Neil Parish: My Wife Threatened to Cut My Penis Off

Now there’s another Tory MP embroiled in a far worse sex scandal, Neil Parish is ploughing on with his rehabilitation tour this morning by appearing on Lorraine to offer yet another explanation for his porn habits. First he reassured Lorraine he didn’t look at the material during a debate – only during a late-night vote – and then claimed his wife has been hugely supportive throughout the scandal, even chasing him around the kitchen with a pair of scissors, threatening to lop off his appendage for his naughty behaviour. Alright…

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Porno Parish Peed Off By Pincher’s Punishment Pardon

Former MP Neil Parish has just reacted to the news that Chris Pincher will keep the Tory whip – for now – even though Parish himself lost the whip almost immediately:

“I can’t believe why they haven’t done it, because that was the first thing they did to me… I just feel that it’s double standards.”

He’s not wrong…

Hat-tip: Andy Ballantyne

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Porno Parish Tells Sky to Stop Flogging Dead Horse

Neil Parish, the MP who resigned over watching porn in the Commons and sparked yesterday’s Tiverton by-election, has irritatedly told Sky News to stop flogging the dead horse that is his porno-watching behaviour. On the one hand Guido recognises it must be a touchy subject, on the other hand Parish should get a hold of himself. 

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Wet Tory Wins Committee Endorsement From Lefty Labour MPs

If co-conspirators remember Dr Neil Hudson, Guido will be impressed. Hudson took Rory Stewart’s old Penrith seat back in 2019 and has so far proved just as, if not more, rebellious than his predecessor. A year ago Guido revealed his Tory MP colleagues were becoming increasingly bitter towards him, not just because of his ranking as the most rebellious 2019 intake MP. He also wrote a Mail on Sunday op-ed self-promoting one of his rebellions on animal welfare, which not only increased abuse directed to non-rebelling Tory MPs, it resulted in him being labelled a “judas” after it emerged he took £900 for the hit job. Happy families…

Now Dr Neil’s anti-Tory credentials are growing. Following the resignation of porno MP Neil Parish, a vacancy has arisen for chair of the environmental select committee, for which Hudson is in the running. Guido has now been passed a message doing the rounds endorsing Hudson for the chairmanship – signed by four solidly left-wing Labour members of the committee. Rosie Duffield, Ian Byrne, Geraint Davies and Barry ‘CCP’ Gardiner…

The round-robin asks MPs – presumably sent to non-Tories – to support wet Hudson, who “works consensually with us on the committee — often against his Conservative colleagues. He has been independent in voting against his party…”

“He is a qualified vet who brings real expertise to the committee and we urge colleagues to make him your first choice (or second preference if committed to another) for the Chair.”

The fact he is a qualified vet will come as a surprise to any recipients of the letter, given Dr Neil hardly ever mentions it. Ever since the defection of Christian Wakeford, Tory MPs have been wondering if anyone else may be considering a leap… One to bear in mind.

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Porno Parish Plots Possible Parliamentary Comeback

Porn-loving MP Neil Parish has told the Telegraph that he may try making a comeback in his own replacement by-election. Speaking to Chopper he says his main reason against doing so would be forcing his friends in the local party to pick a side, though he’d have no problem raising the money thanks to his “powerful backers within the farming community”. As powerful as a Claas Dominator 76 combine harvester?

Parish said if he did decide to stand it’d be as a “genuine independent”, though he does admit this decision would be largely driven by no other parties wanting him as their candidate. He’s going to take “local soundings” before making a decision. Ever the optimist, Neil says the current “horrible situation” has “hugely stimulated my brain”. It’s nice for his actual head to be throbbing with stimulation for once…

mdi-timer 13 May 2022 @ 08:47 13 May 2022 @ 08:47 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Porn MP Neil Parish Formally Stands Down

Neil Parish has formally stood down from his Tiverton and Honiton seat today after being revealed as Westminster’s Commons Porn MP last week. The Treasury confirmed this afternoon he’s been appointed Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead, one of the two formal titles given to MPs on their way out the door. Two MPs in two days – at least Parish didn’t stick around to collect a whole month’s pay, unlike Khan…

mdi-timer 4 May 2022 @ 13:39 4 May 2022 @ 13:39 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
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