Oi, Ed, Shut Up You SlaaaaagVOTE: Who is More In Touch: Boy George or Danny Dyer?

Who is more in touch with public opinion: Boy George or Danny Dyer?

In scenes reminiscent of Malcolm Tucker’s Zeitgeist tapes in the Thick of It, Ed Miliband revealed to Danny Dyer at the Attitude awards this week that he “researches” Eastenders online to keep up to date, even though he doesn’t watch the show. A source tells the Sun:

“[Ed] immediately made a big point of saying he knew a lot about the show. Then he started saying how the character of Martin Fowler has had three different actors playing him and how Ben Mitchell’s character has had five. Danny was a bit confused so asked him if watches the show. Ed shook his head and said, ‘No, I don’t have time any more but I’ve been doing a lot of research about it online’.”

Soap hard man Danny later reflected: “It was all a bit too heavy for me. I had to sit the f*** down.” Perhaps he could use the experience on the next series of “Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men”. But who is more in touch with reality?

Voting open until Close of Play…

Lovers Re-Unite-ed: Red Len’s Late Night Re-Union

The last time Guido asked Len McCluskey about his relationship with Jennie Formby, Unite political director and the mother of his lovechild, he got very tetchy. Guido is sure, therefore, that there is nothing at all untoward about eyewitness reports of Jennie and Red Len gazing into each other’s eyes over multiple drinks in the Feather’s pub, SW1 late last night. It was cold and damp, but that did not stop the re-Unite-d lovers huddling outside in the cold, as Len the Lothario poured the mid-range Chardonnay, away from the prying eyes of other punters. He then bundled Jennie into a car so quickly, that our dozy half-cut super sleuth cocked up getting a snap of the pair.

Only a cynic would note that McCluskey fathered a child with Formby while he was still married to his first wife Ann, before moving into a union-funded London home with a second lover Paula Lace, with Jennie going on to marry another man. Lots of important Unite policy to discuss last night…

UPDATE: Another source says Len’s ex-lover Jenny was indeed at the pub and so was Len’s current girlfriend Karie Murphy. Our original source was clearly seeing double…

Huge Tory Swing in Bath

Carpet-bagging wannabe MP and renowned bon viveur Ben Howlett has been getting to know his constituency, sampling the delights of Bath’s night-life. These photos were taken at the Po Na Na club, which Guido can confirm from personal experience is a dive. A fellow reveller reports:

“He was wasted and bumping into people, he even said ‘don’t you know who I am’. This was only at 11pm. Lightweight.”

One way of swaying the voters…

RED ON RED: Dirty Tricks Against ‘Alcoholic’ Labour PPCFake Leaflet of Candidate Snorting Sambuca With Hospital Tube

The Labour Party candidate selection process in Ashton Under-Lyme very nearly descended into all out war last month, with accusations flying of dirty tricks to get trade union pilgrim Angela Rayner selected. Unison heavies, with the help of senior Labour MPs like Andrew ‘shouty’ Gwynne, won in the end, but that is not to say that the local tension has gone away. In fact it’s getting very messy:

A leaflet pretending to be from Rayner has been posted through doors in the constituency. It shows the self-styled ‘care worker’ snorting sambuca through her nose using a hospital feeding tube, whilst she denies having a drink problem. Guido understands however that the photos are genuine. Sources on the ground say an element of the local party is out to get Rayner at all costs and it looks to Guido like this could get very dirty.

Mark Reckless Defects to UKIP

A dream for headline writers everywhere. On the eve of Tory conference Mark Reckless has defected to UKIP.

He was denying it less than 24 hours ago, but the clues were there in the Iraq vote:

And so to Birmingham.

Guido Had a Bizarre Dream Last Night…

…that he was down the Rover’s Return on Coronation Street when this vaguely familiar face came in and stared at him from the other end of the bar:

Then Guido stumbles out and bumps into Len McCluskey, before having an awkward moment with Owen Jones. “Last night I met Guido, a blogger. He told me…”

Gareth Can't Decide Between Yellow and Red

Poor due diligence from Labour speechwriters on Gareth from IT, the man Ed spent a large portion of his speech talking about meeting. It turns out he voted LibDem at the last election. Here he is unable to decide between yellow and red:

‘Elizabeth’, another of the many people who have met Ed Miliband and gone on to feature in his speeches, meanwhile says she is keeping an open mind about who she is voting for next year. Obviously ‘Colin’ does not have a vote next time, given he is no longer with us. He died shortly after his conversation with Ed, but not before speaking in perfect soundbites.  The personal touch doesn’t seem to be working…

 

Ed Balls Gangnam Style

Disturbing new photos have emerged of Ed Balls at Labour’s annual diversity party last night. The Standard reports:

“Host Keith Vaz stole the show by donning sunglasses for last night’s dance marathon, where two belly-dancers tied their bright sashes around the MP as they gyrated either side of him… Chuka Umunna, Harriet Harman, Sadiq Khan, Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper were among those showing off their moves at the event, which saw confetti fall from the ceiling as Gangnam Style was repeated at the end.”

