Kim Jong-Corbyn Says “Debate Me Wu Coward”

Jeremy Corbyn came straight out at PMQs today to demand the PM face him in televised election debates. Brows furrowed throughout the House at a proposition akin to a quadruple amputee breezily strolling up to Usain Bolt and going: “go on, I’ll give you a race, you chubby biped!”. Does anything faze this man? Lacking any sort of analytical or reasoning abilities? No problem. Not even really knowing how to correctly do up a necktie? Who cares?  Being as photogenic as a urine-stained tramp whisked out of the gutter and chucked into an oversized suit? “Meh! Debate me you wimp!”

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13 MPs Who Voted Against Election

Here is the full list of 13 MPs who just voted against the general election:

  • Dennis Skinner
  • Ronnie Campbell
  • Ann Clwyd
  • Paul Farrelly
  • Jim Fitzpatrick
  • Lady Hermon
  • Clive Lewis
  • Fiona Mactaggart
  • Liz McInnes
  • Alasdair McDonnell
  • Graham Stringer
  • Michelle Thomson
  • Natalie McGarry

Frit…

#Yvette2017 Underway: “We Can’t Believe A Single Word May Says”

Huge cheers from the Labour benches as Yvette Cooper skewered Theresa May on her broken snap election promise. Manoeuvring underway, Yvette is 13/1  (UPDATE: Now into 8/1) to be next Labour leader…

Election PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

At 12 noon Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Alberto Costa (South Leicestershire) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 19 April

Q2 Michelle Donelan (Chippenham)

Q3 Jeff Smith (Manchester, Withington)

Q4 Mary Robinson (Cheadle)

Q5 Gerald Jones (Merthyr Tydfil and Rhymney)

Q6 David Mackintosh (Northampton South)

Q7 Jenny Chapman (Darlington)

Q8 Mr Philip Hollobone (Kettering) If she will visit Kettering constituency.

Q9 Maria Caulfield (Lewes)

Q10 Derek Thomas (St Ives)

Q11 John Stevenson (Carlisle)

Q12 Paul Scully (Sutton and Cheam)

Q13 Graham Jones (Hyndburn)

Q14 Sir David Amess (Southend West)

Q15 Richard Benyon (Newbury)

Snap Election Blows Speaker Race Wide Open

The snap election has potentially huge consequences for the race to be the next Speaker. The Commons votes to elect a Speaker at the beginning of each parliamentary term – custom dictates that John Bercow be re-elected should he desire to carry on. He has previously said he would serve nine years, taking him to 2018, then that he wanted to stay on until 2020. Bercow has indicated he intends to stand on June 8, so what does that mean for his successor?

Lindsay Hoyle was the overwhelming favourite to be the next Speaker. He had hoped to be appointed before the next election so he wouldn’t have a challenger. Yet Hoyle has a perilous 4,530 majority in Chorley. Labour sources believe anything under 8,000 is under threat. His predecessor in the seat was Tory – Chorley has flip-flopped between Labour and Tory MPs since the war. Chorley voted 57% to Leave the EU. As one MP told Guido last night:

“Lindsay will be feeling rough. He had hoped to be made Speaker before the election. Now he may lose his seat.”

The race to succeed Bercow would be blown wide open…

New York Times Thinks Sketch is Serious

The New York Times has interpreted a British newspaper sketch as if it were a serious news report. Patrick Kidd – parliamentary sketch writer for The Timeswrote of an Emmanuel Macron rally:

“My masters at school, I will be honest, had not properly prepared me for the task of following an hour-long speech in rapid French. Mr Macron did not ask for directions to la gare once, for example. Nor did he invite anyone in the audience to come to une boum chez lui ce week-end. He didn’t even say “zut” or “bof”. One wondered if he was French at all.”

But in a brilliant example of our ‘separation by a common language’, the gray lady missed the joke. In an online photo essay ominously titled ‘Will London Fall‘, Sarah Lyall wrote:

“He could not tell his readers exactly what Mr. Macron said, however, because, as he boasted in the article, he does not really speak French, although he studied it in school. But why should he make an effort, seemed to be the idea, when it is so easy to ridicule the French for being French, and when to be English is to feel superior to your neighbors?…

“Mr. Kidd’s hauteur isn’t surprising, given that Mr. Murdoch’s papers and the rest of the country’s right-leaning news media have spent decades nurturing an ancient anti-Europe narrative long reflected in the Conservative Party’s Euroskeptic wing. If London, or at least much of London, has welcomed or tolerated all the changes, many people around Britain, particularly from older generations, have lamented that they no longer recognize the country of their childhoods.”

