Gordon’s Back in Parliament, For Drinks

He may shun most of his backbench duties in favour of flying around the world for speeches and funnelling the fees through his shell company, the “Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown”, but the former Prime Mentalist has actually managed to turn up in Westminster today. Coincidently there is a state occasion rather than any pressing issue for the people of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath…

Despite shirking his responsibility as an MP, Gordon is still happy to use taxpayer-funded rooms on the Parliamentary estate. He’s got at least two booked today. Guido hears Gordon is having a small gathering after the Queen’s speech. Form an orderly queue Labour types…

Ed Balls causes an explosion in Kirkcaldy telling The Times

‘Nobody is going to look back at any point in history and say that Gordon Brown was a great Prime Minister…’

Breaking: Gordon Brown Resigns

Gordon Brown has resigned.

The Labour councillor quit Cannock Chase District Council this week.

Guido really enjoyed writing that headline once again. If only...

A Tale of Two Visits

See if you can spot the difference…

There Should be a Third Labour By-Election

Labour cannot force Joyce out and he is denying the affair that the Daily Record alleged this morning. However one by-election is a certainty: Labour MP Marsha Singh is standing down in Bradford West saying he has “…come to a very painful conclusion to announce my retirement because I’m in the job to serve my constituents and, if I can’t do that I don’t deserve to be paid for the job. They don’t deserve that and I can’t let them down.”

If only all MPs who are seemingly unable to properly serve their constituents, were so noble:

Guido isn’t holding his breath…

Time For President Brown to Stand Down

 

With World Bank President Robert Zoellick stepping down on June 30, the successor would traditionally be another American, Guido has a better idea. One wannabee candidate has proved their pulling power by making over £1.4 million from speaking engagements. This man has written weighty tomes on the economic crisis, and claims to have all the solutions. If those plans do not work, he can always full back on the moral compasses given to him by his father. A man who says he not only saved the world and saved the banks too:

Surely it is time for Gordon to stand down as an MP and begin a full-time campaign to become the next president of the World Bank.

As Predicted, Rangers Cursed

Some people are sceptical of the Curse of the One Eyed Son of the Manse and think that Guido exaggerates the power and reach of the curse. As this blog would take no pleasure in reporting, stock markets fell in the wake of his visits, natural and political disasters would hit the countries of leaders he met and the most powerful element of the curse was that any association with any sporting figures resulted in them losing. Raith Rovers had cause to regret Gordon Brown’s support…

Back in October 2009 Iain Martin predicted that the jinx would put fear into fans of Glasgow Rangers. With the Club going into bankruptcy, so it has come to pass…

See also: Brown Gets the Celtic Treatment

Gordon’s Legacy Sulk

Last week the Number 10 website was updated with a full history section about previous Prime Ministers. For balance and independence the biographies were outsourced to Queen Mary University’s Mile End Group, but their historical impartiality wasn’t enough for one person concerned about their legacy. Downing Street sources say that Gordon had a mighty strop about it, vetoed various photographs and demanded revisions as the text “was not flattering enough”. Seems remarkably generous to Guido…

Gordon Brown Doesn’t Have A Clue

Usually the rule in politics is: don’t ask a question you do not know the answer to. It goes without saying that you do not ask a question when you have already been told the answer in writing. That would be a waste of time and money.

Gordon Brown MP has tabled a rare written parliamentary question about a constituency issue in a belated attempt to catch up on a growing concern of his electors. The written reply doesn’t convey the full contempt…

Radioactive Waste: Dalgety Bay

Mr Gordon Brown: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence with reference to his planned visit to Fife in the week of 30 January 2012, if he will visit the sites at Dalgety Bay now under scrutiny for radiation contamination.

Mr Robathan: I am, this day, at Dalgety Bay and am visiting these sites. My office notified the right hon. Member’s office of my visit on 19 January.

Gordon tabled the question on January 26. He isn’t really paying attention is he?

+ + + Fred Shredded + + +

As the PM sat down after a tough outing in the Commons, the news breaks that Fred Goodwin was told at 3pm that he had been stripped of his knighthood “by the Queen”. Intriguing timing.

Knighted by Gordon for banking and stripped by Dave for, er, banking.

Another day, another mob win.

