Commons, a dull procedure by which MPs formally consider estimates of future spending by government departments. This isn’t particularly controversial and most estimates are ‘rolled-up’ to minimise the number of votes – often there aren’t any votes at all. Tory MPs have been warned to expect multiple divisions tonight and there are rumours of an “SNP plot” to force votes which would mean MPs spend the match in the division lobbies rather than the bar. The SNP would not be so petty as to spoil England fans enjoyment of the game tonight, would they?

Hazard Warning: May Takes Belgian Shirt

Negotiations going well then…

Pics via @lisaocarroll

Bercow Won’t Fly England Flag for Belgium Game Tonight

Bercow confirms that the Cross of St George will not fly above Parliament for the Brexit derby tonight, but it will for future World Cup games. Beaten to it on Whitehall… 

Brexit Derby Day

Good luck to the boys against Belgium tonight. Win it for Harry, England and Brexit…

Labour vs Millwall

The Lewisham East by-election is so dominated by factional Labour politicking that sources in the constituency fear vital local issues are being overlooked. None more so than the fate of Millwall FC’s ground, The Den, which is under threat from a controversial regeneration project backed by a string of Labour town hall chiefs. The club is living under threat of a Compulsory Purchase Order – which means Labour-controlled Lewisham Council (Millwall’s landlord) could seize and sell land around the stadium. Club bosses warned this could push the team out of London, an enormous loss to the community and the capital’s football heritage… 

During the parliamentary selection process the club’s chairman wrote to each of the Labour candidates asking them to outline their position on the issue, pledging to publish their response. Guido understands no responses were received…

Janet Daby, the moderate candidate who ultimately secured the selection, was on the council cabinet which backed many of the regeneration proposals. There is no record of her dissenting against them (unlike Lewisham’s new Labour mayor, and fellow moderate, Damien Egan). Labour representation now appears split on the issue. Meanwhile, the LibDems, who previously came third in strongly remain borough, are on the front foot. Voting Labour in June could prove an own goal for football fans in Lewisham…

Tory MP Tops Up Salary as Europa League Linesman

New Tory MP Douglas Ross topped up his salary over the summer by working as an assistant referee in Scottish Premier League and UEFA Europa League football matches. Ross, who once got into trouble for dodging parliamentary duties as an MSP so he could run the line in a Real Madrid game, was paid £425 to officiate in top flight games in August and September. He also pocketed £1,436 as the assistant referee in the Marseille vs Domzale Europa League match two weeks ago. He sounds like a bit of a legend.

11 August 2017, received £97.50 for Buckie Thistle v Raith Rovers.
11 August 2017, received £97.50 for Dundee v Dundee United.
24 August 2017, received £425 for Hamilton Academical v Dundee.
24 August 2017, received £130 for Livingston v Dunfermline Athletic.
7 September 2017, received £130 for Caledonian Thistle v Morton.
7 September 2017, received £425 for Celtic v St Johnstone.
1 September 2017, received £1,436.35 from UEFA for NK Domzale v Olympique de Marseille.

These late vote nights clashing with Champions League games will be hurting this lino in the pocket…

“Jeremy is Full of Sh*t!” Liverpool Fans Give Corbyn a Song

On Saturday afternoon Jeremy Corbyn had the misfortune of sharing a train carriage with a group of refreshed Liverpool fans still smarting from their defeat at home to struggling Swansea. The Scousers spied the Labour leader and gave him a song. To the tune of “When the Saints Go Marching In”:

“Oh Jeremy!

(Oh Jeremy!)

Is full of sh*t!

(Is full of sh*t!) 

Oh Jeremy is full of sh*t,

He’s full sh*t, sh*t and more sh*t,

Oh Jeremy is full of sh*t!”

They later gave him a rendition of “Get your policies out for the lads”. Corbyn and his vocal critics eventually made up and posed for a selfie on the platform:

What is it with Jez and eventful train journeys…

Corbyn and Bercow’s Football Chat Caught on Mic

The Speaker probably sniffing around for another freebie.

H/T @estwebber

Mak Gets Flack After Hack Pack Smacking

The Tory MPs’ team was thrashed 5-2 by the Lobby in the traditional conference football match yesterday. Changing room chatter reveals MP Alan Mak, a mercurial central midfielder, was subbed off after just nine minutes, by which point the Tories were 3-0 down. According to a teammate, “we started playing well when he was taken off”. Mak requested to be allowed back on the field in the second half – he lasted another five minutes before suffering the ignominy of being subbed off a second time. Housing minister Gavin Barwell scored the first own goal of conference by heading into his own net on an afternoon to forget for the Tories. “Mak-ed in the morning, you’re getting Mak-ed in the morning…”

Owen Smith Staffer Breaks Burnham’s Toe

Andy Burnham angrily told an aide that “some little sh*t” had broken his toe during the Labour v Lobby football match on Sunday. Which member of Her Majesty’s press corp was responsible? Guido can reveal it was in fact an aide to Owen Smith playing as a ringer for the journalists’ team. Who once again ended up on the losing team…

Sharp-elbowed Burnham was also involved in a fracas with a young political correspondent, telling him: “F**k off, you f**king pr*ck”. Calm down, calm down…

Campaign Report: 21 Days to Go

Football Brexit

Leave message: Patriotic England footballers for Brexit!

Remain message: Farmers weekly back Remain.

Cut through: Cameron’s grilling on Sky’s #InOrOut Debate.

Leave social media count: 446,349 likes, 49,936 followers.

Remain social media count: 449,429 likes, 32,921 followers.

