Runners and Riders: CCHQ’s New Home

The news of CCHQ’s decampment from London came as no real surprise to the commentariat given it’s an easy PR win for Boris; the real question now is where the Tories’ cabal of young Oxbridge graduates are going to be forced to travel.

Guido understands the most accurate guesses at the moment involve two factors: avoiding liberal cities such as Manchester, York, or Durham (which would defeat the purpose of leaving London) and ensuring easy transport connections to London. So Guido brings you the runners and riders…

East Coast Mainline:

  • Grantham – fittingly the home town of Margaret Thatcher…
  • Newark – a seat held by Gladstone back when he was a Conservative…
  • Wakefield – home of the National Coal Mining Museum…
  • Northallerton – it even has the word North in the name!..
  • Darlington – heartland of the New Tory North…
  • Lincoln – lovely cathedral…

North West Mainline:

  • Tamworth – birthplace of the Conservative Party…
  • Rugby – sounds posh. probably not one to go for…
  • Lichfield – as long as they’re not sucked off by HS2 on the train station platform…
  • Crewe – a natural place for team spirit…
  • Stoke-On-Trent – all three Stoke constituencies are now Tory held. This move would help keep it that way…
  • Chester – like Manchester, but more gender-inclusive…
  • Stockport – Tories do like to have a good stock of port on hand…
mdi-timer 17th January 2020 @ 5:00 pm 17th Jan 2020 @ 5:00 pm mdi-comment Comments
Number 10 Wants CCHQ Moved Out of London

ConservativeHome are reporting No. 10 is looking to move CCHQ out of its current Westminster base of 4 Matthew Parker Street. The Downing Street plan is to move it to the north or the midlands – only running “a small office in London but maybe up by King’s Cross.” To clarify, we’re talking about CCHQ – not GCHQ as Adam Boulton thought

CCHQ staff have not responded well to the news. Guido hears the immediate response from multiple staff within Matthew Parker Street was “I’m not moving out of f**king London.” Staff tell Guido the general response is “like wtf”…

In true Cummings style, ConHome were told the new central office should have “good train links, well placed in political terms”, as well as being “reasonably close to a university with good maths/physics departments” for a top-class data team. No one tell Carole…

UPDATE: Guido hears that Blue Collar Conservatives have been lobbying for a move similar to this behind the scenes, calling for a a personnel shakeup not just a displacement of the same London set. Last week Eddie Hughes made a public call for it…

mdi-timer 15th January 2020 @ 9:56 am 15th Jan 2020 @ 9:56 am mdi-comment Comments
Cleverly’s Massive Clock Re-Erected

One of the immediate changes Cummings brought in was putting up Vote Leave style countdown timers in Downing Street and CCHQ to note the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until the UK leaves the EU. Given the failure to Brexit on October 31st however, CCHQ tried to avoid an embarrassing climb down of having to re-set the clock. The No. 10 press office simply erased their whiteboard countdown altogether and replaced it with a smiley face…

Eventually, the Tories rebranded it to ‘Time since we should have left the EU if Labour, Lib Dems and the SNP hadn’t blocked Brexit’. The original clock is now back just in time, with 21 days to go. Let’s hope for no more countdown clock-ups…

mdi-timer 10th January 2020 @ 12:00 pm 10th Jan 2020 @ 12:00 pm mdi-comment Comments
CCHQ’s Exit Poll Reaction

Fair to say that CCHQ’s reaction to the Exit Poll was slightly more positive than in the sullen studios of Channel 4 or Novara Media…

mdi-timer 16th December 2019 @ 12:30 pm 16th Dec 2019 @ 12:30 pm mdi-comment Comments
Tory Social Media Blitz “Stop the Arguing”

This is the new Tory advert rolling out on social media everywhere urging an end to arguing. This is a refinement along the lines of the popular hashtag #BOBPTD “Bored of Brexit Pass the Deal”…

mdi-timer 7th December 2019 @ 10:28 am 7th Dec 2019 @ 10:28 am mdi-comment Comments
CCHQ Releases lo fi boriswave beats to relax/get brexit done to

The official Conservative YouTube account has released a 71-minute long lo-fi ‘Boriswave’ video “to relax/get Brexit done to”. Sadly Guido can confirm it has not yet been played in the background of CCHQ, but staff are campaigning to put it on later this afternoon…

‘Lo-fi Chill Beats Study Mix’ is a popular genre of long-form video on YouTube featuring relaxing trip-hop and hip-hop backing tracks that people often put on in the background to relax or study to. The genre has spun off popular parodies ranging from Waluigiwave to Moggwave. The Tories’ digital gurus Topham & Guerin are making sure this election is nothing like 2017…

The comments are – unusually for a political video – open, and overwhelmingly positive towards the Tories’ new video.

After some rocky polls yesterday, can Boriswave turn things around for the Tories..?

mdi-timer 26th November 2019 @ 10:50 am 26th Nov 2019 @ 10:50 am mdi-comment Comments
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