A Message For Gordon

Yesterday Guido brought you the news that Gordon Brown was up to his old trick of locking horns with newspapers editors. He’s had a mighty fall though as the most he can spin is his local rag these days. The original copy and a page scan of the article Brown had pulled from the Fife Courier website mysteriously appeared earlier. Given that the former Prime Mentalist is in Westminster tonight, Guido thought he should make sure it had the widest possible audience:

(Click to Enlarge)

That’s what you get for trying to repress a legitimate argument…

Gordon Brown Bullying Editors Again

Guido forgot to link to an article sent to him yesterday from the website of Fife’s Courier. When Guido went back to the piece today though, it had mysteriously disappeared:

The “Opponents accuse Gordon Brown of failing to perform duties as MP‎” headline is very clear on Google News:

Essentially the errant former Prime Mentalist has faced calls from his local council to quit due to his spectacular efforts to avoid representing his constituents. Smelling a rat Guido decided to make some calls. As far as he can piece together, at some point yesterday Gordon picked up the phone and with characteristic charm and friendliness, politely asked the editor of the Courier to reconsider the article. After a calm negotiation the paper claims that a “compromise about future articles” from Gordon was reached. Thus a mutually agreeable conclusion was reached and both parties went their separate ways amicably. 

Sadly for Gordon though, an eagle-eyed hack at the Scottish Express thought fit to lift the entire story from the Courier’s website and even mooted an upcoming by-election:

Their editor should prepare for incoming fire…

What a Difference Two Years Makes

730 days ago the Labour Party were secretly flapping about their leader, but publicly grinning, all be it with guns to their head:

If Guido recalls correctly, Gordon’s “relaunch” a few days later was a spectacular success.

Christmas, Brought to You By Nokia

Brownite destruction? Cover up? Surely not…

Via Paul Waugh

Steve’s Pitch

They say that history is written by the victors, but that hasn’t stopped the Indy’s Steve Richards trying to buck the trend. Upon reading his “Gordon is still great and should come back and teach us all how to save the world” piece, you could be forgiven for thinking his copy was filed after the festive sherry was passed around the Indy office, but something else piqued Guido’s interest. There are mentions to previous Prime Ministers, as well as their biographies. The whole thing reads like one long job application…

Is Steve lining himself up to write the book?

Socrates R.I.P.

Gordon Finally Wakes Up To Local Crisis

The Right Honourable Member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath has finally woken up to the fact there is a crisis in his constituency and it might be an idea for him to actually do the job he is paid for. Guido brought you the news a month ago that part of Gordon’s Fife constituency contained radioactive material. Now with a lack of action, not least from the local MP, the beach could be designated the UK’s first stretch of Radioactive Contaminated Land. Finally today Gordon managed to haul himself in front of a camera.

So what has he been doing instead of representing his constituency? Well:

  • £48,166.00 for a speech to Visa International.
  • £36,639.66 for a speech to Credit Suisse in Miami, Florida.
  • £36,018.18 for a speech to Comtec Med in Geneva, Switzerland.
  • £35,873.94 for a speech to World 50, Inc in New York.
  • £36,174.63 for a speech to PIMCO in Newport Beach, California.
  • £36,174.63 for a speech to Economic Club of Michigan.
  • £36,146.29 for a speech to Skybridge Capital in Las Vegas.
  • £36,292.84 for a speech to Citi Latin America in New York.
  • £36,224.88 for a speech to Pershing LLC in Miami.

It must be a little painful for the former Prime Mentalist that Blair can command the combined total of that for a hour of his time, but do you know what hurts more Gordon? Radiation poisoning…

Oops He Did It Again

It was only a matter of time before England Rugby manager Martin Johnson was forced out of the job.

Jonah strikes again.

Via @nickpearcey

Jonah's Fraternal Curse

EDF Energy has been fined €1.5m for hiring someone to hack into a computer belonging to Greenpeace and spy on the swampies. Cheeky. It’s also probably also worth remembering that EDF Energy’s head of corporate communications is Andrew Brown, Gordon’s better looking and more cheerful brother. Guido is looking forward to another boisterous parliamentary performance by the former Prime Mentalist on this invasion of privacy…

Jonah Curses France

The king of helpful interjections has piped up this morning. If France wasn’t already in enough trouble, the Honourable Member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath has thrown his cursed spanner in the works:

“France is in danger of being picked off by the markets in the coming weeks and months.”

La fin is nigh![…] Read the rest

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