PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Catherine McKinnell (Newcastle upon Tyne North) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 17 January.

Q2 Mr Tanmanjeet Singh Dhesi (Slough)

Q3 Jeff Smith (Manchester, Withington)

Q4 David Linden (Glasgow East)

Q5 Simon Hoare (North Dorset)

Q6 Carol Monaghan (Glasgow North West)

Q7 Dr Lisa Cameron (East Kilbride, Strathaven and Lesmahagow)

Q8 David Simpson (Upper Bann)

Q9 Nic Dakin (Scunthorpe)

Q10 Alex Norris (Nottingham North)

Q11 Imran Hussain (Bradford East)

Q12 Stephen Timms (East Ham)

Q13 Paul Scully (Sutton and Cheam)

Q14 Sir Henry Bellingham (North West Norfolk)

Q15 Scott Mann (North Cornwall)

Comments in the comments…

Sleepy Swayne Nods Off During Clarke Remain Speech

Desmond Swayne appears to nod off during Ken Clarke’s droning remainer speech in the Commons. Definitely deliberate from Dessy, he must have known he was in shot…

Baroness Jenkin Drops C-Bomb in Lords Debate

The air turns blue in the Lords debate on social media…

Anything But Another Year of This

Reality dawns: another year of this sh*t. Every sitting week, for at least an hour, for another year, the torture of PMQs continues. Our Christmas wishes were not granted: no sudden resignations, no personality transplants, no new stopwatch for the Speaker – just the very same, for another year, the perpetual merry-go-round of this utter, horrendous nightmare continues to turn. Could there be a duller prospect than 365 more days? Of these two? End it all now – end it now before it has even begun. 

Despite spending two weeks in Mexico, Jez didn’t even look sun-kissed – but he used his first outing of the year to prove he is still red inside. The Labour leader paid homage to the Sacred God of Health Our NHS (“envy of the world”, Britain’s pride, Britain’s joy). For once leading on something actually in the news, he put the ‘Winter Crisis’ (referred to by May as “winter pressures”) at the top of his list of ‘questions’ – to show the fans he cares – even though he was literally on the other side of the planet while the ‘crisis’ developed. He didn’t mention his holiday. Funny that… 

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PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Mike Amesbury (Weaver Vale) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 10 January.

Q2 Emma Hardy (Kingston upon Hull West and Hessle)

Q3 James Cleverly (Braintree)

Q4 Pete Wishart (Perth and North Perthshire)

Q5 David Morris (Morecambe and Lunesdale)

Q6 Thelma Walker (Colne Valley)

Q7 Luciana Berger (Liverpool, Wavertree)

Q8 Grahame Morris (Easington)

Q9 Gerald Jones (Merthyr Tydfil and Rhymney)

Q10 Stephen Kerr (Stirling)

Q11 Lucy Allan (Telford)

Q12 Dame Cheryl Gillan (Chesham and Amersham)

Q13 Kevin Foster (Torbay)

Q14 Dr Andrew Murrison (South West Wiltshire)

Q15 Mhairi Black (Paisley and Renfrewshire South)

Comments in the comments…

“Public Can’t Have Faith in Our Criminal Justice System Until Worboys Decision is Published”

Real anger in the Commons during the statement on John Worboys this afternoon. Zac Goldsmith told the new Justice Secretary that “until the Parole Board publicly explains the rationale behind the decision it took, people can’t possibly have confidence in our criminal justice system”. David Gauke replied that he will look at changing the rules to allow this to happen retrospectively for the Worboys case. It’s crucial that the Ministry of Justice get a move on here. The Parole Board must surely explain how they came to this decision before Worboys is released, otherwise how can the public possibly be safe?

Cheers as Sports Back Open

Thirsty parliamentary researchers are breathing a sigh of relief today: Parliament’s Sports and Social Club bar re-opened as of 12 midday. Puritanical MPs had sought to punish young Sports devotees for their own indiscretions during the Pestminster scandal. Can we just have no Nats allowed in please.

Parliament Full of Parasites

Parliament is infested… with bed bugs. They are being spread outside the parliamentary estate by MPs and staff who are taking the little critters back home. A probe by pest controllers found numerous cases of infestation could be traced back to the Palace of Westminster. We warned you…

UPDATE: A Parliamentary spokesman said:

“An occurrence of bed bugs was reported in July 2017 in a limited number of areas of the Parliamentary Estate. Investigations revealed that the outbreak was brought in from outside and did not originate in Parliament. Appropriate action took place to resolve the issue successfully.”

Jezza’s PMQs Christmas List

Dear Santa

First of all, can I take this opportunity to thank you for all the hard work you will do this year. Not just you, but Mrs Claus and every one of the reindeer as well. I pay tribute to you and all those who work in our National Elf Service, who, just like our heroic postal and emergency workers, brave snow and hail to provide the services each and everyone of us rely on. We thank all of them.