To which Mr Kidd replies this morning:

God bless the “failing New York Times”…

H/T: Ned Donovan

Grayling Ignores Calls For HS2 Inquiry

Chris Grayling came under fire from all sides at a bad-tempered Transport Questions this morning. He ignored calls from the Shadow Transport Secretary Andy MacDonald and Tory MP Cheryl Gillan for an inquiry into the HS2 – CH2m shambles. MacDonald not unreasonably said the story “stinks to high heaven”, Grayling laughably replied that the cancelling of a £170 million contract was not a “massive” issue. Wonder what CH2M think about that. Notable how Grayling carefully distanced himself from the beleaguered “independent” HS2 board…

PMQs / Article 50 Double Bill

Jeremy Corbyn kicked off today’s PMQs by leveraging last Wednesday’s events to ask the PM for more police funding so they have “the necessary resources with which to do the job”. This makes perfect sense of course because if we arm every policeman with a .50 cal and equip PCSOs with mounted exoskeletons capable of shooting hellfire missiles then we’ll be terror-proof. What’s more, once we’ve turned the British Bobby into ‘The Terminator’, Jeremy Corbyn will have free reign to virtue signal about our militarised police state and their appalling atrocities. Win-win.

That’s the thing with Jeremy, he loves the police right up until the point where they have to actually do their job and pulse fifty thousand volts through some nutjob with a knife. Then they become worrying quasi-fascist rogue operatives bent on shooting to kill and destroying our civil liberties.

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PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Danny Kinahan (South Antrim) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 29 March

Q2 Bill Esterson (Sefton Central)

Q3 Carolyn Harris (Swansea East)

Q4 Tulip Siddiq (Hampstead and Kilburn)

Q5 Alex Salmond (Gordon)

Q6 Marion Fellows (Motherwell and Wishaw)

Q7 Mr Ranil Jayawardena (North East Hampshire)

Q8 Victoria Atkins (Louth and Horncastle)

Q9 Julian Sturdy (York Outer)

Q10 David Mackintosh (Northampton South)

Q11 Bill Wiggin (North Herefordshire) If she will introduce an award in recognition of the contribution made by munitions workers in the First and Second World Wars

Q12 David T. C. Davies (Monmouth)

Q13 William Wragg (Hazel Grove)

Q14 John Spellar (Warley)

Attacker Was Three Unlocked Doors Away From PM

Guido’s revelation yesterday that there were just three unlocked doors between the attacker and the PM and other MPs has been followed up by the Telegraph, Sun, Mail, Mirror and Times Red Box. Our map was publicly available – there are numerous non-publicly available security concerns which Guido has decided not to publish, but that we understand are the subject of discussions between concerned MPs and the parliamentary authorities. It goes without saying that there are significant concerns about the security at the Carriage Gates perimeter, and over procedures during divisions. There is a lot of gratitude towards Michael Fallon’s bodyguard this morning, and anger that he was the last line of defence…

Cleverly Calls For Posthumous Honour For PC Keith Palmer

Tory MP James Cleverly, who had known PC Keith Palmer for 25 years and served with him in the Royal Artillery, calls for him to be awarded a posthumous honour for bravery. Theresa May appears to agree.

May: Attacker British-Born, Investigated By MI5 Years Ago

Theresa May tells the Commons the attacker’s identity was known to police and MI5. She says he was British-born and was investigated years ago by MI5 in relation to extremism. She says he was not in the “current intelligence picture”…

“Come on Eileen!”

Luckily today’s PMQs saw a return to the pantomime of days past thanks to the Labour leader’s decision to read a letter from Eileen, a primary school teacher. Here I’m disappointed to report that it took Tory wags a full 30 seconds to start shouting “Come on Eileen!” back across the chamber: an in-form Alec Shelbrooke or Nigel Evans would be expected to make such a quip in sub-20 seconds normally (sub-10 on a good day).

In subsequent sessions we can no doubt expect Jeremy Corbyn to brandish a letter from Roxanne “who has been shamefully forced into putting on the red light to pay her way through college”; Lola, who the Labour Leader “met in a club down in Old Soho where SHE – and I won’t let any transphobe say otherwise – told me that a lack of proper Government regulation means HER – again, I repeat, she is a woman – champagne tastes just like cherry Cola!”; and of course Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Barbara Ann who is apparently “suffering so badly from Tory cuts that they’ve got her “rockin’ and a-rollin’, rockin’ and a-reelin’, Barbara Ann” (her words not mine, Mr. Speaker)”.

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May Attacks Corbynistas’ Grammar Educations

Theresa May went ad hominem at PMQs, attacking Labour’s frontbench for pulling up the drawbridge. As Guido has noted previously:

  • Jeremy Corbyn – Attended a grammar school. His son went to a grammar school.
  • John McDonnell – Attended a grammar school.
  • Seumas Milne – Sent both his son and daughter to grammar schools.
  • Diane Abbott – Attended a grammar school and sent her son to a private school.
  • Jon Trickett – Attended a grammar school.
  • Grahame Morris – Attended a grammar school.
  • Paul Flynn – Attended a grammar school.

