Friday Caption Contest (Election Special)

Better late than never… 

Dave’s Personal Jag Follows Tory Battle Bus

Just as his driver used to carry his shoes and briefcase. In his defence, it’s for security reasons…

Dave V Nick Ferrari: PM Teases Cable

The PM just ‘Eoin Clarked’ his Business Secretary and claims the #EdStone is worse than the ‘Quiet Bat People’

“A real doctor…standing against Vice Cable”. Zing…

Dave Reaches for the Props

Dave has a new prop: that Liam Byrne letter.

He waved it about in Wetherby high-street earlier. Local sources say the crowd was “about 60% passers by”. Which almost, almost counts as a walkabout…

Cameron: “Russell Brand is a Joke”

“Russell Brand is a joke. Ed Miliband, to hang out with Russell Brand. He’s a joke.”

At last a politician tough enough to stand up to Russell Brand…

Pump It: Dave Edition

The Passion of Dave: “That Pumps Me Up!”

Can Dave do passion?

“If I’m getting lively about it it’s because I feel bloody lively about it,” he went on to add.

Little bit Howard Dean…

UPDATE: Here is what the passion looked like inside the room:

Best Music Video of the Campaign, So Far

Catchy…

PM: “the Selfie Will Come, the Selfie Will Go”

David “too many tweets make a twat” Cameron has made another bold prediction in an interview with the Spectator:

“The selfie will come, the selfie will go.”

As Guido reported in the Sun last month, the selfie has been a key part of the Cameron premiership:

“So adept are Dave’s selfie skills now that he often takes the phones off those who are too shy or cack-handed and does it for them.”

He tells the Speccie:

‘It is an extraordinary phenomenon,’ he says, ‘and it sometimes makes part of the process of politics quite difficult. Everyone wants a selfie rather than to have a conversation, and sometimes that’s a bit frustrating, particularly with your party activists. I want to know what they are finding on the doorsteps, but actually you are too busy having your picture taken.’

Guido suspects the selfie will be around a little longer than Dave…

Eton Ukulele Loon Was Privately Educated

“I didn’t have any eggs and didn’t want to get arrested. I could have shouted but that is boring” says Robin Grey, who hit the headlines this week by serenading the PM with a ukulele and catchy tune about f**king off back to Eton.

“I consider myself to be an activist. The more I travel round the country the more I see what people have in common” he harps on. And what does he have in common with Dave? Private education and posh accent for one. Grey went to the £11, 643 per annum RGS Newcastle…

WATCH: Pie Minister’s Eating Tour Goes Global

Coverage of Cameron’s calorie consuming, pie-tastic tour of Britain last week has gone global. John Oliver’s Daily Show spin-off Last Week Tonight is fascinated by the PM trolling Miliband over how to eat in public:

Sun readers will know the real secret behind Dave’s stump eating habits:

Normally conscious of his diet, Cameron has an unflattering cartoon of himself on his fridge at home to stop him snacking. But it’s not as easy on the road. Aware that he soon slips into a bad mood when his tummy starts to rumble, glamorous aide Gabby Bertin kept emergency snacks in her handbag. Is an expanding waistline a price worth paying to stop “Hangry” Dave doing a Clarkson before the election?

24 days to go…

Ashcroft Reaffirms Dave Bio Is Post Election

Boo! There was a growing school of thought that Lord Ashcroft would bring forward publication of has ‘gak and all’ biography of Cameron to this side of the election. Especially after he resigned the Tory whip and his seat in the Lords. Yet it is not to be: Call Me Dave is out for conference.

It seems he’s pretty grumpy about the whole thing though, writing on ConservativeHome:

“I have made it clear that my book, a collaboration with former Sunday Times Political Editor Isabel Oakeshott, will be objective. Nonetheless Cameron is suspicious. It is no secret that he dislikes the prospect of what he dismissively labels “the Ashcroft book”. We have tried, and failed, to persuade him to talk. While Seldon has had full co-operation from Number 10 (I am told “everybody” – from Ed Llewellyn, Cameron’s chief of staff, down – has been encouraged to make time for the historian) the Prime Minister has shut the doors to us. Letters to relatives requesting interviews have gone unanswered, and senior aides know he does not want them to help. Some individuals who were willing to talk to us in principle but wanted Downing Street’s blessing were repeatedly stonewalled. Cameron’s strategy appears to be: put up the shutters, then rubbish the book on the basis that we have had no access.”

