Civil Servants Given Lesson in Avoiding Procrastination… During Work Hours

Lessons in crystal healing, Q&As with witches, how not to tweet, countless LGBTQIA+ lectures: just some of the many examples of how taxpayer cash is thrown around in the Civil Service nowadays. Such is the problem of fatigue and sluggish productivity that Boris appointed Jacob Rees-Mogg as a near full-time minister to deal with the problem at the last reshuffle. Guido now knows for certain mandarins are taking the absolute mickey: a mole in the Northern Irish Civil Service has come across an event being advertised for civil servants on how to “beat procrastination”. During work hours…

The event, set to take place next Wednesday from 11am to 12pm, will teach our beleaguered and demoralised home working public servants how to avoid “putting off a task”, and then feeling stressed as a result:

“In this session. Mary Curran from Inspire will help you to:

  • identify areas where you procrastinate and why you feel like you have no time
  • explore the self-limiting beliefs and excuses that are holding you back
  • identify the three top areas that need your attention
  • explore different tools to better manage your time
  • find your focus”

If any civil servants find procrastination such an issue, Guido will be more than happy to take your name and recommend you for the first swathe of sackings in the forthcoming government austerity drive…

mdi-timer 10 June 2022 @ 16:59 10 Jun 2022 @ 16:59 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Home Office Civil Servants Mutiny Over Rwanda

The internal resistance against the Home Office’s Rwanda policy is now spilling out into the open. After Guido revealed civil servants were using an internal forum to discuss ways of undermining the policy – with some complaining it was affecting their mental health and considering strike action – the civil service mandarins have now created a Twitter account and campaign page to try and halt deportations ahead of the first flight set for 14th June. This breaking just a day after lefty lawyers announced they were also trying to block the move…

The staffers’ Twitter account, dubbed “Our Home Office“, was set up last month, although it’s only in the last week or so that it’s ramped up its output and started attracting attention. It’s gained around 2,000 new followers in the last 48 hours. As expected, it’s full of self-congratulatory bilge about how “respectful, compassionate, courageous and collaborative” its anonymous members are, and encouraging more civil servants to sign up for its mailing list and join the resistance:

The “repressed world” of the Home Office? These are unelected bureaucrats with a duty to remain impartial and enact government policy. The only people in the department with a democratic mandate are the ministers.

They’re also leaving “refugees welcome” stickers outside Home Office buildings across the country, as if a few love hearts stuck to bins will change government policy. Here’s one outside the UK Visa & Immigration centre in Sheffield…

A Home Office source tells Guido:

“The majority of officials are hard working and diligent but currently being undermined by a small cabal determined to frustrate the policies of the government of the day.”

Five days until the first flight is due to take off…

mdi-timer 9 June 2022 @ 11:39 9 Jun 2022 @ 11:39 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Taxpayer-Funded Quango to Scour Rwanda Policy for “Errors or Omissions of Fact”

Whitehall mandarins are once again mobilising to thwart the government’s Rwanda immigration policy. Having already faced internal outrage from Home Office civil servants, the Independent Advisory Group on Country Information (IAGCI) has now announced it is inviting tenders for a body to “review” government documents on the policy and scour it for “specific errors or omissions of fact”. Here we go again…

The review will involve:

“Assessing the extent to which information from source documents has been appropriately and accurately reflected in the… reports” and “noting and correcting any specific errors or omissions of fact”.

This follows the Independent Chief Inspector of Borders and Immigration (IAGCI), David Neal, demanding the Home Office proves that Rwanda is a safe country – now they’ve submitted those documents, there’s still apparently a need for a quango review. In fairness, the ICIBI’s team insists it follows the “Civil Service Values” of integrity, honesty, objectivity, and impartiality. Just like all those Home Office quislings who plotted to “organise and resist” the plans…

mdi-timer 12 May 2022 @ 13:49 12 May 2022 @ 13:49 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Civil Service’s Latest Woke Diversity Hiring Spree

If the government is really promising to cut £5.5 billion in waste over the next year, the public sector obviously hasn’t got the memo yet. In the last few weeks, HMRC, Homes England, and UK Research and Innovation have all published new job listings for ‘Diversity and Inclusion’ managers with salaries starting at £43,523, and rising all the way up to £72,202. Take comfort in knowing when the taxman / woman / person / gender outlaw raids your pockets, they’re doing it in a diverse and inclusive way…

In 2020, Homes England – which until now, Guido assumed was responsible for building more houses – published its inaugural Equality, Diversity and Inclusion report, which included a list of the diversity team’s achievements in its first year. Here’s a taste of what their new hire will be building on:

  • Introduction of gender neutral toilets in some of our offices.

