Heseltine: UK “Economy Is Doing Significantly Better Than You Might Hope”

Lord Heseltine has been doing the media rounds yet again this morning as broadcasters scrape the barrel to generate ‘blue-on-blue’ content now the Soubries of this world have jumped onto their own sinking ship. Not that Heseltine is making any effort to be ‘blue’ any more after publicly endorsing the Lib Dems over the weekend. Will the Remainers in CCHQ be expelling him from the Party like they threatened to do with anyone who backed the Brexit Party?

When challenged about the UK economy outpacing EU countries like Italy and even Germany, Heseltine’s mask entirely slipped:

“This country’s economy is doing significantly better than you might hope.”

Remainiacs literally admitting that they wanted the economy to be doing worse to punish voters for their democratic choice.

The former pro-Euro campaigner also claimed that the strong economic performance was in part because “the Government is of course continuing to live on borrowed money” which doesn’t quite make sense as an argument given that the deficit has tumbled to its lowest level in fifteen years. Despite, of course, Brexit…

Heseltine is Irrelevant. Why Does He Keep Getting Invited on TV?

Last night, yet again Newsnight invited washed-up failed former politician Michael Heseltine onto its programme for a plum spot to discuss the latest on Brexit. Guido was at a loss to think why a man who hasn’t been elected to office since last century is such a regular voice to analyse the modern machinations of political manoeuvering. He spent the best part of a decade (three decades ago) conspiring to usurp the most successful Prime Minister in recent history, and failing…

He is so past his sell-by date that he has only voted in the Lords on two days in past last year (with Labour and against the Tories on both occasions) and only spoken five times (on four days) over the last three years. Good to see we’re getting our money’s worth…

Heseltine last night admitted he did not vote Conservative in the 2016 London Mayoral election, he won’t have voted Conservative in the 2017 election because he is a peer and if you believe he will vote Conservative in the European Elections, Guido has a bridge to sell you. The idea that he might criticise the Tory Party is about as novel as Chuka Umunna criticising them. There’s no real reason for the BBC to keep getting him on any more – they’re just after the cheap blue-on-blue soundbites…

Hezza: Bozza Waffles Rubbish

Heseltine on International Women’s Day: May Has “Man-Size” Job

“I find myself chastised by you…”

Heseltine Sacked

Heseltine says he has been sacked as a government adviser at DCLG after rebelling in the Lords on Brexit tonight. He had unsurprisingly faced calls for his head from Tory MPs and peers in recent weeks. Inevitable. 

Heseltine: I Kill a Squirrel a Day

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Alleged dog strangler Michael Heseltine has told the BBC how he slaughtered four hundred squirrels which migrated onto his estate.

BBC: What have you done about squirrels?”

Hezza: Exterminated them.”

BBC: How many?”

Hezza: Four hundred. In nine months. In 70 acres.”

Listen here:

That’s more than a squirrel a day. Is there any cuddly, cute little animal that Heseltine won’t kill in cold blood?

RSPCA Investigating Heseltine Dog Strangling

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Shocking news that Michael Heseltine strangled a family dog that nipped him. In an interview in Tatler the Tory grandee admits that he strangled his mother’s pet Alsatian, Kim.

‘I went to stroke him and he started biting me… If you have a dog that turns, you just cannot risk it. So I took Kim’s collar – a short of choker chain – and pulled it tight. Suddenly he went limp. I was devoted to Kim, but he’d obviously had some sort of mental breakdown.’ 

Guido has two terriers, seen below in their Halloween finery. Once or twice the children when teasing them with a ball or a tit-bit have got them over-excited. In the consequent melee a dog has nipped them, perhaps accidentally. Guido shouts at them, spanks the dog and tells them to go to their bed (sometimes the children too). The dogs slink off with their ears pinned back and sit slumped in their beds. Strangling seems a bit much unless the dog turned vicious…

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In response to the news of the Heseltine dog strangling the RSPCA tells the Daily Mail ‘We are considering our response.’ Now if it were a fox…

UPDATE: Hezza hits back, insisting he didn’t actually kill the dog.

Heseltine: UK Will Join Euro if We Remain

This is what Rudd, Mandelson, Straw and the rest of the Remainers really want. Cat out of the bag – that’s a live fat cat, not to be confused with a dead one on the table. This one is running…

Oborne Has Guilty €urophiles Squirming

Younger readers will not know that “Guilty Men” was a book written by Michael Foot,  Frank Owen and Peter Howard, published in 1940, attacking the leading establishment figures of the day for their appeasement of Nazi Germany in the 1930s. As denunciations go it is the classic and an equal to Émile Zola’s J’accuse. Peter Oborne and Francis Weaver have entitled their new pamphlet to be published by the CPS tomorrow Guilty Men in a conscious echo of that great score settler. It is a coruscating attack on those who would have entangled Britain in the disastrous euro.

Their premise is that “Very rarely in political history has any faction or movement enjoyed such a complete and crushing victory as the Conservative Eurosceptics. The field is theirs. They were not merely right about the single currency, the greatest economic issue of our age — they were right for the right reasons.” This is not a mere opus of a gloat, they name and shame the establishment figures who shamelessly exaggerated, lied and eulogised on behalf the euro and the European Project and have yet to apologise for the disaster they would have wrought. The institutions who are guilty include the CBI, BBC and of course the Financial Times. The guilty men include the shameless pundits who smeared their opponents, for example David Aaronovitch, who compared David Owen to Oswald Moseley and Enoch Powell because the founder of the SDP had become sceptical of the wisdom of the euro currency. Andrew Rawnsley, Chris Patten, Tony Blair, Peter Mandelson, Michael Heseltine, Ken Clarke, Charles Kennedy, Danny Alexander and from business Niall FitzGerald, Adair Turner and David Simon figure among the guilty men. It is instructive and amusing to remind ourselves of the hysterical claims and wild accusations made by these europhiles. Though this isn’t referred to in the text, it occurs to Guido that many of the same guilty men are currently making the same kind of hysterical claims about global warming.

Oborne has employed his usual panache in delivering the charges. It is well worth reading if you enjoy the thought of europhiles squirming guiltily. 

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Peter Mandelson tells Emma Barnett…

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