Tory Social Media Blitz “Stop the Arguing”

This is the new Tory advert rolling out on social media everywhere urging an end to arguing. This is a refinement along the lines of the popular hashtag #BOBPTD “Bored of Brexit Pass the Deal”…

CCHQ Releases lo fi boriswave beats to relax/get brexit done to

The official Conservative YouTube account has released a 71-minute long lo-fi ‘Boriswave’ video “to relax/get Brexit done to”. Sadly Guido can confirm it has not yet been played in the background of CCHQ, but staff are campaigning to put it on later this afternoon…

‘Lo-fi Chill Beats Study Mix’ is a popular genre of long-form video on YouTube featuring relaxing trip-hop and hip-hop backing tracks that people often put on in the background to relax or study to. The genre has spun off popular parodies ranging from Waluigiwave to Moggwave. The Tories’ digital gurus Topham & Guerin are making sure this election is nothing like 2017…

The comments are – unusually for a political video – open, and overwhelmingly positive towards the Tories’ new video.

After some rocky polls yesterday, can Boriswave turn things around for the Tories..?

Twitter Threaten CCHQ Over ‘FactCheck’ Rebrand Stunt

The cheeky move by CCHQ to rebrand themselves as a fact-checking account during last night’s debate may have got everyone talking, but could backfire as Twitter have said “Any further attempts to mislead people by editing verified profile information – in a manner seen during the UK Election Debate – will result in decisive corrective action”. Judging by the backlash this wasn’t so much a dead cat as a dead elephant…

Even right-wingers like Julia Hartley-Brewer and Susanne Evans called on CCHQ to reverse the rebrand, calling it “plain wrong” and “very stupid”. As Emily Maitlis then later pointed out, Boris was, in fact, answering questions in the debate on integrity at the same time as CCHQ was pretending to be something it wasn’t…

Still, not the worst interview performance Emily’s sat through this week…

Guido’s still waiting for the commentariat’s reciprocal outrage towards Labour’s own ‘fact-checking’ account, which, even worse than CCHQ’s stunt, doesn’t mention its Labour origins in either its name or its handle.

CCHQ’s Twitter backlash wasn’t the biggest faux pas on the social media site last night, however, as Alastair Campbell rebranded his account as ‘Boris Johnson’ and posted a number of misogynistic tweets, with one particularly distasteful one directed at Carrie.

When he changed his name back it kind of backfired:

He really didn’t think that through did he?

Tories’ Trolling With New Bus Graphic

Following on from their successful sh*tposting season of comic sans graphics, Guido particularly enjoyed this graphic from CCHQ put out last night, echoing the memory of Vote Leave.


He might not be running the campaign, but the blood of Dominic Cummings is still running through it…

Time Since We Didn’t Brexit

Channel 4 have received photographic evidence of what Guido confirmed on Friday – CCHQ have updated their clock to avoid embarrassment. 

Via Harriet Baldwin

Tories Trying to Avoid Brexit Countdown Embarrassment

113 days ago, the Tories installed big countdown clocks in CCHQ and Downing Street displaying how many days until Brexit. Rather awkwardly, however, Brexit is now no longer 1 day away, but 93 days away thanks to the latest extension. This is second-hand news…

CCHQ are now fretting over how to address the situation which is sure to rile derision on social media and are considering abandoning the Brexit countdown all together and switching to an election countdown. Meanwhile, Guido hears a whiteboard in the Downing Street Press Office that used to contain a written-on countdown has been erased all-together and replaced with a smiley face. A very forced smile Guido presumes…

CLOCK UPDATE: Day 4, CCHQ clock still claims the UK is leaving the EU in 13 hours…

CCHQ Troll Commentariat with Comic Sans Graphics

The big point of discussion on the Twittersphere today has been over CCHQ’s recent graphic output, with their new choice of garish colours and elaborate fonts. Less so eye-catching, more so eye-watering…

The new memes are being thought up by the party’s new digital gurus Topham & Guerin, brought in by campaign director Isaac Levido off the back of the Australian Tories’ election victory; in which they used deliberately mockable memes and graphics to get people talking. CCHQ’s deliberately less corporate-looking, more light-hearted approach under Boris is getting flack on Twitter. In response to the mockery the party just put out this comic sans font graphic:

Another sign, if one were needed, that the Tory election campaign machine is going to be very different this time round…

UPDATE: CCHQ clearly whipping MPs to spread their new viral graphics…

Tories Rush Candidate Selection in Rudd’s Seat

The Tories have finally and definitively closed the door on any return Amber Rudd may have been hoping for, by opening candidate selections in her seat of Hastings and Rye. Before her expulsion she was in two minds about hopping to a safer seat for the next election anyway…

Ahead of an inevitable election, the Tories have also opened selections in

  • Meriden – retiring Caroline Spelman’s seat
  • Ruislip, Northwood & Pinner – retiring Nick Hurd’s seat
  • Sevenoaks – retiring Sir Michael Fallon’s seat

Seats with an average majority of 18,365. Ripe pickings for prospective careerists, though you need to get your application in by this Friday…

James Cleverly Admits Most Tory MPs Can’t Go To Manchester

Tory Chairman James Cleverly has messaged Tory MPs to outline how Conservative Party Conference will work now that prorogation is over and a short recess has been rejected. Presumably, so MPs can argue about calling each other turkeys some more…

His message concedes “it will not be possible for most colleagues to travel to Manchester” before promising CCHQ will try to facilitate “getting as many of us there as possible, even if only for a short period.” CCHQ will be determining which events are “of priority” and, for the MPs it approves, will be reimbursing travel from Monday-Wednesday.