What kind of monster wears sunglasses inside? 

Walking in the Air (Of Superiority)

Meet Aled Jones, 20 year-old namesake of your mum’s favourite Welsh ex-choirboy and star of this pre-election Labour campaign video:

Aled shares the heart-warming story of his humble beginnings, how he grew up on his family’s sheep farm in rural Wales, and why “I’m Labour because I believe in a society where no one falls behind”. But Aled’s meek backstory isn’t all it seems.

What Labour don’t tell us is their new poster boy is actually a law student at Oxford, co-chair of Oxford University Labour Club and former intern for several Labour politicians. Presumably his commitment to “a society where wealth doesn’t just trickle down from the top” stems from his experience working for Shell oil company and Magic Circle law firm Slaughter and May. And, like any aspiring socialist, he also has a penchant for champagne and white tie:

The revolution is safe in Aled’s hands…

Tory MP Graham Stuart Raving Video Emerges

Well one Tory MP  is having a mental recess. Gurning Graham Stuart spent his Saturday night at the Humber Street Sesh with monged out fellow revellers dancing to Endoflevelbaddie. For those of you not aquainted with the four piece dance collective: “With the best name in the history of music, Endoflevelbaddie hail from, well, another galaxy probably”:

“Endoflevelbaddie combine massive production, slick visuals, sharp lyrics and a live show second to none. With producer ‘Endoflevelbaddie’, VJ ‘EyeSaw’ drummer ‘Beat ‘em Up’ and MC ‘Player 1’, they cut a striking image in anonymous masks.”

Also cutting a ‘striking image’ was silver-haired shape thrower, Graham, who can be seen below having it large:

Guido approves.

Bye Bye Blue Boar: Intercontinental OUT of Westminster

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After opening with much fanfare in late 2012, the Intercontinental Hotel in Westminster attempted to establish itself as the place to be for politcos. After some initial success it’s now full of lobbyists eating overpriced food and looking over their shoulder in case someone interesting passes through, which is a rarity these days. Well, Guido hears the Intercontinental group have had enough and are throwing in the towel…

Hilton will be taking over the running of things, and the plan is that it will become a Conrad branded venture. Guido’s advice would be sort out the Blue Boar. It’s dark, soul-less and the food is not up scratch for that price. The wine list is expensive and so dull, and the service has become sloppy. Lighten it all up a bit; gut the entire bar and restaurant and then start again. Aim a little lower in price and who knows… it might work. All change at the end of August. See ya.

Sally’s Pass Pal Claimed to be ‘Agent’ and ‘Miliband Adviser’Mystery Over Farah Sasson’s Donation and Access Grows

The row over Bercow’s donation/pass mystery is escalating. Tory MP Simon Burns has weighed in:

“I do not quite see why at the request of the wife of the Speaker a friend should be given a pass to the House of Commons – in that they are not usually given to MPs’ friends. It makes it look rather difficult for the Speaker when he then receives a rather nice cheque for his election campaign – and leaves him open to criticism and questions.”

David Morris MP tells Guido this morning that Farah Sassoon introduced herself to him on the Commons Terrace as ‘an adviser to Ed Miliband’ saying she advised the Labour leader ‘on all sorts of things’. Another Tory MP, speaking on the condition of anonymity for now, says that on a separate occasion Ms Sassoon claimed to be Sally Bercow’s agent. If this is true it adds a rather unsavoury commercial angle to why she has been allowed unfettered access to Parliamentary estate. Who is this mysterious character, and to what end is she really using this pass?

Whether she’s a friend, a Labour adviser, or Sally’s agent , the line from the Speaker that this is all dandy does not hold water. Crucially, Bercow’s spokesman dodged the question of whether proper advice was sought before he accepted a donation from this mysterious business woman. Even if there is an innocent explanation, as an example to all MPs, the Speaker must be whiter than white. Yet each day brings new questions…

Where is the Outrage at David Ruffley?

Guido has tried to warn the Tories, and the world, about David Ruffley’s anger management problems before, reporting on his “obnoxious” behaviour towards staff leading to bright-eyed hopefuls leaving his office in floods of tears. Let’s not forget the lawsuits and the rumours of throwing bins at staff.

