Blatter's Jonah Moment

For all the noise being made about Sepp Blatter’s unopposed return as FIFA President, it’s funny you didn’t hear the Labour lot moaning about coronations created by forcing out your opponents with dark arts in 2007. 

Though it looks to Guido like Sepp has been cursed for a while… 

+ + + Brown Spotted In Westminster + + +

Isn’t it funny how Brown won’t turn up to Parliament to represent the people of Kirkcaldy and earn the £65,738, plus expenses and the pension, we pay him? Instead he goes around the world as he bids to restore his reputation, banking thousands for speeches while he does so. Yet Obama turns up, and he’s up there like a greyhound. Perhaps it was to complain that those DVDs didn’t work…

The Son of Brown Promotes The Voice of Brown

Labour’s loved-up golden child, Chuka Umunna, proudly announced his minimal promotion via Twitter earlier. He’s going to join the Shadow Business team, but Guido was more intrigued by who Miliband chose to replace him as his bag-carrying  Parliamentary Private Secretary. Michael Dugher may be a member of the new intake, but he’s hardly new to the scene…

From starting out as a lobbyist, he worked his way through various government departments until he ended up in Brown’s bunker. Dugher was the Prime Mentalist’s chief political spokesman. He was there in all those dark days alongside the two Eds, working out how to spin disaster after disaster. So much for the “new generation”.

UPDATE: Danny Finkelstein observes that this is less of a promotion for Chuka and more of a shoring up of his private office with someone who has experience defending a beleagured bunker from a restless PLP. Here is what Brillo thought of the golden child:

Gordon Goes To Vegas Plus: The Mad v RAD

Without a hint of irony Gordon is speaking today in Las Vagas to a convention of hedge fund investors. The Salt Conference is one of the largest gatherings in the world of investors, speculators and wealth creators. No doubt he will regale them with tales of how he saved the world from their evil destruction, lecture them about how they are all to blame for the financial crisis, and were it not for him, it would have been armageddon. Or will he just take the nice fat appearance fee, drone on about his book, and run the profit through his limited company to avoid paying the chokingly high income taxes his government forced on the country.

Meanwhile the people of Kirkcaldy still go unrepresented in Parliament. What good is Gordon doing for them in Vegas?  Guido pities anyone in the casinos, it’s going to be big wins for the house tonight with Jonah in town. 

However, there is something you can do to show Gordon, Labour and the rest of the deficit denying, head-in-the-sand, carry on spending brigade that enough is enough. That is to give the Rally Against the Debt an hour of your time on Saturday morning  in Westminster. Guido will be taking to the soapbox and wants to see as many co-conspirators there as possible…

A Year Ago Today

Still a joy to watch…

Deluded Deficit Deniers Try To Draft Gordon

Even the Guardian’s readers don’t think Brown should go to the IMF. Their poll agrees with Cameron, despite the loaded question. Most of Labour are being very quiet about the whole affair, bar a couple of comedy endorsements. Discredited campaigning “economist” turned Labour activist David Blanchflower, he of backing Balls fame, said “This is the most vindictive thing I’ve heard from a Prime Minister in 50 years. It looks to me to be extremely small-minded.” Small-minded like flogging the gold at the bottom of the market? Small-minded like borrowing and throwing money away like a sailor in a knocking shop? As small-minded as creating, then denying, a structural deficit? As vindictive as bullying and smearing your way to the top? Give it a rest David…

There are 170 billion other reasons why Gordon shouldn’t get the job, but that hasn’t stopped Alex Hilton trying to get a campaign to draft Gordon going. Though given his track record we shouldn’t have too much to worry about there.

Sorry Gordon, It's Not Going to Happen

The Prime Minister just did the Today program. As ever Evan Davis covered himself in glory, Guido isn’t quite sure interviewers are meant to laugh their way through questions, even if it was just nerves.

When asked whether he would block Gordon’s appointment to the IMF, Dave did not answer directly, but suggested someone who cannot recognise their own debt and financial mismanagement should not be in a role looking after other country’s problems. Well that’s that then. Gordon will not be going to the IMF. To put the boot in the PM picked Storming Gordon for the racing tip.

