Zelenskyy Heaps Praise on “Brave Boris”… in Front of Sir Keir

Ahead of polls closing, Ukraine forced a rare bout of cross-party unity at the Tate Modern last night as both Boris and Starmer turned up for a fundraising auction. In farcical scenes proving the PM’s need to level up fibre-optic gigabit broadband, a video message from Zelenskyy initially refused to have any working audio, prompting the organisers to give up. This despite Boris’s recent video message in the besieged Kyiv parliament going without a technical hitch… 

When they did manage to get Zelenskyy’s speech working, he heaped praise on the PM and called him “brave Boris” directly in front of Sir Keir. This was followed by a similarly fraternal address by the PM encouraging attendees to dig deep to help fund the Ukrainian effort. Among the auction prizes – run by Christie’s – was the Ukrainian PM’s infamous khaki fleece up for sale with a starting price of £50,000 – something Boris described as a “pinch”. It ended up going for £90,000…

Also up for bidding was a tour of Kyiv by the mayor, and one of the cockerel jugs given to Boris and Zelenskyy during the PM’s own walk about the capital.

Guido was passed photos of both Boris and Sir Keir sipping Ukrainian wine – the white being described by Guido’s mole as excellent, the red as a little sharp and the rose as a “tad too full-bodied” – though the two leaders didn’t manage to talk. The catering was courtesy of Ukraine’s only Michelin starred chef. Unsurprisingly the chicken kiev kyiv was the star showing…

mdi-timer 6 May 2022 @ 10:51 6 May 2022 @ 10:51 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Lord Frost’s Free Market Rallying Speech: Less Social Distancing, More Socialist Distancing!

Lord Frost and Nadhim Zahawi were guests of honour at the ASI’s Christmas drinks party last night, held in the swanky surroundings of 1 Birdcage Walk’s oak-panelled library. Frost got the audience onside with a free market rallying cry, and predicted imminent success for the ASI in their fight against government control and market interference, including the decent joke: “a bit less social distancing a bit more socialist distancing”.

Nadhim boasted about the government’s T-Level plans, joking that the “TL Badge” on his lapel didn’t stand for “Tory leader”. Some in the audience seemed to wish it did…

mdi-timer 8 December 2021 @ 14:56 8 Dec 2021 @ 14:56 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Rees-Mogg’s Imperial Social Distancing Rules

Jacob Rees-Mogg was the guest of honour at the IEA’s Christmas bash last night, with a speech tailored to a home crowd. The Leader of the House entered into the Christmas panto spirit, asking the audience via call and response whether they’d like a low tax, low regulation recovery, or one of higher taxes and higher regulations. No prizes for guessing which the free marketeer crowd opted for…

The highlight of the speech was Rees-Mogg’s dig at the ongoing furore surrounding No. 10’s supposed Christmas party in 2020, telling the audience:

“I see we’re all here obeying regulations, aren’t we? And this party is not going to be investigated by the police in a year’s time. You are all very carefully socially distanced – we have moved, I am pleased to tell you, back to the Imperial system: I notice you are all two inches away from eachother which is, as I understand it, what regulations require.”

His speech was followed by a performance from Dominic Frisbee, ably duetted by Mark Littlewood, meaning Guido got to see Jacob Rees-Mogg’s reaction to his classic song “I’m going to marry Gary”…

mdi-timer 7 December 2021 @ 10:05 7 Dec 2021 @ 10:05 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Mask Hypocrisy: Kebab Awards Edition

Last night’s annual kebab awards was a relatively understated affair. A combination of the Budget today, a Tory MP drinks reception in No. 10, a graduation ceremony for the Parliamentary CCF force and presumably plenty of left-wing MPs not wanting to be seen at a busy, hot, sweaty drinks reception resulted in far fewer MPs in attendance than usual. Guido spent the night keeping an eye out for any MPs who, while advocating for masks in Parliament and wider society, forgot to continue their virtue signalling campaign at the private drinks reception:

  • James O’Brien
  • Dawn Butler
  • Lloyd Russell-Moyle
  • Abena Oppong-Asare
  • Anna McMorrin
  • Charlotte Nichols
  • Jeremy Corbyn
  • Stephen Timms
  • Rosena Allin-Khan

All the above were spotted by Guido maskless and mingling among the drunken crowd.

Repeated references were made last night to Angela Rayner’s none appearance, with co-hosts Radio 1’s Chris Stark and Scott Mills uncomfortably bitching about the deputy leader’s absence – clearly no one had informed them she’s still on bereavement leave after losing someone very close to her. Upon hearing the co-hosts mention Rayner wasn’t going to be there, one sarcastic Labour MP within earshot of a co-conspirator audibly told their dining companion, “oh what a shame”…

mdi-timer 27 October 2021 @ 11:09 27 Oct 2021 @ 11:09 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Media Attention Sees Whitty Free Lunch Scheme Scrapped

Following Chris Whitty’s abuse incident while trying to buy lunch, the Westminster market stall Santana Grill launched an initiative for the public to show their appreciation to the CMO by buying lunch for him. The move was highlighted by yesterday’s Londoner’s Diary:

“If you would like to gift his favourite lunch box to the man who’s been giving his absolute best for all of us, please purchase a gift card,” they say on their website. Tuck in, Chris.”

Guido spotted the gift cards had sold out shortly after and enquired how many had been bought. Santana Grill, however, revealed that despite initiative coming off the back of requests from philanthropic members of the public, they had come under fire from some sceptics:

“The initiative we launched yesterday morning was capped to a total of 4 gift cards based on Professor Whitty’s frequency of visits to our market stall per month. Due to the unwanted attention from the media, we decided to cancel and refund all donations as the scheme was taken out of context; some sadly accused us of profiteering off the back of the CMO which is the last thing we wanted from the public’s kind gestures towards one of our customers.”

At only four takeaways per month, at least Chris is sticking to Boris’s new nannying calorie clampdown…
mdi-timer 16 February 2021 @ 12:00 16 Feb 2021 @ 12:00 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Ministers’ Kids Spill the Beans on TikTok

Chris Whitty’s abuse from a 15-year-old wasn’t the only political event of note to play out on TikTok this week. Guido wonders how many of his SW1 readers could answer these questions:

  • Which Cabinet minister’s child told their followers this week “I would assassinate” their high-flying political parent?
  • Which Cabinet minister’s nephew told their followers this week “if you think you have it bad then just imagine your auntie is one of the biggest Tories in the UK”, promising to spill the beans on some personal drama.

TikTok is fast becoming fertile ground for political events and news, as Guido proved when Michael Gove’s secretive forced self-isolation was revealed by his own offspring. At some point poltician’s  Gen Z children will become adults, and the press will be on the hunt for their stories. Politicians may want to take advantage of their home working and start monitoring their young family-members’ social media output…

mdi-timer 5 February 2021 @ 15:06 5 Feb 2021 @ 15:06 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
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