The Tories have selected Nigel Gardner as the candidate for the new constituency of Harpenden & Berkhamsted. His dedication to the Tory party doesn’t exactly have a long history…

Gardner must have forgotten to mention his Labour past – he was the Labour candidate for Tory heartland Suffolk Coastal for Westminster in 2001, and Brussels in 2004 and 2009. He also fought for the Lichfield seat in 2005, in a losing effort against none other than… Michael Fabricant. Fabbers tells Guido that despite their past political differences, Gardner “was rather a cut above the other candidates Lichfield Labour Party usually select”, and “we both found it rather awkward that in the GE hustings we agreed on most things.” Fabbers won with 48.6% of the vote compared to Gardner’s 32.4%…

Now Gardner’s damascene conversion is complete, and he’ll wear a blue rosette at the next general election. Fabbers claims he later met up with his defeated opponent for drinks on the House of Commons Terrace, and they had a “very interesting chat“. Apparently Michael was the one who suggested he joined the Tories in the first place…

As Conservative safe seats across the country look to select the next generation of Conservative MPs, it’s worth taking a look at the processes in place to choose our future leaders. Guido has got his hands on the rules for Conservative Associations’ selections of candidates, and there are some interesting titbits amongst the procedural dullness. Even though the government talks a big game on woke corporations’ EDI policies, the Conservative Party themselves have deployed diversity quotas for age, ethnicity and gender:

“the Sifting Committee must comprise a minimum of one woman and one young person under the age of 30. The additional Association members of the Committee should reflect the different interests of the constituency, i.e. should have a balance of gender, age and ethnicity.”

At a guess Guido thinks these changes were initiated under David Cameron to push associations to select fewer candidates who were stale, male and pale. The guidance also describes the procedure for CCHQ’s stitch-ups in favour of carpet-bagging MPs. MPs on the displaced candidates list are allowed to walk straight through to the final stage for any seat in their region. All ‘displaced MPs’ also have the right to jump straight to the interview stage for every seat in the country, whilst any who still haven’t found a new home by the next election will be gifted a spot on CCHQ’s last-minute selections short-list.

In addition, the document outlines the tasks would-be MPs have to face including a “connect calling exercise” and a “street stall exercise” and includes details on a lesser-known “refer back motion”. The motion can be proposed before the final vote, giving members a secret ballot on whether to refer back the selection – as attempted in Bromsgrove over the weekend. If approved the entire selection process must be “halted and must start again from scratch”. The Conservative Democratic Organisation should take note…

Co-conspirators can read the full guidance below:
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As continued reports of Whitehall going woke hit the press, the government has repeatedly pledged to clamp down on the excesses of identity politics. Embarrassingly the message hasn’t reached CCHQ, well and truly captured by woke culture warriors. The Telegraph reports that Conservative candidates themselves are being given “unconscious bias” training. As Suella Braverman pledged a review into “woke nonsense” in the Home Office, she might want to start a little closer to home…

Candidates are lectured on “microaggressions” and educated on inclusive terminologies – from “polygender” to “affirmed gender”. After completing the training, candidates are then quizzed on what they learned, with one expecting candidates to confirm that “white resentment” is a significant problem for BAME employees.

The lessons also lecture on microaggressions, such as asking a black colleague “why does your hair not look like ours?”.

Would-be MPs are also advised against immodest behaviour, like being alone with a member of the opposite sex, when it might contradict someone’s religion. Admittedly it’s not the worst PR headache CCHQ’s dealing with…