Penny Mordaunt makes a risqué (if lengthy) quip in the Commons, comparing Keir Starmer to “Beach Ken“, because “he stands for nothing in shifting sands… and like Beach Ken, he has zero balls”. Starmer’s new immigration plan is clearly not kenough for her…

Penny had all summer to prepare for the latest instalment of her ritual SNP roasts, and she didn’t disappoint. In today’s business questions, Mordaunt listed some of the SNP’s – many – failings, including Glasgow’s rat infestations and their latest police probe, before launching a scathing attack on a culture of blame-shifting. She continued:

“A former colleague of hers even, this summer, tried to put the blame on agents of a foreign power infiltrating the SNP and taking all these terrible decisions. The SNP is never short of a grievance, but it is now running out of excuses. I look forward to next week, what those excuses might be: The execution of Mary Queen of Scots? The Highland Clearances? The Hundred Years War? The grotesque chaos and appalling public services her constituents are suffering from, and the rest of the Scottish people, are entirely down to the SNP alone. They are a sad, spent force”.

It’s good to be back.

Impending strikes could have an added political character as Braverman and Mordaunt look set to join the latest wave of walk-outs. Fortunately for the Prime Minister, he won’t be without his Home Secretary nor his Leader of the Commons, as the potential strikers are actually Warren Braverman, Suella’s brother-in-law, and James Mordaunt, Penny’s brother. Both family members work for Virgin Atlantic, where the British Airline Pilots’ Association has confirmed to LBC’s Henry Riley that strike action is possible – after 76% of pilots suggested demanding schedules saw colleagues left unfit for work due to tiredness. If strikes get off the ground, the airline should strap in and brace for some serious Cabin(et) pressure…

As we go in to recess, the reshuffle drum is reverberating louder and louder. Ben Wallace is out – his public line being he’s done his bit after 24 years in politics. He’s split from his wife, the boundary changes have wiped out his seat, he detests the PM and he didn’t get the NATO job. As the Tories head for opposition, who can blame him for wanting to spend more lucrative time with defence contractors. Which means there are going to be Defence Secretary manoeuvres…

Guido thinks commentators suggesting Rishi should move James Cleverly from the Foreign Office to the Ministry of Defence are foolish to think there is a political, government or party problem to which the strategic answer is realistically moving Cleverly out of the Foreign Office. He’s been in the building for 3 years, with 11 months as Foreign Secretary. He’s proved his value and capability and has shown he is a steady pair of hands and has built the kind of strategic personal relationships that really count at the top diplomatic tables. He even has a character role in Netflix’s “The Diplomat”.

Nobody obvious could realistically do a better job at the Foreign Office, there are however two people who could feasibly, and in fact probably, do a good job at Defence; Tom Tugendhat and Penny Mordaunt. There is one of course who’s done it before… and can carry a sword…

Like clockwork, Penny Mordaunt has given the SNP their weekly mauling in today’s Commons business questions. This time, she pressed the SNP on the qualifications of their frontbenchers:

“but if being well-prepared is the qualification for a person doing my job, then surely it is self-delusion and lack of self-awareness that is the necessary condition for an opposition job [sic] on the SNP benches. Because only an SNP spokesman would come to this question session and ask me a question on police investigations and police performance. Maybe that self-delusion is hard to sustain in the wake of tens of police investigations…”

Penny’s jibes didn’t end there. She also poked the SNP over their international jet-setting, their failure to stick it out whilst the “going is too tough”, even in opposition, and their unflinching focus on independence.

Rishi Sunak popped along to a Tory donors’ dinner last night, cap in hand, hoping to take in a few pennies ahead of the general election. In return, he handed out bookmarks thanking the party’s benefactors for their continued support, with each Cabinet Minister listed inside along with the book they’re planning to read this summer. A co-conspirator passed one on to Guido… 

Penny Mordaunt’s favourite book of the summer is… her own. Tom Tugendhat, meanwhile, will be spending recess reading The Worm in the Apple by Christopher Tugendhat, his uncle. Suella Braverman is reading “Trans: When Ideology Meets Reality”…

Rishi himself is still a big fan of Riders by Jilly Cooper, which by Cooper’s own admission, contains “great” sex scenes. And people criticise Rishi for being too bookish…