Osborne Would Block Brown

Despite assuring us that he intended to disappear into the obscurity of the lefty charity world, the horror of Gordon becoming the head of the IMF somehow seems possible. On manoeuvres in Bretton Woods, Brown has been lobbying, without a trace of irony, to take the leadership of the body which is charged with managing deficits in cash strapped countries. Another week where the people of Kirkcaldy have been well represented in Parliament. 

Guido isn’t so sure he’s quite the shoe in that he is briefing he is, though perhaps they were impressed with his prudent management style and understanding of how governments can rack up such huge debts. Osborne’s people have made it clear that they would block the £270,000 pa appointment: “It would be an insult to the British public if Gordon Brown were to be put forward for this job. This is the man who wrecked the British economy and has never apologised. It is not going to happen on our watch.”

Guido won’t be buying back those Nokia shares just yet.

The Curse of Sunderband

If his first couple of months as a football executive are anything to go by, part-time MP David Miliband might want not want to give up the day-job just yet. On February 1st the lamenting Labour loser joined the board of Sunderland Association Football Club. Things were looking up with a 2:1 win against Blackburn on the weekend before. In the seven games since though, Sunderland have lost six and drawn one. The 0:0 draw was against Arsenal, the team Miliband supports. There is a growing whispering campaign amongst the “black cats” that David has cursed the club with his personal losing touch. Turns out he does have something in common with Brown after all…

Going, Going, Gordon

So Gordon’s spokesgirl Kirsty McNeill denies that he is going anywhere. It seems the Labour MPs in the tea-room may have been getting a little ahead of themselves. Those so quick to accept her line completely might like to ask her why she is touting her CV around London head hunters though…

In nearly a year of being paid over £5,000 a month to represent the people of Kirkcaldy, Brown’s attendance record proves what everyone already knows – that his heart is not in it. He doesn’t turn up at debates, has asked just a handful of written questions and has done nothing to earn his taxpayer-funded salary. If he’s not really planning on shortly moving on, why not?

UPDATE: A co-conspirator writes:

Worth pointing out that likely successor John Park MSP suddenly stood down from his FPTP seat in the Edinburgh elections. Easing the way for a move to Westminster despite being Labour’s election coordinator.

RUMOUR: Gordon Brown Is Going

Guido is getting wind of a rumour from Labour circles that Gordon is set to resign as an MP later on this week. It would make sense to allow the by-election to take place on the May 5th, and if the writ is to be moved in time it needs to happen ASAP. The Lords is apparently beckoning, and finally the people of Kirkcaldy will get the representation they deserve. Since standing down, the former Prime Mentalist has has an abominable attendance record and spent his time writing and lecturing while still taking the shilling.

A rumour, but we can but hope…

Labour's Leaky Legacy

The word has gone out from Labour to moan about the number of Budget leaks that have happened. It’s easier than offering up real arguments. MPs and the dutiful Twitterati have fallen in line and are evoking the spirit of Hugh Dalton, the Chancellor who resigned in 1947 after briefing the Lobby before his Budget speech. But when did that precedent go out the window?

The BBC noted back in 2008:

“During former Chancellor Gordon Brown’s time at Number 11, he installed a system of briefing for the press around his pre-Budget Statement.”

In 2005 the entire Budget made it into the first edition of the Standard before Gordon had even started his speech. Amazing how quickly a party can develop a new set of principles once it is in opposition…

UPDATE: Leaks to Labour are of course in the public interest:

Where's Gordon™? – Being Leant On

You can imagine the fingers of blame pointing already…

Flashback: Gordon Blessed Japan's Earth and Sea

As we reported back at the time, when Jonah Brown last went to Japan he attended an 8-course dinner with the theme “Blessings of the Earth and Sea”. It goes without saying that on the same visit he agreed a nuclear fuel re-processing deal for Sellafield (which he also cursed). Let all the corners of the earth know and be warned that the one-eyed, accursed son of the manse brings disaster of biblical proportions to everything and everywhere he touches…

The Easiest Job in the World

Gordon Sarah Brown PPS McGovernAlison McGovern hasn’t had a glittering career outside of politics. According to her website she was head girl at school in 1998, don’t you know, then on to UCL. She worked briefly as a researcher at the House of Commons before going to spin for Network Rail. She was elected in May, and as Guido reported at the time, immediately promoted to the dubious role of Gordon Brown’s PPS. Though no longer a frontbencher, or even a participating Member of Parliament, Gordon found it necessary to recruit such a minion.

