December: Merry Brexmas

The finale of British Politics 2019 – indeed arguably of Brexit – did not disappoint; with Brexit secured and – at least in the eyes of the electorate if not the Labour Party – Corbynism dead and buried, the British public are entering the new decade with an abundance of optimismHere’s to a stonking new decade…

The last days of the election were filled with all the twists and turns one would expect, not least Guido’s front page-leading exclusive of Shadow Health Secretary Jonathan Ashworth admitting during a phone conversation that Corbyn would be a threat to national security and their dear leader was going to cost Labour the election.

The Abbotts also provided some extraordinary content, with Diane Abbott peaking on Election Day itself by wearing two left shoes at once (which, contrary to Corbynista claims, was entirely un-photoshopped), and earlier in the campaign with Guido’s exclusive that her son had been charged for biting a police officer.

Of course, Guido battled a sizeable hangover and lack of sleep to bring you post-election analysis, including our pundit of the night, Emma Dent Coad, the Corbynista breakdown, and one enjoyable observation that every single one of the defector MPs lost their seatsAlthough not quite as satisfying as watching Nish Kumar booed off stage

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November: Eye Test for Corbyn

With the election ramping up, Guido started becoming very concerned with the state of Corbyn. Not just his politics, doubts about his health started circulating. Guido was the first one to overtly ask what other publications had been hinting at for months: all the signs were there to point to Corbyn having had a stroke.

Not only was one eye becoming increasingly wonky, in spite of new anti-stroke glasses Corbyn was still struggling to read; holding a press conference and brandishing un-redacted leaked trade negotiation minutes, Corbyn claimed he had emphatic proof of Boris’s covert plans to sell the NHS off to Trump. As Guido was the only one to have copies of these supposed minutes, readers rushed to the site to realise Corbyn’s claims bore no reality to the contents of the documents. Guido was happy to provide a comparative analysis

Guido was also keen to pick up any other lies being floated during the election, not least when Corbyn finally admitted the less well off would pay more tax under his plans and – a particular favourite – when a Lib Dem candidate completely made up that she had won a Nobel Peace Prize. 

Just before Parliament dissolved for the election, we also finally got to say good riddance to John Bercow, who – after constantly moaning the Government was stifling Parliament’s ability to debate Brexit – filled up the order paper with hours of saccharine farewell eulogies. The Parliamentary circle jerk was more than mitigated by Lindsay Hoyle promising he will rip up Bercow’s remainer reforms however…

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October: Boris Bowls Over the Doomsters

October was a big month for MediaGuido, however our most read story ventured well away from our traditional political base and instead turned to the world of sports, when Guido revealed exclusive photos of Ben Stokes choking his wife, having to pick up considerable slack from the unwilling sports journalists who had been refusing to besmirch the name of the then national hero.

In October MediaGuido also reported on two big firings, namely Peter Osborne and Owen Bennett.

Guido also won applause from Westminster’s resident broadcasters for finally taking the eternally irritating Steve ‘Stop Brexit’ Bray to task for his years of imposing himself in the back of interviews

Returning to the ongoing Brexit crises, readers were astonished to watch the EU President admits he was working with John Bercow to block No Deal. Meanwhile Downing Street got rather feisty in the final days of negotiations when claiming Merkel had killed the chance of a deal. Ultimately Boris stunned everyone in managing to re-open the Withdrawal Agreement and scrap the Backstop – something Rory Stewart then conceded an apology for after months of emphatic scepticism. Turns out he needed to believe in the bin a bit more…

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September: Boris Goes Pro-Rogue

September proved to be Guido’s most read month ever, including hitting our most read day in the site’s history on the day of our 15th anniversary meal. Poignant…

The record readership came as little surprise, as we came to readers’ aid to explain every twist and turn of Boris’s first month as PM having to deal with meddling MPs. Particularly popular was our explainer on the Lords’ plan to attempt to block remainer legislation.

In the wake of Parliament’s anti-Brexit manoeuvres, Boris received a small boost in the form of a surprise endorsement from Arthur Scargill. Conversely it came as no surprise when Guido uncovered that an anti-Boris heckler in a hospital was in fact a long-time Labour activist and a former staffer of Emily Thornberry.

As ever Guido remained the first to bring you the biggest breaking news, including the shock Supreme Court ruling that Boris’s proroguing of Parliament had been unlawful. This ‘victory’ by Remainers however was counteracted by a number of complete meltdowns, including a Lib Dem candidate who insulted her potential constituents (resulting in her quitting), Lib Dem conference applauding Guy Verhofstadt’s call for the EU to become an empire and Konnie Huq’s viral breakdown.

Remainer’s increasing hysteria however paled in comparison to the confected faux outrage by Labour MPs over Boris’s use of the term ‘surrender bill’, with lefties claiming Boris was using inflammatory language and stoking hate. Naturally Guido was on hand to point out their brazen hypocrisy

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August: Randy Recess

Recess may have been in full swing and Westminster deserted by MPs, but that didn’t stop readers flocking to keep up to date with the most important stories of the day; namely to the stories that a couple chose to film a hard Brexit porno in front of Parliament, and ‘EU supergirl’ Madeleina Kay’s inter-railing holiday was being largely funded by a publicly randy remainer sugar daddyCan’t imagine why these ones were so popular…

While the raunchy political couple may have been breaking public decency laws, John McDonnell’s imprisoning priorities were instead directed to his political opposition, when he boasted Labour would invent a law to put Tories in prison.

MediaGuido also got a strong outing in August, with Guido’s calling out of Sky and BBC bias proving popular. Sky News used a ‘focus group’ which was stuffed full of Remain activists, the BBC finally admitted a “lapse of editorial standards over their absurd EU election graphics, and yet another Sky News correspondant went rogue in proffering they “hate the Tories”. One positive MediaGuido story however was announcing the poaching of our own Hugh Bennett by Jacob Rees-Mogg

The funniest story of the month was undoubtedly Caroline Lucas being ‘cancelled’ for suggesting an all-white ‘government of national unity’ to cancel Brexit. There’s always someone woker than you…

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July: A New Dawn Has Broken

July brought with it a new Prime Minister, and of course a very tough day for the punditocracy. Boris’ election was almost immediately followed by a brutal Cabinet re-shuffle with in total seventeen senior ministers either being fired or resigning. Night of the Blond Knives…

Bombastic first performance from the dispatch box as Prime Minister. Guido was the first to reveal that Isabel Oakeshott was suing The Guardian over a defamatory sexist smear against her. Soon afterwards the paper was forced to offer an expensive apology to the award-winning journalist.

The early signs were there (see above) that perhaps Jo Swinson was not a master strategist when she revealed that under no circumstances would she accept Brexit. “Bollocks to Voters” was her true slogan and they would later reply in kind…

New Green Party MEP Magid Magid discovered the sad true reality of Brussels.

Our headlineMet Police Slam Electoral Commission, Demolish Latest Loony Remoaner Lawsuit fails to convey the full contempt of the police for the fruitcakes that waged lawfare on Brexit. A theme that continued throughout the year…

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