Odds: Remain 2/5, Leave between 12/5

Latest poll: Remain 41%, Leave 41% (YouGov, online). Poll of Polls is now Remain 51%, Leave 49%.

Vote Leave Offer £50 Million Payout to Predict Euros

50mil
Not wanting to be outdone by one-time rival Leave.EU splashing half a million quid on a pop concert for teenagers from the late 90s, Vote Leave are offering a whopping £50 million to whoever can correctly guess the outcome of every Euro game in the upcoming tournament. £50 million is also the amount Vote Leave says taxpayers hand over to the EU everyday…

Boffins at the Sun calculated that the odds of guessing every game right are roughly one in five sextillion, players can wager the outcome for free, and in the event of nobody winning a £50,000 consolation prize will be given to whoever guessed the most outcomes. Given the match outcomes aren’t truly random the real probability is a lot less than the boffins presume. The sum in any event is backed up by a Lloyds insurance policy, so pro-Brexit players needn’t worry about bankrupting the campaign should they win. Free bet with £50 million on the line – seems a no brainer even for Remainers…

Balls Drop

balls won't drop

Readers who managed to pick up a copy of the Daily Guido on April Fool’s will have seen our sports leader on why Norwich City (chairman one Ed Balls) would likely stay in the Premier League this season. Much like in the General Election, the performance of a Balls-headed enterprise was significantly overestimated…

Norwich have been relegated from the Premier League. Despite having the sixth largest spend in the January transfer window, the former shadow chancellor’s team will go back down to the Championship. They spent the boom, and they’ve gone bust…

BSE Rehash Debunked Football Flop

Football Brexit

In January the Remain campaign tried and failed to convince us that Brexit would prevent Premier League clubs from signing the best talent from the continent. Three months on and they’re still pushing this rot:

https://twitter.com/StrongerIn/status/715574407650013184/

“A Brexit could lead to the most talented players in Europe not being able to come to the Premier League, threatening its status as one of the world’s most exciting leagues.” 

As Guido previously noted, hundreds of non-EU players have been easily signed by Premier League clubs with no fuss at all. With only a handful of exceptions, non-EU players have been granted fast-track work permits by the Home Office. For example: Arsenal signed Kolo Touré from Ivorian club ASEC Mimosas, West Ham signed Carlos Tevez from Brazilian side Corinthians, and Dwight Yorke signed for Aston Villa having previously only played in his native Trinidad and Tobago. None of these players came from Europe or were even playing for sides in Europe when they joined the Premier League.

What if BSE were telling the truth? Well, young English players would get more of a chance at the highest level, strengthening the national team. By BSE’s logic Brexit boosts the chances of an England World Cup win…

Right Old Balls-Up

Balls

Ed Balls made much of his post-election move to Norwich City, even going as far as to brag about it to Robbie Savage on BT Sport. Despite high hopes, a few months down the line it doesn’t appear that the former Shadow Chancellor has been working his magic as Chairman of the struggling club. Guido’s data bot has crunched the numbers.

Since being named Chairman of Norwich on the 27th December they have managed just 4 points from the last 12 games. That works out at a measly ⅓ points per game, leaving them 3rd from bottom and in the relegation zone. By contrast, pre-Balls they had amassed 29 points from 17 games, equivalent to 1.7 points per game, leaving them midway up the table at 15th place. Norwich were doing seven times as well in the pre-Balls era…

Europhile Own Goal: Lady Brady Says Brexit Could Win England World Cup

Football Brexit

Guido thought the pro-EU scaremongers were scraping the barrel yesterday when they claimed British wildlife would suffer should Britain leave the EU. That was until Tory peer Karren Brady came out today with the idea that leaving the EU would nobble English football, leaving top Premier League clubs unable to sign the best talent from the continent. Lady Brady, the vice chairman of Dave’s second team West Ham, reckons:

“For clubs, free movement plays a big role in transfers and players’ contracts. Players from the EU can sign for UK clubs without needing a visa or special work permit, making it quicker and easier to secure top talent from across Europe to come and play in our leagues… Leaving the EU could have a big impact on foreign players, as independent analysis has shown that two-thirds of European stars in England would not meet automatic non-EU visa criteria and therefore might be forced to leave”.

Something doesn’t add up here. 

Hundreds of non-EU players have been easily signed by Premier clubs with no fuss at all. With only a handful of exceptions, non-EU players have been granted fast-track work permits by the Home Office. For example: Arsenal signed Kolo Touré from Ivorian club ASEC Mimosas, West Ham signed Carlos Tevez from Brazilian side Corinthians, and Dwight Yorke signed for Aston Villa having previously only played in his native Trinidad and Tobago. None of these players came from Europe or were even playing for sides in Europe when they joined the Premier League.

Let’s indulge the barmy fantasy that Brexit might force “two-thirds of European stars in England” to pack their kit-bag and jog on to sunnier climes. It would never happen, but what if it did? 

65% of Premier League players currently come from outside of England, with this proportion even higher in the top sides. An exodus of foreign players would mean clubs would be forced to promote English talent. This is something Greg Dyke has been pushing for throughout his tenure as FA Chairman, lamenting that “home-grown heroes are fast becoming an endangered species, particularly among the Premier League’s top clubs”. So according to Brady, Brexit would make Premier League nurture homegrown talent, great news for young English players and even better for the future of the national team. In Lady Brady’s post-Brexit scenario, it’s not too far-fetched to see how a revitalised England could win the World Cup….

Sepp Blatter Money Shot

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Quote of the Day

Peter Mandelson tells Emma Barnett…

“I think that Jeremy Corbyn himself should search his conscience and ask himself whether he’s the best person to lead the Labour Party into the general election with the best chance of success for the party.”

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