Corbyn’s Attempt at Humour

The country’s most irritable geography supply teacher tried joining in with the usual light-hearted tone of the Humble Address debate this afternoon, by making a prostitute joke…

As you can see in the footage, the subject of Corbyn’s joke was in stitches. Guido won’t be applying our ‘LoLabour’ tag to this one…

Queen: UK Will Leave EU on the October 31

You can’t argue with God’s representative on earth…

Full Queen’s Speech Text and Background Briefing

Queen’s Speech text in full for download here.

Dennis Skinner’s Heckle

He had two whole years to come up with it…

Buckland to Revive Tradition in Queen’s Speech Ceremony

The Lord Chancellor, Robert Buckland, will today reverse the decades-long trend of modernising the role of Lord Chancellor. Robert’s Bucking the trend…

Guido learns that Buckland will be reverting to the full wig, which was ditched in 2013 by Grayling after being told non-lawyers should not wear it.

Buckland will also be reverting to tradition by walking backwards after giving her majesty the speech – part of the ceremony ditched decades ago (however it was brought back by Jack Straw for a few years). Guido’s sure Her Majesty will appreciate it…

UPDATE: Buckland has gone back on his plan to walk backwards, deciding to walk back down the steps not facing the monarch. For shame.

Guido Hears Lee Rowley and Sarah Newton to Give Loyal Address Tomorrow

Guido hears that Lee Rowley and Sarah Newton will be the Tory MPs delivering the traditional Loyal Address tomorrow, which open the Commons’ State Opening debate. The Loyal Addresses are traditionally funny…

Rowley is a Labour-defeating, son-of-a-milkman sound Thatcherite Brexiteer; while Newton is a Lib Dem-facing South-Western MP, who will provide a softer touch. The speech will take place from 11:30 tomorrow.

The government’s agenda is expected to set out 22 new bills, with an emphasis on those that will allow the UK to “seize the opportunities that Brexit presents“. Now all that waits is to hear Skinner’s traditional heckle…

Parliament Prorogued Without a Bercow Tantrum

There were incredible scenes in Parliament last night, as the prorogation ceremony ran without a hitch; totally devoid of any singing from Labour MPs and without a tantrum from Bercow. Watch the footage above while we wait for Baroness Hale to decide whether this one’s ok or not…

Boris’ Brexit Statement in Full

Boris has delivered his new deal statement to a more muted House of Commons. Watch it in full here…

He outlined the five elements that make up his new proposal. Read along here…

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Peter Bone’s Generous Offer to Bercow

Speaker Bercow is suffering from a very hoarse voice, and seemingly there is no medicament that will help him out. Peter Bone popped up with a helpful suggestion that to rest his voice perhaps the Speaker should take some time off, particularly when it comes to debates regarding the European Union. Sadly for everyone involved, the Speaker declined Bone’s kind suggestion…

Diane Abbott Forgets Number of Allotted Questions at PMQs

In a move that will not do wonders for her reputation for numbers, Shadow Home Secretary Diane Abbott appeared to forget that the acting Leader of the Opposition is allotted six questions at PMQs. Diane got up for a seventh and had to be told to sit down by Bercow. Awkward…

SNP Tabling New Coup Bill

After next week’s PMQs, the SNP’s Pete Wishart is tabling a Ten Minute Rule Bill that would establish the position of an ‘Acting Prime Minister’ and require Cabinet appointments to be approved by MPs, further weakening the executive against Parliament. In Wishart’s own words it would:

“Make provision for the House of Commons to nominate the Prime Minister and approve appointments to the Cabinet; to establish the office of Acting Prime Minister; and for connected purposes.”

Traditionally Ten Minute Rule bills are more about posturing than policy, and rarely make it to law. Bercow however could delight in breaking another convention to make this matter more than it should…

Tory Minister Blasts McDonnell’s No Deal Brexit Conspiracy Question

Making his debut at the dispatch box, the new Treasury Minister Simon Clarke confidently tore down McDonnell’s absurd urgent question on short positions taken against the pound in the lead up to a possible no-deal Brexit. Something Guido and many others have comprehensively debunked before…

Clarke blasted the question as the shadow chancellor propagating myths and smears and claiming the conspiracy does little to cool tensions in Westminster at the moment. Playing Labour at their own game…

McDonnell Granted Urgent Question on Hedge Funds Shorting No Deal

John Bercow is allowing remainers to indulge further in their comprehensively debunked conspiracy theory that the PM is being backed by “speculators who have bet billions on a hard Brexit” – a falsehood pushed by former chancellor Philip Hammond earlier this week and now leapt on by the Labour party…

It has just been announced that Bercow has accepted an urgent question from John McDonnell on ‘short positions taken against the pound in the lead up to a possible no-deal Brexit’. You can read in detail here why the conspiracy doesn’t stack up…

Now Bercow has set a precedent, Guido awaits with excitement further UQs on other conspiracy theories, including whether the moon is made of cheese, and whether DCMS are aware that Michael Jackson is in fact still alive…

UPDATE: Two of McDonnell’s former advisors have now debunked the conspiracy theory – namely James Mills and James Meadway…

Meadway also described it as “an absurd conspiracy theory that the former Chancellor should know better than to promote”. Not holding his punches…

Labour Calls for Cox To Apologise for Calling MPs “Turkeys”

Just when Guido didn’t think the level of total Parliamentary pettiness could sink any lower, the Shadow Leader of the House has asked for Geoffrey Cox to return to the Dispatch Box and apologise for calling Parliament “turkeys”. No, really…

“This is no way to run a parliament… calling us turkeys is not appropriate language.”

