It is over five months since Miliband lost, yet Paul O’Grady still hasn’t made good on his promise to leave the country. At the time he vowed he would “get a house on the Lido in Venice” if the Tories won, because “I have paid a fortune in tax and I will say ‘you can’t have that mate’”. Yet he is still here…

O’Grady has ended his silence to blame his broken promise on Venice property prices and the weather:

“I had visions of me sitting on the Lido, till I saw the property prices. Not only that, it’s freezing for half of the year. And I can’t speak a word of Italian.”

Millionaire Miliband fan O’Grady condemns voters as “absolutely blinded. They listen to this guff from Osborne – dreadful man. And Cameron – ugh! I loathe them”. He reveals one person alone has convinced him to stay: Jeremy Corbyn.

“This man comes along and says, no, we need social housing, we have to be a more caring society. Thank God somebody has come along and said it. It doesn’t matter if he can’t win.”

“It doesn’t matter if he can’t win.” The mantra of the ivory tower millionaire Corbynista encapsulated in one painfully stupid sentence…

It’s 176 days since Miliband lost, yet Birkenhead’s favourite son Paul O’Grady still hasn’t made good on his promise to leave the country. Speaking at Ed’s final election rally, O’Grady vowed he would move to the exclusive Lido island in Venice if the Tories returned to power:

“I can’t live under this bloody government any more. I am going to get a house on the Lido in Venice. I have paid a fortune in tax and I will say ‘you can have that mate’… What I am going to do in a house on the Lido in Venice when I can’t speak Italian and hate pasta, God only knows. But I can’t live under this Conservative Government, this Coalition.”

So what’s O’Grady up to now? He’s gearing up to play “The Fairy Godfather” at the Barclaycard Arena in Birmingham. He’s behind you. We wish he wasn’t…