Read the full message below:

Continue reading

CCHQ Sends Lobby ‘Jeremy’s Frightened and Chicken’

Following Boris’s PMQs’ joke that Corbyn is a chlorinated chicken for u-turning on wanting an election, CCHQ has got creative today by sending journalists buckets and buckets of ‘JFC’ (Jeremy’s Frightened and Chicken).

In an accompanying letter to members of the Lobby, CCHQ wrote:

FOWL PLAY.

Move over Colonel. Jeremy Corbyn’s the new biggest chicken in town. He’s been saying he wants an election for nearly two years – but now he’s running scared from one.

Jeremy Corbyn and Labour don’t respect public votes, and their Surrender Bill means more dither and delay on Brexit. When it comes to Brexit, Jeremy Corbyn’s winging it.

The choice is clear. Does Boris Johnson lead negotiations with the EU on 17th October? Or does Jeremy Corbyn do eggsactly what Brussels says, meaning a bad deal for Britain, more uncertainty, and more delay?

People need the chance to make that choice, so we can move on as a country. Jeremy Corbyn needs to pluck up the courage to back an election.

Whilst members of the Lobby have derided the move as a PR cluck up, it’s certainly got everyone talking…

CCHQ has Unchecked Power to Deselect Hammond

Philip Hammond, the former Chancellor turned leading advocate of what Downing Street are terming “the Surrender Bill”, took to the airwaves this morning to whine about the possibility of being deselected for the mere misdemeanour of siding against the Government in an effective confidence vote. He made it clear that he thinks he is undeselectable…

“I don’t believe they [have the power to stop me standing], and there would be the fight of a lifetime if they tried to.”

“A legal fight if necessary?”

“Possibly.”

Unfortunately for Phil there are plenty of precedents in his party for senior MPs to be deselected by the central party. in 2005, Michael Howard controversially deselected former Deputy Party Chairman Howard Flight for harming the Tories’ electoral prospects. Hammond clearly doesn’t know the party rules as well as he thinks he does. Adrian Hilton took the party to court in a not dissimilar case and lost. The Conservative Party rules are very clear; the central party has the final say…

If Hammond is one of a dozen or so Tories who vote to neuter their Government and put a Marxist in Downing Street, the rules are clear. They’re out…

UPDATE: Runnymede and Weybridge is selecting a new candidate.

CCHQ Target Wollaston With Attack Ads

Now Sarah Wollaston has joined the LibDems she is fair game as far as her former party is concerned. CCHQ are talking, not unfairly, about betrayal and her failure to accept and respect the vote as she promised. She’ll have a fight to hold the seat, if she is even selected as the local Lib Dem candidate

Tory Associations Begin Hiring for General Election

Local Tory Associations are contributing to the worst-kept secret in Westminster – that we are soon heading for a general election – by posting a slew of adverts for campaign managers as they ramp up preparations for Britain going to the polls. Six vacancies have been posted in just the last 5 days…

Boris notably failed to rule out an election in his ‘People’s PMQs’ today, while Damian Hinds’s accidental email leak yesterday was another sign that election preparations are underway. While the Tories are ramping up, Jeremy Corbyn remains on holiday in Romania, while his followers are yet to begin their deselection campaigns against their “centrist” MPs…

Tories Push for Senior Campaigner’s Expulsion

On Saturday night, rising young Tory star Elena Bunbury tweeted a public statement accusing a senior Tory activist of the sexual harassment – including an incident of public masturbation during a discussion panel – she and other young women in the Conservative Party have experiencing from a senior party member over several years.[…] Read the rest

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CCHQ Desperate for Boris Bounce Bank Balance Boost

CCHQ’s coffers have not been in the greatest of shapes since many of their big donors went dry in frustration at the party’s failure to deliver Brexit. The fact that the annual budget has ballooned from around £8 million per year to nearer £20 million per year hasn’t helped, largely due to vast staff increases as part of the Campaign Manager programme.[…] Read the rest

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Tory Remainer MP Launches “Coup” to Seize Personal Control of Local Conservatives

Former business minister Richard Harrington enjoyed a fleeting moment in the spotlight earlier this year when he repeatedly threatened to resign over Brexit, directly denied he had ever threatened to resign, and then promptly resigned. Bye!

Now he’s on even more eccentric manoeuvres, this time in his constituency of Watford.[…] Read the rest

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Tories Invite Parliamentary Candidates to First Official Leadership Hustings

Prospective Tory Parliamentary candidates have been emailed by CCHQ with details of the first of sixteen hustings for the final two candidates to take place over the next two months. The nationwide hustings tour kicks off in Birmingham on 22nd June before ending in London in the week of 15th July.[…] Read the rest

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CCHQ Staffer Breaks Rules By Promoting Cleverly

All CCHQ employees were told last week that if they wish to support a candidate they would have to take unpaid leave, but over the weekend one of three CCHQ ‘Youth Officers’ Ryan Stoneman has invited friends to like a Cleverly for Leader page and shared the ‘win with Cleverly’ website on his Facebook account.[…] Read the rest

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CCHQ Phone-a-Friend

Some say CCHQ are having trouble getting Tory activists to do Euro-canvassing, not true, look that at chap on the right having fun at a CCHQ phone canvassing session cajoling people to vote for his wife. CCHQ has summoned all staff to a meeting this evening.[…] Read the rest

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Cash Strapped Tories Advertising for New Members

Donations to the Tories have been drying up, with both big Remain and Leave donors unhappy with the party’s leadership. Now CCHQ has started a new mainstream media ad blitz to recruit more members. If the comments section of MailOnline is anything to go by they might be wasting their remaining money…[…] Read the rest

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