You would think that after Brown’s abject failure to turn up to Parliament to represent the people of Kirkcaldy, Alison would have quietly dropped the laughable non-job description, but no, she is still using it today to promote her role as a Labour Yes2AV spokesman. So how has Gordon been keeping his PPS busy?

The  job normally entails:

  • Being with the Minister at all times in the Chamber and for meetings on the Parliamentary estate. Gordon has given one backbench speech in an adjournment debate since May 2010 and asked a handful of written questions.
  • Liaising between Commons and your bosses Government department. Gordon doesn’t have a department.
  • Controlling access to the boss for other MPs who want to see him. Would anybody be seen dead seeking Brown’s advice?

Many would argue there is little point to Gordon Brown in his current role, let alone his PPS.

Jonah's Revolution

As Cameron touches down in Egypt, it seems the root of all the Middle-East trouble and other problems to blight world leaders has emerged:

Pictured left-to-right: Egypt’s Mubarak (gone), Jordan’s Abdullah (forced to preempt trouble by sacking his entire government), Scotland’s Jonah (gone) and Italy’s Berlusconi (awaiting trial). Going well for all of them…

And after forty years of uncontested rule, it was never going to end well for Gadaffi after this:

The curse is never far away…

Dave Poaches Ronnie

Old blog favourite Sir Ronnie Cohen’s political journey is almost complete. Having gone from keeping Gordon Brown in his pocket and throwing wads of cash at that disaster, he has warmed to Cameron and is coming on board with the Big Society bank. Having donated some £1.8 million to Labour, Guido highlighted that Ronnie was caught spinning for Dave on a BBC Four program about the big society a couple of weeks ago:

It’s going to be tough for Baldwin to find a line to bash this particular dodgy non-dom city donor.

Miliband Unsubtly Distances Himself from Brown

Given the level of denial about Gordon’s little problems, mainly concerning anger and throwing things, it was good to see Ed Miliband finally acknowledge there was a problem after all. He put down an off-balance and angry Dave with “don’t let your anger cloud your judgement… You’re not the first PM I have said that to.” Ouch…

A well scripted line that bashes one with the other, but why did Ed turn a blind eye in the bunker? The clear ploy to whack his predecessor came at an interesting time. Why, when on the front foot already, did he choose that moment to drag up the past? Almost as if he was distancing himself from Gordon Brown…

UPDATE: For those wondering what Dave’s prop was in the chamber today it seems someone in Ed’s office had the not so brilliant idea of giving out notebooks to get members to contribute ideas called New Politics, Fresh Ideas. It was blank, and quietly dropped.

Don't Mention the Debt

There is something a little Gordon like about Ed Miliband’s flurry of activity today. The Prime Mentalist went through relaunch after relaunch and the Son of Brown’s latest attempt to lead the agenda has all the hallmarks of his metaphorical father. Ed is set to tell the people of Newcastle that they won’t have the same opportunities that their parents did because of the spending cuts. Once again the head is in the sand and the fingers are in the ears.

If the next generations suffer it will be for because of the tax burden they are under to service the government debt. Given every kid born under the last Labour government will have to overcome the weight of £17,000 as their share of the debt, it’s no surprise Labour’s pollster Stan Greenberg can pull out stats that say over 60% of people think life will be tough for the next generation. They’re broke…

Gordon's Bankroller Spins for Dave

Sir Ronnie “PFI” Cohen donated £1.8 million to Labour in the past and bankrolled Gordon’s ascendency to the top. Regular readers will remember that at one time the venture capitalist had a direct debit paying £20,000 a month to the party.[…] Read the rest

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Alan Sugar on Jeremy Corbyn:

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