No one really knew what opposition MPs would do after going to the extreme lengths to recall Parliament through the Supreme Court of this country. Apparently the answer was to squabble amongst each other over the use of a Christmas based metaphor. This isn’t student politics, it’s kindergarten.

Government Not Trusting Opposition With Votes During Conference

Conservative MPs have just been told by the whips that in order to go to Conference next week they will have to submit authorised absence applications (called ‘slips’). Looks like this leak has let slip their concerns…

Jacob Rees-Mogg joked last night that the Tories won’t trust Labour and Bercow to concoct a sneaky way to pass legislation while they’re in Manchester.

If only the Commons had a less duplicitous speaker…

UPDATE: A new email to MPs has been sent switching the first line from “we will need as many of you in London as possible” to “we will need as many of you in Manchester as possible.” No word on whether the first email was a mistake or this is a change of heart…

UPDATE II: Tory whips have clarified that Manchester is the priority for MPs.

MPs Vote Against Tory Conference Recess

MPs have just voted down a motion laid by JRM to allow the Tories a brief three-day recess for their party conference. Guido’s sure this hit to the local economy will be appreciated by Manchester…

The vote was lost by a majority of 17: 289 ayes, and 306 noes.

Just days ago, Dianne Abbott said “we like to be benevolent so will see [whether we vote for the motion]“. Another day, another Labour u-turn…

UPDATE: Turns out, 9 of the former 21 rebel Tories voted against the party conference, despite (presumably) still being party members…

  • Guto Bebb
  • Nick Boles
  • Ken Clarke
  • David Gauke
  • Justine Greening
  • Dominic Grieve (Particularly odd given he’s scheduled to make 5 conference appearances)
  • Anne Milton
  • Amber Rudd
  • Antoinette Sandbach

Guido’s always thought of them as massive members…

Scargill Backs Boris

It’s said people get more right-wing as they get older, and Arthur Scargill looks to be doing his best to prove that adage. Having called for the left to oppose remain MPs a fortnight ago, yesterday he wrote a letter in The Times standing up for Boris against the Supreme Court. This is no miner political u-turn… 

In a letter to the editor, he wrote:

“I find it interesting that the leaders of the Labour Party, the Liberal Democrats and the Scottish National Party are all calling for the resignation of the Prime Minister and the Attorney General on the grounds that they acted unlawfully in advising the Queen to prorogue Parliament.

Are these party leaders also going to call for the resignation of Lord Burnett, the Lord Chief Justice; Sir Terence Etherton, the Master of the Rolls; and Dame Victoria Sharp, the President of the Queen’s Bench Division, who ruled that the Prime Minister acted legally?”

From a hardcore socialist to defending a Tory MP, he’s really gone pro-rogue…

Bercow Breaks Another Rule

Bercow breaking the rules of Parliament has become a daily occurrence, and Guido has now been informed that Bercow has gone to the lengths of bending the laws of time and granting Urgent Questions even if they were submitted after the deadline. Is he auditioning for a new role in Dr Who when he leaves Parliament..?

Jess Phillips’ Urgent Question for Boris to make a statement ‘reflecting on his language and his role as the PM to create a safe environment both in the country and in our Parliament‘ was submitted after the 8.15am deadline and yet Bercow still granted it. Whilst this bending of Commons’ rules will be seen as unacceptable, Guido is sure readers will appreciate the irony of Jess ‘knife Corbyn in the front’ Phillips lecturing on moderate language…

Sherriff’s A-paula-ing Language

Paula Sherriff was the MP who kicked off the linguistic farce in the Commons last night, comparing the use of the phrase “Surrender Act” to the murder of Jo Cox. She then went on to cry that “we must moderate our language” … a cry she clearly did not hear herself as this morning she has taken to national TV to spit at “this wicked, grotesque government”…

Guido has already detailed some of the abusive language that has been emanating from the very people spuriously trying to attack Brexiteers.

Sherriff herself is no stranger to words she claimes are “offensive, dangerous, or inflammatory language”: In the last couple of years she herself…

It’s almost as if Sherriff is trying to turn abuse into a party political issue, and weaponising the appalling murder of Jo Cox in the process. 

UPDATE: Just recently Paula retweeted a call to “man the barricades” after she likened the Prime Minister to a dictator. Dialling it down…

Cox: This Parliament is a Disgrace!

Attorney General, Geoffrey Cox, just gave one of the most barnstorming speeches Guido has seen in many years:

“This parliament is a dead parliament. It should no longer sit. It has no moral right to sit on these benches… This parliament is a disgrace.

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