Another happy reader…

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 John Mann (Bassetlaw) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 22 March.

02 Lucy Allan (Telford)

Q3 Angus Brendan MacNeil (Na h-Eileanan an Iar)

04 Charlie Elphicke (Dover)

05 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North)

06 Sir Julian Brazier (Canterbury)

07 Lilian Greenwood (Nottingham South)

08 Chris Evans (lslwyn)

09 Simon Hoare (North Dorset)

Q10 Pete Wishart(Perth and North Perthshire)

Q11 John Stevenson (Carlisle)

Q12 Sir Edward Leigh (Gainsborough)

Q13 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle)

Q14 Siobhain McDonagh (Mitcham and Morden)

Comments in the comments…

5 Things That Could Beat Corbyn at PMQs

Yes another week, another PMQs self-immolation from Westminster’s very own equivalent of a protesting Buddhist monk who sets himself on fire. Or “doing a Corbyn” as they now know it in Saigon.

So dismal was the Labour leader’s interrogation (he actually only managed to use two of his six questions), today we will look at five unlikely things that could best Jeremy Corbyn in a PMQs matchup. Opponents will be ranked by ease of their victories over the Labour leader.

  1. Stephen Hawking

“Ah”, I hear you say, “there is no way that Stephen Hawking could beat Jeremy Corbyn, it takes him ages to synthesise his speech and as such he has to plan out all of his sentences far in advance!”. And? Well, both men have to know what they’re going to say before they get to the Chamber and both have an extremely limited ability to deviate off track. However only one of these men is a theoretical physicist who understands the range of possible outcomes he could have to react to, and that is the clincher. Also, he’s easier on the ear. Stephen Hawking wins this bout comfortably, memorably telling Jeremy Corbyn that he’s met black holes with more warmth than him.

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Corbyn Only Asked Two Questions at PMQs

Corbyn had six questions at PMQs. He only asked two. One was about schools.

Question 1: “Big business evades a lot of national insurance through bogus self employment.” No question.

Question 2: “What is she going to do to fill that Budget black hole?” Question.

Question 3: “It is a grossly unfair system where those in self employment pay some national insurance, employers do not and benefit from it. That is a gross injustice which has to be addressed.” No question.

Question 4: “Cuts to social care and cuts to people with disabilities. That is the agenda of her government and everybody knows it.” No question.

Question 5: “Can she say what she’s doing to help the worst off and poorest in our society rather than continuing cutting local government expenditure, schools expenditure and underfunding social care.” Question, about schools.

Question 6: “What she has to do is address the issues of injustice and inequality in our society, and a government that’s dedicated to widening the gap, not helping those that are hard up, working self-employed to try and make ends meet, and not getting access to any benefits at the same time.” No question.

As May said, “I don’t think the Right Honourable gentleman has quite got the hang of this. He’s supposed to ask a question.” Extraordinary…

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 15 March.

Q2 Stephen Doughty (Cardiff South and Penarth)

Q3 Jeremy Quin (Horsham)

Q4 Mike Weir (Angus)

Q5 Mr Andrew Turner

Q6 Nick Thomas-Symonds (Torfaen)

Q7 Mrs Theresa Villiers (Chipping Barnet)

Q8 Will Quince (Colchester)

Q9 Callum McCaig (Aberdeen South)

Q10 Victoria Atkins (Louth and Horncastle)

Q11 Tim Loughton (East Worthing and Shoreham)

Q12 Geoffrey Clifton-Brown (The Cotswolds)

Q13 Ms Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh (Ochil and South Perthshire)

Q14 Hannah Bardell (Livingston)

Comments in the comments…

Pro-Bercow FOI Answered 2 Weeks Faster Than Average

Remember that Freedom of Information response disclosing that John Bercow had received over 3,000 letters and emails in support of his Trump ban? Guido can reveal the FoI in question was received on 15 February and answered on the very same day. As anyone who regularly fires off FoIs knows, such promptness is highly unusual. Indeed, the authorities admit that the average time taken to respond to FoI requests pertaining to the Speaker is 13 days. Surely the Speaker wouldn’t dream of accelerating the process to rush out a good news story while he was fighting for his career…

May: “Royal Assent in Coming Days”

Taking her time…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Sky’s Faisal Islam on the mood in Parliament at the moment:

“It’s a totally febrile atmosphere here. It’s kind of like Game of Thrones meets House of Cards – and if you chuck in the Labour Party – Laurel and Hardy too.”

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