It’s going to be an expensive academic exercise if Dave is not the PM come September…

Boris Lets Slip That Jo Johnson is Still Writing Tory Manifesto Today

Boris has gone violently off message in a speech in the West Country, calling for the government to: “Bring back hunting to Exmoor, whilst always respecting the feelings and indeed the wishes of the animals.” The Western Morning News reports on the Mayor’s visit to Dulverton Town Hall, where he “intrigued the audience with other pre-election promises such as an NHS for animals, making Scrabble an Olympic sport, and a bid to open Britain’s borders to citizens of “Eurozone disaster areas like Italy”, but only if they agreed to help hill farmers at lambing time”:

Number one – abolish VAT on hearing aids.

Two: apply to the UN for the immediate recognition of the superior intelligence of rats, geese and other animals…”

Best received was a call to “bring back manners in young people” and make them eat crisps with a knife and fork…”

Banter aside and most intriguingly, Boris let slip that the Tory manifesto – due imminently – is still being written:

“Our family does not have good reputation for meeting deadlines. My brother Joseph (MP for Orpington) has had to go to London today after someone rang before breakfast – probably the Prime Minister – reminding him he had to write 4,000 words for the Conservative manifesto.”

Well it can’t be as rubbish as their 2010 one.

WATCH: Dave’s Desk Thumper

Via PA

#MassDebate #ThugLife

Well this was almost inevitable…

Cameron Gets Last Word at Thursday’s Debate

ITV have released the speaking order for Thursday night’s debate:

The PM on podium 7 gets the final word…

 

Dave Feels the Heat

Forget Paxo, Dave is grilled by Heat magazine in a video interview worth looking out for later in the week. Has Miliband even given a print interview this month?

Cam Slums It in Commons Canteen Post-PMQs

Making a change from his usual post-PMQs roast beef and claret in the Members’ Dining Room, Dave took Sam and the kids to the Commons canteen for lunch today. Looks like Nancy has ended her Clarkson hunger strike too. Didn’t daddy do them proud?

Via Instagram

Cameron Heckled By Pensioners at Age UK Rally

Via Telegraph

Crosby Declares: “I’d S**k Off David Cameron”

It’s all go down under. In a wide-ranging pre-election intervention, the cast of Geordie Shore, MTV’s Newcastle-based genitourinary gorefest, have had their say on the party leaders. True blue Charlotte Crosby brings the PM some positive news, at last:

“I’d s**k off David Cameron”


One way to shut him up…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Alan Sugar on Jeremy Corbyn:

“It’s clear you alluded to students refunds to get votes from young impressionable people. You are a cheat and should resign.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
IPSO Throws Out Baroness Scotland Complaints IPSO Throws Out Baroness Scotland Complaints
100% Inheritance Tax: Stupid or Evil? 100% Inheritance Tax: Stupid or Evil?
Paul Mason’s Play in 60 Seconds Paul Mason’s Play in 60 Seconds
Sunday Shows Sunday Shows
City Confident as Hiring Rates Rocket City Confident as Hiring Rates Rocket
Watch: Best Maiden Speech of 2017 Intake Watch: Best Maiden Speech of 2017 Intake
Child Protection Investigation ‘Stalled to Help Labour’ Child Protection Investigation ‘Stalled to Help Labour’
Davis Accepts Donations from Top Blairite and TV Remainer Davis Accepts Donations from Top Blairite and TV Remainer
BBC #NotOnTheList Stars Paid Via Production Companies BBC #NotOnTheList Stars Paid Via Production Companies
Pants-Wearing Councillor Boasted He Had “Vaz in My Right Pocket” Pants-Wearing Councillor Boasted He Had “Vaz in My Right Pocket”
Champion: ‘Not Possible’ to Keep Student Debt Promise Champion: ‘Not Possible’ to Keep Student Debt Promise
BBC Rich List Revealed: Salaries In Full BBC Rich List Revealed: Salaries In Full
Torbynista Greening Loses Fight for New Money Torbynista Greening Loses Fight for New Money
New Labour Spinner Boasted of Bullying Angela Eagle New Labour Spinner Boasted of Bullying Angela Eagle
Remainers Behind Smears and Negative Briefings Remainers Behind Smears and Negative Briefings
Byline Fined For Defamation in First Impress Ruling Byline Fined For Defamation in First Impress Ruling
Freedom From Abuse Not Abuse of Freedom Freedom From Abuse Not Abuse of Freedom
Milne & Blonde Pictured in Restaurant Milne & Blonde Pictured in Restaurant
Corbyn Spends Evening With Assad Loving Genocide Denier Corbyn Spends Evening With Assad Loving Genocide Denier