SNP Discovers Joys of Free Trade

Guido was pleased to kick off Westminster’s party season last night at the Aussie High Commissioner’s residence over in Kensington, although guests weren’t actually invited inside and had to use portaloos in the neighbour’s driveway. The guest of honour was Defence Secretary Ben Wallace, who took a night off battling for Ukraine to get dressed up and pose next to the BBQ’s head chef.

While Ben may have been guest of honour, the star of the show was undoubtedly the food itself – Guido can confidently predict the next fortnight’s worth of canapés will struggle to compete. A speech prior to the feast saw Meat & Livestock Australia’s spokesman extolling the virtues of the new UK-AUS free trade deal, which will allow their fantastic beef and lamb to once again flood UK supermarket shelves.

Also spotted enjoying the catering and speeches was, ironically, none other than the SNP’s Angus Brendan MacNeil, whose role as chairman of the Commons’ Trade Committee saw him bemoan said trade agreement last year as “something which brings significant harms as well as benefits”:

“The views of the entire farming sector especially are no secret now, including those in the devolved nations, who are particularly concerned about being undercut by cheaper meat and dairy produce from ‘down under’.”

MacNeil managed to park his concerns while tucking into mounds of 12-hour slow-cooked beef brisket. Hard-left MP Lloyd Russell-Moyle also showed up, having decided his rail picketing was secondary to a posh drinks do at the High Commissioner’s Knightsbridge residence…

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Australian TV Networks Call it For Labor mdi-timer 21 May 2022 @ 12:43 21 May 2022 @ 12:43 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Aussie Liberals Have the Best Tunes

Our Aussie cousins go to the polls today for their federal elections, with the incumbent Liberal–National Coalition government, led by Scott Morrison, seeking to win an unprecedented fourth consecutive term. There hasn’t been much British coverage, apart from footage of PM Morrison rugby tackling a child, which drew instant parallels with Boris’s own 2015 attempt to put a kid in A&E while playing a match in Japan.

The similarities don’t stop there, like the Tories’ ultra-slick 2019 online operation, involving s**tpost social media graphics and memes, both centre-right parties have now tried their hand at digital music production. The UK Tories released a 70-minute-long lo-fi beats music video, and now the Aussie Liberals have put out this incredibly earwormy song taking social media by storm. Good luck trying to get it out of your head…

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David Davis MP Told to Leave Event for Being “Hammered”

No disciplinary action is to be taken against David Davis MP by the party after he attended a gala dinner on Saturday and was asked to leave for being “hammered”. Local reports claim witnesses said David Davis was behaving in a manner “that was making people uncomfortable”, including touching, hugging and getting too close to people. He was eventually asked to leave by two of his MP colleagues…

“He was hammered and everyone could see he needed to leave. People were very uncomfortable with how he was acting, which would have been inappropriate even if he wasn’t an MP at an official function”

In a statement, the former minister admitted he had had too much to drink at the function and “that was a mistake”. The Australian MP for the Southern Metropolitan Region – whose behaviour is described above – should not be confused with our own Rt Hon David Davis MP. He can hold his drink

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France Claims AUKUS Alliance Shows Need for “European Strategic Autonomy”

Following the announcement that Australia has ditched its submarine deal with France, in favour of the new ‘AUKUS’ alliance with the UK and the US, French ministers Jean-Yves Le Drian and Florence Parly reacted with fury last night at being “excluded” from the new security partnership:

“The American choice to exclude a European ally and partner such as France from a structuring partnership with Australia, at a time when we are facing unprecedented challenges in the Indo-Pacific region, whether in terms of our values or in terms of respect for multilateralism based on the rule of law, shows a lack of coherence that France can only note and regret…The regrettable decision that has just been announced … only reinforces the need to make the issue of European strategic autonomy loud and clear.”

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen is now set to host a summit on European defence alongside Macron, having already made clear that the EU needs to show the “political will” to build its own armyAs for the AUKUS alliance, Defence Secretary Ben Wallace appeared on this morning’s media round to insist “we have no intention” of upsetting the French. A radical change from the last thousand years of British foreign policy if true…

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Truss Calls Australia Trade Deal Climate Reports “Fake News”

Liz Truss came out swinging yesterday afternoon in response to claims that DfT had dropped climate targets on Australia in order to secure a free trade deal. It follows reports last week that ministers had abandoned pledges within the Paris Climate Accord for the sake of pushing the deal over the line. Speaking at an event with Policy Exchange, Truss said:

“Australia has committed for the first time in any trade agreement a clause on climate change. Both parties have reaffirmed their commitment to Paris […] and what will be in the final deal. So the stuff you’re repeating is simply fake news about that.”

Batting away claims that the UK had been slow to sign new deals, Truss added: “We’re a bit like Goldilocks, we’re doing it just at the right speed to secure the full UK interest”…

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