Bryant Astonished Penny Slams His Fake News Record

Another easy slam dunk victory to Penny…

mdi-timer 20 January 2023 @ 14:52 20 Jan 2023 @ 14:52 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Penny Mordaunt Parodies It’s A Wonderful Life

The Leader of the Commons took to Lord North Street last night as guest of honour at the IEA’s Christmas Party. It’s been an eventful year for both the speaker and her hosts…

The main thrust of Penny’s speech involved a detailed parody of It’s a Wonderful Life, imagining a world in which Ed Miliband had won the 2015 election; Boris didn’t seek re-election, leaving London with an arsenal of water cannons; and Michael Gove would be found running Level Up, “Not a think tank, it’s a nightclub in Camden”. She foresaw “in this alternative reality the Ed Stone is on the 4th plinth of Trafalgar Square”. Not a bad idea given the current display…

As the speech drew to a close, Penny listed off Conservative achievements from the last 7 years, before announcing that “I am sticking around, to fight the next election”. By coincidence Guido was then lucky enough to hear the same speech again up the road at Conservative Home’s party in Mayfair…

mdi-timer 9 December 2022 @ 09:03 9 Dec 2022 @ 09:03 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
School Mistress Penny Helps SNP With Their Sums

Penny Mordaunt once again laid into the SNP during business questions this afternoon, after they complained about having to find £1 billion of cuts. Despite getting much more taxpayer cash per head than the English…

Penny, role-playing a school ma’am, gave some helpful suggestions to the party as to how fewer poor spending decisions in recent years could have easily saved this exact sum without having to make cuts to public services:

  • £20m on Referendum planning
  • £9m on Scottish embassies
  • £300m on the ferry fiasco
  • £52.4m wasted on the collapsed BiFab company
  • £5m on climate change reparations
  • £600m bailing out Sanjeev Gupta’s smelting business
  • £500,000 wasted on the publicly owned energy company that never happened

£986,900,000. Penny promised to clip the moment for her own social media, Guido thought he’d beat her to it…

mdi-timer 8 December 2022 @ 13:06 8 Dec 2022 @ 13:06 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Mordaunt Mauls SNP Democracy Deniers

Penny Mordaunt has again used a despatch box outing to leave opposition members calling for an ambulance.

Yesterday afternoon, her seemingly-innocent gaze turned away from her usual Labour victims to the SNP’s Deidre Brock. The Leader of the House recalled the way the SNP turned their back on the 2014 Independence poll result, and their disdain for democracy when voting against an EU referendum:

“SNP Members try to paint themselves as the defenders of democracy, despite ignoring the result of the referendum and despite their voting to deny the people of Scotland and the whole UK their say on whether to be part of the EU – I have brought that Hansard with me, too. I remind the House that the SNP was the only party to vote against the EU referendum.”

Ouch…

mdi-timer 25 November 2022 @ 09:46 25 Nov 2022 @ 09:46 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
WATCH: Mordaunt Slaps Down Bitter Corbyn

Fresh from his Brazilian jolly, celebrating the victory of Putin apologist Lula, Jeremy Corbyn made a point of order in the Commons this afternoon to moan about Rishi Sunak. According to the Absolute Boy, the fact that Rishi mentioned him during PMQs yesterday proves he lives “rent-free” in the PM’s head, and that Rishi should have had the decency to alert Jeremy of his attack lines ahead of time. Presumably this won’t be an issue in future, given Rishi made it quite clear he’s planning to do this on a weekly basis…

For the avoidance of doubt, Penny Mordaunt politely reminded him of this fact at the despatch box. Even the Deputy Speaker Nigel Evans couldn’t resist a wisecrack…

mdi-timer 3 November 2022 @ 16:00 3 Nov 2022 @ 16:00 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
A Glimpse Into the Depth of Tory Commons Dysfunction

Co-conspirators will know that the Commons was suspended for an hour this morning, and that when the sitting resumed at midday, we were none the wiser as to why.

The Leader of the House had had an appointment at the Palace. Old procedural hands will know about the King “swearing in” a new prime minister (different from being “invited to form a government”) but even older hands will know that the Commons is never adjourned because a minister has a diary clash.

Not only would no minister stand in for the Leader, the Deputy Chief Whip was unavailable as a last resort. No wonder Penny Mordaunt had lost something of her twinkle.

A senior source told Guido that the timing of this “swearing-in” business was known on Monday and yet the person responsible for the smooth running of House business (the Leader of the House, herself) only became aware of it this morning.

Clearly, senior Tories have been otherwise occupied, and it would be unkind to say that the Whips’ operation hasn’t improved since the previous regime – but this is starting to look endemic.

Does the Tory Quarterdeck, its High Command, fear putting someone of talent, presence, capacity, personal force and experience in as Chief Whip?

Do they not realise that the Labour Whips are a lethal force? That they are wily with every sort of procedural innovation? That they operate a disciplinary regime that would have been illegal in Nelson’s navy? That their motto is, “We can make you want to be dead”? Do they not know what they are up against?

It’s safe to say that they very soon will

mdi-timer 27 October 2022 @ 14:00 27 Oct 2022 @ 14:00 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
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