Our elves haven’t had a pay rise for ten years and many of them do not know how many hours of work they will get until Christmas Eve. We back a pay rise for our NES.

Can I also thank the Grinch, Mr Scrooge, and all those who have ever stolen or threatened Christmas. Let me say this: we support both those who embrace Christmas and those who oppose Christmas. All those involved in this great season, on whatever side, will be investigated and dealt with according to our procedures as appropriate.

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Remainers Win Brexit Blocking Vote

The government has been defeated on what remainers refer to as a “meaningful vote” on the final Brexit deal – but what is really a naked attempt to subvert the referendum result.

MPs voted 309 to 305 for Dominic Grieve’s amendment. The government lost by four votes.

Stay tuned for the Tory rebels…

UPDATE: 12 rebels confirmed as Morgan, Neill, Sandbach, Soubry, Stevenson, Wollaston, Allen, Clarke, Djanogly, Grieve, (Stephen) Hammond, Heald.

Life’s Too Short

PMQs was so unspeakably awful it doesn’t deserve sketching. Goodbye.

May on “The Labour Sisterhood”

Harriet Harman and Liz Kendall would both like that to come true…

PMQs: Watch Live

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Mrs Cheryl Gillan (Chesham and Amersham) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 13 December.

Q2 Mrs Pauline Latham (Mid Derbyshire)

Q3 Mike Hill (Hartlepool)

Q4 Heidi Alexander (Lewisham East)

Q5 Julian Knight (Solihull)

Q6 Gareth Snell (Stoke-on-Trent Central)

Q7 Robert Jenrick (Newark)

Q8 Alex Norris (Nottingham North)

Q9 Caroline Flint (Don Valley)

Q10 Mr Barry Sheerman (Huddersfield)

Q11 Stephen Timms (East Ham)

Q12 Rishi Sunak (Richmond (Yorks)

Q13 Stewart Malcolm McDonald (Glasgow South)

Q14 Mr Geoffrey Robinson (Coventry North West)

Q15 Dr Caroline Johnson (Sleaford and North Hykeham)

Comments in the comments…

Ian Paisley Jnr Reads Out Guido’s Story on Labour’s Brexit Positions

Another happy reader

PMQs Sketch: Corbynish for Beginners

“Thank you Mr Speaker, but on her way back to Britain, someone forgot to share the details of the Irish Border detail, deal, with the DUP. Surely Mr Speaker there are one and a half billion reasons why the Prime Minister really shouldn’t hadn’t forgotten to do that.”

Is English Jeremy Corbyn’s first language? During this lunchtime’s ball-achingly pathetic exchange, the Labour leader confirmed once and for all it is not.

When he was 18, Mr Corbyn travelled to Jamaica to volunteer as a teacher. Thanks to the lasting influence of his pedagogy, it is believed that there are now entire communities on that island who speak only Corbynish. Let us decode this mysterious tongue.

If you would like to learn Corbynish, start with Yoda from Star Wars. Say the following sentence in your head in a Yoda-like voice, but imagine you are Jeremy Corbyn: “the Prime Minister really shouldn’t hadn’t forgotten to do that, forgotten to do that she really shouldn’t hadn’t”. You’re already halfway to thinking in Corbynish.

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Why Do Corbyn and May Make Random Rambling Ranty Statements at PMQs?

Interesting theory from the BBC’s Joey D’Urso – are Jeremy Corbyn’s random ranty rambling non-questions at PMQs deliberately off topic because when clipped up into short videos and pumped out on social media they go viral with his followers? Every week Labour clip his statements and they get hundreds of thousands of views. They seem irrelevant to the small number who watch PMQs live, but look much better as stand alone Facebook videos.

The same theory could explain why Theresa May’s pre-scripted attacks on Corbyn often seem entirely irrelevant to the question:

Though perhaps we are giving them too much credit and they’re both just dire at PMQs.

Hammond: We’ll Pay Divorce Bill Even If There’s No Deal

Well done Phil, great negotiating tactic.

Hammond: We Don’t Know What We Want From Brexit End State

Philip Hammond has confirmed to the Treasury select committee that the Cabinet still hasn’t discussed what the Brexit end state will look like, i.e. whether it will be the convergence non-Brexit preferred by him, Jeremy Heywood and Olly Robbins, or a real Brexit in which we properly diverge from the EU. It has been 18 months since the referendum, it’s mad the Cabinet has not even discussed what Brexit Britain will look like. If the government has no idea on the end state, are they even ready to move onto the next stage of talks?

May Promises Mogg Red Lines Aren’t Turning Pink

May tells Brexiteer Tory MPs that the red lines set out in her Lancaster House speech remain…[…] Read the rest

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Quote of the Day

No prizes for guessing who Andrea Leadsom is talking about:

“As you said last week, Mr Speaker, we have a responsibility to safeguard the rights of this House and as Leader of the House I seek to do exactly that, treating all members of parliament with courtesy and respect. I hope and expect all Honourable and Right Honourable members to do likewise.”

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