While Tory leadership hopefuls give exalted speeches the central party machine is running on fumes. Guido hears Matt Lane and Gareth Fox, both top-level staff in the Candidates Department, took voluntary redundancy and are out of the door. The same goes for the vast remainder of the team…

The department is naturally responsible for sourcing Tory candidates for election and its representatives get sent to association selection meetings to oversee events. A hiring round is in order shortly but HQ sources say the coffers are rather empty…

Co-conspirators report a large number of CCHQ staff are still off on holiday. Meanwhile, the party’s break clause on its pricey 4 Matthew Parker Street headquarters is fast approaching. Tory bean-counters might be minded to trigger it…

CCHQ have been scrambling to find Tory candidates for seats ever since Sunak’s helpful decision to call a snap election. It was reported by Michael Crick that the day after Sunak’s announcement, there were 190 Tory vacancies. Nominations officially close tomorrow, though it looks like CCHQ are still struggling to fill all the spots…

The exact number of vacancies is unknown, though there are reports that they still have around 80 spaces left to fill. If that is the case, it’s possible that not all seats will have a Tory candidate, with the deadline just over 24 hours away. Tory SpAds who have been parachuted by CCHQ into safe seats – such as the likes of Tanner, Goss and Clarke – have royally upset the local Tories. Even SpAd Alice Hopkin has been sent up to be the Tory candidate in a Labour safe seat – an area “she can’t wait get to know”. While other Tory locals tell Guido of their rage that CCHQ de-selected David Duguid and parachuted Scottish Conservative Leader Douglas Ross into the safe seat of Banff and Buchan. They say it has nothing to do with Duguid being “unwell“. Shafting the local associations in this way is not something members will forget…

Meanwhile, outrage over Tory Chair Richard Holden bagging a safe seat – courtesy of him being the only candidate in the selection process – doesn’t look set to die down. One Tory MP tells Guido they are “still furious”, and that there is a “settled white cold anger” over the stitch-up. It appears the turmoil for Holden isn’t over yet either. A Tory source tells Guido:

“When a ship is sinking and everyone’s running for the lifeboats, someone is expected to shout ‘women and children first’. In this case, Richard Holden, shouted ‘me first’ – then left dozens of Tory MPs and candidates on the Titanic looking desperately for the lifeboat he has obtained.”

Holden may be heading into unchartered waters…

The Tories have selected Nigel Gardner as the candidate for the new constituency of Harpenden & Berkhamsted. His dedication to the Tory party doesn’t exactly have a long history…

Gardner must have forgotten to mention his Labour past – he was the Labour candidate for Tory heartland Suffolk Coastal for Westminster in 2001, and Brussels in 2004 and 2009. He also fought for the Lichfield seat in 2005, in a losing effort against none other than… Michael Fabricant. Fabbers tells Guido that despite their past political differences, Gardner “was rather a cut above the other candidates Lichfield Labour Party usually select”, and “we both found it rather awkward that in the GE hustings we agreed on most things.” Fabbers won with 48.6% of the vote compared to Gardner’s 32.4%…

Now Gardner’s damascene conversion is complete, and he’ll wear a blue rosette at the next general election. Fabbers claims he later met up with his defeated opponent for drinks on the House of Commons Terrace, and they had a “very interesting chat“. Apparently Michael was the one who suggested he joined the Tories in the first place…

As Conservative safe seats across the country look to select the next generation of Conservative MPs, it’s worth taking a look at the processes in place to choose our future leaders. Guido has got his hands on the rules for Conservative Associations’ selections of candidates, and there are some interesting titbits amongst the procedural dullness. Even though the government talks a big game on woke corporations’ EDI policies, the Conservative Party themselves have deployed diversity quotas for age, ethnicity and gender:

“the Sifting Committee must comprise a minimum of one woman and one young person under the age of 30. The additional Association members of the Committee should reflect the different interests of the constituency, i.e. should have a balance of gender, age and ethnicity.”

At a guess Guido thinks these changes were initiated under David Cameron to push associations to select fewer candidates who were stale, male and pale. The guidance also describes the procedure for CCHQ’s stitch-ups in favour of carpet-bagging MPs. MPs on the displaced candidates list are allowed to walk straight through to the final stage for any seat in their region. All ‘displaced MPs’ also have the right to jump straight to the interview stage for every seat in the country, whilst any who still haven’t found a new home by the next election will be gifted a spot on CCHQ’s last-minute selections short-list.

In addition, the document outlines the tasks would-be MPs have to face including a “connect calling exercise” and a “street stall exercise” and includes details on a lesser-known “refer back motion”. The motion can be proposed before the final vote, giving members a secret ballot on whether to refer back the selection – as attempted in Bromsgrove over the weekend. If approved the entire selection process must be “halted and must start again from scratch”. The Conservative Democratic Organisation should take note…

Co-conspirators can read the full guidance below:
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As continued reports of Whitehall going woke hit the press, the government has repeatedly pledged to clamp down on the excesses of identity politics. Embarrassingly the message hasn’t reached CCHQ, well and truly captured by woke culture warriors. The Telegraph reports that Conservative candidates themselves are being given “unconscious bias” training. As Suella Braverman pledged a review into “woke nonsense” in the Home Office, she might want to start a little closer to home…

Candidates are lectured on “microaggressions” and educated on inclusive terminologies – from “polygender” to “affirmed gender”. After completing the training, candidates are then quizzed on what they learned, with one expecting candidates to confirm that “white resentment” is a significant problem for BAME employees.

The lessons also lecture on microaggressions, such as asking a black colleague “why does your hair not look like ours?”.

Would-be MPs are also advised against immodest behaviour, like being alone with a member of the opposite sex, when it might contradict someone’s religion. Admittedly it’s not the worst PR headache CCHQ’s dealing with…