And so it came pass, when it emerged over the weekend that Ruffley has accepted a police caution for domestic violence, admitting to assaulting his then girlfriend in March of this year. What is the world coming to when one Tory MP faces a lynch mob and condemnation from the Prime Minister and thousands of others for an ill-advised hypothetical joke tweet, but another Tory MP, who accepts a caution for assaulting a woman, faces no action from his party?

Liberty Online: Live Stream of Guido at #Liberty2014

A post-three bottle lunch Guido has strolled down to the CPS conference. Tune in at 18:30:

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! Hic, hic, hic!

What Has the Speaker Got Against the Kennington Tandoori?

[jwplatform src=”http://content.jwplatform.com/players/gaCkzYtQ-dwaBVFtT.js”]

Box office advertising for Westminster’s curry house of choice at PMQs earlier, as the Speaker interrupted the PM once again, by claiming: “when you’re eating curry in Kennington Tandoori you don’t yell across the table.” As a witness to many a rowdy night south of the river, Guido is not too sure about that. A co-conspirator writes:

“Last time I went to Kennington Tandoori I saw Bercow in there on his own.”

Maybe that’s what he has against it. 

Farage Drowns His Sorrows at the Newark Count

Despite his Maltese hangover, Nigel Farage was back on the Malbec at the Newark count:

Taking it down a notch or two from his jet-set partying earlier in the week.

MPs Want to End Cheap Beer for Our Boys Taliban Tory Soubry Wants Troops’ Beer Prices Raised

In 1944, at the height of the Second World War, Winston Churchill famously defended the right of Britain’s war heroes to enjoy a pint:

Make sure that the beer – four pints a week – goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.

This afternoon at the Defence Select Committee, Labour MP Madeleine Moon demanded that the alcohol subsidy providing cheaper booze for war heroes serving overseas be scrapped. Moon, who herself takes advantage of parliament’s food and drink subsidy allowing MPs to sink cheap pints on the taxpayer, says that the subsidy at military bars in army bases abroad should be removed. According to Press Association, she said she was given the “fight of my life” when she saw the prices at a base in the Falklands:

“One thing that could be done about alcohol problems in the armed forces is tackling the high level of subsidy in bars in military units – perhaps so they were the same price you would pay in town.”

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Defence Minister Anna Soubry suggested she was open to the idea, saying she wanted to curb a culture of “drinking to the point of oblivion” in the armed forces. Our politicians want themselves to have a taxpayer funded subsidy for their booze, but want to deny the same perk for the soldiers they have sent to war.

Crystal Methodist Thanks BBC for Newsnight Fawning

Having been charged with drug offences this morning, the renowned gak-fiend Reverend Flowers lavished praise on the BBC for giving him such an easy ride when he appeared on Newsnight:

“There is a phrase for some people, they call them vultures, and I really do hope that somebody quotes me on that, especially the BBC. The BBC have been really nice to me but the rest of you are vultures.”

He must be very grateful that Newsnight failed to ask him about his use of drugs and rent-boys since he declared himself a changed man…

Sexminster Exposed


A Channel 4 News investigation finds that one in three people working in the sleazy booze-fuelled world of Westminster have experienced some form of sexual harassment at the hands of pervy MPs. One in five had witnessed some other poor young staffer being sexually harassed and over half said they had first or second-hand experience of hands-on politicians. Today’s Mail and Independent splash on the story.

The Tories have responded by ordering their MPs to sign a new code of conduct and implementing a grievance procedure for staff:

The code of conduct acts as a basic statement of what should be best practice in the workplace for Conservative Members and their staff. It explains the rights and responsibilities which are expected of both the employer and the employee.

The grievance procedure is available for staff to use if a grievance arises with their MP as employer. It protects both parties involved, brings with it consistency and fairness, and in doing so upholds the reputation of the Party and of Parliament. It is based upon a three stage process of mediation, grievance hearing and appeal. The process conforms to relevant employment law, ACAS guidance and HR best practice and is added as a schedule to the contract of employment.

They should get everyone at Number 10 to sign it too

Nigel Evans Cleared of Rape and Sexual Assault No Immediate Restoration of Tory Whip

Evans was led from the dock in tears as local supporters and friends in the gallery erupted into cheers.

Not guilty on eight counts. 

UPDATE: The Guardian are withering in their destruction of the CPS case against Evans:

“The prosecution case against Nigel Evans, the former Commons deputy speaker, began to fall apart as soon as his accusers entered the witness box.

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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Tory MP Nick Boles says what everyone thinks…

“There is a timidity and lack of ambition about Mrs May’s Government which means it constantly disappoints. Time to raise your game, Prime Minister.”

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