  • Creation of external networks to improve inclusivity within the property and construction industries

  • Contributing to the development of a diversity calendar to drive ongoing engagement with colleagues.

Forget the housing crisis: at least some of the Homes England offices have gender neutral toilets.

The Equality Act 2010 and the public sector equality duty (PSED), which necessitates that public bodies must “have due regard to the need to eliminate discrimination, advance equality of opportunity and foster good relations between different people when carrying out their activities”, doesn’t say this requires whole teams of dedicated diversity and inclusion staff collecting top salaries courtesy of the taxpayer. All the responsibilities legally required in the Equality Act could – and should – be absorbed into an existing HR department’s remit…

As Elliot Keck, investigations campaign manager at the TaxPayers’ Alliance, laments

“Taxpayers are sick of paying for diversity non-jobs. These latest hires by unquenchable quangos simply add insult to injury. Government bodies should scrap these unnecessary posts.”

Unfortunately, the job at UK Research and Innovation closed last night, although HMRC and Homes England are still happily accepting new applications for a while longer. If you miss out, don’t worry. Just keep refreshing the civil service job board and wait for another role to show up…
mdi-timer 22 April 2022 @ 16:39 22 Apr 2022 @ 16:39 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
EXCLUSIVE: Home Office Civil Service Enemies Within Propose Strikes in Rwandan Rebellion

Home Office civil servants used an officially organised online consultation this afternoon to discuss the recently-announced Rwanda policy, asking how to potentially block the move, comparing themselves to Nazis “only obeying orders”, proposed going on strike and questioned how to deal with their mental health in light of the policy. It shows conclusive evidence of the scale of left-wing opposition facing Patel and the government from within the civil service. It follows news from the weekend that Patel had to issue a ministerial direction to force the policy through.

The comments unearthed by Guido, from the departmental forum, came despite an official warning to participants to abide by their commitment to civil service neutrality. On this point one mandarin said “being impartial is one thing, however should we not be afforded the opportunity to challenge policies we can clearly see are a disaster waiting to happen?” Multiple comments bemoaned the effect the Home Office’s latest policy directive was having on their mental health, as well as the problem of saying what their job is around fellow liberal metropolitan friends…

This is the scale of opposition Priti Patel is facing at the moment from the enemies within, despite her and her fellow ministers being the only people in the department with democratic mandates. While Jacob Rees-Mogg and Simon Clarke are publicly promising to cull the number of civil servants, Guido can see a very obvious place the start…

mdi-timer 20 April 2022 @ 22:15 20 Apr 2022 @ 22:15 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Civil Servants Use Working Hours Learning How to Avoid Tweeting

Spare a thought for Northern Ireland’s civil servants, who are so overworked and under-slept they’re now being given lectures on beating stress and mindfulness to cope with the strains of it all… in the middle of the working day. A new internal memo reveals how miserable civil servants now have the opportunity to sign up for three separate lectures – each an hour in length – to soothe their minds as they go about their taxpayer-funded work. Is Rishi reading this?

The first lecture, “mindfulness for busy minds“, starts next Tuesday:

“Do you feel like you don’t have a minute for yourself, never mind time to do all the things you need to get done in a day? Do you find yourself thinking all the time? Find it hard to concentrate, or to get to sleep at night because your mind is still in overdrive? If the answer is yes to any of these, then this event is for you. Mindfulness for Busy Minds is an introduction to the calming benefits of mindfulness. In this session. Patrick Mcllwee of New Ways NI will show how you can release tension caused by overthinking. breathe through strong emotions and settle the mind for concentration or sleep.”

The next lecture is on “managing stress“, although they’ve really saved the best for last: “No Tweeting While You’re Eating“. Whilst specific details aren’t yet listed, Guido’s dug around to find previous lectures on the subject for other bodies, with one recently given to the Northern Ireland Safety Group. It does what it says on the tin. They’ll be taught how to stop aimlessly scrolling Twitter during their lunch breaks.

Civil servants are now presumably so distracted by social media at work that their managers are imposing an intervention during working hours. Save the date…

mdi-timer 23 March 2022 @ 11:47 23 Mar 2022 @ 11:47 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
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